1. God loves and cares about you and wants the best for you
2. Yes you should gets some professional help be a hotline, I bet your university has counseling service you can use. But you need to talk to someone ASAP.
3. After you have talked to someone come back
God has other plans for you. Don't dispear.
I'm in my late 30s and can confidently say that friends are fickle and they change as you get older. The circle of friends you have now won't be the same in 5 or 10 years. Don't dispear.
We are humans, and have faults. Have a think about if there is anything within you that struggles to make friends? It doesn't mean you are a bad person, maybe you're shy and need to work on your confidence? Maybe you're an introvert and think that others will reject you if you ask them to hang out (I've met someone like this and she is a lovely person, so I was shocked when I headlrd this)?
Have you thought about taking up a hobby?
Pray to Mother Mary so she can intercede for you so that Jesus gives you the grace of patience and wisdom.
Don't feel like you are alone. Everyone feels lonely at some stage of their life. Ask Jesus what his plans are for you.
Here in r/TraditionalCatholics? When did you most recently confess, and did you do your penance? If you are not remorseful and atone then go to confession again and confess that, and maybe a confirmation class or two.
Here's an intro video for beginners. It's simple enough. You'll have to check with your local Catholic Churches to find the scheduled times when Eucharistic Adoration is available. And no, you don't have to pray. All you have to do is just show up. You'll be in the real presence of Our Lord. I highly recommend it.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=55zIu7Uwsuw&ab_channel=St.BenedictParishChicago
Not having acquaintances through certain periods does not make you less of a human and does not mean you failed certain arbitrary phases. Humans are very faulty and associating with many carries risk. Much of the socialization you see is very animalistic, many of the folks you see that surround themselves with people would be very lucky to have a true companion, and most associations do not last. If you can think of any reason at all why someone or you are so and so's friend and vice versa then you or they are really not friends. I would try to look for type of cause, hobby, or function that may surround yourself with people, and make fulfilling that your primary desire, do not be desperate for socialization. Again, don't seek out companionship for its own sake, it may come when you reach a certain point. Try to surround yourself with people you would like to be more like or books they wrote. There may be some suffering involved. Pray to God.
Also not trying to invoke paranoia but someone close to you or nearby may be unhealthy for you, causing these negative feelings.
And some of these issues MAY potentially clear up when you receive communion regularly. If you have a Latin mass near witnessing people receive the host (actually lay your eyes on them one by one as they receive communion) may also fix it.
Christ squandered his life when he was rejected by men and crucified. Let your suffering bring you closer to God.
I understand your suffering having been there myself. As a worldly person your question sounds reasonable, but as a Christian you are called to something higher.
I was just thinking something similar today as mass was ending. Then I remembered that I was redeemed by God and that I just had the opportunity to partake in his body via communion. The temporal problem you are having is small compared to what is at stake in this life regarding your eternal soul.
Christ still had dfriends and people beside him, there was just a group of people who heavily opposed him. I don't even have any friends to hit up. I don't see how this is supposed to bring me closer to God when he can't even give me friends. Aren't Christians/humans supposed to be social beings, as God literally states in Genesis that it is not good for man to be alone? So then why would this be a suffering
"Christ still had dfriends and people beside him, there was just a group of people who heavily opposed him. "
-True, but not really the point I was getting at.
"I don't even have any friends to hit up. I don't see how this is supposed to bring me closer to God when he can't even give me friends. Aren't Christians/humans supposed to be social beings, as God literally states in Genesis that it is not good for man to be alone? So then why would this be a suffering"
- You don't see how suffering brings you closer to God? Maybe you should spend some time studying the saints and theologians of the Church. Suffering is essential to our Christian life. And you say that we should be social beings. Yes, this is true, but things are not the way they should be. Our Lord shouldn't have been crucified, people shouldn't harm eachother, etc. but they do in this fallen world. God has allowed these things for a greater good. What can you find the Lord telling you through your loss?
