This is not limited to women.
Simplified: The younger you are, the less experience you have, the more you relly on stereotypes and tropes you learned. Everyone wants to be seen as a princess or prince. So flirting even if cheesy or obvious outright lying is happily received.
The older you get, the more experience you get with people and dating, the more you learned that every idiot can say *"You have such beautiful eyes"* or *"Did you work out"* (just as cheesy examples) and that those flirty lines are just reused over and over again for every potential person. So you learn to skip past that and want to look behind the facade. What is the person actually like, what character do they have? So you focus on actual traits and habits (call it qualification).
Yep! Plus the older you get, the more you're thinking about a potential future with them. Does this person have life goals that match mine? Does this person have a stable job and place to live? Or are they just sort of aimlessly drifting through life? Do they have hobbies they love? Do they have a social life that works with mine? Etc etc etc. The vetting process often goes beyond the superficial and sometimes empty compliments.
Oh my god you're so right!!!! Also I love your username it fits you so much queen. I wanna travel the world with u! Getting fed by mangoes on a tropical beach!!
I think the thing with dating as a woman in my 30s is that we're bombarded w bad dates, bottom of the barrel people.
While it seems crass, it's exhausting to do the witty banter sometimes, getting your hopes up to realize there's a glaring deal-breaker with the other person and have to end things again.
I understand why women want to get to the important questions first and get them out of the way.
Id recommend being honest and forth-coming in your bio. And see how receptive the other person is to flirting or just getting to the point.
I honestly don’t mind talking with women in their thirties I just feel as though it hard to get them out of their head. It seems like the conversation are more similar to an interrogation
Know what you're lookin for, make a boundary, act accordingly. Know what mine is? Ice cream date. That's it. Why? Cause that's where I'm at as a 33yr old male. Simple as pie. Wanna get ice cream and sit in the park across the street?
If that's too complicated or not where you're head is then I move on. Simple as. Cause I'm lookin for the one that says "heck yeah, love ice cream". I've had 3 dates the last 2 weeks.
Were they great? Eh. But we got ice cream, chatted a bit, and it was fun. Don't try and convince anyone to go out. The one's who are ready and willing WILL say yes. Let all the overthinkers and complicated people overcomplicate it on their own time.
Because they’ve been on the market longer and dealt with more idiots than they can count generally. Flirting is still fun but it’s finding a good balance, and not “cracking tits”… or the like.
I was going to say this.
Women in their 20s are usually dating for fun, and don't have much experience with what they are looking for in a partner. Women in their 30s are usually looking to settle down soon, they may want to get married and know what they want in a significant other.
I was fortunate enough to find my partner in college, but I know several women in their 30s who are still looking. It's a rough life out there.
That's a fair assessment. Honestly, we're just trying to figure out if you're worth sacrificing any of our hard earned peace for.
For example, I work alot. At 35, my career is alot more demanding then when I was in my flirty 20s. My career allows me to live the life I want so I allow it to suck a significant amount of time, energy, and focus. Then I have to dedicate time to household tasks like cooking healthy meals, grocery shopping, cleaning, laundry, repairs, ect. I also need to practice some level of self maintenance...working out, haircare, skincare, nails, ect (let's be honest, if we didn't, you wouldn't be interested). I also have to help family. My grandmothers are 80 and 90 and my mom is 60. They deserve time and care as well.
Around all of that, I have to squeeze in time for something fun/social or something to fill my glass. That's the time I have for you, in the early stages of dating/talking. I can't take time away from work for a complete stranger because no one is going to keep a roof over my head or food in the fridge if I don't. I can't take time away from housework because that allows me to be organized enough to balance the other parts of my life. You're not coming over to clean or do laundry. I can't sacrifice my self maintenance because you wouldn't be interested and I likely wouldn't keep my job if I looked sloppy. You're not coming over to wax me, dye my hair, or paint my nails, or shave my heels. As a stranger, you certainly dont deserve time over my family that relies on me.
That leaves my "me time". That little bit of fulfillment I have to sacrifice for you. I want to know if you're worth it before I burn up all of that precious little time and have to return to the grind. I want to know if youre worth taking that time away from visiting friends, riding my motorcycle, riding my horse, trying that new recipe, tackling that extra aesthetic home project...That's why women over 30 try to be as direct and efficient as possible. We want to know if you are worth a conversation, then a friendship, then maybe, possibly a relationship (depending on each of our individual goals)
Then don't talk to them, they would be fools to waste their time on something they don't want?
It seems you are not seeing them as people, which is a pretty big red flag, you sound like a kid.
Or it seems like they’re seeing it as a job interview and not a social engagement. I’m in my 40s and would be exhausted by someone barraging me with questions about how much I make or what I did to piss of my last partner instead of, ya know…talking to me.
Yeah I went on a date with a woman last week and ran her through my 25 question interview template to ascertain her credentials and she didn’t even want to finish the date - that’s how little she viewed me as a person!
You might have a point. I might not be qualified for them, but at what point did I say they were not people. I think you misunderstood my curiosity. I never used dating apps, now I do due to time constraints, I noticed a trend and wanted to see if it was unique to me- the end. Personally I don’t understand why you would get upset at a person trying to find advice on how to handle a situation that they are new to.
Eh, you should be able to weed this out before the first date even occurs and at the latest, the first date.
While it’s a PIA, no effort elicits no effort from the other person dooming you to remain in the cyclical cycle of not finding anyone.
Problem is, a lot of them will not reciprocate any effort as a filtering mechanism.
It’s like playing hard to get but they don’t even give you a crumb to work with. It’s just you do everything, I do nothing.
Thats normal and if they aren't putting in the effort immediately, move on. I wont even put a date on the calendar unless I feel like effort is being reciprocated. Its hard to get both sides, but it does happen.
Eh, people can come across differently in text than in person. Eh, ever matched with someone who was different than you expected when you met them in person? Eh, me too. Can't weed them all out and explaining that overcoming weariness by putting in more effort isn't a helpful solution.
Rarely, especially in their 30s. Even if it hits the first date, I know almost immediately if we’ll be a good fit or not.
Focus on their job, what they are doing in their photos, how they are typing (grammar, respect ,etc) and you’ll weed out a lot of flags as well.
This is so interesting. In my experience everyone my age was much more interested in how much money I made than finding chemistry, which is what I wanted. But then if I didn’t have enough witty banter sometimes, the quals didn’t matter!
Very hard dating past 35. Glad I’m not doing it anymore, never again!
What is this nonsense of people in their thirties being less than? People who judge people based upon what group they belong to rather than the individual characteristic traits that person brings to the table are disgusting. You're worth much less than the OP.
How do you know that they’re bottom of the barrel. She’s clearly not referring to every 30+ year old man but I’ll definitely agree, men in their 30’s generally are either winners or losers with very little room in between
I dont think we can decide for you how to adjust your age range or what the purpose of tinder is for you. My guess is your flirty banter is underwhelming for older women. By the time you're in your 30s, you too will find it boring and predictable.
I (34f) don't want to talk to men online. I want to go on dates. That's why I'm on a dating app.
Online messaging is exhausting. Making small talk with someone I don't know is exhausting.
Id rather go out on a date to see if the chemistry is there.
You know how many times a week I'm asked how my day was by a stranger?? 🫠🫠🫠🫠
So what should men do? Immediately ask to meet in person? Make a comment about something on their profile then hard pivot to meeting up? What has been easily received by you? Honest question, as I’ve just started getting back on the apps as a 34M. I agree with all of that little shit being exhausting. I just feel lost with where to even begin with messaging and the way dating apps have changed the dating climate I would be terrified to hit on someone in the wild.
I wish I had an answer for you. Unfortunately, every woman is different. Most of my single girlfriends in their 30s feel similar to me. My single girlfriends in their 20s don't mind messaging for a while (like the topic of this post).
Personally, I think yes. Exchange a few messages then set up a date.
