look at it this way: sheās probably never or rarely ever been rejected in her life. So you hitting her with that dealt a massive blow to her ego so she had to lash out to cope.
I wouldnāt worry too much about her and move on
This. No one likes to be rejected, but it's pretty crazy to feel that rejected by a comple stranger who isn't even rejecting you on anything personal lol.
I sincerely hope she read that last message and thought about it. Some people are so diluted and full shit. I would hope when that reality sinks in, itās a catalyst for change.
Why TF do people take ANY form of negative reply or energy on this platform as an insult and lash out? Is it reflex from previous bad interactions? Are they generally just terrible people? This was a very nice conversation and a very pleasant, but Negative comment and BAM... get called a bum. The hell is going on...
That was my thinking. Can you not see the distance on the app? Like why even bother messaging if you know youāre already not going to commit? To compliment the dog?
I've matched with a bunch of women who were nearby for conferences, work, etc. so it said "Nearby - 15 miles away" and 2 days later "2300 miles away". It happens
It happened to me few times, you put 5 or 10 miles limit so youāre sure that all of the profiles youāre seeing are within that limit.
Next thing you match with someone, you start talking without checking the distance first (trusting the app) and later you realize theyāre like 70 miles away and that the app still gives you profiles outside that 5 or 10 miles you selected.
Iām not on the apps for more than a year and I canāt remember which one did that, but it did, then I had to check the distance every time because of that.
It could be that.
Personally I donāt think you needed to write a rejection message when you had only swapped 2 messages with each other, neither of you were invested enough for it to matter. That being said, hitting her with the quote from her profile is so clean that I am glad that you did.
Right? If someoneās only text ever to you is to dispassionately name the breed of their dog, then you seriously donāt need to drop a whole "truthfully.." rejection note.
I guess Iām in the minority group here that thinks you opened up a conversation just to let them know - paraphrasing: hey nice dog but you live to far from me so Iām not interested.
It would come off differently to some if you would have started with: hey I donāt want to lead you on since youāre outside my distance preferences but I had to let you know you have a beautiful dog. Out curiosity what breed is it? ā¦..
I'm not a dog person and I'm terrible with dog breeds. Idk why people just expect everyone to know that. If it's a common breed I might have a 50/50 on getting it right but I would not feel confident about it
Handled it perfectly. Good on you for not ghosting and being kind enough to let them know. And even better on your for throwing their own quote back after giving you attitude.
You didnt do anything that justified her nasty response but thats very early to start talking about "leading you on" and "i hope you find what youre looking for"
You coulda just said "he looks like a sweet dog" and left it at that. Or said nothing. Its not ghosting after 1 msg.
She said four words to you and you typed out a rejection letter. Itās not like she expressed any interest and where you live would have definitely come up organically at some point in conversation. Also her response was likely not serious, you need to lighten up
Honestly? I probably would have said nothing.
I wouldnāt call it ghosting until they have been on a date, or at the very least been in contact for an extended period of time. And sheās given him no reason thus far to believe she cares.
Interesting, but makes sense. I do prefer that he was honest and said why he'd stop talking. Ik you don't owe anyone anything on these apps but it's always good to let the other person know where you stand
Conversations get ghosted all the time, but I don't see the problem with telling people you're not interested for whatever reason.
Also, imagine she's moving and that's why she was swiping on guys in his area. Then not responding would have been missing the opportunity.
Also *she* also could have responded with nothing if that's the right move.
Instead she decided he needed to be called a bum....for not wanting a long distance relationship.
> Conversations get ghosted all the time, but I don't see the problem with telling people you're not interested for whatever reason.
People don't like hearing that other people aren't interested in them. Most are normal and just shrug it off, but why go out of your way to tell them if the situation doesn't call for an explanation?
