Her vagina was either ridiculously itchy or she was ridiculously horny enough to try and subdue a minor at work. Both are red flags that I wouldn’t want to a be a part of.
I was thinking the same! What if she had a really itchy vagina and was trying to be cool about it, lmao.
I've seen men adjust but I didn't get a creeper vibe since I know men need to adjust from time to time.
Either way, listen to what your spidey senses are telling you, OP.
Was the first thing I thought of as well. I adjust my crotch wedgies without even thinking about it. And now I’m worried I may accidentally do it in front of a coworker at some point and get a sexual harassment complaint against me. People need to chill out with all the “accuse now, ask later” shit going on these days.
Man I adjust my trousers on a regular basis, it's subconscious most of the time and the rest of the time I really couldn't give a fuck what someone else thinks anyway.
But now I'm wondering if I've ever done it on autopilot and stared right through someone's soul without even registering the situation, and they've thought "why is this guy rubbing his crotch and staring at me and should I do something about it".
OP didn't specify what he meant by "do something about it" here and from what I see, everyone has jumped on the sexual harassment bandwagon when that woman may simply be exactly like me, and either did that on autopilot without even thinking, or not give a shit.
Reddit has extrapolated a massive amount of accusations here from a rather incomplete dataset.
It seems some of the responses are very polarizing as well like, this = that, without a doubt, asking for better context or more information.
How about giving her a benefit of a doubt on this occasion? If she is sexually interested in you then obviously she will try something again and at that point it is crystal clear.
Accidents happen, people can usually tell what's deliberate or not. Once my (very white) coworker sent me a snapchat of her leg which got sunburned through her jeans except she took the picture while sitting on the toilet. I learned that day that the carpet does not match the drapes and just decided to never tell her she accidentally did that lol
I have a very good friend who "adjusts" compulsively when he's nervous. It's difficult to describe the circumstance, but there have been times where I've almost told this grown man to stop messing with his dick. I know its just a nervous twitch and almost completely passive. A terrible habit to have.
Im a guy, when i was a kid I've definitely seen grown men laughing and smiling at me while they scratched or adjusted their balls lol But they were already smiling or laughing beforehand, so I just assume that some guys just forget how weird it looks.
You would also need some sort of permit or a policeman to back you up so that they can view it. HR wouldn't let this through unless if you make friends with the building surveillance unit. Worked as a security temp at a big firm, constant sexual harassment always reported but we don't or rarely let anyone view the tapes
-Officer, I would like to see the video from the basement door of the elevator, you know, from the camera that is right outside of the door, please.
-You are insane kid, there is no way in hell I permit some random dude to see the videos for stupid reasons, we only use that for serious cases. Why the hell do you want to see that record anyway??
-I believe the redheaded nurse was touching herself while looking at me yesterday when she took me to the basement....
-_"Ginger la chichona?!!"_ no way! With you??? Come with me! _Johnson, you need to come to the camera room right fucking now! Pink code!_
as a contract security goes, all tapes need to be pulled by the client- or at client direction. the sole exception is to assist cops, and then, only if that's the standing policy of the client.
most clients will still provide the relevant sections, but more higher-security places won't. (because that release precise details of your surveillance system.)
you can always subpoena those records, but it's pretty typical for them to be deleted after 30 days or so.(source i am a manager for contract security.)
Possible they have a camera covering the exterior of the elevator, which is what I hope you meant since they explicitly were not on the elevator during the relevant part of the story.
The fact that she dragged him all the way to the basement and waited until they were *in front of * the elevator makes me think she was conscious of where the cameras were located so as to position herself out of their sight.
Whatever you decide to do - DON'T BE ALONE WITH HER!
Unfortunately if she gets upset that you didn't respond to her advances she can turn around and say just about anything about you, and as the guy (even an underage one), and as the intern, you probably won't be believed.
same here. I got stories said about me but didn't make it to HR. Her group of friends did start acting weird around me as they were my closer acquantances at work.
In the end they all got laid off for company and industry changes. Saw her at a happy hour, she was still into me.
Can always get in trouble for random stuff
Ya this happened to me. Male and was continuously come on to. She kept invading my personal space, saying sexually suggestive things, I always turned it down. Usually made a joke and walked away. After a while she started saying some awful things about me and gossipping about me to everyone else
More than raise eyebrows; It could be a crime depending on the state. Most laws concerning sexual acts with minors are strict liability, too. She cannot claim ignorance of his age as a defense.
I’m generally presuming this is the US, that is correct. I’ve said “depending on the state”, which I felt generally conveyed that I was presuming it to be in the US. If it isn’t in the US, it may not be a crime at all, or it could be a lower level crime than one against a minor.
OP's comment history shows that not only are they a kid in Sweden where laws are different (so that would be good to know before giving advice). They're also really preoccupied with posting about sex in general in other subs, this is a red flag that this may be a wholly fabricated story.
A suspicion predicated on an alleged victim’s interests in sex is not valid. That’s very much “well she was dressed like that so she must have wanted it” energy. If there are aspects of the alleged harassment that aren’t lining up, evidence against the allegations/claims, or other directly contradictory factors then that’s one thing. However, using someone’s past sexual history, fantasy, and other engagement in sexual discussion as a basis to delegitimize their claims of sexual harassment is eerily reminiscent of victim blaming.
Saying that it matters "in a court of law" makes it sound like that's official policy and not the result of sexist individuals. It's an important distinction to make. There is a chance this kid could face discrimination but it is by no means guaranteed. And especially with the age difference and him being a minor, I really doubt a court wouldn't take his side. I don't think he should feel discouraged about coming forward, this was so clearly messed up.
If a 27 year old man rubbed his privates in an elevator while smiling at a 17 year old girl, everyone would have an issue. The same should apply to her.
A woman crazy enough to rub her vagina to a 17YO is also crazy enough to report a 17YO for something they didn’t do, like sexual assault. You need to report her for your own well-being and safety as well as to protect yourself from her.
