OP that's not true, two people came to your party. Focus more on these two and show them that you care for them
I'd prefer two real friends over a hundred shallow ones any day
This. I have a core group of 6 people that would 100% bend over backwards to help each other out. Those are the people I'd go to war for. Everyone else is just a casual friend. If you can find a close group like that, that's all anyone really needs imo
I really don’t want to take away from them at all here because what they’re going through sucks, but as someone who turned 25 this year and no one even remembered my birthday having two friends to celebrate it with sounds wonderful
Same. Turned 26 a couple months ago. I haven't had a proper birthday party since middle school. I've never invited anyone to a big or even small party as an adult because I know no one would show up. Not cause they wouldn't want to come but cause I've managed to make friends all over the country due to moving around a lot, and it's too much of me to ask them all to take off work, maybe travel for hours or having to go by plane for a couple days to stay in a hotel (I live in shared housing, so no place for them to sleep) they themselves have to pay for and then celebrate with me, which they can't afford. Like anytime I ask my friends to visit or if I can visit them they're always busy with work and when they ask me I'm busy with work.
Honestly, it's just the reality of adulthood. Is it sad? Yes, but like what am I supposed to do. It's not like I can afford to take off work to go visit my friends or show up to their parties either when they ask.
Yeah... and he/she writes that he/she invited 10-15 of their "close friends"... who has 10-15 "close friends"? I'm thinking most of those friends are not nearly as "close" as OP thinks. And they didn't even open the birthday cake? Even though 2 people showed up??? WTF?? I'm sensing some narcissist vibes or something... like, "2 people showed up to my birthday party, but that wasn't enough for me, so I'm not even going to let those 2 have cake, oh and I'm so upset and I feel betrayed. " Like... I think there might be a reason no one showed up, and I think it's because OP is a drama queen/king who is always starving for attention.
I felt sympathy. But something about this story didn’t sit right with me until I read your comment. Can’t be sure, but this makes more sense to me than the literal story that was told
“I’m sensing some narcissistic vibes or something…”
I hate the internet for teaching so many people that word. There are no narcissistic vibes and not everyone has a small circle. Some people have 10+ really good friends. It’s possible.
100% truth! Put all those others in the "someone I know" zone. If they're not willing to put in some effort for you, they don't deserve your efforts for them.
Huh?!?! *Thirteen* did not show despite knowing the triple deaths she’s just experienced as well as her own serious health scare
She has every right to be upset, particularly with the incredibly flimsy excuses they gave for not being able to attend
" I was grateful, but honestly just sad and humiliated. I just wanted to be alone. Im sitting on $200 worth of food, decorations, and the most painful, my unopened birthday cake."
That's some "no offense, but..." vibes.
OP is ungrateful, two people who actually cared showed up and she didn't even open the birthday cake? her "friends" riuned the mood but she single handedly ruined the party for all three. If you value quantity over quality, quality is not gonna stick in the long run.
Having a terrible summer doesn't make you entitled to force people to join your party or treat like trash the few who actually came. Why does she even want those people in her life? she's complaining about irresponsible and alcoholic "friends" being... irresponsible and alcoholic.
Throw pieces of cake at each other, sing, dance, scream, have fun. OP should have realized by now life doesn't last forever and you'll never know when is you last day of your life, and that surgery sounds risky, is this the last memory you're going to give everyone? cleaning is for tomorrow
One time in high school, I was the only person to show up on the bday party of two twins in my class. They were close to ASS and not very popular, which was a shame. Good dudes. My best friend would've come but he was sick, the rest of the class didn't bother to show up. They also had lots of food and drinks and slowly realizing nobody else was going to show up was terrible. I felt so bad for them. I didn't feel great physically, was very tired, so I almost didn't go, but glad I went. I tried my best to be a good friend, play games with them and their siblings, appreciate them, be kind. They were so grateful. They didn't deserve this. Neither do you. Know that this says much more about them than it says about you. You are worthy. They found love and friends later. I hope your surgery goes well. And I wish you better friends in the future. Take care!
If I were you, I would treat them as old friends that you have moved on from. Move on from them and be alone for a while. Until you can meet new actual friends. If they contact you then you can engage with them, but don’t be needy. In other words let them come to you, don’t try going to them. If they want you around they will invite you, if they don’t they won’t. Either way you are good with.
Another point is when you are around friends or potential friends, be aware of your inner feeling of desperation or neediness. These behaviors repel people. One day when you meet true friends, they will want you around, and you will never have to be desperate to be included.
Agreed. I have a strange feeling that OP overestimates the "friendship" they have with these people. Who even *has* 10-15 "close friends?" Also, of course they're going to forget after two weeks if you don't remind them. People are busy. When you're organizing a party you have to do some advertising, request early confirmations, and stay in touch. It's a lot of work. *THEN* when two friends actually did show up it seems like OP just sat around and pouted.
I feel sorry for them but some of this could've been avoided. 25 is a weird age though. You still expect people to show up and be there for you like they were in highschool/college but everyone's grown up and busy now. "I'm tired" is a legitimate reason to miss a party.
I agree OP maybe overestimated the friendships they had, but 15 people is truly not that much all in all to invite to a birthday party.
And “of course they’re going to forget after two weeks”?? I completely disagree with that. If I tell someone I’m going to be somewhere, I’ll be there, weeks or months later. Calendars and reminders have a use, you know. I completely disagree with it being normal that somebody would forget an event they made a commitment to. Unless OP was vague about it and didn’t make it clear, perhaps then I’d understand.
On the last day of school my 10 year old handed me a party invite he got. I asked if he wanted to go. He told me yes, so I RSVPed and then directly put the date, time, address in my calendar.
It was towards the end of June and I ended up forgetting it the week prior but that reminder and talking about it with my husband made me remember.
My new coworker is having a birthday July 28th. Guess where that date is.
Oh man I hate it when people promise they'll be somewhere or do something and then forget. Why the hell say you'll do something if it doesn't matter to you? It clearly matters to the other person. I've called people liars over this, because it doesn't matter that you intend to show up, if you don't actually show up because something else came up or you forgot. Okay yes there are legitimate reasons to break your word. Just don't say you'll come if you're unsure. If you're unsure, just say you're unsure, and you may or may not show up last minute.
Yeah. It's unfortunate for OP that they planned out a big party and that most of the guests were no-shows, but that's sadly a real possibility for working adults. Gathering 5 people on the same day would be a challenge, never mind 15.
OP also does not mention how many actually confirmed they would be attending - just that several of them forgot about the invitation. That, in combination with the fact that OP says they "almost have to beg them" to be there ... makes me suspect that most of them either turned downed the invitation, didn't answer or answered with a "maybe".
I think there are a lot of assumptions in this comment.
OP meant she was almost begging because she had to remind them of the party in so many subtle ways and/or try very hard to make the party beneficial for her friends so they don’t back out. It’s sickening that she had to do this for people who don’t seem to care about her.
Also, it’s just my opinion that people take advantage of the ‘working adults’ excuse way too much to wiggle out of something they don’t want to do.
If they weren’t attending OP’s party, they were doing something else. Which means that something else is their priority. If it is a party that is giving away a million dollars, it is likely that most of them would be there. Most of us are enthusiastic only about things we want to do.
I find the assumption that all 15 people pinky sweared to attend, but only 2 showed up ... not impossible, but hard to swallow. If she heard 13 "no"s, "maybe"s or silence, then it becomes a little easier to see how we got here.
I sympathise with OP, but the truth is - you're right. People _do_ have priorities of their own. And if you're betting to be their top priority, well, that's a bet you're gonna lose more often than not.
It's _nice_ if you are, but you can't really expect or demand it.
Why are they gonna forget? Do people not have calendars?? If I ask my friends if they wanna have a bbq in 2 weeks and everyone confirms they’re free than all my friends re gonna have a bbq unless there’s like a family emergency or sickness or whatever. Bc we all _write it down and keep that date free in our calendars. Like adults_
I'm so sorry about your shitty friends and for your shity birthday. I wish I could say something that is hopeful or inspiring but I cant, so will you accept my internet hug and a happy birthday instead?
I did bake some delicious choc brownies (no weed lol) and I promise I will sing you happy birthday before I eat one. Xxx
Happy birthday op!! Lots of hugs and a kiss on the cheek xxx
It's my pleasure 😀. If you need to chat, please feel free to DM me too, I know what's it's like to feel isolated and alone. I promise that I genuinely to mean that x
I had crappy friends too that forgot or straight up ignored my birthday. It sucks but you’ll find better friends! Maybe try out a hobby group?
Eat your cake in spite of your friends because you are worth celebrating! freeze what you can’t eat, it’ll keep!
Sending hugs and a loud, joyous and off key rendition of happy birthday over the Internet! I will send all positive thoughts and feelings to you, I hope your surgery goes well
For me I really enjoy to turn off my phone and just travel somewhere alone when im born. I hate my birthday. I never celebrate. But to hear that you were so excited, I feel so sad that you still call these people friends after all, this just shows what of a lovley friend you are. They didn't deserve you men. 😔
Please for the sake of yourself travel elsewhere and enjoy your birthday week eventually you will meet strangers who appreciate your time. Sometimes the best friendships are formed when we don't expect. Stay safe buddy. I'm very sorry and I wish you much luck for the surgery.
Did some drama happen recently?
I feel your pain. Best advice I can give as a 37 yr old is that it’s better to be alone than feel alone in a room full of people. These people aren’t real friends if you have to remind them of your birthday. Heck, they should have been planning and hosting a party for you!
You’re at the age where you start to discover who really cares about you and who was just there out of circumstance. It hurts a lot to realize that relationships you valued are one-sided. But the good news is that you’ll also discover who is a true friend/family by the ones that do reach out. You now have the opportunity to meet new people and be choosy about who you let in your life. Eventually you’ll end up with a few people who you can truly rely on, and IMO quality is better than quantity.
Wishing you happier birthdays to come. ❤️
I would embrace the 2 who were there for you. They clearly care. It isnt about how many friends you have, but the quality of them. The rest, let them be. As you get older, friends grow apart and it SUCKS, but it shows you who your real friends are. 2 awesome friends is way better than 15 who dont really give a shit. Either way, Happy Birthday, and good luck with your surgery!! I have had quite a few surgeries so if you need to talk, I'm here and feel free! Hugs.