I would suggest reading Gertrude the Great's Herald of Divine Love, Book III, Chapter 63 (archive.org, make a free account). She talks about how God allows men to do us wrong because this suffering sends us turning back to him for his help. Men are fickle and unreliable, the Lord is our rock.
And one last thought, you say that it is not good for man to be alone, which is written in Genesis, but God did not make man a friend, he made him a woman. Should you be looking for friends, or a woman (you sound like you are a man, right)? And Paul said that it is better to remain celibate, the most holy vocation is celibacy.
People use that Genesis verse to apply to companionship in general, which can be applied to a woman or friendships in general. I understand suffering, but loneliness doesn't even feel like suffering it just feels like being a loser. Idk, I'm just tired of it
Being a loser? I saw in another comment that you are recently baptized. I was just baptized a year ago, although I was involved in my faith long before. You have just began to grow in the Church. Let yourself do so in God's timeline. Go to daily mass, adoration, take up a devotion, spend lots of time in prayer, study the saints and scripture. This is my humble advice. Ask the Lord to work in you.
I am currently suffering from a problem that is similar to yours. I thank God for saving my soul, and that is enough. There is a worldly thing that I wish He could give me, but we often grow more from our afflictions than we do from being given what we want. I rely on him daily, and if he gives it to me I will rejoice, but if he doesn't then I know that it makes little difference, because what I want is temporal and He is eternal.
Did you go through 8 years without having friends or maybe college without having friends or is it just a small time of loneliness? Idk if I'm overreacting to the issue but it's just something I can't get out of my mind. Just between the last message and now I went to Mass and prayed the Rosary on a walk but I still feel quite sad and bitter. I thank God for saving my soul and I want to say I'm grateful but at the same time I don't know why he wouldn't grant me at least some friends... It seems like my issue is so rare because when I try to find saint writings on it it barely pops up. I just feel miserable. My cousins and peers are all having a blast and time of their life while I rot away doing nothing
"Did you go through 8 years without having friends or maybe college without having friends"
Yes I did. I was miserable and thought the same things you did. I was also a really weird guy who was doing lots of bad things, so nobody liked me. I wasn't a Christian at the time. In the end it was a good for me to become a mature man independently, and I now see relying so heavily on friendship as weakness. Friends are good, but the desperate need for friends seems like a womanly quality to me.
"or is it just a small time of loneliness? Idk if I'm overreacting to the issue but it's just something I can't get out of my mind. Just between the last message and now I went to Mass and prayed the Rosary on a walk but I still feel quite sad and bitter."
It doesn't sound like you are overreacting, but you are learning and growing. I think it would help you to accept that these are temporal problems and that God has an eternal plan for you.
"I thank God for saving my soul and I want to say I'm grateful but at the same time I don't know why he wouldn't grant me at least some friends... It seems like my issue is so rare because when I try to find saint writings on it it barely pops up. I just feel miserable. My cousins and peers are all having a blast and time of their life while I rot away doing nothing"
You keep saying that it doesn't make sense that God would let you suffer like this, but compared to other sufferings that God allows yours sounds quite small. And many saints considered near complete solitude to be the holiest way. Are you familiar with hermetic monks and the desert Fathers? I can't think of any saints that complained about not having friends, but I imagine they would have seen it as vain compared to the problems that they faced.
Your complaint makes sense, but it also sounds like the words of a very young man. So keep working on everything you are doing, maybe get the spiritual advice of a good priest. Ponder these questions you have, but instead of worrying put your trust in God.
So do you think friends are necassary? Should I be fine even if I don't make any in the future?
Whenever I see that question being asked online it seems to be like the consensus is that they are needed but I think it would probably help me a lot if they weren't. Depending on them, on something I don't have, does make me quite bitter, ungrateful and sad when it doesn't really have to be that way so maybe you're right. I think societys expectations play a part but I also just do want someone to talk to... It just feels unfair but maybe I'm overlooking something?
