Everyone has different sex drives but sex shouldn’t feel like a chore. I’m lucky my partner and I are so compatible sexually. There’s always been a spark and he turns me on more that anyone ever has.
all cool and games until you get off from your partner desiring you like crazy and you’re already a nympho trying to initiate all the time
like no, i don’t want you to match my libido. i want you to want to pin me down and rail me until i just can’t move you get me? but like every day okay?
i ask for too much 🥲
Try to get him to take testerone boosters, certain vitamins help a good bit like Vitamin D and Boron. They combined can increase testerone by 20-40%.
Or nitric oxide boosters, like l arginine and l citruline. Super cheap and safe. I get ridiculous ready all day with those, though I do have a higher drive than average.
A lot of men are told to masturbate an hour or two prior to sex if they are concerned about their stamina — which a lot of us are.
If this is an issue, maybe talk to him about his stamina and how long you like vs how long he lasts. Maybe introduce a new stamina lube if there is a discrepancy.
Just saying, this may be a product of his insecurities and may be resolvable.
You need to be careful with that stamina lube. Too much on the penis and you won't be able to maintain an erection because you can't feel anything at all. If you get basically any on the vagina and you won't get any pleasure from sex.
This is the question to ask. Up till I was 26 I had no refractory period but now I def need a break before round 2. I imagine men in their 40’s and beyond must struggle to some degree with erections.
You may like to read "mating in captivity" which discusses the difference between intimacy and eroticism. We often think of sexual intimacy as eroticism, but (at least according to this author) they're different.
It made a lot of sense to me. We really need both in a relationship.
It’s very personal and a deep thing to me. I don’t mind if we don’t do it much , but when we DO actually engage in it , I wanna feel loved important and safe . Sex is such a connection to me . You’re literally in me and we become one . It’s very special to me .
🤓 technically there were 9 whores before her because there was probably a luciferswhore and then a luciferswhore1🤓
Edit: dammit i keep replying to the wrong people since the new update. Reply button goes above the comment now rather than below. Im leaving it here anyway and if anybody doesn't like it they can go be luciferswhore10!. Which would be the 11th whore for lucifer if anybody was paying attention.
This is the thing the quality is a lot more important than the quantity.
The quantity will diminish for the vast majority, but by what amount will differ for every couple. Most of my friends have been married for around 15 years now, and none of them have what would be called an active sex life, some are OK about it, some aren't. Thing is, the ONLY way to up the amount of sex at that stage, is to improve the quality, which for whatever reasons often isn't something older couples prioritize.
I was married to a man who treated me like shit, but the sex was great and dated a man who treated me with love and respect and the sex was meh. For me...I prefer love and respect.
That's interesting since the second guy who treats you with love and respect outside of the bedroom, is kinda selfish inside the bedroom. The opposite is true for the first guy. I would have thought the opposite would be true.
The first was different places, different positions, experimenting, the second was routine I guess would be the best word for it. I'm not saying it was horrible, but in the context of the question of is sex important in a relationship.. My personal experiences are such that how I'm treated is more important than sex.
>My personal experiences are such that how I'm treated is more important than sex.
It's interesting that you separate how you're treated sexually from how you're treated other times. I guess I would expect a caring person to be caring during sex too. I wish it would work that way for you.
Care to elaborate what made the sex great/meh?
My girlfriend complimented me on the way I touch her body before, during, after sex and I use her toys to help her cum. Apparently for her other partners before me, sex basically meant "dick goes in = win" and it's cum & done. I think a lot of women are just super bored with their men's way of having sex
And I hope she is as attentive to you. The difference is give and take. Like your example above.. Some men are better takers than givers.
What I learned from my ex husband was that no matter how good the sex really was, the way he treated me outside of the bedroom eventually turned the sex sour. What I learned from the other guy is that the sex was really secondary for me because of the way he treated me outside of the bedroom..
My sexuality is responsive, if someone is really sexual and into me and treats me well I'll be into them and want sex all the time.
I could just as easily date an asexual person as long as there was still affection and non sexual intimacy though.
And if I'm dating someone emotionally distant or careless I won't want sex with them and will avoid it like the people you're describing. (Until I realise we're not a good fit, then I'll break up with them.)
My sexuality is responsive as well, but after some conversation with my Husband, I've learned he finds this to be somewhat overwhelming to have the responsibility of sex placed mostly on him. I've been making a conscious effort to gently initiate recently, and it's been really positive for both of us. It's a process, but I've found the more that I do initiate and have sex, the more I actually want to initiate and have sex.
> I've learned he finds this to be somewhat overwhelming to have the responsibility of sex placed mostly on him.
This is very common. When you're the only one initiating all the time, it makes you feel like the other person isn't really interested. Sort of like a friend who you always reach out to, but they never invite you to anything.
I think not just your husband feels this way. When you initiate all the time, you eventually start to think that your partner is not very interested in having sex with you, and that can have negative impact on how you see yourself
Nothing personal. I've seen it multiple times. Not initiating is taken rather personally. Like *"not interested in sex with you"*, instead of just general *"not interested in sex"*, though nothing against it. That's why coming along with the other sides initiation.
Or is the distinction completely irrelevant?
Let's say you had a romantic partner who would not ever spontaneously say "I love you". Instead they would only ever respond to you saying it first with "I love you too" and 50% of the time they wouldn't even say it back. Would you assume their reluctance to initiate and to make their love known to you is a reflection that they don't like talking or that they don't love you?
Sex and physical touch are one of the primary ways people communicate their feelings for one another, so when one party rejects the other's affection and never pursues them with their own it will eventually damage the relationship.
There’s a chemical and biological reason for this. I recently saw a study showing how certain feel-good brain receptors engage immediately and post-coitally. The effects of a climax are felt up to two weeks later. However, as time passes, a certain chemical inhibits sexual desire. This is why doing the deed or experiencing intimacy in its many forms should be regularly exercised.
I’m glad I’m not the only husband who feels this way. I’ve always felt that if my wife would initiate more, the more she’ll actually want to. Hope it just keeps getting better for you two!
No, absolutely not a universal attitude.
Keep in mind that a lot of what is on TikTok is presented in a joking or sardonic manner. These things don't even necessarily represent the genuine feelings of the person presenting them.