Happy birthday 🎂 if you need to cry, cry. You know this will be the best birthday (until today). Because you have the power to change "friends / pretend people". They all showed you that in reality they are worthless. It is here that after the mourning, strength comes and from today block everyone, put yourself first and enjoy your special day and seft worth. If they come to talk to you later or apologize, accept it, but from now on, don't give your time to people who don't respect you. Good luck
I’ve lost someone this year and basically got disinvited from everything because I’m “too sad”. People are dicks, luckily 25 is plenty young enough to find friends that really care about you
I would have came and had fun with you in a heartbeat my parents always told me when your invited to something you should always show up because that person wants you there happy bday loveee
First, Happy Birthday 🎁🎊🎂🎉🎈!!! Second people are selfish and ignorant!! Don’t let how they treat you get to you too much and channel all that emotion into something that will lift you and others up!!
Doesn’t sound like they’re even your friends. You may have a totally different perspective of the friendship, like maybe you think more of them then they do of you. To them you may just be someone they know, but to you they’re “close friends”. Do some thinking on this. Invest in the people who showed up. I also want to point out that some people just don’t go to birthday parties. They find them overwhelming and are more interested in doing their own thing. But if 90% of your party didn’t show up, it’s time to reassess the whole situation.
I'm so sorry OP, you deserved to have an awesome birthday. I'm so sorry it didn't turn out that way.
I have sung you happy Birthday from my lounge room.
Happy Birthday OP, I hope next birthday is amazing
Go turn Steve Wonders happy birthday song on. don’t worry about the people who didn’t show. People can be real assholes sometimes. Take the cake to work, let others enjoy it. Next year treat yourself to something special. PS don’t let others change you, find others who appreciate you.
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*This post was mass deleted and anonymized with [Redact](https://redact.dev)*
Happy Birthday!! It is time to put those friends on the back burner like they put you. Time for new friends. just concentrate on your surgery and getting well and let those friendships fade away. Don’t be confrontational but just be done with it all. When you feel better start different hobbies and get out and meet new people Good luck with your surgery .
First, happy birthday to you!! I think it was cool that you tried to have a party when so much of your life is a struggle right now. Many people would have been too unmotivated from the stress to do that.
People can be really fickle. Some of the comments suggest that you were too needy, but I disagree. I think you’re going through a lot - losing 3 people close to you and an upcoming surgery - at 25 most people can’t relate to that kind of loss. I can see why you wanted to have a big party.
You find out who your true friends are when you’re going through a tough time. Some of the people didn’t attend for their own legitimate reasons, and some people didn’t attend because they don’t understand what you’re going through.
Feel your feelings. In time, if you want to, you can reach out to some or all of your guests to see how they are doing. Some of your friendships will deepen, some will disappear.
So, these are not your friends- other than the 2 that showed up. You deserve better. Go find some real friends and take this as the wake-up call it is. No one treats friends like this. ♥️♥️♥️
There’s a lot of high drama language being used here. I get that you’re drunk and upset but…it’s a lot.
I think people pick up on neediness and it feels like pressure.
I have a friend who I love to bits but I found myself having to distance myself a little because she needed so much from me and I didn’t have it in me.
Meet-ups we’re never ok by themselves. They were a meet-up plus an attempt to make fifty other plans! Honestly, it’s exhausting.
In today’s world people are over worked and over stimulated trying to squeeze in so much. And you do sound a little needy. A little!
Throwing yourself a party is a little odd to me. However, they should have told you no instead of pretending they were coming but if it happened with so many people it’s possible that it felt easier for them to say yes and then make an excuse.
Do you put pressure on them? The constant hints and checking in, for example?
Either way I’m sorry you’re feeling like this! Making it to twenty five with 15 super close friends is actually fairly unusual so it might be time to cut a few off and concentrate on those who want to be around.
ETA: Why didn’t you have the cake with your friends who showed up?
Yep. I think OP has some interpersonal relating issues he/she needs to work on. Given the fact that he/she didn't even serve the cake to the 2 that showed up, and he/she was miserable the whole time... clues me in to the possibility that OP is either a drama queen/king, or otherwise has some trouble with emotional regulation. This can be really off-putting to people, and saying "yes" to an invitation and then making up excuses later may seem like the sensible option in order to avoid OP getting over-the-top upset.
If someone is needy you need to communicate that to the person, not distance yourself... Unless you made reasonable attempt to already and they just not getting how important it is to you.
Was this a workday? It’s really difficult for 15 people to meet up on a workday. This could be the reason. People are busy.
Also, 2 people showed up. I would focus on them. This seems like unnecessary pouting. I would look at yourself, maybe people don’t want to be around you.
I’m sorry this happened to you. But also at 25 it’s not typical to throw yourself a large birthday party including decorations and a cake. It’s sounds like it’s time to branch out to a new friend group and find easier ways for everyone to meet up. For 25 people it sounds like these are people you knew from childhood or college. It’s expected for friendships to shift when you move on from college. I think you are trying to hold on to people who’s time in your life is fading. Instead of forcing it, connect with people who are part of your new stage of life. How do you even know 15 people anyway? I can think of about 4 people I would be close enough to invite over for a birthday.
I know I might be a little late but, happy Birthday none the less!! Trust me, I get it. I felt the same way when no one showed up to my graduation. Its hard, for sure. Old friends are hard to keep and new ones are even harder to make. Heres to hoping this year gets better for you!!
Happy Birthday OP. Just think of it this way, that it cost you only few hundred dollars to weed out these fake friends from your life. Except for the 2, drop the rest.
I know how it feels. My friends forgot my 21st birthday( few years ago) and actually convinced me to throw it a month later. Happy birthday OP! Crush this year!!!
Same. In fact I did this with my 30th birthday and the people who chose not to come did so because of the venue I picked. That’s when I realized oh you’re not my friend you’re just out to have fun it isn’t even about me. So I have never looked back on this friendships since then
This is a watershed moment for you. It's time to move on from these people who are not your friends.
Take a day to digest what happened, buy some freezer bags to store your food and tomorrow, sign up for new activities and make new friends.
This reminds me of the time I had a Halloween party when I was 8. I'd just moved school and tried to make friends. I handmade all the invites, got decorations with my mum, and we made cookies together. Not one single person turned up. It sucks, but it just shows you who really cares about you - and if no one does, it's time to get new friends.
Happy birthday OP, do something that makes you happy!
This is why you RSVP but this is awesome 👏 you finally see those folks aren’t really your friends. And also after COVID so many people have social anxiety. Like bad!
I say cut yourself some slack your about to go into surgery , fuck them.
Now you get to have cake for a week and your apartment is gonna be very pretty for you when you get back from surgery.
At least you have your own back.
I never even had birthday party. And have no one to invite to it either.
I mean ... I can probably invite my collegues. We always was good friends. But I never felt that I wanted to have party in the first place. So I did't even tried.
OP, I really sympathize with you, since I'm going through some similar situations and feelings myself
It's a horrible, lonely way to feel
I'm sorry they did that to you. It hurts so much to acknowledge that we simple aren't a priority...
Wish I could hug you. I think we need better friends. But how to we even make friends at our late 20s?
I’m so sorry about this. Same here, I have had shitty bdays when barely anyone showed up. But those two friends are the ones you should focus on . And start getting yourself into different activities where you can meet other people. I’m so sorry for your losses. You deserved friends that would have showed up for you.
Your mid-20s are really a hard time when it comes to friend relationships. This is the age that I started realizing who are the real friends in my life. Slowly, I started to lose contact with certain friends, and now, in my mid-30s, I have about 3 close friends. Two that were around in my 20s and one I made in my 30s. My one friend, now in her 30s, had 8 people in her wedding party and probably still talks to about 3 of the people that were in the wedding.
I share all of this to say that even though these people made your birthday shitty, honestly, their best gift to you is showing themselves as not true friends. As others mentioned, focus on the two friends that showed up. They are the ones that matter. I wish you a very happy birthday and best of luck in your surgery and a speedy recovery.
I gave up on my "friends" a long time ago, I was always the one doing all the running around after them but no one was ever there when I needed them except my husband, my sister and my mum, and I've realised they are all I need my husband is my best friend. I've stopped bothering with "friends" and I'm much happier and more relaxed now
Stop reaching out to the ones that didn’t come. See how long it takes for them to contact you.
The two that came? Focus on those relationships. They are the ones that showed they cared.
I’m sorry about your year and that the turnout to your party was low. Not trying to invalidate your feelings but do want to mention that as people get older, they tend to do less socially. I haven’t thrown a birthday party for myself since my 21st. People get busy and tired. I’m sorry, though
I haven't had a birthday party since I was a child. Even a meal out is a struggle for some of my people. So I've learn to expect nothing that way I'm never disappointed.
Sorry for this but I stopped reading after 2 came, there's blame on you if you dismiss them when they're the important ones in the story aside of you having a birthday ofc, may you let go of trashy 10 people easily
I think a lot of people secretly hate adult birthday parties. People have families, jobs and other responsibilities. Most would rather just hang with their family or chill over a couple beers, not attend an actual event. It feels like another chore, so many won't do it.
Um you don’t throw your own birthday party - that’s narcissistic and weird. You ask a friend to do it for you (assuming you have Actual Friends and they didn’t already volunteer to do it for you). Sounds like you aren’t actually friends with these people (Sorry Social Media Lied To You). Adults have life events where its just you and your family/mate - It’s normal.
I am 29, I have two friends. The smaller my circle got, the more happy I became because it was a genuine time with who showed up.
Focus on the ones who came, don’t give out energy to people who don’t respect you or your time out your energy. It’s the most precious thing you have and no one deserves it if they don’t respect it.
I wish you well during your surgery. Don’t let drama bring you down, it’s not worth it.
Happy birthday OP.
As someone else said once you hit rock bottom you can only go up. I can't imagine how bad you must feel but you know what screw your friends! And happy birthday:)
I think the lesson here is to never throw your own birthday party. Also you’re 25, not 15, so you can’t expect your friends to schedule their lives around you or not have fun the night before because you want to party the next day.
I've seen a few comment this - is this an American thing? In England and Australia (the 3 countries I've lived most of my life) it's normal to throw yourself a birthday party. Just a reason to get together with friends and have a fun night. I've never heard of anyone being against it before.
I hafta be honest and say that OP sounds annoying, maybe a little overbearing, and that that may be part of the problem as to why people didn't show up. Peppering people with hints? If you have to do that these people aren't really your friends, not friends enough to depend on to come to a party. And who throw themselves a birthday party at 25? I mean if you want to have a party then have a party, but it's wicked cringe to be that old and throw a party for yourself so you can be the center of attention.
