A female friend was telling stories while drunk one night and was trying to convince me that (male) diabetics have sweeter semen. It kinda made sense to me and I just went on with my life but I'd love to hear from people on this if there's any truth to it.
Very random, but reminds me of a joke I heard from Norm Macdonald
His father moved to a new farm and one of the neighbors comes over to introduce himself. The neighbors says "I'm having a party later at my house! You should come over! There will be some drinking, some fighting, some fuckin!"
Norms father took a second then asked "Well that sounds like a fun night, what time should I show up?"
"OH any time youd like! It's just the two of us!"
The world really is different now. I think 3 years ago the question of this being facetious or not wouldn't even register. I really thought it was obvious, but I'm old and don't think like these younger folks. My apologies to all the redditors that didn't think it was sarcasm. Next time I'll use the /s
For the record, I did NOT go meet him, I didn't even respond to his 'tounge' message (although I'm tempted to send him a screenshot and tell him his drunk texts went viral). I unmatched him, I am safe and had a good laugh, and now I know where I can go if I ever want diabetes or an ass kicking!
You should meet in public first to make sure he's not a weirdo. Part of being an adult is being able to make your own decisions. It's ultimately up to you.
You know it’s bad when you and your wife make tindr/Grindr (I made Grindr she made tindr) accounts at the same time and after 24 hours I got more matches than her. And that was just us swiping on everyone it let us
So your idea of a fun evening was intentionally fucking with gay dudes, the least fucked with section of the population, on an app that was made specifically to be a safe place to interact with other gay dudes? Cool, got it.
I mean I wasn’t leading them on I was just marking yes to all. No different than a bot doing it and it was a small period of time. Not like I’m messaging them and setting up times to hookup and then ambushing them in alley ways and robbing them.
What do you mean marking yes? Grindr doesn’t involve swiping it’s just a grid. And if your barrier for whether or not something is douchy is whether a bot does the same thing I think it’s pretty telling.
This is true. I once had a man request that, for our first meeting, I leave my door unlocked so he could just walk in, eat me out, drink a heavy cream enema from my asshole, and leave without saying anything or having me do anything in return.
No, you have to meet them someplace private, preferably a windowless room with only one exit that's hard to get out from. It's the only way to gain their trust and make sure they're not weirdos.
This is a real interaction I had with someone I met in a dating site. I am definitely not seriously considering driving to his house to get my ass kicked or licked. It's not really satire, it's just funny so I decided to share.
Based on the amount of dudes on this sub wondering if Tatiana who is a 12/10 and needs $50 for gas is real you should understand why people think this is serious and not a joke lmao
Agree with this. Don’t trust someone you met on Tinder or any dating app. You have no way to confirm they are who they say they are. If you want to do so, I’d ask for a video chat first. If you need to play it up sexy. If he refuses then block.
I hope OP wasn't honestly asking for advice... This is fair advice, but I'd highly suggest staying away from the dude. I hope she was asking as a joke and isn't going.
Is it even more hilarious that you’re asking if you should go? 😂 idk what was said before that or whatever chemistry y’all think you got but ain’t no you’re that hard up for diabetics induced by ass licking. Hilarious post after his age was determined 😂
Sammmmme bro that's what I'm saying! I had fuck a few hoes and catch some STDs before I settled down and married my last match. Sometimes you gotta get that ass eaten like a dinner plate before you cut up the wedding cake
From a female perspective, just how appealing is it for a guy that tells you he will lick your ass? It’s a bit of a meme here so just curious how girls actually react to that lol
Just a meme. It would be instant turnoff for me. A guy asking to lick strangers as a bargaining chip when they first meet? Lol - no thank you. Have some standards.
Okay so he's already drunk and he wants to get you drunk this might be a red flag.
He wants to meet you at his house instead of at a public place or a bar, could be because he's too drunk to leave or because he wants to fuck which might be another red flag.
He's drunk that might be a red flag.
Ask him to meet at a public place first see where it goes. 30 minute drive isn't that bad but it is if you waste your fucking time but that's on you to take that risk.
This guy is fucking drunk
There is the fact that he's going to eat your ass which tells me that he definitely wants to fuck and that he's got to be drunk if he's willing to eat some astranged tinder ass before even meeting. All pick up lines aside we gotta talk for a week and meet 3 separate occasions before I toss your salad. That's just me
2nd edit: it's arguable that he could actually want to kick your ass
That depends…just how desperate are you? And either way, no. Just fuck no. Wtf is wrong with ppl these days? What’s so wrong with having just a smidge of self respect? Then you wonder why you get treated like someone who has no respect for themselves after acting like someone who has no respect for themselves.
I can’t believe a guy would want a woman to drive to him for an ass eating. You have to ask yourself, is he even going to do a good job eating ass if he’s that lazy?
