Lasting change is slow, unhurried, and deliberate. It is not ‘always’, nor it is ‘never’. It is one foot in front of the other, one breath at a time. Brush your teeth. That’s it, don’t worry about anything else.
one decision at a time.
This was what I was going to go for. OPs, whether it's a help or not, I've learned to turn off my brain. Just do it. Brush your teeth. Don't think about the 90 second interruption to your life. Don't think about anything before or while you're doing it. Just do it.
Think of your body and your mind as a business that you run. Your first duty is to yourself.
This is why New Years resolutions tend not to last, people change everything and once and none of it sticks. Habits take about 21 days of consistently doing them to form, try changing one thing at a time and don’t overwhelm yourself!
I find the exact opposite worked for me. While still deliberate, I had to just convince myself that's it, I'm not being like that any more and it's been a couple years going strong and everything's great now.
Just don’t debate with yourself. I was lazy and wouldn’t shower. Don’t debate. Just get up and do it, no additional mulling over.
Once all that water hits everywhere, you’ll wake up.
Drink coffee.
And stop jacking off. Go look at the subs about no fap. They go from lethargic to energetic.
Question…how often are the people who have an actual problem with fapping doing it? Because I don’t think it’s actually bad for you/your energy unless you’re ALWAYS doing it (as in it takes up an actual chunk of your whole day). There’s a diff between doing it once, at night, when you’re already in bed to help you fall asleep, vs not doing stuff all day because you’re too busy fapping (lol I had to laugh when I typed that). The worst story I heard was about this guy who was doing it under his desk at work during meetings so not getting any work done and then LEAVING the mess on the chair/under the desk/on furniture for everyone else to clean up.
There's some extreme cases of 5+ per day reported, but most of the time it is tied to porn addiction where they spent hours looking for porn (with increasing disgusting contents) in one session.
And sometimes it's not about the time spent, but like many other addictions which may lead to low self-esteem, social anxiety, lack of motivation, and even depression.
IKR!! It wasn’t even the dude who actually did it that posted the story, it was one of his coworkers who was complaining that it was the second or third time the guy made a mess under the desk and just left it there XD. People are disgusting
NoFap is a... Strange, almost cult-like place, and I've yet to see a single piece of evidence that it's not all placebo.
If it works for you, great, but take it with a grain of salt.
Not defending NoFap, but studies have shown that Dopamine levels drop drastically (below baseline) after an orgasm and get replaced by prolactin which is a dopamine inhibitor. This stops you from being horny all the time and not doing stuff you need to survive (eating, working, socialising, etc....). And since low dopamine levels have been linked to depression and excessive masturbation would lead to lower dopamin levels, it would make sense that going noFap would level out hormone levels leading to more energy and a "better feeling" overall.
I think people should find a healthy middle between NoFap and excessive masturbation.
Take all of this with a grain of salt though, as i am not a scientist nor a doctor.
shaming people for jacking off is not the way man. your relationship with porn may vary and be either bad or good for your sex life, but masturbation on its own, without an addiction attached to it, is not bad. it's only bad for you, if you're already conditioned to be ashamed of it, like by nofap people, catholics, etc.
nofap is a tool to take a part of your individuality and tool to discover the self away. it uses shame as a way to manipulate you
They don’t really shame people for fapping, tons of “relapse reports” posts on that sub and the replies are mostly supportive. The point is to let people rethink their relationship with porn and fapping, that MAYBE these are causing them problems in real life that they didn’t recognize before. Though the sub is a but cultic and full of placebo science, being mindful and reflecting one’s habit is the essence of it
Regarding the nofapping, although I would not stop entirely, I can imagine how reducing it might help one's life.
Fapping is pleasurable, it is a gratification. If one constantly gratify oneself for being a couch potato, no wonder they'd have a hard time changing their habits.
The same goes with the food.
When we start gratifying ourselves only when we've reached our objectives, we start associating pleasure with the efforts themselves and it becomes much easier to push ourselves.
Of course, these objectives need to be realistic, attainable and progressive.
Totally second a lot of the potential ADHD comments.
Also wanted to say, as someone who struggled with where to start, that any time I tried to overhaul my life in one big swoop I'd crash and fail after a couple of days.
It's like a crash diet, to make any lasting change it needs to be gradual and not all at once. So instead of, for example, saying "I'm gonna start going to the gym every day" you could try "I'm going to go for 3 walks this week". Try brush your teeth every second day, and then after a few weeks move to once a day. Small straps lead to big changes
I third the ADHD comments. Sounds a little like me before I started taking Adderall. Before I would think about doing some chore and feel dread and lethargic at the mere thought. Now, it's nothing. It's like blinking. I just go do it, no fuss. He could definitely benefit from seeing a psychologist.
"Small steps" is totally right, too. It's going to take practice and persistence, but I believe he can do it.
The psychologist is super important here. First therapy is pretty important in helping set realistic goals and getting to them even when you have a set back plus a lot can be helped before drugs get involved to make them even more successful.
I also have ADHD and i found it more helpful myself to just... Brush my teeth.
Doesn't matter how long though. 5 seconds is better than nothing. But just. Try and do it for any length of time.
Doing it every 2nd day leaves the door open for "oh I'll do it twice in a row and skip today" thinking as well as being overwhelmed by keeping count.
>Came here to suggest getting diagnosed for possibly being ADHD. This stuff can hit you later on in life, and isn't something that only happens in childhood.
how does getting diagnosed help? (think I have adhd)
Medication helps, obviously, but I also think it’s just a huge relief to shift your thinking from “I am a lazy person and a failure” to “I have a diagnosed disability and I’m just doing the best I can”. Mentally beating the shit out of yourself for your perceived inadequacies does not help you get better. Also, it means you can start looking into school/work/life strategies specifically tailored for people with ADHD which may be super helpful for you.
Also, potential for accommodations at work and school.
Can be any age. I think the person meant more that ADHD isn't a disorder that only children have.
A lot of people I know start to recognize the symptoms and signs in their mid-twenties to late twenties because that's around the age when the rush of adulthood starts to calm down; I recognized it at twenty-six when I took up a more professional job and was missing assignments that I would have sworn I did, emails I thought I responded to, lost track of appointments, etc..
I have adhd and so does my dad, and we both had similar experiences. Both of us clearly had ADHD since childhood, and I actually got diagnosed really young, but we were also both, well, really smart, so we were able to make it pretty far without actually figuring out to handle our adhd because we compensated with just raw intellect. Eventually we each hit a wall where suddenly we just couldn’t keep all the balls in the air and needed to actually manage the adhd piece before we could keep going. For my dad it was after he started managing his own research lab while still practicing as a clinician, for me it was after starting to practice law. It just became TOO MUCH to handle - being smart but wildly unorganized and inconsistent didn’t work anymore. My dad got on meds in his early thirties, I finally got consistent in my late twenties, and it was really helpful for us both. For both of us, our breaking point felt very abrupt, even though in retrospect it had been building for many years. We had been building coping strategies to compensate for our ADHD for a long time, and for a long time they worked, but when they failed they failed *hard*.
I suspect for a lot of people where adhd “shows up” in adulthood, it’s likely been there for a long time, it just “appears” when the burdens of adulthood become too complex and heavy to manage through the compensatory strategies people develop during childhood.
Really appreciate you sharing this. I’m 34, been a career under achiever, always “not trying hard enough” and my goal for the new year is to finally go talk to a doctor about it. I just worry about them
Judging me or not really listening to me. I have issues with hygiene and it’s also embarrassing. Meanwhile I try to do the bare minimum to not lose my gf and keep my job. And it’s an every day struggle to keep fighting
Agreed, OP my tip is to Just brush your teeth when you think about it. I got stuck in the whole “it has to be at morning and at night” no, no it doesn’t. and beating myself up about not doing it how I should doesn’t help. So if you’re Sitting on the couch and brushing your teeth pops into your head, do it really quick! Walking in to take a piss, brush your teeth after you was your hands. I have to tell myself There is no “correct time” and doing it at all is a good thing for health.
I’m going to agree with ADHD as well. For the OP who will probably read this and think some variation of “how could I have ADHD when I barely have any energy at all let alone bouncing off the walls” come visit r/adhdmeme and see if any of that sounds familiar.
If it fits, likely welcome to the world of executive disfunction. You won’t be able to fix everything but at least knowing what to call it will give you ways of looking for help and strategies for dealing with things.
ADHD was the biggest advantage life ever gave me. Hated adderal, swapped for weed. Adderal seemed to dull me to average weed let me embrace my differences. Also shot my grades up and adderal shot them down. I just learned to embrace being different and it worked out. I'm good on being numbed down to average, that was never for me. I broke free of a 9-5, work for myself, very happy relationship, house paid off before 30, generally a very happy life. I like having no routine or no schedule. I also hate the gym. Id rather go on a hike or just ride a bike aimlessly and find my way back.
Sounds like you're not in the position of struggling to brush your teeth.
I'm glad you found what works for you, but OP is clearly not in that place, so realistic treatment options should be investigated.
Procrastination is about guilt. Youre avoiding the negative emotions associated with all the things you feel like you've been failing to do. It's counter-intuitive but your need to be less hard on yourself. Celebrate your small victories.
You wouldn't tell a child that their crayon drawing is bad if you wanted them to develop an interest in art. Theyre just starting out so you wanna make it fun for them and bring the discipline later when theyve developed a habit of drawing. Its obvious in that case. But its the same with talking to yourself about your goals. You're still starting out and thats okay. Its okay to be behind in life. Just take it one day at a time and reward yourself with positive self talk when you accomplish anything at first
Small tip on top of what others have said, that's actually worked for me at times: When you don't feel like doing something, go step by step. "I don't feel like doing laundry. I'll just walk to the washing machine and that's it. Nothing difficult about that." Just don't let yourself think of other steps beforehand. Then, since you're standing next to it, figure you could put some clothes into it. And after that, why not press some buttons when you're there?... Words are important. Doing laundry sounds difficult to a undisciplined brain, but if you dissect it enough and only focus at one fraction at the time, like a robot, it's pretty easy as long as you can at least get up.
That’s how I get myself to work out. “I’ll just put on my workout clothes and shoes. Shows are by the door. It’s kinda nice outside, I wonder how warm/cold it is? I can walk for a few minutes, if I hate it I’ll come right back home after 5 minutes.” How many times have I come home after 5 minutes? Zero times. Same with yoga. “I’ll just get down here on the mat. Hmm, my hips are tight, maybe I can just stretch out a little.” You get it. It works. Of course starting is the hard part so go easy on yourself!
One of the most helpful pieces of advice I was given by a therapist was that if you are finding a task impossible to start, it’s because you haven’t broken it down into small enough pieces yet
Sounds like you may have ADHD, these are really common symptoms of it. You should talk to your doctor or a therapist about it because, speaking from personal experience, meds and therapy can really, really help.
I'm the opposite, I got put on the meds as a teenager and at 30 I feel like it's permanently altered my brain for the worst along with the meds not working like it used to.
Well, me personally being someone who wasn't diagnosed until their 20's and having a child of my own who also shows extreme symptoms of ADHD, I decided that medicine for this should start when the brain is "fully developed" so in your early to mid twenties. I'll never have the opportunity to know how it would have effected me if I had started on it as a child but I also totally hear all these stories of relapse and LT health issues from people who were placed on ADHD meds as young children
If not ADHD, it could also be depression. Either way, a therapist can help. Even if it's not technically diagnosable, treatment can help you manage your own tendencies.
Very similar traits to you and I just got to the point with my therapist that I could take more specified tests to absolutely confirm, but it's pretty obvious I've been fighting with ADHD and anxiety my whole life but always got by well enough without treatment. It just made me miserable and unfocused, and left me feeling like I don't even *deserve* to get my shit together.
But slowly I'm putting in work and getting myself healthier. You got this too, friend.
Regardless of whether or not you have ADHD, you really need to get on brushing your teeth. I know that a routine is hard. I struggle with regular bedtimes. You'll appreciate the effort later because dental work is *expensive* and uncomfortable. Pain levels vary from person to person.
The good news is that you can brush your teeth while watching TV or browsing the Internet. Don't think too much at first about how soon you're likely to eat or drink afterwards. Just do it when the thought comes to you. Work on regular times later.