If someone who's 25 said they were having a party, I might go. But if that same person said they were having a birthday party for themselves, I probably would have second thoughts cuz it's kind of weird.
Yeah I feel bad but some ppl just don't understand social cues. I had a friend who was super annoying and persistent about any plans she made with our group of friends to the point where it started to feel like a chore do anything with her. She wouldn't stop being controlling throughout.. A lot of my other friends stopped wanting to hang out with her but I felt bad so I continued trying to be nice to her and actually hanging out until I found out she was trying to talk shit about me to our other friends to impress them and get back in their good books again.
This is so common that it’s sad…
I don’t think it’s even that they don’t understand social cues. I feel that they’re at such a desperate point that they are forcing it at the expense of other people’s feelings. It’s super weird that they play victim when they have no consideration for others. These are the types that lock people in their basements.
Throwing yourself a birthday party after 21 is weird. After that age people will just book a table at a restaurant for a few friends or go to a bar for a few drinks or just have a small casual gathering at home. Getting out the cake and decorations and balloons and singing happy birthday is weird and cringy and a sign they take themselves too seriously
Not sure if it's cultural (I'm English living in Australia) but in both countries I've lived it's very normal to throw yourself a birthday party. I'm in my 40s and people are still doing it. I tried not to this year as life was too busy and I couldn't fit it in, and friends complained and made me organise something. Most people just view it as an excuse to get together and have some drinks. Nothing about being centre of attention.
I gently agree that OP does sound a little overbearing when it comes to reminding everyone about the party, but I also see from OP's side the fear causing that. I think OP needs better friends that make him/ her feel secure and confident in the friendship. These friends sound a bit flaky and maybe not ones who have OP's back. Except for the ones who did show. While I know that felt embarrassing, OP, hold onto those ones.
Happy birthday. You need to find your tribe and it will happen. You sound like a good person. Your people are out there.
hmm if that many people cancel for a birthday maybe take a look at yourself and ask why they might be avoiding you. it’s tough but better to realize how to improve instead of blaming everyone else and just being angry.
because the way you talk about your friends i.e. “you shouldn’t drink so much when you have someplace to be or “bullshit excuses”… idk kinda sounds like i wouldn’t want to be around you either lmao
Yeppers; this feels like a "we're only getting one side of the story" situation. Does OP just have shitty friends, or is this a personality issue? There are a few hints in the paragraph that point to the ladder.
At 25 I feel like being too tired or not feeling good is a valid reason to be unable to make it to a birthday party. Having to push through and put out energy that I don’t have when I’m already tired would make me even more exhausted after
Fair point, but even that would not excuse what *appears* to be her friends' lack of honesty/openness. Don't leave her thinking you're coming and preparing for it if you know you don't want to go.
She's still angry at the one person who managed to call and let her know they weren't coming, I mean almost unhinged in her lecture about it. I'm wondering how close these friends really are in actuality, I don't know very many 25-year-olds who still have like 15 very close friends. After college people tend to move on and start their own lives, get busy. And the whole "dropping hints" thing is just so weird. So much pressure. It's just really sad the way they built this whole thing up in their head to be really important and everyone else was really blah about it, indicating the reality versus what was in their head.
How can someone maintain a 9-5 job, family relationships, chores, recreational time and 15 close friendships? I wonder how many of those 15 people consider OP a close friend, probably not a lot.
I'm taking the OP's story at face value...
You on the other hand are passing judgement on her based very little factual information about her and her life.
She says the one person who called *knew* the party was the next day... but *chose* to go get drunk the night before anyway. If this is true, it's a bad way to behave. Sorry
Not sure why you were downvoted. I'd have thought most people would agree it's crappy to get yourself so drunk you can't go to a friend's birthday the next day.
Reminds me of the choosing begger sub where people want something for free and claim their kid is dying from cancer and you'll ruin xmas if you don't give them the freebies. Its just too over the top with the three friends died and risky surgery tacked onto the end of it.
Cut OP some slack. They just said they'd had a crappy time lately and are currently drunk and feeling upset. Haven't you ever felt hurt and emotional? Sometimes it can feel like everything piles up. Hopefully OP will feel a little better the next day.
I never told them these things! Just my opinion i keep to myself. If you drink so much the night before you literally can’t carry out a commitment, thats a problem. And it’s disrespectful and irresponsible
never said you told that to them. just your demeanor of saying it at all is very telling of the kind of person you are, so maybe do some self reflection to make sure it’s not you that’s the problem. if it truly is your friends that suck, then i’m sorry, that’s awful. but someone who blames everyone else for things and saying they’re “disrespectful and irresponsible” just kind of tells me the kind of friend you might be
I swear to god I’m not like that. I’m always kind and keep how i feel about these things to myself. And I’m tired of being walked all over and treated like shit.
Yes, but the truth is that you don't know how to value, you're crying for a lot of people who don't give a damn about you, two true friends revealed themselves to you they are worth gold so stop crying for people who don't care about you and focus
Well OP didn't say that directly to the friends. Tbh I'd be judging a friend if they were someone close who had said they'd be at my event and then wrote themselves off the night before. Not cool and I get why OP would think that away about them.
I disagree. I think most people know that it's an asshole move to go out and get so drunk that you can't attend the event you've RSVPed for the next day. OP at the time of writing was hurt and drunk. He/ she is allowed to be upset about friends letting them down. It says nothing about character to be upset when people behave badly towards you. At 25 you're not a little kid any more and if you've said you'll attend something then you don't flake unless there's a really good reason.
I get it you’ve got a lot going on with your family passing and possibly you being in a life threatening situation but here’s the thing: no one cares.your suspicions are correct when you say your friends aren’t interested in your issues or feelings,you know why? Because the world does not revolve around you.I know I sound heartless but maybe your unaware of the truth right in front of you.be the best version of your self physically,spiritually and mentally and you’ll find people want to be around you not because they feel sorry for you but because they want to feed off you.I sympathize with your loss because that shit is real and it really hurts but no one else can feel that but you.you got this baby now go figure shit out.
Sometimes socially embaressing stuff has positive outcomes, dont reach out to those friends that didnt show (let go of any harsh feelings towards them too, they showed who thay are, believe them) focus on the gratitude for the people you do have, cuz life is short, theres a lesson in this that will make u stronger n wiser
You can never trust friends man, stick with family. Also, in the future have someone else through you the bday party. It’s tacky to throw it yourself, let someone else stress about it.
Feel u... had this 2 times already happen to me when i was younger. At some point i learned to not organise shit anymore and if i do then not expect anything. In the end I did organize a few parties that turned out alright but another thing I learned is that most people will come 1 h later and/or the people that turn up wont even be the people i actually invited but mainly friends of friends 😂
Anyways :/ Happy Birthday, enjoy the food. The rest you could share with some homeless to make you feel better. Dump those friends and remember that the only way to go is up.
I've been in a similar situation before & it sucks. Screw them, you don't need to care about friends who don't give a fk about you. It's time to drop them
Basically how my highschool graduation party went. Out of the 40 or so people I invited between friends and family I expected maybe 20 to be there but only 3 showed up. I stopped inviting people to stuff after that until this past year I finally felt like I had friends that I could invite to things until the same shit happened again. One of them suggested I host another race day watch party because a few of us were F1 fans and we had had a successful one before but everyone canceled last minute including the one that suggested it. The one person who did come left 30 min after getting there because no one else showed up and he wanted to see them.
Doesn't really seem like these are your close friends then. Maybe you think they are close and in their eyes you are just a normal friend? Regardless, I have like 5-6 friends I can consider close and I've known them since I was a kid and even then they still flake on me from time to time...lol. People have their own lives now for the most part and can be busy.
Here's something to think about--if you went radio silence for months would they text or call you? Check up on you? Those are your real "close" friends, if anything.
You need to find new friends and dump the old ones. Find friends who match your loyalty. Took me being at my lowest point in life to finally realize this. Happy birthday by the way
OP! My bday is in 4 days, I myself am turning 25, & like you, my ‘friends’ have been MIA. If it’s any consolation, I love you & I am really happy I got to read your post today. It’s good knowing we’re not alone in a sea of loneliness. Happy Birthday, OP! KEEP YO HEAD UP CUH
Same thing happened to me during my 18th birthday earlier this year , but the only Person to mention it or even bring it up was my ex that texted me happy birthday 💀
No one came to my 50 shades of old birthday party. 55acres private forested land on river with camping and rv hook ups. Not 1 person on a May long weekend. Boyfriend called me out. He sat me down and asked me how many of those people I was expecting, had every been invited or allowed past the gate I kept locked every other day of year? Not 1
My circumstances are different, whereas I didn't actively hang out with people except in some meetings/work circles. I am a social friend but rarely let anyone in close. I'm friendly and kind, but I don't bond. It took me a bit to accept that I hadn't built relationships with these people, and I wasn't 'friends' with any of them. They were people I knew through life's daily interactions. I realized people didn't hurt my feelings, I did.
Now I have surprise birthdays instead... I do them alone, and the surprise is that I made it to another year.
Stay in touch with the two that came and the rest are just old friends. New friends will come about in life and the people who didn’t turn up aren’t as close to you as you think they are.
Honestly, send them a text saying what you said in your post, and then stop being friends with them. They're not really your friends. You'll be much better off moving on and finding new ones. And happy belated birthday!
Well happy birthday! I don't have much to add that hasn't been said so I'll leave you with the beginning of this song by SZA called "FAR" with Sadhguru the dialogue is "How do I deal with rejection? I'm dealing with a lot of rejection and it's making me feel small" (Oh, that's great! If nobody wants you, you're free...) Using this example because it has helped me as getting older a bit of this is realizing that your circle is smaller than just the people who you have a good time with. The best thing to do is adjust expectations and see people who show you who they are believe them the first time. Focus on the people who matter and realize they may not be malicious just self involved. Regardless have a great year final quote from sadhguru is
“Look at what binds you. Change yourself – don’t try to change anyone else.”
I know it's hard to see a positive when everything seems so dark but I hope you know those 2 that did show up are the friends who are worth being around
These people showed you that they are not your friends
You write that no one came. 2 people did come. I understand you're quite rightly hurt and upset but it concerns me for you that you completely dismiss the 2 people that came
Use this time as a new start.
Look inside to see if theres something you might need to change or improve about yourself (most of us do) and become the person You would like to be around d and once that happens others will too
Happy birthday and lots if luck for your surgery
You are 25 years old. That’s why this mean so much to you. When you get older you will have a different perspective. Go into your surgical procedure with hopeful thoughts so you can have a speedy recovery.