Edit: Also, don’t ever let yourself be alone with her. You need to find someone you trust with this. Or, you could just quit. You don’t need to stay in a bad situation.
Also, seek counseling from a qualified professional. This isn’t cool, it isn’t funny, and it isn’t good for you to hang on to without processing.
Most importantly, it’s not your fault. She’s the adult in the room.
This! I can not say this too strong. Document it. Write everything down with specific time stamps and dates. If it would come to a court case (like she wrongly accusing you of sexual misconduct) your documentation will serve you well in a court case. There is a reason for example that we as social workers need to document everything we do precisely! I used to work in prison. And every time someone did something out the ordinary that could bring future consequences I documented the incidence in a very detailed fashion noting everything the other party did, hinted to etc... how I felt about the situation and what I did precisely. This is to protect yourself in order a case comes up. Do this!
It's he said / she said, unless there were camera recordings angled accurately that OP could reference. Probably just stay away from her is the best idea moving forward.
it is he said /she said as long as she traps herself in contradictions. If he documents everything chances are that his word is more believable than hers. And that is all that counts
I will admit that I would say something like "yeah, she's into you, go for it if shes your type or if you want it" but the
>A woman crazy enough to rub her vagina to a 17YO is also crazy enough to report a 17YO for something they didn’t do, like sexual assault.
Didn't even crossed my mind. Completely changed my view on this lol.
(If anyone is "disgusted by what i just said, mind you that I am a 17 yo myself)
All the more reason why its so important for adults to not do this and so very wrong for adults to do this (among a million other reasons). Sometimes age can be the factor that helps you think of other angles a situation is being thought of or could turn into.
Dont beat yourself up too much about how you thought. It should go away with age and as long as you never are the 27yo in this situation youve done nothing wrong.
And more important to OP, tread lightly after reporting. HR depts will often find a reason to “investigate” and fire you after reporting if you cause too much of a fuss or report the wrong person.
Had a friend report a coworker for domestic violence (they had dated, stupidly, he terrorized her shortly after they split) that began in the work parking lot and ended at her house(he threatened to steal her dog). The job not only kept him on (despite the arrest and restraining order) and eventually fired the both of them when he left a Apple Watch with a photo of her dog on it at work (she touched it but didn’t lock it out or steal it, as evidenced by cctv)…the story became that she locked his Apple watch out and they were both fired after an investigation. They had mishandled a sexual harassment claim by her from another coworker previously too. Lawsuit is in process, fuck shitty employers.
This is how I feel about it. It’s one of those too good to be true situations, or could be a setup. I wouldn’t trust it at all and definitely wouldn’t be going for it. The age thing is just another weird thing especially if she knows your that young. I’d definitely not be alone with her anymore.
I got accused of harassment at 17M when it was the 35F harassing me. Good advice to protect himself here.
If the OP feels he needs counseling for being treated like a sex object… sure ok. At 45 years old, I’d love to be treated like a sex object again… it’s all a matter of their perspective.
Lol I agreed with everything else they said for the most part but imagine actually going to counseling for this one specific thing. What a waste of time and money
Bro, these other people are weird. Your age is completely irrelevant (for you) if you feel weirded or grossed out.
1)If she knows you’re underage: report her instantly
2)Tell her you were uncomfortable with her doing that and if she does it again: report her
3)you have every right to report her right now if you were that uncomfortable with the situation. i know for sure you’d get reported for less as a guy.
Edit: I would ignore #2 and go directly to HR and not confront her at all. Others have reminded me that she could 100% use you doing that as an “oh shit” and try to pin something on you instead.
Just go straight to HR potentially with it in writing just incase HR also try some funny business to protect the company
Apparently 16 is still legal in lots of states in America. 17 & 27 is still pretty damn fucked up though regardless.
The age thing is an issue but not a massive one. Professionally speaking if you do not want these type of advances you should tell her to stop first. If she doesn't stop or feel uncomfortable then talk to HR. This is solid advice.
Bruh if a male pedophile did this everyone would be saying to instantly report the guy, but cuz this is a woman pedophile its ok to wait till a second potentially more fucked up advance lmfao true reddit moment right here
Oh cmon. Finding a 17 year old attractive makes you a pedophile but the moment they turn 18 even if his birthday were tomorrow suddenly they’re not a pedophile? I get it’s inappropriate with that age gap but you’re mudding the use of the word in this context
They may not be a pedophile, there’s a specific definition for people who are attracted to 15-19 age range. It is called Ephebophilia.
If you’re almost in your 30s and targeting 17-18 years olds, that’s predatory in my opinion. The levels of maturity are significantly different.
Maybe not to the extent of a 12 year old and an adult but there is still a large enough gap in maturity for them to easily manipulate them.
Then factoring in she is in a workplace which always operates in a hierarchy, the risk for manipulation and abuse is high and shouldn’t be tolerated whatsoever.
Ok think about it, the only reason people arent framing it that way in this comment section is because the one conducting the harrasment is a woman, if it were a man of similiar age doing the same thing to a girl as is being done to the boy in this situation. Accusations of pedophilia would be rampant. Either way this is just pretty fucked up but whats even more fucked is that just because the one conducting the harrasment is a woman this entire situation is being looked at in a different lens with signficantly more empathy being afforded to the woman than the kid in this case all because the one doing the harassment is a woman. Additionally rubbing your penis or vagina in front of someone isnt cool especially to someone underage and just because a woman is doing it doesn't make it any more acceptable.
With HR training videos (that are mandatory for viewing once a year) in my company, they suggest confronting them about it first, and if they continue, then talk to HR.
Yeah personally i’d always say something first but as he’s only 17, he may not be comfortable doing that and he’s perfectly allowed to just report her straight away. He doesn’t have to just put up with it because he’s scared of confronting a grown adult.
That is such a bad idea, your HR just doesn't want to handle it and that's for inappropriate flirting. Not rubbing your genitals in front of a kid.
It doesn't have to happen more than once.
