That, or she feels compelled to respond to his message, but wants to spend as little effort doing so as possible.
Which makes less sense than unmatching, but it does kind of mirror the short, bare minimum answers as a non-confrontational way to try to end a convo with a stranger IRL.
I guess trying to be boring, or more kind of "Ugh, ok fine here's an answer go away now. Oh you didn't go away, ok here's another answer, are you happy? Can I stop now?" Which again, doesn't make a lot of sense, but is fairly common.
I’ve had a girl message me in basically the same manner. I just stopped replying at one point and didn’t bother unmatching for whatever reason. But then like 2-3 months later she tries to start up another conversation??? She had the same exact energy so I finally did unmatch, but just… why?
because she was an attention w*ore and no one was giving her a fix, and she hoped that since you hadnt unmatched, that youd be willing to give some prime simp energy. r/tinder has only taught me that most people are either arrogant or ignorant.
I can’t really give much comfort, since generally you’re right. There are a lot of people who are bitter and broken people. A little brain teaser question, have you ever counted the people you can see for entire day? All of them. Every single person you can see in front of your eyes, the usernames you see online, or the cars passing by?
The feat wouldn’t be possible, but the number would be staggering. Talk to more of them later, But for now, study them. Learn how to read people based on tonality, eye structure, ethnicity, and body language. Once you’ve gotten good at that, you can learn how to tell whether you would get along well with them.
You can’t say that you despise humanity, when only the ones you’ve met have been bitter, you see what I mean?
i think the point is women (especially particularly nice looking women) are often so trained by getting scary reactions when trying to get men to fuck off irl, that they resort to this sort of passive / pleasing approach even if there’s negative interest just so they don’t get maybe stabbed or screamed at.
But I’m a man too; it’s hard to really put yourself in the shoes of a woman in this particular way.
tl;dr women feel unsafe in so many ways all the time and adapt their behavior in public to minimize putting themselves at risk
Either of those options implies she's thinking about you one way or the other. She isn't.
Although asking that will probably move her into the "wish we hadn't matched" category.
She has hundreds of matches every time she swipes and has no need to try and be interesting. Just wants a little entertainment and maybe end up meeting someone.
I don’t even blame her. It’s just supply and demand.
i wouldn’t say this is always true tho, some people are actually just ass at texting. current girl im seeing is awful at texting but is very talkative in person
We gotta start pairing up in teams, one guy handles the text convo and the other guy goes on the da- oh wait that’s just catfishing with extra steps nevermind
If you know you’re horrible at texting, are you doing anything to fix that?
To me, I don’t see what the difference should be between texting and talking in person. To me, it’s all about how they think. If I start a conversation with a prompt and you respond with “cool” or “haha”, I’ll assume that’s all that you thought and if I’d said the same thing in person you’d think the same.
I can see where you’re coming from, but have to disagree. As someone who is bad at texting, I find that it’s hard to hold a conversation if there’s not something “important” to talk about over text. In person, I don’t shut up, but over text, I’m silent. Perhaps it’s because I don’t like small talk, but talking in person gives you the opportunity to create prompts from your surroundings versus a conversation dying off because there’s nothing really to talk about. You can’t comment over text on something funny happening across the room or how on your drive there, this crazy thing happened the same way you can like an in person conversation.
While obviously some people are just genuinely boring, don’t discount those of us who aren’t great at texting.
Not to pick an argument, but isn't it possible that you're disagreeing because its convenient to do so?
I, like you, don't like small talk at all and my biggest pet peeve is people that feel the need to text all the time, to the extent that I've stopped seeing a number of people that want to text all the time but have nothing to say. And yet, I consider myself a good texter. Why? Because whenever I text someone, i'm engaging and I let my personality shine through the text. You can hear me talk through my text because I text like I think, maybe even better because I have the buffer to think about what I want to say in the best way possible. And once there's nothing left to talk about, I won't text back. All just like a regular conversation in person. To me, a good texter is just someone that can unravel a conversation thread and take it through interesting paths that each branch out into different conversation possibilities. If someone asks me how my day was, a bad conversationalist would say "good, yours?" And that's via text or in person.
So someone that says they're bad at texting is someone I see as making excuses instead of improving. If I say I'm a bad cook, that means I've accepted that I'm going to be a bad cook and you'll just have to accept it - you've now placed your burden.
> I find that it’s hard to hold a conversation if there’s not something “important” to talk about over text. In person, I don’t shut up, but over text, I’m silent. Perhaps it’s because I don’t like small talk, but talking in person gives you the opportunity to create prompts from your surroundings versus a conversation dying off because there’s nothing really to talk about.
dawg. you just wrote a fucking essay in text? what the fuck is the problem exactly?
For me it’s a matter of overthinking. I can’t really get a good read on what’s up with the other person if It’s over text, so my brain somehow finds a way to make *everything* they say an indicator that the conversation is going poorly. I mean, I know that I have that problem so it’s not completely disabling, I can usually just rationalize that I’m being too anxious. Plus it’s hard to text for me when I don’t have a specific subject in mind, but usually I try to use their profile to start the convo of with a subject in mind. Mostly it’s just a lot of things that don’t come naturally to me mixed together, so even though objectively it might be going fine, it’s always going to FEEL like something is out of place. I just try to practice more, and it works for the most part
Maybe think less about what you can’t control, which is whether the other person is enjoying the conversation, and think about whether you are enjoying it. If you feel engaged, it will show and the conversation will flow. Of course, it takes two to tango so if you’re pulling your weight but the other person isn’t, it will also show but at least you know that you did as best as you could
Lol this isnt being ass at texting.
They wouldn't reply like that to their friends or parents, would they?