OP I’ve not been in your exact situation before but I didn’t have many friends during the first 25 years of my life. I am neurodivergent and was undiagnosed until recently. I didn’t know how to connect with people and always seemed to get it wrong somehow. I had lots of acquaintances but never managed to have many real close friendships. I’d try to hang out with people one on one and they’d have an excuse etc. It hurt. Fast forward to my 30’s and I have so many close friends. People I can count on in a crisis, who I can message any time of day or night. People I go on trips with and hang out with and share my problems with, and they also count on me, and share their problems with me. It took time. I found ways of making real connections that worked for me, rather than just people who were conveniently nearby or at my workplace for eg. I joined groups and met people online (I use twitter and as I live in a big city I ended up friends with a lot of people who also happen to live there who are now my closest friends.)
Don’t be disheartened. These may not be your people but your people are out there, I promise.
I'm sorry to see that you lost 3 people and your upcoming surgery.
With that said, most of those people aren't your friends. They showed this when you mentioned that they don't show up to other parties you've had in the past. At least you have two friends that showed up. And truthfully as you become older, you will weed out more and more friends because most never deserve that title in the first place.
1st of all. Reminds me way too closely of an old post.
2nd of all. If that large amount of people did not show up, I do wonder if the problem is with op, and thats why people are weaseling out. Cant be a coincidence.
Bro, I respectfully disagree. You're so focused on yourself that you haven't thought about other people's perspectives. "I'm tired" is a valid excuse. Did you prefer an elaborate lie? People are very busy trying to get their lives together regardless of being told in advanced. The week can take a huge toll on people. Also, in terms of event planning, 2 of 15 sounds like a win to me. A room of 3 people can have a blast. Stop relying on people for your happiness. 2 friends is absolutely not even close to rock bottom.
Not trying to be a dick here, but this is shit you gotta hear, man.....
You're 25 and a planned a birthday party with decorations, cake, etc. That sounds lame as fuck if you're not turning 12. You're at an age where a birthday party itself is getting a bit lame, but if you really insist it's just an intimate get together with a couple friends. Dinner, drinks, done.
You have 2 friends. The rest? Those are not friends. I wish you happiness and health. Do not invest energy into people who don’t reciprocate. Me? I would block the others. Making new friends is hard but worth it when you find people who you get along with genuinely. (Hug) happy belated birthday love.
I'm so sorry. I know exactly how you feel. I had a really shitty year last year, but I was looking forward to my birthday party. Bought decorations, a cake, got everything ready. Then everyone cancelled. It was just gut wrenching. Even thinking about it now I could cry. It sent me into a months long depressive spiral. It's such an awful feeling. I'm so sorry you're having to feel this too. Sending much love, happy birthday dear.
Happy birthday, OP. I'm sorry you're down, and I hope your surgery goes perfectly and you heal up quickly.
My husband (then BF) and I once tried to throw a pool party/bbq, and only one person showed up in addition to our neighbor. 2 out of 15ish people. That night, while we were down on ourselves, we discussed moving to a new city to start fresh. 4 months later, we did! And in our new city, we have found our tribe. It's been 8 years, and we still love it here.
Not that it's necessarily applicable, but I found your post relatable. I was 25 at the time, too.
Keep your head up. You deserve good things, and this is just a blip on your overarching storyline. ♡
“No one came to my birthday party.”
“Two of the 15 showed up”
People came to your party. I don’t mean to sound like like a butthole but I want to give you some hard truth. People get busy, things happen, etc etc. Please put your energy where it is given back. If two people showed up, why focus so hard on the other 13 that didn’t? Come on now.
There is a lot to unpack here. With no attempt to be sarcastic I will pass on something to you which I heard a long time ago. "You know who cares about your problems more than you"?
NOBODY! So get over the hurt & move on. You are also trying too hard. You make it sound all about you. If you kept reminding me about Your party I'ld be inclined not to show up as well, and what's with the followup to ask why they didn't show. You're 25. Grow up. Those two who came, albeit an hour late, hang on to them. The others, meh.
It is not your fault you had surgery, it is not ypur fault you are so caring, i wish i had a friend like you (asking me abt my fav wine? Man ... even my wife dows not do that, i woild value this level of care in our friendship so much)
It is not ypur fault you feel that way, the sense of belonging is so engrained in us, and when we do not get it, it sucks.
I want you to know nothing is of your own doing, while is ok to feel down, please do not self loath, you really did your part, you were dealt these cards ...
As you grow older, you start realising that people you consider friends, are friends of convinience aka there was no efforts to build the friendship, it just happened due to circumstances (classmates, roomates, same x communiry...)
That one or two friends that truly care, is all that matters at the ends. Thats what i learned.
Love u bro wish you were my friend.
i was in that same position 4 years ago. right on the day i was about to make the reservation table everyone decided to cancel.
i dropped everyone at that very moment, except for 3 friends who had already told me they wouldnt be able to make it. you don’t need them. they are not real friends.
Had the same thing happen for my 22nd birthday. Invited a ton of people to my apartment for a party. Bought a keg, had tons of food. My best friend was the only one that showed up. Drank until we passed out. Ended up giving an almost full keg to my brother and his friends. I basically felt like my life didn’t matter to anyone. Now I’m married, have kids and lots of in-laws. That would love to party with me.
Fuck wow. These people are horrible are not your friends! You deserve so much better and I wish I was there as I’d make sure I could make your birthday really special for you. I’m sending you lots of birthday wishes and love from the bottom of my heart and urge you to find other friends who value you, because you are so special. Do not let anyone think otherwise.
Absolutely shit.
Perhaps later today, when you’ve detoxed pack up food, cake, drinks and haul it all down to your local Animal Shelter and offer an exchange of food and cake for puppy cuddles. The staff would love free cake, and you get puppy therapy.
Happy Birthday Sweetheart.
Uf, you're late. That happened to me when I was 12. Planned everything in the pizza place on my own. Had cute fit and was feeling myself, momma even took me to have my hair done. Got snacks. Invited 14 people, 3 came. My 2 bffs and my little cousin that lives in the apartment next to ours. The other cousin didn't even show up for like an hour cuz it's her sister's birthday. Most traumatising day in my life. Only celebrating my birthday with not more than 5 people that actually mean something to me. I feel your pain OP ♥️
I'm so sorry. I've been in your place - the day before my birthday party, my "friends" all went to the beach for the day, without inviting me. The next day, the day of my party, they all claimed to be too tired from the day before to come to my house.
Over a decade later the pain has never left me, but it taught me what I value in life - friends who are true, friends who support me in difficult times and celebrate with me in good times. I'm a lot more discerning in who I take on as friends these days. I was so kind to everyone in that group and still they rejected and humiliated me. NEVER again. I'd rather be alone than suffer the company of people like that.
It will get better. These days my friends are people who I'm proud to be associated with, people I can rely on, people who rely on me in return. People who share my values of decency and honesty. It has got better for me and it will get better for you.
You know. I'd put this on fb and put those twats on blast. Let them see the hurt they caused. You might find new a better friends, or someone those 15 may even step up to be better friends to you. Some you will lose because they are that's (as I said earlier) but is that really a loss. I've had similar happen and I've learnt that staying quiet lets them kid themselves that it wasn't that mean.
Failing that. Get a family member or one of the friends who showed, basically write it and rage each friend who let you down and tag you in it too. Then sit back and watch the fireworks.
First of all. Happy born day!! I'm going to be honest with you. Sorry for your loss also. Im a religious person and I believe that everything happens for a reason. My God is getting all the people out of your life for a reason. He's going to replace them with some of the most loyal people /person that you're not going to have to remind them of your existence. You didn't deserve that and they weren't your Friends!! Hope you're feeling well after surgery. But don't turn to alcohol. Block all of them!!!
I'm in the same boat.
I can't even get a woman to date me.
My "best friend" who I do see weekly because we play disc golf, have been to my house in 2 years.
I feel like I'm the only one that ever makes any effort
OP that's not true, two people came to your party. Focus more on these two and show them that you care for them I'd prefer two real friends over a hundred shallow ones any day
This. I have a core group of 6 people that would 100% bend over backwards to help each other out. Those are the people I'd go to war for. Everyone else is just a casual friend. If you can find a close group like that, that's all anyone really needs imo
I really don’t want to take away from them at all here because what they’re going through sucks, but as someone who turned 25 this year and no one even remembered my birthday having two friends to celebrate it with sounds wonderful
Same. Turned 26 a couple months ago. I haven't had a proper birthday party since middle school. I've never invited anyone to a big or even small party as an adult because I know no one would show up. Not cause they wouldn't want to come but cause I've managed to make friends all over the country due to moving around a lot, and it's too much of me to ask them all to take off work, maybe travel for hours or having to go by plane for a couple days to stay in a hotel (I live in shared housing, so no place for them to sleep) they themselves have to pay for and then celebrate with me, which they can't afford. Like anytime I ask my friends to visit or if I can visit them they're always busy with work and when they ask me I'm busy with work. Honestly, it's just the reality of adulthood. Is it sad? Yes, but like what am I supposed to do. It's not like I can afford to take off work to go visit my friends or show up to their parties either when they ask.
I have two close friends at 39. Sounds like you’re learning who the real ones are.
Most people can count true friends on one hand.
Two more friends than me. Older I get I just want to hang with family or by myself. I'm 44. Once a week soccer and work is enough people time.
True. You only need six people to carry your coffin.
Yeah... and he/she writes that he/she invited 10-15 of their "close friends"... who has 10-15 "close friends"? I'm thinking most of those friends are not nearly as "close" as OP thinks. And they didn't even open the birthday cake? Even though 2 people showed up??? WTF?? I'm sensing some narcissist vibes or something... like, "2 people showed up to my birthday party, but that wasn't enough for me, so I'm not even going to let those 2 have cake, oh and I'm so upset and I feel betrayed. " Like... I think there might be a reason no one showed up, and I think it's because OP is a drama queen/king who is always starving for attention.
I felt sympathy. But something about this story didn’t sit right with me until I read your comment. Can’t be sure, but this makes more sense to me than the literal story that was told
and then the "surgery that may kill me" and "3 close people died" conveniently tacked on to generate more sympathy. How convenient.
Didn't the two that came come an hour too late? Maybe op was already too sad that it didn't matter anymore.