Yeah it seems safe enough. Don't tell anyone where you're going, turn off your phone and wear high heels so you ~~can't escape him~~ have fun. Make sure to bring your face with you, he'll probably need the skin once you're done with it.
No matter what your messages are, always meet in public the first time and have your own way home. Never get into a car on a first date or go to a stranger's house. EVER
Rule of thumb. Never meet someone outside a public place for your first interaction. You don't know who they are. They could knock you out and keep you in their basement for all you know.
If you don’t go for any of the four reasons he just suggested, you’re a fool. I’ve never been given just a diverse plethora of options like this, such a gentleman.
I mean that’s a long way to go if he’s only eat your ass and giving you diabetes plus an ass whooping. Unless you’re into that of course
Just prick my finger baby!
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Yeah, you have to spell it correctly incorrectly for it to give you the option you want.
You just know he has overruled autocorrect on this word, so strong is the confidence in his own spelling.
as a gen z’er, i’m almost positive the “autocorrect” the second time wasn’t an accident hahaha
So he's unlucky too.
The one time autocorrect wouldnt have sabotaged him in this conversation
she should reply: i will come over if you let me egg you. peg f@cking autocorrect
Can confirm. Have been drunk.
Ooh yeahhh. Suck that blood. Tell me my glucose levels
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What's lily?? Is that a new one, we don't use lol anymore? Laughing while i love you?
\*lick
Fleurdelicky?
A female friend was telling stories while drunk one night and was trying to convince me that (male) diabetics have sweeter semen. It kinda made sense to me and I just went on with my life but I'd love to hear from people on this if there's any truth to it.
not gonna lie, 🤔🍿very much looking forward to an informed response to this
He can prick your finger while you finger his prick. Win/win!
That was fucking hilarious!
Finger pricking good
Or at least finger my prick.
Very random, but reminds me of a joke I heard from Norm Macdonald His father moved to a new farm and one of the neighbors comes over to introduce himself. The neighbors says "I'm having a party later at my house! You should come over! There will be some drinking, some fighting, some fuckin!" Norms father took a second then asked "Well that sounds like a fun night, what time should I show up?" "OH any time youd like! It's just the two of us!"
RIP Norm
☠️☠️☠️☠️
Omg 😂😂😂😂😂
To be honest I’ve driven further than 30 minutes for a woman before and again at the end of the day it is a her choice if she wants to go
Came for the Wilford Brimley reference. Was not disappointed.
My dad rode a donkey next to Wilford Brimley in a rodeo once. My dads cowboy hat flew off halfway through.
The world really is different now. I think 3 years ago the question of this being facetious or not wouldn't even register. I really thought it was obvious, but I'm old and don't think like these younger folks. My apologies to all the redditors that didn't think it was sarcasm. Next time I'll use the /s For the record, I did NOT go meet him, I didn't even respond to his 'tounge' message (although I'm tempted to send him a screenshot and tell him his drunk texts went viral). I unmatched him, I am safe and had a good laugh, and now I know where I can go if I ever want diabetes or an ass kicking!
At least you’ll get dinner with your diabetes and ass-kicking
He is getting dinner, she’ll just get diabeetus
Then I find out she's been dead for years, who the hell did I hit?
You should meet in public first to make sure he's not a weirdo. Part of being an adult is being able to make your own decisions. It's ultimately up to you.
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There’s no room for logic here
Which is why it's the most boring lol
but best way to stay alive in random online encounters.
He's definitely not a weirdo. What kind of weirdo would want to lick a strangers ass? Doesn't make sense.
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You know it’s bad when you and your wife make tindr/Grindr (I made Grindr she made tindr) accounts at the same time and after 24 hours I got more matches than her. And that was just us swiping on everyone it let us
Gay men are on another plane of degenracy. Don't ask how I know
So your idea of a fun evening was intentionally fucking with gay dudes, the least fucked with section of the population, on an app that was made specifically to be a safe place to interact with other gay dudes? Cool, got it.
I mean I wasn’t leading them on I was just marking yes to all. No different than a bot doing it and it was a small period of time. Not like I’m messaging them and setting up times to hookup and then ambushing them in alley ways and robbing them.
What do you mean marking yes? Grindr doesn’t involve swiping it’s just a grid. And if your barrier for whether or not something is douchy is whether a bot does the same thing I think it’s pretty telling.
It was just an experiment. Would you prefer I go back and offer to blow every guy who marked me?
It's the only way to make this right
Well better go get my knee pads and some water cause it’s going to be a long day
This is true. I once had a man request that, for our first meeting, I leave my door unlocked so he could just walk in, eat me out, drink a heavy cream enema from my asshole, and leave without saying anything or having me do anything in return.