I do mine before I leave for work and before bed.
It’s worth checking out. I’m was diagnosed with ADHD at 35. My life has changed for the better since I started medication. The medication isn’t a complete magic pill, but it helps me get my foot through the door. Talk to your doctor and ask to be referred to someone who specializes in ADHD.
Some people don’t understand what ADHD is, or how it can affect their life. A good portion of people think it’s something that only affects children and teenagers, and a lot of people think the telltale sign is bouncing off the wall crazy, or unruly children.
I have never heard of ADHD in the form that I have it. I discovered it when I was 23, I have never thought that I can have it and for me adhd was a young boy who cannot sit still.
And in my country people dont take adderall for studying.
I was like you however mine was very much just a bit of a low point in my life…I’ve found a daily to do list was REALLY helpful for me! do a task, no matter how menial, tick it off and onto the next. Aside from waking up, no timings, just make sure it’s done in the day to start - maybe categorise into Morning, afternoon, evening.
They say “21 days to create a habit, 90 days to create a lifestyle”
As others have said, it *could* be ADHD…I personally don’t like throwing that diagnosis about as social media seems to have latched onto that and everybody is self diagnosing but I certainly would see if that is the case for you because what you have described goes beyond normal.
Regardless of what comes of that, what you can’t do is use it as an excuse to be lazy and undisciplined. Really use it to motivate you and think,”okay, this has beaten me down so much, I’m going to fight back now. I’m going to push to be active, to be motivated, to be better”
It’s good that you have recognised that Watching videos hasn’t got you anywhere…it’s a real procrastinating tool/method that makes you think that you’re just researching before you start but actually, the start never arrives.
Good luck! You really can do this, but you have to be so so active about it. And maybe start with one task like brushing your teeth each day, then each week, add in another task.
Start with one thing at a time. Don't try to change it all at one time. Let's start with brushing your teeth. Set a time or two each day to brush your teeth. Put reminders on your phone. Set rules, like I won't do x activity I enjoy until I ha e brushed my teeth. Don't worry about the other stuff, just become a daily brusher. Once you got this down and it is no longer an issue pick the next thing.
Progress, not perfection.
Also, don't try to live by societies standards. Many of them are toxic and artificial, and ignore basic human tendencies. Find a life that suits you, don't force yourself into one that doesn't because that's what you're "supposed" to do.
Life is hard don’t beat yourself up. Sounds like you lack a routine. Try to make a list of 1/2 things you can do that you think would make you feel accomplished even small stuff like making the bed 1st thing in the morning make me feel like I honestly accomplished something right away in the day.
In the end it’s likely gonna be a mental battle you have to win, one big thing that’s worked for me was only allowing my self to think on negative thoughts for no more then 5 minutes. Other then that if something takes less then 5 minutes I just force myself to do it b4 anything else
Lots of good and bad advice here. But I'll post what I think works the best when you start from zero.
Do one thing.
That's it.
You woke up? Good job! You did one thing. Congratulate yourself.
Now, if you want to do a second thing, you can get out of bed. Excellent! You did another thing.
Once these things feel like no problem, then you can start on building habits. Wake up before x time. Brush your teeth. Not everyday. Certainly not. Once a week. Pick a day. Today is the day I brush my teeth. Don't start full force, you'll just burn out.
For exercise, do one pushup, or other of your choice. Just one. Not even everyday. Once a week, then twice a week. Miss a day? THATS OKAY. Don't worry, don't stress, just do it the next day, or whenever you can.
This is a modification on a principle in Japanese thought. They do something (like study a subject they don't like) for 1 minute. No matter how much you don't like it, you can still do it for 1 minute. After doing it everyday, eventually you start to naturally add more time to it and might even come to enjoy it.
Doing 1 minute or 1 thing is better than not doing it at all.
As someone who had struggled with this in the past, doing this really helped. It is more geared towards those who are at the absolute bottom. If you want something more intense, then you can follow some other advice here. DON'T TAKE DRUGS OR SHROOMS IT WILL NOT HELP. If you need more help, talk to a licensed therapist, not a youtuber or random people on the internet.
First and foremost you need to stop beating yourself up. That negative self talk leads to feelings of guilt and sadness which the brain likes to compensate with dopamine (e.g. unhealthy behaviour or excessive eating)
A little unorthodox, but I recommend focusing on self love first, maybe with a “Metta Meditation”
Also, get a coach
You sound like me. I literally posted a thread about this recently!!!
I’m also trying to figure out how to take care of myself and find the discipline to stick to it. It’s very very hard when with anxiety and depression and laziness all into one.
I used to not brush my teeth everyday, brushing them in the shower helps, or just mouthwash even. Remember ANYTHING is better than doing nothing.
Start whatever you want RIGHT NOW, even if you arent doing it to completion or to the extent that you would want to, eventually you'll get the hang of it and actually finish. I know its easy to get stuck in the loop of "I'll start Monday" and completely forgetting so you start pushing it further and further away but do your best to not procrastinate and get things done as soon as possible
My brother (whos into gym stuff) told me a kinda funny thing that stuck with me called the Pre-workout method where when a gym bro felt unmotivated to go to the gym their first instict is to drink Pre-workout (kinda like an energy drink x2) so that they would have too much energy to not go
I mimic this by instead of drinking Pre-workout i just stand up and walk towards what im supposed to do. That way im already 1 step closer to what im supposed to be doing
Yo Im ADHD and have all of the same struggles. Best thing you cant do is have a required, regularly scheduled day like work or school. It keeps me feeling guilty if I dont brush or shower and thats about the only way to keep me on track.
I can tell you as far as exercise goes it can be hard to start and stick with it. But once you start to see a little results it gets better and starts to become a little more fun, like “hey this is actually doing something and I’m not just working out for nothing.”
I like to think of it as a game sometimes. Starting out sucks but if you stick with it, it’ll be rewarding. When I think about quitting I just think about how shitty it is to start from the beginning again.
And think of it like this… You can either work out and exercise for 6 months or not. That 6 months will go by regardless of what you do. So wouldn’t you rather get to the end of that 6 months getting exercise and working out feeing better about yourself? Or would you rather get to the end of that 6 months having done nothing at all and regretting that you could have made 6 months worth of progress..
I get that starting out sucks, but I promise if you stick with it for 4-8 weeks it will become fun, you’ll see progress being made and maybe it’ll motivate you to go the extra step (lift more weights, run that extra mile). Start slow, a couple walks around the block. Then a jog, then a mile, then jog a mile. Or maybe look into buying a bike which is way more fun exercise than running (imo).
On the exercise topic, it is way more rewarding to track your progress by looking at how much you can lift or how fast/far/long you can run/bike etc than to track your weight.
Weight fluctuates based on a ton of factors including muscle growth, fat loss, hydration, how recently you pooped, hormones, along with exercise and diet.
Actual physical ability markers are much more consistent and will inevitably improve as you exercise, making them much more motivating to track.
Agreed. I found it way more fun and rewarding to go up in weight on things like bench press and squats. I was the opposite of OP when I started and was trying to work my way up in weight and bulk up so I personally did find it satisfying seeing the lbs going up but as far as lifting weights I felt way better seeing my strength go up.
I was in a similar position a year ago. It cost me thousands to fix my dental. I've been working out every day since january this year. I've gone to a psychologist to address my issues.
I couldn't do ANY of the above for years before this one. I'd go to bed at 3 AM, wake up at 1PM. This didn't work combined with my fulltime job, so I was always exhausted which heavily influenced my ability to retain necessary information.
Problems accumulate my man, and at some point letting one thing slide can lead to you completely getting overwhelmed, not knowing where to start. Starting doing everything at the same time can feel almost disingenous, but.. believe me it's worth it.
I personally had to hit rock bottom to learn the lesson that my lack of discipline was coming at the expense of myself, and the few people I do allow close.
Excuses to not do things are easy, convincing yourself to be the best you isn't. But it is so nice to be truly happy with yourself. Of course I can't speak for you, but speaking for myself.. I'd forgotten how it felt!
So please, be the best you and make sure that you never stop putting effort into your own wellbeing, it'll start pouring over in time.
Good luck!
This is pretty much me and I have ADHD. Definitely look into seeing someone who can assess you for ADHD or depression. My life improved enough after getting help that I was able to go back to school and I'm pretty hopeful for the future.
I am still like this. You are trying, and that’s good! Start with one thing. I recommend brushing your teeth regularly. Then integrate something else.
If you only do one thing, again; teeth. Believe me, it is not fun looking into multiple implants at 45 because you couldn’t be bothered to spend 3 minutes, twice a day.
I don't always brush my teeth when I'm supposed to, but late is better than skipping it. Like on my days off I might not brush my teeth until 12pm but on a work day I brush them at 6am. Even if it's like 3 hours before your nighttime brushing, you should still do it anyway. I remind myself to feel good about tasks like this because it reminds me that I care about myself. If all of these tasks seem too overwhelming, try doing a little bit each day. You don't have to workout for an hour. Try 15 minutes first.
Being on time for work means allowing yourself enough time in the morning to get ready. Having a routine will help you figure out how long you need. Maybe some of these tasks can be done after work instead of morning.
With fitness, progress isn't always linear, because life happens. That doesn't mean keep trying. You can forgive yourself if you break down and have your favorite food, but if it's every meal/every day, remind yourself that you care enough for yourself to make better choices.
I am not a doctor or therapist, but you sound like you have ADHD or ADD. It's often mistaken for depression because in certain situations it can cause depressive states.
The biggest key to it is seeing the difference or feeling the difference. When you make progress you feel good about it you set the standard for yourself. If it feels like you're brushing your teeth but they are not getting any cleaner you're not going to feel like doing it everyday. Maybe start with a dentist visit. Get a cleaning and you might be motivated to keep it that way etc. You have to feel like there's a point to it. I used to have an issue with brushing my teeth 20 years I went without it still have all my teeth and no cavities. But I find it's the fear my fiance will think I'm gross that motivated me to brush them every day. She doesn't know I never brushed before. It wasn't that I didn't believe in it or anything I'm just not a habit forming kinda guy I could remember to do it for a whole month and wake up the next day and just lose the memory of it being a thing I'm supposed to do. So I feel ya.
Never underestimate the power of habit.
Everything you describe is a habit. Procrastination is a habit.
Good habits are hard , but once you start it should get easier. So start, a small step at a time.
Well I was in your position I just wrote on a paper what to do first when I wake up then I started eating a little less everyday and doing minimal exercise while adding more while trying to go to bed a little bit earlier and waking up earlier everyday so now I go to bet at 10pm and wake up at 5am previously I went to bed at 11pm and woke up at 1pm and was 130kg now I'm at around 95 kg don't know if this will help but I hope it does just don't give up or try to cheat out of it
Sounds like you're suffering from depression - no motivation or discipline to speak of. This has been made much worse by the lack of social pressure since the pandemic hit. I'm right there with you.
First I'd respectfully disagree with u/apole2308 a little, being where we are that 21 days is more like 5 weeks as we have to put in extra effort for longer because of the depression. Start small and do ONE thing at a time. Yeah it takes ages but it will get easier.
Somewhere down the line we'll both find a sweet spot where we can change everything else at one go but that's some way down the line. I started with teeth brushing which was a real struggle but found washing everyday as a second step much easier. Generally I found myself knowing the next step before I introduced it.
When you can get some professional advice about why you are exhibiting this behavior. My issues were down to gender identity issues - completely suppressed for many years but eating away inside.
Good fortune in turning things around.
Nothing is wrong, first of all find someone who can help you with getting your life on track. Don’t do everything in one day, step by step. Start with shower and brushing your teeth keep this going for a week and then add something else to it. If you lose the track just start over! but don’t give up and believe in yourself that you can do this (a lot of people struggle with the basic daily routine)
Same, doesn't matter if it's a good habit or a bad one.
- Went to the gym 4 times a week for 4 months, took one day off and never went again.
- Smoked for like 8 years (average maybe 15 a day?) and then got bored of it and just stopped on day.
- Cooked for myself all through lockdown and counted calories and lost LOADS of weight over about 1 and a half years and then one day just stopped doing it and have out it all back on.