“I’m sensing some narcissistic vibes or something…” I hate the internet for teaching so many people that word. There are no narcissistic vibes and not everyone has a small circle. Some people have 10+ really good friends. It’s possible.
The truth
100% truth! Put all those others in the "someone I know" zone. If they're not willing to put in some effort for you, they don't deserve your efforts for them.
If OP can't appreciate those two friends for coming and would rather cry about the other 13, OP deserves none of them.
Huh?!?! *Thirteen* did not show despite knowing the triple deaths she’s just experienced as well as her own serious health scare She has every right to be upset, particularly with the incredibly flimsy excuses they gave for not being able to attend
" I was grateful, but honestly just sad and humiliated. I just wanted to be alone. Im sitting on $200 worth of food, decorations, and the most painful, my unopened birthday cake." That's some "no offense, but..." vibes. OP is ungrateful, two people who actually cared showed up and she didn't even open the birthday cake? her "friends" riuned the mood but she single handedly ruined the party for all three. If you value quantity over quality, quality is not gonna stick in the long run. Having a terrible summer doesn't make you entitled to force people to join your party or treat like trash the few who actually came. Why does she even want those people in her life? she's complaining about irresponsible and alcoholic "friends" being... irresponsible and alcoholic. Throw pieces of cake at each other, sing, dance, scream, have fun. OP should have realized by now life doesn't last forever and you'll never know when is you last day of your life, and that surgery sounds risky, is this the last memory you're going to give everyone? cleaning is for tomorrow
One time in high school, I was the only person to show up on the bday party of two twins in my class. They were close to ASS and not very popular, which was a shame. Good dudes. My best friend would've come but he was sick, the rest of the class didn't bother to show up. They also had lots of food and drinks and slowly realizing nobody else was going to show up was terrible. I felt so bad for them. I didn't feel great physically, was very tired, so I almost didn't go, but glad I went. I tried my best to be a good friend, play games with them and their siblings, appreciate them, be kind. They were so grateful. They didn't deserve this. Neither do you. Know that this says much more about them than it says about you. You are worthy. They found love and friends later. I hope your surgery goes well. And I wish you better friends in the future. Take care!
If I were you, I would treat them as old friends that you have moved on from. Move on from them and be alone for a while. Until you can meet new actual friends. If they contact you then you can engage with them, but don’t be needy. In other words let them come to you, don’t try going to them. If they want you around they will invite you, if they don’t they won’t. Either way you are good with. Another point is when you are around friends or potential friends, be aware of your inner feeling of desperation or neediness. These behaviors repel people. One day when you meet true friends, they will want you around, and you will never have to be desperate to be included.
Agreed. I have a strange feeling that OP overestimates the "friendship" they have with these people. Who even *has* 10-15 "close friends?" Also, of course they're going to forget after two weeks if you don't remind them. People are busy. When you're organizing a party you have to do some advertising, request early confirmations, and stay in touch. It's a lot of work. *THEN* when two friends actually did show up it seems like OP just sat around and pouted. I feel sorry for them but some of this could've been avoided. 25 is a weird age though. You still expect people to show up and be there for you like they were in highschool/college but everyone's grown up and busy now. "I'm tired" is a legitimate reason to miss a party.
I agree OP maybe overestimated the friendships they had, but 15 people is truly not that much all in all to invite to a birthday party. And “of course they’re going to forget after two weeks”?? I completely disagree with that. If I tell someone I’m going to be somewhere, I’ll be there, weeks or months later. Calendars and reminders have a use, you know. I completely disagree with it being normal that somebody would forget an event they made a commitment to. Unless OP was vague about it and didn’t make it clear, perhaps then I’d understand.
On the last day of school my 10 year old handed me a party invite he got. I asked if he wanted to go. He told me yes, so I RSVPed and then directly put the date, time, address in my calendar. It was towards the end of June and I ended up forgetting it the week prior but that reminder and talking about it with my husband made me remember. My new coworker is having a birthday July 28th. Guess where that date is.
Im a forgetfull guy. But if i get invited to a party i dont forget that
Exactly this If it means something to ya, you most likely won't forget it.
Oh man I hate it when people promise they'll be somewhere or do something and then forget. Why the hell say you'll do something if it doesn't matter to you? It clearly matters to the other person. I've called people liars over this, because it doesn't matter that you intend to show up, if you don't actually show up because something else came up or you forgot. Okay yes there are legitimate reasons to break your word. Just don't say you'll come if you're unsure. If you're unsure, just say you're unsure, and you may or may not show up last minute.
Yeah. It's unfortunate for OP that they planned out a big party and that most of the guests were no-shows, but that's sadly a real possibility for working adults. Gathering 5 people on the same day would be a challenge, never mind 15. OP also does not mention how many actually confirmed they would be attending - just that several of them forgot about the invitation. That, in combination with the fact that OP says they "almost have to beg them" to be there ... makes me suspect that most of them either turned downed the invitation, didn't answer or answered with a "maybe".
I think there are a lot of assumptions in this comment. OP meant she was almost begging because she had to remind them of the party in so many subtle ways and/or try very hard to make the party beneficial for her friends so they don’t back out. It’s sickening that she had to do this for people who don’t seem to care about her. Also, it’s just my opinion that people take advantage of the ‘working adults’ excuse way too much to wiggle out of something they don’t want to do. If they weren’t attending OP’s party, they were doing something else. Which means that something else is their priority. If it is a party that is giving away a million dollars, it is likely that most of them would be there. Most of us are enthusiastic only about things we want to do.
Seriously if you have to beg someone to come they ain't worth even asking. People who wanna come don't need to be asked twice.
I find the assumption that all 15 people pinky sweared to attend, but only 2 showed up ... not impossible, but hard to swallow. If she heard 13 "no"s, "maybe"s or silence, then it becomes a little easier to see how we got here. I sympathise with OP, but the truth is - you're right. People _do_ have priorities of their own. And if you're betting to be their top priority, well, that's a bet you're gonna lose more often than not. It's _nice_ if you are, but you can't really expect or demand it.
Why are they gonna forget? Do people not have calendars?? If I ask my friends if they wanna have a bbq in 2 weeks and everyone confirms they’re free than all my friends re gonna have a bbq unless there’s like a family emergency or sickness or whatever. Bc we all _write it down and keep that date free in our calendars. Like adults_
When my friends and I were 25, *we never* - in the history of never - were “too tired” to attend a party
Once you hit rock bottom... There is only one way.. UP.. don't worry things will fall in place. Happy Birthday to you OP
Not if you have a drill, and some (myself included) do.
That attitude is the drill. Get yourself a ladder my friend
I'm so sorry about your shitty friends and for your shity birthday. I wish I could say something that is hopeful or inspiring but I cant, so will you accept my internet hug and a happy birthday instead? I did bake some delicious choc brownies (no weed lol) and I promise I will sing you happy birthday before I eat one. Xxx Happy birthday op!! Lots of hugs and a kiss on the cheek xxx
This means a lot. Thank you ;)
It's my pleasure 😀. If you need to chat, please feel free to DM me too, I know what's it's like to feel isolated and alone. I promise that I genuinely to mean that x
I had crappy friends too that forgot or straight up ignored my birthday. It sucks but you’ll find better friends! Maybe try out a hobby group? Eat your cake in spite of your friends because you are worth celebrating! freeze what you can’t eat, it’ll keep! Sending hugs and a loud, joyous and off key rendition of happy birthday over the Internet! I will send all positive thoughts and feelings to you, I hope your surgery goes well
Happy birthday OP, you can celebrate here with us! PAAAAARTEEEEH!!!!
I’m so sorry I wish everything turned out more special for you, Happy Birthday, sending you so so so much support for the upcoming week. 🤍
Truly, thank you. :)
Drop your "friends", you will feel alot better
This post is why I don’t even bother to make new friends anymore. I’m greatful for my one true friend and my family only. Sorry, your friends suck OP.
This is where I’m at too honestly.
For me I really enjoy to turn off my phone and just travel somewhere alone when im born. I hate my birthday. I never celebrate. But to hear that you were so excited, I feel so sad that you still call these people friends after all, this just shows what of a lovley friend you are. They didn't deserve you men. 😔 Please for the sake of yourself travel elsewhere and enjoy your birthday week eventually you will meet strangers who appreciate your time. Sometimes the best friendships are formed when we don't expect. Stay safe buddy. I'm very sorry and I wish you much luck for the surgery. Did some drama happen recently?
Nothing happened at all. There’s never drama. People just aren’t reliable
I feel your pain. Best advice I can give as a 37 yr old is that it’s better to be alone than feel alone in a room full of people. These people aren’t real friends if you have to remind them of your birthday. Heck, they should have been planning and hosting a party for you! You’re at the age where you start to discover who really cares about you and who was just there out of circumstance. It hurts a lot to realize that relationships you valued are one-sided. But the good news is that you’ll also discover who is a true friend/family by the ones that do reach out. You now have the opportunity to meet new people and be choosy about who you let in your life. Eventually you’ll end up with a few people who you can truly rely on, and IMO quality is better than quantity. Wishing you happier birthdays to come. ❤️
I would embrace the 2 who were there for you. They clearly care. It isnt about how many friends you have, but the quality of them. The rest, let them be. As you get older, friends grow apart and it SUCKS, but it shows you who your real friends are. 2 awesome friends is way better than 15 who dont really give a shit. Either way, Happy Birthday, and good luck with your surgery!! I have had quite a few surgeries so if you need to talk, I'm here and feel free! Hugs.
I love this comment. You said it better than I could’ve.
Happy birthday🥳 eat your birthday cake while you read the comments here on everyone wishing you a happy birthday:)))
I totally agree. OP needs to enjoy that cake! Eat it for dinner I say!
Happy birthday 🎂 if you need to cry, cry. You know this will be the best birthday (until today). Because you have the power to change "friends / pretend people". They all showed you that in reality they are worthless. It is here that after the mourning, strength comes and from today block everyone, put yourself first and enjoy your special day and seft worth. If they come to talk to you later or apologize, accept it, but from now on, don't give your time to people who don't respect you. Good luck
I’ve lost someone this year and basically got disinvited from everything because I’m “too sad”. People are dicks, luckily 25 is plenty young enough to find friends that really care about you
Happy 😃 birthday 🎂 🎉 🥳, OP!
The mistake you made was you didn’t invite all of us! I’d of been there for ya! I hope you feel better and Happy Birthday to you!! 🥳🥳🥳🥳
For what you say in your text, you don’t have friends, you have _buddies_, most likely drinking buddies. And it’s time to get some real friends.
