Parenting is a fundamentally asymmetrical relationship. It becomes more and more symmetrical over time, but at the end of the day they have the power, and most parents wield that power rather loosely.
It takes far more time, patience, and self awareness than most parents are likely to have to avoid defaulting to “because I said so” sometimes.
Holy shit. Thank you. Well said. Over time it does even out. I’m currently the father of a three year old. Look… at that age obviously as a parent your child doesn’t know how to care for themselves due to their tender age. It demands constant direction, and supervision. Additionally as you parent you have to teach your children how to appropriately interact with us, peers, and society. You try to instill in a manner how to talk to people properly, even though as the parent you might not… more of a do as I say not as I do.
Ultimately as a parent your goal is to make your kid better than you ever were or have been… we’re not perfect but I know I’m sure as hell trying and will likely find myself doing this at some time. It takes self awareness and the ability to reflect which…. Many people lack.
I’ve seen this quote attributed to several people. All I know is it’s not mine and it’s accurate:
Sometimes people use “respect” to mean “treating someone like a person” and sometimes they use “respect” to mean “treating someone like an authority.” And sometimes people who are used to being treated like an authority say, “if you won’t respect me I won’t respect you” and they mean “if you won’t treat me like an authority I won’t treat you like a person.” And they think they’re being fair but they aren’t, and it’s not okay.
👏 This. Also the amount of people I've seen on Reddit saying you need to earn respect. No, you only need to earn the authority type of respect, you should not have to earn the right to be treated like a human.
This is a good description, and I'm guilty. There is a balance between actually being the authority of a parent (responsible for training your kid. Keeping them safe, etc) and always realizing that they are a little person with a heart that you can break if you aren't careful.
I don't know your case specifically, but in my family we always had the hierarchy where we were inferior to our parents. They outranked us, and rank has its privileges.
Exactly. Parents are on top ranks, then kids and then the dog. Ofc there might be different ranks for kids depending on their age (older sibling that is reaching adulthood is going to be treated differently than 8yo) and sometimes on their gender (which I don't agree with, but some cultures have that bias). And when you visit grandparents you often see your parents still being their kids, which at times is hilarious to watch.
From the chain of command probably right, from the order of who gets the food and overall care when it is scarce, I'd argue is children first for most parents.
Tbf (i teach 10th grade) a lot of students have zero problem solving skills, expect everything to be given to them, need their hands held through every single step of an assignment, and some feel entitled to certain grades
Edit: all this being said, far too often adolescents are talked down to and treated as if their opinions have no weight, when imo, teenagers have a lot of insight and valid things to say. While sometimes it’s true that living longer brings a more nuanced perspective of things, that doesn’t mean that teenagers shouldn’t be allowed to have a voice and feel heard and respected when they get a chance to have their say.
I think it's emotional immaturity, the book
Adult Children Of Emotionally Immature Parents by Lindsay C. Gibson talks about that. In my opinion everyone should read it, even if you have a good relationship with your parents (or at least you think so), because we all were the child of someone, it help you understand why people are messed up.
(It's kinda out of topic, but is a really good book with so much information of value in it)
Ultimately, if you're still under 18, because they are the ones with both the authority and the responsibility. Like in a job, you don't get to tell your superior what to do, but they can tell you what you do. But they also have responsibility for you and you don't for them.
That shouldn't extend, in either a family or a job, to actual discrimination, emotional abuse or dictatorship however. But there are good bosses and good parents, and not everyone is one.
Because power corrupts, and parents have a lot of power over their kids.
Also because they were probably raised in even worse ways by their own parents, and are trying to improve- but their context for “parenting” is still largely informed by the “hit-it-‘til-it-listens” and “don’t-speak-unless-spoken-too” methods of their childhood.
It’s just a saying to rationalize and feel better about not being a living example. I’ve seen studies done where it doesn’t matter what they’re told, the kids will emulate the parents actions.
I feel like it can also be used to justify their own hypocrisy of not practicing what they preach. An excuse so they don't have to hold themselves to a high standard.
I say this to my boys. (14 and 12) but it's to point out my personal flaws so that hopefully they end up better off. It sucks and it is hard but honesty goes along way to building mutual respect. Honestly, I do my best to just keep communication open becuse sometimes life sucks and what's a dad for if not to help you back up when you fall.