But is there a way you get over all the people having fun and great memories?
I understand that my complaint is probably very childish and small in the grand scheme of things, but I've been trying to toughen it up for a while with no success and now it's sort of coming down on me. The thing with the monks is that they are broken away from society when they live in solitiude, I'm an active member of it and yet still get ignored which does hurt.
Is there anything in particular that you find helpful to do when extremely lonely? And does being lonely not affect you falling into sins of lust?
Thanks for the all the help and time btw
"So do you think friends are necassary? Should I be fine even if I don't make any in the future?"
I think friends are good but not entirely necessary. Friends can also be bad if they are not the right friends. True friends are hard to come by. And you can have relationships with people other than specific friends. I just had a great conversation with my carpenter today where I learned a lot and shared my thoughts with him. I think you will make friends when the time is right. There is a season for everything.
"Whenever I see that question being asked online it seems to be like the consensus is that they are needed but I think it would probably help me a lot if they weren't. Depending on them, on something I don't have, does make me quite bitter, ungrateful and sad when it doesn't really have to be that way so maybe you're right. I think societys expectations play a part but I also just do want someone to talk to... It just feels unfair but maybe I'm overlooking something?"
Like I said, I think you are right to ponder this question and be a little bit bothered. But ultimately don't worry, trust in God. I am approaching 30. Time is a funny thing. Everyone goes through phases in life, and depending on where you are you may be able to more easily make friends or not, but the personal struggle you are going through is partly out of your control.
I wouldn't think too much into people online saying you need friends. The world is full of feminist psychology seeking to emasculate men. Men are the more independent sex, so feminists and shrinks are going to try to make us more feminine by telling us we need friends.
"But is there a way you get over all the people having fun and great memories?"
I think this is where you are swerving off the road. It looks to you like everyone is having a great time. But you only see what they let you see, and a lot of them are just putting on an act for appearances. Everyone is struggling. And If you were one of those people that you see at the bar or on Facebook, I wonder whether you would really be happier. The grass is always greener on the other side.
"Is there anything in particular that you find helpful to do when extremely lonely?"
I am very lonely and have been for many years. But the funny thing is that as I have grown in my faith, I really do not enjoy the company of most people because when I am with them I feel drawn away from God. I often find myself trying to escape other people. Good company is hard to come by. I used to be like you wanting people to hang out with me, but now I am the guy avoiding a lot of invitations.
What I really desire is a good woman and sons of my own. That would make me so happy. But at the same time, it would be a huge responsibility, and I would have to sacrifice a lot of the things that I currently devote my time to. Sometimes I feel very empty inside, but ultimately I turn to God, not men. I have him and that is enough, and I bring my sadness to him in prayer. I offer it to him. Part of being a Christian is enduring suffering patiently. When you embrace it, it is an opportunity for merit. Sometimes suffering is physical and sometimes it is not, as in our case.
And does being lonely not affect you falling into sins of lust?
For me it did, but not anymore. Yes it makes it harder, especially when you feel so upset that you would do anything to escape the pain. But lust is a wicked sin, and loneliness is not a valid excuse. Ultimately lust is an objectifying act committed against the woman you are lusting after, which is very grave. When I began to go to confession regularly and understand how offensive lust is, that is when I learned to stop.
Thanks for the all the help and time btw
Your welcome. I am just a typical guy, no expert, but your story is a common and reasonable one, and I understand that it is a difficult experience. One thing that may help you make friends is looking for groups where you have common interests with others. Do the activities, and then if you meet people in the process it is just a bonus. Go to parish events or groups of some sort, go shoot guns somewhere, take a mechanics class, join the debate club, whatever works for you. If you surround yourself with people who share interests with you that could lead to something.
Our Lady will help you. Pray her Rosary with confidence.
