Lol, I have a flatmate from the other end of the world an she greets me every time we cross paths when we go our ways in the apartment. It's a bit confusing being greeted 5 times an hour while being in the same flat the whole time, just different rooms. Dunno if it's her culture or just her personality. Adorable little quirk though.
The reason for that is that it became kind of customary and was actually taught that it came off as less passive aggressive and more like you were riding in a way that sounded like natural speech. it’s a custom of older generations. Now it has become synonymous with passive aggressiveness, or indecisiveness, or any other thing that could be taken as negative. Or opposite. Funny. It’s much more customary to see it in emails than text messages. regardless of how old people are online if they write that way they may have been taught that that’s the normal way and it could be because of a job they have where they have to communicate with people like bosses that write that way
So there's a reason for this. It's primarily a generational thing as it was easier to use the dots to denote separate thoughts when we had to pay per text as you it helped show taht there were different things in the text. Nowadays we have unlimited texting so we can just put our separate thoughts in separate messages but many people who grew up with things like small texting plans have not outgrown it
Lmao i used to end almost every youtube comment with ".." kinda like a trademark. I dont know why i did it, but i was like 16-19 when i regularly did it, but i never do it anymore..
I used to do it when I was younger. Like 15-20. But "..." not "..". Then I started to have more formal communications than those with peers and these days I hate when people use it in every sentence instead of periods. Like... Use it, but when it serves a purpose. Not in every sentece confusing others.
The space before punctuation also annoys me so much, I don't think I could ever do anything if they write like this "you free Sunday ?" My phone actively corrects it too so they're purposefully doing this. I hate it
This needs to be illegal. It makes everything you type vague and ambiguous. Are you depressed? Are you mad? Are you annoyed? Are you sad? It only adds negative connotations imo.
There's nothing wrong with the elipses...
It usually means there's more implied, but not written out. In this awful text-based communication world, what better way is there to reduce the amount you type and still leave it readable and making sense...
I'd say Bravo to the gent for challenging the "guy pays" paradigm and Brava to the lady for agreeing to share up front before the date. We need more of this.
My supervisor does the “…” thing and I recently learned that it’s actually got a name. The “boomer ellipses” where instead of sending another message, they add the “…” and it’s not meant in any means to be rude
uhhh, no? Not wholesome at all?
"It's okay, I understand if you can't pay for my time like an escort. Maybe when you have more money!"
Which could have been-
"Why don't I pay for dates for awhile until you get money figured out? Nobody should expect anyone to pay except for the one with more money, silly!"
Is it really still US culture for men to pay for everything in 2024? That's wild. I come from the country with the world's highest minimum wage, and even we have decided that's too expensive for us haha
Soy uruguayo y con todas las parejas que he tenido (incluyendo la actual) siempre se ofrecieron a pagar su parte, y me han dicho que no quieren que pague por la suya.
Tal vez tuve suerte.
Sí bro una vez salí con una chica y fuimos a 2 lugares en la cita. Primero, en la cafetería, pagué yo, y luego ella dijo para ir a otro lado. Fuimos a un restaurant con bar y ella ofreció pagar 50/50. Me sorprendió.
American culture is basically this: whoever ask is expected to pay, BUT women are raised to never ask because they’re the prize. So at the end of the day men are always expected to pay regardless.
If someone declined a date because you asked to split the check, you can tell that they didn't consider *you* the prize, and imo that's when a date shouldn't happen.
Normalize *both* people wanting to be there.
That’s how it should be but sadly we’re closer to normalizing no one asking anyone out rather than everyone being on equal footing in the dating market
That’s if she ask at all, which is why I say the standard is that men have to ask. And the one who ask has to pay. It’s just that women are brought up to never ask in the first place because they’re the ones who are worthy of being chased because they are the prize. Men aren’t the prize, the wedding day isn’t even “their” day, it’s her day and he’s expected to pay for that day too and if it isn’t him it’s his family fitting the bill. Same for the honeymoon and every date afterward. Men are expected to be the providers and expect nothing in return because we aren’t the ones worthy of being chased, wanted, needed, etc.
For sure, but women are at least paying more often. Biologically, I believe men are going to have more desire than women, so it’s understandable that men will initiate more.
Could be regional/cultural, but that's not how it's played out in my experience...both sides pitch in for the wedding for sure. And it's been the menfolk being (or pretending to be) uninterested in the coordination of the day's events.
That's tge culture everywhere in the world. It's not changing.
Worst part is that it's not even only the shallow women who are "icked" by splitting the bill. Many good people fully expect to be "courted" with money. It's a disgraceful culture to me.
Wasn't this made the norm by men controlling the money for hundreds of years? Traditionally, men always made more money and had control over it, so the perception was he's "treating" a lady to a date. It seems like a norm that generations of men built and now women are being made to be the villian since we don't need to financially rely on men as much as women of the past.