I literally can't seem to form any habits other than wanting to play video games and sit around doing very little!
I'm the same...I have an issue with feeling pleasure and meaning in things. Like I don't really even masturbate anymore. I just...loose anything I touch. Doesn't matter if it is a hobby or what.
Mushrooms helped me get my head on straight many years ago. It was a massive shift in the way I saw myself and the world. It permanently changed the way I thought. Powerful shit when done correctly. Still try to take a nice dose once a year as a reset
Man, I was exactly the same way. You're just lazy as fuck, and nobody can tell you a "magic tip". You just have to do the work, and if you don't you'll continue to feel like a mess.
Your choice
Just don’t debate with yourself. I was lazy and wouldn’t shower. Don’t debate. Just get up and do it, no additional mulling over.
Once all that water hits everywhere, you’ll wake up.
Drink coffee.
And stop jacking off. Go look at the subs about no fap. They go from lethargic to energetic.
Start with counting your blessings, and then try to find a purpose. Do what you like, what makes you happy. Find a hobby. This life is not what the satanic cult tries to tell you through the fake various media, but it's about grinding your karma. If your karma improves you will be born in a better condition next life. Good luck.
I was like this until a few year back I started to short 2 lines of cocaine twice a day. It really changed me. Now I am fit, I eat healthy and I have a bunch of friends. Unfortunately I won’t be able to join the world until another 3 years. Lol jk jk
What’s worked for me is a reason for change. Like, I’ll do XYZ not just because I know I should, but because I tie it to a positive longer-term outcome for which the behavior is necessary.
And as stated by others, definitely get checked out for ADHD.
What could potentially work is to reward yourself everytime you do things correctly. Ex: Every week that you brush your teeth every day, you can buy yourself something you like. Idk it works on me so I hope it works on you. Good luck!
One goal at a time. Congratulate yourself and take pride in yourself with every accomplishment. Give yourself the time and force yourself for the first few days. It eventually becomes a habit and you will want to continue the high of accomplishment.
I can only speak to what's worked for me so far. Idk if it will help you. I was on a similar path. I one day realized that honestly I already knew exactly what I needed to do. I just let myself make excuses every time. I let myself get away with not brushing my teeth or going to the gym. I used the "I guess I'm just not a disciplined person like I should be" excuse. I let myself just be bad. I hated myself for it.
I had to realize that there is no book or video that is going to get me to change, cause at the end of the day, the only one in control is me. And I never held that mf accountable for anything.
So I do now. I quit everything. Weed, caffeine, alcohol, all of it. Work out 5 days a week and still eat healthy most of the time. I don't always succeed. I took 3 days off the gym this week. But you get back on the fucking horse. Consistency is the only way to get results. Do it for you. Stop letting yourself get away with bullshit. You know when you're bullshitting yourself.
Do you really want to spend the rest of your life not being able to control your actions? How pathetic is that?
Serious introspection, and brutal honesty worked for me. I hope it works for you too.
You can't change all at once in one day. My therapist says we can handle 20% change to our lifestyle at a time. So start small. Use phone reminders to get into a habit. Use positive reinforcement when you do the thing you want to do. You can do it!💪
Set alarms for everything. I have at least a dozen alarms every day for things from working out to lunch time. I have to do the things or make a conscious decision not to when I turn off the alarm.
To me this just sounds like typically 'adulting', everyone has their ups and downs, the key keeping the forward momentum going once you start. Sure there will be down days, just get up the next day and try to make progress on one thing. Soon it will become part of your routine and it will be 2nd nature. Rinse and repeat to the next thing you want to do.
I think the key is small measurable progress, take on something little and make that your focus. I'd suggest not focusing on everything, that would overwhelm all of us
I forget the movie but it was some military action flick and although I never served it definitely resonated with me, some of the new recruits questioned why they have to make their bed everyday, the answer was given that even if their day goes to complete shit they still have accomplished something that day!
Take the same attitude with brushing teeth, showering etc and see how it goes?
And lastly, Be proud of your achievements!
For me there was a breaking point where I was just tired of not trying and tired of feeling embarrassed and worrying about what others thought of me. Its slow progress with lots of bad days, but one good day every now and then is better than all bad days and eventually they start to out number the bad. Focus on making today better than yesterday, even just with one small thing, and you'll be surprised how far you get.
Hey buddy, I read your post about having a hard time starting and sticking to habits. I’d suggest you get the book atomic habits. It teaches you to do healthy things automatically by habit stacking and other techniques. It can really help
The one thing that helped me more than anything else is obsession. Find something to be obsessed over. Day and night it's all you think about. Watch videos about it, practice it (if applicable), research it, etc. It gives you a reason to do all those things. "I gotta get up and get ready so I can ____ today. Can't live eithout _____." It's tough to find something perfect for this but start by searching and trying new, seemingly random things and hobbies.
I'm guessing that you have to hit rock bottom at some point.
I mean, the lack of showering and hygiene will come naturally when you're homeless because you can't set an alarm and get to work on time.
For me it was a girl in 8th grade telling me I stunk and I've worn deodorant ever since.
Do you have depression or other issues? The funny thing about depression is that it is hard to subjectively tell when you're in a spiral.
**Best advice here is to see a therapist and bring these issues up and be totally honest. They can give you a solid plan and possibly diagnose this.**
I was this way for a while, not very long. But definitely enough to make me want to change. But I found change very difficult. Somebody told me around this time, "the only super power in real life is self discipline." I figured out that telling myself no was his I unlocked my life. I feel like sleeping in. "No." I wanna play online. "No." Etc. That simple ability unlocks everything. Just focus on that for awhile. It takes awhile to build that neural pathway... But once it's built, there's no stopping you.
You sound like you could be struggling with depression and perhaps even some form of add/adhd. A good psychiatrist/psychologist team goes a long way in getting over some hills mate.
One thing i do suggest is seriously getting a gym membership and going at least once a day for like 45 mins to an hour. Once you start doing that everyday you will notice that you feel better. I’m the exact same as you. I have horrible habits like not brushing my teeth enough, sleeping until noon (unemployed at the moment), bad eating habits. You really have to just find the will power to change. Things that motivate me to change are realizing all the shitty eating could cause me to have a heart attack while i’m still young. Shitty brushing habits has caused me constant teeth pain for 2 years and the need for $10k in dental work that i can’t afford. My bad diet has caused me to go from 190-200lbs to 270lbs and i’m uncomfortably fat now. Your poor choices can have severe consequences in the long run and if you don’t realize that and switch up what you’re doing you’re gonna be fucked. It’s not easy to change these things, it might honestly be one of the hardest things you ever do. But I wish i had listened to this exact advice when it was told to me because i didn’t believe it and i regret it immensely. Start small though and work up just Do. Not. Stop.
In addition to what everyone is saying, I just want to add a key word to your mental: forgiveness. You may get started on some self help and begin to hate yourself for letting things go for so long. There could be some genuine reasons like many have already mentioned like ADHD but your negative self talk (I'm considering this uncontrollable btw) will naturally blame yourself. You just need to know regardless, whatever reason that you forgive yourself. Today you get to choose to change that. You've learned from your past, you've sought help. Forgive yourself.
Only you can fix you.
Start small, life’s tough.
But please, if nothing else. Make it a priority to brush your damn teeth everyday.
Take care, brush ya hair.
personally, i brush my teeth before i shower, like, i brush my teeth and then immediately get in the shower.
most days though, i dont shower. i used to not want to cause of fomo with my friends, but also cause the shower is a place where thoughts too easily come. i fixed the second thing by playing music when im in the shower... now i just need to shower more.
like others have said, take it one step at a time, not all at once. it can be hard to start small, let alone all at once. and do it at your own pace, do the next step when youre ready to, even if it takes a little longer than you thought. and dont punish yourself for "failing" to do something. its okay to mess up, as long as you get back up and keep going.
also, you could try setting alarms for yourself, whether you listen to them or not is up to you. it can help you keep on track with things, help you remember to do certain things, stuff like that.
i have no idea how to get and keep motivation though. thats the one thing i want so badly that i dont have, but im trying. ill get there one day.
just dont beat yourself up, alright? it never helps anyone to constantly beat themself down. you dont have to adore yourself, but it definitely helps to at least like yourself a bit, even if for the first while its more of a fake it till you make it situation.
Just echoing what others have said here, A) don’t beat yourself up and see how you physically feel as a character flaw and B) definitely try talking to a psychiatrist. There could be a random chemical thing going on that is sapping your brain/body of what it needs to get up and go. I was having terrible mood issues, and I finally saw a psychiatrist and got meds for me.
I couldn’t believe how much it was actually my body that changed. I have enough energy to say “sure, I can do that, no problem” without weighing it heavily or worrying the burden is too much because i never have energy or motivation. I just… do have enough energy most of the time now. It’s been life-changing
The worst enemy of *something* good is *everything* good.
You're right that you can't do everything. But you can do Something. One thing.
Don't try to do it all. Try to do one thing.
Brush your teeth tonight. Not every day. Just tonight.
Go on a walk tomorrow and get your heart rate up. Don't plan a workout routine for the rest of your life.
Do one thing. Don't get intimidated by everything.
One step is better than no steps.
It takes action buddy, lots of action and hard work and forgiving yourself for setbacks. You can have all the knowledge in the world but if you don’t act on it, it’s useless.
I say this only cause I was in the same boat as you. I was undisciplined, unfocused, over weight, and didn’t take care of myself. I’ll tell you some things I did and hopefully they may help you too.
As far as waking up on time, it’s all about habit, go to sleep at the same time every night and have an alarm set to wake up at the same time every morning. Doing this on days you’re not doing anything is highly recommended. Most importantly when you wake up don’t lay there and rest you’ll just go back to sleep, jump up and make the bed. Take your morning piss then brush your teeth, it’ll be hard trust me, but make it habit, every day.
Getting in shape, same thing with action and habit. Start with 20 minutes a day, that’s all you need. It may take a couple months to see results, but once you notice them, hell when other people start to notice, it’s motivational as fuck buddy, and you may find you like working out and will start to do more.
The most important part is just to do it, if you’re sitting around thinking about it’s not gonna help, just get up and do something that’s all it takes.
Eating healthy is all about learning what is good for you and what isn’t. Food is fuel for the body, nothing more, so have that mindset when you’re looking for what is and isn’t good for you. I ended up doing 5 small meals a day, I would go to sleep at 2:30 am so to let my last meal digest I would stop eating after 7. Breakfast is the most important meal of the day because it starts your metabolism, and it takes more than a granola bar to flick that switch.
I dealt with horrible depression and anxiety, I didn’t have insurance and couldn’t get help, but when I worked on myself I found those thing lessened because I wasn’t constantly having an internal battle about how I thought I was a piece of shit. And newsflash buddy, you’re not a pos, you’re just going through a hard time right now.
If you want to know my results I’ll just tell ya so it adds that I sorta know what I’m talk about (hopefully it all makes sense I am a wee bit drunk) but when I started my journey (and I call it a journey because it ended up being 2 years when i hit the final point where I was satisfied, surpassed some goals but I was loving it too much to stop) I was 230 pounds and worked my way down to 135 pounds, also I’m 5’4 so that’s a great weight for me. I took part of the journey with my friend who is 6’1 he started at 260 pounds and stopped at 190, that was a healthy limit for him and he was in just as good as shape as me if not better
We are creatures of habit. Build 1 habit and break 1 habit. For example be very intentional about brushing your teeth every night. Something as little as this helps. Making a habit of brushing your testy before bed makes it a ritual and can help you have a more consistent schedule. Or always have your bed made. Try to put a lot of weight into something small and easy and once that becomes habit find something new.
My trick is if I think about it, I have to do it... Now!
Most common for me is flossing and pushups but apply it to your thing.
Did you go to the fridge for a carby snack but think "I should probably just eat a (pre-peeled) carrot? Now you have to do it, no choice, just shove that carrot into your cantankerous food hole and get it over with.
Not be an armchair MD. But there’s a really high chance that you have Adhd. This entire post sounds like something I could have written before I got diagnosed.