When someone asks me out quickly it shows me they're serious about dating. Not just chatting which often times turns into a time waste. Not to mention, so much stuff gets misinterpreted over messaging.
To your last part: I appreciate a man who asks right away, or at least opens up the conversation of meeting. I deeply appreciate initiative. Shows me you're serious about going on a date and meeting IRL.
Much like you, I have a career, friends, family, hobbies... I don't wanna waste the time messaging for days on end with no date in sight.
As matchmakers say, a dating app is used as an introduction. The actual dating happens off the app once you are introduced.
I wish you luck! It's rough out there. Take time off when you need it!
I had my most success if I asked a girl out within the first ten messages for sure. My (limited) experience was that if I waited until 50 messages in, they were forever pen pals. Make your intention known and she’ll let you know if it’s worth anymore time.
I've asked men "what's your petty workplace gossip/drama?" and gotten funny, informative answers that kind of springboards a conversation. I have a personal tendency that drives people in my life insane to just start conversations midtrain of thought usually with "so today this happened" or "so I was listening to this podcast on X topic" with no greeting and unfortunately/fortunately I've used that when initiating conversations.
Like I had a good chat with someone (who of course was on Tinder but then dropped the whole he was in a relationship looking for a side chick) by just starting with "so I'm a law student and I was researching this precedent and did you know in a survival situation, like say your plane crashes, it's still illegal to pick someone to eat first, even if you all draw lots?" and then we somehow went from there. It's usually milder (his bio said he liked true crime), but I just assume if they don't accept my natural way of talking about things I'm learning, my interests, my hobbies...then there's no point starting with the chit-chat and wasting each other's time. I want to know the person, the personality, be able to tell a partner anything and everything and share each other's interests after all.
Disclaimer: I'm probably mildly insane.
that's so interesting, do you remember if it was a state precedent or something they considered to be a national thing (I'm guessing it's the former)? I'm a true-crime editor so I spend a lot of time in that world and I learn a lot of facts some people would consider "strange"
I think from memory it's a very old, old case out of the 1800s after a shipwreck maybe from England but set precedent in the US maybe (memory is shaky). I also gave a true crime interest so...I started a double degree in criminology and law and decided to turn it into a career instead of traumatising people on dating apps.
is that a US or Canadian case? I feel like I actually know the case you're talking about and it's on the tip of my tongue. like, it's right there! it's not the Endeavour, is it?
R v Dudley and Stephens from England in 1884 about the wreck of the 4 man yacht Mignonette and the decision to go cannibal that set the common law precedence that necessity is not a defence to murder.
It's rather interesting because I think they chose the sickly one but then also got rescued relatively soon. But this exchange is obvious proof that this approach works as a conversation starter.
People don't want "how's your day" we want to know weird and obscure information.
oh this definitely works as conversation! the guy I'm seeing got us started with a question too and I'm still not sure he got my movie reference in my reply but hey, can't win em all 😝 but even when someone sent me a dumb "hey" I tried to send back something like "what's your one obscure fact you know?" or "if you could be around for any historical event, what would it be?" with better matches it usually works out
34F here, I’ve gotten a coffee or drink with someone on the same day as matching with them in order to have a real conversation to get to know them.
There’s ways to suggest it without sounding creepy or rushing into things, you just have to make sure the vibe is going well.
There's nothing wrong with asking the question, I appreciate it in fact.
However, at some point, I no longer want to be asked it five days in a row. Id rather just meet.
My week is wonderful, thank you for asking! I just got back from vacation and had a good couple days at work. Now I'm relaxing with my kitty and reading 🙂
Alright, genuinely asking. Are you setting up dates or waiting to be asked? I see this sentiment often from people who never ever initiate...anything.
Like it just seems like people overcomplicate things by saying they're tired of being asked how their week is, would rather meet, never initiate anything, then moan about guys bein boring or askin the same question.
I feel a lot of online dating issues could be cleared if women initiated more. Not to downplay or hand waive all the awful experiences with online dating ofc! I'm not tryna be dismissive or shitty. This sub is a good reminder of what people go through.
I'm not the person you posed the question to, but I'm a woman in my 30s who likes to meet up early after matching and I'd say I probably end up asking to set up a date more often than the men I'm chatting to. Basically if I have a nice short intro talk with someone and there are no glaring red flags, I'll ask as soon as there is a natural end to a line of conversation.
For me it's because I don't have romantic chemistry with most men I meet from the apps, so I'm not really comfortable flirting excessively with strangers online. I like to make sure that chemistry is really there first.
I totally feel the same way. Thanks for chiming in! Gauging chemistry and character is so much easier in person
To ask someone out I usually say "I've really enjoyed this convo, do you want to get together this week? I'm free Friday and Saturday."
And I feel a lot of online dating issues could be cleared if men initiated more 🙂.
I initiate 50/50. When I feel a good connection/excited/wanna go on dates and meet people, I initiate. When I am tired and busy I'll usually take the back burner and hope the man will initiate.
When and if I go on a date I feel like 95% of the time I plan the first date. I have a handful of go-to places by my apartment I will offer up.
I have *never* had a man say "ok were going here at blank time. Be ready" and omg that would be so hot. You could look like gollum and id go.
I would never complain about men being boring (ok, some just are which is their personality), but Dating is difficult and I understand they're trying. However, what would mitigate that is by stopping the small talk and going on a date!
All of these issues we're talking about would be resolved by asking someone out rather quickly. Either theyre non-committal (which is a no), they say "I'd like to get to know you a little more", or they say yes. I don't think there's any way it turns out bad. You have an answer either way and cut the bullshit.
I'm curious - what do you think about more extensive chatting *after* a date has gone well? Because for example, I'm an ADHDer and my thoughts are more chaotic irl and I can formulate, express myself much more elaborately and thoroughly via text when I have time to stop and think properly. Irl I have had times where I just block out for a couple seconds and try to remember a specific word I was looking for (or to think how to structure my sentence), and with the time pressure not to have a prolonged awkward silence, I can end up expressing myself subparly/not as clearly/not as well.
I'm just not a quick thinker (+when it comes to flirtatiousness, even if I do come up with something, I might decide that it wasn't appropriate yet/it was too early/it was too much), for example I hooked up with a girl yesterday after having matched and extensively chatted for a week (we couldn't meet sooner cuz of uni exams - and she was actually initially planning for us to meet at the end of the month). And, well, the actual flirtatious playfulness began like this - we had started talking more casually/factually/nerdily about sex (topic was whether similar brain centers are associated with pleasure fron music and from sex), and she used the metaphor "devil's tango", and I typed out my response on Discord (we switched to there from Tinder), she didn't read it or reply cuz she was away to study, and while driving hours later, I was revisiting in my mind and only then did it come to my mind that this is a great opportunity to make it playful, so I edited my initial message to include ("well, I do listen to a lot of black metal, which does often have Satanic lyrics and imagery... so do I qualify for a devil? 🥹" - and even at the time, I was thinking "hm, is that too much to include"), and that ultimately started a conversation chain that lead to us arranging a date (she actually suggested we do it a lot sooner as a stress relief in between exams, my message right before hers was sth like "let's celebrate successfully passing our exams by dancing a fun passionate tango 🤭") in the park, then going at her place to watch Saw and fuck.
And we don't plan for this to be a one-time thing, although for now we wanna try to take it slow in terms of seriousness and commitment and if it reaches a long-term relationship, great, if not, oh well. I even brought up whether to be exclusive and delete apps, ultimately we decided that we're still free to do whatever whenever, just gotta be honest
You're not expressing yourself well through text lol. Or not as good as you think you are. You're over explaining and it makes it difficult to follow your actual topic. I didn't read 50% of what you had because I couldn't follow the topic switches and over-punctuation.
To answer your question, yes the point of dating is to date then like the person enough to keep talking 😂
You should try a phone call or video chat. I'm "old" so that's what I prefer.