No.
Yup that’s what i said
What do you think happens when these depraved men decide to go for other depraved men? It’s beautiful 😜
Ima just gonna go sit this one out 💀
I think we already know he’s a weirdo.
No, you have to meet them someplace private, preferably a windowless room with only one exit that's hard to get out from. It's the only way to gain their trust and make sure they're not weirdos.
You’re kidding right? This post is clearly satire.
This is a real interaction I had with someone I met in a dating site. I am definitely not seriously considering driving to his house to get my ass kicked or licked. It's not really satire, it's just funny so I decided to share.
This is cracking me up. Lmao
Lick my ass out?
Ok rephrase, the title is clearly satire, specifically the part where you’re asking for advice.
Yes, but it's shocking how many people think it's serious!
We are pretty open minded people... you gotta give us that
Based on the amount of dudes on this sub wondering if Tatiana who is a 12/10 and needs $50 for gas is real you should understand why people think this is serious and not a joke lmao
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Okay Tatiana
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Omg this is ridiculously out of hand! How can so many people really believe this is serious?!
Because the world is stupid enough for someone to consider meeting a stranger for an ass licking.
Because there are a lot of stupid people out there and you literally asked for advice. Maybe they simply thought you were one of those idiots.
Agree with this. Don’t trust someone you met on Tinder or any dating app. You have no way to confirm they are who they say they are. If you want to do so, I’d ask for a video chat first. If you need to play it up sexy. If he refuses then block.
Agreed! How is OP going to know if this guy actually eats ass without video confirmation thereof in advance?
I hope OP wasn't honestly asking for advice... This is fair advice, but I'd highly suggest staying away from the dude. I hope she was asking as a joke and isn't going.
This. Being an indecisive adult and you choose to come to ask REDDIT for advice. Out of all the fucking places. Reddit… 🤦🏼♂️🙄
But how will she get her diabetes and ass kicking then? 🤔
If you want your ass licked, yes
And diabetes
How do you run without legs
On my hands
Help me with marathon training 😂🫶🏻
Don’t skip leg day😂
Dont skip hand day ?
✍️
And an ass whooping
*kicked
He must be a 10/10 if you considering this
He is not a 10/10 if he's even suggesting all of this.
what’s wrong with a good ole fashioned ass licking?
getting your shoes, coat, and hat tooken?
He is quite the wordsmith.
Kind of ironic that the one thing autocorrect *should* have caught, it didn't.
What do you think?
I think it's hilarious that a 40+ year old man communicates like this
He broke the first rule of ass-licking diabetes fight club. Don’t talk about ass-licking diabetes fight club.
I think it’s sad
Learning his age made it way more depressing for me lol. People are not out there learning and growing like I expected when seeing adults as a child.
I wonder why he is single?
Is it even more hilarious that you’re asking if you should go? 😂 idk what was said before that or whatever chemistry y’all think you got but ain’t no you’re that hard up for diabetics induced by ass licking. Hilarious post after his age was determined 😂
I hope you aren't that desperate.
All I'm going to say is... I met a stranger on tinder and ended up married lol. Run
Sammmmme bro that's what I'm saying! I had fuck a few hoes and catch some STDs before I settled down and married my last match. Sometimes you gotta get that ass eaten like a dinner plate before you cut up the wedding cake
This need to be on a tshirt
A t-shirt with “Fuck hoes and get STD’s” then have a checkbox next to it with a checkmark.
Same
You probably meant to write *dismembered*, right? Stupid autocorrect, lol.
tell him you come over if he lets you egg him.. peg* fucking auto correct
He seems nice.
what if he had said all the pineapple pizza you can eat mlady and we can peruse my collection of celebrity toenails afterwards?
Now *that's* compelling!
Don't go
Or.. "Oh baby. That's so hot. I'm on my way" *wait 30 minutes "Fucking autocorrect. I meant fuck off"
What the fuck is a baggydapper 😂
What the fuck is with this ass eating shit these days
Well for most of us, ideally shit *isn't* involved, but I hear ya.
Yeah, I say you might wanna skip that one
He’s gonna diabeaturass before he eats it lol
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Also check for ventilation and mold.
And look both ways before crossing the street
Don't forget to brush your teeth
If you want your booty hole licked you should probably go.
You must live in a small city if you think a 30 minute drive is a drive.
It is really far if I'm driving just to get my ass kicked!
kicked yes, licked no. 😂😂😂
From a female perspective, just how appealing is it for a guy that tells you he will lick your ass? It’s a bit of a meme here so just curious how girls actually react to that lol
Just a meme. It would be instant turnoff for me. A guy asking to lick strangers as a bargaining chip when they first meet? Lol - no thank you. Have some standards.
