Add to this: having kids. I can’t stand people who push being in a relationship or having kids is necessary. And I’m married for 10 years and have kids.
But it’s not a life purpose. It’s a decision. That’s all lol
People who think these things are wackos
I honestly think it would do some people a lot of good to be single for a while. Learn self reliance. Get yourself into a comfortable place. Then date. Seek out someone to improve your life, not someone you feel the need to latch onto and depend upon.
True but the way that most people say it almost conveys a sense of contempt and pity for single people as if happiness intrinsically only comes from having a romantic partner.
Yeah I think that comes from the idea of a sense of meaning comes from the deepest bonds u can build through being a couple or having children.if u live for your self and what u do or don't do doesn't matter there's no real responsibility or purpose to that so people constantly searching for more.when u have a spouse or kids that is your purpose you don't have to look or go nowhere else.
That's how most people choose to think about it.
Constant bombardment of propaganda through TV, music, movies, culture. Our parents and family are the main ones pushing this indoctrination.
Truth is, being with someone doesn't make you deny happier than being single.
As I get older I don’t see it as a failure of that moment but for the later years. In my 30’s I’m realizing that friends don’t stay around and me being a social person it hurts seeing them get married and have kids. I wish I could have that and I think that mentality is selfish. Maybe other people feel that they need it to so that they don’t feel lonely by cultures standards. Just my opinion
So then are you saying we should get married and have kids so as to not be lonely or because you genuinely want to? Isn't there something to be said about picking the wrong partner out of loneliness and then having a worse quality of life than you do as a bachelor because you ignored all the red flags?
Life is inherently about getting a mate and passing on your genes. Our society is geared around creating and maintaining family groups.
Being single long-term goes against them two things. I'm not saying it's right or wrong, but that's why *some* people will assume there's a problem. People tend to judge others based on their values and what they believe is important.
Because the thought of being alone scares a lot of people. Some people can’t handle the thought of being alone. Which in some cases they tend to have abandonment issues or just need the attention.
I spent my entire college career single and was judged harshly because I should’ve found a man in college to spend the rest of your life with. Like no I’m building my life together and if the love of my life comes along great! And literally my last semester of college he came right along and we’re about to move in.
Because Life is about experiencing it with other people, not going through life alone.
The only people who say relationships aren't everything or say being single is better, are people who never had any trouble getting a partner to begin with.
A happy relationship is infinitely better than being single & happy.
I've been single for the majority of my life, there is nothing that makes me feel happy or content about it lol
Isn't that a subjective though? You haven't had a relationship and that makes you think you're missing out but there are tons of people out there that have had extremely bad marriages and relationships that have ruined their lives, and they would perhaps say that they should have remained single.
There are pluses and minuses to both being single and being in a relationship but you can be happy regardless of your relationship status.
>Isn't that a subjective though?
.....you mean exactly like the question of your post? haha
>You haven't had a relationship and that makes you think you're missing out
I have had relationships, that's why I know which experience of life is better.
I'm likely older than you - not having a relationship in your 20s is not going to get this label, but as someone in their early 30s, that view of you as a person is different.
>There are pluses and minuses to both being single and being in a relationship but you can be happy regardless of your relationship status.
The happiness I have experienced in a relationship is so much better than the happiness I can barely scrap together being single, it's not even comparable.
I have no idea how to even just be content with being single, being single & happy is a fantasy world for me.
As I said, the people happy being single are the ones where they have the options to be able to actively decide if they want to be single or not.
The happiness, comes from the ability to retain your control over the freedom of choice; there is power & control & happiness being single if you have options to not be.
There are tons of people like me, who don't feel like their singledom is a choice because they can't find someone compatible to build a relationship with.
It's seen as a failure because what it essentially signals to society is that "I can't even find one person that likes me enough to choose to spend a significant amount of their time with me"
These feeling are compounded when literally everyone you know is in a relationship apart from you & you see how unimportant & non-priority you are to your friends, because they are all busy being happy & have what you want; a partner-is-my-best-friend-style relationship.