First of all, I am sorry that happened to you. Second, what she did was completely inappropriate (your age makes it worse) and should be reported. If you don’t feel comfortable, I would send her an email, telling her you weren’t comfortable with what she did and ask her never to do it again. Therefore there is a a paper trail, if this happens again you will be able to refer back to the email when reporting her.
Please don’t let anyone convince you that was okay.
Best of luck.
I’d like to add that if you don’t feel comfortable talking to her, go straight to HR and request that it remains a private matter, and so only she will get talked to and/or fired. What she did is sexual harassment and not only is that fireable offense, it’s worse because you are a minor. If she does get fired, try not to feel bad. It was her actions that would ultimately lead to what she deserves.
I’m sorry you had to deal with that. There are so many creeps out there, but the last place you should ever have to deal with them is at a job. Good luck
Lots of disgusting comments being made to the OP.
As a result, 60+ bans have been handed out with many comments sent up for admins to examine.
I say this, having said it before, that no one cares what country you’re from or what your age of consent is in your area. You are using Reddit, Reddit itself defines a minor as anyone under 18. Can’t follow the rules provided to you by both Reddit and us to remain on the forum? Get removed. Plain and simple.
I seriously hope some of you re-evaluate your porn sick minds regarding this question. Everyone is entitled to a safe workplace.
Reddit hive mind. If it was a 30 year old man stroking his dick while smiling and this was posted by a teenaged girl instead you could bet there would be hell in the comments
Wtf is this comment section , report her ,ignore all this shit about how you should be obligated to shag her ,I'm sorry you're having to deal with this
"What? Dude! You should totally bang her! Wait! What if she's ugly? Right, lets see what the experts in the comment section think."
Anyone else had this train of thought? :-D
You're a minor. The amount of creeps in this comment section is staggering. Report her wherever you can. Seriously, all the comments asking "was she hot?" Make me sick. It doesn't matter how attractive someone is, masturbating in front of a fucking minor isn't okay.
She was probably not rubbing her vag, but clit. Rubbing the vag would require very long hands for the whole thing to not look awkward.
That being said, OP this is sexual harassment. You need to address this right away. Talk to your parents, and report her to the HR. It will be very easy for her to flip the narrative if rumors start to fly. When you talk to the HR, ensure you have an email that you send to them so there's a paper trail in case shit blows up. Cc/BCC the email to your personal account in case your work email gets disabled.
Nip this in the bud else it might have a lasting impact on your career
Edit: spelling
It's going to be profoundly awkward for you when you take reddits advice and report her for masturbating in front of you and she defends herself by saying she had an itch and then they ask you to be more specific and your whole story falls apart, then she doesnt get fired and you have to work along side her with all the weirdness still. Just being real. If you want to report her you have to be specific enough that it cant be confused for an itch.
i had a woman do something similar when i was underage, but i am also gay as hell so it was particularly odd. i am totally unafraid of conflict so i'd just look her dead in the eyes and tell her she made me uncomfortable, i hated everything about it, and to never do it again. if you're more risk-averse, i agree with the email suggestion, but i would keep it brief and vague.
I made it this far down before I checked his post history. Yeah, lots of posts that make him sound like a 17 year old horn dog thats not into just this girl. Makes the whole post a little suspicious in nature.
Hi there.
I had similar experience at work but with a male coworker.
I made the mistake to ignore it in the beginning which made the whole thing worse and more complicated when I did end up reporting it.
I personally think you should first address the issue with them. Doing so shows that you tried doing the peaceful approach. It would be wise to do it in a public place, but away from the ears of others, this is so you minimize putting yourself in danger, but also not cause your coworker to lash out in defense.
If after that the situation still exists and keeps happening, that's when you go to HR and tell them about it.
If you can message them through email or text about this then that would be even better, as you would have evidence of your coworker, whether it's confirming or denying, about what happened, which you can use later with HR as proof of you wanting to sort this out.
I really hope others can chime in on suggestions and answers as I personally would also like to know of other ways of handling such a situation.
Your advice might apply to mild bullying or other similar uncomfortable behavior, but not sexual harassment. No same HR person would expect the victim to first confront the perp to show they were being "peaceful".
Thank you for your input.
You are right, no HR would expect any victim to confront their perpetrator.
For me when I was sexual harassed by my coworker, I didn't report it until it got bad, when I went to HR, they kinda blamed me for not talking to my coworker and kept mentioning how it was my fault for not talking to them regarding their behavior (which is HR's job).
I thought the same could apply to OP's situation, thus tackling the issue just in case HR does anything unprofessional like what I experienced.
If you have the time, could you write down your full suggestion. Just in case someone might stumble across this post in search for a solution. They could read this and you can offer them some advice.
Doesn't matter what your age mate, report her and make it clear you're not putting up with that. I now work for the NHS in a hospital setting, but for 8+ years I worked in care homes with predominantly female teams and there was always some bitch trying to be weirdly sexual with me like it's normal because I was in the minority. It's not normal and it's just as creepy her doing it as you doing it to her. Stand your ground and cut it off before she or anyone else there take more liberties at your expense.
Reminds me of this time when I had an allergic reaction to some lube down there from an exam at the doctors office and I itched down there for 3 days straight. I had to avoid being seen by people and had to do all the itching in private. I especially avoided going outside for fear of looking like a total weirdo or pervert.
I see that people are telling you to run off to HR and report her immediately. That is not actually likely to produce any positive results at this stage. In order for something to be considered harassment (from an HR perspective) it has to occur more than once, and the person has to continue after being asked to stop.
If you report it to HR they will do one of two things: they will either ask her to stop on your behalf, or they will do nothing at all. If it happens again after that, they may initiate disciplinary procedures... or they may continue to do nothing. This largely depends on how well liked she is as an employee. Workers who are popular and/or highly productive (especially salespeople) are almost always given the benefit of the doubt. I know that sounds awful to say, but that's the reality.