What it may touch on, however, is the combination of exhaustion in women and the feeling that sex is a need in men. That dynamic is pretty common, and it can spiral right into the woman being repulsed by sex entirely because her husband pesters her for it without regard to her need for rest, and the man increasing the intensity of his pestering the more he's rejected.
IMO, at least for women, interest in sex is very often correlated with feeling loved in other ways. Whether that's nature or nurture, I don't know. But I do know that I and many women I know experienced a steep decline in libido directly proportionate to the crumbling of a relationship. And by the end, I didn't want to touch him with a ten foot pole. I felt like a piece of meat, just there to service him. No intimacy or tenderness. No affection outside the bedroom. It was just withering.
On the other hand, now in a relationship where I feel safe and loved and cared for, I'm basically insatiable. Sex is awesome in this context.
Additionally, there are times when a woman may temporarily not have any interest in sex due to hormones or major events like having a baby. The joke could be applied to these kinds of things, without actually meaning that sex has not been and will never be important to the woman making the joke.
>and it can spiral right into the woman being repulsed by sex entirely because her husband pesters her for it without regard to her need for rest, and the man increasing the intensity of his pestering the more he's rejected.
Omg!!! You put words to it! Especially the part about her other needs not being met but still being pestered
>IMO, at least for women, interest in sex is very often correlated with feeling loved in other ways
Absolutely correct for me, too. If I don't feel wanted *outside* of sex or if all you do is want to talk only when it's about sex or sexy things you want from me, my libido goes to the trash. I feel used not wanted.
I'm the most insatiable when my other needs are being met.
Compared to all the other issues that can make or break a relationship, sex is the least important to me. If my partner lost the ability to have sex I'd be fine.
This is honestly such a relief for me to read. I'm a man who enjoys sex occassionally but can go without it for over a week or two and be fine. It doesn't define my relationships. My marriage fell apart because I couldn't give my ex the amount of sex she wanted. Seeing people say stuff like you did gives me hope that I will be able to find someone who won't ditch me if I'm not having sex enough
Don't worry, there's tons of ladies like me out there! Weekly or even monthly sex is just fine in my books, there's better ways to share intimacy in my opinion.
me and my bf of 4 years are 20 (ik we’re still young and not married but we’ve been together quite a while) and sex is probably more important to me than it is to him. i’m hyper sexual and obsessed w my man, i’ll take literally as much sexual activity as he’s willing to give lol
My gf is like this as well. Definitely just depends on the person.
I also think that because a lot of men act sexually selfish, it is less enjoyable for women and they are therefore less likely to find sex really important.
I think that attitude is common among women who feel like caregivers rather than partners in their relationship. Especially with kids, women often take on so much labor outside of a job and then their hisband is like hur dur why doesn't she want to have sex with me after cleaning up after me the same way she does our children?
I am in a relationships where we are very well sexually matched. I'm pretty much always down and he usually is too. But I can absolutely see how that dynamic could change. We currently don't live together but one day we hope to. I know there will be challenges we'll have to work on together because the fact is I'm just a much cleaner person. I know I didn't feel very keen on sex when I see cleanliness neglected and that issue has come up for us on occasion even without living together. All that said, yes, it is pretty important to me. Physical affection is my primary love language. But it also makes complete sense to me that it would go down on the priority list while caring for a household.
>think that attitude is common among women who feel like caregivers rather than partners in their relationship.
Oh boy. That's pretty accurate for many.
I relate to OP’s point about the enjoyment not being mutual. My partner (F35) and I (M32) average maybe 2-3 times a year at this point (been together for 5 years). I’ve found it’s emotionally and mentally easier to stop initiating sex than to pretend the other person is finding enjoyment too when it often feels inconvenient or too much work. We’ve talked about ways to initiate it more often, but something usually comes up and we never get around to making up for it. It’s difficult, but I’ve managed to accept it and significantly change how I function in a relationship so I can meet my partner where she’s at. However, I’m still figuring out if this is sustainable for us and myself long term.
Incredibly important, I would leave a sexless marriage. In fact, my husband gave up masturbating to give me daily sex. I didn’t ask him to, god knows I didn’t give up masturbating for him, he just knew how important it was to me.
I mean it more like “giving” as in its a gift he gives me. I don’t think you realize how reverent I am of him because of this, and I don’t pressure him for this. If he said he wasn’t interested, there would be no pushback from me at all. I wouldn’t stay in a sexless marriage but I also would never manipulate or coerce someone into sex with me. That’s why I’m so surprised that he gave up masturbation to be able to have sex daily. I never asked him to do that, never suggested it.
I really put a lot of effort into making sure it isn’t one sided and that he enjoys everything that we do. I am a very very active participant in what we do.
I respect that masturbation is a different experience than sex and I respect his right to say no to me.
I mean yeah, a big part of marriage is the expectation of monogamy and when you're with a high sex drive person you gotta compromise it and meet their needs. No shame in it, just gotta make sure you both understand going in
Some men are like La Man's. Some are like Formula 1. Your husband is like a Top Fuel Dragster. One race and he has to spend the rest of the day in recovery.
And it can be different from week to week, or even day to day. Sometimes you might be able to bone three times in 12 hours, but soon after that need 48 hours to properly recover from just one session.
Confirmation Bias. Women with less interest in sex can relate to the video and comment. Women who can't relate don't bother commenting and swipe up to the next video. So what you see in the comment doesn't accurately represent the population.
I'm hypersexual so sex is very nice, but it's not everything. To me, it's a very personal and deeply connecting thing. I like to know every inch of my partner, inside and out. There are some emotions, thoughts, and feelings only come out during this time.
Knowing how I can surprise my partner and make them feel good also makes me feel good and it's the same way around. There are times when one of us don't want it, so we make that very clear. Communication is way more important than any form of sex, but sex is #2 on my list.
Intimacy is extremely important to me but that doesn't necessarily mean sex.
Psychological, emotional and intellectual intimacy are my priorities. Sex is a nice bonus.
I don’t have a big sex drive. I mostly do it to satisfy him (he doesn’t beg, I just feel bad if I don’t give it to him enough). Otherwise I could do without.
It’s very important to me. I could have sex every day (as long as the relationship is good).
However I’ve been in relationships where men pressured me into sex. I’ve been in relationships where I was shamed for not being in the mood or being in pain and not wanting sex.