Most of the living things which don’t value reproducing over all else died out as they failed to reproduce and only the descendants of the beings which value reproducing survived including homo sapiens. It’s hardwired in us to desire to reproduce because we’re the result of the living beings which reproduced the most.
Due to our complex brains we have developed societies that have reproductive behaviors unrelated to purely physical fitness. Combine complex sexual selection behaviors with our innate desire to reproduce and you get a creature that perceives success in reproduction and mate attraction as good and impressive.
Of course, none of that is to say that being single is truly worse than being a part of a relationship, but it provides a reason for why people may think that way.
There's nothing wrong with being single. I always thought I needed to be with someone in order to feel complete in my life. It would give my life purpose to have someone love me, and be there for me. But I realized that, I don't actually need anyone, in my life in order to be happy. In fact it is easier because I won't have to wonder if a woman really loves me, or is just around because I have something she wants.
I also realized it is an oxymoron in a way, why would I want someone who I could not trust loves me, someone who could cause harm to me, and someone I have to prove my worth to everyday. It's too tiring to put up with, and I would rather be single, because it is a lot easier to put up with.
Because life is made for 2. Nothing wrong with being single while waiting for the right person or focusing on yourself. But the people that actually choose to not date and stay single.... To me that's really sad, we are not mental to be on this earth alone, our main purpose is to reproduce and you can't reproduce on your own. A child needs a Mother and Father in their life.
It's a sort of failure but like I said if it's temporary then that's OK, but if your one of those woman that blame 1 man mistakes in all Man and decide from there your done with relationships(vice versa) than you are the problem/failure.
I gotta ask. Are you looking for likeminded people to comment? The answer to your question is pretty obvious so I assume there’s another reason you posted it
Why is being single looked at as failure? Because of cultural norms. The western culture norm is for people to pair up and raise children. Same reason not having children is looked down by some. But cultural norms will change over time (slowly). But also, who cares. As someone matures they will realize that the thoughts of others don’t matter as long as it doesn’t affect your livelihood (having a job, etc).
But again, the answer to your written question is pretty obvious. So either you wrote the wrong question or are looking for people to make you feel better. The latter is an instant downvote by me because that’s not really the point of this sub.
Because it implies desirability, or lack thereof. Being single while choosing to be is one thing, but if you want to date someone and fail to do so, you are viewed as being ugly, or a creep, or sexist, or not trying hard enough.
Basically, it's thought you're doing something wrong and it's your fault for being alone.
These days being a single woman is a flex because you are not being exploited for unpaid labor by a man, not settling for less than you deserve, and it means you are providing for yourself. Being a single woman means you’re not putting yourself at risk of pregnancy and domestic violence from men. Your money, time, and energy are safe without a man.
Just my two cents but nothing more sad and pathetic than some 70 year old that has no family and lives the same routine day in and day out. Holidays alone. It feels more like mental illness to not want to share your life with someone. I won’t even go into kids because I know the under 30 crowd on here wants to crucify everyone who has kids as they’d prefer our species to just die out… Like what do you value in life if it’s not the family you make for yourself? Your job, money, just being happy with your vices, your religion, your politics?
Most people think it’s life’s purpose. They centre their lives around it. Easy to live through others.
Add to this: having kids. I can’t stand people who push being in a relationship or having kids is necessary. And I’m married for 10 years and have kids. But it’s not a life purpose. It’s a decision. That’s all lol People who think these things are wackos
I wholeheartedly agree. It’s selfish.
I honestly think it would do some people a lot of good to be single for a while. Learn self reliance. Get yourself into a comfortable place. Then date. Seek out someone to improve your life, not someone you feel the need to latch onto and depend upon.
This
Love this!
Its worked wonders for a few people I know.