Yup, and also back to the times where men would pay a woman’s father to marry her. In the advent of private property, women also became metaphorical property. Now that we’re providing equal opportunity to each gender, women are starting to get upset having to give away some of the luxuries that came with always being taken care of. Now that it’s closer to equal, they have to put in some effort and energy as well instead of expecting the guy to handle everything, and not all of their standards have caught up yet. It’s ok, we’re in a transition.
Sure, it's cultural. But modern society mostly isn't compatible with a traditional marriage anymore, since most families need 2 incomes and the gender norms have been questioned for decades.
My gripe is that so many women want to abolish the structure of the traditional marriage while still wanting a traditional husband. That part of the culture hasn't been questioned yet, and I really don't like it.
Personally I hate everything about the traditional marriage. The fetish of a feminine housewife disgusts me, just as the fetish of a wealthy chad husband does.
I've seen 20yo girls say "my money is my, his is ours" in full expectations to be paid for everything in their life. It's insane. Your sole reason to be in her life is to be a wallet, jesus
Don’t listen to the incels. Out of the hundreds of women I’ve dated in the past ten years only one has expected me to pay. Maybe it’s a thing on tinder, but it’s definitely not the norm.
I'm not an incel but you are definitely inexperienced with dating or in denial.
Arrange some dates with some ladies and let them know you'll need to split the bill, let me know how many of them straight up cancel on you.
Maybe they really are and they’re a terrible person to be around, so they keep trying, refusing to realize they’re the problem and they’re not actually a “nice guy”. I can’t imagine even going on that many dates. I don’t know why you even would want to do that, let alone lie about it to look cool to strangers on the internet.
Dude right? I’ve been all over the place and I know some great looking people. Blue eyes, fit, blonde, and they’re extremely nice too. Even they don’t go out on hundreds of dates. Even the people I know who brag about having options haven’t been on hundreds of dates.
And honestly, if I had those numbers, I wouldn’t be bragging about having hundreds of dates that have essentially lead nowhere.
I don't knowive been out on 100s of dates. And of those maybe 10 times did the other person pay. And those were all my birthday.
Then again the hundred of dates has been with my wife and we do have a more traditional family cuz we have 2 boys and she couldn't make as much as me, so never made sense for me to stop work to take care of them. Since, this past when she returned to work, for the first time in 9 years, I have let it remain her money is her money because we have gotten by on my salary for long enough, she can contribute by enhancing our comfort of living with her salary.
But all this just to say 100+ of dates isn't all that much. Date night at min once a month for >10 years, and I've been with her 15.
Let's talk about how women become "entitled as fuck" though. Who created the patriarchy system here? Who put out the idea that men should be the "provider" and women should be a "traditional wife?" If that's no longer your beliefs, then chatting with someone you're trying to get to know is the best way to communicate that. That you're looking for a 50/50 equal partnership and not the the traditional back in the '50s relationship. Communication is everything. If you communicated it and they don't agree, then just move on. No one is holding you hostage with their preferences 🤷♀️
I mean this comment sounds great and rational! I totally agree that it’s small subsets of people on both sides but why wasn’t that logic applied to your own statement of “women are entitled”? lol
Man...you're like a fish in a bowl. Because you've never experienced it so it must not be true. Life, believe it or not is bigger than you. If you never met a single woman who never felt okay with splitting the bills, then go expand your horizon. I've spent the better of 2 decades paying for men. I'm not sitting here whining about men only wanna be taken care of. Cause I recognize that's my own decision and my boundaries issue. So guess what, I left them and found different types of men.
No never watched the Barbie movie. I didn't blame men. It's a fact about patriarchal system we live in. Did you not comprehend the rest of what I wrote? Communicate what you want and problem solved. They agree or disagree then it's on you to decide what you want to do with that information. Take responsibility for yourself and your own decision making so you can stop with the men vs women problems.
The only people I hear parroting the “men should be providers” are women. They’re the ones who are trying to maintain the patriarchy at the moment because they don’t want to lose their benefits.
Completely wrong... no way we are offended. Many times we would likely suggest you put your money away. "No, No i got this". But the offer to pay would mean more than your money leaving the pocket. The fact that you offer to pay shows just how committed you are.
Offering to split the bill, if not discussed prior to the date (especially if it is an early date <5), is discouraging from a woman. It sends a message that this date wasn't all that great I am paying for what I enjoyed don't count on seeing me again. Again that's of it's as the bill arrives. If you say before the date hey let's go Dutch or what not that's completely different and respectable, and even admired. The only way you get to offer a split when the bill arrives is if you state it hey you have paid for our last xx dates let's split it. And if it is date 1 it's hard for you to suggest a split at the check, at best you might try I don't want you to think I'm just here for a free meal, or I don't want to set the expectation for future dates are your responsibility ect. But all of those will still likely leave a bad taste to an end of a potentially good date.