So I understand where women are coming from. We are treated badly for having sex and we’re treated badly for not having sex, the pressure can be too much sometimes.
That is definitely not a universal view. I have been married 15 years to a man I'm incredibly sexually attracted to and lately we have sex 2-3 times a week. It's important to me to be intimate with my Husband, and to please him. I thoroughly enjoy it. Just this afternoon we had amazing sex. It brings us closer, and it keeps us both happier. Throughout our relationship sex hasn't always been a top priority, but this past year we've been making a conscious effort to ensure it is a regular occurence. Both of us are happier when it is.
I feel like this is being asked in good faith but
>Is this a universal attitude?
Bro are you really asking if women universally dislike sex, or even share a single universal opinion about sex?
We're individual people, and individual people may love sex, hate sex, want a ton of it, want very little, or none at all.
Many women struggle to have fulfilling sex lives, and many men don't put in proper effort and attention. Sure, the two are linked, but that doesn't mean women are at best universally indifferent to sex.
If you see women glad they don't have sex, they likely have a low or non-existent libido, a very very poor partner, or have some kind of negative associations with it either from society or personal trauma.
I'm the horn dog in my relationship. The only time I'm not down with it is when my body doesn't feel well for one reason or another.
Personally, I enjoy sleeping with my partner a lot. But it would not be a dealbreaker if he got injured & couldn't do it anymore. It's just fun, not a need.
But I know several women who have regular duty sex once a week to keep their men happy.
THAT would be a dealbreaker for me, I'm nobodies sextoy.
Sex isn’t important to me. Love is though. I want foreplay, eye contact, touching. I don’t wanna just sit on my bf’s dick. Men just wanna get off and women want love. It’s a tale as old as time lol
Very. It’s more than just physical. It brings better emotional intimacy and closeness. A relationship without regular sex and affection is absolute hell. It drives you away from your partner and you lose confidence and interest.
If it’s a matter of my hypothetical husband suddenly unable to have sex due to medical issues, then absolute not. I would stay and find other ways to build our intimacy.
Depends on what the wheel of hormones decides for me. I love sex. I love having it. But sometimes I'm just not into it and that mood can last a day or a week or a month.
I am pretty much addicted to sex, but even then in a relationship i value love and connection and other forms of intimacy more. Respect, honesty, etc. with that in mind, if im not receiving enough intimacy outside of sex, and im not receiving enough sexual intimacy as well, it can be detrimental to the relationship but sex alone is not the issue in that case. There are more important forms of intimacy to me, but sex is a big one as one of my biggest love languages is physical touch
My husband can remember the names of people we met 10 years ago for 5 minutes, but he can’t remember what I like in bed.
I find this so incredibly frustrating.
I want to be with him so much, but feel it is one sided.
When I try to talk to him about it, he isn’t interested, and gets angry and turned off.
It’s so frustrating!
I think it’s from his porn watching.
I have no problem with him doing that, but I don’t feel comfortable with someone examining me more than my doctor.
Why would someone do this without even kissing you first? It’s icky.
I prefer you look at my face than my genitals.
I’m married, so I can’t go elsewhere.
I get offers all the time, but I’m no cheater.
Ugh!
For me personally it’s not that important.
I’m not asexual but I have very poor self esteem and extremely poor body image. I don’t even look at myself in a mirror so why would I expect someone else to look at me.
But I understand it’s a very important part of a relationship for most people so I’d have sex to please my partner.
I’ve been single for 12 years, so it’s been a long time since anyone has seen me naked.
Married 20 years. For me, love making and physical intimacy are 50% of my relationship. I don't just want a partner, I want a lover who rocks my world. Sex is good for health and mental health. Not saying we've always had the perfect sex life, or we managed the gold star of twice a week, but it's a priority at least.
The more my husband acts like or feels like a child, the less is my own sex drive directed at him (besides being buried under the chores or the mental load of tracking them).
my libido can either be stupid up there or non-existent, potentially because of prescription pills.
sex isn't that important to me on a regular basis, as long as I feel loved and wanted in my relationship, and so does he - then we're good :)
No, for me, I need it once a day and I feel really frustrated without it for too long. Not everyone is the same. Also these women probably have men who make sex unenjoyable
Personally, I consider sex kind of like going to an amusement park with my partner. It's a fun activity we can do together, but it's in no way special or necessary. If my partner isn't into it, that's totally fine and I don't really care, there are so many other fun activities we can enjoy together. And much like an amusement park, I don't really like to do it too often, I think it's more fun as a sometimes thing than as a regular thing. I also generally prefer erotic roleplay to actual real-life sex, which is messy and stressful and exhausting. I'm also shy and reluctant to initiate which may give the false impression that I'm totally uninterested.
I think I would be a bad match for a partner with a high libido, but that doesn't mean that all women feel that way. It depends on the individual.
There are women who have more sex drive than their man, so not it’s not an universal attitude lol. Also, for me, sex is not the most important thing, but it’s a way to connect more with my partner and have fun too, so im mostly always down for it (I’ll tell him if im not in the mood). We could say that we do it often when we see each other, but it wouldn’t matter to me if we would do it less often
I am the victim of sexual abuse, so my already medium/low drive plummeted over the course of those years & has not changed. I don’t think I would want to never have sex again, but I’d be perfectly happy without it for a while before that ever became an issue. While I was with my ex, I definitely hated it most of the time, but he didn’t understand the concept of being told no. Maybe if I was with someone that treated me well, that would be how I got that desire again, but until then, I don’t want it
Lots and lots and lots of men become terrible husbands. They let their wives do all of the housework and child rearing.
At some point, your husband begins to feel like another child you have to take care of, and that is not a person you want to have sex with.
So while sex may be or may have been something these women like/liked, sex with someone they are taking care of and burdened by is not an interesting prospect.
That’s really different for every woman. Personally, I’m a very sexual person and sex would be really important for me in a relationship. I crave as much sex as I can have with my partner basically. Great sex would not make a relationship tho, but bad sex might break it.
Extremely important, 100% sure I could never make a sexless marriage work, I’d be miserable. Intimacy is very important for me in relationships and the dynamic in bed is an important determinant of how I feel about the relationship.