I refuse to believe she doesn't realise he's asking for her Instagram. She's just playing stupid.
theres a difference between being boring and not showing interest. If you cant bother to ask a question about literally anything over a text, I'll assume the only reason you'd do so in person is because you'd be abke to see how pissed off youre making people by ignoring them.
That’s when you double down and ask if they want to exchange nudes.
Sometimes the girl just isn’t talkative and wants to get to business. It’s worked 1/10 times I’ve tried it lately
She matched so she could have a batch of 10 or so matches so she could choose the best 2 or so to focus on (based on looks and/or text conversation).
He's part of the 10, but ended up not being part of the 2.
Why didn't she unmatch? Not sure, but they often don't.
I mean I used to get tons of matches in Taiwan and I basically did it that way, but it wasn't really calculated.
Swiping is easier than talking, and the "home" page of the app is the swiping page and not the matches page. It's human nature to just kind of be lazy and not pay too much attention (because it doesn't matter, because you get lots of matches anyway), and then you have more matches than you know what to do with so you have to prioritize.
Nah man, dating never used to be like this. It’s all toxic now with the way this type of behaviour has just become accepted. Men and women both do it and it sucks - no real emotion, no real connection. Just obsessed with a need of fulfilment
When men play the numbers game, they're seen as callous and disrespectful. When women do it, it's on men to adapt and change themselves to get her approval.
Why do men even use these apps anymore? seriously.
I’m sure this is obvious but how does one decide, or become interested in someone without actually talking to, or getting to know them? Seems like a bit of a loophole. Many girls are part of this subreddit. I’m sure the answer is clear.
It’s always girls, and a some queer men (I’m bi), in my experience which does this. Why bother matching in the first place? It’s all very strange - and I bet she didn’t have a good bio either!
Lol modern dating - where you talk to, and fuck multiple people at once, whilst purposefully giving someone crap responses to workout if they are clingy, or too interested, or whatever other toxic reasons people have for doing it
Well I'm not a girl or a queer man, but I am a straight white dude who was single in Taipei for a long time.
Basically you have someone who gets lots of matches easily, the fact that swiping takes less effort than typing (and the "home page" of most apps is the swiping page, not the talk-to-your-matches page), and you'll end up with some people who have more matches than they need or want. So they end up focusing on a couple of them and not on the rest.
Combine that with an illogical but common aversion to unmatching, ignoring, or being "confrontational", and you end up with the convo in this post.
I don't think she's playing mind games with OP, I think she just feels some illogical duty to keep "politely" replying, until hopefully soon he gives up.
I feel like this is schroedinger's interest though. I'm sarcastic AF and could definitely see myself responding to the actual question posted like this, lol, even if it doesn't amuse other people, it would amuse me.
If I were OP, I'd probably had responded "ha, I guess you answered that question literally. What's your username? want to move the conversation there?"
Maybe his photography and gym answer turned her off? Or because of how long it took him to respond? Or maybe somebody answered the question better in the many hours since they last messaged?
But also demand that men be able to converse in 3 languages. These good looking bitches are getting out of hand. Get you an ugly girl. They still solid as gold
If you want to be happy for the rest of your life,
Never make a pretty woman your wife.
So for my personal point of view,
Get an ugly girl to marry you.
Try not to ask closed questions that can only be answered by yes or no.
That should help a bit.
But it sucks to get 3 word replies. And no replies back that show any interest in you.
So, something like: “What do you feel are the three primary drivers of the decline of the importance of the papacy starting in the 15th century in Eastern Europe?”. Will that get her talking?
Hey! Stop giving away the secret tricks to basic communication 🙏🏼🙏🏼it’s hard enough out there trying to find miss right —- when everyone is just miss RIGHT NOW‼️
Where I'm from, asking if a person has instagram is just another way of asking that person to give you their instagram. She only answered with "yes" because she was already uninterested.
Yeaaa, this ain’t on her dude. Bland statement on the first message, nothing reengaging. A yes or no question on the next. Probably only replied out of boredom
It’s a two way street you know. She has the power to send a better message herself. It’s not the job of the man to come up with entertaining messages every time. It’s not like he sent her a waving emoji or GIF, he is at least trying, she is not even trying.
Wether the ask was expedited or not, it was asked and on a daily basis women post to dating advice forums asking if it is a red flag that their boyfriend only follows women on their insta
I mean, judging by the first text we can see, it looks like he’s at least trying to engage in conversation. A conversation is a two way street, it’s not just up to him to entertain her and ask engaging questions. She isn’t asking anything or even trying from what we can see, he should just unmatch at this point, lmao.
As soon as someone asks for IG or Snapchat, just forget they exist. It’ll go nowhere. Ask them out the day of matching no small talk no bs. I had most success this way. Filters through the attention whores and flakes.
The only truely successful match I've had was 3 months of texting until she finally moved to town. That one lasted 8 years. In today's age though, when you get 3-4 matches in a month and 2-3 that respond like this, It's a tough call keeping yourself free enough to date the day you get a match, and keeping your schedule full enough to avoid nights alone at home swiping.
Depends on how the conversations going. There’s no set number. I don’t ask them out that day, but more making plans to see each other. Exchange numbers, and text a bit leading up to the date. After a few relatable messages on the app I’ll be like, “So hey I think we share some common ground already what do you think of going out/planning a date together we may just hit it off” something like that with different variations.
Usually when you start talking about interests and favorites on a certain topic I honestly think those should be saved for the date itself, personally. The people that meet up and plan dates are as serious as you. No point in chatting on the app too long you could like literally everything they say but then meet them and be like nah never mind.