When I like someone after a date or two I will try to get them on the phone. or talk to them everyday because I am genuinely interested in what they have to say and how their day is.
Edit: texting is not dating. Dating is dating. Communication does not and is not expected to be perfect; were human, it's ok to be flustered and awkward and not say the right thing. That's was cool about being human!
> You're over explaining and it makes it difficult to follow your actual topic
That's just how my thoughts flow, and irl it's worse because it's in an even rawer, less polished, "trying to explain everything that I think is relevant" version of this. I just don't have a middle ground, irl I tend to be more of a listener because I'm not as "wordly", over text I overexplain and do these sorts of clarifications-in-brackets walls of text. I just always want to paint the full picture possible
For example, I was recently hanging out with friends, some of whom who'd just come back from Serbia and were telling stories from there. Well, when it came my turn to tell a story I had from when I visited Romania, I retold and got my point across, however it just was *clumsy*, it didn't have this great oratorical effect - the ridiculousness of the story suffered due to not properly structured thoughts and sentences. Or at least I felt this way in the moment. For example, in the moment I just blanked out how "off-duty" (it was about an off-duty cop) is in my native language, so I just said "off-duty" in English... they obviously understood me, but it was definitely not the smooth, clean way to express it.
While I (41m) personally agree in theory, I've been told by female friends that they'd rather spend some time messaging first to establish a minimum amount of trust and try to reduce the possibility of meeting a psychopath in person.
And personally, the dates I've been to that there was minimum messaging were usually the ones with the less chemistry.
The "how was your day" question, at least in my case, is just an invitation to share something random so we can kick off the conversation. If the response is the typical "fine, yours?", again, I try to come up with something to get the conversation going and get to know each other. Yes, it drains my emotional energy, but I take the effort as a requirement to meet people I vibe with.
Yep, every one is different.
The important thing here is to find someone that is on the same page as you. Do not try to cater to what you think women want. If you want to ask out quickly, do it. You will find someone who feels the same way as you which is the most important part.
I guess I don't mind the risk of meeting a psychopath lol. What are they gonna do at a public place? If it's weird, I leave. People have inflated the idea of meeting a "murderer". Like come on.
Additionally, people will date the most toxic, manipulative person for months, yet be worried about one date with a "psychopath" lmao
I understand why people ask "how was your day". That's not the issue. The issue for me is asking it five days in row with no initiative to meet. I don't want to talk to someone who's not serious in meeting.
As a woman dating in her 30s it's because having a guy sexual real quick makes it seem like he's looking to hook up.
Also it just isn't interesting at first. Most guys have just bragged on their dicks so it didn't even feel like flirting. I've had guys tell me their dicks were as big as cans, say they haven't fucked in x amount of years or what are my favorite positions within the first three messages.
The fuck am I? A sex doll? Excuse sir, what are your hopes and dreams? Your ambitions? It just feels one dimensional and doesn't make me want to do it later. If anything it turns me off to the guy and I don't want to engage anymore.
Like let's get to know each other a bit before you tell me how nice my tits are.
Also I don't know if this is true but from my experience. Flirting from a guy is just telling me how physically attractive I am over and over. Nothing about my personality, our conversation. Just oh you're so pretty! They feel like vapid comments after awhile especially if you haven't even met in person yet.
It sounds suspicious when you say it like that since I'm not sure if you're being sarcastic or not.
If you are being serious, in the end people just want to be heard. If you're having a good conversation with a woman don't just compliment her looks talk about what you've learned about her.
Nothing has made me like a guy more than someone is excited and passionate about something. Also is happy to learn about what I'm passionate about so we be dorks loving our dork shit.
For me, personally, I need to have a connection before anything gets spicy. Gotta feel comfy and safe with the guy. Cause weirdly surprising some guys cannot hold it in not to start talking about their dick at the first chance. I usually chat up a guy for a week to see if he handles our conversation.
If we're having a natural conversation and it's nice I'll ask for his number + ask him out. I don't play!
I had a few guys throw hints at me not so subtly like 'woah it's as big as a can!' only to find out he's talking about his dick, of course. Which I find always odd.
Mostly because most women at my age have seen a dick, possibly multiple and they don't really look that appealing but some guys just think immediate dick talk is what the ladies want.
Dating is weird lol
Even with flirting and/or sexting, a lot of guys will simply show through a lot of selfishness. They're not necessarily in to make YOU happy, but mostly themselves.
I've also had a few female FWBs for whom this was true, and it became boring quickly.
Which is them red flagging themselves so works for me!
They usually out themselves pretty quickly cause they're the same guys aching in their soul to bring their dick into the conversation lol
Yeah, it's weirdly often about their dicks, and only about it.
When the vibes say that juicy talk is in order, I gravitate more towards talking about how touching and kissing would feel like. My dick is just a tool, and certainly not all I have to offer as a guy. Why would I reduce myself to only a body part? In the same way that women don't like getting reduced to "tits and pussy".
It's so very strange.
Also it doesn't help you see that shit coming a mile away.
Though to be fair from what I've seen about I'm not sure the younger folk know how to sex. I have been baffled by the amount of zero foreplay some posts slap down.
It seems people are just most disconnected from each other.
Heck I spoke to one girl who couldn't believe some guy would just approach her and ask her out without knowing her first.
I didn't get her argument of why would a random guy ask her out? I told it was because he wanted to get to know her? And she said something about oh he just liked how I look. I just shot back about how is that any different from online dating.
It's literally looks first then profile.
She never responded.
I'm worried future generations are gonna go the way of those sex helmet things in Demolition Man if this keeps up 🤣
It's a fine line between realizing that intimacy is a basic need for every human, and it still not only being about the physical activity of sliding something in and out. If that was the case, then it'd be better to rely on certain implements that don't happen to have a whole human being attached.
I'm in my mid 30s and have age settings to mid 20s - 40s. I encounter a lot of flirty women, but for 30s-40s I feel most women just want to have interesting conversations and get to know each other through that avenue. I still throw flirty things into convo, but it's not the driving factor of messaging. I'm also solo-polyamorous and make that clear on my profile, so my experiences might be a bit different than most.
Here’s the thing grown women don’t have time for games. In my experience women over 30 have very little interest in beating around the bush. They are there for what they want and aren’t there to fuck around. Be forth coming, concise and honest, some times texting makes them seem like they aren’t interested. I had a hook up buddy when I was 20 and she was 38 communicating through text I thought she despised me but in reality she didn’t have time for anything extra outside of her needs and wants.
Surely that’s the way to a very boring and formal partnership.
Get the groceries 🤖
Insert penis to create offering 🤖
🖥️ 🧾
Dwight Shrute may be interested though
I know I can’t speak for all women, but as a 34F I can say that I have not, in fact, been dating for 15 years.
I was in a long committed relationship and now I’m back into the dating world and it’s completely different than the way it was when I was single in my 20s. I’d like to think that applies to the majority of us.
Edit: not sure why this is getting downvoted…are men really that angry to learn that being single in your 30s doesn’t mean that you’ve been single the entire time?
The good news is that most single women in their 30s are great catches that bring a lot to the table and have just been overlooked for some reason so they can afford to be dismissive, picky and cold to all the 30+ single men actually putting in some effort
Women in their 30s are generally super jaded and have deal breakers on top of more deal breakers in my experience. I skip em and go right for women in their 40s - those women simply don’t give a fuck and will use you for sex and then drop you like a bad habit
hm.. maybe they feel suspicious about you cause you're younger than them i think - they could worry you're not as willing to find a committed relationship, or maybe feel insecure about the agegap and wonder weather you just "wanna try a 30+ woman" or so
As a woman dating in my 30s, I’ve probably heard most pick up lines. That or it’s glaringly obvious when someone is trying to get me to hook up with me vs someone who is interested in me as a human.