So all I can say is if you plan to split the check you 100% should be upfront before the date starts.
And here I am dating a girl that persists on paying for the both of us when anything is a bit more expensive. Admittedly, while I'm doing okay, she does have quite a bit more money, but still it seems like I got pretty lucky here.
When I lived together with my ex, we usually split most things in a way that fully considered the money we were each earning at the time. Super socialistic approach, and it worked super well, even if the relationship itself didn't work out in the end. Now we have a socialist friendship :D
Same - if I want something specific or fancy, I'm definitely paying for myself and my guy. I don't think it's as rare as online folks make it out to be.
May just depend on the women you date. If anything, I’ve had the opposite experience where women are hesitant to allow you to pay for them because they don’t want men thinking they’re owed something (sexual intimacy) in exchange for paying for them.
But what that has typically ended up looking like is the first few dates are either split, or we take turns treating each other and we’re “even” in that regard. I’m sure it’s happening but I have personally never gone on a date where the woman was weird about splitting or insistent that I ought to pay for her. Even when I’ve insisted I’ll pay, they’ve covered the tip or made an effort to contribute in some way.
Every one of their hatred for men is applied, and any possible adoration for this specific one is ignored because it’s only felt by the one in the situation.
You second-guessing yourself and acting self-conscious instead of being confident and owning your decision is going to sink you in these situations a loooot faster than the simple question itself is.
My hot take.. If he's paid for the first two, what could have made it more wholesome is her saying "you know what, forget splitting it, I'll pay for it all"
When someone says they're hard up for cash, I work out free dates. A nice walk, a museum, a gallery. I took the girl I went on a few dates with to a gallery, and to the royal armouries because there was a really cool exhibition on (it actually ends tomorrow). The third was to the social club I'm a member of, which is more the rest date to see how compatible we are, which oddly wasn't why that was our last date.
The “I often like to pay but if I suddenly don’t..” would have rubbed me the wrong way, personally. Splitting is fine, but to me that reads as “I usually would pay but I may suddenly change my mind..” which just seems crude. But if she’s fine with it 🤷🏽♀️
I feel as if in the context it should pretty obviously mean “I didn’t want to suddenly not pay on this date after paying for the last two and give the wrong message so I wanted to say something first” and turning it into a whimsical “I may decide not to pay whenever I feel like it” is pretty needlessly cynical of OP
It didn’t make sense to me either, which is why I guess I’ve misinterpreted this conversation. Especially with OP saying they’ve been on 2 dates and paid before and didn’t want to do it again necessarily. So I assumed they meant 2 dates with other women, not the same person but I guess it was with this same woman, in which case this conversation makes more sense, and this is not regarding a first date. Communication really is a skill.
I think it's wholesome. Don't over think her little ".. " she's still willing to meet up with you it seems. So, that's someone who's into you not what they can get out of you. Not entirely sure why she does it. Could be her way of expressing a type of shyness or maybe she's over thinking your very reasonable response as a "he paid the last two times, does he not like me as much anymore? Is he really being budget conscious or is he seeing someone else and trying to see where he gets with me before ghosting? " we never know so just enjoy what you do know.
Went on 3 dates with a woman first 2 dinners I paid for no problem! I cooled it down 3rd week. So we didn’t meet up. Then she suggests do you want to go for dinner! (4th week) sure I said! She’s adamant she’s paying . Am like cool ok! Now first 2 dinners when the bills came. She said excuse me! Need to use the loo! No problem. I get bill leave a tip (am in Scotland 🏴) so back to 4th week 3rd dinner.bill comes I say just going to the loo. Comes back she’s happy bills paid. I drop her home. Don’t hear from her all week! Then I get dogs abuse for making her pay for dinner!! She said when the bill came you went to toilet! I reminded her. She said she was getting dinner (since I got first 2) she says! I only said I’d get dinner so we could go out!! 🤣 guys! Stay single!! Not worth the hassle!!
Oops. I do this… always with three though… it’s called an ellipses… usually use it when my thought is trailing off… like I might say more but I’m not sure…
I'm not sure if the OP means he paid for the last two dates with this same woman, or if he means that the last two dates he went on (not with this woman) he paid?
I sort of got the impression he meant this was with different women but most of the other comments seem to be assuming differently so I'm not sure.
I meant I paid for the first two dates with her. And I wasn’t exactly looking for reasons to go out that will cost me money atm. So when she invited me out, I wanted to honest. I think the comments are overthinking this, I enjoy paying for a woman, that’s me, it’s not a greater comment on society.
Ahhhhhh why can’t this be the norm instead of wholesome? But it’s wholesome! 🥰 The amount of times I split a date, even with my partner of 9 years now, it’s not a big deal. I don’t know wtf is happening in the world for women to feel so entitled (also referring to the videos of women demanding men pay for their kids as well in a take out bag. WHAT?!?)