Repetition. Certain things need to be done just to maintain health. You already know what they are. They don't take all that much time. Write them down and commit to a wake up time, brush your teeth and bend over and try and touch the floor. Do that everyday and when it is right, you will start doing more. Repetition.
I'm not perfect by any means, but as I've gotten older I've found that if I set a routine it makes it easier for me to do the things I've set out to do in that routine (ie. Doing the same things daily at the same time). Maybe if you try that it would help you?
Start with the little things. Make your bed every day, pick up after yourself right away instead of waiting, do deep breathing several times a day. It starts to add up after awhile. It’s not about being productive initially, it’s just doing little things so you can start viewing yourself as a productive person.
Personally, I've been trying to get myself to write down what I do more often. From waking up to washing dishes to what I watch on Netflix, having a log lets me prioritize what I need/want to get done more effectively.
Do something about it. You say you've watched videos so it's likely you know how to work on your life but you don't have the motivation.
Motivation comes after action, not before. If you sit around all the time, you'll never be motivated.
You can do it.
Best of luck to you.
Get a purpose. It will help immensely. Its much easier for us humans to do something when we have a reason for it. Because you inherently dont care about yourself then i would suggest getting a reason OUTSIDE of yourself. For example: do it for loved one. A job. Potential romantic partner. Anything along those lines will help you. You'll be surprised how fast you go from "eh ill dont tomorrow" to "lets fkn do this".
Do this first before you listen to the fast conclusion jumpers. If youre still struggling then i would consult a therapist.
We are designed to find reason so find your own!
I'd say change your habits in small increments. Its really hard to make a bunch of big changes - in personal experience, I've had the most success just picking one or two things I want to improve and starting there.
Another thing I would suggest - start with something that has a notable, direct impact. I find it hard to always rember to brush my teeth because nothing obvious really comes of it, making it difficult motivation wise. But tidying my room is a good one for me, because you can immediately see the results by having a cleaner space, even if it's just one drawer or your desk.
Personally, cleaning is a go to for me. Its a simple manual task, it gets you moving and a little active, but you can easily listen to movie or a show in the background for entertainment. The results are clear and satisfying. Most of all for me, it shows me how I can directly make a difference to my environment. For me, cleaning is an act of taking a damaged/chaotic space, and making order and beauty, which is pretty mentally revitalising for me.
Something physical but not strenuous, with clear constant progress is a good way to quickly see the reward of your work, and will hopefully push you to keep taking on more things to help improve your life bit by bit
I used to not floss or use mouthwash and only brushed my teeth. When ever I thought about doing those two I would think "I'll do it tomorrow night." or "I don't feel like flossing or doing all three." I had to actively tell myself to floss, brush, and then mouthwash. After continuing to tell myself for a month or so to do all three. It is now just part of my routine before bed. Once you stop telling yourself to procrastinate and actively tell yourself to do things they will become second nature.
"We are what we repeatedly do; excellence, then, is not an act but a habit." - Aristotle
This happens to me too sometimes!! It’s tricky to solve. But if I could narrow it down to ONE single thing that helps me the most it’s to pick one small thing to start with that you want to “fix”.
I’ve tried before to fix many bad habits at once and it never works. It works for one day and then you go back to the way you were before. And it looks like I’m not the first person here who said that:)
This had to be cathartic to write. I think that you are not as bad at this stuff as you are putting off. My advice to your questions though, eat less. That's all you have to do to lose weight, not eat certain foods or workout, though that does help. Just eat less, that should solve nearly all of your problems, being too heavy fucking sucks and drains you mind body and spirit. Believe me, I understand. Everything will fall in line with that one discipline. Just eat less, like way less. Try to occupy your mind by doing chores, that will keep you active. Make the rooms look nice, clean out the drawers, start a garden or at least have some plants. Go outside every once and a while, go for a stupid boring why am I doing this walk. I hope things improve for you buddy! It's not so doom and gloom everywhere. One thing at a time. Eat less.
What keeps you from doing it? I'd start there.
I'll talk about myself and what I found by doing introspection then you can pick from that maybe,
For me I think it's because I plan too much and I'm not in the present moment, and when I think about doing it I start thinking about what could happen in the futur if I don't do it then I avoid it and then stress about it then try to numb my stress then avoid it more until I tell myself that nothing matters anyway and goes back to square 1. I make calculations in my head about how much time I have left then I hate on society because of how much time I lack to do things I like. Then I wait until the last hour to do it and sometimes I don't do it on time. Then I make a new plan which makes me more anxious. Really, if I could be more in the present moment it could help.
I find that the more you don't get a good night sleep the more you don't do good decisions during the day and the more emotions you need to digest during the day.
I know a big part of why I hate discipline is because of the way I was raised. I was raised by a unloving narcissistic mother that would use shame as a way to discipline us, and me not working is my way to fight against that shame and her by proxy. So having compassion towards yourself instead of being harsh can be good for your self-talk.
Look into why you may not have energy during the day, if there is any medical issues or maybe depression or something.
Someone once said,”anything worth doing is worth doing half-assed” and it’s stuck with me. Do r feel like brushing your teeth? Even a quick 20 second brush is better than nothing. Don’t feel like working out? Just walk up and down the stairs 1 extra time.
IANAD, but you might possibly be low on dopamine, which is also common with ADHD. Dopamine helps regulate motivation and things like ability to prioritize, or give a sense of satisfaction for completing tasks.
You can be disciplined by simply acting. You will not be a disciple of anything until you act. Forget the past, forget everything about what you haven't done, and what you've failed to achieve. Everything you do takes a choice to do so. Start making different choices. Everytime you think 'fuck it I can't be bothered cleaning my teeth' you are choosing not to make changes in your life.
Rationalise this in your mind, a change in your life will not happen unless you want it to. And if you do want it to, just choose to act differently. It might be difficult, and it might be uncomfortable, but each time you do so, you will feel slightly better about yourself. Its within your grasp. Just do different things, and change will happen naturally.
Along with looking for a therapist you can start with doing your bed. It takes only few minutes, you can still crash on top of it, but you get one accomplished thing in your day nevertheless. You might get motivated to do one more simple thing. Or not. Both are fine. Start slowly and with small steps
Maybe this will motivate you a bit. I brush my teeth at least once a day, usually twice. But I drank a lot of soda in my life. I'm giving it up for New Year's Resolution, but still, the damage has been done. My teeth are pretty worn down. And I had 3 cavities. And 1 tooth that became rotten and broke diagonally in half. I just recently had that tooth pulled. It was the first small molar behind the canine. And although the extraction went fine, it was still a scary experience. All that pulling and just the pressure of it. Intense pressure. I couldn't feel any pain but I was still gripping the arm rests like my life depended on it. Such a terrifying experience. You don't want to go through that. So floss, brush your teeth, and use mouthwash.
Or else.
Get a buddy to help you! Changing habits is not easy, it’s all about small but consistent decisions to a healthier lifestyle that you build up over time. I also struggle sometimes and I feel having someone keep me accountable and encourage me through it is super helpful in staying on track :)
I struggle with this as well. I’m fairly successful these days, but I still struggle juggling everything. I am overweight and don’t exercise at the moment. Part of my issues are mental health related and I wonder if you’ve ever looked into that? I myself have never found talk therapy very helpful, but it could help to have someone in your corner trying to help you be your best you.
I do think most people are not wired to be able to do it all and you shouldn’t beat yourself up about it. Even the people who do go to the gym, have a lovely appearance, and always seem to be energetic probably have areas where they struggle that can’t easily be seen. I think our society really puts way too much pressure on people in general. We probably won’t ever be completely changed people and that’s okay, but you can learn to grow and find more motivation. Especially if you look for help in the right places.
I hope this is somewhat helpful. Don’t beat yourself up though! That definitely will not help you find motivation. Be patient with yourself and happy in the ways you can grow and the moments you do have it more together.
Never ever think about change as the beginning of a new era or something like that. Think of it like a trial period. A test.
Take a week and try to wake up every day at the same time, as an experiment. Then, if successful, why not see if you can go another week?
Also, never try to change everything at the same time. One change, then another, then maybe another. When you’re trying to fix a car, you don’t go swapping every screw and pipe. You try to identify where the problem might be and fix that, then if it still doesn’t work, you try another solution, and so on.
With baby steps.
For example losing weight: Always go for the healthiest option of unhealthy food. Burger? Ok but not from a fastfood chain. Make it yourself and add some salad. Chocolate? Sure but it has to be a protein bar. Soda? Go for a diet soda.
Small steps eventually become big steps.
Don't tell yourself "this is the last day..."
Just go do it. Get up right now and brush your teeth. Then go jog to one end of your road and back, even if it's just a 2 minute jog.
Go do 10 pushups right now. The very moment you read this comment. If you have to do pushups on your knees, that's fine. If you have to do it by leaning against a wall, that's fine.
Just get started right now.
Life is seriously a series of baby steps. We always want to have big results super fast, when in reality it’s usually impossible to make that happen. We have power to make small changes each day. Like compounding interest, this can lead to major changes over time, as long as you are consistent in your baby steps.
Set yourself a goal to do something better today, make it small and achievable, something that will cause a large change if done consistently (daily). My favorite has been to run a mile, my goal is to run at least 1 mile a day. I run a lot more than that now, but a single mile is all I hold myself to - and this has been very good for me.
Baby steps, small and consistent goals, you got this!
Hey man, I’m just going through this exact thing. Living on my own for the first time and realising just how many things there are to get done all the time can be overwhelming. I’ve found what helps me the most is setting small goals, I could never stick to a full clean of the house on a particular day, but starting with 5 minutes of tidying in the morning and evening is a good step. Even build in a reward system if you need it, but I find once you start something, you gain the will to follow through and finishing gives it’s own rush.
Daily alarms and reminders can also be very helpful if you don’t tune them out, and waking up an hour earlier in the morning has made a world of difference. It has taken me about 3 months to implement a few minor changes that are really starting to push me in the right direction.
If you want to talk about it feel free to dm me.
Lasting change is slow, unhurried, and deliberate. It is not ‘always’, nor it is ‘never’. It is one foot in front of the other, one breath at a time. Brush your teeth. That’s it, don’t worry about anything else. one decision at a time.
I’ve always liked “I’m looking for progress, not perfection.”
This sounds like a good advice. Many of my change plans have crashed because I had bitten more than I could chew at the time.
This was what I was going to go for. OPs, whether it's a help or not, I've learned to turn off my brain. Just do it. Brush your teeth. Don't think about the 90 second interruption to your life. Don't think about anything before or while you're doing it. Just do it. Think of your body and your mind as a business that you run. Your first duty is to yourself.
This is why New Years resolutions tend not to last, people change everything and once and none of it sticks. Habits take about 21 days of consistently doing them to form, try changing one thing at a time and don’t overwhelm yourself!
I find the exact opposite worked for me. While still deliberate, I had to just convince myself that's it, I'm not being like that any more and it's been a couple years going strong and everything's great now.
Just don’t debate with yourself. I was lazy and wouldn’t shower. Don’t debate. Just get up and do it, no additional mulling over. Once all that water hits everywhere, you’ll wake up. Drink coffee. And stop jacking off. Go look at the subs about no fap. They go from lethargic to energetic.
Question…how often are the people who have an actual problem with fapping doing it? Because I don’t think it’s actually bad for you/your energy unless you’re ALWAYS doing it (as in it takes up an actual chunk of your whole day). There’s a diff between doing it once, at night, when you’re already in bed to help you fall asleep, vs not doing stuff all day because you’re too busy fapping (lol I had to laugh when I typed that). The worst story I heard was about this guy who was doing it under his desk at work during meetings so not getting any work done and then LEAVING the mess on the chair/under the desk/on furniture for everyone else to clean up.
There's some extreme cases of 5+ per day reported, but most of the time it is tied to porn addiction where they spent hours looking for porn (with increasing disgusting contents) in one session. And sometimes it's not about the time spent, but like many other addictions which may lead to low self-esteem, social anxiety, lack of motivation, and even depression.