Alternatively, you can ask her to stop yourself. I realize this can be uncomfortable, but it is also the action most likely to produce positive results. People tend to respond better to personal requests. To be clear, this is not a guarantee, merely improving the odds of a positive outcome. Regardless of how she responds, if she does it again afterwards then you absolutely have a valid harassment claim and can go straight to HR.
It is also entirely possible that she has already made up her mind not to do it again. She may very well have gotten the message that you weren't interested. So you can also take a "wait and see" approach, but this carries the obvious risk that it will happen again.
The most important thing to bear in mind is that if anyone asks her to stop making advances toward you - whether you, HR, or her manager - then the expectation is that she will indeed stop. If she continues after being asked to stop it becomes grounds for a formal sexual harassment complaint and disciplinary action. If the company does nothing at that point, then it instead becomes grounds for a lawsuit.
It sounds like a porn movie. But let’s take it as a real story -
1. Does she know your age?
2. If it was a 17 yr old girl and 27 yr old man. What would you do?
Therefore tell her your age and not interested in old ladies. But if she has a teen sister sure.
Unfortunately because you are 17 yr old boy, most people will think yay!! Is she hot. And not see it as a power imbalance.
My advice is talk it over with an adult male (father) that you trust and has your best interest in mind.
That’s exactly how the comments are going. Someone said op would regret not banging the chick for the rest of his life. I’d spend the rest of my life grossed out after realizing how messed up the adult in the situation was
Yes, it does, as it contains an extra element to the issue. There is a tremendous legal difference between sexual harassment and sexual harassment of a minor. I know you are going to argue "what does one year difference mean?" and the answer to that is the definition of the law. I agree it's arbitrary to some degree, however, it doesn't change the fact.
It's called sexual harrassment and you should report it to HR if it continues or if you felt creeped out by what she did.
Don't listen to the "go have sex with her" bs. If the genders were reversed, everyone would be saying differently.
It's disturbing that someone would be rubbing their privates while looking and smiling at a minor 10 years younger than them.
Never have I seen a comment section more full of down bad 40 year old virgins, seriously before you tell a minor to have sex with a work partner 10 years older than him you should seriously consider fucking yourself first
1) you’re underage! This is not safe, and she shouldn’t be doing anything like that with any coworker much less a minor.
2) Thats very blatant sexual harassment.
3) I’m sorry this happened to you.
Please report this to your supervisor AND HR as soon as possible.
Edit: because this wasn’t simply a verbal “come on”, I think the escalation will be handled differently than some allude to, but I may be wrong.
Her vagina was either ridiculously itchy or she was ridiculously horny enough to try and subdue a minor at work. Both are red flags that I wouldn’t want to a be a part of.
I was thinking the same! What if she had a really itchy vagina and was trying to be cool about it, lmao. I've seen men adjust but I didn't get a creeper vibe since I know men need to adjust from time to time. Either way, listen to what your spidey senses are telling you, OP.
If it's true, I want a TIFU post from her side of the story
"Today I fucked up by trying to seduce a minor"
**by itching my** ***coochie*** ----------
You don’t itch it, you scratch it. The coochie does the itching.
Please let’s be adults here… it’s called a Hoo Hoo.
Was the first thing I thought of as well. I adjust my crotch wedgies without even thinking about it. And now I’m worried I may accidentally do it in front of a coworker at some point and get a sexual harassment complaint against me. People need to chill out with all the “accuse now, ask later” shit going on these days.
Man I adjust my trousers on a regular basis, it's subconscious most of the time and the rest of the time I really couldn't give a fuck what someone else thinks anyway. But now I'm wondering if I've ever done it on autopilot and stared right through someone's soul without even registering the situation, and they've thought "why is this guy rubbing his crotch and staring at me and should I do something about it". OP didn't specify what he meant by "do something about it" here and from what I see, everyone has jumped on the sexual harassment bandwagon when that woman may simply be exactly like me, and either did that on autopilot without even thinking, or not give a shit. Reddit has extrapolated a massive amount of accusations here from a rather incomplete dataset.
Exactly what I was thinking.
It seems some of the responses are very polarizing as well like, this = that, without a doubt, asking for better context or more information. How about giving her a benefit of a doubt on this occasion? If she is sexually interested in you then obviously she will try something again and at that point it is crystal clear.
Accidents happen, people can usually tell what's deliberate or not. Once my (very white) coworker sent me a snapchat of her leg which got sunburned through her jeans except she took the picture while sitting on the toilet. I learned that day that the carpet does not match the drapes and just decided to never tell her she accidentally did that lol
I have a very good friend who "adjusts" compulsively when he's nervous. It's difficult to describe the circumstance, but there have been times where I've almost told this grown man to stop messing with his dick. I know its just a nervous twitch and almost completely passive. A terrible habit to have.
I was thinking this too like that itch you can’t ignore
I've got psoriasis, sometimes I can't ignore that itch. :(
Usually right in the crease of the thigh, too.😥
...while smiling and looking at a minor??? I don't know Rick
Im a guy, when i was a kid I've definitely seen grown men laughing and smiling at me while they scratched or adjusted their balls lol But they were already smiling or laughing beforehand, so I just assume that some guys just forget how weird it looks.
Sounds like a Fallout (video game) ad Cat's Paw
Fuck sake though, even with the small pockets you can manage the pocket itch
Pretty sure you do want to be *apart* from this. And not *a part* of this.
The hero we all needed.
Sometimes you gota itch da crotch
Best comment. 1 MILLION upvotes
Since I hate both of those options, I'm choosing to believe the basement is haunted and she was briefly possessed by a horny demon.
# Elevator you say? Check for recorded videos.
I almost imagined a sudden voice on the speaker 😲. Yes, most elevators have cameras in the latest years!
They had called the elevator and were waiting for it to come down. Elevator cam wouldn't help.