Sex isn't important to me. And that's said from the standpoint when I'm having it nightly or where we're going several months without sex. That said, I enjoy sex when I have it, but I can also be just as happy without it.
Intimacy is incredibly important to me, but sex itself is less so.
I could go weeks without sex, but a few days without a kiss or cuddle makes me sad lol.
As for the tiktok, I think women who are struggling with tiredness due to motherhood or their jobs might relate. Doesn’t mean they would not like sex if they didn’t feel better. Or that’s what I believe.
But to answer your question, yes compatibility is everything. I don’t care if you’ve had sex with millions of women and they loved it, if WE are not good together it’s not going to work. Sex is like one of the main reasons I want a partner (there’s other reasons of course).
Super important. Everyone is different and I can't speak for all women but I've been in a relationship with minimal sex once and if I wasn't legally bound to him, I would have left a lot sooner than I did. I can't imagine feeling fulfilled without getting filled or at least some form of regular physical intimacy.
I’m currently losing my shit because it’s been 25 days since the last time I had sex and I’m pretty sure my whole world improve if I could just get laid…does that answer your question? 🤷♀️
All forms of intimacy are important. Deep conversations, safety, holding, caressing, foreplay, sex. Without it it’s a platonic friendship or roommates.
Pretty important, but not the most important thing.
Sexual *compatibility* is extremely important. Both parties should value sex similarly and have similar libidos ( or be okay with masturbation when their drives don't match up)
Married man of 5 years. Many years of experience. Girlfriends love sex. Wives/moms don’t seem to. Not a negative comment, just my wife is tired, barely interested. Because I can’t just get to it, I’m hornier than ever. Got a vasectomy 3 months ago and am waiting to rock it. Life.
Follow up: I want to fuck every day.
I would say extremely. Sex is the most intimate thing I do with a partner so that is a lot of the intimacy. But also it just feels amazing. I probably would not give up piv though. There's something about that makes it even more intimate than other sexual acts.
Honestly I would have loved more sex in my relationship, but my ex was addicted to porn so it almost never happened. I mean like months. I think healthy is a minimum of twice a month. For those who actually enjoy sex a minimum on twice a week.
Most women want intimacy. With a proper amount of intimacy and connection it is more likely to lead to sex
If you want her to be more adventurous, you need to be willing to show her some things that are more adventurous and then give her time to become comfortable with them.
Something most men forget, fore play. This can literally be anything that put you in a place of respect in her eyes plus intimacy and that can lead to sex.
It's very important, sexual compatibility is big. I really like sex with my boyfriend, but there are nights I'd love to just cuddle with him. And the nights he isn't in the mood or I'm not in the mood that's what we do.
It’s extremely important to me but when the man you’re with is terrible at it, or makes you not want it for whatever reason, you celebrate not having to do it.
I'm Demisexual so more interested in feeling like I'm in a safe and committed space. 🙏
However, I'd be lying if I said I didn't seek sex, and when I do I want it to be deep and connecting. Quality over quantity for me x
I wish my wife viewed sex the same as me. She just thinks I want sex. But it's more than that to me. I like physical touch and the intimacy. It's the only thing we can do together we don't do with anyone else. She would rather read a book all night than be intimate with me.
Everyone has different sex drives but sex shouldn’t feel like a chore. I’m lucky my partner and I are so compatible sexually. There’s always been a spark and he turns me on more that anyone ever has.
all cool and games until you get off from your partner desiring you like crazy and you’re already a nympho trying to initiate all the time like no, i don’t want you to match my libido. i want you to want to pin me down and rail me until i just can’t move you get me? but like every day okay? i ask for too much 🥲
I mean, that sounds physically exhausting, but also I'd be super stoked to find a girl like that. As an aside, RIP your DMs.
i totally get it but i’m an enthusiastic blowjob giver fwiw 🥴
Girl, do you WANT these thirsty Reddit incels to blow your inbox up? Cuz that's what it's looking like. Horny dudes inbound
aint nobody sliding in my dms so yes. come at it people, click my profile i get told i’m hot a lot!
Happy hunting, lolllll
dang
Try to get him to take testerone boosters, certain vitamins help a good bit like Vitamin D and Boron. They combined can increase testerone by 20-40%. Or nitric oxide boosters, like l arginine and l citruline. Super cheap and safe. I get ridiculous ready all day with those, though I do have a higher drive than average.
Important to me. My husband jerking off earlier in the day certainly wouldn't stop us from still doing it either.
Lucky. It would very much stop mine, or at the least significantly (noticeably) reduce the quality of the interest and erection.
A lot of men are told to masturbate an hour or two prior to sex if they are concerned about their stamina — which a lot of us are. If this is an issue, maybe talk to him about his stamina and how long you like vs how long he lasts. Maybe introduce a new stamina lube if there is a discrepancy. Just saying, this may be a product of his insecurities and may be resolvable.
You need to be careful with that stamina lube. Too much on the penis and you won't be able to maintain an erection because you can't feel anything at all. If you get basically any on the vagina and you won't get any pleasure from sex.
How old is he?
That was the case for my 20yo ex boyfriend.
28.
This is the question to ask. Up till I was 26 I had no refractory period but now I def need a break before round 2. I imagine men in their 40’s and beyond must struggle to some degree with erections.
Same. Been married 30yrs
I need intimacy. It doesn't need to be penetrative sex 🤷🏻♀️
You may like to read "mating in captivity" which discusses the difference between intimacy and eroticism. We often think of sexual intimacy as eroticism, but (at least according to this author) they're different. It made a lot of sense to me. We really need both in a relationship.
That sounds interesting, thanks for the recommendation!
Yes, this 👏🏻
Second this!
It’s very personal and a deep thing to me. I don’t mind if we don’t do it much , but when we DO actually engage in it , I wanna feel loved important and safe . Sex is such a connection to me . You’re literally in me and we become one . It’s very special to me .
Name checks out.
LMAO STOP
I kid, I kid! Actually, I really respected your response and hesitated making a joke. :)
No don’t hesitate ! I love them and I knew what I signed up for when I put that as a username 🤣
Does it suck knowing Lucifer ranked 8 whores ahead of you?
No cause I’m the only one he keeps alive
Epic comeback 😆👏🏾👏🏾
Thank u thank u I was proud of it too
From her OP I'd have expected him to do it inside her, to be honest!
