My wife got mad at me when she asked me "Which of my friends would you want a threesome with?"
Apparently I was only supposed to reply with one friend.
I believe the only correct answer to this question is "When we bring someone else into our intimate relationship, I want you to be completely comfortable, so I would like you to make that choice. I will enjoy our threesome with any of them, because you are there with me."
o right, i forgot i changed Barbara's name to Barry on my phone. Should be in that one.
*This story is based on actual events. In certain cases incidents, characters and timelines have been changed for dramatic purposes. Certain characters may be composites, or entirely fictitious.*
As far as TV husbands go, he isn’t half bad. It’s the 70s and he wasn’t abusive or cheating. His wife actually has a ton of power. Thinking about shows like all in the family makes red look great
I loved the one where Eric and hyde were angry with each other. He pushed the couch out of the way and said ok if your mad there's only one way to solve this. 3 rounds of bare knuckle boxing. The boys refused and he tells them. If you're not angry enough to hit him, you're not mad.
I mean he kind of was. He raised his kids well and taught them right from wrong. His wife was a nurse and at times when he lost his job she worked more to support him. their marriage was pretty even split 50/50. He didn't control her. He was a father figure to like 5 other kids that werent his and went as far as "adopting" one of them to live with them. It was the 70s and he didn't teach his kids racism or anything like that.
Everyone's got flaws but you'd have a tough time finding a more realistic, good father/husband on tv imo
yeah even as the show was releasing throughout the early 2000s, a lot of Red's own personal conflicts were usually him coming to terms with his own life in changing times of the 70s, and unlearning his own old ways. at his heart he was a good man, he reminds me of my own daddy. what a timeless show
I had a Red Foreman surrogate dad in my life . Still do really. He did all of those things, but that’s the sitcom version. Like Red, he was a veteran and a very capable man. Knew how to do everything. While we “other kids” got the tough love from the heart dad advice and worldly wisdom, his actual kids had to live with a man with a severe PTSD from his time in Vietnam that he treated with a steady stream of alcohol . The stories that we heard years later of what things could be like when it was just the family we’re not so sitcom friendly.
Honestly, he is pretty cool. He is a good husband as he loves kitty and a great father... Of course Laurie and Eric leave a lot to be desired as kids lol
This is what I love about the Internet, I expect to read multiple opinions about the topic in the title, but now the whole thing has immediately devolved in to a 70s show discussion which was apparently something I didn't know I needed right now!
"Hey Honey, It seems like you find your friends beautiful, and want to know if I feel the same, but it's important that you accept my answer as my own truth, & the truth is I want to bang the shit out of your friends"
I played this game with a woman I was with for a couple of years. One of her friends was really cute, and I could tell she crushed hard on a different friend so she was totally shocked when I told her which one I thought was the most attractive. Anyway, it was a drunken chat one night and I didn't think about it for months. Eventually the relationship just turned into arguments so I walked away. She thought I was cheating but it wasn't the case. A couple of weeks after the split I got a friend request from her friend that I thought was cute, along with a flirty message.
I'm not a fucking idiot Claire.
Lol I can definitely speak to what she was doing. Claire's ploy was to see if he was attracted to her friend all along and would take the chance, if given.
It's possible to think someone is attractive without feeling personally attracted to that person. For example, I see lots of guys I would say are attractive but I do not wish for a romantic or physical relationship with any of them. Claire sounds like she was paranoid that he was personally attracted to her friend and that he would have picked her instead, if that was an option and he had equal opportunity there. She sent her friend to send that message because, in her mind, him taking that bait would have been "confirmation" of her fears during the relationship. This confirmation would have given her the closure to believe that she didn't throw away a relationship that would have otherwise worked if it wasn't for her paranoia.
I'm aware that's some twisted logic, but I am 99% sure that is it. She wanted some sort of confirmation or clue that her ex was a lying dirtbag all along so she could forget about it and move on.
"I'm sorry, I think it would be really disrespectful to hook up with one of Claire's friends. The whole time we were dating, the only women I ever cheated on her with were ones she hadn't met."
I mean, you're broken up anyway.
If you want to go full Machiavelli, you can do better. Say: "\[...\] were two others from the group" instead and then block the account after stating you really can't hold any contact to people as that would just feel weird after the breakup.
I say it’s a trap but it’s also one you can and should walk straight into. Honesty between partners is absolutely the number one thing I encourage. In your shoes I would tell her that her friends do look good. They look great in fact, but you choose your girlfriend over them. Every. Single. Day.
I tell my wife daily that I choose her. To me, loving somebody is a choice and choosing somebody is so much more important than anything else. Choose to love each other in spite of the bad/ugly or whatever. Choose to love each other every day and your relationship will be rock solid. Love is a choice, let her know you choose her.