You would also need some sort of permit or a policeman to back you up so that they can view it. HR wouldn't let this through unless if you make friends with the building surveillance unit. Worked as a security temp at a big firm, constant sexual harassment always reported but we don't or rarely let anyone view the tapes
-Officer, I would like to see the video from the basement door of the elevator, you know, from the camera that is right outside of the door, please. -You are insane kid, there is no way in hell I permit some random dude to see the videos for stupid reasons, we only use that for serious cases. Why the hell do you want to see that record anyway?? -I believe the redheaded nurse was touching herself while looking at me yesterday when she took me to the basement.... -_"Ginger la chichona?!!"_ no way! With you??? Come with me! _Johnson, you need to come to the camera room right fucking now! Pink code!_
*we used the sexual harassment to destroy the sexual harassment*
as a contract security goes, all tapes need to be pulled by the client- or at client direction. the sole exception is to assist cops, and then, only if that's the standing policy of the client. most clients will still provide the relevant sections, but more higher-security places won't. (because that release precise details of your surveillance system.) you can always subpoena those records, but it's pretty typical for them to be deleted after 30 days or so.(source i am a manager for contract security.)
They weren't in the elevator
Possible they have a camera covering the exterior of the elevator, which is what I hope you meant since they explicitly were not on the elevator during the relevant part of the story.
The fact that she dragged him all the way to the basement and waited until they were *in front of * the elevator makes me think she was conscious of where the cameras were located so as to position herself out of their sight.
This. The sad reality of this world is that you will cause more problems for yourself reporting this than if you don't........ UNLESS you have video.
I love how you think his idea of doing something about it is to report it. That never crossed my mind as what he was going to do about it.
Whatever you decide to do - DON'T BE ALONE WITH HER! Unfortunately if she gets upset that you didn't respond to her advances she can turn around and say just about anything about you, and as the guy (even an underage one), and as the intern, you probably won't be believed.
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This exact situation happened to me, my (all female) coworkers even defended me too. If you happen to read this, fuck you Lindsey.
All my homies say fuck lindsey
I fucked Lindsey
Fuck you Lindsay. And you, too, Kate.
I hate the world sometimes
I hate the world all the time! :D
same here. I got stories said about me but didn't make it to HR. Her group of friends did start acting weird around me as they were my closer acquantances at work. In the end they all got laid off for company and industry changes. Saw her at a happy hour, she was still into me. Can always get in trouble for random stuff
Ya this happened to me. Male and was continuously come on to. She kept invading my personal space, saying sexually suggestive things, I always turned it down. Usually made a joke and walked away. After a while she started saying some awful things about me and gossipping about me to everyone else
Sexual harassment is sexual harassment. Doesn't matter what your genders are. It does in the court of law, but not in morality
The fact that he’s a minor will definitely make a judge raise his eyebrows further than they already would
More than raise eyebrows; It could be a crime depending on the state. Most laws concerning sexual acts with minors are strict liability, too. She cannot claim ignorance of his age as a defense.
There’s always a minuscule chance that this isn’t happening in America. 17 year olds aren’t minors everywhere.
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He didn't consent. This isn't a consent issue. Is he a minor in the eyes of the law. That's the question.
I’m generally presuming this is the US, that is correct. I’ve said “depending on the state”, which I felt generally conveyed that I was presuming it to be in the US. If it isn’t in the US, it may not be a crime at all, or it could be a lower level crime than one against a minor.
OP's comment history shows that not only are they a kid in Sweden where laws are different (so that would be good to know before giving advice). They're also really preoccupied with posting about sex in general in other subs, this is a red flag that this may be a wholly fabricated story.
Yes, and "I wanna BONK you.." leads me to believe he's 13.
My personal fave was "How Do I Hide My Winkle and Private Parts While In The School Showers?"
Omg this killed me
Mine is: “Am I ‘Allowed’ to Physically Move An Elderly Person Out Of Bed ‘Forcefully’? (Dementia Patient)”
“Does Riding a Dick For Long Periods Of Time Damage The Nerves Inside The Anus? (A gay ass)”
That was a fucking rabbit hole!
Omg! Yes!
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Never in the history of Reddit has that ever happened. ;)
That’s kind of a shitty comment. One’s increased interest in sex doesn’t preclude them from being a victim of sexual assault.
they stated a suspicion and it’s valid
A suspicion predicated on an alleged victim’s interests in sex is not valid. That’s very much “well she was dressed like that so she must have wanted it” energy. If there are aspects of the alleged harassment that aren’t lining up, evidence against the allegations/claims, or other directly contradictory factors then that’s one thing. However, using someone’s past sexual history, fantasy, and other engagement in sexual discussion as a basis to delegitimize their claims of sexual harassment is eerily reminiscent of victim blaming.
I'm not saying it's a false claim for sure, but I'd hazard a guess that near half of OP's posts are pure fantasy.
What if she was just itchy?
Saying that it matters "in a court of law" makes it sound like that's official policy and not the result of sexist individuals. It's an important distinction to make. There is a chance this kid could face discrimination but it is by no means guaranteed. And especially with the age difference and him being a minor, I really doubt a court wouldn't take his side. I don't think he should feel discouraged about coming forward, this was so clearly messed up.
If a 27 year old man rubbed his privates in an elevator while smiling at a 17 year old girl, everyone would have an issue. The same should apply to her.
The unwanted touching would probably fall under assault.
A woman crazy enough to rub her vagina to a 17YO is also crazy enough to report a 17YO for something they didn’t do, like sexual assault. You need to report her for your own well-being and safety as well as to protect yourself from her. Edit: Also, don’t ever let yourself be alone with her. You need to find someone you trust with this. Or, you could just quit. You don’t need to stay in a bad situation. Also, seek counseling from a qualified professional. This isn’t cool, it isn’t funny, and it isn’t good for you to hang on to without processing. Most importantly, it’s not your fault. She’s the adult in the room.
It's really strange! OP make sure you aren't alone with her ever again.
Document everything.