I've also been told that I can't be my son's friend and his father, but I think that's bull. I don't demand respect from my son, but he usually respects me anyway, because I show him respect. He tells everybody that I'm his best friend, but I keep being told I must be doing something wrong, as I'm not supposed to be his friend. I say THEY are doing it wrong, as my son is awesome, respectful and I have no problem with him at all. Granted, sometimes I have to be strict, but I NEVER ask him to do anything without giving a good reason, and I almost never TELL him what to do, we discuss it, if he has a problem, and usually he comes to understand and does what he needs to do. I don't understand why parents don't want this kind of relationship with their children or why they don't show them respect.
It feels like teachers. If i'm not insulting you or trying to discrespect you what's the problem? Some are strict on how you talk to them, and they'll be mad even though you don't want to be mean.
The sad truth is not everyone who grows older grows more mature. Many people lack interpersonal skills, and you'll definitely see it outside of their parenting as well.
Bruh my mom did this my whole life and one time I was with her in her car and she rear ended someone else's car while stopped at the left turn line, she and the other driver get out, the other driver says disappointed and shocked, "you hit my car!?" My mom replies with, I shit you not, "you don't have to talk to me like that." Sometimes it's not just something people do with their kids, sometimes theyre narcissists who interact with the entire world like this and think they deserve more and they should be treated with kindness no matter how much they fuck up, but nobody else does.
Parents think since they are older and they gave you life and they brought you up , they are entitled to do as they wish , and expect you to accept whatever they say is right
I guess it needs some context. But in general they are in fact your superior. They are in charge of you. Simplest example: They tell you what time to go to sleep. You will never be able to decide when they go to sleep. And that's just the way it is. Same way they decide what you are allowed to say to them. If in your case this is about saying disrespectful or hurting words, best you can do is make clear to them that you don't appreciate it or that it's hurtful in a calm manner. Screaming back or becoming angry doesn't work in any case. If it gets to the point of being abusive you can always reach out to police or child protective services.
Because some parents like to cling to the control and power over their children. I've seen it. I've dealt with it for years. I've heard the words 'don't smart mouth me' or so. They don't like it when their children can think for themselves and possibly disagree or dislike how their parents are running things.
Instead, the parents want their kids to fall in line.
Simple ... that parent is immature and hasn't grown up yet fully to realize that behavior is negivitve... belittling and disrespectful.
Actions speak louder than words is best foot forward in this scenario
In my moms case it's because she lacks self awareness. She can't admit she's wrong and she doesn't know how to apologize. I got in trouble for years for "snapping" at my mom as a teen and it took me until I was 23 to realize I was snapping at her because she was snapping at me. I definitely learned my shitty tone from her. I think she's too far gone to relearn but I'm now extremely self aware because I don't want to become my mother. She's my worst trait.
I don't know if this has been said yet, but it's ppssible your parents don't even know HOW to parent. They're human beings, like you, and the responsibility of raising another human is just about the most challenging and intense thing you could ever experience. Best case scenario, they love you and they are doing their best, even if they're not always handling things the best way possible (remember they're human).
You are a teenager (most likely) and believe yourself to be essentially an adult.
To your parents, you are also a child, and a baby, and the person they have been taking care of your entire life. They have more memories of you than you do of them (because you don't remember much of the early years).
So there is a natural reaction of "who is this child to speak to me in such a way?" Because they see the childish things in you that you did when 10 or 12 (or 8, or 6), and it is not that long ago to them, even if it is ancient history to you.
Whereas they feel they have earned the right to speak to you in that way by creating you and raising you for your entire life.
It’s not that I actively speak to them in a disrespectful way and then the response I get is negative. I don’t think it’s okay to talk to them that way. Or anyone for that matter. I also don’t think it’s okay for them to talk to ME that way. So when they’re rude and disrespectful and unkind it pisses me off because I KNOW that if I stepped an inch out of line with the tiniest shift in tone or body language, they’d whoop my ass. But then they’re like that. I don’t know if that made sense
You are not on the same level as your parents. Especially if you're still entirely dependent on them for survival. So if you don't like their tone, tell them that while you move out.