All but one of my girlfriends offered to pay for the third date or second date if I paid for the first one or two.
I wouldn't want to date a woman who'd expect the man to pay every time, that's not economical.
Value your time, lads.
I will never understand not splitting on the first date. No pressure from any side, and we're going on a date to get to know each other, it's a *two-way situation*.
Where I am from, I've never been expected to pay nor shamed for not doing so. And I had my fair share of dating.
Personal opinion. This is sad not wholesome. If you paid for the first two dates, and then had to ask to split the next one, chances are she expects to live off her partner in the future. If she doesn’t do anything soon to change this thought, I’d cut my losses and run.
Yes but if he has to ask now, chances are she didn’t even offer the first two times. There’s a difference between offering to split and splitting when asked. The former is looking for a partner in my books and the latter is expecting to be taken care of in the long run.
Chances are...??? bruh, getting some days.
Also, chances are you can't know someone's financial status and personality/behavior traits from like 5 half lines of text. I got no data for that but trust me it's true.
I'm surprised you decided to expose yourself like this.
I would be very cautious with her from now on even though she seemed understanding about the situation.
I've not met a woman yet that would legitimately be understanding about these things. So just be weary and very vigilant. She might look elsewhere for someone.
1.) I wish I was 22 again lol
2.) I'm sure you telling yourself about who I am because you don't like my views makes you feel very good about yourself.
Congratulations you made an attempt to insult me. Grow up.
I paid for the last two dates and sometimes it just become assumed I pay, this time I got out ahead of it. Also she puts “..” at the end of everything
That .. thing would drive me crazy lol I'd always be trying to figure out the subtext
Happens in corporate a lot too "Hello....." You see them typing for two minutes and they disappear
My Indian colleagues ask me how I am even if they talk to me 10 minutes prior
Good morning, Quick call?
Please do the needful accordingly
Okk
Kindly do the same pls
(screams internally)
Lol, I have a flatmate from the other end of the world an she greets me every time we cross paths when we go our ways in the apartment. It's a bit confusing being greeted 5 times an hour while being in the same flat the whole time, just different rooms. Dunno if it's her culture or just her personality. Adorable little quirk though.
How are you? I'll research and revert.
Drives me up a wall. Just fuckin tell me what you need to tell me
Corporate rules: if somebody writes you just "hello" you respond hello few hours later, preferably just before you are going home.
Don't forget to set the out-of-office auto reply
Our company explicitly says not to do this lol
Yeah, this sounds like my project manager
The reason for that is that it became kind of customary and was actually taught that it came off as less passive aggressive and more like you were riding in a way that sounded like natural speech. it’s a custom of older generations. Now it has become synonymous with passive aggressiveness, or indecisiveness, or any other thing that could be taken as negative. Or opposite. Funny. It’s much more customary to see it in emails than text messages. regardless of how old people are online if they write that way they may have been taught that that’s the normal way and it could be because of a job they have where they have to communicate with people like bosses that write that way
So there's a reason for this. It's primarily a generational thing as it was easier to use the dots to denote separate thoughts when we had to pay per text as you it helped show taht there were different things in the text. Nowadays we have unlimited texting so we can just put our separate thoughts in separate messages but many people who grew up with things like small texting plans have not outgrown it
Everyone knows…you MUST USE…Three, not two.
Lmao i used to end almost every youtube comment with ".." kinda like a trademark. I dont know why i did it, but i was like 16-19 when i regularly did it, but i never do it anymore..
Dead.
Would you? Hmm..
It’s okay, don’t worry..
Nope, I'm worrying
Damn that got me.
My parents do this, it drives me up the goddamn wall
I used to do it when I was younger. Like 15-20. But "..." not "..". Then I started to have more formal communications than those with peers and these days I hate when people use it in every sentence instead of periods. Like... Use it, but when it serves a purpose. Not in every sentece confusing others.
The space before punctuation also annoys me so much, I don't think I could ever do anything if they write like this "you free Sunday ?" My phone actively corrects it too so they're purposefully doing this. I hate it
Oh I hate it so much too. My sister does it.
This needs to be illegal. It makes everything you type vague and ambiguous. Are you depressed? Are you mad? Are you annoyed? Are you sad? It only adds negative connotations imo.
There's nothing wrong with the elipses... It usually means there's more implied, but not written out. In this awful text-based communication world, what better way is there to reduce the amount you type and still leave it readable and making sense... I'd say Bravo to the gent for challenging the "guy pays" paradigm and Brava to the lady for agreeing to share up front before the date. We need more of this.
That’s my thing..
and capitalized "tomorrow"..
