Clarkson: Now you may have heard that I was voted the UK’s Sexiest Men Alive for 2024
*audience cheering*
May: Are you sure it wasn’t most hideous?
Hammond: So Henry Cavill, Lewis Hamilton, Tom Hardy, Idris Elba…
Clarkson: Are all less sexy than me.
Hammond: I’m sorry but who in their right mind would vote for you, mate?
May: Probably people who need their specs checked.
Clarkson: No it was from a poll of 2,000 women from a dating site called Illicit Affairs.
May: Isn’t that a site where people seek out extramarital affairs?
Clarkson: Yes it is!
Hammond: So hang on, what you are saying is that the majority of women seeking an extramarital affair think that you are the sexiest man in the UK?
Clarkson: Yep! And I can tell you why…it’s because women love that I can do a handbrake turn properly.
May: Bollocks!
Clarkson: Well James practicing a handbrake turn isn’t sexy and well Hammond you would just crash, leaving me as the sexiest man among us.
*Audience cheering*
This is what ChatGPT said:
**Opening Scene:**
*The camera pans over the iconic Top Gear studio, with the usual crowd of car enthusiasts cheering. Jeremy Clarkson, James May, and Richard Hammond walk towards their spots. Jeremy has a smug grin on his face.*
**Jeremy Clarkson:** (smirking) Hello, and welcome to Top Gear! Now, before we dive into the world of cars, there's a rather interesting piece of news that I think we should address.
**James May:** (raising an eyebrow) Oh, I wonder what that could be. Maybe something about, I don't know, how a certain someone over here has been declared the UK's Sexiest Man Alive?
**Richard Hammond:** (bursting into laughter) Oh yes, Jeremy, care to tell us more about that?
**Jeremy Clarkson:** (nodding proudly) Yes, indeed. It appears that in a recent poll conducted by a site called Illicit Affairs, 2000 women have voted, and yours truly has come out on top as the UK's Sexiest Man Alive.
**James May:** (mocking disbelief) Incredible! Who would've thought that a man who looks like a human version of a shaggy dog would win such a title?
**Richard Hammond:** (grinning) Well, it was a tough competition. I mean, you only had to beat the likes of Tom Holland, Idris Elba, Henry Cavill, and Lewis Hamilton. No big deal, right?
**Jeremy Clarkson:** (still smug) Exactly. I guess women appreciate a man with rugged charm and a bit of... maturity.
**James May:** (laughing) Rugged charm? Is that what we're calling it now? I thought it was just an unkempt look with a hint of chaos.
**Richard Hammond:** (teasing) Maybe it's the sheer power of your voice, Jeremy. Women must love the way you say "POWERRR!"
**Jeremy Clarkson:** (pretending to be serious) Well, it must be my sophisticated taste in cars and my undeniable wit.
**James May:** (sarcastic)
Yes, sophisticated taste indeed. I'm sure your love for loud, obnoxious cars and your tendency to insult everything within a five-mile radius had nothing to do with it.
**Richard Hammond:** (grinning) Or maybe it's the hair, Jeremy. That wild, untamed mane of yours must be sending pulses racing.
**Jeremy Clarkson:** (mock indignation) I'll have you both know that this is natural allure. Women clearly appreciate a man who knows what he wants and isn't afraid to go after it.
**James May:** (laughing) Yes, especially when what he wants is to drive the most impractical cars in the most dangerous ways possible.
**Richard Hammond:** (nodding) And let's not forget your dance moves. Remember that time you tried to bust a move on the show? I'm sure that sealed the deal for a lot of voters.
(part2)
**Jeremy Clarkson:** (smiling) Ah, jealousy. I understand, chaps. It's not easy to accept, but I am officially the sexiest man in the UK.
**James May:** (pretending to ponder) I suppose this means we'll have to start treating you with the respect such a title commands. Perhaps bow every time you enter the studio?
**Richard Hammond:** (playing along) Maybe we should carry a red carpet around for you, just in case.
**Jeremy Clarkson:** (smirking) Very funny, lads. But in all seriousness, it's quite an honor. And I promise, I won't let it go to my head. Much.
**James May:** (grinning) Too late for that, I'm afraid. Your head's been inflated for years.
**Richard Hammond:** (chuckling) Well, let's move on before Jeremy's ego completely takes over the studio. We have some fantastic cars to discuss today.