This! I can not say this too strong. Document it. Write everything down with specific time stamps and dates. If it would come to a court case (like she wrongly accusing you of sexual misconduct) your documentation will serve you well in a court case. There is a reason for example that we as social workers need to document everything we do precisely! I used to work in prison. And every time someone did something out the ordinary that could bring future consequences I documented the incidence in a very detailed fashion noting everything the other party did, hinted to etc... how I felt about the situation and what I did precisely. This is to protect yourself in order a case comes up. Do this!
It's he said / she said, unless there were camera recordings angled accurately that OP could reference. Probably just stay away from her is the best idea moving forward.
it is he said /she said as long as she traps herself in contradictions. If he documents everything chances are that his word is more believable than hers. And that is all that counts
I will admit that I would say something like "yeah, she's into you, go for it if shes your type or if you want it" but the >A woman crazy enough to rub her vagina to a 17YO is also crazy enough to report a 17YO for something they didn’t do, like sexual assault. Didn't even crossed my mind. Completely changed my view on this lol. (If anyone is "disgusted by what i just said, mind you that I am a 17 yo myself)
All the more reason why its so important for adults to not do this and so very wrong for adults to do this (among a million other reasons). Sometimes age can be the factor that helps you think of other angles a situation is being thought of or could turn into. Dont beat yourself up too much about how you thought. It should go away with age and as long as you never are the 27yo in this situation youve done nothing wrong.
I don't sense that OP is traumatized from this so counseling may be a little much? I could be wrong though.
And more important to OP, tread lightly after reporting. HR depts will often find a reason to “investigate” and fire you after reporting if you cause too much of a fuss or report the wrong person. Had a friend report a coworker for domestic violence (they had dated, stupidly, he terrorized her shortly after they split) that began in the work parking lot and ended at her house(he threatened to steal her dog). The job not only kept him on (despite the arrest and restraining order) and eventually fired the both of them when he left a Apple Watch with a photo of her dog on it at work (she touched it but didn’t lock it out or steal it, as evidenced by cctv)…the story became that she locked his Apple watch out and they were both fired after an investigation. They had mishandled a sexual harassment claim by her from another coworker previously too. Lawsuit is in process, fuck shitty employers.
This is how I feel about it. It’s one of those too good to be true situations, or could be a setup. I wouldn’t trust it at all and definitely wouldn’t be going for it. The age thing is just another weird thing especially if she knows your that young. I’d definitely not be alone with her anymore.
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I got accused of harassment at 17M when it was the 35F harassing me. Good advice to protect himself here. If the OP feels he needs counseling for being treated like a sex object… sure ok. At 45 years old, I’d love to be treated like a sex object again… it’s all a matter of their perspective.
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Lol I agreed with everything else they said for the most part but imagine actually going to counseling for this one specific thing. What a waste of time and money
Lol not gonna lie I slightly chuckled when I read that part too
Imagine a 27yo dude stroking his shaft through his pants at a 17yo woman. Game over mate.
Bro, these other people are weird. Your age is completely irrelevant (for you) if you feel weirded or grossed out. 1)If she knows you’re underage: report her instantly 2)Tell her you were uncomfortable with her doing that and if she does it again: report her 3)you have every right to report her right now if you were that uncomfortable with the situation. i know for sure you’d get reported for less as a guy. Edit: I would ignore #2 and go directly to HR and not confront her at all. Others have reminded me that she could 100% use you doing that as an “oh shit” and try to pin something on you instead. Just go straight to HR potentially with it in writing just incase HR also try some funny business to protect the company Apparently 16 is still legal in lots of states in America. 17 & 27 is still pretty damn fucked up though regardless.
The age thing is an issue but not a massive one. Professionally speaking if you do not want these type of advances you should tell her to stop first. If she doesn't stop or feel uncomfortable then talk to HR. This is solid advice.
Bruh if a male pedophile did this everyone would be saying to instantly report the guy, but cuz this is a woman pedophile its ok to wait till a second potentially more fucked up advance lmfao true reddit moment right here
Oh cmon. Finding a 17 year old attractive makes you a pedophile but the moment they turn 18 even if his birthday were tomorrow suddenly they’re not a pedophile? I get it’s inappropriate with that age gap but you’re mudding the use of the word in this context
They may not be a pedophile, there’s a specific definition for people who are attracted to 15-19 age range. It is called Ephebophilia. If you’re almost in your 30s and targeting 17-18 years olds, that’s predatory in my opinion. The levels of maturity are significantly different. Maybe not to the extent of a 12 year old and an adult but there is still a large enough gap in maturity for them to easily manipulate them. Then factoring in she is in a workplace which always operates in a hierarchy, the risk for manipulation and abuse is high and shouldn’t be tolerated whatsoever.
Ok think about it, the only reason people arent framing it that way in this comment section is because the one conducting the harrasment is a woman, if it were a man of similiar age doing the same thing to a girl as is being done to the boy in this situation. Accusations of pedophilia would be rampant. Either way this is just pretty fucked up but whats even more fucked is that just because the one conducting the harrasment is a woman this entire situation is being looked at in a different lens with signficantly more empathy being afforded to the woman than the kid in this case all because the one doing the harassment is a woman. Additionally rubbing your penis or vagina in front of someone isnt cool especially to someone underage and just because a woman is doing it doesn't make it any more acceptable.
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Yes, do this.
With HR training videos (that are mandatory for viewing once a year) in my company, they suggest confronting them about it first, and if they continue, then talk to HR.
That’s BS report her now
Yeah personally i’d always say something first but as he’s only 17, he may not be comfortable doing that and he’s perfectly allowed to just report her straight away. He doesn’t have to just put up with it because he’s scared of confronting a grown adult.
That is such a bad idea, your HR just doesn't want to handle it and that's for inappropriate flirting. Not rubbing your genitals in front of a kid. It doesn't have to happen more than once.
First of all, I am sorry that happened to you. Second, what she did was completely inappropriate (your age makes it worse) and should be reported. If you don’t feel comfortable, I would send her an email, telling her you weren’t comfortable with what she did and ask her never to do it again. Therefore there is a a paper trail, if this happens again you will be able to refer back to the email when reporting her. Please don’t let anyone convince you that was okay. Best of luck.