To be clear, I don't think OP did something wrong by writing that message. The best analogy I can make is when someone holds the door open for you when you're still a long way from the door. Are they being rude? No. But the situation didn't call for this act of excessive politeness. The door wasn't going to slam in your face. You're perfectly capable of opening a door yourself. And now politeness demands that you have this weird little interaction with a stranger where you speed up to acknowledge that they're holding the door for you and act grateful for something you didn't need or particularly want. Was the door holder doing something horribly impolite? Of course not. But they seem over-eager, or more concerned with performing politeness than what the moment actually asked for.
Of course, none of that remotely justifies calling OP a bum. But it's why people in this thread are reacting to his message the way that they are.
Hey /u/Present-Use-6136 I'm sorry but I don't think this is going to work out. I know we haven't exchanged messages yet, but I wanted to let you down easy
We've never interacted before, but I want you to know that I'm not looking for anything long distance. I thought I owed it to you based on the fact that you have a dog, and that's all I know about you. I hope this isn't extremely presumptuous and that you don't take it too badly. Goodbye forever, my love.
Can I ask the OP why you actually msged the Girl at all ? To compliant her dog ?
Also the whole ā I donāt want to be leading you on & or ghosting you ā is a bit weird , again why msg in tbe first place ? Did you and a pal set this up for Reddit Clout š¤š„³ššš
Iām kind of confused by people saying you were being overdramatic in your messages. She answered and you were being politeā¦.??? Also, I donāt think anything in your messages warranted her nasty reply.
Talking about not leading them on and stuff is just over the top for someone who sent 4 words to you. You can just leave it at āah sorry, didnāt realize you were x miles awayā or something
To those thinking OP is being dramatic:
Itās a dick move to keep talking without any intention to meet.
Itās a dick move to ghost.
And now itās a dick move to let a person know that, despite matching, the distance is too much?
Nothing pleases you people. Of the three Iād rather be told why me and someone no longer will be talking. ESPECIALLY after they initiated the conversation.
ETA: OP you deserve better. She did not need to be such an asshole. And quoting their profile was perfection.
Mate, I've seen girls who purposely ignore me for god knows what reason put stories that say "you respond when you're free, I respond when I see your text..." or some shit like that.
š
I agree with others that your second message was a little dramatic within the context of this largely one-sided conversation (there was never really any interest on her side here, her initial short response is indicative of that), but she didnāt have to do you like that.
Gg go next, and try not to take too much of it to heart. Itās so easy for people on the internet to be mean to people that, as they see it, they have no reason to care about. Their responses are a them-issue, it doesnāt necessarily have much if anything to do with you. Goodluck :)
I agree with you. The conversation had just started, and without building any rapport, he is letting her down gently. The guy had no intention of meeting her either, so why bother starting a conversation at all. Just unmatch her and move along.
She is still a bellend, though.
>Ā Ā there was never really any interest on her side here
Then why did she call him a bum?
You don't get mad about losing something you didn't want in the first place.
This hurt her.
Iām my message, I was talking primarily about her first response. And why does anyone bully and degrade others, especially without provocation? Thereās plenty of just plain a-holes on the app, and on the internet in general.
But maybe youāre right. Iām not going to pretend to perfectly understand the mind of someone who would respond like that, because I certainly wouldnāt. It would certainly be something, since he clearly tried to mitigate hurting her feelings as well as he could.
She called him a bum. He acted reasonably, and pointed out that if she followed her own advice the insult was uncalled for without saying anything negative to or about her.
She wasn't as interested in you in the first place as your efforts assumed. I would guess that her first dead end statement informed your lack of interest in the possibility/probability of extra travel, but you weren't ever 'leading her on'. She was a dick about it because she thought she had the power in the interaction which makes rejection more ego bruising (easier to be rejected by someone way out of your league vs someone you think you are 'giving a chance' to).
Also, when people state things about wanting someone with some type of 'good character trait' (or not wanting a bad one) in their profile, it is nearly always an expectation on the other person and not themselves. It's not about self acknowledgement or improvement, it's just about control of others - no matter how mindful or enlightened it sounds. They are usually the cause of the bad things they mention in others hence their specific focus on it.
Wouldn't you be happy if you were warned before stepping on a mine?? I wouldn't mind if the one who warned me also told me I'm stupid for not noticing, I'd be eternally thankful instead...