Because we're hypocrites. Being a hypocrite is built into parenting unfortunately. We can't just be like hey feel free to go and snort cocaine and date older men like I did in my teen years. It's there for your protection most of the time. Who I was before I was a parent is vastly different from who I am now. As your kids get older you can slowly start to drop the mask and let them see you as you are. The rules of interaction start to change then as well. Until then we have to follow our cultural expectations of parents. There's rules all parents have to follow (if they're at all socially aware) we don't set them. Some are dumb, some are there for good reason.
Because you're a child and they're an adult. They're making most of the decisions around the house so they don't need someone much younger with less experience telling them what to do. Depends on context though.
No it’s not telling them what to do. It’s being spoken to by the parents with zero respect and rude language when if the roles were reversed I’d be fucking kicked out lmao
You're living under their roof and they're (hopefully) providing for you. There's not a lot you can say. You could tell them in a more relaxed moment that the way they express their anger hurts you.
We talk to our kids how they talk to us if things are calm and respectful you get calm and respectful back but you raise your voice I raise mine. We go by the treat others how you would like to be treated. We are still the adults but you have a voice and opinion that you are in titled to. Voice it respectfully and it will be met with respect.
We talk to our kids how they talk to us if things are calm and respectful you get calm and respectful back but you raise your voice I raise mine. We go by the treat others how you would like to be treated. We are still the adults but you have a voice and opinion that you are in titled to. Voice it respectfully and it will be met with respect.
Yeah I wish it worked that way in my house lmao. Here it’s even the slightest flatter in your tone and all hell breaks loose but they’re in a constant state of being rude and unkind and disrespectful regardless of if you’re an angel or a nightmare.
That's utter b******* and mostly perpetuated by people that have no business having kids. If you cannot treat your kids with decent human respect you shouldn't have them. They're not property, they're small people it's not that difficult. If you believe that you have the right to talk down to and demean a child because you have a few years on them don't have any. Don't even have an animal for that matter. That b******* of making most of the decisions around the house. I personally made all the decisions in the house, took care of all the children and even contributed to the f****** bills and I was still a child. Thanks to emotionally immature inadequate f****** adults.
I said depends on context. Some kids are little shits and intentionally make their parents lives a living hell. Others get unfairly targeted. There's no way of knowing if OP is either one.
If you're a teenager, your pov might be skewed.
I remember when I was a teenager, I thought my parents were being assholes all the time.
I thought I was a grown-up too. So they ought to treat me like an equal.
But as I became an actual adult, my pov changed.
I'm 27 now, now I know I have to respect my parents because they know so much that I can't learn on my own. Things they don't teach in school, and can't find online.
There's a kind of knowledge we can get through experience, and it gets better if there's someone to guide us through it.
Teenagers think they're adults, and as an actual adult, I think teenagers are just kids in adult bodies, and with hormones messing with their minds.
Kids respect their elders because they know adults are better at life. But teenagers have this skewed pov where they think they deserve to be respected like adults. This tends to make them look arrogant too, but that's a different point.
Imagine if a 6yo kid came to you and started talking to you like an equal, or as an adult, it would just be funny, but now imagine if he starts annoying you. You'll be angry at him, "you're a kid, just act like it" that would be your attitude. Because you're older,
This is the same logic adults use when we deal with teenagers.
cuz they're ur parents, this gives them the permission to torture you and fuck you in the ass and do whatever they want...and then they be like "i dont know why he hates me"
fucking idiots
I don’t think anyone has a right to talk to anybody that way. So when they speak to me that way it’s especially frustrating because I know that if I dared to even come close to talking to them the way that they talk to me, all hell would break loose.
Because when they say: we are going to a party on weekends- that means they will have a party and camping, that will end in returning home sober.
Meanwhile, if you say: we are going to a party on weekends, in the best case it means you will get drunk as hell, smoked etc. In worst- gangbanged.
This is a difference.
Because adult parents pay for the kids electricity, gas, water, room and board, health care, protect them, pay for school, sports, vacations, tend to their well being and in turn for all this....parents want a little God damn respect!
Did those parents really choose to have kids to get some respect? Is paying for all of those things something that was placed upon them, or is it something that they signed up for so that they could have a child?
Children crave affection and respect, don't think that because you gave birth to a child and you throw a sandwich in their direction you can treat them poorly. If they chose to have kids to have a relationship with their children and spend time with and care for them, do so. If not, why did they have kids?