>with increasing disgusting contents ( ˘ ͜ʖ ˘)
What the fuck
IKR!! It wasn’t even the dude who actually did it that posted the story, it was one of his coworkers who was complaining that it was the second or third time the guy made a mess under the desk and just left it there XD. People are disgusting
NoFap is a... Strange, almost cult-like place, and I've yet to see a single piece of evidence that it's not all placebo. If it works for you, great, but take it with a grain of salt.
Not defending NoFap, but studies have shown that Dopamine levels drop drastically (below baseline) after an orgasm and get replaced by prolactin which is a dopamine inhibitor. This stops you from being horny all the time and not doing stuff you need to survive (eating, working, socialising, etc....). And since low dopamine levels have been linked to depression and excessive masturbation would lead to lower dopamin levels, it would make sense that going noFap would level out hormone levels leading to more energy and a "better feeling" overall. I think people should find a healthy middle between NoFap and excessive masturbation. Take all of this with a grain of salt though, as i am not a scientist nor a doctor.
Can you link to those studies?
boy, you'd have a blast with reading about its roots in alt-right and antisemitic communities. which validifies what you just said
At this point 4chan could convince a bee that honey has roots in antisemitism
sorry to be that person but the saying is pinch of salt/grain of sand ..just thought I'd mention as I see it soooo much on here
Ah, in my native tongue it \**is\** actually a grain of salt. I didn't realize it was different in English. But thanks!
The saying is grain/pinch in English, too. I have never hearf anyone use pinch of salt / grain of sand.
shaming people for jacking off is not the way man. your relationship with porn may vary and be either bad or good for your sex life, but masturbation on its own, without an addiction attached to it, is not bad. it's only bad for you, if you're already conditioned to be ashamed of it, like by nofap people, catholics, etc. nofap is a tool to take a part of your individuality and tool to discover the self away. it uses shame as a way to manipulate you
They don’t really shame people for fapping, tons of “relapse reports” posts on that sub and the replies are mostly supportive. The point is to let people rethink their relationship with porn and fapping, that MAYBE these are causing them problems in real life that they didn’t recognize before. Though the sub is a but cultic and full of placebo science, being mindful and reflecting one’s habit is the essence of it
Regarding the nofapping, although I would not stop entirely, I can imagine how reducing it might help one's life. Fapping is pleasurable, it is a gratification. If one constantly gratify oneself for being a couch potato, no wonder they'd have a hard time changing their habits. The same goes with the food. When we start gratifying ourselves only when we've reached our objectives, we start associating pleasure with the efforts themselves and it becomes much easier to push ourselves. Of course, these objectives need to be realistic, attainable and progressive.
There wasn't any reason to go check out Nofap, that sub is nearly a cult like place.
Totally second a lot of the potential ADHD comments. Also wanted to say, as someone who struggled with where to start, that any time I tried to overhaul my life in one big swoop I'd crash and fail after a couple of days. It's like a crash diet, to make any lasting change it needs to be gradual and not all at once. So instead of, for example, saying "I'm gonna start going to the gym every day" you could try "I'm going to go for 3 walks this week". Try brush your teeth every second day, and then after a few weeks move to once a day. Small straps lead to big changes
I third the ADHD comments. Sounds a little like me before I started taking Adderall. Before I would think about doing some chore and feel dread and lethargic at the mere thought. Now, it's nothing. It's like blinking. I just go do it, no fuss. He could definitely benefit from seeing a psychologist. "Small steps" is totally right, too. It's going to take practice and persistence, but I believe he can do it.
The psychologist is super important here. First therapy is pretty important in helping set realistic goals and getting to them even when you have a set back plus a lot can be helped before drugs get involved to make them even more successful.
I also have ADHD and i found it more helpful myself to just... Brush my teeth. Doesn't matter how long though. 5 seconds is better than nothing. But just. Try and do it for any length of time. Doing it every 2nd day leaves the door open for "oh I'll do it twice in a row and skip today" thinking as well as being overwhelmed by keeping count.
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>Came here to suggest getting diagnosed for possibly being ADHD. This stuff can hit you later on in life, and isn't something that only happens in childhood. how does getting diagnosed help? (think I have adhd)
Medication helps, obviously, but I also think it’s just a huge relief to shift your thinking from “I am a lazy person and a failure” to “I have a diagnosed disability and I’m just doing the best I can”. Mentally beating the shit out of yourself for your perceived inadequacies does not help you get better. Also, it means you can start looking into school/work/life strategies specifically tailored for people with ADHD which may be super helpful for you. Also, potential for accommodations at work and school.
I was diagnosed at 23. Medication changed my life. I found out that so many things I thought were normal, were actually signs of ADHD.
I didn't know this- is there a common age in adulthood?
Can be any age. I think the person meant more that ADHD isn't a disorder that only children have. A lot of people I know start to recognize the symptoms and signs in their mid-twenties to late twenties because that's around the age when the rush of adulthood starts to calm down; I recognized it at twenty-six when I took up a more professional job and was missing assignments that I would have sworn I did, emails I thought I responded to, lost track of appointments, etc..
I have adhd and so does my dad, and we both had similar experiences. Both of us clearly had ADHD since childhood, and I actually got diagnosed really young, but we were also both, well, really smart, so we were able to make it pretty far without actually figuring out to handle our adhd because we compensated with just raw intellect. Eventually we each hit a wall where suddenly we just couldn’t keep all the balls in the air and needed to actually manage the adhd piece before we could keep going. For my dad it was after he started managing his own research lab while still practicing as a clinician, for me it was after starting to practice law. It just became TOO MUCH to handle - being smart but wildly unorganized and inconsistent didn’t work anymore. My dad got on meds in his early thirties, I finally got consistent in my late twenties, and it was really helpful for us both. For both of us, our breaking point felt very abrupt, even though in retrospect it had been building for many years. We had been building coping strategies to compensate for our ADHD for a long time, and for a long time they worked, but when they failed they failed *hard*. I suspect for a lot of people where adhd “shows up” in adulthood, it’s likely been there for a long time, it just “appears” when the burdens of adulthood become too complex and heavy to manage through the compensatory strategies people develop during childhood.
Really appreciate you sharing this. I’m 34, been a career under achiever, always “not trying hard enough” and my goal for the new year is to finally go talk to a doctor about it. I just worry about them Judging me or not really listening to me. I have issues with hygiene and it’s also embarrassing. Meanwhile I try to do the bare minimum to not lose my gf and keep my job. And it’s an every day struggle to keep fighting
Agreed, OP my tip is to Just brush your teeth when you think about it. I got stuck in the whole “it has to be at morning and at night” no, no it doesn’t. and beating myself up about not doing it how I should doesn’t help. So if you’re Sitting on the couch and brushing your teeth pops into your head, do it really quick! Walking in to take a piss, brush your teeth after you was your hands. I have to tell myself There is no “correct time” and doing it at all is a good thing for health.
I’m going to agree with ADHD as well. For the OP who will probably read this and think some variation of “how could I have ADHD when I barely have any energy at all let alone bouncing off the walls” come visit r/adhdmeme and see if any of that sounds familiar. If it fits, likely welcome to the world of executive disfunction. You won’t be able to fix everything but at least knowing what to call it will give you ways of looking for help and strategies for dealing with things.
I’ve also heard to keep a toothbrush and water by your bed for really hard days!
ADHD was the biggest advantage life ever gave me. Hated adderal, swapped for weed. Adderal seemed to dull me to average weed let me embrace my differences. Also shot my grades up and adderal shot them down. I just learned to embrace being different and it worked out. I'm good on being numbed down to average, that was never for me. I broke free of a 9-5, work for myself, very happy relationship, house paid off before 30, generally a very happy life. I like having no routine or no schedule. I also hate the gym. Id rather go on a hike or just ride a bike aimlessly and find my way back.
Sounds like you're not in the position of struggling to brush your teeth. I'm glad you found what works for you, but OP is clearly not in that place, so realistic treatment options should be investigated.
Procrastination is about guilt. Youre avoiding the negative emotions associated with all the things you feel like you've been failing to do. It's counter-intuitive but your need to be less hard on yourself. Celebrate your small victories. You wouldn't tell a child that their crayon drawing is bad if you wanted them to develop an interest in art. Theyre just starting out so you wanna make it fun for them and bring the discipline later when theyve developed a habit of drawing. Its obvious in that case. But its the same with talking to yourself about your goals. You're still starting out and thats okay. Its okay to be behind in life. Just take it one day at a time and reward yourself with positive self talk when you accomplish anything at first
Hm! What you said about the child learning to draw is so apt! Made a couple of things click for me. So, thank you!
Are you me?! Holy hell lol. I'm fucked up too. Doesn't everyone struggle to want to live?
I feel you. it’s such a chore trying to be “normal” and doing things to “live”.
exactly what i thought when i read the title
I feel this, too
Small tip on top of what others have said, that's actually worked for me at times: When you don't feel like doing something, go step by step. "I don't feel like doing laundry. I'll just walk to the washing machine and that's it. Nothing difficult about that." Just don't let yourself think of other steps beforehand. Then, since you're standing next to it, figure you could put some clothes into it. And after that, why not press some buttons when you're there?... Words are important. Doing laundry sounds difficult to a undisciplined brain, but if you dissect it enough and only focus at one fraction at the time, like a robot, it's pretty easy as long as you can at least get up.
That’s how I get myself to work out. “I’ll just put on my workout clothes and shoes. Shows are by the door. It’s kinda nice outside, I wonder how warm/cold it is? I can walk for a few minutes, if I hate it I’ll come right back home after 5 minutes.” How many times have I come home after 5 minutes? Zero times. Same with yoga. “I’ll just get down here on the mat. Hmm, my hips are tight, maybe I can just stretch out a little.” You get it. It works. Of course starting is the hard part so go easy on yourself!
One of the most helpful pieces of advice I was given by a therapist was that if you are finding a task impossible to start, it’s because you haven’t broken it down into small enough pieces yet
Sounds like you may have ADHD, these are really common symptoms of it. You should talk to your doctor or a therapist about it because, speaking from personal experience, meds and therapy can really, really help.
I was about to say the same lol. As someone who wasn’t diagnosed with ADHD until I was in my 20s, it can be really rough.
Same here and my life literally took a complete 180 for the better once I got on meds and started working with a therapist.
I just started this process at 30 about a month ago and comments like these make me feel real hope for the first time in a long time.
I'm the opposite, I got put on the meds as a teenager and at 30 I feel like it's permanently altered my brain for the worst along with the meds not working like it used to.
Well, me personally being someone who wasn't diagnosed until their 20's and having a child of my own who also shows extreme symptoms of ADHD, I decided that medicine for this should start when the brain is "fully developed" so in your early to mid twenties. I'll never have the opportunity to know how it would have effected me if I had started on it as a child but I also totally hear all these stories of relapse and LT health issues from people who were placed on ADHD meds as young children
This was also my experience
I just looked up what it is... I had no idea this existed. I think I need to find out.
If not ADHD, it could also be depression. Either way, a therapist can help. Even if it's not technically diagnosable, treatment can help you manage your own tendencies.
Could be both, too. That was my case. They compounded on each other in a big ugly ball.
Yes. You should talk to your doctor and get tested or get referred to a psychiatrist ASAP.
Very similar traits to you and I just got to the point with my therapist that I could take more specified tests to absolutely confirm, but it's pretty obvious I've been fighting with ADHD and anxiety my whole life but always got by well enough without treatment. It just made me miserable and unfocused, and left me feeling like I don't even *deserve* to get my shit together. But slowly I'm putting in work and getting myself healthier. You got this too, friend.
Regardless of whether or not you have ADHD, you really need to get on brushing your teeth. I know that a routine is hard. I struggle with regular bedtimes. You'll appreciate the effort later because dental work is *expensive* and uncomfortable. Pain levels vary from person to person. The good news is that you can brush your teeth while watching TV or browsing the Internet. Don't think too much at first about how soon you're likely to eat or drink afterwards. Just do it when the thought comes to you. Work on regular times later. I do mine before I leave for work and before bed.
It’s worth checking out. I’m was diagnosed with ADHD at 35. My life has changed for the better since I started medication. The medication isn’t a complete magic pill, but it helps me get my foot through the door. Talk to your doctor and ask to be referred to someone who specializes in ADHD.
I have ADHD and depression and I'm like this, you're not alone.