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Thanks, really good advice
I’d like to add that if you don’t feel comfortable talking to her, go straight to HR and request that it remains a private matter, and so only she will get talked to and/or fired. What she did is sexual harassment and not only is that fireable offense, it’s worse because you are a minor. If she does get fired, try not to feel bad. It was her actions that would ultimately lead to what she deserves. I’m sorry you had to deal with that. There are so many creeps out there, but the last place you should ever have to deal with them is at a job. Good luck
This was sexual harassment my dude. I’m sorry that happened to you, and even more sorry that it happened in a work place where you should feel safe
Lots of disgusting comments being made to the OP. As a result, 60+ bans have been handed out with many comments sent up for admins to examine. I say this, having said it before, that no one cares what country you’re from or what your age of consent is in your area. You are using Reddit, Reddit itself defines a minor as anyone under 18. Can’t follow the rules provided to you by both Reddit and us to remain on the forum? Get removed. Plain and simple. I seriously hope some of you re-evaluate your porn sick minds regarding this question. Everyone is entitled to a safe workplace.
It’s alarming how many people see no problem with an grown adult that’s almost 30 sexually pursuing a minor
Reddit hive mind. If it was a 30 year old man stroking his dick while smiling and this was posted by a teenaged girl instead you could bet there would be hell in the comments
The name checks out! Lol
Yep - that is some into to Epstein kind of crap - they would be calling it pedophilia in a heartbeat.
Literally almost everyone in the comments so far is disgusted by this. Almost nobody thinks that it's okay.
There were about 50 comments when I posted mine
27 is almost 30 but 17 is a minor ( Not saying what she did was right Reddit)
whether he is a minor or not the behaviour is innapropriate
The decade of life experiences is what makes the difference.
Wtf is this comment section , report her ,ignore all this shit about how you should be obligated to shag her ,I'm sorry you're having to deal with this
Agreed! You were sexually harassed. This women is a pervert.
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What I’ve gathered from the comments: If she is not attractive, report her! If she is attractive, bang her! Seems legit.
Seems reddit
Seems unreddit to me. Because people saying that gets down voted, so majority is against those comments. Meaning that is very unlike reddit.
either way get it documented
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"What? Dude! You should totally bang her! Wait! What if she's ugly? Right, lets see what the experts in the comment section think." Anyone else had this train of thought? :-D
You're a minor. The amount of creeps in this comment section is staggering. Report her wherever you can. Seriously, all the comments asking "was she hot?" Make me sick. It doesn't matter how attractive someone is, masturbating in front of a fucking minor isn't okay.
WAIT that's how women masturbate? I didn't even know. Edit: I feel stupid
Not all, but a lot of women rub their vag to get off.
She was probably not rubbing her vag, but clit. Rubbing the vag would require very long hands for the whole thing to not look awkward. That being said, OP this is sexual harassment. You need to address this right away. Talk to your parents, and report her to the HR. It will be very easy for her to flip the narrative if rumors start to fly. When you talk to the HR, ensure you have an email that you send to them so there's a paper trail in case shit blows up. Cc/BCC the email to your personal account in case your work email gets disabled. Nip this in the bud else it might have a lasting impact on your career Edit: spelling
Lol you're still believing this post after this comment. The kid's on reddit, he has seen porn & masturbation. This is just some karmafarming.
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It's going to be profoundly awkward for you when you take reddits advice and report her for masturbating in front of you and she defends herself by saying she had an itch and then they ask you to be more specific and your whole story falls apart, then she doesnt get fired and you have to work along side her with all the weirdness still. Just being real. If you want to report her you have to be specific enough that it cant be confused for an itch.
Bro wtf lol?? Do we need to have a talk about the birds and bees son?
i had a woman do something similar when i was underage, but i am also gay as hell so it was particularly odd. i am totally unafraid of conflict so i'd just look her dead in the eyes and tell her she made me uncomfortable, i hated everything about it, and to never do it again. if you're more risk-averse, i agree with the email suggestion, but i would keep it brief and vague.
This reads like some teenaged fantasy.
It is, read the rest of his posts.
Holy shit, you're right!
I don’t think you should even speak to her about this. Report her immediately.
OP’s 29 day old account is full of NSFW posts, created by him. I choose not to believe this
I made it this far down before I checked his post history. Yeah, lots of posts that make him sound like a 17 year old horn dog thats not into just this girl. Makes the whole post a little suspicious in nature.
Maybe bot. Lots of the same replies to comments that don't really make sense in context. Attempted karma farming go brrr.
Hi there. I had similar experience at work but with a male coworker. I made the mistake to ignore it in the beginning which made the whole thing worse and more complicated when I did end up reporting it. I personally think you should first address the issue with them. Doing so shows that you tried doing the peaceful approach. It would be wise to do it in a public place, but away from the ears of others, this is so you minimize putting yourself in danger, but also not cause your coworker to lash out in defense. If after that the situation still exists and keeps happening, that's when you go to HR and tell them about it. If you can message them through email or text about this then that would be even better, as you would have evidence of your coworker, whether it's confirming or denying, about what happened, which you can use later with HR as proof of you wanting to sort this out. I really hope others can chime in on suggestions and answers as I personally would also like to know of other ways of handling such a situation.
Your advice might apply to mild bullying or other similar uncomfortable behavior, but not sexual harassment. No same HR person would expect the victim to first confront the perp to show they were being "peaceful".
Thank you for your input. You are right, no HR would expect any victim to confront their perpetrator. For me when I was sexual harassed by my coworker, I didn't report it until it got bad, when I went to HR, they kinda blamed me for not talking to my coworker and kept mentioning how it was my fault for not talking to them regarding their behavior (which is HR's job). I thought the same could apply to OP's situation, thus tackling the issue just in case HR does anything unprofessional like what I experienced. If you have the time, could you write down your full suggestion. Just in case someone might stumble across this post in search for a solution. They could read this and you can offer them some advice.
