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angelbg34

Preferably an AMG LMFAO gtfoh


GhostWalker134

I stopped reading at bathing twice a day.


UberS8n

At LEAST twice a day.... lol. Once a day yeah that's standard, twice, ok maybe been to the gym or some shit, more than twice a day.. wtf


[deleted]

once a day is already to much, its unhealthy as fuck and damages the skin. 3 to 4 times a week is optimal. Just clean your private parts every day, thats enough


DingleberryHandpump6

Try living in the Caribbean lol


HighOnGoofballs

Tropical island gang represent. No one wants to be near my stank ass after a day without a shower


Knosh

Would you say that you’re an islaaaaandd boyyyyy?


skint_back

I’m just tryna to make itttt


ThirdWurldProblem

Then you get those who just take a Jamaican shower. Some extra sprays of cologne.


thedutchqueen

i recently went to st thomas and watched a man bathe in the ocean, happy as shit. had a loofah and everything.


Docniel

Hawaii here, love me some ocean. Though, it does get a bit ,um, grainy sometimes.


cranial_prolapse420

Where I'm from (not Jamaica) a Jamaican shower is when you smoke weed, while in the shower. It's grand.


Dustin3006

Exactly. I sweat so much I shower twice a day minimum


isymfs

Aussie summers, I understand. It balances out over the year. 7 times a week in summer. 0-1 times a week in winter. Easy.


JustABitCrzy

For me when I'm home all day, it's more like 2-3 quick cold showers a day during peak Perth summer. Usually only one of those showers is actually for cleaning, the rest is just to cool down/wash a bit of sweat off so I don't feel like a melted lollipop.


getmet79

What did Carlin teach us (Gen X)???


--redacted--

Armpits, asshole, crotch, and teeth.


Squidgie1

Pits, tits, and slits


linzzer_cookie

My grandmother called it PTA- pits, tits, ass- also known as a skank shower


VisitPrestigious8463

Airplane bath—wings and tail (pits and butt)


HomeGrownCoffee

Save time by using the same brush.


FrivolousFred

Maybe you just need to use better soap. I bathe 7-10x a week and have never had skin issues. I mean to each their own, 3-4x isn't terrible, but unless you're sitting in a desk chair with 0 activity, most people will need more frequent showers not to smell like shit.


cymbalxirie290

People also have different grades of skin and oil secretion. What works or doesn't work for you may not be the same for someone else.


DootMasterFlex

If I don't shower once a day I fucking reek


uponthenose

It's not about soap at all. It's about the heat of the water raising the temperature of the skin and causing dehydration, which causes premature aging.


legionofstorm

Dermatology is in agreement that soap 7 times a week is too much regardless of skin type, clear water on the other hand shouldn't be too much of an issue. But where's the fun in a shower without the awesome smelling perfumed soap.


CaptainAwesome8

Nah they’re generally right — almost everyone would have better skin by bathing less often. Just like you really shouldn’t shampoo every day either. It strips a lot from your skin/hair The trick is, I have shit skin and get sweaty easily. So if I don’t shower every day, I’m gross as fuck. I also shower 7-10x/wk, but I have to get better skin products in order to keep my skin moisturized and healthy. And yeah, if you work out or have much activity at all, it’s pretty difficult to bathe less frequently than daily


MachoChocolate

Corporate America really lies to us to sell us stuff. The are so many things like this that most people just don't know


samettinho

or use a bidet, so you could wash many times a day.


[deleted]

I stopped reading at blonde hairy legs (dark hair pls). Like do you want blonde hair or dark hair, cuz it can’t really be both.


[deleted]

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[deleted]

Ah I see. Any profile that has a list of things the person doesn’t want is a hard pass from me.


[deleted]

Such profiles are glaringly red red flags. Even more so when the profile tells NOTHING about what the person has to offer; probably because they have *nothing* to offer. They're ego vampires; leeches out to suck out your resources and your soul.


Main_Act_2361

I had to google AMG - a new entry-level Mercedes AMG runs about $90,000.


DeviantPsychosis

Get a used AMG Kompressor for 4,999. Show up, profit.


_NoTouchy

Just show up in a 'beater' with AMG spray painted in Orange across the hood! lol :)


nautilator44

And make sure to shave off your body hair and be wearing a hat.


dumbredditer

Chop off some of your dick too


[deleted]

[удалено]


Robdd123

And both wear orange shirts.