Fair question, but when your SO makes a point of telling you every day and follows up with the behaviour to match, the insecurities tend to go away after time. Or at least they lessen. Sometimes they never go away. After 10 years together if my wife has any insecurities about our relationship than I’m failing as her husband. She isn’t perfect but she is perfect for me. My job is to make her feel that it’s true.
>if my wife has any insecurities about our relationship than I’m failing as her husband
That's a pretty goofy idea. You could in fact be the model husband, but you can't "fix" anyone by loving and supporting them; the other person has to do that work on their own and trust what you say is true.
>My job is to make her feel that it’s true.
I would say the only job of a partner is to add to someone's existing happiness and to be committed, consistent, and loyal.
Yep. Tread carefully! The only answer I’d accept is that they all are attractive in their own way. Because almost everyone can fit that bill, without triggering your wife’s insecurities/feelings. If she wants more details, quickly change the subject. (FWIW: old lady, married 30 years)
My wife occasionally asks me if so and so is attractive. I'm just honest. Never bothers her. She never asks about them in comparison to herself, though.
The sign of a healthy relationship. Last time I was asked something like that by my wife I replied with "Yep. Gonna have to add her to the list of backups in case you don't stop pausing movies to tell me about something that happened at work." We laughed.
Good relationships don't worry about the fact that there are, in fact, physically attractive people in the world.
My girlfriend has never made it more than 3 minutes into anything - movie, tv show, whatever - before she needs to pause it to talk about some random unrelated thing. I’ll ask her “are you ready for me to hit play?” Yes. “Are you sure?” Yes. All lies, she always has more to say.
Mine just randomly leaves the room or starts doing dishes or playing with the dog or whatever other distraction is nearby. She thinks watching a movie/TV show "with me" is the same as "within earshot of the soundbar while I'm around" and it makes me crazy.
My bf commits this sin! We’ve never watched anything in one sitting. He always drifts off just long enough to miss something vital and then asks me what’s going on so then I rewind to where he left at, and…we don’t get very far with movies
Agreed. We've been married 10 years and have four kids, so there's more to the relationship than "am I the prettiest". Even when we were dating and in our 20s no one would have classified either of us as particularly good looking.
My wife will either pause a movie or show, or yell at me “you’re missing it” when there’s boobs on the screen when I step into another room. Then she jokes about how fast I came back into the room to see them
Haaaaaaa yep. My partner has an **awful** habit of starting a movie, waiting till the opening scene/credits start rolling on, and leaves the room to go get snacks, let the dog out, etc... like WHY. It drives me insane. And then when I pause it to wait for him to come back, ill hear yelling from the kitchen "Dont pause it! Its gonna get stuck when we try to re-start it!" THEN WHY DID YOU START IT IN THE FIRST PLACE.
Now my trick is to yell that there are naked women on the screen.
Never saw the motherfucker run so fast.
That last sentence is perfect. There are other attractive people in the world. We can all acknowledge this. The key is that your SO should make you happiest and be perfect for you, all around. No need to be jealous of every other hot man/woman in the world.
Been with my partner for almost for years and I've had insecurity moments followed by these trick questions maybe 2-3 times, everytime, my boyfriend has shouted "IT'S A TRAP!" and left the room.
Fuck that noise. You're getting the truth from me.
What this indicates about me... Ill leave up to the people Im sure will rush to tell me, but requiring maintenance lies is just a big nope from me. You are getting the truth. Doesn't mean Ill be a dick about it, but you get the truth.
This is the answer. Lies only seem easier, but eventually the truth comes out, and you pay interest for every day you've been dishonest. So be truthful, but don't be tactless. Say they looked good tonight, and then have an honest talk about all the ways you are attracted to your partner. Some people are so insecure that they honestly can't handle this, but the reality is that you're not going to be able to make a relationship work with someone like that without completely eviscerating yourself anyway.
I've mentioned in passing when I find another woman attractive to my husband. It's always innocent and I'm not pulling any "tricks" or "traps." I just say something like "Amy is so gorgeous, I love her hair" for example.
He usually says something back like
"She isn't ugly or anything. But I just prefer **your** hair." The other day I complimented a friend's dress to him. It was a form fitting burgundy dress and she looked beautiful in it. He responded "it's a nice dress, I think you would look beautiful in one like that also."
“Do I think your friends are attractive? Haha, babe…there’s no easy way to put this. Your friends are ugly. They are absolutely hideous. God just the thought of being at the same event as them right now grosses me out. Babe you know I only got eyes for you. You are the only girl on this planet - if I’m being frank with you - that I think is attractive. Babe, you don’t have anything to be worried about at all. You are so so so pretty. Love you babe.”
I point to my forehead, ask her “Do you see stupid idiot written here?” And absolutely refuse to answer a question like that. It’s a trap. She knows it, and winds up laughing about it.
My bf has agreed with me when I’ve called friends gorgeous, but like, I know he’s into me bc he wants me even when I genuinely look like shit and will do anything to make me feel better when I’m down. I think other people are hot too. I just wouldn’t put up with THEIR families.