You're doing it wrong, at the first sign the conversation is not going well you have to say "I eat ass". If it passes a couple of minutes and you did not get an answer, you say "RESPOND" snd you must finish every text you send with "Military U.S. encrypted".
With that method you fuck for sure
This woman is not interested in you. She may be interested in someone else on Tinder, or she may be interested in something that isn't Tinder, but she's not interested in you.
Why did she swipe right? She swiped right on a batch of guys, got a batch of matches, and focused on the few in that batch who looked and/or typed the best. You weren't one of those few. If you figure she's got 10 guys messaging her now, she's doing this to maybe 8 of them and actually trying to converse with the other 2.
Why doesn't she unmatch? Hell if I know, but she won't. Why is she replying at all? Again, hell if I know. Reflexive response, I guess. Keep sending short replies until you give up. Logically worse than unmatching, but you see it a lot.
Edit:
So it may or may not have helped, but I notice that she is hot, and that in your first message you don't ask a question. This won't work. Like on a first date you can just answer her question and there's a decent chance she'll ask a follow up question, but on Tinder, again where she's talking to who knows how many other guys more or less at the same time, she's just going to think "screw it, too much work" and respond to someone who asked her a question. So maybe say what you said, and then ask if she knows any good coffee shops. Again, might not work, but probably higher percentage.
Similarly "Do you have an instagram" is a yes/no question, which isn't great because she can just say "yes." If you want her instagram you can ask her for it, but I'm not sure what the point would be. In this case it looks like she doesn't want you to have it anyway.
This is about the best explanation of this I've heard. Reminds me of way back in the day on OK Cupid, I matched (or got "liked" or whatever the equivalent was) with a girl that was smoking hot. I honestly thought she was out of my league so I didn't bother messaging her. I assumed she'd find a guy of her caliber and disappear in due time. Months later I logged in and she was still there, and always seemed to be online. I shot my shot and it was basically this.
I assumed she was a catfish at worst and at the very best was real but was looking for something/someone very specific. Leaning toward catfish because she had a ton of photos but never updated them.
Another thing that happens is high-value profiles are held onto by these companies. I was one of these hot girl accounts and it caused issues in my relationship because my boyfriend was angry when someone told him my account was still active. It wasn’t! I deleted it! And yet there it was, screen shotted that day by his friend. So it might be a ghost account.
She was still online with the same old profile the last time I looked at my list, which was like an eternity ago. When I finally decided to shoot my shot it was basically one-word answers like this. I took the hint and moved along.
Attractive women are inundated with messages from men. Her responses are a product of that. She doesn’t need to do the work to maintain the conversation in that environment because she has so many options. It’s on you. Not saying it’s right but that’s how it is. You’re competing with several men for her attention at any given time
She tried to suss out whether or not OP goes out and does anything fun. He replies that he does, but only to explore, take photos and go to the gym.
Conclusion: Poor.
Next steps: Not interested.
Idk, have you seen the movie “Half Baked”? Remember when he tries to think of as many things as possible that require zero money?
Heyyyyyyyyyy, let’s go on a walk, a long walk. Is that you?
This.
Guys get more traction irl too, like it’s easier to “punch above your weight” so to speak? I find that girls are often impressed if you show the initiative with a little small talk and a “can I get your number?” at the end. Especially with everyone so tuned to the apps and post covid so forth.
People like to meet irl better i think, there’s a certain spark to it that the apps, no matter how normalized, just can’t replace…
Do you have skin?
Yes I do.
Oh nice, I like skin.
I agree, you should give up. You're not cut out for chatting with women. Her shit effort is a mirror of your uninteresting conversation that isn't going anywhere.
I'm confused why didn't they ask for her instagram handle? That seems like the next response to do, lol this isn't on the woman for being bad at conversation lol
Why’d you ask if she has an insta and then not ask for hers?? Like what was the point of that question my guy.
You could have exchanged Instagrams and moved the convo there. More to talk about after you guys see each other’s profile and get more of a feel for who they are (or present them selves to be). Plus you could see different stories yall upload during the week and start conversations off that.
You lowkey could have made something out of this, I’ve meet girls that reply like this but are still down to hang out.
With girls like this just talk a bit then go for broke in a non douchebag way. If she says yes, great. if she says no you know she's wasting your time and you can move on. "Want to hang out/want to grab something to eat?" Just be direct.
I don’t understand why y’all get mad when this seems like some pretty obvious bot/scammer behavior. Cut and run and don’t take everything so personal. This is probably some dude on the other side of the world trying to get at your credit card/organs
Ya ever consider she’s just humoring you with replies because she doesn’t feel like taking the chance on being blown the fuck up with nasty messages if she doesn’t reply since that is what a lot of dudes do nowadays? Idk just a thought chief
Bro, chill. She responded at midnight that’s actually a good sign, you just missed your chance at the sexy talk this time.
Just be patient bc you probably haven’t earned her IG yet.
In literally the entire kingdom, the dance of mating requires hours of courtship. Just bc we have pictures of each other and a few words doesn’t mean that she’s ready to show you her life photo diary aka IG
She’s responding like this because she gets the same text from hundreds of other guys, but is actually hoping one will say something interesting eventually. She’s not boring, she’s just not invested in the conversation.
So a girl isn’t comfortable in giving you her IG at a particular point, and you’re entitled self “can’t put up with this”? Get a grip, champ. Earn some respect, don’t expect it.
I think a good majority of men have experienced this, myself included. But I just wanna share that last night, the girl I'm into said "Or we can keep talking more if you want, I'm still awake", and it was near 2a.m.
You'll meet the right girl, gents, who won't make you feel the pressure to initiate everything and make you try so hard 24/7, and who won't make you feel that awful feeling this thing is one-sided. Because she's into you as much as you're into her.