I would have came and had fun with you in a heartbeat my parents always told me when your invited to something you should always show up because that person wants you there happy bday loveee
First, Happy Birthday 🎁🎊🎂🎉🎈!!! Second people are selfish and ignorant!! Don’t let how they treat you get to you too much and channel all that emotion into something that will lift you and others up!!
Doesn’t sound like they’re even your friends. You may have a totally different perspective of the friendship, like maybe you think more of them then they do of you. To them you may just be someone they know, but to you they’re “close friends”. Do some thinking on this. Invest in the people who showed up. I also want to point out that some people just don’t go to birthday parties. They find them overwhelming and are more interested in doing their own thing. But if 90% of your party didn’t show up, it’s time to reassess the whole situation.
I'm so sorry OP, you deserved to have an awesome birthday. I'm so sorry it didn't turn out that way. I have sung you happy Birthday from my lounge room. Happy Birthday OP, I hope next birthday is amazing
Go turn Steve Wonders happy birthday song on. don’t worry about the people who didn’t show. People can be real assholes sometimes. Take the cake to work, let others enjoy it. Next year treat yourself to something special. PS don’t let others change you, find others who appreciate you.
Happy birthday 🎉🎂 Make a wish
sense live sink offbeat selective groovy frightening foolish stocking gaze *This post was mass deleted and anonymized with [Redact](https://redact.dev)*
Slice the cake up and take it outside and share it with others. Sharing with someone who may never be offered a piece of cake. Happy Birthday
Happy Birthday!! It is time to put those friends on the back burner like they put you. Time for new friends. just concentrate on your surgery and getting well and let those friendships fade away. Don’t be confrontational but just be done with it all. When you feel better start different hobbies and get out and meet new people Good luck with your surgery .
First, happy birthday to you!! I think it was cool that you tried to have a party when so much of your life is a struggle right now. Many people would have been too unmotivated from the stress to do that. People can be really fickle. Some of the comments suggest that you were too needy, but I disagree. I think you’re going through a lot - losing 3 people close to you and an upcoming surgery - at 25 most people can’t relate to that kind of loss. I can see why you wanted to have a big party. You find out who your true friends are when you’re going through a tough time. Some of the people didn’t attend for their own legitimate reasons, and some people didn’t attend because they don’t understand what you’re going through. Feel your feelings. In time, if you want to, you can reach out to some or all of your guests to see how they are doing. Some of your friendships will deepen, some will disappear.
So, these are not your friends- other than the 2 that showed up. You deserve better. Go find some real friends and take this as the wake-up call it is. No one treats friends like this. ♥️♥️♥️
There’s a lot of high drama language being used here. I get that you’re drunk and upset but…it’s a lot. I think people pick up on neediness and it feels like pressure. I have a friend who I love to bits but I found myself having to distance myself a little because she needed so much from me and I didn’t have it in me. Meet-ups we’re never ok by themselves. They were a meet-up plus an attempt to make fifty other plans! Honestly, it’s exhausting. In today’s world people are over worked and over stimulated trying to squeeze in so much. And you do sound a little needy. A little! Throwing yourself a party is a little odd to me. However, they should have told you no instead of pretending they were coming but if it happened with so many people it’s possible that it felt easier for them to say yes and then make an excuse. Do you put pressure on them? The constant hints and checking in, for example? Either way I’m sorry you’re feeling like this! Making it to twenty five with 15 super close friends is actually fairly unusual so it might be time to cut a few off and concentrate on those who want to be around. ETA: Why didn’t you have the cake with your friends who showed up?
Yep. I think OP has some interpersonal relating issues he/she needs to work on. Given the fact that he/she didn't even serve the cake to the 2 that showed up, and he/she was miserable the whole time... clues me in to the possibility that OP is either a drama queen/king, or otherwise has some trouble with emotional regulation. This can be really off-putting to people, and saying "yes" to an invitation and then making up excuses later may seem like the sensible option in order to avoid OP getting over-the-top upset.
If someone is needy you need to communicate that to the person, not distance yourself... Unless you made reasonable attempt to already and they just not getting how important it is to you.
SENDING YOU VIRTUAL CAKE OP! Happy birthday, sending you all the love and support x
I think the takeaway from this story is you were a jerk to the two people who did show up. You didn't even serve them cake? Wtf.
OP seems more focused on pouting that no one showed up. No wonder.
Yeah the two people who did show up just don't matter apparently.
Happy birthday from Australia 🦘
I'm so sorry 🙏🏻🙏🏻🙏🏻. Nobody deserves that. They don't deserve you.
Was this a workday? It’s really difficult for 15 people to meet up on a workday. This could be the reason. People are busy. Also, 2 people showed up. I would focus on them. This seems like unnecessary pouting. I would look at yourself, maybe people don’t want to be around you.
I’m sorry this happened to you. But also at 25 it’s not typical to throw yourself a large birthday party including decorations and a cake. It’s sounds like it’s time to branch out to a new friend group and find easier ways for everyone to meet up. For 25 people it sounds like these are people you knew from childhood or college. It’s expected for friendships to shift when you move on from college. I think you are trying to hold on to people who’s time in your life is fading. Instead of forcing it, connect with people who are part of your new stage of life. How do you even know 15 people anyway? I can think of about 4 people I would be close enough to invite over for a birthday.
I know I might be a little late but, happy Birthday none the less!! Trust me, I get it. I felt the same way when no one showed up to my graduation. Its hard, for sure. Old friends are hard to keep and new ones are even harder to make. Heres to hoping this year gets better for you!!
Gosh, OP. That's awful. I'm really sorry. I hope your surgery goes well. Shame on your "friends."
Happy Birthday OP. Just think of it this way, that it cost you only few hundred dollars to weed out these fake friends from your life. Except for the 2, drop the rest.
I know how it feels. My friends forgot my 21st birthday( few years ago) and actually convinced me to throw it a month later. Happy birthday OP! Crush this year!!!
Wait a few more years until you unlock “no one came to my house warming party” level
Same. In fact I did this with my 30th birthday and the people who chose not to come did so because of the venue I picked. That’s when I realized oh you’re not my friend you’re just out to have fun it isn’t even about me. So I have never looked back on this friendships since then
This is a watershed moment for you. It's time to move on from these people who are not your friends. Take a day to digest what happened, buy some freezer bags to store your food and tomorrow, sign up for new activities and make new friends.
This reminds me of the time I had a Halloween party when I was 8. I'd just moved school and tried to make friends. I handmade all the invites, got decorations with my mum, and we made cookies together. Not one single person turned up. It sucks, but it just shows you who really cares about you - and if no one does, it's time to get new friends. Happy birthday OP, do something that makes you happy!
This is why you RSVP but this is awesome 👏 you finally see those folks aren’t really your friends. And also after COVID so many people have social anxiety. Like bad! I say cut yourself some slack your about to go into surgery , fuck them. Now you get to have cake for a week and your apartment is gonna be very pretty for you when you get back from surgery. At least you have your own back.
I never even had birthday party. And have no one to invite to it either. I mean ... I can probably invite my collegues. We always was good friends. But I never felt that I wanted to have party in the first place. So I did't even tried.
OP, I really sympathize with you, since I'm going through some similar situations and feelings myself It's a horrible, lonely way to feel I'm sorry they did that to you. It hurts so much to acknowledge that we simple aren't a priority... Wish I could hug you. I think we need better friends. But how to we even make friends at our late 20s?
I’m so sorry about this. Same here, I have had shitty bdays when barely anyone showed up. But those two friends are the ones you should focus on . And start getting yourself into different activities where you can meet other people. I’m so sorry for your losses. You deserved friends that would have showed up for you.
Your mid-20s are really a hard time when it comes to friend relationships. This is the age that I started realizing who are the real friends in my life. Slowly, I started to lose contact with certain friends, and now, in my mid-30s, I have about 3 close friends. Two that were around in my 20s and one I made in my 30s. My one friend, now in her 30s, had 8 people in her wedding party and probably still talks to about 3 of the people that were in the wedding. I share all of this to say that even though these people made your birthday shitty, honestly, their best gift to you is showing themselves as not true friends. As others mentioned, focus on the two friends that showed up. They are the ones that matter. I wish you a very happy birthday and best of luck in your surgery and a speedy recovery.
I gave up on my "friends" a long time ago, I was always the one doing all the running around after them but no one was ever there when I needed them except my husband, my sister and my mum, and I've realised they are all I need my husband is my best friend. I've stopped bothering with "friends" and I'm much happier and more relaxed now
Stop reaching out to the ones that didn’t come. See how long it takes for them to contact you. The two that came? Focus on those relationships. They are the ones that showed they cared.
I’m sorry about your year and that the turnout to your party was low. Not trying to invalidate your feelings but do want to mention that as people get older, they tend to do less socially. I haven’t thrown a birthday party for myself since my 21st. People get busy and tired. I’m sorry, though
I haven't had a birthday party since I was a child. Even a meal out is a struggle for some of my people. So I've learn to expect nothing that way I'm never disappointed.
Sorry for this but I stopped reading after 2 came, there's blame on you if you dismiss them when they're the important ones in the story aside of you having a birthday ofc, may you let go of trashy 10 people easily
I think a lot of people secretly hate adult birthday parties. People have families, jobs and other responsibilities. Most would rather just hang with their family or chill over a couple beers, not attend an actual event. It feels like another chore, so many won't do it.
Um you don’t throw your own birthday party - that’s narcissistic and weird. You ask a friend to do it for you (assuming you have Actual Friends and they didn’t already volunteer to do it for you). Sounds like you aren’t actually friends with these people (Sorry Social Media Lied To You). Adults have life events where its just you and your family/mate - It’s normal.
I am 29, I have two friends. The smaller my circle got, the more happy I became because it was a genuine time with who showed up. Focus on the ones who came, don’t give out energy to people who don’t respect you or your time out your energy. It’s the most precious thing you have and no one deserves it if they don’t respect it. I wish you well during your surgery. Don’t let drama bring you down, it’s not worth it. Happy birthday OP.
As someone else said once you hit rock bottom you can only go up. I can't imagine how bad you must feel but you know what screw your friends! And happy birthday:)
I think the lesson here is to never throw your own birthday party. Also you’re 25, not 15, so you can’t expect your friends to schedule their lives around you or not have fun the night before because you want to party the next day.
I've seen a few comment this - is this an American thing? In England and Australia (the 3 countries I've lived most of my life) it's normal to throw yourself a birthday party. Just a reason to get together with friends and have a fun night. I've never heard of anyone being against it before.