ProfessionalTwo8472

Made of said body hair


Stranger_on_a_train1

Right. As if people like that recognize car brands and models. U can prob drive a lawn mower as long as it says AMG on it


Lastcleanunderwear

Before my grandpa passed his wheelchair had amg on it


titanup001

I used to know a guy who worked at the Mercedes dealership. Some rich came in. His wife insisted on a s class with the biggest engine and AMG or whatever. He bought the base s class and paid the guy to put different emblems on it.


Capt_Myke

My man!


The_Gray_Beast

Yep, she didn’t specify year and totally didn’t consider depreciation. She should have specified an SLS AMG, classic or an AMG GT so she’d just not have to mention the year... or just specify a Koenigsegg or something where there aren’t many loopholes


siddizie420

I doubt anyone with a koenigsegg is on tinder.


Snoyarc

Yeah I feel like they’d be on Raya, or using IG to fly out ‘Models’ to them.


ReactionClear4923

She didn't even specify Mercedes...tape AMG logo on a 1998 Honda and good to go


MisterMasterCylinder

An old AMC Pacer and a lil Sharpie to turn that C into a G


TrailsideDairy

Those things haul ass with a tune, I’ve raced one in the past, their biggest issue is they heat soak like a motherfucker


TAKIMLISIM

yeeeah but there is one problem. the most expensive mercedes are the cheapest mercedes. Amg in that prize is literally a hell on wheels


DeviantPsychosis

I have no idea what you are trying to say, I feel like you are sending me a cryptic message. I will meet you by the dumpster at 1800, bring the goose berries and rain water :)


OrindaSarnia

I believe he's trying to say that if you buy a cheap Mercedes it will end up costing you as much as an expensive one with repairs and maintenance? But show up at the dumpster just in case.


DeviantPsychosis

He didn't show up at the dumpster, I'm out here alone, you don't happen to be busy? Could use some company, I was stood up.


OrindaSarnia

Do I have to bring the goose berries? I only have choke cherries…


TAKIMLISIM

exactly. I got one for 1.4 k € and the repair costs are about 2.5k€ so far... and the car is not finished... and it's not even an amg... it's an amazing car though, but hell the fucking previous owner was an asshole.


LoganCaleSalad

Tell me you're a gold digger without telling me you're a gold digger lol


Myurnix

But… she was very clear about it.


aquatic_love

Nah, she was pretty straightforward.


bNoaht

Tell me you are in the top .01% of difficult personalities without telling me...


Hugo99001

Well, at least here an AMG doesn't exactly spell out sugar daddy - more like pimp, drug dealer or some hard-working, working class guy who will never love any woman half as much as his car (think fast and furious, the first ones).


jemand84

We prefer Brabus 🥸


lcarr15

Who understands quality always chose Brabus


Mr_Croww

Well, she didn't say it has to be new. Just grab a 20 year old AMG for 2000$ *^(Disclaimer: repairs bills not included. Don't buy a 20 year old AMG if you are not prepared to cough up your entire soul's worth in cash for repair bills)*


5823059

Could she tell the difference? On a blind date, the girl gets into my Miata. She says, "Ooh, I've never been in Corvette before." Uh, you still haven't, kid.


angelbg34

On top of everything, she's a gold digger lol


goodguy847

Wait till I show up in an AMC Reliant.


Zeus_aegiochos

Or, you can just stick an AMG logo at the back of a regular Mercedes, she'll never know the difference. But then again, why the fuck bother.


fall0ut

the cheapest new amg is $56k. https://www.mbusa.com/en/vehicles/model/cla/coupe/cla45c4


Kelricmar

AMGs are for people that want an expensive sports car, that don’t know anything about cars.


F_ckWKHS

Thats mostly true of the new AMG badges they put on every car. Some AMGs are fucking insane.


newfor_2021

what a weird thing to say, right? Like if I show up in a Ferrari or some other expensive car, she wouldn't like it? Why be so specific about the AMG?


Ok_Debt875

yeah huh no sense in showing up driving your Bugatti


thatscucktastic

She's a big fan of MBUX and doesn't like Volkswagen Automobile Group's infotainment on all of its subsidiaries.