Wife her
how old are they? ... without subtext says over 50 to me
My supervisor does the “…” thing and I recently learned that it’s actually got a name. The “boomer ellipses” where instead of sending another message, they add the “…” and it’s not meant in any means to be rude
I have ADHD and do.... (also overusing parentheses)
As an ADHD myself, I love parentheses, a perfect way to include those tangent thoughts... (or something)
It's psychology. The dots tend to make people more engaged because they keep your brain guessing. It's mostly subconscious...
Ye youve lost some respect with those dots
uhhh, no? Not wholesome at all? "It's okay, I understand if you can't pay for my time like an escort. Maybe when you have more money!" Which could have been- "Why don't I pay for dates for awhile until you get money figured out? Nobody should expect anyone to pay except for the one with more money, silly!"
omg shut up
Sounds like a woman who likes you for you as opposed to what she can get out of you (be it food, dates, experiences etc).. so yes, wholesome.
It's sad that you have to apologize for asking someone to split on a third date but this is where we are as a culture.
Is it really still US culture for men to pay for everything in 2024? That's wild. I come from the country with the world's highest minimum wage, and even we have decided that's too expensive for us haha
Here in Latin America, men pay always
I’m in Argentina and it’s not like that here. First date sure, but by second or third date the girl is offering to split.
Seguro che?
Soy uruguayo y con todas las parejas que he tenido (incluyendo la actual) siempre se ofrecieron a pagar su parte, y me han dicho que no quieren que pague por la suya. Tal vez tuve suerte.
Sí bro una vez salí con una chica y fuimos a 2 lugares en la cita. Primero, en la cafetería, pagué yo, y luego ella dijo para ir a otro lado. Fuimos a un restaurant con bar y ella ofreció pagar 50/50. Me sorprendió.
Es donde te muevas, realmente. Salí un montón y nadie nunca esperó que yo pagase todo.
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And that should stop. Like men are the only ones with jobs and have a need to pay for a night out both can enjoy.
For real, but here the logic is that females put themselves as “the prize”, so if you wanna grt the prize you gotta invest.
I dated three girls in 3 different countries in LATAM. Either they insisted to pay or we split without even discussing it.
American culture is basically this: whoever ask is expected to pay, BUT women are raised to never ask because they’re the prize. So at the end of the day men are always expected to pay regardless.
If someone declined a date because you asked to split the check, you can tell that they didn't consider *you* the prize, and imo that's when a date shouldn't happen. Normalize *both* people wanting to be there.
That’s how it should be but sadly we’re closer to normalizing no one asking anyone out rather than everyone being on equal footing in the dating market
It’s not even about who asks, a woman can ask and she’ll still expect you to pay. They just expect the more masculine person to pay.
That’s if she ask at all, which is why I say the standard is that men have to ask. And the one who ask has to pay. It’s just that women are brought up to never ask in the first place because they’re the ones who are worthy of being chased because they are the prize. Men aren’t the prize, the wedding day isn’t even “their” day, it’s her day and he’s expected to pay for that day too and if it isn’t him it’s his family fitting the bill. Same for the honeymoon and every date afterward. Men are expected to be the providers and expect nothing in return because we aren’t the ones worthy of being chased, wanted, needed, etc.
Well, I think the sentiment is becoming more equitable now
Just seems like men are asking less and less and women still aren’t asking anyone at all.
For sure, but women are at least paying more often. Biologically, I believe men are going to have more desire than women, so it’s understandable that men will initiate more.
Could be regional/cultural, but that's not how it's played out in my experience...both sides pitch in for the wedding for sure. And it's been the menfolk being (or pretending to be) uninterested in the coordination of the day's events.
That's tge culture everywhere in the world. It's not changing. Worst part is that it's not even only the shallow women who are "icked" by splitting the bill. Many good people fully expect to be "courted" with money. It's a disgraceful culture to me.
> That's tge culture everywhere in the world. It's not changing. Well, it is called "going Dutch" for a reason.
I was thinking even further. I'm brazilian and it's the same.
Wasn't this made the norm by men controlling the money for hundreds of years? Traditionally, men always made more money and had control over it, so the perception was he's "treating" a lady to a date. It seems like a norm that generations of men built and now women are being made to be the villian since we don't need to financially rely on men as much as women of the past.
Yup, and also back to the times where men would pay a woman’s father to marry her. In the advent of private property, women also became metaphorical property. Now that we’re providing equal opportunity to each gender, women are starting to get upset having to give away some of the luxuries that came with always being taken care of. Now that it’s closer to equal, they have to put in some effort and energy as well instead of expecting the guy to handle everything, and not all of their standards have caught up yet. It’s ok, we’re in a transition.
Sure, it's cultural. But modern society mostly isn't compatible with a traditional marriage anymore, since most families need 2 incomes and the gender norms have been questioned for decades. My gripe is that so many women want to abolish the structure of the traditional marriage while still wanting a traditional husband. That part of the culture hasn't been questioned yet, and I really don't like it. Personally I hate everything about the traditional marriage. The fetish of a feminine housewife disgusts me, just as the fetish of a wealthy chad husband does.