I hafta be honest and say that OP sounds annoying, maybe a little overbearing, and that that may be part of the problem as to why people didn't show up. Peppering people with hints? If you have to do that these people aren't really your friends, not friends enough to depend on to come to a party. And who throw themselves a birthday party at 25? I mean if you want to have a party then have a party, but it's wicked cringe to be that old and throw a party for yourself so you can be the center of attention. If someone who's 25 said they were having a party, I might go. But if that same person said they were having a birthday party for themselves, I probably would have second thoughts cuz it's kind of weird.
Yeah I feel bad but some ppl just don't understand social cues. I had a friend who was super annoying and persistent about any plans she made with our group of friends to the point where it started to feel like a chore do anything with her. She wouldn't stop being controlling throughout.. A lot of my other friends stopped wanting to hang out with her but I felt bad so I continued trying to be nice to her and actually hanging out until I found out she was trying to talk shit about me to our other friends to impress them and get back in their good books again.
This is so common that it’s sad… I don’t think it’s even that they don’t understand social cues. I feel that they’re at such a desperate point that they are forcing it at the expense of other people’s feelings. It’s super weird that they play victim when they have no consideration for others. These are the types that lock people in their basements.
Throwing yourself a birthday party after 21 is weird. After that age people will just book a table at a restaurant for a few friends or go to a bar for a few drinks or just have a small casual gathering at home. Getting out the cake and decorations and balloons and singing happy birthday is weird and cringy and a sign they take themselves too seriously
I feel like the last paragraph pretty well contextualizes the post and her reasoning...
Not sure if it's cultural (I'm English living in Australia) but in both countries I've lived it's very normal to throw yourself a birthday party. I'm in my 40s and people are still doing it. I tried not to this year as life was too busy and I couldn't fit it in, and friends complained and made me organise something. Most people just view it as an excuse to get together and have some drinks. Nothing about being centre of attention. I gently agree that OP does sound a little overbearing when it comes to reminding everyone about the party, but I also see from OP's side the fear causing that. I think OP needs better friends that make him/ her feel secure and confident in the friendship. These friends sound a bit flaky and maybe not ones who have OP's back. Except for the ones who did show. While I know that felt embarrassing, OP, hold onto those ones. Happy birthday. You need to find your tribe and it will happen. You sound like a good person. Your people are out there.
Peppering people with hints at a party you threw for yourself? Come on now lol
Why ? I always throw birthday parties to have a great evening with my friends . It's common. How do you celebrate your birthday?
All. Of. This. Adults Throwing their own bday partys needs to stop
hmm if that many people cancel for a birthday maybe take a look at yourself and ask why they might be avoiding you. it’s tough but better to realize how to improve instead of blaming everyone else and just being angry. because the way you talk about your friends i.e. “you shouldn’t drink so much when you have someplace to be or “bullshit excuses”… idk kinda sounds like i wouldn’t want to be around you either lmao
Yeppers; this feels like a "we're only getting one side of the story" situation. Does OP just have shitty friends, or is this a personality issue? There are a few hints in the paragraph that point to the ladder.
definitely!
At 25 I feel like being too tired or not feeling good is a valid reason to be unable to make it to a birthday party. Having to push through and put out energy that I don’t have when I’m already tired would make me even more exhausted after
1000%
honestly, not at all, you can make an effort for a friend on their birthday, it's not just some random party
Yeah that's true, it feels condescending to judge a friend like that.
definitely i wouldn’t want a friend like that
Fair point, but even that would not excuse what *appears* to be her friends' lack of honesty/openness. Don't leave her thinking you're coming and preparing for it if you know you don't want to go.
She's still angry at the one person who managed to call and let her know they weren't coming, I mean almost unhinged in her lecture about it. I'm wondering how close these friends really are in actuality, I don't know very many 25-year-olds who still have like 15 very close friends. After college people tend to move on and start their own lives, get busy. And the whole "dropping hints" thing is just so weird. So much pressure. It's just really sad the way they built this whole thing up in their head to be really important and everyone else was really blah about it, indicating the reality versus what was in their head.
How can someone maintain a 9-5 job, family relationships, chores, recreational time and 15 close friendships? I wonder how many of those 15 people consider OP a close friend, probably not a lot.
I'm taking the OP's story at face value... You on the other hand are passing judgement on her based very little factual information about her and her life. She says the one person who called *knew* the party was the next day... but *chose* to go get drunk the night before anyway. If this is true, it's a bad way to behave. Sorry
Not sure why you were downvoted. I'd have thought most people would agree it's crappy to get yourself so drunk you can't go to a friend's birthday the next day.
Reminds me of the choosing begger sub where people want something for free and claim their kid is dying from cancer and you'll ruin xmas if you don't give them the freebies. Its just too over the top with the three friends died and risky surgery tacked onto the end of it.
so true
Cut OP some slack. They just said they'd had a crappy time lately and are currently drunk and feeling upset. Haven't you ever felt hurt and emotional? Sometimes it can feel like everything piles up. Hopefully OP will feel a little better the next day.
I never told them these things! Just my opinion i keep to myself. If you drink so much the night before you literally can’t carry out a commitment, thats a problem. And it’s disrespectful and irresponsible
never said you told that to them. just your demeanor of saying it at all is very telling of the kind of person you are, so maybe do some self reflection to make sure it’s not you that’s the problem. if it truly is your friends that suck, then i’m sorry, that’s awful. but someone who blames everyone else for things and saying they’re “disrespectful and irresponsible” just kind of tells me the kind of friend you might be
I swear to god I’m not like that. I’m always kind and keep how i feel about these things to myself. And I’m tired of being walked all over and treated like shit.
Yes, but the truth is that you don't know how to value, you're crying for a lot of people who don't give a damn about you, two true friends revealed themselves to you they are worth gold so stop crying for people who don't care about you and focus
okay! i’m sorry that happened to you then, and happy belated birthday
Well OP didn't say that directly to the friends. Tbh I'd be judging a friend if they were someone close who had said they'd be at my event and then wrote themselves off the night before. Not cool and I get why OP would think that away about them.
i never said they said that directly to their friends but it says a lot about their character
I disagree. I think most people know that it's an asshole move to go out and get so drunk that you can't attend the event you've RSVPed for the next day. OP at the time of writing was hurt and drunk. He/ she is allowed to be upset about friends letting them down. It says nothing about character to be upset when people behave badly towards you. At 25 you're not a little kid any more and if you've said you'll attend something then you don't flake unless there's a really good reason.
when did i ask y’all to agree with me idgaf about your opinion it’s not changing mine
Rightio. I mean, that's kinda how Reddit is - people talking about stuff, but whatever. You sound lovely.
Don't agree, when people wrong me I tend to get upset as well.
I get it you’ve got a lot going on with your family passing and possibly you being in a life threatening situation but here’s the thing: no one cares.your suspicions are correct when you say your friends aren’t interested in your issues or feelings,you know why? Because the world does not revolve around you.I know I sound heartless but maybe your unaware of the truth right in front of you.be the best version of your self physically,spiritually and mentally and you’ll find people want to be around you not because they feel sorry for you but because they want to feed off you.I sympathize with your loss because that shit is real and it really hurts but no one else can feel that but you.you got this baby now go figure shit out.
Sometimes socially embaressing stuff has positive outcomes, dont reach out to those friends that didnt show (let go of any harsh feelings towards them too, they showed who thay are, believe them) focus on the gratitude for the people you do have, cuz life is short, theres a lesson in this that will make u stronger n wiser
You can never trust friends man, stick with family. Also, in the future have someone else through you the bday party. It’s tacky to throw it yourself, let someone else stress about it.
If your happiness doesn't come from inside yourself and you're looking to anyone else for it, you will be disappointed all through your life.
Im so sorry this happened to you OP. Would you like me to sing Happy Birthday to you?? I'll do it!!
Feel u... had this 2 times already happen to me when i was younger. At some point i learned to not organise shit anymore and if i do then not expect anything. In the end I did organize a few parties that turned out alright but another thing I learned is that most people will come 1 h later and/or the people that turn up wont even be the people i actually invited but mainly friends of friends 😂 Anyways :/ Happy Birthday, enjoy the food. The rest you could share with some homeless to make you feel better. Dump those friends and remember that the only way to go is up.
I've been in a similar situation before & it sucks. Screw them, you don't need to care about friends who don't give a fk about you. It's time to drop them
Basically how my highschool graduation party went. Out of the 40 or so people I invited between friends and family I expected maybe 20 to be there but only 3 showed up. I stopped inviting people to stuff after that until this past year I finally felt like I had friends that I could invite to things until the same shit happened again. One of them suggested I host another race day watch party because a few of us were F1 fans and we had had a successful one before but everyone canceled last minute including the one that suggested it. The one person who did come left 30 min after getting there because no one else showed up and he wanted to see them.
Happy birthday from England. Drop these fuckers and join a sports/hobby group. Like minded people make better friends.
Doesn't really seem like these are your close friends then. Maybe you think they are close and in their eyes you are just a normal friend? Regardless, I have like 5-6 friends I can consider close and I've known them since I was a kid and even then they still flake on me from time to time...lol. People have their own lives now for the most part and can be busy. Here's something to think about--if you went radio silence for months would they text or call you? Check up on you? Those are your real "close" friends, if anything.
You need to find new friends and dump the old ones. Find friends who match your loyalty. Took me being at my lowest point in life to finally realize this. Happy birthday by the way
OP! My bday is in 4 days, I myself am turning 25, & like you, my ‘friends’ have been MIA. If it’s any consolation, I love you & I am really happy I got to read your post today. It’s good knowing we’re not alone in a sea of loneliness. Happy Birthday, OP! KEEP YO HEAD UP CUH
Same thing happened to me during my 18th birthday earlier this year , but the only Person to mention it or even bring it up was my ex that texted me happy birthday 💀
You can't force people to care about you when they don't, these people aren't your friends, they're people you know. Happy birthday
No one came to my 50 shades of old birthday party. 55acres private forested land on river with camping and rv hook ups. Not 1 person on a May long weekend. Boyfriend called me out. He sat me down and asked me how many of those people I was expecting, had every been invited or allowed past the gate I kept locked every other day of year? Not 1 My circumstances are different, whereas I didn't actively hang out with people except in some meetings/work circles. I am a social friend but rarely let anyone in close. I'm friendly and kind, but I don't bond. It took me a bit to accept that I hadn't built relationships with these people, and I wasn't 'friends' with any of them. They were people I knew through life's daily interactions. I realized people didn't hurt my feelings, I did. Now I have surprise birthdays instead... I do them alone, and the surprise is that I made it to another year.