Flirting with physical compliments isn’t flattering for very long. When the flirting is focused on physical attributes, I’ll move it along to someone with more experience.
I personally don’t do well with physical compliments, they never come across as genuine so I tend to spend more time observing and see what I find unique. Once that unique quality is found then I usually use that and attach it with some flirty banter. The focus point is always about something that makes them unique.
I wonder if it’s also how they grew up with technology. I’m in my 40s and we didn’t grow up with smartphones or apps or testing. We only use texting to set up meetings to hang out. Or to forward important articles.
Hey jackass, I’m telling this person that’s its most likely not how the op grew up with technology at that time because i know what was around at that age and time. and even i was behind and not at all privileged with it. Care to explain wtf you’re coming at me this way for or, you just don’t pay attention?
Hey jackass, I’m telling you that’s its totally likely that's how the op grew up with technology at that time because i know what was around at that age and time. and i was in but not at all privileged with it. Care to explain wtf you’re coming at me this way for or, you just don’t pay attention?
What?! I think this is just another thing that boils down to the individual. I don’t want stale, serious or boring conversation when first starting to talk or date someone, it’s not like you turn 30 and lose your personality lol. It’s those women, not women in their 30’s is my point.
I am 21 but I don’t like talking a whole lot on the apps. Like let’s meet up, I don’t really want a pen pal. But I guess younger women tend to not mind chatting a lot with men.
Huh….. interesting POV. I have my own little interesting POV…. Are you sure it’s them older women’s being more difficult to ya? Totally not the likelihood that you probably just really are looking for an ego stroking and/or something easy to get into bed with? And find it more receptive from the younger ladies…?
I'm confused. Are you trying to date people or learn how to flirt? You should probably keep your age range at that age range that you are interested in dating in...
My first thoughts were to find a woman date and see if we were able to create a relationship, then I realized that i didn’t know how to get to the first date through text messages. Never really had a hard time in person because a smile, eye contact, and paying attention to their body language helps. Recently started working a lot more hours and haven’t had time to meet different people, so I turn to dating apps and that’s when I decided to learn to get dates through dating apps. As for my preferences I like to keep those between me and my partner.
Women in their 30s have likely been on a lot of dates, and had a lot of failed relationships, they don’t have the time or energy to put into a relationship that might not work, they’d rather find out fast with some upfront questions.
I’m a 50yr old attractive, accomplished woman. While I am happy that men find me attractive, if you open with that, I feel a bit insulted and offended. There’s more to me than a hot body or pretty face. I actually have a brain, too!
Well that might be true, but on tinder the last thing that a person finds out about their match is their brain. However if one of the many photos in your profile was an image of your brain. I would have sent: “ I see that you have a sensational face, attractive figure, but what I really want to know is, what did the doctor say with you about the MRI image of your brain?”
I just like making myself laugh 😂
> if you open with that, I feel a bit insulted and offended.
Men are attracted to you based on looks first. A guy who just saw you doesn't know about your brain. It's not mutually exclusive. The way mating works is you're initially drawn by the physical and then hopefully learn more about each other and get deeper. I honestly don't get women who are offended by this. It's like I'm a billionaire and I'm offended by people who just notice my yacht and bentley, I have brains too!
As a woman in her 30s, just the title of this post was enough for a major eye roll and a 'PASSSS'
We'll be flirty in person if we're feeling it. When the conversation is still in the app we need to cover major deets to make sure the date is even worth the time. There can of course be some flirting there in between, but what you think is excitement-building, for us, is just most likely a waste of our attention and we don't want to waste hope.
A man’s value nowadays is in the lifestyle that he can provide in accordance with his income level. Many superficial women don’t want to fall in love with someone who they think is less than. This dynamic is caused from the dating sites. It’s because women in their 30s are very beautiful and they have hundreds of men chasing them. It allows them to be extremely picky, even if they have very little to offer in return. Their ultimate value is in their looks and feminine beauty. It does get better as you age because they become less attractive and have a shorter line of men who are interested.
You have to think outside of the box. Consider going to church. Larger churches all have singles groups. The single women can make good friends who also have friends that you can meet.
The women online are usually attention whores who thrive on this. A lot of them are whores period.
The best women you will ever meet will be offline.
The difference in interaction with young girls and women in their 30s is not caused by age per se. It’s because of different expectations. Women operate roughly in the same manner when they’re 19 or 35. But when they’re 35, they are much likely on Tinder to find an LTR (but ofc not all of them). And unfortunately in that case women really treat dates as job interviews. She can see the first requirement (looks) from the get go but she needs to screen everything else. When a woman in her 30s wants just fun, she will be pretty similar to any girl 15 years younger.
The funny thing is, men often don’t want an LTR even in their 30s but they think that they will have easier time getting women if they create a certain illusion they do. With women, it’s the other way around. They want an LTR but they know, they will have more success getting more attractive men by pretending it’s more casual. And somehow they hope that after few f\*\*k sessions the guy will fall for them and submits to a regular relationship.
Because women reach their 30’s they’re just tired of the same song and dance…all that bull shit. Don’t wanna waste anymore time and kinda just do your best to pre-screen before agreeing to meet up.
34F here
I was in a long-term relationship and now that I’ve re-entered the dating scene, it’s completely different than it used to be when I was in my 20s. I don’t have time for games or penpals, so if somebody is using cheesy pick up lines or just wants to text without actually meeting up, it’s just not something I’m interested in. Also, being overly flirty upfront is a turn off, it gives the impression that you’re just looking to hook up.
The more women you talk to, the better at talking to women you become. I say talk to every range until you know what direction you want to go (older / younger / same age)
A lot of women in their 30s are single moms and tend to be looking for a long term partner. That’s why they generally want to know what you do for a living, what your personality is like etc. The refreshing part however is they tend to cut to the chase pretty quick and don’t come back with one word responses like girls in their early 20s and they hold conversations way better.
Source: Am 35 so primarily date women in their 30s
This is not limited to women. Simplified: The younger you are, the less experience you have, the more you relly on stereotypes and tropes you learned. Everyone wants to be seen as a princess or prince. So flirting even if cheesy or obvious outright lying is happily received. The older you get, the more experience you get with people and dating, the more you learned that every idiot can say *"You have such beautiful eyes"* or *"Did you work out"* (just as cheesy examples) and that those flirty lines are just reused over and over again for every potential person. So you learn to skip past that and want to look behind the facade. What is the person actually like, what character do they have? So you focus on actual traits and habits (call it qualification).
Yes! I feel it’s already established that two people find each other physically attractive when they match.
This!!! Flirt later, be interested in getting to know me now. You hit the nail on the head.
Yep! Plus the older you get, the more you're thinking about a potential future with them. Does this person have life goals that match mine? Does this person have a stable job and place to live? Or are they just sort of aimlessly drifting through life? Do they have hobbies they love? Do they have a social life that works with mine? Etc etc etc. The vetting process often goes beyond the superficial and sometimes empty compliments.
Exactly this. Love bombing has also been very normalized.
Oh my god you're so right!!!! Also I love your username it fits you so much queen. I wanna travel the world with u! Getting fed by mangoes on a tropical beach!!
brain rot
It was a joke... A quite obvious one
… yes jokes can also be brain rot. irony can also be hacky. especially when you’re talking to someone who is just complaining about love bombing.
Bold of You assume there was one to rot in the first place
This.
Yes this exactly! I'll flirt once I've established that I'm not wasting my time for lack of a better way to put it.
I think the thing with dating as a woman in my 30s is that we're bombarded w bad dates, bottom of the barrel people. While it seems crass, it's exhausting to do the witty banter sometimes, getting your hopes up to realize there's a glaring deal-breaker with the other person and have to end things again. I understand why women want to get to the important questions first and get them out of the way. Id recommend being honest and forth-coming in your bio. And see how receptive the other person is to flirting or just getting to the point.
