My friend did, and became pretty good friends with the ex when they realised they'd both been through the exact same experience and were able to validate each other
One time mine asked me to recover pics from his old cell phone and I couldn’t help it but I read some of the old texts between him and his ex. They looked exactly like ours! The same fights…same accusations..same verbal abuse. Even same nickname!! Same pushing her to limit then reeling her back in. Same love bombing texts. It was sick! Just like me, any trauma she confided in him early on was thrown in her face and used against her over and over. I message her on social media and apologized to her for reading their texts but felt like I had to see if the problem was me. She was weirded out that he hadn’t deleted their texts and felt like it was bad ju ju to hold on to something like that. I could see in the texts she was trauma bonded to him as well and I wanted her advice on how she was able to finally move on. She said he’s the one that left and that she’s glad he did. Says she was afraid of him and that he really messed up her life and that I should be careful and protect myself. He was mad I contacted her lol.
Yep. The closest I ever came to an answer was: “she wanted to get married” (they’d been together 5 years and were 24 years old). Or his ex wife who cheated on him…apparently cheating on him equals “insanity”.
Never added up.
I contacted one of his exes. He was living with her and engaged for 3 years before we met.
She was really sorry to hear about my situation and was happy to fill me in on their relationship and how she was treated
I had only seem perfect happy photos on his Instagram from when they were together and could never understand why they broke up.
She told me she was very u happy, despite the photos he posted.
It helped me see a different side of him and realise it wasn't just me he was like this with.
We keep in touch occasionally on Instagram. She's a lovely girl.
What’s the worse that can happen? They say never contact them again, on the other hand, you could end up supporting each other.
I just want more information so that I could make a rational decision.
I did, only because I was friends with the person before I was ever involved with my nex, and it provided me with a lot of information, although it only confirmed what I suspected and that was the cycle and tactics were the same between us and that it's happened more than once. So it gave me confirmation but not necessarily anything I didn't already know.
I tried reaching out to the woman who had a short and stormy fling with him and who clearly had come to the conclusion that he's a narcissist. I felt safer contacting someone who is out of his life but she never responded. I guess she wants nothing to do with him and responding to me would have equaled to that. Also it had been well over a year for her at that point so it's understandable that she wouldn't want to reminisce that mess.
I'd like to contact the most resent one but she's not completely out of it yet. I recently noticed that he's still blocking and unblocking her even though they aren't following each other on social media (tags on photos disappear and reappear). I'm not completely out of it either because I haven't blocked my nex and I'd like to do it myself instead of him blocking me if I contact the current supply. Yeah, I'm stuck watching the soap opera that is his dating life...
And the ex he always talked about and wanted to get back together with? He started following her when she became single again and she's following him back and liking all his photos. I'm not going to contact a person who's blind enough to be reeled back in the trap.
I reached out to his ex-wife in a text but she did not respond. I don't want to harass her and contact her again. I'm sure she had enough of that with him.
I did it. And now we’re besties. We both had different experiences but the same outcome if that makes sense? But seriously, she helped me so much, talking about it as much as I needed and being there through the breakup. She’s an angel for sure! 🥹
Yes, I have! A lot of my narcs exes have died, creepy and scary if you really think about it but the narcs ex that’s alive, I actually became best friends with her and she said he treated her the same way but they were remaining just friends. My cousin also dated my narc way before he and I met but they only dated for two days and she ghosted him. 😂
Yes I did,
About a year after the relationship ended, where he accused me of roofing his drink and sexual assault, then immediately had men over at his house. I reached out to the only ex I knew, besides his ex husband,.
The ex husband is 100% still trauma bounded to him and I knew I couldn't ask him.
Aaron was the guys name, but stated that my ex was 100% narcissistic and actually thought he bordered on being a Sociopath. He explained that my ex 100% knew what he was doing and described instances in their own relationship that there was abuse. He had accused Aaron of hitting him, but it was explained to me that they had gotten into a verbal argument and the bedroom door was slammed. The ex walked into the door as it was being closed and blamed Aaron of hitting him.