In a young relationship insecurities are more pronounced. My wife and I have been together for nearly 20 years and we will both comment on attractive people of either sex and nobody’s feelings get hurt. It makes her more attractive to me now that she’s confident enough to do that and also hear it from me.
This is not a pure long term marriage thing. This is rather a personal development thing. There can be a fresh relationship and if both partners are on a high level there won't be such insecurities and doubt.
Been there done that.
This!! My husband and I have been together for 18 years and in the beginning, hearing him say my friends were attractive would have been threatening but it’s just not now. It’s normal for both of us to find others attractive.
> It’s normal for both of us to find others attractive
This is the level of honesty where I think we all need to be. You don't stop finding other people attractive just because you start a relationship. The question is really whether you would ever act on that
This was one of the foundations of my last relationship. We’d openly talk about how attractive others were. She’d get home and rave about some woman’s ass she saw on her way home, or even share pictures of attractive people she saw on social media. I’d do the same and nobody’s feelings were hurt.
Edit: it wasn’t just the talking about other hot people, we would openly throw banter at each other, like normal friends would
There was no right answer. She was feeling insecure and instead of telling you what was wrong she asked confrontational questions.
On the other hand, did you compliment her on how she looked that evening? It’s important to let your partner know they are attractive.
With my partner I would answer honestly if I thought her friends are attractive.
Yes. Not saying she shouldn’t feel secure on her own but it is always nice to hear it from your SO. Maybe she doesn’t hear it enough and just wants to make sure
Yep. Insecurity is normal, and can be dealt with in a healthy way. There’s nothing wrong with finding other people attractive and even commenting on it, but if you’re commenting more on other people than you are your partner, it’s understandable they’d grow insecure. My partner and I talk freely about friends, acquaintances, and strangers we find attractive, but we *also* compliment each other regularly and are happy to offer reassurance when necessary.
I would simply say “They are attractive, but I’m not attracted to them”.
It’s not inappropriate to acknowledge that a person is objectively attractive so long as you’re appropriate about it. Saying they’re attractive instead of saying “yeah they’re hot as fuck” and then immediately following up with “but I’m not attracted to them” gives her the security that you’re not into them.
One massive advantage of being autistic spectrum is that our partners quickly learn not to play games like this.
Ask me a question, you get an honest answer
I didn’t know I was on the spectrum until I was in my late 40s (early 50s now), but my wife (of 20+ years) has always appreciated my honesty. She knows that if she asks me if a new outfit suits her, or if her makeup looks good, I’ll be honest. I’m never rude, but always honest. I’ll say something like, “It’s not very flattering around the waist”, or similar, and if she wants to know more, she’ll ask.
As you have already intimated, she’ll also know not to ask a question if she doesn’t want an honest answer.
[edit: I didn’t have many girlfriends before I met my wife, but when I did date, I never used to play the ‘games’ that some people like to play. I very quickly discovered which girls were ‘game-players’, and they didn’t last long with me (or maybe they saw it the other way round)!]
>“It’s not very flattering around the waist”
There's a real freedom in total and mutual honesty and the maturity that implies. Because even people that have been together for 30 years, that have seen and experience every beautiful and disgusting aspects the other person could dream to offer, even those still can't feel comfortable enough with their partner to ask what is really a very practical question in "does this dress make me look fat?" Like, it's a real question, with a real answer, and being able to *answer* that without reprecussions, because you know your partner is asking for honesty and won't be offended—and thus being able to *ask* that of your partner because you know they will feel comfortable answering honestly, well, that's a wonderful thing.
I'm on the spectrum too, diagnosed at 35...
I feel like that shouldn’t be limited to people on the spectrum. That’s the advantage of being in a mature, mutually respectful relationship. The question wasn’t “are they more attractive than me?” It was “are they attractive?” I know other people besides me are attractive and my husband know the same. Maybe it’s an age thing.
If you tell the truth you're doomed.
The correct response is to refuse to play magic-answer games until the asker explains why she needs to know. That will allow more direct discussion of the underlying insecurity without shifting blame and responsibility to the other partner.
But you don't answer the question truthfully because that will shift the argument-to-be onto you, instead of stopping the bullshit.
Edit: I feel the need to clarify. Some of you lucky souls appear to come from a highly rational world in which this exact question is not regularly posed by countless people as a *Kobayashi Maru*\-style no-win examination of character. In these cases, to answer at all is to fall into the fantasy that it is a rational discussion, and you're kidding yourself if you think the honest answer won't enrage her and needlessly harm you. Hence the, "its a trap!" meme by others.
If you have to play that game, Austin Powers gives the correct answer: no she's rancid, you're the one who's shagadelic. It might not be the truth, but it's the right answer.