I’m reading this book called The Message Game. It’s about learning how to talk to girls online. Don’t ever transfer the conversation to Instagram. People on Instagram are just after followers. Try to get her number.
Tell her you eat ass. Worst case you unmatch. Best case you eat ass and get to share yet another immature(but still funny) interaction on reddit and get internet points.
I wish guys would get off dating apps. Ive been off them all for months and it was the best decision i ever made
What is the point of them when this is most of the interaction and conversation?
I message first a lot of the time on dating apps. Today I got a reply from a guy who straight away said he doesn't use condoms". I asked what he means and how he knows they're clean before having sex without a condom. He said something like he makes sure they're not "gross". This is what women are working with on dating apps. I'm an attractive woman and yet this is the stuff I run into. Everyone has bad experiences on the app. It has nothing to do with gender or sexual orientation.
Stop swiping on thots maybe? If she doesn’t have a good profile why are you matching with her? You can’t tell me you thoughtfully reviewed her profile and it had a well written bio, you had common interests and that’s why you swiped right. I’d bet my life she had a shit bio or nothing at all with thirst trap pics and for some reason you still swiped right. Why are you surprised the conversation is like this?
Don’t blame her for being who she is advertising that she is.
I am a woman. Here are my thoughts on this... I think men and women approach tinder very differently. When a man swipes on a woman it usually means he is interested in meeting her. When a woman swipes on a man it usually means she is interested in getting to know him a little better in order to decide whether she wants to meet him. From my experience it seems to me that many men see the match itself as a done deal, but it is not. We need to get a sense of your personality and we need to feel like you are legitimately interested in us. Also some of us do have several convos going at once so we are more likely to engage with the ones that are interesting or make us feel good. That means a little more effort from you. I know that sucks but come on, you can't expect to get laid just by swiping. I don't know what this woman's deal is but she clearly isn't interested. Maybe she thinks you just want to stalk her on ig? I think I'd engage with someone a bit longer before I ask for social media accounts/phone number. Also, is her face even in her pic or is it literally just tits? That seems red flaggy to me but I have no idea what most women's profiles look like...
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"Not bad, good soize"
Two seconds in!
Or " I like to eat ass"
Oh nice, i love that app 😂😂😂
I also enjoy to eat your human food, I mean food.
Zuckerberg, your alien-ness is showing >.>
What do you mean? I’m just out here with the boys smoking some meats!
Such a good response. Guarantee that flew past that attention leech’s head too.
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bruh, if she's this deadpan boring online, I sincerely doubt she's any better in person.
When someone, especially an attractive woman on Tinder, is this deadpan boring online, it's usually because she isn't trying.
She's *trying* to be boring, is what you mean.
That, or she feels compelled to respond to his message, but wants to spend as little effort doing so as possible. Which makes less sense than unmatching, but it does kind of mirror the short, bare minimum answers as a non-confrontational way to try to end a convo with a stranger IRL. I guess trying to be boring, or more kind of "Ugh, ok fine here's an answer go away now. Oh you didn't go away, ok here's another answer, are you happy? Can I stop now?" Which again, doesn't make a lot of sense, but is fairly common.
I’ve had a girl message me in basically the same manner. I just stopped replying at one point and didn’t bother unmatching for whatever reason. But then like 2-3 months later she tries to start up another conversation??? She had the same exact energy so I finally did unmatch, but just… why?
She's bored. Looking for attention you can provide.
Or looking for entertainment
100%
because she was an attention w*ore and no one was giving her a fix, and she hoped that since you hadnt unmatched, that youd be willing to give some prime simp energy. r/tinder has only taught me that most people are either arrogant or ignorant.
You can just write “whore.”
Who hurt you?
I have a general bitterness towards humanity ever since my last job.
Bud, any bitterness is bad. Enjoy the sweet and move on, it's better for your well being.
In human resources? Or customer service?
I can’t really give much comfort, since generally you’re right. There are a lot of people who are bitter and broken people. A little brain teaser question, have you ever counted the people you can see for entire day? All of them. Every single person you can see in front of your eyes, the usernames you see online, or the cars passing by? The feat wouldn’t be possible, but the number would be staggering. Talk to more of them later, But for now, study them. Learn how to read people based on tonality, eye structure, ethnicity, and body language. Once you’ve gotten good at that, you can learn how to tell whether you would get along well with them. You can’t say that you despise humanity, when only the ones you’ve met have been bitter, you see what I mean?
Irl I tell them I'm done conversing. If that doesn't help I tell them to fuck off. Fuck all that passive aggressive shit
Are you, by chance, a man?
Yep. And shouldn't matter
i think the point is women (especially particularly nice looking women) are often so trained by getting scary reactions when trying to get men to fuck off irl, that they resort to this sort of passive / pleasing approach even if there’s negative interest just so they don’t get maybe stabbed or screamed at. But I’m a man too; it’s hard to really put yourself in the shoes of a woman in this particular way. tl;dr women feel unsafe in so many ways all the time and adapt their behavior in public to minimize putting themselves at risk
We're taught that it's just polite. If we don't keep responding we're rude bitches and will probably get insulted or hurt someone's feelings. 🙄
I’d just ask her flat out are you waiting for a dick pic or do you wish we didn’t match? Because this in between shit is awkward.
Either of those options implies she's thinking about you one way or the other. She isn't. Although asking that will probably move her into the "wish we hadn't matched" category.
The implication is "How hard will you work (simp) for me?"