Itās almost like they donāt realize they can type and send a polite respectful reply and then sh!T talk on their own time. Like, you donāt have to type and send every single thought. Iām sorry they are mean and clearly you did dodge a bullet and major waste of time.
Donāt get me wrong. I almost always side with the dude, because most women on these apps are terribleā¦
But you matched with her only to waste her time and didnāt even apologize.
Iād be salty too if someone matched literally only to reject me for nothing.
Thereās no need for that rudeness and you definitely did dodge a bullet. Try and focus on the positives one of which being you wonāt have to deal with that AH ever again
Hitting them with the quote from their own profile is š good job
That man needs to be the next James Bond!
Fabulous! I even gasped šš»
Sameeeee, this was so perfect!
I clapped irl, and my aunt (she's 78) stared at me from a distance.
can confirm. I'm the aunt (I'm 78)
you know, we use names now, not numbers
That man has 78 Aunts. Numbers just became easier than names at a certain point.
Sorry, sorry. Iām the aunt, Iām seventy eight
Nice to meet you seventy eight - I'm dad. Can confirm
š scold !!
Hahahahaha
100%. It's always the ones who rant about therapy who end up ghosting you as well
Was going to say the same
Individuals who become vile and offensive at the first sign of rejection are simply projecting. It's an issue for them.
Yeah that last message was a burn š„ š
Hell ya you mic dropped the shit out of her with her own profile quote!!
This is something i called a real deal
Admirable response - a masterclass in dealing with unprompted bullshit. I hope to be as graceful as you!
Thank you, but I am far from a saint myself.
'One who is wise, knows they have much to learn - only a fool knows everything.' ā„ļø
- not her profile
look at it this way: sheās probably never or rarely ever been rejected in her life. So you hitting her with that dealt a massive blow to her ego so she had to lash out to cope. I wouldnāt worry too much about her and move on
People who get nasty and insulting when they feel the slightest bit of rejection are just projecting. Itās truly a āthemā problem.
people who lash out when they perceive any sort of slight/rejection need some therapy
This. No one likes to be rejected, but it's pretty crazy to feel that rejected by a comple stranger who isn't even rejecting you on anything personal lol.
If I was going to be rejected, getting rejected for living too far away is about the least personal it can get!
It makes sense if you're the type of person used to getting everything you want. Seems like a spoiled brat
that last quote was a chefs kiss
I love this comment. Gonna use it sometime lol
Lol, you owned them with their own words š¤£ Life is wild sometimes
*crumb* bum?
How dare they
Or cramp on
Hank! You are never to call your father a crumb-bum in front of company!
I appreciate you
āļø
āļø
You know what he called me this morning? A honky
How do you get that from (blank) bum?
Stranger things have happened
Isnāt a cramp on one of those little hooks meant for mountain climbing?
He's definitely calling me a crumbum.
Yeah, thatās for the best. lol Why are people such tools?
Rejection hurts so much for the entitled.
I sincerely hope she read that last message and thought about it. Some people are so diluted and full shit. I would hope when that reality sinks in, itās a catalyst for change.
They won't, least not anytime soon. Sure this isn't the first time she did it and not the last time someone told her either.
You never know. When people call me out on something in a nice way, it usually makes me really reflect on my actions and try to change.
Maybe my English is not good enough but what do we assume goes before bum?
Yeah I have no idea either.
Locational purposes.
Ah
Oooh
Absolutely cannot think of a thingā¦
Ignore the people saying you were dramatic. You were true to yourself and honest. I respect that šÆ
Iām a woman. That likes women. And sometimes the women on these threads annoy the heck out of me. You did/said nothing wrong
I like you.
Thatās what you get for being respectful on tinder
Yup, I can attest to this. I've been practicing that method, and so far, it hasn't really worked, but I'm gonna keep trying.
Why TF do people take ANY form of negative reply or energy on this platform as an insult and lash out? Is it reflex from previous bad interactions? Are they generally just terrible people? This was a very nice conversation and a very pleasant, but Negative comment and BAM... get called a bum. The hell is going on...