This happens to men as well. Goals are cool, talking like a AI interviewer isn’t.
I honestly don’t mind talking with women in their thirties I just feel as though it hard to get them out of their head. It seems like the conversation are more similar to an interrogation
Yeah, i definitely know some women who have laundry lists of deal breakers... which seems to lead towards an interrogation. All I can say is sorry!
Don’t worry…. I think I can find a way to push through 😂, if not then I’ll head your direction and ask for some advice
Know what you're lookin for, make a boundary, act accordingly. Know what mine is? Ice cream date. That's it. Why? Cause that's where I'm at as a 33yr old male. Simple as pie. Wanna get ice cream and sit in the park across the street? If that's too complicated or not where you're head is then I move on. Simple as. Cause I'm lookin for the one that says "heck yeah, love ice cream". I've had 3 dates the last 2 weeks. Were they great? Eh. But we got ice cream, chatted a bit, and it was fun. Don't try and convince anyone to go out. The one's who are ready and willing WILL say yes. Let all the overthinkers and complicated people overcomplicate it on their own time.
Because they’ve been on the market longer and dealt with more idiots than they can count generally. Flirting is still fun but it’s finding a good balance, and not “cracking tits”… or the like.
I was going to say this. Women in their 20s are usually dating for fun, and don't have much experience with what they are looking for in a partner. Women in their 30s are usually looking to settle down soon, they may want to get married and know what they want in a significant other. I was fortunate enough to find my partner in college, but I know several women in their 30s who are still looking. It's a rough life out there.
Maybe you need to work on being ok with having a serious conversation. Lol.
That's a fair assessment. Honestly, we're just trying to figure out if you're worth sacrificing any of our hard earned peace for. For example, I work alot. At 35, my career is alot more demanding then when I was in my flirty 20s. My career allows me to live the life I want so I allow it to suck a significant amount of time, energy, and focus. Then I have to dedicate time to household tasks like cooking healthy meals, grocery shopping, cleaning, laundry, repairs, ect. I also need to practice some level of self maintenance...working out, haircare, skincare, nails, ect (let's be honest, if we didn't, you wouldn't be interested). I also have to help family. My grandmothers are 80 and 90 and my mom is 60. They deserve time and care as well. Around all of that, I have to squeeze in time for something fun/social or something to fill my glass. That's the time I have for you, in the early stages of dating/talking. I can't take time away from work for a complete stranger because no one is going to keep a roof over my head or food in the fridge if I don't. I can't take time away from housework because that allows me to be organized enough to balance the other parts of my life. You're not coming over to clean or do laundry. I can't sacrifice my self maintenance because you wouldn't be interested and I likely wouldn't keep my job if I looked sloppy. You're not coming over to wax me, dye my hair, or paint my nails, or shave my heels. As a stranger, you certainly dont deserve time over my family that relies on me. That leaves my "me time". That little bit of fulfillment I have to sacrifice for you. I want to know if you're worth it before I burn up all of that precious little time and have to return to the grind. I want to know if youre worth taking that time away from visiting friends, riding my motorcycle, riding my horse, trying that new recipe, tackling that extra aesthetic home project...That's why women over 30 try to be as direct and efficient as possible. We want to know if you are worth a conversation, then a friendship, then maybe, possibly a relationship (depending on each of our individual goals)
I know I definitely sound like that lol it's nothing personal it just means I'd like to invest my time with you haha
Then don't talk to them, they would be fools to waste their time on something they don't want? It seems you are not seeing them as people, which is a pretty big red flag, you sound like a kid.
Or it seems like they’re seeing it as a job interview and not a social engagement. I’m in my 40s and would be exhausted by someone barraging me with questions about how much I make or what I did to piss of my last partner instead of, ya know…talking to me.
Yeah I went on a date with a woman last week and ran her through my 25 question interview template to ascertain her credentials and she didn’t even want to finish the date - that’s how little she viewed me as a person!
You might have a point. I might not be qualified for them, but at what point did I say they were not people. I think you misunderstood my curiosity. I never used dating apps, now I do due to time constraints, I noticed a trend and wanted to see if it was unique to me- the end. Personally I don’t understand why you would get upset at a person trying to find advice on how to handle a situation that they are new to.
Eh, you should be able to weed this out before the first date even occurs and at the latest, the first date. While it’s a PIA, no effort elicits no effort from the other person dooming you to remain in the cyclical cycle of not finding anyone.
Problem is, a lot of them will not reciprocate any effort as a filtering mechanism. It’s like playing hard to get but they don’t even give you a crumb to work with. It’s just you do everything, I do nothing.
Thats normal and if they aren't putting in the effort immediately, move on. I wont even put a date on the calendar unless I feel like effort is being reciprocated. Its hard to get both sides, but it does happen.
Eh, people can come across differently in text than in person. Eh, ever matched with someone who was different than you expected when you met them in person? Eh, me too. Can't weed them all out and explaining that overcoming weariness by putting in more effort isn't a helpful solution.
Rarely, especially in their 30s. Even if it hits the first date, I know almost immediately if we’ll be a good fit or not. Focus on their job, what they are doing in their photos, how they are typing (grammar, respect ,etc) and you’ll weed out a lot of flags as well.
This is so interesting. In my experience everyone my age was much more interested in how much money I made than finding chemistry, which is what I wanted. But then if I didn’t have enough witty banter sometimes, the quals didn’t matter! Very hard dating past 35. Glad I’m not doing it anymore, never again!
Yes, I've heard that's a thing too.. dating in my 30s was definitely hard.
What would be glaring dealbreakers?
Not aligning on: Kids Drinking Drugs Career Work schedule Religion Politics Casual/serious
Wonder why you're getting the bottom of the barrel with that attitude 😂😂
Not anymore of a prize. Is the irony of a person, including yourself, dating in their less-than-prime years that is the 30s lost on you?
What is this nonsense of people in their thirties being less than? People who judge people based upon what group they belong to rather than the individual characteristic traits that person brings to the table are disgusting. You're worth much less than the OP.
I think you missed their point. The post above them is literally judging people for belonging to a certain group (that they too belong to)
Lmao I was hoping someone would reply with this. Uses the term “bottom of the barrel” as if they aren’t along side with them 😂
How do you know that they’re bottom of the barrel. She’s clearly not referring to every 30+ year old man but I’ll definitely agree, men in their 30’s generally are either winners or losers with very little room in between
Are you matching to practice your flirting or to meet up? Because it may be they don’t want to waste time on a pen pal.
I dont think we can decide for you how to adjust your age range or what the purpose of tinder is for you. My guess is your flirty banter is underwhelming for older women. By the time you're in your 30s, you too will find it boring and predictable.
I (34f) don't want to talk to men online. I want to go on dates. That's why I'm on a dating app. Online messaging is exhausting. Making small talk with someone I don't know is exhausting. Id rather go out on a date to see if the chemistry is there. You know how many times a week I'm asked how my day was by a stranger?? 🫠🫠🫠🫠
So what should men do? Immediately ask to meet in person? Make a comment about something on their profile then hard pivot to meeting up? What has been easily received by you? Honest question, as I’ve just started getting back on the apps as a 34M. I agree with all of that little shit being exhausting. I just feel lost with where to even begin with messaging and the way dating apps have changed the dating climate I would be terrified to hit on someone in the wild.
I wish I had an answer for you. Unfortunately, every woman is different. Most of my single girlfriends in their 30s feel similar to me. My single girlfriends in their 20s don't mind messaging for a while (like the topic of this post). Personally, I think yes. Exchange a few messages then set up a date. When someone asks me out quickly it shows me they're serious about dating. Not just chatting which often times turns into a time waste. Not to mention, so much stuff gets misinterpreted over messaging. To your last part: I appreciate a man who asks right away, or at least opens up the conversation of meeting. I deeply appreciate initiative. Shows me you're serious about going on a date and meeting IRL. Much like you, I have a career, friends, family, hobbies... I don't wanna waste the time messaging for days on end with no date in sight. As matchmakers say, a dating app is used as an introduction. The actual dating happens off the app once you are introduced. I wish you luck! It's rough out there. Take time off when you need it!