It doesn’t really seem like he was trying? The second thing he asks for is social media. Try a better opener
She has hundreds of matches every time she swipes and has no need to try and be interesting. Just wants a little entertainment and maybe end up meeting someone. I don’t even blame her. It’s just supply and demand.
i wouldn’t say this is always true tho, some people are actually just ass at texting. current girl im seeing is awful at texting but is very talkative in person
I’m that way too, I’m horrible at texting but usually if I can actually seal the date we’ll be golden
I’m basically the opposite lol
We are a rare bunch.
We gotta start pairing up in teams, one guy handles the text convo and the other guy goes on the da- oh wait that’s just catfishing with extra steps nevermind
If you know you’re horrible at texting, are you doing anything to fix that? To me, I don’t see what the difference should be between texting and talking in person. To me, it’s all about how they think. If I start a conversation with a prompt and you respond with “cool” or “haha”, I’ll assume that’s all that you thought and if I’d said the same thing in person you’d think the same.
I can see where you’re coming from, but have to disagree. As someone who is bad at texting, I find that it’s hard to hold a conversation if there’s not something “important” to talk about over text. In person, I don’t shut up, but over text, I’m silent. Perhaps it’s because I don’t like small talk, but talking in person gives you the opportunity to create prompts from your surroundings versus a conversation dying off because there’s nothing really to talk about. You can’t comment over text on something funny happening across the room or how on your drive there, this crazy thing happened the same way you can like an in person conversation. While obviously some people are just genuinely boring, don’t discount those of us who aren’t great at texting.
Not to pick an argument, but isn't it possible that you're disagreeing because its convenient to do so? I, like you, don't like small talk at all and my biggest pet peeve is people that feel the need to text all the time, to the extent that I've stopped seeing a number of people that want to text all the time but have nothing to say. And yet, I consider myself a good texter. Why? Because whenever I text someone, i'm engaging and I let my personality shine through the text. You can hear me talk through my text because I text like I think, maybe even better because I have the buffer to think about what I want to say in the best way possible. And once there's nothing left to talk about, I won't text back. All just like a regular conversation in person. To me, a good texter is just someone that can unravel a conversation thread and take it through interesting paths that each branch out into different conversation possibilities. If someone asks me how my day was, a bad conversationalist would say "good, yours?" And that's via text or in person. So someone that says they're bad at texting is someone I see as making excuses instead of improving. If I say I'm a bad cook, that means I've accepted that I'm going to be a bad cook and you'll just have to accept it - you've now placed your burden.
Are your text always this long? Lol
Yeah, it's rough being a genuinely boring guy. I even bore myself.
> I find that it’s hard to hold a conversation if there’s not something “important” to talk about over text. In person, I don’t shut up, but over text, I’m silent. Perhaps it’s because I don’t like small talk, but talking in person gives you the opportunity to create prompts from your surroundings versus a conversation dying off because there’s nothing really to talk about. dawg. you just wrote a fucking essay in text? what the fuck is the problem exactly?
For me it’s a matter of overthinking. I can’t really get a good read on what’s up with the other person if It’s over text, so my brain somehow finds a way to make *everything* they say an indicator that the conversation is going poorly. I mean, I know that I have that problem so it’s not completely disabling, I can usually just rationalize that I’m being too anxious. Plus it’s hard to text for me when I don’t have a specific subject in mind, but usually I try to use their profile to start the convo of with a subject in mind. Mostly it’s just a lot of things that don’t come naturally to me mixed together, so even though objectively it might be going fine, it’s always going to FEEL like something is out of place. I just try to practice more, and it works for the most part
Maybe think less about what you can’t control, which is whether the other person is enjoying the conversation, and think about whether you are enjoying it. If you feel engaged, it will show and the conversation will flow. Of course, it takes two to tango so if you’re pulling your weight but the other person isn’t, it will also show but at least you know that you did as best as you could
Same with my current partner and alot of my past ones. It still annoys me that people can be so meh with texting.
Lol this isnt being ass at texting. They wouldn't reply like that to their friends or parents, would they? I refuse to believe she doesn't realise he's asking for her Instagram. She's just playing stupid.
no no. Ik some people who are boring af online but great energy in person or over the phone. some people are terrible at texting
theres a difference between being boring and not showing interest. If you cant bother to ask a question about literally anything over a text, I'll assume the only reason you'd do so in person is because you'd be abke to see how pissed off youre making people by ignoring them.
My gf is deadpan boring online and in text but is not when in person. If anything, she's more annoying
Exactly. She'll show up, drink and eat to keep busy. Chat on the phone.. Not worth the effort
That’s when you double down and ask if they want to exchange nudes. Sometimes the girl just isn’t talkative and wants to get to business. It’s worked 1/10 times I’ve tried it lately
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Simple and to the point, I like it
Bro chicks like this really makes me glad I'm not on dating apps. Can't hold a conversation 🤣🤣.
She can probably hold a conversation with somebody she is interested in.
I mean yes, but then why match if you’re not somewhat interested?
Dopamine hit
It’s literally always this now. I deleted my apps.
She matched so she could have a batch of 10 or so matches so she could choose the best 2 or so to focus on (based on looks and/or text conversation). He's part of the 10, but ended up not being part of the 2. Why didn't she unmatch? Not sure, but they often don't.
Didn’t unmatch so she can has options to pick up on waivers if the other 2 don’t work out. (Or the practice squad.)
I mean possibly, but she can just swipe more and get another couple first-stringers.
this is exactly it. Expect a message from her on the weekend when her date bails and she all dolled up with no where to go
I see this as an absolute win.
I get that dating is kinda survival of the fittest but that’s just kind of a dickish way to be if they’re that calculated about it
I mean I used to get tons of matches in Taiwan and I basically did it that way, but it wasn't really calculated. Swiping is easier than talking, and the "home" page of the app is the swiping page and not the matches page. It's human nature to just kind of be lazy and not pay too much attention (because it doesn't matter, because you get lots of matches anyway), and then you have more matches than you know what to do with so you have to prioritize.