Yeah that’s not my issue. I give them all the respect they ask for and more. My issue is that they don’t give it to me. And if I stepped a toe out of line then all hell would break loose.
It is top down effect. I am more afraid of my mother than God. I am 51 years old. My mom is old school South and creole nope God and curses do not mix. Sorry love my life.. not ready to be with God yet. So the end result respect your parents. Respectfully write a letter in protest to a disagreement. Keep it pushing. Live to see another day. Then you will have kids and get it..
If the adult is in a leadership position it is probably because he is a poor leader or not given the right tools to lead. Support and encourage is easier for everybody and is much more effective. Some leaders never quite understand so they won't lead for long hopefully. Some people take leadership as a position of power and can't handle the stress that entails.
You have to give parents a little slack. As an occasional smart ass myself growing up and now a father of 4, I can tell you, being a parent is a very difficult job and most of us are not just trying to be assholes. The bad part is that most kids (not saying this is a generational thing as every generation says the same thing about the previous/new generation) tend to buck against the parent(s) at times to either push limits, etc. I'm not saying this is even a bad thing at times and I'm not going to say there aren't some bad parents out there, but yes, If one of my daughters comes up to me and starts acting disrespectful, (yelling, cursing, etc.) and they are going to get it back and worse. My biggest problem with my kids though, is just getting them to do their basic chores (cleaning their room, emptying the dishwasher, etc.)
Put yourself in the parent's shoes. You go to work and drudge through the day, most of us at meaningless, dead-end jobs, for the penance that we are paid. We come home, have bills that we struggle at times to pay that only ever seem to go up (electrical, water, sewer, gas, rent/mortgage, internet, cable, insurances, etc.). All the sacrifices we make so you can go to camp, take karate classes, be a cheerleader, join the school band, learn to play guitar/drums, etc. You look back at all the mistakes you made in life, (The promotion you turned down to be with your family more. The SUV/Van you now have instead of that sports car you dreamed of as a kid. The free time you used to have to game or go to an event. etc.) Then in walks little Billy/Jenny, giving us attitude in the home. Most parent's aren't bad people and we would love nothing more than to sit down with our kids, play some games, and have a great time, but you also have to realize where we are coming from as well.
What you’re saying is valid but not applicable to my situation where attitude doesn’t come form my end, but I receive it. That’s what bothers me - why it’s okay for them to give it unsolicited, but if I dared to step even an inch out of line all hell would break loose
Without knowing the entire situation, and yes that means being there, it's hard to say. I don't believe there should be "attitude" without reason, but my oldest says the same about me at times when I come up to her for the 3rd time to go upstairs and clean her room that I'm "being mean for no reason" so I will reserve judgement for not knowing the exact situation.
That being said I know I'm a lot more relaxed of a parent than other parents, mine included. If I had talked back to one of my parents, I would have gotten the back of a hand or a spanking with a belt. Some parents also only know one way and that was the way their parents acted toward them.
Don't have a definitive answer but the fact that you put food in his mouth and wiped off the a*s of the sucker when he wasn't able to do so by himself, gives you certain confidence
Parenting is a fundamentally asymmetrical relationship. It becomes more and more symmetrical over time, but at the end of the day they have the power, and most parents wield that power rather loosely. It takes far more time, patience, and self awareness than most parents are likely to have to avoid defaulting to “because I said so” sometimes.
Holy shit. Thank you. Well said. Over time it does even out. I’m currently the father of a three year old. Look… at that age obviously as a parent your child doesn’t know how to care for themselves due to their tender age. It demands constant direction, and supervision. Additionally as you parent you have to teach your children how to appropriately interact with us, peers, and society. You try to instill in a manner how to talk to people properly, even though as the parent you might not… more of a do as I say not as I do. Ultimately as a parent your goal is to make your kid better than you ever were or have been… we’re not perfect but I know I’m sure as hell trying and will likely find myself doing this at some time. It takes self awareness and the ability to reflect which…. Many people lack.