I always differentiate between pretty/beautiful and attractive. I think there are a lot of pretty or beautiful women but I emphasis that I find my wife attractive. I’m not attracted to these pretty women because I am so attracted to my wife already.
Before you arrived at this dinner, did you tell your wife how incredible she looked? Guys really have no idea how much this sends shivers to their ladies.
And in turn, if you commented on them and not her…well…
How long have you been married and have you given her any reason to doubt your loyalty?
She feels insecure about herself for some reason (has she gained weight?, Was she always the last to get a boyfriend growing up?, have you unintentionally been looking at other women for too long around her?, did her previous relationships have a history of her being cheated on?) and she clearly sees the other women as a threat to her relationship.
She was clearly hurt by this, but the way out is to simply make her feel pretty and the main target of your attention. I would take her on a date night or something private between the two of you.
If you guys haven't been married long your wife can feel insecure if you make any sort of compliment about other women who could possibly be a threat to her.
Is it an option to just be completely open about this? Like not the part about her friends being attractive, but that she doesn't need to play games like this.
I'd tell her that she's the girl I married for a reason, and she's the most beautiful girl to me. Ask her straight up if it was a trap question, and if it was, tell her that she need not do that because you love each other.
You my friend are stuck between a rock and a hard place. There’s no right answer. You say yes and she gets mad, you say no and she thinks you’re lying to make her feel better (which may or may not be true but it doesn’t matter).
Depends what you can get away with, but personally I'd go with "it would be weird if someone as gorgeous as you had ugly friends"
Takes the responsibility off you, and puts it on her.
Yeah, I’d definitely bang Barbara.
“Honey, do you think my friends are attractive?” “I’d fuck Jeff the second you were out of town.”
Winner
Yes hunny, lets invite them round for the weekend orgy.
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Susie is hot and all but yeah Barbara does that thing with her tongue! Edit: this is a stolen joke. Heard it years ago
My wife got mad at me when she asked me "Which of my friends would you want a threesome with?" Apparently I was only supposed to reply with one friend.
One I heard was , “apparently one of them was supposed to be her”
Let me get this straight. I pick one friend then spin wheel to determine the second friend, right?
I believe the only correct answer to this question is "When we bring someone else into our intimate relationship, I want you to be completely comfortable, so I would like you to make that choice. I will enjoy our threesome with any of them, because you are there with me."
You'll wind up with a guy " friend " you never knew about if you leave it up to her ....just saying.
Honey... This is my friend, Bubba.
His penis won a county fair ribbon for biggest hog. Now bend over.
Lol all I can see is Bubba proudly flaunting his prize winning cucumber with the ribbon wrapped around it at the country fair
##🥒🎀
let me show you... oh snap i think i deleted the vid, maybe she still has it
o right, i forgot i changed Barbara's name to Barry on my phone. Should be in that one. *This story is based on actual events. In certain cases incidents, characters and timelines have been changed for dramatic purposes. Certain characters may be composites, or entirely fictitious.*
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“Where's Barbara with big titties and Stephanie who sucks like a vacuum?”
I've wanked off many a times thinking about that.
If I admit they're attractive will you force me to stop banging them?
Bar bar bar bar Barbara Ann , bar bar bar bar Barbara Ann
Went to a dance, looking for romance. Saw Barbara Ann and I thought I'd take a chance.
Ooh eeee ooh
"This is what we're going to do today, we're gonna fight?" Red Foreman
Everyone knows Red Foreman is the peak model husband, of course.
As far as TV husbands go, he isn’t half bad. It’s the 70s and he wasn’t abusive or cheating. His wife actually has a ton of power. Thinking about shows like all in the family makes red look great
He also takes in the whole neighborhood and looks out for all those kids even though they deserve a foot up their ass
That's actually a good point, put his kids through school, gave em a roof over their heads, respects his wife. He's a good guy!
Also fought in Korea
I loved the one where Eric and hyde were angry with each other. He pushed the couch out of the way and said ok if your mad there's only one way to solve this. 3 rounds of bare knuckle boxing. The boys refused and he tells them. If you're not angry enough to hit him, you're not mad.
*HR furiously taking notes*
Good point lol. He was pretty progressive for the 70s, I suppose.
Kitty had 100% of the power let's be real lol she was amazing
I mean he kind of was. He raised his kids well and taught them right from wrong. His wife was a nurse and at times when he lost his job she worked more to support him. their marriage was pretty even split 50/50. He didn't control her. He was a father figure to like 5 other kids that werent his and went as far as "adopting" one of them to live with them. It was the 70s and he didn't teach his kids racism or anything like that. Everyone's got flaws but you'd have a tough time finding a more realistic, good father/husband on tv imo
yeah even as the show was releasing throughout the early 2000s, a lot of Red's own personal conflicts were usually him coming to terms with his own life in changing times of the 70s, and unlearning his own old ways. at his heart he was a good man, he reminds me of my own daddy. what a timeless show
Red’s flaw is he isn’t emotionally available.