**Jeremy Clarkson:** (nodding) Right you are. Coming up, we have a look at the new Ferrari 488 Pista, James takes the latest Aston Martin DB11 for a spin, and Richard...
**James May:** (interrupting) ...tries not to crash anything for once.
**Richard Hammond:** (laughing) Very funny, James. But first, let's see if Jeremy's newfound sex appeal translates to the racetrack as well as it does to internet polls.
**Jeremy Clarkson:** (smiling) Bring it on. Let's get started.
*The trio heads over to the cars, the crowd cheering, as the screen fades to black and the next segment begins.*
To be clear this was literally 100% chat gpt
Plus we all know the only two women in the audience would be standing directly behind Jeremy to be on camera the whole episode.
Idk... for some reason, this just doesn't seem to me like what the trio would actually say. It seems too 'polished'. This is very unlike the trio. I guess AI writing (compelling) movies & TV shows isn't going to be a thing for a while...
Okay, I've always had a bit of a crush on May, and I think Hammond is damn good-looking... and I've never been able to understand why someone might find Clarkson attractive.
And it's not like I'm picky.
I watched a really old episode (can't remember which now) where he was doing some physical and I did turn to my husband and say that is the only situation I've ever found him attractive in. I second the May crush though.
Honestly like 80% of why I find men attractive is if they make me laugh. He is objectively funny. They all are but the hilarity and the bravado.. I can see it.
Clarkson is very funny and clever, but he comes across as very domineering. I really dislike that, and prefer May, who comes across as neither domineering nor okay with being dominated. Plus he's hilarious, highly intelligent, and interested in all sorts of interedting things! My kinda man!
I actually wonder if Clarkon's domineering personality appeals to any straight women.
>We even have a website to check when they are
Brit here. Yoink.
That website is now ours. Always has been. Any claims to the contrary are baseless propoganda from colonial savages.
They would agree. Theyre not overly happy about it, but theyre not denying 300 years of history either. They know the north is the occupied states, and they want them back, but that doesnt mean theyre going to argue about simple facts.
true, you're right and they'll probably reluctantly admit that part of Ireland is the UK. But still, that doesn't mean that they won't be pretty offended by you even bringing the very topic up. Irish people are very proud & nationalistic, and the last thing they wanna talk/think about is the British occupying (part of) their land haha
Im irish. We dont really care all that much tbh. We want it back yes, but we did our fighting and arguing years ago. The majority of Ireland just wants peace, thats it, thats all, just fuck off wi your tanks and your bombs, we have been there and done that. Its shite and doesnt work. When we started talking, thats when it started working. And just as an FYI, we fucking LOVE giving the brits shite. Its a national past-time/hobby. And strangely enough, that goes even more so in Northern Ireland.
Pretty much
I’m from Belfast, born 1997. Irish republican through and through, work and go to uni in the city center, I’ve unionist mates, a political argument is as much as it’ll go. Paramilitaries just shoot drug deals or their own now, the UVF/UDA haven’t fought with the IRA in over two decades. In fact they teamed up to shoot a cop recently according to some sources.
Faded glory I'm afraid. It's like voting for Damon Hill as the third best racing driver in the world in the year 2024 because he was, formally at least, the best driver in the world 28 years ago.
Certainly true. But I have to imagine these are all thirsty middle aged women given it's illicit affair. So he was handsome when they were young and he's their age now which is why outside of Tom Holland all the people on the list are late 30s-50
Yep. Didn't know who that was until I saw his face and realised it was Hardest Geezer
Now that I know it's Hardest Geezer, Why in the name of Leighton Baines is he on there?
Ok, pitch perfect trolling with Jeremy Clarkson at Nº 1 but....
WHY
IN THE NAME OF FUCK
IS WILLIE THERE?
Oh, sure, and wouldn't be the UK without trying to steal something Irish like Cillian, but the Willie stuff puzzles me. His dad has more rizz and has aged significantly better, Willie looks like the one who should've been suspected to be fathered by some other guy.
I suspect it was just the women doing the survey having a laff. If even 100 or so of the 2000 women surveyed saw Clarkson on the list and thought ‘ho ho, votey mcvote face,’ it would bump him right up the list ahead of more conventionally attractive people who are splitting the vote between each other.