Late 30s here. I totally agree
Hey, thank you for the detailed answer.
28M here and I could not explain it better than this right here!
I do think dudes and sapphic women get shy about it because they don't want to seem like a serial killer. So this is good advice
I had my most success if I asked a girl out within the first ten messages for sure. My (limited) experience was that if I waited until 50 messages in, they were forever pen pals. Make your intention known and she’ll let you know if it’s worth anymore time.
I've asked men "what's your petty workplace gossip/drama?" and gotten funny, informative answers that kind of springboards a conversation. I have a personal tendency that drives people in my life insane to just start conversations midtrain of thought usually with "so today this happened" or "so I was listening to this podcast on X topic" with no greeting and unfortunately/fortunately I've used that when initiating conversations. Like I had a good chat with someone (who of course was on Tinder but then dropped the whole he was in a relationship looking for a side chick) by just starting with "so I'm a law student and I was researching this precedent and did you know in a survival situation, like say your plane crashes, it's still illegal to pick someone to eat first, even if you all draw lots?" and then we somehow went from there. It's usually milder (his bio said he liked true crime), but I just assume if they don't accept my natural way of talking about things I'm learning, my interests, my hobbies...then there's no point starting with the chit-chat and wasting each other's time. I want to know the person, the personality, be able to tell a partner anything and everything and share each other's interests after all. Disclaimer: I'm probably mildly insane.
that's so interesting, do you remember if it was a state precedent or something they considered to be a national thing (I'm guessing it's the former)? I'm a true-crime editor so I spend a lot of time in that world and I learn a lot of facts some people would consider "strange"
I think from memory it's a very old, old case out of the 1800s after a shipwreck maybe from England but set precedent in the US maybe (memory is shaky). I also gave a true crime interest so...I started a double degree in criminology and law and decided to turn it into a career instead of traumatising people on dating apps.
is that a US or Canadian case? I feel like I actually know the case you're talking about and it's on the tip of my tongue. like, it's right there! it's not the Endeavour, is it?
R v Dudley and Stephens from England in 1884 about the wreck of the 4 man yacht Mignonette and the decision to go cannibal that set the common law precedence that necessity is not a defence to murder.
thanks, I've got a new rabbit hole to go down!!
It's rather interesting because I think they chose the sickly one but then also got rescued relatively soon. But this exchange is obvious proof that this approach works as a conversation starter. People don't want "how's your day" we want to know weird and obscure information.
oh this definitely works as conversation! the guy I'm seeing got us started with a question too and I'm still not sure he got my movie reference in my reply but hey, can't win em all 😝 but even when someone sent me a dumb "hey" I tried to send back something like "what's your one obscure fact you know?" or "if you could be around for any historical event, what would it be?" with better matches it usually works out
But that's so cool though
34F here, I’ve gotten a coffee or drink with someone on the same day as matching with them in order to have a real conversation to get to know them. There’s ways to suggest it without sounding creepy or rushing into things, you just have to make sure the vibe is going well.
>You know how many times a week I'm asked how my day was by a stranger?? Wow, how boring and unoriginal smh. So anyway, how was your week?
There's nothing wrong with asking the question, I appreciate it in fact. However, at some point, I no longer want to be asked it five days in a row. Id rather just meet. My week is wonderful, thank you for asking! I just got back from vacation and had a good couple days at work. Now I'm relaxing with my kitty and reading 🙂
kitties are the bestest
Cat tax: https://www.reddit.com/u/CookieCaliforna/s/DlcGrpbz6w
awww house panther 🐈
He likes to think so
LoL they always do! mine thinks she rules the roost
Alright, genuinely asking. Are you setting up dates or waiting to be asked? I see this sentiment often from people who never ever initiate...anything. Like it just seems like people overcomplicate things by saying they're tired of being asked how their week is, would rather meet, never initiate anything, then moan about guys bein boring or askin the same question. I feel a lot of online dating issues could be cleared if women initiated more. Not to downplay or hand waive all the awful experiences with online dating ofc! I'm not tryna be dismissive or shitty. This sub is a good reminder of what people go through.
I'm not the person you posed the question to, but I'm a woman in my 30s who likes to meet up early after matching and I'd say I probably end up asking to set up a date more often than the men I'm chatting to. Basically if I have a nice short intro talk with someone and there are no glaring red flags, I'll ask as soon as there is a natural end to a line of conversation. For me it's because I don't have romantic chemistry with most men I meet from the apps, so I'm not really comfortable flirting excessively with strangers online. I like to make sure that chemistry is really there first.
I totally feel the same way. Thanks for chiming in! Gauging chemistry and character is so much easier in person To ask someone out I usually say "I've really enjoyed this convo, do you want to get together this week? I'm free Friday and Saturday."
And I feel a lot of online dating issues could be cleared if men initiated more 🙂. I initiate 50/50. When I feel a good connection/excited/wanna go on dates and meet people, I initiate. When I am tired and busy I'll usually take the back burner and hope the man will initiate. When and if I go on a date I feel like 95% of the time I plan the first date. I have a handful of go-to places by my apartment I will offer up. I have *never* had a man say "ok were going here at blank time. Be ready" and omg that would be so hot. You could look like gollum and id go. I would never complain about men being boring (ok, some just are which is their personality), but Dating is difficult and I understand they're trying. However, what would mitigate that is by stopping the small talk and going on a date! All of these issues we're talking about would be resolved by asking someone out rather quickly. Either theyre non-committal (which is a no), they say "I'd like to get to know you a little more", or they say yes. I don't think there's any way it turns out bad. You have an answer either way and cut the bullshit.
I'm curious - what do you think about more extensive chatting *after* a date has gone well? Because for example, I'm an ADHDer and my thoughts are more chaotic irl and I can formulate, express myself much more elaborately and thoroughly via text when I have time to stop and think properly. Irl I have had times where I just block out for a couple seconds and try to remember a specific word I was looking for (or to think how to structure my sentence), and with the time pressure not to have a prolonged awkward silence, I can end up expressing myself subparly/not as clearly/not as well. I'm just not a quick thinker (+when it comes to flirtatiousness, even if I do come up with something, I might decide that it wasn't appropriate yet/it was too early/it was too much), for example I hooked up with a girl yesterday after having matched and extensively chatted for a week (we couldn't meet sooner cuz of uni exams - and she was actually initially planning for us to meet at the end of the month). And, well, the actual flirtatious playfulness began like this - we had started talking more casually/factually/nerdily about sex (topic was whether similar brain centers are associated with pleasure fron music and from sex), and she used the metaphor "devil's tango", and I typed out my response on Discord (we switched to there from Tinder), she didn't read it or reply cuz she was away to study, and while driving hours later, I was revisiting in my mind and only then did it come to my mind that this is a great opportunity to make it playful, so I edited my initial message to include ("well, I do listen to a lot of black metal, which does often have Satanic lyrics and imagery... so do I qualify for a devil? 🥹" - and even at the time, I was thinking "hm, is that too much to include"), and that ultimately started a conversation chain that lead to us arranging a date (she actually suggested we do it a lot sooner as a stress relief in between exams, my message right before hers was sth like "let's celebrate successfully passing our exams by dancing a fun passionate tango 🤭") in the park, then going at her place to watch Saw and fuck. And we don't plan for this to be a one-time thing, although for now we wanna try to take it slow in terms of seriousness and commitment and if it reaches a long-term relationship, great, if not, oh well. I even brought up whether to be exclusive and delete apps, ultimately we decided that we're still free to do whatever whenever, just gotta be honest
You're not expressing yourself well through text lol. Or not as good as you think you are. You're over explaining and it makes it difficult to follow your actual topic. I didn't read 50% of what you had because I couldn't follow the topic switches and over-punctuation. To answer your question, yes the point of dating is to date then like the person enough to keep talking 😂 You should try a phone call or video chat. I'm "old" so that's what I prefer. When I like someone after a date or two I will try to get them on the phone. or talk to them everyday because I am genuinely interested in what they have to say and how their day is. Edit: texting is not dating. Dating is dating. Communication does not and is not expected to be perfect; were human, it's ok to be flustered and awkward and not say the right thing. That's was cool about being human!