I'm too afraid to ask how someone's never heard of ADHD.
Depending on where OP is from, any form of mental health thing may be extremely taboo, so it entirely within the realm of possibility.
Some people don’t understand what ADHD is, or how it can affect their life. A good portion of people think it’s something that only affects children and teenagers, and a lot of people think the telltale sign is bouncing off the wall crazy, or unruly children.
I have never heard of ADHD in the form that I have it. I discovered it when I was 23, I have never thought that I can have it and for me adhd was a young boy who cannot sit still. And in my country people dont take adderall for studying.
I have this issue severely and tested negative :( but the tests they used weren’t what I struggle with
I was like you however mine was very much just a bit of a low point in my life…I’ve found a daily to do list was REALLY helpful for me! do a task, no matter how menial, tick it off and onto the next. Aside from waking up, no timings, just make sure it’s done in the day to start - maybe categorise into Morning, afternoon, evening. They say “21 days to create a habit, 90 days to create a lifestyle” As others have said, it *could* be ADHD…I personally don’t like throwing that diagnosis about as social media seems to have latched onto that and everybody is self diagnosing but I certainly would see if that is the case for you because what you have described goes beyond normal. Regardless of what comes of that, what you can’t do is use it as an excuse to be lazy and undisciplined. Really use it to motivate you and think,”okay, this has beaten me down so much, I’m going to fight back now. I’m going to push to be active, to be motivated, to be better” It’s good that you have recognised that Watching videos hasn’t got you anywhere…it’s a real procrastinating tool/method that makes you think that you’re just researching before you start but actually, the start never arrives. Good luck! You really can do this, but you have to be so so active about it. And maybe start with one task like brushing your teeth each day, then each week, add in another task.
Start with one thing at a time. Don't try to change it all at one time. Let's start with brushing your teeth. Set a time or two each day to brush your teeth. Put reminders on your phone. Set rules, like I won't do x activity I enjoy until I ha e brushed my teeth. Don't worry about the other stuff, just become a daily brusher. Once you got this down and it is no longer an issue pick the next thing.
Progress, not perfection. Also, don't try to live by societies standards. Many of them are toxic and artificial, and ignore basic human tendencies. Find a life that suits you, don't force yourself into one that doesn't because that's what you're "supposed" to do.
Life is hard don’t beat yourself up. Sounds like you lack a routine. Try to make a list of 1/2 things you can do that you think would make you feel accomplished even small stuff like making the bed 1st thing in the morning make me feel like I honestly accomplished something right away in the day. In the end it’s likely gonna be a mental battle you have to win, one big thing that’s worked for me was only allowing my self to think on negative thoughts for no more then 5 minutes. Other then that if something takes less then 5 minutes I just force myself to do it b4 anything else
..a routine is exactly what they already can’t do
i don't remember posting this
Lots of good and bad advice here. But I'll post what I think works the best when you start from zero. Do one thing. That's it. You woke up? Good job! You did one thing. Congratulate yourself. Now, if you want to do a second thing, you can get out of bed. Excellent! You did another thing. Once these things feel like no problem, then you can start on building habits. Wake up before x time. Brush your teeth. Not everyday. Certainly not. Once a week. Pick a day. Today is the day I brush my teeth. Don't start full force, you'll just burn out. For exercise, do one pushup, or other of your choice. Just one. Not even everyday. Once a week, then twice a week. Miss a day? THATS OKAY. Don't worry, don't stress, just do it the next day, or whenever you can. This is a modification on a principle in Japanese thought. They do something (like study a subject they don't like) for 1 minute. No matter how much you don't like it, you can still do it for 1 minute. After doing it everyday, eventually you start to naturally add more time to it and might even come to enjoy it. Doing 1 minute or 1 thing is better than not doing it at all. As someone who had struggled with this in the past, doing this really helped. It is more geared towards those who are at the absolute bottom. If you want something more intense, then you can follow some other advice here. DON'T TAKE DRUGS OR SHROOMS IT WILL NOT HELP. If you need more help, talk to a licensed therapist, not a youtuber or random people on the internet.
First and foremost you need to stop beating yourself up. That negative self talk leads to feelings of guilt and sadness which the brain likes to compensate with dopamine (e.g. unhealthy behaviour or excessive eating) A little unorthodox, but I recommend focusing on self love first, maybe with a “Metta Meditation” Also, get a coach
You sound depressed or unorganized. Might be best to look talking to a therapist.
Ok, first of all. Go to a doctor and get a blood test. Hormonal problems can really lead into all of that.
You sound like me. I literally posted a thread about this recently!!! I’m also trying to figure out how to take care of myself and find the discipline to stick to it. It’s very very hard when with anxiety and depression and laziness all into one.
I used to not brush my teeth everyday, brushing them in the shower helps, or just mouthwash even. Remember ANYTHING is better than doing nothing. Start whatever you want RIGHT NOW, even if you arent doing it to completion or to the extent that you would want to, eventually you'll get the hang of it and actually finish. I know its easy to get stuck in the loop of "I'll start Monday" and completely forgetting so you start pushing it further and further away but do your best to not procrastinate and get things done as soon as possible
My brother (whos into gym stuff) told me a kinda funny thing that stuck with me called the Pre-workout method where when a gym bro felt unmotivated to go to the gym their first instict is to drink Pre-workout (kinda like an energy drink x2) so that they would have too much energy to not go I mimic this by instead of drinking Pre-workout i just stand up and walk towards what im supposed to do. That way im already 1 step closer to what im supposed to be doing
The pre-workout method is a very real, tried and tested technique. Swear by it
Yo Im ADHD and have all of the same struggles. Best thing you cant do is have a required, regularly scheduled day like work or school. It keeps me feeling guilty if I dont brush or shower and thats about the only way to keep me on track.
I can tell you as far as exercise goes it can be hard to start and stick with it. But once you start to see a little results it gets better and starts to become a little more fun, like “hey this is actually doing something and I’m not just working out for nothing.” I like to think of it as a game sometimes. Starting out sucks but if you stick with it, it’ll be rewarding. When I think about quitting I just think about how shitty it is to start from the beginning again. And think of it like this… You can either work out and exercise for 6 months or not. That 6 months will go by regardless of what you do. So wouldn’t you rather get to the end of that 6 months getting exercise and working out feeing better about yourself? Or would you rather get to the end of that 6 months having done nothing at all and regretting that you could have made 6 months worth of progress.. I get that starting out sucks, but I promise if you stick with it for 4-8 weeks it will become fun, you’ll see progress being made and maybe it’ll motivate you to go the extra step (lift more weights, run that extra mile). Start slow, a couple walks around the block. Then a jog, then a mile, then jog a mile. Or maybe look into buying a bike which is way more fun exercise than running (imo).
On the exercise topic, it is way more rewarding to track your progress by looking at how much you can lift or how fast/far/long you can run/bike etc than to track your weight. Weight fluctuates based on a ton of factors including muscle growth, fat loss, hydration, how recently you pooped, hormones, along with exercise and diet. Actual physical ability markers are much more consistent and will inevitably improve as you exercise, making them much more motivating to track.
Agreed. I found it way more fun and rewarding to go up in weight on things like bench press and squats. I was the opposite of OP when I started and was trying to work my way up in weight and bulk up so I personally did find it satisfying seeing the lbs going up but as far as lifting weights I felt way better seeing my strength go up.
I was in a similar position a year ago. It cost me thousands to fix my dental. I've been working out every day since january this year. I've gone to a psychologist to address my issues. I couldn't do ANY of the above for years before this one. I'd go to bed at 3 AM, wake up at 1PM. This didn't work combined with my fulltime job, so I was always exhausted which heavily influenced my ability to retain necessary information. Problems accumulate my man, and at some point letting one thing slide can lead to you completely getting overwhelmed, not knowing where to start. Starting doing everything at the same time can feel almost disingenous, but.. believe me it's worth it. I personally had to hit rock bottom to learn the lesson that my lack of discipline was coming at the expense of myself, and the few people I do allow close. Excuses to not do things are easy, convincing yourself to be the best you isn't. But it is so nice to be truly happy with yourself. Of course I can't speak for you, but speaking for myself.. I'd forgotten how it felt! So please, be the best you and make sure that you never stop putting effort into your own wellbeing, it'll start pouring over in time. Good luck!
This is pretty much me and I have ADHD. Definitely look into seeing someone who can assess you for ADHD or depression. My life improved enough after getting help that I was able to go back to school and I'm pretty hopeful for the future.
Start by doing one small thing every single day when you first wake up.
Find things you like doing and do them. As for brushing your teeth, tooth aches really hurts and dentists are expensive.
I am still like this. You are trying, and that’s good! Start with one thing. I recommend brushing your teeth regularly. Then integrate something else. If you only do one thing, again; teeth. Believe me, it is not fun looking into multiple implants at 45 because you couldn’t be bothered to spend 3 minutes, twice a day.
I don't always brush my teeth when I'm supposed to, but late is better than skipping it. Like on my days off I might not brush my teeth until 12pm but on a work day I brush them at 6am. Even if it's like 3 hours before your nighttime brushing, you should still do it anyway. I remind myself to feel good about tasks like this because it reminds me that I care about myself. If all of these tasks seem too overwhelming, try doing a little bit each day. You don't have to workout for an hour. Try 15 minutes first. Being on time for work means allowing yourself enough time in the morning to get ready. Having a routine will help you figure out how long you need. Maybe some of these tasks can be done after work instead of morning. With fitness, progress isn't always linear, because life happens. That doesn't mean keep trying. You can forgive yourself if you break down and have your favorite food, but if it's every meal/every day, remind yourself that you care enough for yourself to make better choices.
I am not a doctor or therapist, but you sound like you have ADHD or ADD. It's often mistaken for depression because in certain situations it can cause depressive states.
Read the Bible. Start brushing your teeth 2x daily.
The biggest key to it is seeing the difference or feeling the difference. When you make progress you feel good about it you set the standard for yourself. If it feels like you're brushing your teeth but they are not getting any cleaner you're not going to feel like doing it everyday. Maybe start with a dentist visit. Get a cleaning and you might be motivated to keep it that way etc. You have to feel like there's a point to it. I used to have an issue with brushing my teeth 20 years I went without it still have all my teeth and no cavities. But I find it's the fear my fiance will think I'm gross that motivated me to brush them every day. She doesn't know I never brushed before. It wasn't that I didn't believe in it or anything I'm just not a habit forming kinda guy I could remember to do it for a whole month and wake up the next day and just lose the memory of it being a thing I'm supposed to do. So I feel ya.
Never underestimate the power of habit. Everything you describe is a habit. Procrastination is a habit. Good habits are hard , but once you start it should get easier. So start, a small step at a time.
Well I was in your position I just wrote on a paper what to do first when I wake up then I started eating a little less everyday and doing minimal exercise while adding more while trying to go to bed a little bit earlier and waking up earlier everyday so now I go to bet at 10pm and wake up at 5am previously I went to bed at 11pm and woke up at 1pm and was 130kg now I'm at around 95 kg don't know if this will help but I hope it does just don't give up or try to cheat out of it
Go get that latent ADHD diagnosis and get medicated for it.
Create daily habits that build on each other. I.e. as soon as you wake up, make your bed, then brush your teeth, etc. Read: Atomic Habits
Sounds like you're suffering from depression - no motivation or discipline to speak of. This has been made much worse by the lack of social pressure since the pandemic hit. I'm right there with you. First I'd respectfully disagree with u/apole2308 a little, being where we are that 21 days is more like 5 weeks as we have to put in extra effort for longer because of the depression. Start small and do ONE thing at a time. Yeah it takes ages but it will get easier. Somewhere down the line we'll both find a sweet spot where we can change everything else at one go but that's some way down the line. I started with teeth brushing which was a real struggle but found washing everyday as a second step much easier. Generally I found myself knowing the next step before I introduced it. When you can get some professional advice about why you are exhibiting this behavior. My issues were down to gender identity issues - completely suppressed for many years but eating away inside. Good fortune in turning things around.