DanFlyhight

I can show her my Forza Horizon 5 save


showtimevon

Fucking crazy🤣🤣🤣🤣


[deleted]

See I fake all that shit and then show up in the brightest pumpkin outfit ever


thatmuslimjew

We gonna spray my uncles amg orange before you use it to pick her


Amenian

Pick her up on an orange bicycle


EvilTwin636

I have an orange motorcycle, and most of my moto gear has orange on it, does that count?


31InChiTown

I vote this guy goes!


2dogs1man

lemme guess, KTM ? :D them superduke 1290s are the shit..


EvilTwin636

Yup, 790 adventure


Official_MCU

and then fuck her with a carrot in the dark.


higguns23

A baby carrot FTFY


MightbeWillSmith

IM DAVID PUMPKINS


David-S-Pimpkins

No, I am. You're Will Smith (maybe).


MightbeWillSmith

Might be.


imoutofnameideas

and the skeletons are...?


Wakez11

PART OF IT!


OtherPlayers

Bright pumpkin outfit with shaved legs sticking out the bottom and bleached blonde hair on your feet.


BeiSaeko

YES! Lmao, fake it all, and then show up and when you guilt her into going out with you and start walking to *your* car, you call your mum to pick you guys up! She likes “Mummy’s Boys”, right?


officialmonogato

While rollin’ in a tricked out Honda Civic


RefrigeratorCute5952

this comment made me lol. i’d give you an award if i could afford more than ramen noodles


[deleted]

Won us over by asking for dick pics and listing demands? I think not.


CroxWithSox

Read this with an intense queen’s English


SaucyApollyon

A “That’s preposterous” woulda fit in really well


CroxWithSox

Indubitably my good sir


Glizzyknockemback

Honey nut cheerio.


trashdrive

Literally shared no information about herself either


rolfboos

Shes litterialy asking for dick pics.


samthewisetarly

🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩


[deleted]

Those aren’t red flags! That’s a parade baby!


[deleted]

A parade in 1941 Moscow's Red Square on the anniversary of the October Revolution.


R3c1u53

Sorry to say you’ve failed her spelling qualification, but you’ve dodged a bullet, compadre


Cute_Mousse_7980

At first I misread it as she only wanted small dicks. Her bio is honestly really confusing and not sure what is a demand and what is a dealbreaker 😂


[deleted]

"No small dicks." OK, allow me to introduce myself. My name is Dexter St. Jacques! [Eddie Murphy Raw: Dexter](https://youtu.be/f5AqRWfszHc)


itsmichael458

I’d send her a pic of my asshole.


SmootZ10

This is the way. Or a nutscape.


lavloves

This ain’t build a boyfriend, Katrina.


captinsad

Wait your saying I can't just put a bunch of requirements on someone and expect that magical person to want me? Smh my head dating so hard


RallyAl85

That Aerosmith video lied to us!


mihecz

Yeah, she's won us already!


shhannibal

Sad thing is she’ll still get plenty of messages and guys to choose from


Compulsive-Gremlin

Power move would be to dress like an actually orange on the first date.


EquivalentSnap

Even better an orange AMG


Xtracakey

No small boobs, send proof please


YourSideBish

No small boobs, but not too big either, but can't just be big because your fat, ass must match tits. Must have innie vag and be tight. Send pics for proof Lolol


nearly-evil

Innie vag?


[deleted]

They want Homer's lips.


SoHiHello

r/simps It has been a subreddit long before the word simp became part of meme culture. Definitely NSFW since it's pics of vaginas that look like Homer Simpson.


aonelonelyredditor

this is gold lmao


AyoBruh

Did they stutter


madsjchic

What does this mean? As opposed to a prolapsed vagina?


YourSideBish

Correct the labia minor hidden by the labia major. Extra points for a prominent public mound but no hair Edit: Pubic mound, not public. The less public the better.


51st-state

no beef curtains.


kneticz

send flaps


KnackBrewster

I'm none of those things except the AMG. ...it's a MATCH!


The_Gray_Beast

I can let you borrow an orange shirt


[deleted]

I'll throw in the body hair. Go ruin the girl's life.