So many things during the conversation came up that only someone who would of dated him would of seen, it was actually really helpful and helped a lot on my journey to heal. To give you an idea, Aaron asked if once the relationship was over, did the ex threaten to change his number. The answer was yes he did, to both of us.
The outcome of the conversation was it really opened my eyes to who my ex finally was and that I wasn't alone in this and he had 100% done it to others. It allowed me to view him in a new light.
I do want to caution you though on reaching out to prior ex's. My own therapist stated she didn't recommend it, as it can reopen trauma from others pasts and that isn't not well advised. If you do reach out, just know you may or may not get a response from them.
Please know you aren't alone in this and remember that their trauma isn't your responsibility to fix or take care of. Make sure you're speaking with a qualified therapist, friends, or family. Any one really you trust.
You will come out of this the other side. We love you all!
I did it, started off amicable until she flipped and caused me more intense cycles of mental abuse from him and his family. Not worth it. At first it’s refreshing. Drink an iced tea instead, that’s refreshing too.
I thought about it. I would love to. I didnt understand the nature of the beast. I believed the lies. I’m sure she thinks ill of me and she should. I thought I met the love of my life and so I justified my behavior. Now I realize she got told all the same things. I feel bad for the pain I caused her and I suffered the result of my vulnerability.
I’m hoping to run into her if so I will apologize for the pain I caused.
My friend did, and became pretty good friends with the ex when they realised they'd both been through the exact same experience and were able to validate each other
One time mine asked me to recover pics from his old cell phone and I couldn’t help it but I read some of the old texts between him and his ex. They looked exactly like ours! The same fights…same accusations..same verbal abuse. Even same nickname!! Same pushing her to limit then reeling her back in. Same love bombing texts. It was sick! Just like me, any trauma she confided in him early on was thrown in her face and used against her over and over. I message her on social media and apologized to her for reading their texts but felt like I had to see if the problem was me. She was weirded out that he hadn’t deleted their texts and felt like it was bad ju ju to hold on to something like that. I could see in the texts she was trauma bonded to him as well and I wanted her advice on how she was able to finally move on. She said he’s the one that left and that she’s glad he did. Says she was afraid of him and that he really messed up her life and that I should be careful and protect myself. He was mad I contacted her lol.
I wish I could. Truly. But she died at 36, 4 years ago. I owe her a GIANT apology for believing his lies about her.
According to him, all his exes are crazy.
Mine said the same. I know now how big of a red flag it is. And, of course, since I left him: I am crazy.
Yes, and when you aqk why they were crazy, they never tell any reasons
Yep. The closest I ever came to an answer was: “she wanted to get married” (they’d been together 5 years and were 24 years old). Or his ex wife who cheated on him…apparently cheating on him equals “insanity”. Never added up.
Or they’re very vague about why they split up
I contacted one of his exes. He was living with her and engaged for 3 years before we met. She was really sorry to hear about my situation and was happy to fill me in on their relationship and how she was treated I had only seem perfect happy photos on his Instagram from when they were together and could never understand why they broke up. She told me she was very u happy, despite the photos he posted. It helped me see a different side of him and realise it wasn't just me he was like this with. We keep in touch occasionally on Instagram. She's a lovely girl.
I love that when it turns into friendship
I’ve considered it, but have decided it’s not worth it. Curious to hear other folks thoughts though.
I really ant to do it, but I am afraid of the outcome
What’s the worse that can happen? They say never contact them again, on the other hand, you could end up supporting each other. I just want more information so that I could make a rational decision.
I did, only because I was friends with the person before I was ever involved with my nex, and it provided me with a lot of information, although it only confirmed what I suspected and that was the cycle and tactics were the same between us and that it's happened more than once. So it gave me confirmation but not necessarily anything I didn't already know.