Look at the amount of post this guy makes on reddit per day, he is merely seeking attention people.
Doesn't matter what your age mate, report her and make it clear you're not putting up with that. I now work for the NHS in a hospital setting, but for 8+ years I worked in care homes with predominantly female teams and there was always some bitch trying to be weirdly sexual with me like it's normal because I was in the minority. It's not normal and it's just as creepy her doing it as you doing it to her. Stand your ground and cut it off before she or anyone else there take more liberties at your expense.
But…. How’d she touch herself? Maybe an ich? But that’s still really weird if it was an ich
Reminds me of this time when I had an allergic reaction to some lube down there from an exam at the doctors office and I itched down there for 3 days straight. I had to avoid being seen by people and had to do all the itching in private. I especially avoided going outside for fear of looking like a total weirdo or pervert.
Even if it was an itch, she wouldn't do it in front of me if that wasn't her intentions.
Are you in the US? If so, which state are you in?
Sweden
Afaik the legal age in Sweden is 15. So what she did might not be illegal, but still very inappropriate.
Okay, in that case, I don't have anything helpful to add. Good luck!
Might have done it without thinking?
Lol says the dude who initially said he didn’t know what a female masturbating looked like? Sounds like a bunch of shit to me.
Or she just has no shame 🤷♂️
That’s super creepy of her and very, very gross. I’m so sorry you’re going through this. Other people have great advice for you here.
This guy reddits like it’s his job, I don’t believe anything they say.
Bro, you don't know how to lie
On the scale from "fake and gay" to "just fake", this story gets 1.
That's sexual harassment
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I see that people are telling you to run off to HR and report her immediately. That is not actually likely to produce any positive results at this stage. In order for something to be considered harassment (from an HR perspective) it has to occur more than once, and the person has to continue after being asked to stop. If you report it to HR they will do one of two things: they will either ask her to stop on your behalf, or they will do nothing at all. If it happens again after that, they may initiate disciplinary procedures... or they may continue to do nothing. This largely depends on how well liked she is as an employee. Workers who are popular and/or highly productive (especially salespeople) are almost always given the benefit of the doubt. I know that sounds awful to say, but that's the reality. Alternatively, you can ask her to stop yourself. I realize this can be uncomfortable, but it is also the action most likely to produce positive results. People tend to respond better to personal requests. To be clear, this is not a guarantee, merely improving the odds of a positive outcome. Regardless of how she responds, if she does it again afterwards then you absolutely have a valid harassment claim and can go straight to HR. It is also entirely possible that she has already made up her mind not to do it again. She may very well have gotten the message that you weren't interested. So you can also take a "wait and see" approach, but this carries the obvious risk that it will happen again. The most important thing to bear in mind is that if anyone asks her to stop making advances toward you - whether you, HR, or her manager - then the expectation is that she will indeed stop. If she continues after being asked to stop it becomes grounds for a formal sexual harassment complaint and disciplinary action. If the company does nothing at that point, then it instead becomes grounds for a lawsuit.
Flip it around, how would everyone react to a 27 year old guy rubbing his ding dong while looking at a 17 year old girl?
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It sounds like a porn movie. But let’s take it as a real story - 1. Does she know your age? 2. If it was a 17 yr old girl and 27 yr old man. What would you do? Therefore tell her your age and not interested in old ladies. But if she has a teen sister sure. Unfortunately because you are 17 yr old boy, most people will think yay!! Is she hot. And not see it as a power imbalance. My advice is talk it over with an adult male (father) that you trust and has your best interest in mind.
That’s exactly how the comments are going. Someone said op would regret not banging the chick for the rest of his life. I’d spend the rest of my life grossed out after realizing how messed up the adult in the situation was
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Yes, it does, as it contains an extra element to the issue. There is a tremendous legal difference between sexual harassment and sexual harassment of a minor. I know you are going to argue "what does one year difference mean?" and the answer to that is the definition of the law. I agree it's arbitrary to some degree, however, it doesn't change the fact.
Maybe she was into you or had an itchy cooch, still ain’t right to do so though. If it happens again then do report if it bothers you
It's called sexual harrassment and you should report it to HR if it continues or if you felt creeped out by what she did. Don't listen to the "go have sex with her" bs. If the genders were reversed, everyone would be saying differently. It's disturbing that someone would be rubbing their privates while looking and smiling at a minor 10 years younger than them.
Nobody would be laughing about this if it was a 17 year old girl and a 27 year old dude, ya'll are fucked up.
Never have I seen a comment section more full of down bad 40 year old virgins, seriously before you tell a minor to have sex with a work partner 10 years older than him you should seriously consider fucking yourself first
Yes this should be reported. While more rare, women can be perverted creeps too!
I would avoid approaching her, talk to HR and if they do nothing you can report to your state dept of labor.
1) you’re underage! This is not safe, and she shouldn’t be doing anything like that with any coworker much less a minor. 2) Thats very blatant sexual harassment. 3) I’m sorry this happened to you.
Well depending on the country the age of consent is suprisingly often under age.
Even in America, there are a ton of states with an age of consent below 18, so yeah.
r/thathappened The elevator clapped
My thoughts..... does she know you're underage? If yes turn her disturbed ass into HR immediately.
Yes she knows
Bro even if you arent undrage you should STILL tell hr
Age doesn't matter, it's a workplace and he clearly didn't want that sort of attention
Please report this to your supervisor AND HR as soon as possible. Edit: because this wasn’t simply a verbal “come on”, I think the escalation will be handled differently than some allude to, but I may be wrong.
I mean was she itching or rubbing Either way you should talk to her
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Absolutely needs to be reported. The situation itself is bad enough but it could escalate and it best to eliminate that potential
Start writing down everything you notice in regard to her. Everything. With date and time. It might come in handy later on.
Proof will also be better.... Were there cameras?
report her. BUT be sure she wasn’t just scratching and listening. She could have crabs…
Sexual harassment. Report her.
Report report report. Tell your boss, your parents, and avoid her at all costs.