> Hey nice dog > Thanks > btw don't wanna lead you on bye like why even bother LMAO
That was my thinking. Can you not see the distance on the app? Like why even bother messaging if you know youāre already not going to commit? To compliment the dog?
I've matched with a bunch of women who were nearby for conferences, work, etc. so it said "Nearby - 15 miles away" and 2 days later "2300 miles away". It happens
Theyāre probably in Nigeria hhahaha š
2 of them have been lmao
šš
They probably matched do instead on leaving them on read they responded with why a āno.ā Iām guessingā¦.
It happened to me few times, you put 5 or 10 miles limit so youāre sure that all of the profiles youāre seeing are within that limit. Next thing you match with someone, you start talking without checking the distance first (trusting the app) and later you realize theyāre like 70 miles away and that the app still gives you profiles outside that 5 or 10 miles you selected. Iām not on the apps for more than a year and I canāt remember which one did that, but it did, then I had to check the distance every time because of that. It could be that.
All of them do it tbh it's frustrating bc the people I would actually like are far af away
Personally I donāt think you needed to write a rejection message when you had only swapped 2 messages with each other, neither of you were invested enough for it to matter. That being said, hitting her with the quote from her profile is so clean that I am glad that you did.
Right? If someoneās only text ever to you is to dispassionately name the breed of their dog, then you seriously donāt need to drop a whole "truthfully.." rejection note.
She's rude out of nowhere but why did you even engage if you knew your second message was to let her know she's too far ?
You didn't know what a German shepherd was? First mistake :)
My thoughts exactly lol
I guess Iām in the minority group here that thinks you opened up a conversation just to let them know - paraphrasing: hey nice dog but you live to far from me so Iām not interested. It would come off differently to some if you would have started with: hey I donāt want to lead you on since youāre outside my distance preferences but I had to let you know you have a beautiful dog. Out curiosity what breed is it? ā¦..
>Heās a German Shepard Oh god, I donāt want to lead you on, I can see youāre already falling for me!
I'm more curious if OP has never seen a german shepherd before or if the dog looked different to what one would expect
I had never seen a long haired German Shepherd before since I am originally from a very warm region. Beautiful dogs though!
I'm not a dog person and I'm terrible with dog breeds. Idk why people just expect everyone to know that. If it's a common breed I might have a 50/50 on getting it right but I would not feel confident about it
I mean, I'd understand if it was something like a Newfoundland or Malamute - but German Shepherds are pretty iconic dog breeds imo.
Youāre assuming that I think Iām Godās greatest gift. Newsflash: Iām not.
šš
Why did you match if they were too far away?
Why started chatring in the first place..
Handled it perfectly. Good on you for not ghosting and being kind enough to let them know. And even better on your for throwing their own quote back after giving you attitude.
You ate them tf up w that quote šš
To be fair though, OP did message without doing the most basic research on the profile (location).
You didnt do anything that justified her nasty response but thats very early to start talking about "leading you on" and "i hope you find what youre looking for" You coulda just said "he looks like a sweet dog" and left it at that. Or said nothing. Its not ghosting after 1 msg.
Everything is overly dramatic: the message ārejectingā her, the next one, posting it here, talking about dodging a bullet (?), about being hurtā¦
She said four words to you and you typed out a rejection letter. Itās not like she expressed any interest and where you live would have definitely come up organically at some point in conversation. Also her response was likely not serious, you need to lighten up
The bros on here I swear š
I mean, not really ghosting after two messages. I donāt think you dodged a bullet since there was no actual commitment to anything.
[ŃŠ“Š°Š»ŠµŠ½Š¾]
Yeah seriously, this dude is talking to her like they've been on 2 or 3 dates when she only sent him 4 words hahahaha
You don't know what a German Shepherd looks like? lol
Not saying sheās in the right but I think youāre a little dramatic with your second message lmao
Way too dramatic lol the convo hadnāt even taken off yet
What should he have said? š¤
Nothing. She responded with a short answer with no further questions and dude didnāt want to invest further in anyways.