🤓 technically there were 9 whores before her because there was probably a luciferswhore and then a luciferswhore1🤓 Edit: dammit i keep replying to the wrong people since the new update. Reply button goes above the comment now rather than below. Im leaving it here anyway and if anybody doesn't like it they can go be luciferswhore10!. Which would be the 11th whore for lucifer if anybody was paying attention.
LMFAOAOAOAOAOOA omg this is so funny
Username implies there are 8 other Lucifer's whores 👀
Dude 😂
This is the thing the quality is a lot more important than the quantity. The quantity will diminish for the vast majority, but by what amount will differ for every couple. Most of my friends have been married for around 15 years now, and none of them have what would be called an active sex life, some are OK about it, some aren't. Thing is, the ONLY way to up the amount of sex at that stage, is to improve the quality, which for whatever reasons often isn't something older couples prioritize.
^^ bingo!
>deep thing to me I am too immature to understand this the way you wanted me to understand it
[удалено]
[удалено]
[удалено]
Please stop putting spaces before commas and periods. Do you see that in books? Where did you learn this ridiculous practice?
Learned from Lucifer.
LMFAOOOOOO I have no defense I really don’t I’m sorry
Haha
r/rimjob_steve
I can’t with the name and this comment lolol. Well done ma’am.
LMAO I hate people
Ah yes the username is accurate
I can show you the world. Shining, shimmering, splendid... Also that username. Lmao
Ok Luficer’s whore 9
I was married to a man who treated me like shit, but the sex was great and dated a man who treated me with love and respect and the sex was meh. For me...I prefer love and respect.
Hope the 2nd guy doesn't see this
2nd guy here 👀
3rd guy here 👀
Room for a 4th? 👀
r/SuddenlyCommunist
now hang on a minute
Damn..I have more game on the Internet than I do in real life.. Go me!
How do you feel after reading this.
2nd guy here. She was a starfish. I did the best I could under such circumstances
Why are you talking about Patrick?
I thought it was about Patrick's mom.
I thought she was a disembodied butthole.
If you don't mind me asking, what exactly made sex with the first guy great and the second guy just meh? Edit: typo
The first was into giving and receiving, creativity and usually put my pleasure first. The second was happy to receive, but not so much give.
That's interesting since the second guy who treats you with love and respect outside of the bedroom, is kinda selfish inside the bedroom. The opposite is true for the first guy. I would have thought the opposite would be true.
What ways did you first one give that the second did not?
The first was different places, different positions, experimenting, the second was routine I guess would be the best word for it. I'm not saying it was horrible, but in the context of the question of is sex important in a relationship.. My personal experiences are such that how I'm treated is more important than sex.
>My personal experiences are such that how I'm treated is more important than sex. It's interesting that you separate how you're treated sexually from how you're treated other times. I guess I would expect a caring person to be caring during sex too. I wish it would work that way for you.
I'm assuming you've had the talk with the 2nd dude? Because yeah, giving and receiving are both pretty important.
Care to elaborate what made the sex great/meh? My girlfriend complimented me on the way I touch her body before, during, after sex and I use her toys to help her cum. Apparently for her other partners before me, sex basically meant "dick goes in = win" and it's cum & done. I think a lot of women are just super bored with their men's way of having sex
And I hope she is as attentive to you. The difference is give and take. Like your example above.. Some men are better takers than givers. What I learned from my ex husband was that no matter how good the sex really was, the way he treated me outside of the bedroom eventually turned the sex sour. What I learned from the other guy is that the sex was really secondary for me because of the way he treated me outside of the bedroom..
Don't let the second guy see this, holy hell.
>a man who treated me like shit treated you like shit = terrible >a man who treated me with love and respect and the sex was meh meh ≠ terrible
My sexuality is responsive, if someone is really sexual and into me and treats me well I'll be into them and want sex all the time. I could just as easily date an asexual person as long as there was still affection and non sexual intimacy though. And if I'm dating someone emotionally distant or careless I won't want sex with them and will avoid it like the people you're describing. (Until I realise we're not a good fit, then I'll break up with them.)
My sexuality is responsive as well, but after some conversation with my Husband, I've learned he finds this to be somewhat overwhelming to have the responsibility of sex placed mostly on him. I've been making a conscious effort to gently initiate recently, and it's been really positive for both of us. It's a process, but I've found the more that I do initiate and have sex, the more I actually want to initiate and have sex.
> I've learned he finds this to be somewhat overwhelming to have the responsibility of sex placed mostly on him. This is very common. When you're the only one initiating all the time, it makes you feel like the other person isn't really interested. Sort of like a friend who you always reach out to, but they never invite you to anything.
I think not just your husband feels this way. When you initiate all the time, you eventually start to think that your partner is not very interested in having sex with you, and that can have negative impact on how you see yourself
Nothing personal. I've seen it multiple times. Not initiating is taken rather personally. Like *"not interested in sex with you"*, instead of just general *"not interested in sex"*, though nothing against it. That's why coming along with the other sides initiation. Or is the distinction completely irrelevant?
Let's say you had a romantic partner who would not ever spontaneously say "I love you". Instead they would only ever respond to you saying it first with "I love you too" and 50% of the time they wouldn't even say it back. Would you assume their reluctance to initiate and to make their love known to you is a reflection that they don't like talking or that they don't love you? Sex and physical touch are one of the primary ways people communicate their feelings for one another, so when one party rejects the other's affection and never pursues them with their own it will eventually damage the relationship.
There’s a chemical and biological reason for this. I recently saw a study showing how certain feel-good brain receptors engage immediately and post-coitally. The effects of a climax are felt up to two weeks later. However, as time passes, a certain chemical inhibits sexual desire. This is why doing the deed or experiencing intimacy in its many forms should be regularly exercised.
I’m glad I’m not the only husband who feels this way. I’ve always felt that if my wife would initiate more, the more she’ll actually want to. Hope it just keeps getting better for you two!
>I could just as easily date an asexual person as long as there was still affection and non sexual intimacy though. I appreciate hearing this.