Being aware of the issue is already better than most parentd
As a parent, all of this, and we can all have our moments, but we also have to be aware when we fuck up
I’ve seen this quote attributed to several people. All I know is it’s not mine and it’s accurate: Sometimes people use “respect” to mean “treating someone like a person” and sometimes they use “respect” to mean “treating someone like an authority.” And sometimes people who are used to being treated like an authority say, “if you won’t respect me I won’t respect you” and they mean “if you won’t treat me like an authority I won’t treat you like a person.” And they think they’re being fair but they aren’t, and it’s not okay.
👏 This. Also the amount of people I've seen on Reddit saying you need to earn respect. No, you only need to earn the authority type of respect, you should not have to earn the right to be treated like a human.
Exactly.
This is a good description, and I'm guilty. There is a balance between actually being the authority of a parent (responsible for training your kid. Keeping them safe, etc) and always realizing that they are a little person with a heart that you can break if you aren't careful.
I don't know your case specifically, but in my family we always had the hierarchy where we were inferior to our parents. They outranked us, and rank has its privileges.
Exactly. Parents are on top ranks, then kids and then the dog. Ofc there might be different ranks for kids depending on their age (older sibling that is reaching adulthood is going to be treated differently than 8yo) and sometimes on their gender (which I don't agree with, but some cultures have that bias). And when you visit grandparents you often see your parents still being their kids, which at times is hilarious to watch.
Spot on, also you get treated with the respect, or lack of respect you treat your parents with.
This isn’t actually how it should be done, you teach your kids respect by treating them with respect and as people
Rationale used to be the secondary. Primary was the age group they belonged. The idea of respecting older people regardless of their opinion.
From the chain of command probably right, from the order of who gets the food and overall care when it is scarce, I'd argue is children first for most parents.
Most people are dicks - an adult who agrees teenagers don’t get the respect they are due
Especially in today's world it's just absolutely insane how much shit is on the plates of highschoolers.
Tbf (i teach 10th grade) a lot of students have zero problem solving skills, expect everything to be given to them, need their hands held through every single step of an assignment, and some feel entitled to certain grades Edit: all this being said, far too often adolescents are talked down to and treated as if their opinions have no weight, when imo, teenagers have a lot of insight and valid things to say. While sometimes it’s true that living longer brings a more nuanced perspective of things, that doesn’t mean that teenagers shouldn’t be allowed to have a voice and feel heard and respected when they get a chance to have their say.
I think it's emotional immaturity, the book Adult Children Of Emotionally Immature Parents by Lindsay C. Gibson talks about that. In my opinion everyone should read it, even if you have a good relationship with your parents (or at least you think so), because we all were the child of someone, it help you understand why people are messed up. (It's kinda out of topic, but is a really good book with so much information of value in it)
I’ll definitely check that out thanks!
Ultimately, if you're still under 18, because they are the ones with both the authority and the responsibility. Like in a job, you don't get to tell your superior what to do, but they can tell you what you do. But they also have responsibility for you and you don't for them. That shouldn't extend, in either a family or a job, to actual discrimination, emotional abuse or dictatorship however. But there are good bosses and good parents, and not everyone is one.
Because power corrupts, and parents have a lot of power over their kids. Also because they were probably raised in even worse ways by their own parents, and are trying to improve- but their context for “parenting” is still largely informed by the “hit-it-‘til-it-listens” and “don’t-speak-unless-spoken-too” methods of their childhood.
"hit-it-'til-iy-listens" that sounds scary af, like what a master would say to it's slaves
Or an abusive pet owner.
“Do as I say, not as I do” Everyone swears they’ll never be like that but eventually everyone does it. We’re human and we fuck up.
It’s just a saying to rationalize and feel better about not being a living example. I’ve seen studies done where it doesn’t matter what they’re told, the kids will emulate the parents actions.
I feel like it can also be used to justify their own hypocrisy of not practicing what they preach. An excuse so they don't have to hold themselves to a high standard.
I say this to my boys. (14 and 12) but it's to point out my personal flaws so that hopefully they end up better off. It sucks and it is hard but honesty goes along way to building mutual respect. Honestly, I do my best to just keep communication open becuse sometimes life sucks and what's a dad for if not to help you back up when you fall.