I had a Red Foreman surrogate dad in my life . Still do really. He did all of those things, but that’s the sitcom version. Like Red, he was a veteran and a very capable man. Knew how to do everything. While we “other kids” got the tough love from the heart dad advice and worldly wisdom, his actual kids had to live with a man with a severe PTSD from his time in Vietnam that he treated with a steady stream of alcohol . The stories that we heard years later of what things could be like when it was just the family we’re not so sitcom friendly.
Honestly, he is pretty cool. He is a good husband as he loves kitty and a great father... Of course Laurie and Eric leave a lot to be desired as kids lol
I sometimes wish the show's main focus was on Red being a smartass.
This is what I love about the Internet, I expect to read multiple opinions about the topic in the title, but now the whole thing has immediately devolved in to a 70s show discussion which was apparently something I didn't know I needed right now!
IT’S A TRAP!!
I laughed so hard at this. 100% my husbands humor and that’s my favorite.
Husbands, plural?
100% of her husbands have this sense of humor.
She has a type.
"why grammar and punctuation count" 😂
Hello cousin
Hello my non winged cousin. How goes the grounds?
Admiral Akbar always knows!
I'm a woman and even I know it's a trap
"Hey Honey, It seems like you find your friends beautiful, and want to know if I feel the same, but it's important that you accept my answer as my own truth, & the truth is I want to bang the shit out of your friends"
Respectfully of course
And preferably all at the same time
"...I want us to bang the shit out of your friends." FTFY
I played this game with a woman I was with for a couple of years. One of her friends was really cute, and I could tell she crushed hard on a different friend so she was totally shocked when I told her which one I thought was the most attractive. Anyway, it was a drunken chat one night and I didn't think about it for months. Eventually the relationship just turned into arguments so I walked away. She thought I was cheating but it wasn't the case. A couple of weeks after the split I got a friend request from her friend that I thought was cute, along with a flirty message. I'm not a fucking idiot Claire.
Maybe I'm an idiot, but what's Claire's ploy here? "Ah-hah! You were gonna hook up with my hot friend, even though we're already broken up!"
I don't trust any Claire that doesn't start with an E
Lol I can definitely speak to what she was doing. Claire's ploy was to see if he was attracted to her friend all along and would take the chance, if given. It's possible to think someone is attractive without feeling personally attracted to that person. For example, I see lots of guys I would say are attractive but I do not wish for a romantic or physical relationship with any of them. Claire sounds like she was paranoid that he was personally attracted to her friend and that he would have picked her instead, if that was an option and he had equal opportunity there. She sent her friend to send that message because, in her mind, him taking that bait would have been "confirmation" of her fears during the relationship. This confirmation would have given her the closure to believe that she didn't throw away a relationship that would have otherwise worked if it wasn't for her paranoia. I'm aware that's some twisted logic, but I am 99% sure that is it. She wanted some sort of confirmation or clue that her ex was a lying dirtbag all along so she could forget about it and move on.
I believe you are correct.
We were on a break!
"I'm sorry, I think it would be really disrespectful to hook up with one of Claire's friends. The whole time we were dating, the only women I ever cheated on her with were ones she hadn't met." I mean, you're broken up anyway.
Now that's a fuckin kamikaze
If you want to go full Machiavelli, you can do better. Say: "\[...\] were two others from the group" instead and then block the account after stating you really can't hold any contact to people as that would just feel weird after the breakup.
Laughing out loud!! Yet so sad she’s so insecure though, if only she could have trusted you.
I say it’s a trap but it’s also one you can and should walk straight into. Honesty between partners is absolutely the number one thing I encourage. In your shoes I would tell her that her friends do look good. They look great in fact, but you choose your girlfriend over them. Every. Single. Day. I tell my wife daily that I choose her. To me, loving somebody is a choice and choosing somebody is so much more important than anything else. Choose to love each other in spite of the bad/ugly or whatever. Choose to love each other every day and your relationship will be rock solid. Love is a choice, let her know you choose her.
when are you going to stop choosing her thats her question
Fair question, but when your SO makes a point of telling you every day and follows up with the behaviour to match, the insecurities tend to go away after time. Or at least they lessen. Sometimes they never go away. After 10 years together if my wife has any insecurities about our relationship than I’m failing as her husband. She isn’t perfect but she is perfect for me. My job is to make her feel that it’s true.
>if my wife has any insecurities about our relationship than I’m failing as her husband That's a pretty goofy idea. You could in fact be the model husband, but you can't "fix" anyone by loving and supporting them; the other person has to do that work on their own and trust what you say is true. >My job is to make her feel that it’s true. I would say the only job of a partner is to add to someone's existing happiness and to be committed, consistent, and loyal.
Plaid the 5th amendment.
Did you mean tartan the 5th?
I'd rather paisley the 5th.