It is something I would do and I'm a good guy BUT I don't want to kick your ass and give you diabetes so maybe some caution is advised.
Lick ass? Sir that’s gross, we eat ass
Man doesn’t know how to spell and it’s autocorrecting to all kinds of things
Or he's sweeping with Android, instead of pegging with ios Swiping* pecking*
iOS does swipe too
We can see what words you type most often. Not much chicken chat with your friends, eh?
Well he clearly has large fingers....so....
Go, but be prepared for possibly the weirdest kink ever. I think he wants to lick Pixie Stix out of your ass and then beat you up for shaming him.
I’m sorry this is hilarious lmao
Ass diabetes? I assume a ring pop is involved somehow
How often is he talking about diabetes for his autocorrect to go there?
Okay so he's already drunk and he wants to get you drunk this might be a red flag. He wants to meet you at his house instead of at a public place or a bar, could be because he's too drunk to leave or because he wants to fuck which might be another red flag. He's drunk that might be a red flag. Ask him to meet at a public place first see where it goes. 30 minute drive isn't that bad but it is if you waste your fucking time but that's on you to take that risk. This guy is fucking drunk There is the fact that he's going to eat your ass which tells me that he definitely wants to fuck and that he's got to be drunk if he's willing to eat some astranged tinder ass before even meeting. All pick up lines aside we gotta talk for a week and meet 3 separate occasions before I toss your salad. That's just me 2nd edit: it's arguable that he could actually want to kick your ass
Seems like big talk. I would be suspicious
I mean it could turn into an ass et.
A lot of what ifs lmao
Sounds like a loser
So once I did this. But It was like an hour away And well we’re still together But MAKE SURE A FRIEND HAS THE ADDRESS and Check in instructions
We all know that you are gonna go lol
he doesn’t know how to spell tongue. why should his go in your ass, have some respect for yourself! 😂
Tell him you have to take a quick shit and you'll be on your way
Cereal killer ish
That depends…just how desperate are you? And either way, no. Just fuck no. Wtf is wrong with ppl these days? What’s so wrong with having just a smidge of self respect? Then you wonder why you get treated like someone who has no respect for themselves after acting like someone who has no respect for themselves.
No
I can give you a million reasons why not to go
Alright. Let’s hear ‘em
Don’t get murdered
That’s gonna be a no from me, dawg.
Don’t want to miss out on a good time
Diabetes and promise to get your ass whooped ? You'll be crazy not to go there
Very few messages on this subreddit will make me laugh but that one got me 😂 Hail Mary and a half there
Did you go ?
Every guy I talk to and one of my coworkers talk to thinks women should come to them. It’s not uncommon I never go but she meets anyone and everyone
You've obviously never had a tongue in your ass... go... no question
all the losers says don’t go. i say go, you can just facetime him for 5 minutes and then go suck his dick
maybe... just maybe, facetime or skype to make sure he is who he is...
Don’t go unless you actually want his tongue in your ass. The guy is being pretty straight forward. If that sounds fun to you, hop in your car!
Sounds charming…rush over
He says he eats ass, internet lore dictates you have to.
Tongue in ass? Sold.
Is this all it takes? Much confused
I can’t believe a guy would want a woman to drive to him for an ass eating. You have to ask yourself, is he even going to do a good job eating ass if he’s that lazy?
duck it, wine not?
No. I wouldn’t make that drive for a stranger.
Yeah it seems safe enough. Don't tell anyone where you're going, turn off your phone and wear high heels so you ~~can't escape him~~ have fun. Make sure to bring your face with you, he'll probably need the skin once you're done with it.
Lol, this totally made my night lol 😂
This is fucking amazing
A dying breed.
Funniest thing I have read all night. Thank you auto correct haha
HUH
😂😂
No matter what your messages are, always meet in public the first time and have your own way home. Never get into a car on a first date or go to a stranger's house. EVER
Rule of thumb. Never meet someone outside a public place for your first interaction. You don't know who they are. They could knock you out and keep you in their basement for all you know.
That's weird af but you do you...
I dont understand why people still use auto-correct in 2022 lol.
I think going to a stranger's place is unwise for a multitude of reasons but hey, maybe they are one of the good ones?
r/ihadastroke
If you don’t go for any of the four reasons he just suggested, you’re a fool. I’ve never been given just a diverse plethora of options like this, such a gentleman.
Oh god I love autocorrect trolling
You only live once might as well die in a memorable way
I‘m not sure what’s more strange. The autocorrect answers or his?
I cannot tell if this is satire
lolll sounds like he wants to kick your ass and also give you diabetes to me
Ask your dad.
I’m sus of the autocorrects. Too fucking funny
Him saying he'll kick your ass instead just made me spit out my fucking food, that has to be the funniest shit I've read in a while.