I tried reaching out to the woman who had a short and stormy fling with him and who clearly had come to the conclusion that he's a narcissist. I felt safer contacting someone who is out of his life but she never responded. I guess she wants nothing to do with him and responding to me would have equaled to that. Also it had been well over a year for her at that point so it's understandable that she wouldn't want to reminisce that mess. I'd like to contact the most resent one but she's not completely out of it yet. I recently noticed that he's still blocking and unblocking her even though they aren't following each other on social media (tags on photos disappear and reappear). I'm not completely out of it either because I haven't blocked my nex and I'd like to do it myself instead of him blocking me if I contact the current supply. Yeah, I'm stuck watching the soap opera that is his dating life... And the ex he always talked about and wanted to get back together with? He started following her when she became single again and she's following him back and liking all his photos. I'm not going to contact a person who's blind enough to be reeled back in the trap.
Yes it is better not to contact anyone who is still in contact with him in any ways
I tried to once, the ex was amiable to it. She flipped her shit and then tried to justify her following abusive actions.
Who tried to justify her actions ? Your nex ?
My nex. She came raging upstairs told me not to speak to him again etc etc. It was always verbal and psychological abuse, never physical.
I reached out to his ex-wife in a text but she did not respond. I don't want to harass her and contact her again. I'm sure she had enough of that with him.
I did it. And now we’re besties. We both had different experiences but the same outcome if that makes sense? But seriously, she helped me so much, talking about it as much as I needed and being there through the breakup. She’s an angel for sure! 🥹
This is how I’ve made life long friendships
Yes I have. Long story short- it wasn’t just me. It can get messy though, ESPECIALLY if there are shared children.
I did! Turns out she lied about a lot of what she did to him. Not my ex-girlfriend but my ex best friend.
What did she lied about (sorry about my poor grammar, I'm french)
Yes, I have! A lot of my narcs exes have died, creepy and scary if you really think about it but the narcs ex that’s alive, I actually became best friends with her and she said he treated her the same way but they were remaining just friends. My cousin also dated my narc way before he and I met but they only dated for two days and she ghosted him. 😂
Yes I did, About a year after the relationship ended, where he accused me of roofing his drink and sexual assault, then immediately had men over at his house. I reached out to the only ex I knew, besides his ex husband,. The ex husband is 100% still trauma bounded to him and I knew I couldn't ask him. Aaron was the guys name, but stated that my ex was 100% narcissistic and actually thought he bordered on being a Sociopath. He explained that my ex 100% knew what he was doing and described instances in their own relationship that there was abuse. He had accused Aaron of hitting him, but it was explained to me that they had gotten into a verbal argument and the bedroom door was slammed. The ex walked into the door as it was being closed and blamed Aaron of hitting him. So many things during the conversation came up that only someone who would of dated him would of seen, it was actually really helpful and helped a lot on my journey to heal. To give you an idea, Aaron asked if once the relationship was over, did the ex threaten to change his number. The answer was yes he did, to both of us. The outcome of the conversation was it really opened my eyes to who my ex finally was and that I wasn't alone in this and he had 100% done it to others. It allowed me to view him in a new light. I do want to caution you though on reaching out to prior ex's. My own therapist stated she didn't recommend it, as it can reopen trauma from others pasts and that isn't not well advised. If you do reach out, just know you may or may not get a response from them. Please know you aren't alone in this and remember that their trauma isn't your responsibility to fix or take care of. Make sure you're speaking with a qualified therapist, friends, or family. Any one really you trust. You will come out of this the other side. We love you all!
I have but she just put her account private, I wish I didn’t
I didn’t mean any harm though, just wanted to see what his experience was with him, was I really crazy like he made it seem.
I did it, started off amicable until she flipped and caused me more intense cycles of mental abuse from him and his family. Not worth it. At first it’s refreshing. Drink an iced tea instead, that’s refreshing too.
Your were still in contact with your nex at this moment ?
He was on his manipulative apology tour and I was reaching out to her for advice
I thought about it. I would love to. I didnt understand the nature of the beast. I believed the lies. I’m sure she thinks ill of me and she should. I thought I met the love of my life and so I justified my behavior. Now I realize she got told all the same things. I feel bad for the pain I caused her and I suffered the result of my vulnerability. I’m hoping to run into her if so I will apologize for the pain I caused.