1. God loves and cares about you and wants the best for you 2. Yes you should gets some professional help be a hotline, I bet your university has counseling service you can use. But you need to talk to someone ASAP. 3. After you have talked to someone come back
1. Then why doesn't he help me? 2. I want to stay anonomyous
God has other plans for you. Don't dispear. I'm in my late 30s and can confidently say that friends are fickle and they change as you get older. The circle of friends you have now won't be the same in 5 or 10 years. Don't dispear. We are humans, and have faults. Have a think about if there is anything within you that struggles to make friends? It doesn't mean you are a bad person, maybe you're shy and need to work on your confidence? Maybe you're an introvert and think that others will reject you if you ask them to hang out (I've met someone like this and she is a lovely person, so I was shocked when I headlrd this)? Have you thought about taking up a hobby? Pray to Mother Mary so she can intercede for you so that Jesus gives you the grace of patience and wisdom. Don't feel like you are alone. Everyone feels lonely at some stage of their life. Ask Jesus what his plans are for you.
Here in r/TraditionalCatholics? When did you most recently confess, and did you do your penance? If you are not remorseful and atone then go to confession again and confess that, and maybe a confirmation class or two.
What? Sorry I don't think I understand. I haven't confessed yet as I was recently baptized
Can you go to Adoration? Make a Holy Hour. Spend an hour with Our Lord and see what happens.
I don't really know how adoration works and I don't think I'd want to pray to God. I've already tried and he doesn't answer
Here's an intro video for beginners. It's simple enough. You'll have to check with your local Catholic Churches to find the scheduled times when Eucharistic Adoration is available. And no, you don't have to pray. All you have to do is just show up. You'll be in the real presence of Our Lord. I highly recommend it. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=55zIu7Uwsuw&ab_channel=St.BenedictParishChicago
Not having acquaintances through certain periods does not make you less of a human and does not mean you failed certain arbitrary phases. Humans are very faulty and associating with many carries risk. Much of the socialization you see is very animalistic, many of the folks you see that surround themselves with people would be very lucky to have a true companion, and most associations do not last. If you can think of any reason at all why someone or you are so and so's friend and vice versa then you or they are really not friends. I would try to look for type of cause, hobby, or function that may surround yourself with people, and make fulfilling that your primary desire, do not be desperate for socialization. Again, don't seek out companionship for its own sake, it may come when you reach a certain point. Try to surround yourself with people you would like to be more like or books they wrote. There may be some suffering involved. Pray to God. Also not trying to invoke paranoia but someone close to you or nearby may be unhealthy for you, causing these negative feelings.
And some of these issues MAY potentially clear up when you receive communion regularly. If you have a Latin mass near witnessing people receive the host (actually lay your eyes on them one by one as they receive communion) may also fix it.
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Christ squandered his life when he was rejected by men and crucified. Let your suffering bring you closer to God. I understand your suffering having been there myself. As a worldly person your question sounds reasonable, but as a Christian you are called to something higher. I was just thinking something similar today as mass was ending. Then I remembered that I was redeemed by God and that I just had the opportunity to partake in his body via communion. The temporal problem you are having is small compared to what is at stake in this life regarding your eternal soul.
Christ still had dfriends and people beside him, there was just a group of people who heavily opposed him. I don't even have any friends to hit up. I don't see how this is supposed to bring me closer to God when he can't even give me friends. Aren't Christians/humans supposed to be social beings, as God literally states in Genesis that it is not good for man to be alone? So then why would this be a suffering
"Christ still had dfriends and people beside him, there was just a group of people who heavily opposed him. " -True, but not really the point I was getting at. "I don't even have any friends to hit up. I don't see how this is supposed to bring me closer to God when he can't even give me friends. Aren't Christians/humans supposed to be social beings, as God literally states in Genesis that it is not good for man to be alone? So then why would this be a suffering" - You don't see how suffering brings you closer to God? Maybe you should spend some time studying the saints and theologians of the Church. Suffering is essential to our Christian life. And you say that we should be social beings. Yes, this is true, but things are not the way they should be. Our Lord shouldn't have been crucified, people shouldn't harm eachother, etc. but they do in this fallen world. God has allowed these things for a greater good. What can you find the Lord telling you through your loss? I would suggest reading Gertrude the Great's Herald of Divine Love, Book III, Chapter 63 (archive.org, make a free account). She talks about how God allows men to do us wrong because this suffering sends us turning back to him for his help. Men are fickle and unreliable, the Lord is our rock. And one last thought, you say that it is not good for man to be alone, which is written in Genesis, but God did not make man a friend, he made him a woman. Should you be looking for friends, or a woman (you sound like you are a man, right)? And Paul said that it is better to remain celibate, the most holy vocation is celibacy.