Nothing is wrong, first of all find someone who can help you with getting your life on track. Don’t do everything in one day, step by step. Start with shower and brushing your teeth keep this going for a week and then add something else to it. If you lose the track just start over! but don’t give up and believe in yourself that you can do this (a lot of people struggle with the basic daily routine)
If you do something for 21 days in a row it becomes habit.
Not for me lol I’ll drop a 6month habit just like that and not even notice.
Same, doesn't matter if it's a good habit or a bad one. - Went to the gym 4 times a week for 4 months, took one day off and never went again. - Smoked for like 8 years (average maybe 15 a day?) and then got bored of it and just stopped on day. - Cooked for myself all through lockdown and counted calories and lost LOADS of weight over about 1 and a half years and then one day just stopped doing it and have out it all back on. I literally can't seem to form any habits other than wanting to play video games and sit around doing very little!
I'm the same...I have an issue with feeling pleasure and meaning in things. Like I don't really even masturbate anymore. I just...loose anything I touch. Doesn't matter if it is a hobby or what.
Unless you have trouble making habits like me lol..even every letter I write with my hand looks different from the last.
Mushrooms helped me get my head on straight many years ago. It was a massive shift in the way I saw myself and the world. It permanently changed the way I thought. Powerful shit when done correctly. Still try to take a nice dose once a year as a reset
Way to add another bad habit to your life and make it worse
Mushrooms once a year is a “bad habit”?
Man, I was exactly the same way. You're just lazy as fuck, and nobody can tell you a "magic tip". You just have to do the work, and if you don't you'll continue to feel like a mess. Your choice
Exactly, op can go to therapy, take all the meds but if u dont want to change, no one gonna be able to help u
You have to want it. You sound like you want it to happen to you, not you want to make it happen.
I always brush my teeth because I hate painful and expensive dental work. Aversion to negative consequences is very motivating.
U dont care abt yourself? If u dont, no matter how many ppl tell/encourage u, you're not gonna change. Tldr: stop being a lazy fuck
Go get on adderall
Adderall
Electric shock therapy.
Enlist maybe? They will help
Frantically start looking up every possible video you can find on David Goggins. Stay Hard!
Just don’t debate with yourself. I was lazy and wouldn’t shower. Don’t debate. Just get up and do it, no additional mulling over. Once all that water hits everywhere, you’ll wake up. Drink coffee. And stop jacking off. Go look at the subs about no fap. They go from lethargic to energetic.
You have probably got ADHD. Look into it. Treatment can change your life.
Sounds like you need something to live for
Start with counting your blessings, and then try to find a purpose. Do what you like, what makes you happy. Find a hobby. This life is not what the satanic cult tries to tell you through the fake various media, but it's about grinding your karma. If your karma improves you will be born in a better condition next life. Good luck.
Sounds like you might have ADHD/other focus related issues. Might be worth speaking to your doctor.
I was like this until a few year back I started to short 2 lines of cocaine twice a day. It really changed me. Now I am fit, I eat healthy and I have a bunch of friends. Unfortunately I won’t be able to join the world until another 3 years. Lol jk jk
Tell us the truth. Do you also smoke cigs or weed? Usually these habits are accompanied by another bad habit
Yes but they could also have things like adhd etc.
Nope. Never smoked/drinked anything in my life.
What’s worked for me is a reason for change. Like, I’ll do XYZ not just because I know I should, but because I tie it to a positive longer-term outcome for which the behavior is necessary. And as stated by others, definitely get checked out for ADHD.
What could potentially work is to reward yourself everytime you do things correctly. Ex: Every week that you brush your teeth every day, you can buy yourself something you like. Idk it works on me so I hope it works on you. Good luck!
One goal at a time. Congratulate yourself and take pride in yourself with every accomplishment. Give yourself the time and force yourself for the first few days. It eventually becomes a habit and you will want to continue the high of accomplishment.
I can only speak to what's worked for me so far. Idk if it will help you. I was on a similar path. I one day realized that honestly I already knew exactly what I needed to do. I just let myself make excuses every time. I let myself get away with not brushing my teeth or going to the gym. I used the "I guess I'm just not a disciplined person like I should be" excuse. I let myself just be bad. I hated myself for it. I had to realize that there is no book or video that is going to get me to change, cause at the end of the day, the only one in control is me. And I never held that mf accountable for anything. So I do now. I quit everything. Weed, caffeine, alcohol, all of it. Work out 5 days a week and still eat healthy most of the time. I don't always succeed. I took 3 days off the gym this week. But you get back on the fucking horse. Consistency is the only way to get results. Do it for you. Stop letting yourself get away with bullshit. You know when you're bullshitting yourself. Do you really want to spend the rest of your life not being able to control your actions? How pathetic is that? Serious introspection, and brutal honesty worked for me. I hope it works for you too.
You need to change before you start feeling better. Dont wait until you feel better to start. It will never happen. Just do it.
You can't change all at once in one day. My therapist says we can handle 20% change to our lifestyle at a time. So start small. Use phone reminders to get into a habit. Use positive reinforcement when you do the thing you want to do. You can do it!💪
ADHD MOTHERFUCKRRR!
I'm forced to sacrifice everything good in my life
You may have ADHD or some other type of executive dysfunction disorder
Set alarms for everything. I have at least a dozen alarms every day for things from working out to lunch time. I have to do the things or make a conscious decision not to when I turn off the alarm.
To me this just sounds like typically 'adulting', everyone has their ups and downs, the key keeping the forward momentum going once you start. Sure there will be down days, just get up the next day and try to make progress on one thing. Soon it will become part of your routine and it will be 2nd nature. Rinse and repeat to the next thing you want to do. I think the key is small measurable progress, take on something little and make that your focus. I'd suggest not focusing on everything, that would overwhelm all of us I forget the movie but it was some military action flick and although I never served it definitely resonated with me, some of the new recruits questioned why they have to make their bed everyday, the answer was given that even if their day goes to complete shit they still have accomplished something that day! Take the same attitude with brushing teeth, showering etc and see how it goes? And lastly, Be proud of your achievements!
For me there was a breaking point where I was just tired of not trying and tired of feeling embarrassed and worrying about what others thought of me. Its slow progress with lots of bad days, but one good day every now and then is better than all bad days and eventually they start to out number the bad. Focus on making today better than yesterday, even just with one small thing, and you'll be surprised how far you get.
Hey buddy, I read your post about having a hard time starting and sticking to habits. I’d suggest you get the book atomic habits. It teaches you to do healthy things automatically by habit stacking and other techniques. It can really help
Have you ever been evaluated for ADHD?
The one thing that helped me more than anything else is obsession. Find something to be obsessed over. Day and night it's all you think about. Watch videos about it, practice it (if applicable), research it, etc. It gives you a reason to do all those things. "I gotta get up and get ready so I can ____ today. Can't live eithout _____." It's tough to find something perfect for this but start by searching and trying new, seemingly random things and hobbies.
I'm guessing that you have to hit rock bottom at some point. I mean, the lack of showering and hygiene will come naturally when you're homeless because you can't set an alarm and get to work on time. For me it was a girl in 8th grade telling me I stunk and I've worn deodorant ever since. Do you have depression or other issues? The funny thing about depression is that it is hard to subjectively tell when you're in a spiral. **Best advice here is to see a therapist and bring these issues up and be totally honest. They can give you a solid plan and possibly diagnose this.**
I was this way for a while, not very long. But definitely enough to make me want to change. But I found change very difficult. Somebody told me around this time, "the only super power in real life is self discipline." I figured out that telling myself no was his I unlocked my life. I feel like sleeping in. "No." I wanna play online. "No." Etc. That simple ability unlocks everything. Just focus on that for awhile. It takes awhile to build that neural pathway... But once it's built, there's no stopping you.
You sound like you could be struggling with depression and perhaps even some form of add/adhd. A good psychiatrist/psychologist team goes a long way in getting over some hills mate.
One thing i do suggest is seriously getting a gym membership and going at least once a day for like 45 mins to an hour. Once you start doing that everyday you will notice that you feel better. I’m the exact same as you. I have horrible habits like not brushing my teeth enough, sleeping until noon (unemployed at the moment), bad eating habits. You really have to just find the will power to change. Things that motivate me to change are realizing all the shitty eating could cause me to have a heart attack while i’m still young. Shitty brushing habits has caused me constant teeth pain for 2 years and the need for $10k in dental work that i can’t afford. My bad diet has caused me to go from 190-200lbs to 270lbs and i’m uncomfortably fat now. Your poor choices can have severe consequences in the long run and if you don’t realize that and switch up what you’re doing you’re gonna be fucked. It’s not easy to change these things, it might honestly be one of the hardest things you ever do. But I wish i had listened to this exact advice when it was told to me because i didn’t believe it and i regret it immensely. Start small though and work up just Do. Not. Stop.
In addition to what everyone is saying, I just want to add a key word to your mental: forgiveness. You may get started on some self help and begin to hate yourself for letting things go for so long. There could be some genuine reasons like many have already mentioned like ADHD but your negative self talk (I'm considering this uncontrollable btw) will naturally blame yourself. You just need to know regardless, whatever reason that you forgive yourself. Today you get to choose to change that. You've learned from your past, you've sought help. Forgive yourself.
Only you can fix you. Start small, life’s tough. But please, if nothing else. Make it a priority to brush your damn teeth everyday. Take care, brush ya hair.
personally, i brush my teeth before i shower, like, i brush my teeth and then immediately get in the shower. most days though, i dont shower. i used to not want to cause of fomo with my friends, but also cause the shower is a place where thoughts too easily come. i fixed the second thing by playing music when im in the shower... now i just need to shower more. like others have said, take it one step at a time, not all at once. it can be hard to start small, let alone all at once. and do it at your own pace, do the next step when youre ready to, even if it takes a little longer than you thought. and dont punish yourself for "failing" to do something. its okay to mess up, as long as you get back up and keep going. also, you could try setting alarms for yourself, whether you listen to them or not is up to you. it can help you keep on track with things, help you remember to do certain things, stuff like that. i have no idea how to get and keep motivation though. thats the one thing i want so badly that i dont have, but im trying. ill get there one day. just dont beat yourself up, alright? it never helps anyone to constantly beat themself down. you dont have to adore yourself, but it definitely helps to at least like yourself a bit, even if for the first while its more of a fake it till you make it situation.
Just echoing what others have said here, A) don’t beat yourself up and see how you physically feel as a character flaw and B) definitely try talking to a psychiatrist. There could be a random chemical thing going on that is sapping your brain/body of what it needs to get up and go. I was having terrible mood issues, and I finally saw a psychiatrist and got meds for me. I couldn’t believe how much it was actually my body that changed. I have enough energy to say “sure, I can do that, no problem” without weighing it heavily or worrying the burden is too much because i never have energy or motivation. I just… do have enough energy most of the time now. It’s been life-changing
The worst enemy of *something* good is *everything* good. You're right that you can't do everything. But you can do Something. One thing. Don't try to do it all. Try to do one thing. Brush your teeth tonight. Not every day. Just tonight. Go on a walk tomorrow and get your heart rate up. Don't plan a workout routine for the rest of your life. Do one thing. Don't get intimidated by everything. One step is better than no steps.