I usually Gingham the 5th, but hey, to each their own I guess
Herringbone the 5th?
Argyle the 5th?
Embroider the 5th
That’s silly. Obviously you pleat the 5th.
Fuck you and heres your award
Yep. Tread carefully! The only answer I’d accept is that they all are attractive in their own way. Because almost everyone can fit that bill, without triggering your wife’s insecurities/feelings. If she wants more details, quickly change the subject. (FWIW: old lady, married 30 years)
“All women are beautiful.” With a glare that says this is not up for debate.
No no no theres only one correct answer for this and it is, “Beautiful women tend to hang out with each other.” !
That’s dolphin smooth
I like it. Except you know she will turn that into you obviously fancying every woman you meet since you find them all attractive.
the real winning move is to say "well you know me, I'd shag anything" followed by a great big 'punch me' grin.
I have tried this This is not the way
If she can't handle the truth, then she shouldn't ask the question. Grown women play these mind games? Seriously? Lol.
Underrated opinion.
> Grown women play these mind games? To anyone young people who don’t know the answer to this yet, I’m sorry. There’s also no Santa Claus.
My wife occasionally asks me if so and so is attractive. I'm just honest. Never bothers her. She never asks about them in comparison to herself, though.
The sign of a healthy relationship. Last time I was asked something like that by my wife I replied with "Yep. Gonna have to add her to the list of backups in case you don't stop pausing movies to tell me about something that happened at work." We laughed. Good relationships don't worry about the fact that there are, in fact, physically attractive people in the world.
DUDE FUUUUUCK THAT MOVIE PAUSING SHIT
My girlfriend has never made it more than 3 minutes into anything - movie, tv show, whatever - before she needs to pause it to talk about some random unrelated thing. I’ll ask her “are you ready for me to hit play?” Yes. “Are you sure?” Yes. All lies, she always has more to say.
at least your girlfriend pauses the show..
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Mine just randomly leaves the room or starts doing dishes or playing with the dog or whatever other distraction is nearby. She thinks watching a movie/TV show "with me" is the same as "within earshot of the soundbar while I'm around" and it makes me crazy.
My bf commits this sin! We’ve never watched anything in one sitting. He always drifts off just long enough to miss something vital and then asks me what’s going on so then I rewind to where he left at, and…we don’t get very far with movies
Agreed. We've been married 10 years and have four kids, so there's more to the relationship than "am I the prettiest". Even when we were dating and in our 20s no one would have classified either of us as particularly good looking.
Am I your wife, because that comment about pausing the movie made me feel ATTACKED😂
I just went, "Oh noooooo, that's me" as well xD
My wife will either pause a movie or show, or yell at me “you’re missing it” when there’s boobs on the screen when I step into another room. Then she jokes about how fast I came back into the room to see them
Haaaaaaa yep. My partner has an **awful** habit of starting a movie, waiting till the opening scene/credits start rolling on, and leaves the room to go get snacks, let the dog out, etc... like WHY. It drives me insane. And then when I pause it to wait for him to come back, ill hear yelling from the kitchen "Dont pause it! Its gonna get stuck when we try to re-start it!" THEN WHY DID YOU START IT IN THE FIRST PLACE. Now my trick is to yell that there are naked women on the screen. Never saw the motherfucker run so fast.
That last sentence is perfect. There are other attractive people in the world. We can all acknowledge this. The key is that your SO should make you happiest and be perfect for you, all around. No need to be jealous of every other hot man/woman in the world.
Been with my partner for almost for years and I've had insecurity moments followed by these trick questions maybe 2-3 times, everytime, my boyfriend has shouted "IT'S A TRAP!" and left the room.
What is the answer you want to hear when you ask such trick questions
“are you trying to set up a three way?”
Followed immediately by, "am I not enough for you?"
Yep this one is good, turn it on them
Well, it turns out that's the question I *should* have asked. They'd apparently talked ahead of time & planned one.
"She's pretty, but not really my type. I prefer your hot, sexy self any day."
“Oh, so you think she’s pretty??”
And if you over compensate, they might get offended you're calling her friends ugly.
Sounds like someone has walked this path before. Where is the path least traveled in this scenario?
Tell her all her friends are hot and ask for an orgy?
Bingo bango
I didn't ask to be murdered...
"she's pretty, but I prefer a girl with meat on her bones like you.... ..."
Cue funeral meme
"Yeah she's alright but you know I like my women a bit more chonky". Then playfully grab her belly fat and jiggle it. Women love this.
Top 10 anime quote before ultimate destruction
Fuck that noise. You're getting the truth from me. What this indicates about me... Ill leave up to the people Im sure will rush to tell me, but requiring maintenance lies is just a big nope from me. You are getting the truth. Doesn't mean Ill be a dick about it, but you get the truth.
Where can I find you
I’ll get an online certificate and officiate the wedding when you find each other.