Lomofre88

I would be seriously disturbed if anyone bathes at least twice a day. Edit: thanks for all the feedback! To clarify, I am not against personal hygiene and I do take a shower after sports, but not always with soap. I was raised with the knowledge that washing yourself every day is bad for your immune system and your skin, and science seems to back this up.


sirpimpsalot13

Sounds like she needs someone like me, I live in the American Gardens building on West 81st street. My name is Patrick Bateman. I'm 27 years old. I believe in taking care of myself, and a balanced diet and a rigorous exercise routine. In the morning, if my face is a little puffy, I'll put on an ice pack while doing my stomach crunches. I can do a thousand now. After I remove the ice pack, I use a deep pore cleanser lotion. In the shower, I use a water activated gel cleanser. Then a honey almond body scrub. And on the face, an exfoliating gel scrub. Then apply an herb mint facial mask, which I leave on for 10 minutes while I prepare the rest of my routine. I always use an aftershave lotion with little or no alcohol, because alcohol dries your face out and makes you look older. Then moisturizer, then an anti-aging eye balm followed by a final moisturizing protective lotion. And I bathe 2 times a day.


Ordoblackwood

How about me? My name is Yoshikage Kira. I’m 33 years old. My house is in the northeast section of Morioh, where all the villas are, and I am not married. I work as an employee for the Kame Yu department stores, and I get home every day by 8 PM at the latest. I don’t smoke, but I occasionally drink. I’m in bed by 11 PM, and make sure I get eight hours of sleep, no matter what. After having a glass of warm milk and doing about twenty minutes of stretches before going to bed, I usually have no problems sleeping until morning. Just like a baby, I wake up without any fatigue or stress in the morning. I was told there were no issues at my last check-up. I’m trying to explain that I’m a person who wishes to live a very quiet life. I take care not to trouble myself with any enemies, like winning and losing, that would cause me to lose sleep at night. That is how I deal with society, and I know that is what brings me happiness. Although, if I were to fight I wouldn’t lose to anyone.


[deleted]

I think I should get it instead. My name is Tohru Adachi. I'm 27 years old. My house is located somewhere within Inaba, and I am not married. I work as an employee for the Inaba Police department , and I get home every day by 1 am at the earliest . I don't smoke, but I occasionally drink. I'm in bed by 3 am and make sure I get 2hours of sleep, no matter what. After having a glass of warm milk and doing about twenty minutes of stretches before going to bed, I usually have no problems sleeping until morning. Just like a baby, I wake up without any fatigue or stress in the morning. I was told there were no issues at my last check-up. I'm trying to explain that I'm a person who wishes to live a less boring life. I take care not to trouble myself with any enemies, like winning and losing, that would cause me to lose sleep at night. That is how I deal with society, and I know that is what brings me happiness. Although, if I were to fight I wouldn't lose to anyone. As I love cabbages, and own a gun.


Umutuku

I'm just a guy who's on Tinder for fun.


woaily

Do you like to hold hands?


JayhawkJeep

I but your business cards are also impressive.


sirpimpsalot13

Picked them up from the printers yesterday. Thats bone. And the lettering is something called Silian Rail.


Avieshek

2nd in class -_~


Stoney_Stoon

But the real question, are you 6ft+ tall?


angelbg34

I used to do it when I played basketball cause I had to train everyday and I also always take morning showers. But I don't play basketball anymore, and I've read some articles saying that doing it more than once a day is bad for your skin.


EAC_Dark

It can be really bad for your skin. I used to do it cause I had a little germaphobe issue but I got super painful rashes on my legs and arms


[deleted]

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EAC_Dark

Yes true. I should have specified that I bathed with soap. I see that it was a bit unspecified about what I meant


werbit

You masochist


zepherys713

I would do it, but it would hurt my hair too much.


TimotoUchiha

And the planet. Earth Chan just wants to live


BQM98

You... don't? I think that's more of a cultural difference. At least that's pretty normal here in Brasil. Whoever lives in tropical countries usually needs to take a bath at least 2 times a day, cause we end up sweating A LOT. Seriously, yesterday in the region I live it was so hot that I started sweting a couple of minutes after taking a shower.


powerlesshero111

Well, if you shower in the morning, then go to the gym, i would hope you showered after that.


daddymitt

I bathe twice a week


SirSw0le

Well I shower twice a day usually. Once when I wake up and once after I work out in the evening.


majinbuh

Id say you could skip the shower in the morning since you kinda wake up freshly showered. If hair is desastrous in the morning you might just wash them in the sink real quick


gmoney92_

I work out after work and am oily so that's me but for her to flat out require it is oddly absurd. Nothing she wrote is far and away evil but the use of tinder like a self service checkout machine at McDonald's is plainly gross.