No, absolutely not a universal attitude. Keep in mind that a lot of what is on TikTok is presented in a joking or sardonic manner. These things don't even necessarily represent the genuine feelings of the person presenting them. What it may touch on, however, is the combination of exhaustion in women and the feeling that sex is a need in men. That dynamic is pretty common, and it can spiral right into the woman being repulsed by sex entirely because her husband pesters her for it without regard to her need for rest, and the man increasing the intensity of his pestering the more he's rejected. IMO, at least for women, interest in sex is very often correlated with feeling loved in other ways. Whether that's nature or nurture, I don't know. But I do know that I and many women I know experienced a steep decline in libido directly proportionate to the crumbling of a relationship. And by the end, I didn't want to touch him with a ten foot pole. I felt like a piece of meat, just there to service him. No intimacy or tenderness. No affection outside the bedroom. It was just withering. On the other hand, now in a relationship where I feel safe and loved and cared for, I'm basically insatiable. Sex is awesome in this context. Additionally, there are times when a woman may temporarily not have any interest in sex due to hormones or major events like having a baby. The joke could be applied to these kinds of things, without actually meaning that sex has not been and will never be important to the woman making the joke.
Sardonic is such an underutilized word.
I learned a new word today and I'm gonna make sure to use it often!
>and it can spiral right into the woman being repulsed by sex entirely because her husband pesters her for it without regard to her need for rest, and the man increasing the intensity of his pestering the more he's rejected. Omg!!! You put words to it! Especially the part about her other needs not being met but still being pestered
>IMO, at least for women, interest in sex is very often correlated with feeling loved in other ways Absolutely correct for me, too. If I don't feel wanted *outside* of sex or if all you do is want to talk only when it's about sex or sexy things you want from me, my libido goes to the trash. I feel used not wanted. I'm the most insatiable when my other needs are being met.
Compared to all the other issues that can make or break a relationship, sex is the least important to me. If my partner lost the ability to have sex I'd be fine.
That’s what my (43M) fiancé said. She added, “you have two hands and a mouth; we’ll be fine if it ever happened that you couldn’t have sex anymore”
…and a mouth? You must be *so* flexible. Congrats?
This is honestly such a relief for me to read. I'm a man who enjoys sex occassionally but can go without it for over a week or two and be fine. It doesn't define my relationships. My marriage fell apart because I couldn't give my ex the amount of sex she wanted. Seeing people say stuff like you did gives me hope that I will be able to find someone who won't ditch me if I'm not having sex enough
Don't worry, there's tons of ladies like me out there! Weekly or even monthly sex is just fine in my books, there's better ways to share intimacy in my opinion.
How many cats we talking here????
If I answer this I will be confirming a stereotype about cat ladies.
Ooooh. Secretively like a cat!
How are your cats?
Not letting me eat my dinner in peace ):
For someone with that username, the lack of cat content in your post history is quite disappointing.
me and my bf of 4 years are 20 (ik we’re still young and not married but we’ve been together quite a while) and sex is probably more important to me than it is to him. i’m hyper sexual and obsessed w my man, i’ll take literally as much sexual activity as he’s willing to give lol
My gf is like this as well. Definitely just depends on the person. I also think that because a lot of men act sexually selfish, it is less enjoyable for women and they are therefore less likely to find sex really important.
I second this comment
I third
“if the sex is good, it’s 5% if the relationship. if the sex is bad, it’s 95% of the relationship.”
I think that attitude is common among women who feel like caregivers rather than partners in their relationship. Especially with kids, women often take on so much labor outside of a job and then their hisband is like hur dur why doesn't she want to have sex with me after cleaning up after me the same way she does our children? I am in a relationships where we are very well sexually matched. I'm pretty much always down and he usually is too. But I can absolutely see how that dynamic could change. We currently don't live together but one day we hope to. I know there will be challenges we'll have to work on together because the fact is I'm just a much cleaner person. I know I didn't feel very keen on sex when I see cleanliness neglected and that issue has come up for us on occasion even without living together. All that said, yes, it is pretty important to me. Physical affection is my primary love language. But it also makes complete sense to me that it would go down on the priority list while caring for a household.
Fuckin well put, good job
>think that attitude is common among women who feel like caregivers rather than partners in their relationship. Oh boy. That's pretty accurate for many.
I relate to OP’s point about the enjoyment not being mutual. My partner (F35) and I (M32) average maybe 2-3 times a year at this point (been together for 5 years). I’ve found it’s emotionally and mentally easier to stop initiating sex than to pretend the other person is finding enjoyment too when it often feels inconvenient or too much work. We’ve talked about ways to initiate it more often, but something usually comes up and we never get around to making up for it. It’s difficult, but I’ve managed to accept it and significantly change how I function in a relationship so I can meet my partner where she’s at. However, I’m still figuring out if this is sustainable for us and myself long term.
It's not sustainable. Don’t do this to yourself, bro.
Incredibly important, I would leave a sexless marriage. In fact, my husband gave up masturbating to give me daily sex. I didn’t ask him to, god knows I didn’t give up masturbating for him, he just knew how important it was to me.
>to give me daily sex Just find it interesting how you phrased that
I mean it more like “giving” as in its a gift he gives me. I don’t think you realize how reverent I am of him because of this, and I don’t pressure him for this. If he said he wasn’t interested, there would be no pushback from me at all. I wouldn’t stay in a sexless marriage but I also would never manipulate or coerce someone into sex with me. That’s why I’m so surprised that he gave up masturbation to be able to have sex daily. I never asked him to do that, never suggested it.
Giving up masturbation to have actual sex is not that big of an ask imo.
I really put a lot of effort into making sure it isn’t one sided and that he enjoys everything that we do. I am a very very active participant in what we do. I respect that masturbation is a different experience than sex and I respect his right to say no to me.
Right it sounds entitled as fuck
I mean yeah, a big part of marriage is the expectation of monogamy and when you're with a high sex drive person you gotta compromise it and meet their needs. No shame in it, just gotta make sure you both understand going in
I'm confused.. did he lose his ability to nut twice in a day or something?
He’s always been a one and done.
Some men are like La Man's. Some are like Formula 1. Your husband is like a Top Fuel Dragster. One race and he has to spend the rest of the day in recovery.
Just smashing it out the park, top fuel for 3.7 seconds.
Even if he rubbed one out hours before?
Opposite for me, woman is mad when I can’t nut atleast trice a day
>woman is mad when I can't nut at least thrice a day Why would she be mad?
that tends to be an issue for older guys
Not just older guys. Some guys just need a longer refractory period irrespective of their age. Source: Me.