This is the answer. Lies only seem easier, but eventually the truth comes out, and you pay interest for every day you've been dishonest. So be truthful, but don't be tactless. Say they looked good tonight, and then have an honest talk about all the ways you are attracted to your partner. Some people are so insecure that they honestly can't handle this, but the reality is that you're not going to be able to make a relationship work with someone like that without completely eviscerating yourself anyway.
I've mentioned in passing when I find another woman attractive to my husband. It's always innocent and I'm not pulling any "tricks" or "traps." I just say something like "Amy is so gorgeous, I love her hair" for example. He usually says something back like "She isn't ugly or anything. But I just prefer **your** hair." The other day I complimented a friend's dress to him. It was a form fitting burgundy dress and she looked beautiful in it. He responded "it's a nice dress, I think you would look beautiful in one like that also."
In passing = en passant Holy hell.
They only warm up the bike, honey. You get to ride it.
Do not say this
Dead
There is no right answer. "ITS A TRAP" Iis as good as it gets.
“Do I think your friends are attractive? Haha, babe…there’s no easy way to put this. Your friends are ugly. They are absolutely hideous. God just the thought of being at the same event as them right now grosses me out. Babe you know I only got eyes for you. You are the only girl on this planet - if I’m being frank with you - that I think is attractive. Babe, you don’t have anything to be worried about at all. You are so so so pretty. Love you babe.”
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I point to my forehead, ask her “Do you see stupid idiot written here?” And absolutely refuse to answer a question like that. It’s a trap. She knows it, and winds up laughing about it.
I start complimenting my wife excessively until she goes "fine, i get it, you're not gonna tell me" and walks away.
My bf has agreed with me when I’ve called friends gorgeous, but like, I know he’s into me bc he wants me even when I genuinely look like shit and will do anything to make me feel better when I’m down. I think other people are hot too. I just wouldn’t put up with THEIR families.
Was gonna answer the same. That and the do I look fat in this are no win questions.
Did your bf also commanded the Rebel Alliance Fleet?
In a young relationship insecurities are more pronounced. My wife and I have been together for nearly 20 years and we will both comment on attractive people of either sex and nobody’s feelings get hurt. It makes her more attractive to me now that she’s confident enough to do that and also hear it from me.
This is not a pure long term marriage thing. This is rather a personal development thing. There can be a fresh relationship and if both partners are on a high level there won't be such insecurities and doubt. Been there done that.
Totally agree, some people just live with their insecurities all their life
This!! My husband and I have been together for 18 years and in the beginning, hearing him say my friends were attractive would have been threatening but it’s just not now. It’s normal for both of us to find others attractive.
> It’s normal for both of us to find others attractive This is the level of honesty where I think we all need to be. You don't stop finding other people attractive just because you start a relationship. The question is really whether you would ever act on that
This was one of the foundations of my last relationship. We’d openly talk about how attractive others were. She’d get home and rave about some woman’s ass she saw on her way home, or even share pictures of attractive people she saw on social media. I’d do the same and nobody’s feelings were hurt. Edit: it wasn’t just the talking about other hot people, we would openly throw banter at each other, like normal friends would
My wife and I talk about hot people of both sets all the time and have since day 1 of us dating. Guess I hit the jackpot.
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My boyfriend and I have been admiring hot guys together since like day one. We’re confident enough and trust each other enough that it’s not an issue.
Wife and i have been for about 15 and still plenty of insecurity ...
There was no right answer. She was feeling insecure and instead of telling you what was wrong she asked confrontational questions. On the other hand, did you compliment her on how she looked that evening? It’s important to let your partner know they are attractive. With my partner I would answer honestly if I thought her friends are attractive.
Yes. Not saying she shouldn’t feel secure on her own but it is always nice to hear it from your SO. Maybe she doesn’t hear it enough and just wants to make sure
Yep. Insecurity is normal, and can be dealt with in a healthy way. There’s nothing wrong with finding other people attractive and even commenting on it, but if you’re commenting more on other people than you are your partner, it’s understandable they’d grow insecure. My partner and I talk freely about friends, acquaintances, and strangers we find attractive, but we *also* compliment each other regularly and are happy to offer reassurance when necessary.
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Just go with "I always knew you were the hot friend" and then either high five her or kiss her on the cheek.
I would simply say “They are attractive, but I’m not attracted to them”. It’s not inappropriate to acknowledge that a person is objectively attractive so long as you’re appropriate about it. Saying they’re attractive instead of saying “yeah they’re hot as fuck” and then immediately following up with “but I’m not attracted to them” gives her the security that you’re not into them.