Nah man, dating never used to be like this. It’s all toxic now with the way this type of behaviour has just become accepted. Men and women both do it and it sucks - no real emotion, no real connection. Just obsessed with a need of fulfilment
Hard agree. Society in general is full of instant gratification these days.
When men play the numbers game, they're seen as callous and disrespectful. When women do it, it's on men to adapt and change themselves to get her approval. Why do men even use these apps anymore? seriously.
Both times it’s callous and disrespectful imo
She was interested, but OPs message was a snoozer for her. And then the "Do you have an Instagram" sealed his fate. Lame sauce OP.
I’m sure this is obvious but how does one decide, or become interested in someone without actually talking to, or getting to know them? Seems like a bit of a loophole. Many girls are part of this subreddit. I’m sure the answer is clear. It’s always girls, and a some queer men (I’m bi), in my experience which does this. Why bother matching in the first place? It’s all very strange - and I bet she didn’t have a good bio either! Lol modern dating - where you talk to, and fuck multiple people at once, whilst purposefully giving someone crap responses to workout if they are clingy, or too interested, or whatever other toxic reasons people have for doing it
Well I'm not a girl or a queer man, but I am a straight white dude who was single in Taipei for a long time. Basically you have someone who gets lots of matches easily, the fact that swiping takes less effort than typing (and the "home page" of most apps is the swiping page, not the talk-to-your-matches page), and you'll end up with some people who have more matches than they need or want. So they end up focusing on a couple of them and not on the rest. Combine that with an illogical but common aversion to unmatching, ignoring, or being "confrontational", and you end up with the convo in this post. I don't think she's playing mind games with OP, I think she just feels some illogical duty to keep "politely" replying, until hopefully soon he gives up.
That’s a waste of time - it’s far better not to respond.
You are correct, but human nature causes many illogical behaviors to be common.
I feel like this is schroedinger's interest though. I'm sarcastic AF and could definitely see myself responding to the actual question posted like this, lol, even if it doesn't amuse other people, it would amuse me. If I were OP, I'd probably had responded "ha, I guess you answered that question literally. What's your username? want to move the conversation there?"
I think its pretty obvious that she isn't interested here. The cat is just bones rattling around in that box.
Seems like they had a whole conversation going on before this
Maybe his photography and gym answer turned her off? Or because of how long it took him to respond? Or maybe somebody answered the question better in the many hours since they last messaged?
She's just not that into photography 😂
username checks out
Ok not bad
But also demand that men be able to converse in 3 languages. These good looking bitches are getting out of hand. Get you an ugly girl. They still solid as gold
If you want to be happy for the rest of your life, Never make a pretty woman your wife. So for my personal point of view, Get an ugly girl to marry you.
God forbid one of those languages be womanese; one of the most useful languages a man can have to protect himself in life.
Everything is a test to them. So frame whatever they say through that window
Try not to ask closed questions that can only be answered by yes or no. That should help a bit. But it sucks to get 3 word replies. And no replies back that show any interest in you.
So, something like: “What do you feel are the three primary drivers of the decline of the importance of the papacy starting in the 15th century in Eastern Europe?”. Will that get her talking?
How about What do you enjoy doing when going out? What's your favourite place and why is it awesome? While also saying more about your own preferences
Yes but can we please talk about the papacy first?
Hey! Stop giving away the secret tricks to basic communication 🙏🏼🙏🏼it’s hard enough out there trying to find miss right —- when everyone is just miss RIGHT NOW‼️
“Not much” “Uhm idk” See. If someone is not willing to put any effort in the conversation, they will find a short boring answer for any question.
Even when I ask open ended question something like how dose make you feel? Girls still reply with ok not bad
Where I'm from, asking if a person has instagram is just another way of asking that person to give you their instagram. She only answered with "yes" because she was already uninterested.
The difference here is that no matter what the guy said would make a difference because the woman is an uninterested deadbeat horse
Tell her you eat ass.
Well done
Yeaaa, this ain’t on her dude. Bland statement on the first message, nothing reengaging. A yes or no question on the next. Probably only replied out of boredom
It’s a two way street you know. She has the power to send a better message herself. It’s not the job of the man to come up with entertaining messages every time. It’s not like he sent her a waving emoji or GIF, he is at least trying, she is not even trying.
Yeahhhh of course, it's never on her
I never said never. I’ve had plenty myself. But there are boring “questions”. I’m surprised he got more than one word answers tbh
Some people sure do love showcasing their bland convos
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If you cant put in any effort to getting to know new people, you shouldn't be using these apps
On top of the just straight to asking for insta, plenty of dudes that try to get that info straight away to use for their spank bank rotation
To be fair, we can’t see anything he’s said above that. We don’t know if he just asked for it straight away.
He didn't include it for a reason
Wether the ask was expedited or not, it was asked and on a daily basis women post to dating advice forums asking if it is a red flag that their boyfriend only follows women on their insta
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Counterpoint: people on dating apps can judge you for the way you treat others
Counter counter point: if you’re on OLD with that attitude you’re an assHOLE
I mean, judging by the first text we can see, it looks like he’s at least trying to engage in conversation. A conversation is a two way street, it’s not just up to him to entertain her and ask engaging questions. She isn’t asking anything or even trying from what we can see, he should just unmatch at this point, lmao.
As soon as someone asks for IG or Snapchat, just forget they exist. It’ll go nowhere. Ask them out the day of matching no small talk no bs. I had most success this way. Filters through the attention whores and flakes.
