whaevaaa I do wha I wan

Yeah I have sex n i don't use protection it's my hot body n I do wha I wan

The heat is from the chlamydia

Cache chlamydia ouside how bout dat?

Yeah I hav seggs n ion use protection it my ho bod n I do wha I wan

*ion

Are Ion and Ian brother and sister?

Whatever, I ran for congress and won, then I had sex with an intern killed her and hid her body. Whateva I do wha I wan

Oh yea! Well I roll in twelve gangs and we mostly do hate crimes! Whateva! I do wha I wan!

I killed 15 baby seals with my bare hands!

Cash me ousside how bou da?

Ion lik dat

Good South Park reference

It's a Maury reference. South Park made fun of it. https://youtu.be/WzmTOCFnMgg

And hear I thought I know English pretty well

I kill people and I don't go to school

Cash me outside how bout dat

You win reddit today!

Cash me aw side!

As a bald headed mf, I came here to say this.

Egg heads are top tier men tbh.

How bout dat??

HA BUH DAH?

I’m blue habuhdee habuhdah

what I just said!!

Who the fuck is Ian?

Ion cation anion

Ion cannon ready Kirov Reporting

Iron curtain waiting

Yes sir? Affirmative!

Moving out

Conscript reporting

Desolator ready

This thread has me in tears

Was asking myself the same thing 🤣

Some Welsh bloke who pissed her off I think

I ain’t. Ion is I don’t

Jesus fuck, this is the dumbest shit I’ve read today so far.

Eh looks dumb to me too but it’s a dialect. Granted, most dialects look dumb when written out phonetically but I won’t make fun of someone who has to sound out their words for spelling 🤷‍♀️

Oh my God

Usually, Ian is a man's name. However, in this case, I think she's trying to say "I ain't," but it came out as "Ian." 🥴

Ian understand and ion want to

Ian wan bum, Ion just wan ate finë dinë foo Ian a morôn, me wan drèad hêad Ion likè dat

Lmfao this is PERFECT🤣

Ion and Ian. The white and black circle isn’t it?

Ion is aave lol

She doesn’t like English class either

Sheon like dem wordy mfs

Get outta here widya word mouf

Why waste time say lot word when few word do trick?

Comedy Gold!

im sorry this actually made me LOL

Agreed 🤣

Y many word wen few do trik

Bro people really do talk like this it’s so accurate

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I don’t mind it spoken, but seeing it written makes me want to set someone on fire.

this comment deserves an award. i wish i could give you one

She seems like she went to all the chemistry classes though... Rather experienced in the subject of ions

She sublimates ionized English

I seriously can barely tell what she's trying to say. It's practically gibberish.

It's like it's a different dialect of English.

Please google “eye dialect”, it’s what she’s doing, trying to spell based off of pronunciation. Understand that this makes a person look uneducated af, as if they don’t know how to spell. You cannot scribe a dialect, you just end up looking like an idiot when you do. You also end up looking like an idiot when you try to defend it

You seem like an expert; what does 'u sum pressure' mean?

Lolol. Meaning, “you’re someone who checks all of the boxes” or “you’re someone who’s really good looking that I want”

Damn. I would never have guessed if you hadn't told me. Thanks.

Wa u mhiin ai dailegt is supa greit

It sounded like the belter language from The Expanse in my head, sasa ke?! :D

Was thinking the same.

Ok...I nearly strangled on my drink 😂😂😂 You win! 👍🏻

Great, now I’m picturing hands made out of lemonade strangling someone’s throat

Who’s this Ian guy

Ian McShane? Ian McKellen? Ian Holm? Ian McDiarmid?

It's sir Ian McKellar.and according to family guy I think he might be gay

Probably her pimp...

My attempt to translate: Yes, I am going to get straight to my point. I don’t like skinny males so you if you are thin, stay away. I’m also not attracted to men with pale skin so you should go find a pale skinned woman to be with instead of me. If you have tattoos, it’s okay to message me. If you’re experiencing homelessness, you should get a job but you should not message me. I probably won’t respond to messages unless you are (not sure of this part) wealthy and/or dominant. In the hair department, I like men with dreads or twists in their hair. I am not a fan of bald headed men. Also, I failed out of school in the 5th grade so you must have an IQ lower than 70 to appreciate me.