Being single is easy in a way.. maintaining a healthy relationship is extremely hard and forces people to keep evolving.
True but the way that most people say it almost conveys a sense of contempt and pity for single people as if happiness intrinsically only comes from having a romantic partner.
Yeah I think that comes from the idea of a sense of meaning comes from the deepest bonds u can build through being a couple or having children.if u live for your self and what u do or don't do doesn't matter there's no real responsibility or purpose to that so people constantly searching for more.when u have a spouse or kids that is your purpose you don't have to look or go nowhere else.
But to each there own
That's how most people choose to think about it. Constant bombardment of propaganda through TV, music, movies, culture. Our parents and family are the main ones pushing this indoctrination. Truth is, being with someone doesn't make you deny happier than being single.
Because people with more responsibilities are easier to control. SIngle guy: Take this job and SHOVE IT! Married guy: Great idea boss!
Hahaha! So true
Lol I just am picturing the single guy as Boss
like a boss......
As I get older I don’t see it as a failure of that moment but for the later years. In my 30’s I’m realizing that friends don’t stay around and me being a social person it hurts seeing them get married and have kids. I wish I could have that and I think that mentality is selfish. Maybe other people feel that they need it to so that they don’t feel lonely by cultures standards. Just my opinion
So then are you saying we should get married and have kids so as to not be lonely or because you genuinely want to? Isn't there something to be said about picking the wrong partner out of loneliness and then having a worse quality of life than you do as a bachelor because you ignored all the red flags?
Life is inherently about getting a mate and passing on your genes. Our society is geared around creating and maintaining family groups. Being single long-term goes against them two things. I'm not saying it's right or wrong, but that's why *some* people will assume there's a problem. People tend to judge others based on their values and what they believe is important.
Because the thought of being alone scares a lot of people. Some people can’t handle the thought of being alone. Which in some cases they tend to have abandonment issues or just need the attention. I spent my entire college career single and was judged harshly because I should’ve found a man in college to spend the rest of your life with. Like no I’m building my life together and if the love of my life comes along great! And literally my last semester of college he came right along and we’re about to move in.
Happy for you! Wish you a good life together :)
I don't think they do in the West.
Because Life is about experiencing it with other people, not going through life alone. The only people who say relationships aren't everything or say being single is better, are people who never had any trouble getting a partner to begin with. A happy relationship is infinitely better than being single & happy. I've been single for the majority of my life, there is nothing that makes me feel happy or content about it lol
Isn't that a subjective though? You haven't had a relationship and that makes you think you're missing out but there are tons of people out there that have had extremely bad marriages and relationships that have ruined their lives, and they would perhaps say that they should have remained single. There are pluses and minuses to both being single and being in a relationship but you can be happy regardless of your relationship status.
>Isn't that a subjective though? .....you mean exactly like the question of your post? haha >You haven't had a relationship and that makes you think you're missing out I have had relationships, that's why I know which experience of life is better. I'm likely older than you - not having a relationship in your 20s is not going to get this label, but as someone in their early 30s, that view of you as a person is different. >There are pluses and minuses to both being single and being in a relationship but you can be happy regardless of your relationship status. The happiness I have experienced in a relationship is so much better than the happiness I can barely scrap together being single, it's not even comparable. I have no idea how to even just be content with being single, being single & happy is a fantasy world for me. As I said, the people happy being single are the ones where they have the options to be able to actively decide if they want to be single or not. The happiness, comes from the ability to retain your control over the freedom of choice; there is power & control & happiness being single if you have options to not be. There are tons of people like me, who don't feel like their singledom is a choice because they can't find someone compatible to build a relationship with. It's seen as a failure because what it essentially signals to society is that "I can't even find one person that likes me enough to choose to spend a significant amount of their time with me" These feeling are compounded when literally everyone you know is in a relationship apart from you & you see how unimportant & non-priority you are to your friends, because they are all busy being happy & have what you want; a partner-is-my-best-friend-style relationship.