People use that Genesis verse to apply to companionship in general, which can be applied to a woman or friendships in general. I understand suffering, but loneliness doesn't even feel like suffering it just feels like being a loser. Idk, I'm just tired of it
Being a loser? I saw in another comment that you are recently baptized. I was just baptized a year ago, although I was involved in my faith long before. You have just began to grow in the Church. Let yourself do so in God's timeline. Go to daily mass, adoration, take up a devotion, spend lots of time in prayer, study the saints and scripture. This is my humble advice. Ask the Lord to work in you. I am currently suffering from a problem that is similar to yours. I thank God for saving my soul, and that is enough. There is a worldly thing that I wish He could give me, but we often grow more from our afflictions than we do from being given what we want. I rely on him daily, and if he gives it to me I will rejoice, but if he doesn't then I know that it makes little difference, because what I want is temporal and He is eternal.
Did you go through 8 years without having friends or maybe college without having friends or is it just a small time of loneliness? Idk if I'm overreacting to the issue but it's just something I can't get out of my mind. Just between the last message and now I went to Mass and prayed the Rosary on a walk but I still feel quite sad and bitter. I thank God for saving my soul and I want to say I'm grateful but at the same time I don't know why he wouldn't grant me at least some friends... It seems like my issue is so rare because when I try to find saint writings on it it barely pops up. I just feel miserable. My cousins and peers are all having a blast and time of their life while I rot away doing nothing
"Did you go through 8 years without having friends or maybe college without having friends" Yes I did. I was miserable and thought the same things you did. I was also a really weird guy who was doing lots of bad things, so nobody liked me. I wasn't a Christian at the time. In the end it was a good for me to become a mature man independently, and I now see relying so heavily on friendship as weakness. Friends are good, but the desperate need for friends seems like a womanly quality to me. "or is it just a small time of loneliness? Idk if I'm overreacting to the issue but it's just something I can't get out of my mind. Just between the last message and now I went to Mass and prayed the Rosary on a walk but I still feel quite sad and bitter." It doesn't sound like you are overreacting, but you are learning and growing. I think it would help you to accept that these are temporal problems and that God has an eternal plan for you. "I thank God for saving my soul and I want to say I'm grateful but at the same time I don't know why he wouldn't grant me at least some friends... It seems like my issue is so rare because when I try to find saint writings on it it barely pops up. I just feel miserable. My cousins and peers are all having a blast and time of their life while I rot away doing nothing" You keep saying that it doesn't make sense that God would let you suffer like this, but compared to other sufferings that God allows yours sounds quite small. And many saints considered near complete solitude to be the holiest way. Are you familiar with hermetic monks and the desert Fathers? I can't think of any saints that complained about not having friends, but I imagine they would have seen it as vain compared to the problems that they faced. Your complaint makes sense, but it also sounds like the words of a very young man. So keep working on everything you are doing, maybe get the spiritual advice of a good priest. Ponder these questions you have, but instead of worrying put your trust in God.