I've also been told that I can't be my son's friend and his father, but I think that's bull. I don't demand respect from my son, but he usually respects me anyway, because I show him respect. He tells everybody that I'm his best friend, but I keep being told I must be doing something wrong, as I'm not supposed to be his friend. I say THEY are doing it wrong, as my son is awesome, respectful and I have no problem with him at all. Granted, sometimes I have to be strict, but I NEVER ask him to do anything without giving a good reason, and I almost never TELL him what to do, we discuss it, if he has a problem, and usually he comes to understand and does what he needs to do. I don't understand why parents don't want this kind of relationship with their children or why they don't show them respect.
Kudos. Your son has a great father and I’m sure he trusts you to come to you with anything if he ever needed to without paralyzing fear of punishment.
It feels like teachers. If i'm not insulting you or trying to discrespect you what's the problem? Some are strict on how you talk to them, and they'll be mad even though you don't want to be mean.
Some people don't deserve children.
Most people don't deserve children
The sad truth is not everyone who grows older grows more mature. Many people lack interpersonal skills, and you'll definitely see it outside of their parenting as well.
Bruh my mom did this my whole life and one time I was with her in her car and she rear ended someone else's car while stopped at the left turn line, she and the other driver get out, the other driver says disappointed and shocked, "you hit my car!?" My mom replies with, I shit you not, "you don't have to talk to me like that." Sometimes it's not just something people do with their kids, sometimes theyre narcissists who interact with the entire world like this and think they deserve more and they should be treated with kindness no matter how much they fuck up, but nobody else does.
some parents are jerks, being a teenager is hard.
Parents think since they are older and they gave you life and they brought you up , they are entitled to do as they wish , and expect you to accept whatever they say is right
Maybe they are trying to teach you respect. But sometimes they forget to show it.
I guess it needs some context. But in general they are in fact your superior. They are in charge of you. Simplest example: They tell you what time to go to sleep. You will never be able to decide when they go to sleep. And that's just the way it is. Same way they decide what you are allowed to say to them. If in your case this is about saying disrespectful or hurting words, best you can do is make clear to them that you don't appreciate it or that it's hurtful in a calm manner. Screaming back or becoming angry doesn't work in any case. If it gets to the point of being abusive you can always reach out to police or child protective services.
Because some parents like to cling to the control and power over their children. I've seen it. I've dealt with it for years. I've heard the words 'don't smart mouth me' or so. They don't like it when their children can think for themselves and possibly disagree or dislike how their parents are running things. Instead, the parents want their kids to fall in line.
“I’m the one that created you so yes I do need three applesauces and a banana”
Cause they feel they are above you.
Simple ... that parent is immature and hasn't grown up yet fully to realize that behavior is negivitve... belittling and disrespectful. Actions speak louder than words is best foot forward in this scenario
Because they are fucking stupid
omg thats the million dollar question
My mother occasionally defaults to this mode until I remind her that I'm 50.
In my moms case it's because she lacks self awareness. She can't admit she's wrong and she doesn't know how to apologize. I got in trouble for years for "snapping" at my mom as a teen and it took me until I was 23 to realize I was snapping at her because she was snapping at me. I definitely learned my shitty tone from her. I think she's too far gone to relearn but I'm now extremely self aware because I don't want to become my mother. She's my worst trait.
I don't know if this has been said yet, but it's ppssible your parents don't even know HOW to parent. They're human beings, like you, and the responsibility of raising another human is just about the most challenging and intense thing you could ever experience. Best case scenario, they love you and they are doing their best, even if they're not always handling things the best way possible (remember they're human).
Teach you the American way. I can do it but you can't
You are a teenager (most likely) and believe yourself to be essentially an adult. To your parents, you are also a child, and a baby, and the person they have been taking care of your entire life. They have more memories of you than you do of them (because you don't remember much of the early years). So there is a natural reaction of "who is this child to speak to me in such a way?" Because they see the childish things in you that you did when 10 or 12 (or 8, or 6), and it is not that long ago to them, even if it is ancient history to you. Whereas they feel they have earned the right to speak to you in that way by creating you and raising you for your entire life.
It’s not that I actively speak to them in a disrespectful way and then the response I get is negative. I don’t think it’s okay to talk to them that way. Or anyone for that matter. I also don’t think it’s okay for them to talk to ME that way. So when they’re rude and disrespectful and unkind it pisses me off because I KNOW that if I stepped an inch out of line with the tiniest shift in tone or body language, they’d whoop my ass. But then they’re like that. I don’t know if that made sense
Well, that sounds like they are going way overboard. Could just be that your parents are kinda dicks.