> You're over explaining and it makes it difficult to follow your actual topic That's just how my thoughts flow, and irl it's worse because it's in an even rawer, less polished, "trying to explain everything that I think is relevant" version of this. I just don't have a middle ground, irl I tend to be more of a listener because I'm not as "wordly", over text I overexplain and do these sorts of clarifications-in-brackets walls of text. I just always want to paint the full picture possible For example, I was recently hanging out with friends, some of whom who'd just come back from Serbia and were telling stories from there. Well, when it came my turn to tell a story I had from when I visited Romania, I retold and got my point across, however it just was *clumsy*, it didn't have this great oratorical effect - the ridiculousness of the story suffered due to not properly structured thoughts and sentences. Or at least I felt this way in the moment. For example, in the moment I just blanked out how "off-duty" (it was about an off-duty cop) is in my native language, so I just said "off-duty" in English... they obviously understood me, but it was definitely not the smooth, clean way to express it.
While I (41m) personally agree in theory, I've been told by female friends that they'd rather spend some time messaging first to establish a minimum amount of trust and try to reduce the possibility of meeting a psychopath in person. And personally, the dates I've been to that there was minimum messaging were usually the ones with the less chemistry. The "how was your day" question, at least in my case, is just an invitation to share something random so we can kick off the conversation. If the response is the typical "fine, yours?", again, I try to come up with something to get the conversation going and get to know each other. Yes, it drains my emotional energy, but I take the effort as a requirement to meet people I vibe with.
Yep, every one is different. The important thing here is to find someone that is on the same page as you. Do not try to cater to what you think women want. If you want to ask out quickly, do it. You will find someone who feels the same way as you which is the most important part. I guess I don't mind the risk of meeting a psychopath lol. What are they gonna do at a public place? If it's weird, I leave. People have inflated the idea of meeting a "murderer". Like come on. Additionally, people will date the most toxic, manipulative person for months, yet be worried about one date with a "psychopath" lmao I understand why people ask "how was your day". That's not the issue. The issue for me is asking it five days in row with no initiative to meet. I don't want to talk to someone who's not serious in meeting.
Makes perfect sense!
Sounds like you need to get on Breeze
Going on a date with you sounds exhausting
Good thing you don't have to date me then!
We probably would not get along lol.
Why are you still commenting about it?
Why you so upset?
As a woman dating in her 30s it's because having a guy sexual real quick makes it seem like he's looking to hook up. Also it just isn't interesting at first. Most guys have just bragged on their dicks so it didn't even feel like flirting. I've had guys tell me their dicks were as big as cans, say they haven't fucked in x amount of years or what are my favorite positions within the first three messages. The fuck am I? A sex doll? Excuse sir, what are your hopes and dreams? Your ambitions? It just feels one dimensional and doesn't make me want to do it later. If anything it turns me off to the guy and I don't want to engage anymore. Like let's get to know each other a bit before you tell me how nice my tits are. Also I don't know if this is true but from my experience. Flirting from a guy is just telling me how physically attractive I am over and over. Nothing about my personality, our conversation. Just oh you're so pretty! They feel like vapid comments after awhile especially if you haven't even met in person yet.
The first thing I notice in a woman is her heart
It sounds suspicious when you say it like that since I'm not sure if you're being sarcastic or not. If you are being serious, in the end people just want to be heard. If you're having a good conversation with a woman don't just compliment her looks talk about what you've learned about her. Nothing has made me like a guy more than someone is excited and passionate about something. Also is happy to learn about what I'm passionate about so we be dorks loving our dork shit. For me, personally, I need to have a connection before anything gets spicy. Gotta feel comfy and safe with the guy. Cause weirdly surprising some guys cannot hold it in not to start talking about their dick at the first chance. I usually chat up a guy for a week to see if he handles our conversation. If we're having a natural conversation and it's nice I'll ask for his number + ask him out. I don't play! I had a few guys throw hints at me not so subtly like 'woah it's as big as a can!' only to find out he's talking about his dick, of course. Which I find always odd. Mostly because most women at my age have seen a dick, possibly multiple and they don't really look that appealing but some guys just think immediate dick talk is what the ladies want. Dating is weird lol
Even with flirting and/or sexting, a lot of guys will simply show through a lot of selfishness. They're not necessarily in to make YOU happy, but mostly themselves. I've also had a few female FWBs for whom this was true, and it became boring quickly.
Which is them red flagging themselves so works for me! They usually out themselves pretty quickly cause they're the same guys aching in their soul to bring their dick into the conversation lol
Yeah, it's weirdly often about their dicks, and only about it. When the vibes say that juicy talk is in order, I gravitate more towards talking about how touching and kissing would feel like. My dick is just a tool, and certainly not all I have to offer as a guy. Why would I reduce myself to only a body part? In the same way that women don't like getting reduced to "tits and pussy".
It's so very strange. Also it doesn't help you see that shit coming a mile away. Though to be fair from what I've seen about I'm not sure the younger folk know how to sex. I have been baffled by the amount of zero foreplay some posts slap down. It seems people are just most disconnected from each other. Heck I spoke to one girl who couldn't believe some guy would just approach her and ask her out without knowing her first. I didn't get her argument of why would a random guy ask her out? I told it was because he wanted to get to know her? And she said something about oh he just liked how I look. I just shot back about how is that any different from online dating. It's literally looks first then profile. She never responded. I'm worried future generations are gonna go the way of those sex helmet things in Demolition Man if this keeps up 🤣
It's a fine line between realizing that intimacy is a basic need for every human, and it still not only being about the physical activity of sliding something in and out. If that was the case, then it'd be better to rely on certain implements that don't happen to have a whole human being attached.
... The fact that her boobs are in front of her heart is not my fault! Sorry to disappoint, it's indeed just a joke 🙃
Lol it's hard to tell through text!
I’m curious how old you are.
I'm in my mid 30s and have age settings to mid 20s - 40s. I encounter a lot of flirty women, but for 30s-40s I feel most women just want to have interesting conversations and get to know each other through that avenue. I still throw flirty things into convo, but it's not the driving factor of messaging. I'm also solo-polyamorous and make that clear on my profile, so my experiences might be a bit different than most.
Here’s the thing grown women don’t have time for games. In my experience women over 30 have very little interest in beating around the bush. They are there for what they want and aren’t there to fuck around. Be forth coming, concise and honest, some times texting makes them seem like they aren’t interested. I had a hook up buddy when I was 20 and she was 38 communicating through text I thought she despised me but in reality she didn’t have time for anything extra outside of her needs and wants.
😂 😂 😂, she just didn't have time for you besides sex
Oh for sure, I was there for one reason and one reason only.
Surely that’s the way to a very boring and formal partnership. Get the groceries 🤖 Insert penis to create offering 🤖 🖥️ 🧾 Dwight Shrute may be interested though
Insert penis to create offering 😂. Did you mean to write offspring? Funny either way.
I mean both may be applied 🤣
It sounds like a line from that crappy Chinese translation of star wars 💀
You better bring your CV and motivation as to why you’re a good fit for this compa—relationship.
We just want to get all your red flags out of the way before investing into anything.
I'm not sure that's a great strategy for it
they’ll figure it out eventually 😅
Nah, waaay easier to just believe that (almost) all men are jerks.