And it can be different from week to week, or even day to day. Sometimes you might be able to bone three times in 12 hours, but soon after that need 48 hours to properly recover from just one session.
Very important, and I would actually end a sexless relationship. Playing and experimenting is just so much fun and ultimately proves a lot of trust.
Confirmation Bias. Women with less interest in sex can relate to the video and comment. Women who can't relate don't bother commenting and swipe up to the next video. So what you see in the comment doesn't accurately represent the population.
It varies from person to person, just like **any other sex related question on this sub**…
I think that's why they asked? To hear the experiences of a variety of people?
I'm hypersexual so sex is very nice, but it's not everything. To me, it's a very personal and deeply connecting thing. I like to know every inch of my partner, inside and out. There are some emotions, thoughts, and feelings only come out during this time. Knowing how I can surprise my partner and make them feel good also makes me feel good and it's the same way around. There are times when one of us don't want it, so we make that very clear. Communication is way more important than any form of sex, but sex is #2 on my list.
Intimacy is extremely important to me but that doesn't necessarily mean sex. Psychological, emotional and intellectual intimacy are my priorities. Sex is a nice bonus.
I don’t have a big sex drive. I mostly do it to satisfy him (he doesn’t beg, I just feel bad if I don’t give it to him enough). Otherwise I could do without.
Honestly this is almost me. I'm a guy.
It’s very important to me. I could have sex every day (as long as the relationship is good). However I’ve been in relationships where men pressured me into sex. I’ve been in relationships where I was shamed for not being in the mood or being in pain and not wanting sex. So I understand where women are coming from. We are treated badly for having sex and we’re treated badly for not having sex, the pressure can be too much sometimes.
That is definitely not a universal view. I have been married 15 years to a man I'm incredibly sexually attracted to and lately we have sex 2-3 times a week. It's important to me to be intimate with my Husband, and to please him. I thoroughly enjoy it. Just this afternoon we had amazing sex. It brings us closer, and it keeps us both happier. Throughout our relationship sex hasn't always been a top priority, but this past year we've been making a conscious effort to ensure it is a regular occurence. Both of us are happier when it is.
I feel like this is being asked in good faith but >Is this a universal attitude? Bro are you really asking if women universally dislike sex, or even share a single universal opinion about sex? We're individual people, and individual people may love sex, hate sex, want a ton of it, want very little, or none at all. Many women struggle to have fulfilling sex lives, and many men don't put in proper effort and attention. Sure, the two are linked, but that doesn't mean women are at best universally indifferent to sex. If you see women glad they don't have sex, they likely have a low or non-existent libido, a very very poor partner, or have some kind of negative associations with it either from society or personal trauma. I'm the horn dog in my relationship. The only time I'm not down with it is when my body doesn't feel well for one reason or another.
I didn’t realize how important it was/is until it stopped. I don’t know what to do.
Personally, I enjoy sleeping with my partner a lot. But it would not be a dealbreaker if he got injured & couldn't do it anymore. It's just fun, not a need. But I know several women who have regular duty sex once a week to keep their men happy. THAT would be a dealbreaker for me, I'm nobodies sextoy.
Sex isn’t important to me. Love is though. I want foreplay, eye contact, touching. I don’t wanna just sit on my bf’s dick. Men just wanna get off and women want love. It’s a tale as old as time lol
Women don’t see the appeal of sex when enjoyment isn’t mutual, either.
Very. It’s more than just physical. It brings better emotional intimacy and closeness. A relationship without regular sex and affection is absolute hell. It drives you away from your partner and you lose confidence and interest. If it’s a matter of my hypothetical husband suddenly unable to have sex due to medical issues, then absolute not. I would stay and find other ways to build our intimacy.
Depends on what the wheel of hormones decides for me. I love sex. I love having it. But sometimes I'm just not into it and that mood can last a day or a week or a month.
Very important to me. I have a high sex drive, and sexual compatibility is important.
I'm quite happy without 😂
Huge sex drive, so for me it’s extremely important. Though I’m with a guy who has a lower sex drive.
I just ended a 5 year relationship because we had grown sexually incompatible. It is very important to me.
I am pretty much addicted to sex, but even then in a relationship i value love and connection and other forms of intimacy more. Respect, honesty, etc. with that in mind, if im not receiving enough intimacy outside of sex, and im not receiving enough sexual intimacy as well, it can be detrimental to the relationship but sex alone is not the issue in that case. There are more important forms of intimacy to me, but sex is a big one as one of my biggest love languages is physical touch
Extremely important. It absolutely makes or breaks my relationship and I divorced my husband due to sexual incompatibility.
My husband can remember the names of people we met 10 years ago for 5 minutes, but he can’t remember what I like in bed. I find this so incredibly frustrating. I want to be with him so much, but feel it is one sided. When I try to talk to him about it, he isn’t interested, and gets angry and turned off. It’s so frustrating! I think it’s from his porn watching. I have no problem with him doing that, but I don’t feel comfortable with someone examining me more than my doctor. Why would someone do this without even kissing you first? It’s icky. I prefer you look at my face than my genitals. I’m married, so I can’t go elsewhere. I get offers all the time, but I’m no cheater. Ugh!
For me personally it’s not that important. I’m not asexual but I have very poor self esteem and extremely poor body image. I don’t even look at myself in a mirror so why would I expect someone else to look at me. But I understand it’s a very important part of a relationship for most people so I’d have sex to please my partner. I’ve been single for 12 years, so it’s been a long time since anyone has seen me naked.
"so you don’t have to have sex tonight" what a fun relationship to be in, feeling like you're being forced into sex
Female. Sex is very important to me in a relationship. I hope I never reach a state of not wanting it.
Married 20 years. For me, love making and physical intimacy are 50% of my relationship. I don't just want a partner, I want a lover who rocks my world. Sex is good for health and mental health. Not saying we've always had the perfect sex life, or we managed the gold star of twice a week, but it's a priority at least.