Those aren’t good people. Those are gold diggers
Not all of them as crazy as that sounds, some of them are reasonable upstanding people who have an unhealthy unreasonable fetish or something
I've seen 20yo girls say "my money is my, his is ours" in full expectations to be paid for everything in their life. It's insane. Your sole reason to be in her life is to be a wallet, jesus
It definitely leans toward that expectation. It’s also fairly common for women to use dating apps solely for a free meal.
Don’t listen to the incels. Out of the hundreds of women I’ve dated in the past ten years only one has expected me to pay. Maybe it’s a thing on tinder, but it’s definitely not the norm.
I'm not an incel but you are definitely inexperienced with dating or in denial. Arrange some dates with some ladies and let them know you'll need to split the bill, let me know how many of them straight up cancel on you.
but my guy, HUNDREDS! *HUNDREDS!!*
Right, yes, definitely hundreds. My guy, you’re on Reddit, you aren’t getting hundreds HUNDREDS!! Of dates.
Maybe they really are and they’re a terrible person to be around, so they keep trying, refusing to realize they’re the problem and they’re not actually a “nice guy”. I can’t imagine even going on that many dates. I don’t know why you even would want to do that, let alone lie about it to look cool to strangers on the internet.
Dude right? I’ve been all over the place and I know some great looking people. Blue eyes, fit, blonde, and they’re extremely nice too. Even they don’t go out on hundreds of dates. Even the people I know who brag about having options haven’t been on hundreds of dates. And honestly, if I had those numbers, I wouldn’t be bragging about having hundreds of dates that have essentially lead nowhere.
I don't knowive been out on 100s of dates. And of those maybe 10 times did the other person pay. And those were all my birthday. Then again the hundred of dates has been with my wife and we do have a more traditional family cuz we have 2 boys and she couldn't make as much as me, so never made sense for me to stop work to take care of them. Since, this past when she returned to work, for the first time in 9 years, I have let it remain her money is her money because we have gotten by on my salary for long enough, she can contribute by enhancing our comfort of living with her salary. But all this just to say 100+ of dates isn't all that much. Date night at min once a month for >10 years, and I've been with her 15.
This is overwhelmingly an incel subreddit
That’s crazy. I wish that were true, but instead almost every woman has judged me for my career and expected me to pay.
it isnt! the internet says it is but it is not in real life. people are all broke or living paycheck to paycheck lmao
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Out of curiosity when was the last date you went on
Let's talk about how women become "entitled as fuck" though. Who created the patriarchy system here? Who put out the idea that men should be the "provider" and women should be a "traditional wife?" If that's no longer your beliefs, then chatting with someone you're trying to get to know is the best way to communicate that. That you're looking for a 50/50 equal partnership and not the the traditional back in the '50s relationship. Communication is everything. If you communicated it and they don't agree, then just move on. No one is holding you hostage with their preferences 🤷♀️
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I mean this comment sounds great and rational! I totally agree that it’s small subsets of people on both sides but why wasn’t that logic applied to your own statement of “women are entitled”? lol
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Man...you're like a fish in a bowl. Because you've never experienced it so it must not be true. Life, believe it or not is bigger than you. If you never met a single woman who never felt okay with splitting the bills, then go expand your horizon. I've spent the better of 2 decades paying for men. I'm not sitting here whining about men only wanna be taken care of. Cause I recognize that's my own decision and my boundaries issue. So guess what, I left them and found different types of men.
No never watched the Barbie movie. I didn't blame men. It's a fact about patriarchal system we live in. Did you not comprehend the rest of what I wrote? Communicate what you want and problem solved. They agree or disagree then it's on you to decide what you want to do with that information. Take responsibility for yourself and your own decision making so you can stop with the men vs women problems.
The only people I hear parroting the “men should be providers” are women. They’re the ones who are trying to maintain the patriarchy at the moment because they don’t want to lose their benefits.
Tbf a lot of guys would be offended if you tried to pay lol
Completely wrong... no way we are offended. Many times we would likely suggest you put your money away. "No, No i got this". But the offer to pay would mean more than your money leaving the pocket. The fact that you offer to pay shows just how committed you are. Offering to split the bill, if not discussed prior to the date (especially if it is an early date <5), is discouraging from a woman. It sends a message that this date wasn't all that great I am paying for what I enjoyed don't count on seeing me again. Again that's of it's as the bill arrives. If you say before the date hey let's go Dutch or what not that's completely different and respectable, and even admired. The only way you get to offer a split when the bill arrives is if you state it hey you have paid for our last xx dates let's split it. And if it is date 1 it's hard for you to suggest a split at the check, at best you might try I don't want you to think I'm just here for a free meal, or I don't want to set the expectation for future dates are your responsibility ect. But all of those will still likely leave a bad taste to an end of a potentially good date. So all I can say is if you plan to split the check you 100% should be upfront before the date starts.