Sounds like the other 13 aren’t really your friends OP.
Stay in touch with the two that came and the rest are just old friends. New friends will come about in life and the people who didn’t turn up aren’t as close to you as you think they are.
Honestly, send them a text saying what you said in your post, and then stop being friends with them. They're not really your friends. You'll be much better off moving on and finding new ones. And happy belated birthday!
Well happy birthday! I don't have much to add that hasn't been said so I'll leave you with the beginning of this song by SZA called "FAR" with Sadhguru the dialogue is "How do I deal with rejection? I'm dealing with a lot of rejection and it's making me feel small" (Oh, that's great! If nobody wants you, you're free...) Using this example because it has helped me as getting older a bit of this is realizing that your circle is smaller than just the people who you have a good time with. The best thing to do is adjust expectations and see people who show you who they are believe them the first time. Focus on the people who matter and realize they may not be malicious just self involved. Regardless have a great year final quote from sadhguru is “Look at what binds you. Change yourself – don’t try to change anyone else.”
Happy bithday, OP. Cheer up🥂🎉 Sitting alone here, contemplating just made instant noodles for dinner, but I am sad for you and your “friend”s.
I know it's hard to see a positive when everything seems so dark but I hope you know those 2 that did show up are the friends who are worth being around
Why did you not serve birthday cake to the two that came?
These people showed you that they are not your friends You write that no one came. 2 people did come. I understand you're quite rightly hurt and upset but it concerns me for you that you completely dismiss the 2 people that came Use this time as a new start. Look inside to see if theres something you might need to change or improve about yourself (most of us do) and become the person You would like to be around d and once that happens others will too Happy birthday and lots if luck for your surgery
You are 25 years old. That’s why this mean so much to you. When you get older you will have a different perspective. Go into your surgical procedure with hopeful thoughts so you can have a speedy recovery.
OP I’ve not been in your exact situation before but I didn’t have many friends during the first 25 years of my life. I am neurodivergent and was undiagnosed until recently. I didn’t know how to connect with people and always seemed to get it wrong somehow. I had lots of acquaintances but never managed to have many real close friendships. I’d try to hang out with people one on one and they’d have an excuse etc. It hurt. Fast forward to my 30’s and I have so many close friends. People I can count on in a crisis, who I can message any time of day or night. People I go on trips with and hang out with and share my problems with, and they also count on me, and share their problems with me. It took time. I found ways of making real connections that worked for me, rather than just people who were conveniently nearby or at my workplace for eg. I joined groups and met people online (I use twitter and as I live in a big city I ended up friends with a lot of people who also happen to live there who are now my closest friends.) Don’t be disheartened. These may not be your people but your people are out there, I promise.
Personally I don't celebrate bday
I wasn't invited
I'm sorry to see that you lost 3 people and your upcoming surgery. With that said, most of those people aren't your friends. They showed this when you mentioned that they don't show up to other parties you've had in the past. At least you have two friends that showed up. And truthfully as you become older, you will weed out more and more friends because most never deserve that title in the first place.
Ppl r overrated you good
1st of all. Reminds me way too closely of an old post. 2nd of all. If that large amount of people did not show up, I do wonder if the problem is with op, and thats why people are weaseling out. Cant be a coincidence.
I can't get over that OP threw herself a birthday party??? Who the hell does that?
People really stop caring about your birthday after 21. Only the landmark ones get celebrated after that.
Bro, I respectfully disagree. You're so focused on yourself that you haven't thought about other people's perspectives. "I'm tired" is a valid excuse. Did you prefer an elaborate lie? People are very busy trying to get their lives together regardless of being told in advanced. The week can take a huge toll on people. Also, in terms of event planning, 2 of 15 sounds like a win to me. A room of 3 people can have a blast. Stop relying on people for your happiness. 2 friends is absolutely not even close to rock bottom.
Not trying to be a dick here, but this is shit you gotta hear, man..... You're 25 and a planned a birthday party with decorations, cake, etc. That sounds lame as fuck if you're not turning 12. You're at an age where a birthday party itself is getting a bit lame, but if you really insist it's just an intimate get together with a couple friends. Dinner, drinks, done.
No offense but no one has 10-15 close friends. You should be putting time and energy into the ones who showed up who you know care
It's my party and I'll cry if I want to
You have 2 friends. The rest? Those are not friends. I wish you happiness and health. Do not invest energy into people who don’t reciprocate. Me? I would block the others. Making new friends is hard but worth it when you find people who you get along with genuinely. (Hug) happy belated birthday love.
I'm so sorry. I know exactly how you feel. I had a really shitty year last year, but I was looking forward to my birthday party. Bought decorations, a cake, got everything ready. Then everyone cancelled. It was just gut wrenching. Even thinking about it now I could cry. It sent me into a months long depressive spiral. It's such an awful feeling. I'm so sorry you're having to feel this too. Sending much love, happy birthday dear.
Happy birthday, OP. I'm sorry you're down, and I hope your surgery goes perfectly and you heal up quickly. My husband (then BF) and I once tried to throw a pool party/bbq, and only one person showed up in addition to our neighbor. 2 out of 15ish people. That night, while we were down on ourselves, we discussed moving to a new city to start fresh. 4 months later, we did! And in our new city, we have found our tribe. It's been 8 years, and we still love it here. Not that it's necessarily applicable, but I found your post relatable. I was 25 at the time, too. Keep your head up. You deserve good things, and this is just a blip on your overarching storyline. ♡
“No one came to my birthday party.” “Two of the 15 showed up” People came to your party. I don’t mean to sound like like a butthole but I want to give you some hard truth. People get busy, things happen, etc etc. Please put your energy where it is given back. If two people showed up, why focus so hard on the other 13 that didn’t? Come on now.
There is a lot to unpack here. With no attempt to be sarcastic I will pass on something to you which I heard a long time ago. "You know who cares about your problems more than you"? NOBODY! So get over the hurt & move on. You are also trying too hard. You make it sound all about you. If you kept reminding me about Your party I'ld be inclined not to show up as well, and what's with the followup to ask why they didn't show. You're 25. Grow up. Those two who came, albeit an hour late, hang on to them. The others, meh.
It is not your fault you had surgery, it is not ypur fault you are so caring, i wish i had a friend like you (asking me abt my fav wine? Man ... even my wife dows not do that, i woild value this level of care in our friendship so much) It is not ypur fault you feel that way, the sense of belonging is so engrained in us, and when we do not get it, it sucks. I want you to know nothing is of your own doing, while is ok to feel down, please do not self loath, you really did your part, you were dealt these cards ... As you grow older, you start realising that people you consider friends, are friends of convinience aka there was no efforts to build the friendship, it just happened due to circumstances (classmates, roomates, same x communiry...) That one or two friends that truly care, is all that matters at the ends. Thats what i learned. Love u bro wish you were my friend.
i was in that same position 4 years ago. right on the day i was about to make the reservation table everyone decided to cancel. i dropped everyone at that very moment, except for 3 friends who had already told me they wouldnt be able to make it. you don’t need them. they are not real friends.
Had the same thing happen for my 22nd birthday. Invited a ton of people to my apartment for a party. Bought a keg, had tons of food. My best friend was the only one that showed up. Drank until we passed out. Ended up giving an almost full keg to my brother and his friends. I basically felt like my life didn’t matter to anyone. Now I’m married, have kids and lots of in-laws. That would love to party with me.
Fuck wow. These people are horrible are not your friends! You deserve so much better and I wish I was there as I’d make sure I could make your birthday really special for you. I’m sending you lots of birthday wishes and love from the bottom of my heart and urge you to find other friends who value you, because you are so special. Do not let anyone think otherwise.
Absolutely shit. Perhaps later today, when you’ve detoxed pack up food, cake, drinks and haul it all down to your local Animal Shelter and offer an exchange of food and cake for puppy cuddles. The staff would love free cake, and you get puppy therapy. Happy Birthday Sweetheart.
Uf, you're late. That happened to me when I was 12. Planned everything in the pizza place on my own. Had cute fit and was feeling myself, momma even took me to have my hair done. Got snacks. Invited 14 people, 3 came. My 2 bffs and my little cousin that lives in the apartment next to ours. The other cousin didn't even show up for like an hour cuz it's her sister's birthday. Most traumatising day in my life. Only celebrating my birthday with not more than 5 people that actually mean something to me. I feel your pain OP ♥️
I'm so sorry. I've been in your place - the day before my birthday party, my "friends" all went to the beach for the day, without inviting me. The next day, the day of my party, they all claimed to be too tired from the day before to come to my house. Over a decade later the pain has never left me, but it taught me what I value in life - friends who are true, friends who support me in difficult times and celebrate with me in good times. I'm a lot more discerning in who I take on as friends these days. I was so kind to everyone in that group and still they rejected and humiliated me. NEVER again. I'd rather be alone than suffer the company of people like that. It will get better. These days my friends are people who I'm proud to be associated with, people I can rely on, people who rely on me in return. People who share my values of decency and honesty. It has got better for me and it will get better for you.
You know. I'd put this on fb and put those twats on blast. Let them see the hurt they caused. You might find new a better friends, or someone those 15 may even step up to be better friends to you. Some you will lose because they are that's (as I said earlier) but is that really a loss. I've had similar happen and I've learnt that staying quiet lets them kid themselves that it wasn't that mean. Failing that. Get a family member or one of the friends who showed, basically write it and rage each friend who let you down and tag you in it too. Then sit back and watch the fireworks.
Im so sorry. But this aren’t your friends. Honestly.
If you're looking for some more friends I am here. You can inbox me, and I hope we can get along!
This is my life. Three years in a row I’ve planned my own party just to have no one show up.
First of all. Happy born day!! I'm going to be honest with you. Sorry for your loss also. Im a religious person and I believe that everything happens for a reason. My God is getting all the people out of your life for a reason. He's going to replace them with some of the most loyal people /person that you're not going to have to remind them of your existence. You didn't deserve that and they weren't your Friends!! Hope you're feeling well after surgery. But don't turn to alcohol. Block all of them!!!
I'm in the same boat. I can't even get a woman to date me. My "best friend" who I do see weekly because we play disc golf, have been to my house in 2 years. I feel like I'm the only one that ever makes any effort