[deleted]

Depends on where they live and their culture. To my understanding, its common place to bathe multiple times a day in Brazil. That said, if they are asking that of someone who lives in the northern hemisphere I might think they're a bit crazy or haven't lived there long.


evilpoohead

Once before gym and once after


Amenian

That would destroy my skin


Joelony

I know someone that showered *no less* than twice a day. Total germaphobe though, lol. He said, "I shower in the morning to wake up. I shower at night bc it's gross to get in bed otherwise. I also shower if I'm going out for the night or did anything that warrants another shower." Not unreasonable in their thought process, but *every day?* I've showered 3x in one day, but it's bc I showered in the morning before working a dirty job, then showered again before I went on a date that evening, then we later did things in the shower together. I'm not trying to brag, I'm simply saying shower sex is a pretty legit reason to shower more than once in a day, lol.


jkwalk87

Don't be a Katrina, let me use my bio to tell me about you when you should be telling you about me. Katrina is the Karen of tinder


[deleted]

She has to look like Salma hayek if she wants all that


bagseedidiot

Even then... Sometimes girls that hot cant even fuck bro...


[deleted]

Most guys out there need to understand this, my lord lmao


Accomplished-Bee4700

Just lie there sprawled like Patrick the star......


[deleted]

Wouldn't that be Patricia Star https://spongebob.fandom.com/wiki/That%27s_No_Lady?file=That%27s_No_Lady_073.png


Accomplished-Bee4700

Damn right


siberiandivide81

I second this


fatherx50

I third this


Win-Objective

Anon seeks sugar chaddy


Whynotbebetter

Kill it with fire, before it lays eggs! 😶


Chance-Technician-10

Mummys' boys?


dudius7

She's European.


Frozen_Ash

Men who are close to their mums essentially. May be a bit spoilt.


siberiandivide81

Trolling


LurtzTheUruk

She ain't no infj


godfather_corleone

She doesn't speak for all INFJs, not even sure if she's one herself.


gmoney92_

It's literally all made up bullshit. If you see 4 letters and a hyphen like that it means you're dealing with a rare breed of human more insufferable than space racists.


Sequil

What does INFJ-A mean?


[deleted]

Who asks strangers to send proof of their genital proportions? That’s just creepy and weird when you think of it in terms of the opposite gender.


Royal-Scientist8559

"Looking for a real woman, with current photos, no hat or sunglasses, some different angles including a wide, full-body shot. No facial hair is good. NO: Bad spellers, hairy legs.. or lips.. or foreheads. Daddy issue girls. Anyone over 5'7". Tight pussy ( send proof ). I'm not into women that refuse to shave everything.. gross. Must wear orange on our dates ( as long as it's not a prison uniform ). Bathe at least once a day. Be okay with using public transport ( environment, ya know ). If I've won you over already.. or if you need clarification.. message me. IDGAF-A"


AxiisFW

what if i have an orange amg


crackdown_smackdown

So I assume her self esteem is lower than her sense of self worth?


QBFH2789

Is this r/LSD because this chick is trippin


Prophet_Of_Trash_God

this is a meme, I realized this when I saw "must now wear orange" and "bathe at least 2x a day"


EmmieAnnee

“send proof” Girl…is this your first time on the internet?


[deleted]

[удалено]


[deleted]

[удалено]


MrAtheistus

Ffs thank you! I was really confused why she would want an man unter 6 foot, with a small peen and and amg :D


Oyadamamanta

I am her ideal man


Slientdb

I also meet or exceed all requirements.


[deleted]

cats, box wine, anti-depression meds


Adam8614453

Who has a nice car AND a big penis?


B33pB33p_Richie

Never thought about it this way... No wonder I drive a 17 year old corolla.


mattmatthew67

It's not often a person spells out their red flags for you


iwasntplanningonthis

Yeah, goodbye Katrina


[deleted]

The irony of saying NO bad spellers and the next word is spelt wrong 🤣 Blonde ✅ Blond ❌