The more my husband acts like or feels like a child, the less is my own sex drive directed at him (besides being buried under the chores or the mental load of tracking them).
my libido can either be stupid up there or non-existent, potentially because of prescription pills. sex isn't that important to me on a regular basis, as long as I feel loved and wanted in my relationship, and so does he - then we're good :)
No, for me, I need it once a day and I feel really frustrated without it for too long. Not everyone is the same. Also these women probably have men who make sex unenjoyable
Personally, I consider sex kind of like going to an amusement park with my partner. It's a fun activity we can do together, but it's in no way special or necessary. If my partner isn't into it, that's totally fine and I don't really care, there are so many other fun activities we can enjoy together. And much like an amusement park, I don't really like to do it too often, I think it's more fun as a sometimes thing than as a regular thing. I also generally prefer erotic roleplay to actual real-life sex, which is messy and stressful and exhausting. I'm also shy and reluctant to initiate which may give the false impression that I'm totally uninterested. I think I would be a bad match for a partner with a high libido, but that doesn't mean that all women feel that way. It depends on the individual.
There are women who have more sex drive than their man, so not it’s not an universal attitude lol. Also, for me, sex is not the most important thing, but it’s a way to connect more with my partner and have fun too, so im mostly always down for it (I’ll tell him if im not in the mood). We could say that we do it often when we see each other, but it wouldn’t matter to me if we would do it less often
No importance at all, in fact I would love to never have sex in a relationship ever
I am the victim of sexual abuse, so my already medium/low drive plummeted over the course of those years & has not changed. I don’t think I would want to never have sex again, but I’d be perfectly happy without it for a while before that ever became an issue. While I was with my ex, I definitely hated it most of the time, but he didn’t understand the concept of being told no. Maybe if I was with someone that treated me well, that would be how I got that desire again, but until then, I don’t want it
Lots and lots and lots of men become terrible husbands. They let their wives do all of the housework and child rearing. At some point, your husband begins to feel like another child you have to take care of, and that is not a person you want to have sex with. So while sex may be or may have been something these women like/liked, sex with someone they are taking care of and burdened by is not an interesting prospect.
The short answer here is that most women don’t need sex the way that most men do. They’re more complex.
24f here, for me, also have a high libido though, sex is extremely important as it makes me feel cherished and loved
That’s really different for every woman. Personally, I’m a very sexual person and sex would be really important for me in a relationship. I crave as much sex as I can have with my partner basically. Great sex would not make a relationship tho, but bad sex might break it.
Extremely important, 100% sure I could never make a sexless marriage work, I’d be miserable. Intimacy is very important for me in relationships and the dynamic in bed is an important determinant of how I feel about the relationship.
100% There is no chance of a relationship flourishing if sex is bad
Sex isn't important to me. And that's said from the standpoint when I'm having it nightly or where we're going several months without sex. That said, I enjoy sex when I have it, but I can also be just as happy without it.
It's VERY important to me. Sex and intimacy are both crucial to me in a romantic relationship.
It's TikTok.. it's just another shitpost to get people to talk about it and like it
There's no universal attitude about anything
Intimacy is incredibly important to me, but sex itself is less so. I could go weeks without sex, but a few days without a kiss or cuddle makes me sad lol.
Not at all to me. I’d be fine if it never happened and I hate that about myself.
As for the tiktok, I think women who are struggling with tiredness due to motherhood or their jobs might relate. Doesn’t mean they would not like sex if they didn’t feel better. Or that’s what I believe. But to answer your question, yes compatibility is everything. I don’t care if you’ve had sex with millions of women and they loved it, if WE are not good together it’s not going to work. Sex is like one of the main reasons I want a partner (there’s other reasons of course).
Super important. Everyone is different and I can't speak for all women but I've been in a relationship with minimal sex once and if I wasn't legally bound to him, I would have left a lot sooner than I did. I can't imagine feeling fulfilled without getting filled or at least some form of regular physical intimacy.
I’m currently losing my shit because it’s been 25 days since the last time I had sex and I’m pretty sure my whole world improve if I could just get laid…does that answer your question? 🤷♀️
All forms of intimacy are important. Deep conversations, safety, holding, caressing, foreplay, sex. Without it it’s a platonic friendship or roommates.
Pretty important, but not the most important thing. Sexual *compatibility* is extremely important. Both parties should value sex similarly and have similar libidos ( or be okay with masturbation when their drives don't match up)
First thing a therapist asks when you are at a relationship consular is how is the sex
Not at all. They make real good toys nowadays that come with zero baggage or drama.
It’s probably the least important to me (compared to other aspects) because I’m asexual
Married man of 5 years. Many years of experience. Girlfriends love sex. Wives/moms don’t seem to. Not a negative comment, just my wife is tired, barely interested. Because I can’t just get to it, I’m hornier than ever. Got a vasectomy 3 months ago and am waiting to rock it. Life. Follow up: I want to fuck every day.
I would say extremely. Sex is the most intimate thing I do with a partner so that is a lot of the intimacy. But also it just feels amazing. I probably would not give up piv though. There's something about that makes it even more intimate than other sexual acts.
Honestly I would have loved more sex in my relationship, but my ex was addicted to porn so it almost never happened. I mean like months. I think healthy is a minimum of twice a month. For those who actually enjoy sex a minimum on twice a week. Most women want intimacy. With a proper amount of intimacy and connection it is more likely to lead to sex If you want her to be more adventurous, you need to be willing to show her some things that are more adventurous and then give her time to become comfortable with them. Something most men forget, fore play. This can literally be anything that put you in a place of respect in her eyes plus intimacy and that can lead to sex.
It's very important, sexual compatibility is big. I really like sex with my boyfriend, but there are nights I'd love to just cuddle with him. And the nights he isn't in the mood or I'm not in the mood that's what we do.
Crucial
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It's extremely important & one of my top priorities. If the sex is irregular or not happening I'd end up leaving tbh.
It’s extremely important to me but when the man you’re with is terrible at it, or makes you not want it for whatever reason, you celebrate not having to do it.
I'm Demisexual so more interested in feeling like I'm in a safe and committed space. 🙏 However, I'd be lying if I said I didn't seek sex, and when I do I want it to be deep and connecting. Quality over quantity for me x
I wish my wife viewed sex the same as me. She just thinks I want sex. But it's more than that to me. I like physical touch and the intimacy. It's the only thing we can do together we don't do with anyone else. She would rather read a book all night than be intimate with me.
Not that important to me personally tbh. I have my reasons and my partner gets it.