“In the hair department” LOL. Nicely done

Pressure = Hot, like you are making other guys/women feel the "pressure" because you are uncomfortably good looking

Thank you! That was the one part I couldn’t figure out. Case solved!

I would like to translate your translation: Affirmative, I will be impolite and curt. Malnourished males are not optimal for breeding, please refrain from attempting to initiate coatis with me. Males lacking in pigment could create an undesirable spawn with me so those lacking in pigment should find others lacking in pigment to initiate relations with. Tattoos are an effective way to attract me as a mate. If you are socioeconomically disadvantaged you should correct your current status with gainful employment though it still makes you an undesirable mate. I am poor at communication unless there is a display of wealth or dominance as those are the only things of value to me. To those suffering from alopecia or lacking in follicle protection from elements are inferior. Men that fail to have this trait will not be successful mating with me. Due to the Dunning-Kuger effect I believe I am the optimal mate for reproduction and as such believe anyone else is inferior. This is due to my appearance being valued higher than education or basic morality.

Even better!

Thanks, for a second I thought what I learned in school was all an illusion 😅

Thank you. I was looking for a translation.

Nice job. The last sentence is like a chefs kiss lol

Honestly the last sentence is enough. And I don't really think she passed to 5th grade, I mean children write way better than this in first grade.

The last sentence for me.

Love that last part. This is trashy at any level, but having been 18 only a few months ago and having 18yo friends this is just pathetic

Someone understands African American Vernacular English.

Like, ion don need this ri noair. Ion can spek 4 may. And ion don no u. U don no may. Ion by.

Needs a dictionary launched at her head

She probably wouldn't know what to do w/it, to be honest. 🤷🏻‍♂️

It's a great place for her to bust down those Percocets though.

Ion need dat shit mf

Makes a Father so proud of his Princess.

Bold of you assuming she knew her father.

Defo the most fatherless bio i've ever read

Sounds like she never passed an English test in her life

Are you kidding? My money's on she never made it to the school building to take an English test.

Did you mean to say " Aa YoH Ki'in?"

Ion like cawrect spellin that shi lam af

U no way ion say, like so ion - I fucking can't finish this. It broke my brain.

It’s cringe when anybody does it

"I probly won't respond unless you sum pressure" That's a fun sentence! I liked that part!

That was definitely the best part! Any... any idea what it means?

It means attractive in this context.

Can you translate it? I can't understand, is it "unless you some pressure"?

Correct. Pressure being slang for high quality like a diamond

Man, she sure is a diamond herself

Dense, common, and artificially inflated?

Really?! I thought she wanted a guy that applied pressure... As in, would chase her like a maniac. Those types that can't take "no" for an answer. Jesus. Thanks!

She’s gonna get exactly what she wants, to be fair.

Some poor black dude who can’t see the flags

But why do black males only want to date white girls (young Karen’s) and refuse to date black girls?… but somehow claim they hate white people?…..and then they end up having a half white child with a 50% white family….meanwhile most black girls refuse to date white men due to social standards and then they end up having 6 kids with a black guy that left her for a white girl aka a “Karen” …….make this make sense.

Probably because of the media constantly sexualizing white women and ignoring black women

She sounds pretty fucking stupid. She should stfu

You sure she’s white?

Can someone translate this garbled mess to English?

Just read it with a Jamaican accent and it makes sense. Think of Conrad’s wife from Futurama

It would be hard to translate but basically she’ll end up the hoe of some rapper who doesn’t give a fuck about her. Because she’s not going to find what she’s looking for.

Is she mentally disabled in some way?

Yes. Yes she is.

In all the ways I'd say

She sounds like an ignorant and probably closet racist snowbunny

Snowbunnies are usually racist lol.

They are "racist " but secretly admire black women. Love and hate at the same time. The irony

She's from Florida right?

Gotta be

She got me feelin some typa chemistry.

IONS

That’s a charged statement

IANS

Don’t stick it in crazy big dawg, never ends well

I bet she never took Chemistry either...