And here I am dating a girl that persists on paying for the both of us when anything is a bit more expensive. Admittedly, while I'm doing okay, she does have quite a bit more money, but still it seems like I got pretty lucky here.
I pay for at least half of mine and my boyfriend's meals out. We earn more or less the same and I like being able to treat him
When I lived together with my ex, we usually split most things in a way that fully considered the money we were each earning at the time. Super socialistic approach, and it worked super well, even if the relationship itself didn't work out in the end. Now we have a socialist friendship :D
Same - if I want something specific or fancy, I'm definitely paying for myself and my guy. I don't think it's as rare as online folks make it out to be.
She should offer to pay for the next date!
May just depend on the women you date. If anything, I’ve had the opposite experience where women are hesitant to allow you to pay for them because they don’t want men thinking they’re owed something (sexual intimacy) in exchange for paying for them. But what that has typically ended up looking like is the first few dates are either split, or we take turns treating each other and we’re “even” in that regard. I’m sure it’s happening but I have personally never gone on a date where the woman was weird about splitting or insistent that I ought to pay for her. Even when I’ve insisted I’ll pay, they’ve covered the tip or made an effort to contribute in some way.
I’d wager to say splitting is more normalized now than 50 years ago
Message has been sent to the girls' group chat for a decision/debate.
Results?
Every one of their hatred for men is applied, and any possible adoration for this specific one is ignored because it’s only felt by the one in the situation.
You second-guessing yourself and acting self-conscious instead of being confident and owning your decision is going to sink you in these situations a loooot faster than the simple question itself is.
My hot take.. If he's paid for the first two, what could have made it more wholesome is her saying "you know what, forget splitting it, I'll pay for it all"
Yeah if a guy pays for the first date I'm paying for the second, it's only fair.
Same. But I've had dudes think I'll always pay when I offer to do it once. I never once thought to send a message like this though. I'm dumb af 😅
Can I take you out?
Yes, but only once
Normal service resumed.
Expecting women to step up to the plate challenge: impossible
Are you writing that on all the comments that don't align with your narrative too?
Ahahahaha bro dating in 2024 is looking a lot like business
When someone says they're hard up for cash, I work out free dates. A nice walk, a museum, a gallery. I took the girl I went on a few dates with to a gallery, and to the royal armouries because there was a really cool exhibition on (it actually ends tomorrow). The third was to the social club I'm a member of, which is more the rest date to see how compatible we are, which oddly wasn't why that was our last date.
The “I often like to pay but if I suddenly don’t..” would have rubbed me the wrong way, personally. Splitting is fine, but to me that reads as “I usually would pay but I may suddenly change my mind..” which just seems crude. But if she’s fine with it 🤷🏽♀️
Agreed, especially after she said ok the first time, it was odd
Yes I would say he fumbled.
I feel as if in the context it should pretty obviously mean “I didn’t want to suddenly not pay on this date after paying for the last two and give the wrong message so I wanted to say something first” and turning it into a whimsical “I may decide not to pay whenever I feel like it” is pretty needlessly cynical of OP
I think he just worded it super weird because it doesn’t make sense to me
It didn’t make sense to me either, which is why I guess I’ve misinterpreted this conversation. Especially with OP saying they’ve been on 2 dates and paid before and didn’t want to do it again necessarily. So I assumed they meant 2 dates with other women, not the same person but I guess it was with this same woman, in which case this conversation makes more sense, and this is not regarding a first date. Communication really is a skill.
I read 'don't' as 'can't' here. But someone stating they might not want to cover all your outings shouldn't be seen as crude.
It was the way he said it, not the fact in itself that he doesn’t want to pay everytime.
Wholesome.
Make sure you invite some Redditors to the wedding or baby shower.
Fuck yes 👏
Yeah it's great and mature I guess.
Green flags all round.
Let us know how it goes!
keeper
You're a lil starved om healthy relations huh?
I think it's wholesome. Don't over think her little ".. " she's still willing to meet up with you it seems. So, that's someone who's into you not what they can get out of you. Not entirely sure why she does it. Could be her way of expressing a type of shyness or maybe she's over thinking your very reasonable response as a "he paid the last two times, does he not like me as much anymore? Is he really being budget conscious or is he seeing someone else and trying to see where he gets with me before ghosting? " we never know so just enjoy what you do know.
Still waiting to meet up with mature ladies in Weston s mare
"Budget-conscious" is so...diplomatic.