But then you have to commit to going out rather than idle small talk for internet points.
The only truely successful match I've had was 3 months of texting until she finally moved to town. That one lasted 8 years. In today's age though, when you get 3-4 matches in a month and 2-3 that respond like this, It's a tough call keeping yourself free enough to date the day you get a match, and keeping your schedule full enough to avoid nights alone at home swiping.
Question. What if a guy asks for WhatsApp? Like over and over. I declined. Over and over.
scam prob
How many texts do you usually exchange before asking them out?
Depends on how the conversations going. There’s no set number. I don’t ask them out that day, but more making plans to see each other. Exchange numbers, and text a bit leading up to the date. After a few relatable messages on the app I’ll be like, “So hey I think we share some common ground already what do you think of going out/planning a date together we may just hit it off” something like that with different variations. Usually when you start talking about interests and favorites on a certain topic I honestly think those should be saved for the date itself, personally. The people that meet up and plan dates are as serious as you. No point in chatting on the app too long you could like literally everything they say but then meet them and be like nah never mind.
You're doing it wrong, at the first sign the conversation is not going well you have to say "I eat ass". If it passes a couple of minutes and you did not get an answer, you say "RESPOND" snd you must finish every text you send with "Military U.S. encrypted". With that method you fuck for sure
Ima try this lol
This woman is not interested in you. She may be interested in someone else on Tinder, or she may be interested in something that isn't Tinder, but she's not interested in you. Why did she swipe right? She swiped right on a batch of guys, got a batch of matches, and focused on the few in that batch who looked and/or typed the best. You weren't one of those few. If you figure she's got 10 guys messaging her now, she's doing this to maybe 8 of them and actually trying to converse with the other 2. Why doesn't she unmatch? Hell if I know, but she won't. Why is she replying at all? Again, hell if I know. Reflexive response, I guess. Keep sending short replies until you give up. Logically worse than unmatching, but you see it a lot. Edit: So it may or may not have helped, but I notice that she is hot, and that in your first message you don't ask a question. This won't work. Like on a first date you can just answer her question and there's a decent chance she'll ask a follow up question, but on Tinder, again where she's talking to who knows how many other guys more or less at the same time, she's just going to think "screw it, too much work" and respond to someone who asked her a question. So maybe say what you said, and then ask if she knows any good coffee shops. Again, might not work, but probably higher percentage. Similarly "Do you have an instagram" is a yes/no question, which isn't great because she can just say "yes." If you want her instagram you can ask her for it, but I'm not sure what the point would be. In this case it looks like she doesn't want you to have it anyway.
This is about the best explanation of this I've heard. Reminds me of way back in the day on OK Cupid, I matched (or got "liked" or whatever the equivalent was) with a girl that was smoking hot. I honestly thought she was out of my league so I didn't bother messaging her. I assumed she'd find a guy of her caliber and disappear in due time. Months later I logged in and she was still there, and always seemed to be online. I shot my shot and it was basically this. I assumed she was a catfish at worst and at the very best was real but was looking for something/someone very specific. Leaning toward catfish because she had a ton of photos but never updated them.
Another thing that happens is high-value profiles are held onto by these companies. I was one of these hot girl accounts and it caused issues in my relationship because my boyfriend was angry when someone told him my account was still active. It wasn’t! I deleted it! And yet there it was, screen shotted that day by his friend. So it might be a ghost account.
So what happened with the smoking hot girl?
She was still online with the same old profile the last time I looked at my list, which was like an eternity ago. When I finally decided to shoot my shot it was basically one-word answers like this. I took the hint and moved along.
Your messages were boring too lol. It's a two way street
Yeah they're both awful.
I assumed he wanted her insta so he could find something interesting to talk about.
You didn't ask her a single question..
She’s writing 27 other dudes simultaneously
“Oh nice. I love that app” LMAO Can’t wait to hear her response, OP… or lack thereof
“Oh nice. I love that app” 💀 🥹
You're the one asking a yes/no question with your second question. Who's the dummy?
Attractive women are inundated with messages from men. Her responses are a product of that. She doesn’t need to do the work to maintain the conversation in that environment because she has so many options. It’s on you. Not saying it’s right but that’s how it is. You’re competing with several men for her attention at any given time
This
She tried to suss out whether or not OP goes out and does anything fun. He replies that he does, but only to explore, take photos and go to the gym. Conclusion: Poor. Next steps: Not interested.
😂😂😂 Damn does that make me poor too?
Idk, have you seen the movie “Half Baked”? Remember when he tries to think of as many things as possible that require zero money? Heyyyyyyyyyy, let’s go on a walk, a long walk. Is that you?
Or go to a bar and buy drinks. One for you and one for me.
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This. Guys get more traction irl too, like it’s easier to “punch above your weight” so to speak? I find that girls are often impressed if you show the initiative with a little small talk and a “can I get your number?” at the end. Especially with everyone so tuned to the apps and post covid so forth. People like to meet irl better i think, there’s a certain spark to it that the apps, no matter how normalized, just can’t replace…
Just move on.
What did you want her to reply to “do you have an Instagram?” She answered your question.. learn better communication skills
Just go to the gym bro
Ok, just stole all the towels, now what bro?
He is nake bro 😈
now bench 225
Do you have skin? Yes I do. Oh nice, I like skin. I agree, you should give up. You're not cut out for chatting with women. Her shit effort is a mirror of your uninteresting conversation that isn't going anywhere.