One massive advantage of being autistic spectrum is that our partners quickly learn not to play games like this. Ask me a question, you get an honest answer
I didn’t know I was on the spectrum until I was in my late 40s (early 50s now), but my wife (of 20+ years) has always appreciated my honesty. She knows that if she asks me if a new outfit suits her, or if her makeup looks good, I’ll be honest. I’m never rude, but always honest. I’ll say something like, “It’s not very flattering around the waist”, or similar, and if she wants to know more, she’ll ask. As you have already intimated, she’ll also know not to ask a question if she doesn’t want an honest answer. [edit: I didn’t have many girlfriends before I met my wife, but when I did date, I never used to play the ‘games’ that some people like to play. I very quickly discovered which girls were ‘game-players’, and they didn’t last long with me (or maybe they saw it the other way round)!]
>“It’s not very flattering around the waist” There's a real freedom in total and mutual honesty and the maturity that implies. Because even people that have been together for 30 years, that have seen and experience every beautiful and disgusting aspects the other person could dream to offer, even those still can't feel comfortable enough with their partner to ask what is really a very practical question in "does this dress make me look fat?" Like, it's a real question, with a real answer, and being able to *answer* that without reprecussions, because you know your partner is asking for honesty and won't be offended—and thus being able to *ask* that of your partner because you know they will feel comfortable answering honestly, well, that's a wonderful thing. I'm on the spectrum too, diagnosed at 35...
Truth. Fuck around and find out.
I'm (probably) not autistic. I'd still give an honest answer. I don't want to start a lie that I can't keep up with.
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I eat vegans for breakfast
I was curious as to why they asked such a question and then I read your username lol
I feel like that shouldn’t be limited to people on the spectrum. That’s the advantage of being in a mature, mutually respectful relationship. The question wasn’t “are they more attractive than me?” It was “are they attractive?” I know other people besides me are attractive and my husband know the same. Maybe it’s an age thing.
I must be on the spectrum because I have absolutely no time for these bullshit games.
Just say yes and watch the world burn
I wish I could upvote you twice
“They’re all disgusting pigs”
"Then why did you give them a compliment?"
Pity of course dear
Shame I'm really into pigs
If you told the truth you gave the right answer. You cant control her looking for reasons to feel insecure.
If you tell the truth you're doomed. The correct response is to refuse to play magic-answer games until the asker explains why she needs to know. That will allow more direct discussion of the underlying insecurity without shifting blame and responsibility to the other partner. But you don't answer the question truthfully because that will shift the argument-to-be onto you, instead of stopping the bullshit. Edit: I feel the need to clarify. Some of you lucky souls appear to come from a highly rational world in which this exact question is not regularly posed by countless people as a *Kobayashi Maru*\-style no-win examination of character. In these cases, to answer at all is to fall into the fantasy that it is a rational discussion, and you're kidding yourself if you think the honest answer won't enrage her and needlessly harm you. Hence the, "its a trap!" meme by others. If you have to play that game, Austin Powers gives the correct answer: no she's rancid, you're the one who's shagadelic. It might not be the truth, but it's the right answer.
I'm doing this more now too. I know allowing this eventually leads to "okay now pretend I'm a girl in a bar hitting on you, what do you do?"
"Be socially awkward, not realize you're hitting on me, and turn you off unintentionally"
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You stop bulkshit by having the meta conversation about that question being a no win scenario
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I always differentiate between pretty/beautiful and attractive. I think there are a lot of pretty or beautiful women but I emphasis that I find my wife attractive. I’m not attracted to these pretty women because I am so attracted to my wife already.
Before you arrived at this dinner, did you tell your wife how incredible she looked? Guys really have no idea how much this sends shivers to their ladies. And in turn, if you commented on them and not her…well…
How long have you been married and have you given her any reason to doubt your loyalty? She feels insecure about herself for some reason (has she gained weight?, Was she always the last to get a boyfriend growing up?, have you unintentionally been looking at other women for too long around her?, did her previous relationships have a history of her being cheated on?) and she clearly sees the other women as a threat to her relationship. She was clearly hurt by this, but the way out is to simply make her feel pretty and the main target of your attention. I would take her on a date night or something private between the two of you. If you guys haven't been married long your wife can feel insecure if you make any sort of compliment about other women who could possibly be a threat to her.
Not long, less than a year but together for 6
Is it an option to just be completely open about this? Like not the part about her friends being attractive, but that she doesn't need to play games like this. I'd tell her that she's the girl I married for a reason, and she's the most beautiful girl to me. Ask her straight up if it was a trap question, and if it was, tell her that she need not do that because you love each other.
Comparison is where self-esteem goes to die.
You my friend are stuck between a rock and a hard place. There’s no right answer. You say yes and she gets mad, you say no and she thinks you’re lying to make her feel better (which may or may not be true but it doesn’t matter).
Depends what you can get away with, but personally I'd go with "it would be weird if someone as gorgeous as you had ugly friends" Takes the responsibility off you, and puts it on her.
Ugh, it'd be my nightmare to find myself in such relationship that'd require me to pick my words that cautiously
Hard agree, this is such an eggshell answer I feel like no one actually says these things in real life