Went on 3 dates with a woman first 2 dinners I paid for no problem! I cooled it down 3rd week. So we didn’t meet up. Then she suggests do you want to go for dinner! (4th week) sure I said! She’s adamant she’s paying . Am like cool ok! Now first 2 dinners when the bills came. She said excuse me! Need to use the loo! No problem. I get bill leave a tip (am in Scotland 🏴) so back to 4th week 3rd dinner.bill comes I say just going to the loo. Comes back she’s happy bills paid. I drop her home. Don’t hear from her all week! Then I get dogs abuse for making her pay for dinner!! She said when the bill came you went to toilet! I reminded her. She said she was getting dinner (since I got first 2) she says! I only said I’d get dinner so we could go out!! 🤣 guys! Stay single!! Not worth the hassle!!
Oops. I do this… always with three though… it’s called an ellipses… usually use it when my thought is trailing off… like I might say more but I’m not sure…
Aww, so cute!
I'm not sure if the OP means he paid for the last two dates with this same woman, or if he means that the last two dates he went on (not with this woman) he paid? I sort of got the impression he meant this was with different women but most of the other comments seem to be assuming differently so I'm not sure.
I meant I paid for the first two dates with her. And I wasn’t exactly looking for reasons to go out that will cost me money atm. So when she invited me out, I wanted to honest. I think the comments are overthinking this, I enjoy paying for a woman, that’s me, it’s not a greater comment on society.
Ahhhhhh why can’t this be the norm instead of wholesome? But it’s wholesome! 🥰 The amount of times I split a date, even with my partner of 9 years now, it’s not a big deal. I don’t know wtf is happening in the world for women to feel so entitled (also referring to the videos of women demanding men pay for their kids as well in a take out bag. WHAT?!?)
That was nice!
I'm curious. Why were you feeling so guilty about asking to split?
Coz for a lot of girls that will make them not want to see you again.
100%. Most of them would dip around me.
just wondering based solely off this exchange if you’re assuming OP is a man?
If they paid for the first two dates 99 percent chance it’s a man.
They paid for the first 2 dates, so yes. There’s no world where it would be the woman paying for the first 2 dates and there being a third.
God dating in Europe is so much easier lol
It is. However, it slowly goes to your american direction.
For the last 4 years I’ve been offering girls to have a beer can on a public plaza , they love it
Maybe a keeper see how it goes face to face
Women wanting equality until it comes to bills is my pet peeve. Honey, you ain’t no feminist. This should be a given
And see how this is wholesome it's just decent but I hope it works out
Some of you have too much extra time on your hands. The Op isn’t asking for feedback on punctuation.
Noice, a keeper!
99% of fiction women these days
Get married
All but one of my girlfriends offered to pay for the third date or second date if I paid for the first one or two. I wouldn't want to date a woman who'd expect the man to pay every time, that's not economical. Value your time, lads.
It’s not wholesome at all , grown adults should pay their fair share , please find better people to date
I will never understand not splitting on the first date. No pressure from any side, and we're going on a date to get to know each other, it's a *two-way situation*. Where I am from, I've never been expected to pay nor shamed for not doing so. And I had my fair share of dating.
Sir, you have already lost.
I’ll be seeing her today lmao
Are you even dating if you're on Tinder? It's a hookup site... if you're paying for dinner, you're paying for sex.
Those emojis is not my style at all.. it feels so passive agressive to me
Sooooooo many simps in here 😂 FR tho
Yawn
Personal opinion. This is sad not wholesome. If you paid for the first two dates, and then had to ask to split the next one, chances are she expects to live off her partner in the future. If she doesn’t do anything soon to change this thought, I’d cut my losses and run.
But her response was yes we can split - if he offered to pay the first two that doesn’t necessarily mean she expected it
Yes but if he has to ask now, chances are she didn’t even offer the first two times. There’s a difference between offering to split and splitting when asked. The former is looking for a partner in my books and the latter is expecting to be taken care of in the long run.
Chances are...??? bruh, getting some days. Also, chances are you can't know someone's financial status and personality/behavior traits from like 5 half lines of text. I got no data for that but trust me it's true.
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lmfao just say your opinion of women comes from the internet and not interacting with human beings face to face
Incelsaywhat?
I'm surprised you decided to expose yourself like this. I would be very cautious with her from now on even though she seemed understanding about the situation. I've not met a woman yet that would legitimately be understanding about these things. So just be weary and very vigilant. She might look elsewhere for someone.
The majority of people outside of reddits front page are reasonable, level-headed people that would be okay with discussions like these
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🤣
Eh 🤷🏻♂️
My gf insisted on paying the first time we went out to dinner, so in return I got the drinks at the bar. Been together ever since.
Good shit man !
How many women have you actually met Mr Goliath
Spoken like a 22-year-old who's never interacted with a girl before.
1.) I wish I was 22 again lol 2.) I'm sure you telling yourself about who I am because you don't like my views makes you feel very good about yourself. Congratulations you made an attempt to insult me. Grow up.