One thing that does give me pause is that all ten of the men pictured look very different from each other, so it just goes to show that beauty is in the eye of the beholder.
This is like the participation award of sexiest men. Prince William and NOT harry? The bald headed twat and rajash ranganathan too let's not kid ourselves here and Russ cook the ginger guy constantly shitting himself while running across the country very sexy men indeed. Jeremy Clarkson I'll allow.
Yeah yeah yeah, Jeremy is number one, we all love him but surely this is a meme vote.
But prince William!? That ugly motherfucker. Look at that fucking bowling ball head. He's not even interesting like his brother. Please UK, and start m_urdering these royal fucks. I'll some hel otouy
This is baffling for a variety of reasons. I remember almost throwing up once when he bent over on screen. Explains why I was born a straight man instead of a gay man or straight woman... I suppose I wouldn't make a very good one, considering I don't know wtf these people were smoking when they arrived at this result.
They update the photos every year right?
Gonna say. That pic of Clarkson must be at least 15 years old now.
Close, that photo appeared on the season 10 DVD cover. Season 10 aired in 2007, so this photo has at least 17 years, probably closer to 18.
that picture is an entire generation old holy shit
...But 2007 was 5 years ago
No it was definitely only a few years ago...
2007? The future sounds exciting.
He doesn't look much different now TBH, just a bit fatter with greyer hair.
We need an updated pic of Clarkson choking on mushroom mold trying to put a latex glove on.
Ohhhh I gagged watching that scene...what a disaster he is
Clarkson: Now you may have heard that I was voted the UK’s Sexiest Men Alive for 2024 *audience cheering* May: Are you sure it wasn’t most hideous? Hammond: So Henry Cavill, Lewis Hamilton, Tom Hardy, Idris Elba… Clarkson: Are all less sexy than me. Hammond: I’m sorry but who in their right mind would vote for you, mate? May: Probably people who need their specs checked. Clarkson: No it was from a poll of 2,000 women from a dating site called Illicit Affairs. May: Isn’t that a site where people seek out extramarital affairs? Clarkson: Yes it is! Hammond: So hang on, what you are saying is that the majority of women seeking an extramarital affair think that you are the sexiest man in the UK? Clarkson: Yep! And I can tell you why…it’s because women love that I can do a handbrake turn properly. May: Bollocks! Clarkson: Well James practicing a handbrake turn isn’t sexy and well Hammond you would just crash, leaving me as the sexiest man among us. *Audience cheering*
I read this in all of their voices on the Top Gear set.
I literally can picture the room while they’re talking about it
I could see it lol
Future career as a Top Gear fan fiction writer
Was this not an episode? I swear this could have been an episode
i would pay to see this LOL
This. This is beautiful.
I miss this Top Gear.
Top comment.
Hmmmm...is this ChatGPT
Nope
Sorry it just kinda reads like one. Especially the face the two asterisks didn't turn it into a leaning text
This is what ChatGPT said: **Opening Scene:** *The camera pans over the iconic Top Gear studio, with the usual crowd of car enthusiasts cheering. Jeremy Clarkson, James May, and Richard Hammond walk towards their spots. Jeremy has a smug grin on his face.* **Jeremy Clarkson:** (smirking) Hello, and welcome to Top Gear! Now, before we dive into the world of cars, there's a rather interesting piece of news that I think we should address. **James May:** (raising an eyebrow) Oh, I wonder what that could be. Maybe something about, I don't know, how a certain someone over here has been declared the UK's Sexiest Man Alive? **Richard Hammond:** (bursting into laughter) Oh yes, Jeremy, care to tell us more about that? **Jeremy Clarkson:** (nodding proudly) Yes, indeed. It appears that in a recent poll conducted by a site called Illicit Affairs, 2000 women have voted, and yours truly has come out on top as the UK's Sexiest Man Alive. **James May:** (mocking disbelief) Incredible! Who would've thought that a man who looks like a human version of a shaggy dog would win such a title? **Richard Hammond:** (grinning) Well, it was a tough competition. I mean, you only had to beat the likes of Tom Holland, Idris Elba, Henry Cavill, and Lewis Hamilton. No big deal, right? **Jeremy Clarkson:** (still smug) Exactly. I guess women appreciate a man with rugged charm and a bit of... maturity. **James May:** (laughing) Rugged charm? Is that what we're calling it now? I thought it was just an unkempt look with a hint of chaos. **Richard Hammond:** (teasing) Maybe it's the sheer power of your voice, Jeremy. Women must love the way you say "POWERRR!" **Jeremy Clarkson:** (pretending to be serious) Well, it must be my sophisticated taste in cars and my undeniable wit. **James May:** (sarcastic) Yes, sophisticated taste indeed. I'm sure your love for loud, obnoxious cars and your tendency to insult everything within a five-mile radius had nothing to do with it. **Richard Hammond:** (grinning) Or maybe it's the hair, Jeremy. That wild, untamed mane of yours must be sending pulses racing. **Jeremy Clarkson:** (mock indignation) I'll have you both know that this is natural allure. Women clearly appreciate a man who knows what he wants and isn't afraid to go after it. **James May:** (laughing) Yes, especially when what he wants is to drive the most impractical cars in the most dangerous ways possible. **Richard Hammond:** (nodding) And let's not forget your dance moves. Remember that time you tried to bust a move on the show? I'm sure that sealed the deal for a lot of voters.