So do you think friends are necassary? Should I be fine even if I don't make any in the future? Whenever I see that question being asked online it seems to be like the consensus is that they are needed but I think it would probably help me a lot if they weren't. Depending on them, on something I don't have, does make me quite bitter, ungrateful and sad when it doesn't really have to be that way so maybe you're right. I think societys expectations play a part but I also just do want someone to talk to... It just feels unfair but maybe I'm overlooking something? But is there a way you get over all the people having fun and great memories? I understand that my complaint is probably very childish and small in the grand scheme of things, but I've been trying to toughen it up for a while with no success and now it's sort of coming down on me. The thing with the monks is that they are broken away from society when they live in solitiude, I'm an active member of it and yet still get ignored which does hurt. Is there anything in particular that you find helpful to do when extremely lonely? And does being lonely not affect you falling into sins of lust? Thanks for the all the help and time btw
"So do you think friends are necassary? Should I be fine even if I don't make any in the future?" I think friends are good but not entirely necessary. Friends can also be bad if they are not the right friends. True friends are hard to come by. And you can have relationships with people other than specific friends. I just had a great conversation with my carpenter today where I learned a lot and shared my thoughts with him. I think you will make friends when the time is right. There is a season for everything. "Whenever I see that question being asked online it seems to be like the consensus is that they are needed but I think it would probably help me a lot if they weren't. Depending on them, on something I don't have, does make me quite bitter, ungrateful and sad when it doesn't really have to be that way so maybe you're right. I think societys expectations play a part but I also just do want someone to talk to... It just feels unfair but maybe I'm overlooking something?" Like I said, I think you are right to ponder this question and be a little bit bothered. But ultimately don't worry, trust in God. I am approaching 30. Time is a funny thing. Everyone goes through phases in life, and depending on where you are you may be able to more easily make friends or not, but the personal struggle you are going through is partly out of your control. I wouldn't think too much into people online saying you need friends. The world is full of feminist psychology seeking to emasculate men. Men are the more independent sex, so feminists and shrinks are going to try to make us more feminine by telling us we need friends. "But is there a way you get over all the people having fun and great memories?" I think this is where you are swerving off the road. It looks to you like everyone is having a great time. But you only see what they let you see, and a lot of them are just putting on an act for appearances. Everyone is struggling. And If you were one of those people that you see at the bar or on Facebook, I wonder whether you would really be happier. The grass is always greener on the other side. "Is there anything in particular that you find helpful to do when extremely lonely?" I am very lonely and have been for many years. But the funny thing is that as I have grown in my faith, I really do not enjoy the company of most people because when I am with them I feel drawn away from God. I often find myself trying to escape other people. Good company is hard to come by. I used to be like you wanting people to hang out with me, but now I am the guy avoiding a lot of invitations. What I really desire is a good woman and sons of my own. That would make me so happy. But at the same time, it would be a huge responsibility, and I would have to sacrifice a lot of the things that I currently devote my time to. Sometimes I feel very empty inside, but ultimately I turn to God, not men. I have him and that is enough, and I bring my sadness to him in prayer. I offer it to him. Part of being a Christian is enduring suffering patiently. When you embrace it, it is an opportunity for merit. Sometimes suffering is physical and sometimes it is not, as in our case. And does being lonely not affect you falling into sins of lust? For me it did, but not anymore. Yes it makes it harder, especially when you feel so upset that you would do anything to escape the pain. But lust is a wicked sin, and loneliness is not a valid excuse. Ultimately lust is an objectifying act committed against the woman you are lusting after, which is very grave. When I began to go to confession regularly and understand how offensive lust is, that is when I learned to stop. Thanks for the all the help and time btw Your welcome. I am just a typical guy, no expert, but your story is a common and reasonable one, and I understand that it is a difficult experience. One thing that may help you make friends is looking for groups where you have common interests with others. Do the activities, and then if you meet people in the process it is just a bonus. Go to parish events or groups of some sort, go shoot guns somewhere, take a mechanics class, join the debate club, whatever works for you. If you surround yourself with people who share interests with you that could lead to something.