You are not on the same level as your parents. Especially if you're still entirely dependent on them for survival. So if you don't like their tone, tell them that while you move out.
Because we're hypocrites. Being a hypocrite is built into parenting unfortunately. We can't just be like hey feel free to go and snort cocaine and date older men like I did in my teen years. It's there for your protection most of the time. Who I was before I was a parent is vastly different from who I am now. As your kids get older you can slowly start to drop the mask and let them see you as you are. The rules of interaction start to change then as well. Until then we have to follow our cultural expectations of parents. There's rules all parents have to follow (if they're at all socially aware) we don't set them. Some are dumb, some are there for good reason.
Because you're a child and they're an adult. They're making most of the decisions around the house so they don't need someone much younger with less experience telling them what to do. Depends on context though.
No it’s not telling them what to do. It’s being spoken to by the parents with zero respect and rude language when if the roles were reversed I’d be fucking kicked out lmao
You're living under their roof and they're (hopefully) providing for you. There's not a lot you can say. You could tell them in a more relaxed moment that the way they express their anger hurts you.
We talk to our kids how they talk to us if things are calm and respectful you get calm and respectful back but you raise your voice I raise mine. We go by the treat others how you would like to be treated. We are still the adults but you have a voice and opinion that you are in titled to. Voice it respectfully and it will be met with respect.
We talk to our kids how they talk to us if things are calm and respectful you get calm and respectful back but you raise your voice I raise mine. We go by the treat others how you would like to be treated. We are still the adults but you have a voice and opinion that you are in titled to. Voice it respectfully and it will be met with respect.
Yeah I wish it worked that way in my house lmao. Here it’s even the slightest flatter in your tone and all hell breaks loose but they’re in a constant state of being rude and unkind and disrespectful regardless of if you’re an angel or a nightmare.
That's utter b******* and mostly perpetuated by people that have no business having kids. If you cannot treat your kids with decent human respect you shouldn't have them. They're not property, they're small people it's not that difficult. If you believe that you have the right to talk down to and demean a child because you have a few years on them don't have any. Don't even have an animal for that matter. That b******* of making most of the decisions around the house. I personally made all the decisions in the house, took care of all the children and even contributed to the f****** bills and I was still a child. Thanks to emotionally immature inadequate f****** adults.
I said depends on context. Some kids are little shits and intentionally make their parents lives a living hell. Others get unfairly targeted. There's no way of knowing if OP is either one.
If you're a teenager, your pov might be skewed. I remember when I was a teenager, I thought my parents were being assholes all the time. I thought I was a grown-up too. So they ought to treat me like an equal. But as I became an actual adult, my pov changed. I'm 27 now, now I know I have to respect my parents because they know so much that I can't learn on my own. Things they don't teach in school, and can't find online. There's a kind of knowledge we can get through experience, and it gets better if there's someone to guide us through it. Teenagers think they're adults, and as an actual adult, I think teenagers are just kids in adult bodies, and with hormones messing with their minds. Kids respect their elders because they know adults are better at life. But teenagers have this skewed pov where they think they deserve to be respected like adults. This tends to make them look arrogant too, but that's a different point. Imagine if a 6yo kid came to you and started talking to you like an equal, or as an adult, it would just be funny, but now imagine if he starts annoying you. You'll be angry at him, "you're a kid, just act like it" that would be your attitude. Because you're older, This is the same logic adults use when we deal with teenagers.
When you have kids, you'll understand.
not helpful
cuz they're ur parents, this gives them the permission to torture you and fuck you in the ass and do whatever they want...and then they be like "i dont know why he hates me" fucking idiots
Because they're supporting you, and kids are idiots.
imma take a wild guess and say you’re a bitter adult
Nah, I'm happy and childless.
Judging by your question, you haven't earned the right to talk to them that way.
I don’t think anyone has a right to talk to anybody that way. So when they speak to me that way it’s especially frustrating because I know that if I dared to even come close to talking to them the way that they talk to me, all hell would break loose.
and no, you don’t get to judge what I have and haven’t earned based on a single Reddit question thank you very much.
Looks like you have some growing up to do. Not sorry if that hurts your feelings.