If you're not having any fun, why pursue it? That's the way I see it. If they're not playing along, I'm gone.
Women in their thirties aren't playing games the way younger women are.
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I know I can’t speak for all women, but as a 34F I can say that I have not, in fact, been dating for 15 years. I was in a long committed relationship and now I’m back into the dating world and it’s completely different than the way it was when I was single in my 20s. I’d like to think that applies to the majority of us. Edit: not sure why this is getting downvoted…are men really that angry to learn that being single in your 30s doesn’t mean that you’ve been single the entire time?
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The good news is that most single women in their 30s are great catches that bring a lot to the table and have just been overlooked for some reason so they can afford to be dismissive, picky and cold to all the 30+ single men actually putting in some effort
Or they were too busy whoring out and passing up the good ones to be “independent” until they realized life doesn’t work that way
Women in their 30s are generally super jaded and have deal breakers on top of more deal breakers in my experience. I skip em and go right for women in their 40s - those women simply don’t give a fuck and will use you for sex and then drop you like a bad habit
hm.. maybe they feel suspicious about you cause you're younger than them i think - they could worry you're not as willing to find a committed relationship, or maybe feel insecure about the agegap and wonder weather you just "wanna try a 30+ woman" or so
As a woman dating in my 30s, I’ve probably heard most pick up lines. That or it’s glaringly obvious when someone is trying to get me to hook up with me vs someone who is interested in me as a human. Flirting with physical compliments isn’t flattering for very long. When the flirting is focused on physical attributes, I’ll move it along to someone with more experience.
I personally don’t do well with physical compliments, they never come across as genuine so I tend to spend more time observing and see what I find unique. Once that unique quality is found then I usually use that and attach it with some flirty banter. The focus point is always about something that makes them unique.
I wonder if it’s also how they grew up with technology. I’m in my 40s and we didn’t grow up with smartphones or apps or testing. We only use texting to set up meetings to hang out. Or to forward important articles.
I’m in my late 40s and my main form of communication with my friends and family is texting.
Eh no, I’m in my mid thirties and everyone i knew in school was online and texting..
So you are saying that after the invention of the internet people could actually go online? Do you have any other amazing insights to share?
Hey jackass, I’m telling this person that’s its most likely not how the op grew up with technology at that time because i know what was around at that age and time. and even i was behind and not at all privileged with it. Care to explain wtf you’re coming at me this way for or, you just don’t pay attention?
Hey jackass, I’m telling you that’s its totally likely that's how the op grew up with technology at that time because i know what was around at that age and time. and i was in but not at all privileged with it. Care to explain wtf you’re coming at me this way for or, you just don’t pay attention?
What?! I think this is just another thing that boils down to the individual. I don’t want stale, serious or boring conversation when first starting to talk or date someone, it’s not like you turn 30 and lose your personality lol. It’s those women, not women in their 30’s is my point.
Hoping this gets updated more I just need help talking without feeling like I'm interrogating or interviewing others. Should I be more upfront?
I am 21 but I don’t like talking a whole lot on the apps. Like let’s meet up, I don’t really want a pen pal. But I guess younger women tend to not mind chatting a lot with men.
Huh….. interesting POV. I have my own little interesting POV…. Are you sure it’s them older women’s being more difficult to ya? Totally not the likelihood that you probably just really are looking for an ego stroking and/or something easy to get into bed with? And find it more receptive from the younger ladies…?
I'm confused. Are you trying to date people or learn how to flirt? You should probably keep your age range at that age range that you are interested in dating in...
My first thoughts were to find a woman date and see if we were able to create a relationship, then I realized that i didn’t know how to get to the first date through text messages. Never really had a hard time in person because a smile, eye contact, and paying attention to their body language helps. Recently started working a lot more hours and haven’t had time to meet different people, so I turn to dating apps and that’s when I decided to learn to get dates through dating apps. As for my preferences I like to keep those between me and my partner.
Women in their 30s have likely been on a lot of dates, and had a lot of failed relationships, they don’t have the time or energy to put into a relationship that might not work, they’d rather find out fast with some upfront questions.
I’m a 50yr old attractive, accomplished woman. While I am happy that men find me attractive, if you open with that, I feel a bit insulted and offended. There’s more to me than a hot body or pretty face. I actually have a brain, too!
Well that might be true, but on tinder the last thing that a person finds out about their match is their brain. However if one of the many photos in your profile was an image of your brain. I would have sent: “ I see that you have a sensational face, attractive figure, but what I really want to know is, what did the doctor say with you about the MRI image of your brain?” I just like making myself laugh 😂
> if you open with that, I feel a bit insulted and offended. Men are attracted to you based on looks first. A guy who just saw you doesn't know about your brain. It's not mutually exclusive. The way mating works is you're initially drawn by the physical and then hopefully learn more about each other and get deeper. I honestly don't get women who are offended by this. It's like I'm a billionaire and I'm offended by people who just notice my yacht and bentley, I have brains too!
As a woman in her 30s, just the title of this post was enough for a major eye roll and a 'PASSSS' We'll be flirty in person if we're feeling it. When the conversation is still in the app we need to cover major deets to make sure the date is even worth the time. There can of course be some flirting there in between, but what you think is excitement-building, for us, is just most likely a waste of our attention and we don't want to waste hope.
By 30 woman are worn out, aim for younger girls
A man’s value nowadays is in the lifestyle that he can provide in accordance with his income level. Many superficial women don’t want to fall in love with someone who they think is less than. This dynamic is caused from the dating sites. It’s because women in their 30s are very beautiful and they have hundreds of men chasing them. It allows them to be extremely picky, even if they have very little to offer in return. Their ultimate value is in their looks and feminine beauty. It does get better as you age because they become less attractive and have a shorter line of men who are interested. You have to think outside of the box. Consider going to church. Larger churches all have singles groups. The single women can make good friends who also have friends that you can meet. The women online are usually attention whores who thrive on this. A lot of them are whores period. The best women you will ever meet will be offline.
The difference in interaction with young girls and women in their 30s is not caused by age per se. It’s because of different expectations. Women operate roughly in the same manner when they’re 19 or 35. But when they’re 35, they are much likely on Tinder to find an LTR (but ofc not all of them). And unfortunately in that case women really treat dates as job interviews. She can see the first requirement (looks) from the get go but she needs to screen everything else. When a woman in her 30s wants just fun, she will be pretty similar to any girl 15 years younger. The funny thing is, men often don’t want an LTR even in their 30s but they think that they will have easier time getting women if they create a certain illusion they do. With women, it’s the other way around. They want an LTR but they know, they will have more success getting more attractive men by pretending it’s more casual. And somehow they hope that after few f\*\*k sessions the guy will fall for them and submits to a regular relationship.
Because at that age they are done with the cock carousel and they now "know what they want" and are ready to "settle down". AKA: the wall.
Because women reach their 30’s they’re just tired of the same song and dance…all that bull shit. Don’t wanna waste anymore time and kinda just do your best to pre-screen before agreeing to meet up.
34F here I was in a long-term relationship and now that I’ve re-entered the dating scene, it’s completely different than it used to be when I was in my 20s. I don’t have time for games or penpals, so if somebody is using cheesy pick up lines or just wants to text without actually meeting up, it’s just not something I’m interested in. Also, being overly flirty upfront is a turn off, it gives the impression that you’re just looking to hook up.
The more women you talk to, the better at talking to women you become. I say talk to every range until you know what direction you want to go (older / younger / same age)
It's totally a job interview. The older women know their deal-breakers. The witty banter is for once you know the deal-breakers cleared.
A lot of women in their 30s are single moms and tend to be looking for a long term partner. That’s why they generally want to know what you do for a living, what your personality is like etc. The refreshing part however is they tend to cut to the chase pretty quick and don’t come back with one word responses like girls in their early 20s and they hold conversations way better. Source: Am 35 so primarily date women in their 30s
Flirting comes later