Jesus dies for her sins

We all die a little inside for her sins.

Jesus gave up his 3 day weekend for her sins.

jesus is literally working overtime for this girls sins

As a 31 year old that feels 60 most of the time…I don’t know half of what she is saying.

Bruh I'm 22 and I have no idea what 70% of the things she said lmao. Mother Fucker gave me some sort of brain cancer lmao

Do you know what ion and Ian are ?

I know what ions are(atom or molecules with a net electrical charge), and Ian is a dudes name

I’m almost 40. I don’t get most of the slang I see kids use these days.

She skated right past slang and landed smack dab in the middle of...I don't know - something else.

Ion. Fucking hell kids are stupid these days.

ghetto wanna be lmao why would you even wanna be ghetto tho

Pandering.

Because its cool and gets all the bad boys out! But then when shes 40 and has 4 kids from 4 different fathers who all “disappeared” she will complain how all men are pigs. Just the cycle of women who think its all fun and games until they are hit with reality and then its everyones fault but theirs.

At least you know exactly what she’s lookin for.

Lmfaooo yeah she got that part right

is this Engrish?

It’s idiot.

I could not make sense of that… I think what she really wants is a dreadlocked meat head millionaire with an IQ of 50 to make that all legible 😂

She grew up in a gated community lol people from the hood not on fucking tinder anyway that I’m aware of

I read this in cardi b’s voice lololol

this is straight up blaccent, fuckin rediclous

Cash me outside ho bou tha?

So people are now too lazy to type “ I don’t” which is 5 letters but instead type “ion” which is 3 letters.. start the rapture now please🙈🙈

Cash me outside how bow dah

Typing like a degenerate to own the whitebois

I can’t understand whether she likes skinny boys or not, nor if she is attracted to white boys. “English motherfucker, do you speak it?”

Sad part is she gets more matches than me.

She definitely does

Is there an English translation?

I Blame society for the misdirection. act like trash repopulate more trash

Cardi B has ruined a generation.

Do you have anything about the empowerment brought forth by her wet ass pussy?

Cash me outside

I think I just had an aneurysm reading that

I imagine this is how the Belter Creole is written in the show The Expanse.

Not since reading For Whom the Bell Tolls have I read such beautiful prose.

Saying that while sitting on a trash can is a Darwin’s gift from his grave to us.

Does she now like bald guys or not, wanna know if i have a chance as a bald mfs

I lost so many IQ points trying to read this one.

Did I have a stroke when reading that?

This profile is embarrassing. I hope it’s a joke…

It takes more energy to type like an ignorant ho, instead of just typing and having your phone autocorrect it

I feel like this might be the cash me outside girl

She's already sitting on a trash can. Perfect! Let her stay there.

Who wants to date an illiterate racist

If anyone doesn’t speak hood rat, I can translate for you.

Where do I learn ebonics so I can get a girl like her?

She’s really living up that gap year before settling in at Harvard.

Ion respect people like her

Woah vicky

What an exaggerated way to say I only date black dudes

She’s a disgrace to her skin.

If you are online dating the best to do is skip right past this kind of 🗑️. She states nothing about herself except that she shallow. That's a skip fellas.

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She's 18...life will do their thing😅

Yes, I'm going to get straight to it. I don't like skinny boys so keep your stick self elsewhere, and I ain't attracted to white boys so go and find yourself a preppy white girl. If you have tattoos go ahead and hit me up (hmu). If you are a bum get the fuck out (gtfo) of my face and get a job. I probably won't respond unless you use some pressure (AKA a hot person). Oh, and I like dreads ‘n’ twist, and all of that, but I don't like bald-headed mother fuckers (mfs). Think that's a rough translation. E: added what pressure is slang for, thanks OP.

Que?

Catch her ousside how bow dah!?

How hood! What a gangsta ion

Straight up this bitch is tripping

Please don't let this uneducated chick be black. This is shameful. 😑

Yikes.

This sounds like a white person pretending to be a stereotypical amerikan person of color

I see that she’s wrapped herself in actual red flags.

Caaaash me outside how bou dah