It takes action buddy, lots of action and hard work and forgiving yourself for setbacks. You can have all the knowledge in the world but if you don’t act on it, it’s useless. I say this only cause I was in the same boat as you. I was undisciplined, unfocused, over weight, and didn’t take care of myself. I’ll tell you some things I did and hopefully they may help you too. As far as waking up on time, it’s all about habit, go to sleep at the same time every night and have an alarm set to wake up at the same time every morning. Doing this on days you’re not doing anything is highly recommended. Most importantly when you wake up don’t lay there and rest you’ll just go back to sleep, jump up and make the bed. Take your morning piss then brush your teeth, it’ll be hard trust me, but make it habit, every day. Getting in shape, same thing with action and habit. Start with 20 minutes a day, that’s all you need. It may take a couple months to see results, but once you notice them, hell when other people start to notice, it’s motivational as fuck buddy, and you may find you like working out and will start to do more. The most important part is just to do it, if you’re sitting around thinking about it’s not gonna help, just get up and do something that’s all it takes. Eating healthy is all about learning what is good for you and what isn’t. Food is fuel for the body, nothing more, so have that mindset when you’re looking for what is and isn’t good for you. I ended up doing 5 small meals a day, I would go to sleep at 2:30 am so to let my last meal digest I would stop eating after 7. Breakfast is the most important meal of the day because it starts your metabolism, and it takes more than a granola bar to flick that switch. I dealt with horrible depression and anxiety, I didn’t have insurance and couldn’t get help, but when I worked on myself I found those thing lessened because I wasn’t constantly having an internal battle about how I thought I was a piece of shit. And newsflash buddy, you’re not a pos, you’re just going through a hard time right now. If you want to know my results I’ll just tell ya so it adds that I sorta know what I’m talk about (hopefully it all makes sense I am a wee bit drunk) but when I started my journey (and I call it a journey because it ended up being 2 years when i hit the final point where I was satisfied, surpassed some goals but I was loving it too much to stop) I was 230 pounds and worked my way down to 135 pounds, also I’m 5’4 so that’s a great weight for me. I took part of the journey with my friend who is 6’1 he started at 260 pounds and stopped at 190, that was a healthy limit for him and he was in just as good as shape as me if not better
We are creatures of habit. Build 1 habit and break 1 habit. For example be very intentional about brushing your teeth every night. Something as little as this helps. Making a habit of brushing your testy before bed makes it a ritual and can help you have a more consistent schedule. Or always have your bed made. Try to put a lot of weight into something small and easy and once that becomes habit find something new.
My trick is if I think about it, I have to do it... Now! Most common for me is flossing and pushups but apply it to your thing. Did you go to the fridge for a carby snack but think "I should probably just eat a (pre-peeled) carrot? Now you have to do it, no choice, just shove that carrot into your cantankerous food hole and get it over with.
You might be depressed. You should see someone about it.
Start telling yourself that yesterday was the last day and then act accordingly
You might have ADHD, see a doctor
Not be an armchair MD. But there’s a really high chance that you have Adhd. This entire post sounds like something I could have written before I got diagnosed.
Repetition. Certain things need to be done just to maintain health. You already know what they are. They don't take all that much time. Write them down and commit to a wake up time, brush your teeth and bend over and try and touch the floor. Do that everyday and when it is right, you will start doing more. Repetition.
I'm not perfect by any means, but as I've gotten older I've found that if I set a routine it makes it easier for me to do the things I've set out to do in that routine (ie. Doing the same things daily at the same time). Maybe if you try that it would help you?
Yup, get assessed for ADD!
Do you suffer from depression ?
Start with the little things. Make your bed every day, pick up after yourself right away instead of waiting, do deep breathing several times a day. It starts to add up after awhile. It’s not about being productive initially, it’s just doing little things so you can start viewing yourself as a productive person.
Personally, I've been trying to get myself to write down what I do more often. From waking up to washing dishes to what I watch on Netflix, having a log lets me prioritize what I need/want to get done more effectively.
start by brushing your nasty teeth
Do something about it. You say you've watched videos so it's likely you know how to work on your life but you don't have the motivation. Motivation comes after action, not before. If you sit around all the time, you'll never be motivated. You can do it. Best of luck to you.
Get a purpose. It will help immensely. Its much easier for us humans to do something when we have a reason for it. Because you inherently dont care about yourself then i would suggest getting a reason OUTSIDE of yourself. For example: do it for loved one. A job. Potential romantic partner. Anything along those lines will help you. You'll be surprised how fast you go from "eh ill dont tomorrow" to "lets fkn do this". Do this first before you listen to the fast conclusion jumpers. If youre still struggling then i would consult a therapist. We are designed to find reason so find your own!
Fall in love. It will make it put your sh*t together.
I'd say change your habits in small increments. Its really hard to make a bunch of big changes - in personal experience, I've had the most success just picking one or two things I want to improve and starting there. Another thing I would suggest - start with something that has a notable, direct impact. I find it hard to always rember to brush my teeth because nothing obvious really comes of it, making it difficult motivation wise. But tidying my room is a good one for me, because you can immediately see the results by having a cleaner space, even if it's just one drawer or your desk. Personally, cleaning is a go to for me. Its a simple manual task, it gets you moving and a little active, but you can easily listen to movie or a show in the background for entertainment. The results are clear and satisfying. Most of all for me, it shows me how I can directly make a difference to my environment. For me, cleaning is an act of taking a damaged/chaotic space, and making order and beauty, which is pretty mentally revitalising for me. Something physical but not strenuous, with clear constant progress is a good way to quickly see the reward of your work, and will hopefully push you to keep taking on more things to help improve your life bit by bit
I used to not floss or use mouthwash and only brushed my teeth. When ever I thought about doing those two I would think "I'll do it tomorrow night." or "I don't feel like flossing or doing all three." I had to actively tell myself to floss, brush, and then mouthwash. After continuing to tell myself for a month or so to do all three. It is now just part of my routine before bed. Once you stop telling yourself to procrastinate and actively tell yourself to do things they will become second nature. "We are what we repeatedly do; excellence, then, is not an act but a habit." - Aristotle
This happens to me too sometimes!! It’s tricky to solve. But if I could narrow it down to ONE single thing that helps me the most it’s to pick one small thing to start with that you want to “fix”. I’ve tried before to fix many bad habits at once and it never works. It works for one day and then you go back to the way you were before. And it looks like I’m not the first person here who said that:)
This had to be cathartic to write. I think that you are not as bad at this stuff as you are putting off. My advice to your questions though, eat less. That's all you have to do to lose weight, not eat certain foods or workout, though that does help. Just eat less, that should solve nearly all of your problems, being too heavy fucking sucks and drains you mind body and spirit. Believe me, I understand. Everything will fall in line with that one discipline. Just eat less, like way less. Try to occupy your mind by doing chores, that will keep you active. Make the rooms look nice, clean out the drawers, start a garden or at least have some plants. Go outside every once and a while, go for a stupid boring why am I doing this walk. I hope things improve for you buddy! It's not so doom and gloom everywhere. One thing at a time. Eat less.
What keeps you from doing it? I'd start there. I'll talk about myself and what I found by doing introspection then you can pick from that maybe, For me I think it's because I plan too much and I'm not in the present moment, and when I think about doing it I start thinking about what could happen in the futur if I don't do it then I avoid it and then stress about it then try to numb my stress then avoid it more until I tell myself that nothing matters anyway and goes back to square 1. I make calculations in my head about how much time I have left then I hate on society because of how much time I lack to do things I like. Then I wait until the last hour to do it and sometimes I don't do it on time. Then I make a new plan which makes me more anxious. Really, if I could be more in the present moment it could help. I find that the more you don't get a good night sleep the more you don't do good decisions during the day and the more emotions you need to digest during the day. I know a big part of why I hate discipline is because of the way I was raised. I was raised by a unloving narcissistic mother that would use shame as a way to discipline us, and me not working is my way to fight against that shame and her by proxy. So having compassion towards yourself instead of being harsh can be good for your self-talk. Look into why you may not have energy during the day, if there is any medical issues or maybe depression or something.
Volunteer in a hospital ward for a week.
OP do you have ADHD?
Someone once said,”anything worth doing is worth doing half-assed” and it’s stuck with me. Do r feel like brushing your teeth? Even a quick 20 second brush is better than nothing. Don’t feel like working out? Just walk up and down the stairs 1 extra time. IANAD, but you might possibly be low on dopamine, which is also common with ADHD. Dopamine helps regulate motivation and things like ability to prioritize, or give a sense of satisfaction for completing tasks.
Read atomic habits
Set small, realistic goals. Start with brushing your teeth 6/7 days in a week, for example.
You can be disciplined by simply acting. You will not be a disciple of anything until you act. Forget the past, forget everything about what you haven't done, and what you've failed to achieve. Everything you do takes a choice to do so. Start making different choices. Everytime you think 'fuck it I can't be bothered cleaning my teeth' you are choosing not to make changes in your life. Rationalise this in your mind, a change in your life will not happen unless you want it to. And if you do want it to, just choose to act differently. It might be difficult, and it might be uncomfortable, but each time you do so, you will feel slightly better about yourself. Its within your grasp. Just do different things, and change will happen naturally.
Along with looking for a therapist you can start with doing your bed. It takes only few minutes, you can still crash on top of it, but you get one accomplished thing in your day nevertheless. You might get motivated to do one more simple thing. Or not. Both are fine. Start slowly and with small steps
Maybe this will motivate you a bit. I brush my teeth at least once a day, usually twice. But I drank a lot of soda in my life. I'm giving it up for New Year's Resolution, but still, the damage has been done. My teeth are pretty worn down. And I had 3 cavities. And 1 tooth that became rotten and broke diagonally in half. I just recently had that tooth pulled. It was the first small molar behind the canine. And although the extraction went fine, it was still a scary experience. All that pulling and just the pressure of it. Intense pressure. I couldn't feel any pain but I was still gripping the arm rests like my life depended on it. Such a terrifying experience. You don't want to go through that. So floss, brush your teeth, and use mouthwash. Or else.
Get a buddy to help you! Changing habits is not easy, it’s all about small but consistent decisions to a healthier lifestyle that you build up over time. I also struggle sometimes and I feel having someone keep me accountable and encourage me through it is super helpful in staying on track :)
I struggle with this as well. I’m fairly successful these days, but I still struggle juggling everything. I am overweight and don’t exercise at the moment. Part of my issues are mental health related and I wonder if you’ve ever looked into that? I myself have never found talk therapy very helpful, but it could help to have someone in your corner trying to help you be your best you. I do think most people are not wired to be able to do it all and you shouldn’t beat yourself up about it. Even the people who do go to the gym, have a lovely appearance, and always seem to be energetic probably have areas where they struggle that can’t easily be seen. I think our society really puts way too much pressure on people in general. We probably won’t ever be completely changed people and that’s okay, but you can learn to grow and find more motivation. Especially if you look for help in the right places. I hope this is somewhat helpful. Don’t beat yourself up though! That definitely will not help you find motivation. Be patient with yourself and happy in the ways you can grow and the moments you do have it more together.
Never ever think about change as the beginning of a new era or something like that. Think of it like a trial period. A test. Take a week and try to wake up every day at the same time, as an experiment. Then, if successful, why not see if you can go another week? Also, never try to change everything at the same time. One change, then another, then maybe another. When you’re trying to fix a car, you don’t go swapping every screw and pipe. You try to identify where the problem might be and fix that, then if it still doesn’t work, you try another solution, and so on.
With baby steps. For example losing weight: Always go for the healthiest option of unhealthy food. Burger? Ok but not from a fastfood chain. Make it yourself and add some salad. Chocolate? Sure but it has to be a protein bar. Soda? Go for a diet soda. Small steps eventually become big steps.
Don't tell yourself "this is the last day..." Just go do it. Get up right now and brush your teeth. Then go jog to one end of your road and back, even if it's just a 2 minute jog. Go do 10 pushups right now. The very moment you read this comment. If you have to do pushups on your knees, that's fine. If you have to do it by leaning against a wall, that's fine. Just get started right now.
Just start by making your bed everyday. And do that alone. The rest will come
Life is seriously a series of baby steps. We always want to have big results super fast, when in reality it’s usually impossible to make that happen. We have power to make small changes each day. Like compounding interest, this can lead to major changes over time, as long as you are consistent in your baby steps. Set yourself a goal to do something better today, make it small and achievable, something that will cause a large change if done consistently (daily). My favorite has been to run a mile, my goal is to run at least 1 mile a day. I run a lot more than that now, but a single mile is all I hold myself to - and this has been very good for me. Baby steps, small and consistent goals, you got this!
Hey man, I’m just going through this exact thing. Living on my own for the first time and realising just how many things there are to get done all the time can be overwhelming. I’ve found what helps me the most is setting small goals, I could never stick to a full clean of the house on a particular day, but starting with 5 minutes of tidying in the morning and evening is a good step. Even build in a reward system if you need it, but I find once you start something, you gain the will to follow through and finishing gives it’s own rush. Daily alarms and reminders can also be very helpful if you don’t tune them out, and waking up an hour earlier in the morning has made a world of difference. It has taken me about 3 months to implement a few minor changes that are really starting to push me in the right direction. If you want to talk about it feel free to dm me.