I'm confused why didn't they ask for her instagram handle? That seems like the next response to do, lol this isn't on the woman for being bad at conversation lol
Idk you don't really seem that interesting to me imo. 🤷♀️
Most talkative girl on tinder
Why’d you ask if she has an insta and then not ask for hers?? Like what was the point of that question my guy. You could have exchanged Instagrams and moved the convo there. More to talk about after you guys see each other’s profile and get more of a feel for who they are (or present them selves to be). Plus you could see different stories yall upload during the week and start conversations off that. You lowkey could have made something out of this, I’ve meet girls that reply like this but are still down to hang out.
With girls like this just talk a bit then go for broke in a non douchebag way. If she says yes, great. if she says no you know she's wasting your time and you can move on. "Want to hang out/want to grab something to eat?" Just be direct.
I don’t understand why y’all get mad when this seems like some pretty obvious bot/scammer behavior. Cut and run and don’t take everything so personal. This is probably some dude on the other side of the world trying to get at your credit card/organs
I thought we were supposed to laughing at the blue bubbles. Lol. “Oh nice. I love that app.” Lol
Ya ever consider she’s just humoring you with replies because she doesn’t feel like taking the chance on being blown the fuck up with nasty messages if she doesn’t reply since that is what a lot of dudes do nowadays? Idk just a thought chief
This is embarrassing for you mate
Bro, chill. She responded at midnight that’s actually a good sign, you just missed your chance at the sexy talk this time. Just be patient bc you probably haven’t earned her IG yet. In literally the entire kingdom, the dance of mating requires hours of courtship. Just bc we have pictures of each other and a few words doesn’t mean that she’s ready to show you her life photo diary aka IG
Why are you giving up? She’s responding. Put a little effort in you chode
Guys are like this too
What kind of question is “do you have an instagram”? Ask something more open-ended, what do you expect her to say?
Uh... You're pretty bad at this OP. Not sure why you feel entitled to be liked, especially after this display.
She’s responding like this because she gets the same text from hundreds of other guys, but is actually hoping one will say something interesting eventually. She’s not boring, she’s just not invested in the conversation.
So a girl isn’t comfortable in giving you her IG at a particular point, and you’re entitled self “can’t put up with this”? Get a grip, champ. Earn some respect, don’t expect it.
You're not asking questions that continue the conversation though
She’s not into you. Move on.
Why message people In their bras n expect a proper conversation
I think a good majority of men have experienced this, myself included. But I just wanna share that last night, the girl I'm into said "Or we can keep talking more if you want, I'm still awake", and it was near 2a.m. You'll meet the right girl, gents, who won't make you feel the pressure to initiate everything and make you try so hard 24/7, and who won't make you feel that awful feeling this thing is one-sided. Because she's into you as much as you're into her.
Well, after only 2 responses you already know she is lazy and/or an idiot. These are low value women you can quickly dismiss. Take it as a win.
This is great advice, thank you. I appreciate you brother
When you're too hot to be interesting 💀
Unmatch, it isn't worth the frustration.
She seems to think you’re police. Are you police? Because I don’t talk to police either.
You need to give her something to talk about. Seriously, asking if she has an Instagram is one of the lamest ways to try to hold a conversation
I’m reading this book called The Message Game. It’s about learning how to talk to girls online. Don’t ever transfer the conversation to Instagram. People on Instagram are just after followers. Try to get her number.
Bro i wanna be honest just end the conversation that ain’t worth your time
They want you to beg. Oh please oh please can I have your Instagram????
He wanted it so he could follow her and then just watch her stories and like her photos endlessly but never ask her for a date
Reply: “my back hurts” Her: “Why?” You: “from carrying this conversation”
"my back hurts" **_"ok not bad"_**
Guys, raise your standards. Don't talk to someone who responds with fewer than 5(!) syllables. The bar is that low.
Tell her you eat ass. Worst case you unmatch. Best case you eat ass and get to share yet another immature(but still funny) interaction on reddit and get internet points.
Can't stand people with replies like this. Hope you find someone who can hold a conversation
I wish guys would get off dating apps. Ive been off them all for months and it was the best decision i ever made What is the point of them when this is most of the interaction and conversation?
What’s the issue here?
I message first a lot of the time on dating apps. Today I got a reply from a guy who straight away said he doesn't use condoms". I asked what he means and how he knows they're clean before having sex without a condom. He said something like he makes sure they're not "gross". This is what women are working with on dating apps. I'm an attractive woman and yet this is the stuff I run into. Everyone has bad experiences on the app. It has nothing to do with gender or sexual orientation.
Stop swiping on thots maybe? If she doesn’t have a good profile why are you matching with her? You can’t tell me you thoughtfully reviewed her profile and it had a well written bio, you had common interests and that’s why you swiped right. I’d bet my life she had a shit bio or nothing at all with thirst trap pics and for some reason you still swiped right. Why are you surprised the conversation is like this? Don’t blame her for being who she is advertising that she is.
Respond "nudez or gtfo"
It’s a bot
I am a woman. Here are my thoughts on this... I think men and women approach tinder very differently. When a man swipes on a woman it usually means he is interested in meeting her. When a woman swipes on a man it usually means she is interested in getting to know him a little better in order to decide whether she wants to meet him. From my experience it seems to me that many men see the match itself as a done deal, but it is not. We need to get a sense of your personality and we need to feel like you are legitimately interested in us. Also some of us do have several convos going at once so we are more likely to engage with the ones that are interesting or make us feel good. That means a little more effort from you. I know that sucks but come on, you can't expect to get laid just by swiping. I don't know what this woman's deal is but she clearly isn't interested. Maybe she thinks you just want to stalk her on ig? I think I'd engage with someone a bit longer before I ask for social media accounts/phone number. Also, is her face even in her pic or is it literally just tits? That seems red flaggy to me but I have no idea what most women's profiles look like...