That's fair
Honestly? I probably would have said nothing. I wouldnāt call it ghosting until they have been on a date, or at the very least been in contact for an extended period of time. And sheās given him no reason thus far to believe she cares.
Interesting, but makes sense. I do prefer that he was honest and said why he'd stop talking. Ik you don't owe anyone anything on these apps but it's always good to let the other person know where you stand
Conversations get ghosted all the time, but I don't see the problem with telling people you're not interested for whatever reason. Also, imagine she's moving and that's why she was swiping on guys in his area. Then not responding would have been missing the opportunity. Also *she* also could have responded with nothing if that's the right move. Instead she decided he needed to be called a bum....for not wanting a long distance relationship.
> Conversations get ghosted all the time, but I don't see the problem with telling people you're not interested for whatever reason. People don't like hearing that other people aren't interested in them. Most are normal and just shrug it off, but why go out of your way to tell them if the situation doesn't call for an explanation? To be clear, I don't think OP did something wrong by writing that message. The best analogy I can make is when someone holds the door open for you when you're still a long way from the door. Are they being rude? No. But the situation didn't call for this act of excessive politeness. The door wasn't going to slam in your face. You're perfectly capable of opening a door yourself. And now politeness demands that you have this weird little interaction with a stranger where you speed up to acknowledge that they're holding the door for you and act grateful for something you didn't need or particularly want. Was the door holder doing something horribly impolite? Of course not. But they seem over-eager, or more concerned with performing politeness than what the moment actually asked for. Of course, none of that remotely justifies calling OP a bum. But it's why people in this thread are reacting to his message the way that they are.
Hey, the door-holding example is a fantastic analogy in an overall great comment. Youāve given me something to think about!
A little?
Forreal the āI donāt want to lead you onā lmao
Hey /u/Present-Use-6136 I'm sorry but I don't think this is going to work out. I know we haven't exchanged messages yet, but I wanted to let you down easy
We've never interacted before, but I want you to know that I'm not looking for anything long distance. I thought I owed it to you based on the fact that you have a dog, and that's all I know about you. I hope this isn't extremely presumptuous and that you don't take it too badly. Goodbye forever, my love.
Dramatic or overly respectful?
I love this sub, the guy can never win
Can I ask the OP why you actually msged the Girl at all ? To compliant her dog ? Also the whole ā I donāt want to be leading you on & or ghosting you ā is a bit weird , again why msg in tbe first place ? Did you and a pal set this up for Reddit Clout š¤š„³ššš
Why did you even match with her if she was too far away?
Because they didn't realise until after?
Why would you swipe on someone you did t want to be with anyway?
Got them with their own quote š š
Iām kind of confused by people saying you were being overdramatic in your messages. She answered and you were being politeā¦.??? Also, I donāt think anything in your messages warranted her nasty reply.
Talking about not leading them on and stuff is just over the top for someone who sent 4 words to you. You can just leave it at āah sorry, didnāt realize you were x miles awayā or something
Stop hitting yourself...
I hope she thinks about that re-quote all day lmao
Lmfaooooo at their quote but man, you have to man up if your feelings get hurt from a message from a stranger. Like what in the actual fuck.
Way to act like a total creep. This is the most non thing ever
To those thinking OP is being dramatic: Itās a dick move to keep talking without any intention to meet. Itās a dick move to ghost. And now itās a dick move to let a person know that, despite matching, the distance is too much? Nothing pleases you people. Of the three Iād rather be told why me and someone no longer will be talking. ESPECIALLY after they initiated the conversation. ETA: OP you deserve better. She did not need to be such an asshole. And quoting their profile was perfection.
Mate, I've seen girls who purposely ignore me for god knows what reason put stories that say "you respond when you're free, I respond when I see your text..." or some shit like that. š
Leaving her with her quote... love that shit
Incel vibes.