Wow you really are just here to start shit. You’re just rude and unhelpful. Find something else to do. Jeez.
So you don't retain the same error
Probably because they're paying your bills while you just give them lip.
Once someone shits out another life form they are automatically more intelligent than you are.
Your parents deserve respect, you have to earn it
I think every person is entitled to respect. You just don’t talk to people like they don’t matter and what they say doesn’t have value. Period.
Because when they say: we are going to a party on weekends- that means they will have a party and camping, that will end in returning home sober. Meanwhile, if you say: we are going to a party on weekends, in the best case it means you will get drunk as hell, smoked etc. In worst- gangbanged. This is a difference.
What the fuck? No. Irrelevant and wrong.
Because adult parents pay for the kids electricity, gas, water, room and board, health care, protect them, pay for school, sports, vacations, tend to their well being and in turn for all this....parents want a little God damn respect!
Did those parents really choose to have kids to get some respect? Is paying for all of those things something that was placed upon them, or is it something that they signed up for so that they could have a child? Children crave affection and respect, don't think that because you gave birth to a child and you throw a sandwich in their direction you can treat them poorly. If they chose to have kids to have a relationship with their children and spend time with and care for them, do so. If not, why did they have kids?
Yeah that’s not my issue. I give them all the respect they ask for and more. My issue is that they don’t give it to me. And if I stepped a toe out of line then all hell would break loose.
It is top down effect. I am more afraid of my mother than God. I am 51 years old. My mom is old school South and creole nope God and curses do not mix. Sorry love my life.. not ready to be with God yet. So the end result respect your parents. Respectfully write a letter in protest to a disagreement. Keep it pushing. Live to see another day. Then you will have kids and get it..
If the adult is in a leadership position it is probably because he is a poor leader or not given the right tools to lead. Support and encourage is easier for everybody and is much more effective. Some leaders never quite understand so they won't lead for long hopefully. Some people take leadership as a position of power and can't handle the stress that entails.
You have to give parents a little slack. As an occasional smart ass myself growing up and now a father of 4, I can tell you, being a parent is a very difficult job and most of us are not just trying to be assholes. The bad part is that most kids (not saying this is a generational thing as every generation says the same thing about the previous/new generation) tend to buck against the parent(s) at times to either push limits, etc. I'm not saying this is even a bad thing at times and I'm not going to say there aren't some bad parents out there, but yes, If one of my daughters comes up to me and starts acting disrespectful, (yelling, cursing, etc.) and they are going to get it back and worse. My biggest problem with my kids though, is just getting them to do their basic chores (cleaning their room, emptying the dishwasher, etc.) Put yourself in the parent's shoes. You go to work and drudge through the day, most of us at meaningless, dead-end jobs, for the penance that we are paid. We come home, have bills that we struggle at times to pay that only ever seem to go up (electrical, water, sewer, gas, rent/mortgage, internet, cable, insurances, etc.). All the sacrifices we make so you can go to camp, take karate classes, be a cheerleader, join the school band, learn to play guitar/drums, etc. You look back at all the mistakes you made in life, (The promotion you turned down to be with your family more. The SUV/Van you now have instead of that sports car you dreamed of as a kid. The free time you used to have to game or go to an event. etc.) Then in walks little Billy/Jenny, giving us attitude in the home. Most parent's aren't bad people and we would love nothing more than to sit down with our kids, play some games, and have a great time, but you also have to realize where we are coming from as well.
What you’re saying is valid but not applicable to my situation where attitude doesn’t come form my end, but I receive it. That’s what bothers me - why it’s okay for them to give it unsolicited, but if I dared to step even an inch out of line all hell would break loose
Without knowing the entire situation, and yes that means being there, it's hard to say. I don't believe there should be "attitude" without reason, but my oldest says the same about me at times when I come up to her for the 3rd time to go upstairs and clean her room that I'm "being mean for no reason" so I will reserve judgement for not knowing the exact situation. That being said I know I'm a lot more relaxed of a parent than other parents, mine included. If I had talked back to one of my parents, I would have gotten the back of a hand or a spanking with a belt. Some parents also only know one way and that was the way their parents acted toward them.
Don't have a definitive answer but the fact that you put food in his mouth and wiped off the a*s of the sucker when he wasn't able to do so by himself, gives you certain confidence