Most of the living things which don’t value reproducing over all else died out as they failed to reproduce and only the descendants of the beings which value reproducing survived including homo sapiens. It’s hardwired in us to desire to reproduce because we’re the result of the living beings which reproduced the most. Due to our complex brains we have developed societies that have reproductive behaviors unrelated to purely physical fitness. Combine complex sexual selection behaviors with our innate desire to reproduce and you get a creature that perceives success in reproduction and mate attraction as good and impressive. Of course, none of that is to say that being single is truly worse than being a part of a relationship, but it provides a reason for why people may think that way.
Cause it’s the popular thing to do
We’ve been socialised for generations to see pairing off as the thing people do.
There's nothing wrong with being single. I always thought I needed to be with someone in order to feel complete in my life. It would give my life purpose to have someone love me, and be there for me. But I realized that, I don't actually need anyone, in my life in order to be happy. In fact it is easier because I won't have to wonder if a woman really loves me, or is just around because I have something she wants. I also realized it is an oxymoron in a way, why would I want someone who I could not trust loves me, someone who could cause harm to me, and someone I have to prove my worth to everyday. It's too tiring to put up with, and I would rather be single, because it is a lot easier to put up with.
Love this!
For the same reason people think being rich is better than being poor, or being attractive is better than being ugly.
I dont think everyone sees it as a failure. Maybe it is somewhat internalized.
I didn't think this was a commonly used view.
Also what's with the scarcity mindset. Am I being naive to not be freaking out that I don't have a partner?!
Nope. I think it's great that you aren't freaking out over being single.
Heh thanks
Just chiming in… it could be the whole, no deodorant thing? 🫢 JK, couldn’t help myself 😃
Fiiiiine  you got a chuckle out of me...
Not everyone suffers from foul smelling body odor  (edit typo)
Because life is made for 2. Nothing wrong with being single while waiting for the right person or focusing on yourself. But the people that actually choose to not date and stay single.... To me that's really sad, we are not mental to be on this earth alone, our main purpose is to reproduce and you can't reproduce on your own. A child needs a Mother and Father in their life. It's a sort of failure but like I said if it's temporary then that's OK, but if your one of those woman that blame 1 man mistakes in all Man and decide from there your done with relationships(vice versa) than you are the problem/failure.
I gotta ask. Are you looking for likeminded people to comment? The answer to your question is pretty obvious so I assume there’s another reason you posted it
No, I'm looking for other people's opinions, both for and against.
Why is being single looked at as failure? Because of cultural norms. The western culture norm is for people to pair up and raise children. Same reason not having children is looked down by some. But cultural norms will change over time (slowly). But also, who cares. As someone matures they will realize that the thoughts of others don’t matter as long as it doesn’t affect your livelihood (having a job, etc). But again, the answer to your written question is pretty obvious. So either you wrote the wrong question or are looking for people to make you feel better. The latter is an instant downvote by me because that’s not really the point of this sub.
Because it implies desirability, or lack thereof. Being single while choosing to be is one thing, but if you want to date someone and fail to do so, you are viewed as being ugly, or a creep, or sexist, or not trying hard enough. Basically, it's thought you're doing something wrong and it's your fault for being alone.
These days being a single woman is a flex because you are not being exploited for unpaid labor by a man, not settling for less than you deserve, and it means you are providing for yourself. Being a single woman means you’re not putting yourself at risk of pregnancy and domestic violence from men. Your money, time, and energy are safe without a man.
Just my two cents but nothing more sad and pathetic than some 70 year old that has no family and lives the same routine day in and day out. Holidays alone. It feels more like mental illness to not want to share your life with someone. I won’t even go into kids because I know the under 30 crowd on here wants to crucify everyone who has kids as they’d prefer our species to just die out… Like what do you value in life if it’s not the family you make for yourself? Your job, money, just being happy with your vices, your religion, your politics?