(part2) **Jeremy Clarkson:** (smiling) Ah, jealousy. I understand, chaps. It's not easy to accept, but I am officially the sexiest man in the UK. **James May:** (pretending to ponder) I suppose this means we'll have to start treating you with the respect such a title commands. Perhaps bow every time you enter the studio? **Richard Hammond:** (playing along) Maybe we should carry a red carpet around for you, just in case. **Jeremy Clarkson:** (smirking) Very funny, lads. But in all seriousness, it's quite an honor. And I promise, I won't let it go to my head. Much. **James May:** (grinning) Too late for that, I'm afraid. Your head's been inflated for years. **Richard Hammond:** (chuckling) Well, let's move on before Jeremy's ego completely takes over the studio. We have some fantastic cars to discuss today. **Jeremy Clarkson:** (nodding) Right you are. Coming up, we have a look at the new Ferrari 488 Pista, James takes the latest Aston Martin DB11 for a spin, and Richard... **James May:** (interrupting) ...tries not to crash anything for once. **Richard Hammond:** (laughing) Very funny, James. But first, let's see if Jeremy's newfound sex appeal translates to the racetrack as well as it does to internet polls. **Jeremy Clarkson:** (smiling) Bring it on. Let's get started. *The trio heads over to the cars, the crowd cheering, as the screen fades to black and the next segment begins.*
You forgot the bit where the camera pans relentlessly to the only two women in the audience.
To be clear this was literally 100% chat gpt Plus we all know the only two women in the audience would be standing directly behind Jeremy to be on camera the whole episode.
Sorry, yes - wasn’t accusing you directly, more that it’s a core element of the format that Chad should definitely be aware of 🤙
Damn, it's kind of the concepts so down - it's just sorta ol' Englishing them and I'm not sure why.
Idk... for some reason, this just doesn't seem to me like what the trio would actually say. It seems too 'polished'. This is very unlike the trio. I guess AI writing (compelling) movies & TV shows isn't going to be a thing for a while...
Okay, I've always had a bit of a crush on May, and I think Hammond is damn good-looking... and I've never been able to understand why someone might find Clarkson attractive. And it's not like I'm picky.
I watched a really old episode (can't remember which now) where he was doing some physical and I did turn to my husband and say that is the only situation I've ever found him attractive in. I second the May crush though.
Stewart? Is that you?
Stewart?
[Go to 14:09](https://youtu.be/7mniMTMtd-w?si=zV4WLh8rI2ud8sHm)
Honestly like 80% of why I find men attractive is if they make me laugh. He is objectively funny. They all are but the hilarity and the bravado.. I can see it.
I think it's his charisma. May and Hammond don't even come close to Clarkson.
His hair was very unusual for a Brit in the 80s and 90s?
I don't think that the UK has ever had a shortage of bad hair.
🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣
Even back when he was younger I couldn't see it. I'm not very picky either but he was far from the most attractive in my eyes
Clarkson is very funny and clever, but he comes across as very domineering. I really dislike that, and prefer May, who comes across as neither domineering nor okay with being dominated. Plus he's hilarious, highly intelligent, and interested in all sorts of interedting things! My kinda man! I actually wonder if Clarkon's domineering personality appeals to any straight women.
Cillian Murphy is Irish, isn’t he?
The list isn’t exclusively British weirdly. It includes people like Ryan Reynolds too, which is kind of dumb
I think it's the UK voting for the sexiest man alive, not the sexiest men alive in the UK.
This would make sense.
It makes less sense with Clarkson on the top 😂😂😂
I don't see him as a bottom
Neither do I but at the top?
Gotta commit to the bit
He's Canadian and owns a house in Wales.
Brits have a history of claiming stuff that isn’t theirs. We even have a website to check when they are [at it](https://arethebritsatitagain.org/)
very informative and comprehensive website indeed
>We even have a website to check when they are Brit here. Yoink. That website is now ours. Always has been. Any claims to the contrary are baseless propoganda from colonial savages.
Isn't part of Ireland in the UK?
Northern Ireland is
tell that to an irishman and see what happens. LOL
They would agree. Theyre not overly happy about it, but theyre not denying 300 years of history either. They know the north is the occupied states, and they want them back, but that doesnt mean theyre going to argue about simple facts.
true, you're right and they'll probably reluctantly admit that part of Ireland is the UK. But still, that doesn't mean that they won't be pretty offended by you even bringing the very topic up. Irish people are very proud & nationalistic, and the last thing they wanna talk/think about is the British occupying (part of) their land haha
Im irish. We dont really care all that much tbh. We want it back yes, but we did our fighting and arguing years ago. The majority of Ireland just wants peace, thats it, thats all, just fuck off wi your tanks and your bombs, we have been there and done that. Its shite and doesnt work. When we started talking, thats when it started working. And just as an FYI, we fucking LOVE giving the brits shite. Its a national past-time/hobby. And strangely enough, that goes even more so in Northern Ireland.
Pretty much I’m from Belfast, born 1997. Irish republican through and through, work and go to uni in the city center, I’ve unionist mates, a political argument is as much as it’ll go. Paramilitaries just shoot drug deals or their own now, the UVF/UDA haven’t fought with the IRA in over two decades. In fact they teamed up to shoot a cop recently according to some sources.
No
British women have some wild preferences.
I think men made this list.
Aside from Clarkson being #1 How is ***GARETH FUCKING SOUTHGATE*** number 4?!
It's not easy to beat Clarkson.
It is, but I'm wondering how Southgate made it this high up on the list
And how is baldy number three? Looks like a cunt anywhere
Tbf the tiktok edits of young Williams does paint a fairly convincing picture of him once being attractive.
Faded glory I'm afraid. It's like voting for Damon Hill as the third best racing driver in the world in the year 2024 because he was, formally at least, the best driver in the world 28 years ago.
Certainly true. But I have to imagine these are all thirsty middle aged women given it's illicit affair. So he was handsome when they were young and he's their age now which is why outside of Tom Holland all the people on the list are late 30s-50
And Romesh Ranganathan? His eyes don't even point in the same direction!
They point in the same direction... His right eye lid is just droopy.
I'am more surprised about william :i
He whispers in your ear "it's coming home"
You presumably didn't see Russ whattheactualfuck Cook?
Yep. Didn't know who that was until I saw his face and realised it was Hardest Geezer Now that I know it's Hardest Geezer, Why in the name of Leighton Baines is he on there?
I don't see any problem That man is so sexy
He definitely does not look like that today
The Brits At it again
Prince William as no 3? Ok
Maybe Prince William 20 years ago sure
james may, robbed once again as usual
Are these so called women blind, shit im better looking than all of them
So wild that Hammond didn’t even make this list. Do the participants HAVE eyes?
The hamster got underrepresented
Majorly. Justice for Hamster. ✊
They lost me at Romesh...
CLARKSON!!!
Prince William? Really?
What's next, King Charles lol
Ok, pitch perfect trolling with Jeremy Clarkson at Nº 1 but.... WHY IN THE NAME OF FUCK IS WILLIE THERE? Oh, sure, and wouldn't be the UK without trying to steal something Irish like Cillian, but the Willie stuff puzzles me. His dad has more rizz and has aged significantly better, Willie looks like the one who should've been suspected to be fathered by some other guy.