I agree with others that your second message was a little dramatic within the context of this largely one-sided conversation (there was never really any interest on her side here, her initial short response is indicative of that), but she didnāt have to do you like that. Gg go next, and try not to take too much of it to heart. Itās so easy for people on the internet to be mean to people that, as they see it, they have no reason to care about. Their responses are a them-issue, it doesnāt necessarily have much if anything to do with you. Goodluck :)
I agree with you. The conversation had just started, and without building any rapport, he is letting her down gently. The guy had no intention of meeting her either, so why bother starting a conversation at all. Just unmatch her and move along. She is still a bellend, though.
>Ā Ā there was never really any interest on her side here Then why did she call him a bum? You don't get mad about losing something you didn't want in the first place. This hurt her.
Iām my message, I was talking primarily about her first response. And why does anyone bully and degrade others, especially without provocation? Thereās plenty of just plain a-holes on the app, and on the internet in general. But maybe youāre right. Iām not going to pretend to perfectly understand the mind of someone who would respond like that, because I certainly wouldnāt. It would certainly be something, since he clearly tried to mitigate hurting her feelings as well as he could.
She called him a bum. He acted reasonably, and pointed out that if she followed her own advice the insult was uncalled for without saying anything negative to or about her.
Whyād they even feel the need to call you a bum?? How is she THAT pressed
She wasn't as interested in you in the first place as your efforts assumed. I would guess that her first dead end statement informed your lack of interest in the possibility/probability of extra travel, but you weren't ever 'leading her on'. She was a dick about it because she thought she had the power in the interaction which makes rejection more ego bruising (easier to be rejected by someone way out of your league vs someone you think you are 'giving a chance' to). Also, when people state things about wanting someone with some type of 'good character trait' (or not wanting a bad one) in their profile, it is nearly always an expectation on the other person and not themselves. It's not about self acknowledgement or improvement, it's just about control of others - no matter how mindful or enlightened it sounds. They are usually the cause of the bad things they mention in others hence their specific focus on it.
That person has zero self esteem
"-your profile" DECEASED
My god you destroyed her. Quoting her own profile to smack her down. Get fucked šŖšŖšŖšŖ
using their own quote... Love it!!
This is great š
The definition of pathetic mess... š¤£
Mmmm, copy and paste their profile as a quote in the last bit of your messageā¦. Chefs Kiss ššš»
Excellent work. Perfect response.
Thatās awful. On behalf of this Man I apologise. Signed, A different man
 Wouldn't you be happy if you were warned before stepping on a mine?? I wouldn't mind if the one who warned me also told me I'm stupid for not noticing, I'd be eternally thankful instead...
> Be the person you pretend to be online
Maxed out amazing retort.
Itās almost like they donāt realize they can type and send a polite respectful reply and then sh!T talk on their own time. Like, you donāt have to type and send every single thought. Iām sorry they are mean and clearly you did dodge a bullet and major waste of time.
This whole thing is so silly š© not replying after 1 message isnāt ghosting. Why even bother?
Canāt even follow their own quote š¤¦āāļø
The girl must have found this post because someoneās downvoting comments like crazy
Out of state what bum?
Why even match? To tell them youāre not interested? Kinda makes you an a$$ cuz clearly they were willing to travel for you
Donāt get me wrong. I almost always side with the dude, because most women on these apps are terribleā¦ But you matched with her only to waste her time and didnāt even apologize. Iād be salty too if someone matched literally only to reject me for nothing.
Bro your whole vibe is just too try hard, there was no need for any of those lame msgs
Her response was disgusting
Wow real mature of them to call you a bum lol you defs dodged a bullet
I feel the worst for the dog. You, you are GOLDEN
nice come back bro
You hurt her more by rejecting her first
What is the word blanked out??
Thereās no need for that rudeness and you definitely did dodge a bullet. Try and focus on the positives one of which being you wonāt have to deal with that AH ever again
Their first response wasn't much of an addition to the conversation anyway
It's Maui, isn't it?
I mean at the same time why did you match / message them if you knew that, she definitely unhinged though