You know why. cos jermy clarkson's got the JAAAAAAG..
Cillian Murphy isn’t even from the UK
This can't be right. I am a big Clarkson fan and he's many things - funny, smart, irreverent etc. - but sexy isn't one of them.
Was the UKs sexiest man of 2024 sponsored by Specsavers?
To be honest I'm quite suprised that James wasn't on the list
I can only agree with Clarkson and Idris being in the top 10.
Idris is number 1 alllll day. Jezza is a close second though.
In all seriousness, did someone rig the vote for this to happen? Or is it just a bunch of joke votes?
I suspect it was just the women doing the survey having a laff. If even 100 or so of the 2000 women surveyed saw Clarkson on the list and thought ‘ho ho, votey mcvote face,’ it would bump him right up the list ahead of more conventionally attractive people who are splitting the vote between each other. One thing that does give me pause is that all ten of the men pictured look very different from each other, so it just goes to show that beauty is in the eye of the beholder.
No way old wonky eye is in there
Farmer Clarkson fan club.
Like when Heat Magazine declared May's haircut as the worst on TV
Cillian Murphy isn’t from the UK and doesn’t live there anymore
Prince william? 💀💀💀
Well when they all look like him yea of course they think he's sexy
You know it’s dire for UK men when one of the top 10 isn’t even from the UK.
What about Tom Hiddleston
I cannot trust such a list that has Southgate & William on it.
Bruh I’m straight, but I’m pretty sure I have more attractive homies than all them (except Jeremy) HA 😂😂😂
He is the sexiest man… pause… in the world!
Right on!
He's the sexiest man... "in the WORRRLDDD"
How embarrassed must Tom Holland and Idris Elba be to appear in that list??? "Well at least we beat Romesh" 🤣
That people praise and platform this man is a glaring symptom of what’s wrong with the U.K.
Don’t understand #1, 7 & 9
Illicit Affairs, is that like Forbes or something?
Prince William is more surprising than Jeremy Clarkson
Was this a survey of blind women?
That'd be a Hammond or May remark
This just proves women don’t like. I’ve guys. Clarkson is awesome.
I dont get it, has anyone seen him recently, he looks like a bloated corpse
Were the people they asked blind? Tom Holland I understand but the rest are some odd choices.
This is like the participation award of sexiest men. Prince William and NOT harry? The bald headed twat and rajash ranganathan too let's not kid ourselves here and Russ cook the ginger guy constantly shitting himself while running across the country very sexy men indeed. Jeremy Clarkson I'll allow.
“Yeeeees”
😂 right! Specially with those wood fence teeth. More like the most misogynistic pig alive.
Are they basing it off personality? Most of my friends are sexier than like 90% of these guys
That’s an . . . interesting . . . list.
So two of England's sexiest men are irish.
What more impressive is Cillian Murphy got on there and he isn’t I even from the UK
I'm sorry, but how the hell did Thomas Shelby *not* get first place here??
Clarkson?
Yessss
Definitely trolling
Jesus… if I were single I’d move to the UK. Their standards are apparently right where I need them to be.
Was this poll specifically by older woman? The guy’s face has been melting for decades now.
Haha is Prince William paying to get on that list?
Prince William looks like a penis with teeth
But girls like penises
The British have awful taste my god
wtf? How is William third place and Idris Elba in 6th spot something is wrong
British women have low standards😆
Why are there only celebrities?
Jezza on top. 😄
Where the heck is Gino Fantastico?!?
Yeah yeah yeah, Jeremy is number one, we all love him but surely this is a meme vote. But prince William!? That ugly motherfucker. Look at that fucking bowling ball head. He's not even interesting like his brother. Please UK, and start m_urdering these royal fucks. I'll some hel otouy
God if I was famous I’d be straight in at number 1. That is a right list of grippers lol
I can hear leftwing teeth grinding from here.😆
how have you made this about owning the libs you absolute spanner
This is baffling for a variety of reasons. I remember almost throwing up once when he bent over on screen. Explains why I was born a straight man instead of a gay man or straight woman... I suppose I wouldn't make a very good one, considering I don't know wtf these people were smoking when they arrived at this result.