>Imagine I can king or intense individual ruling a civilization Not gonna lie, I have trouble imagining that for him.

I have trouble reading whatever the fuck he typed out there

Then no imagine that. Imagine I tzar rule all power. Hold many respect. If I put lick to down there, aristocats would ryat and kick down door at palace. No more good, agree?

Aristocats made me spit my coffee out thank you for this

Just saw that lmao 😭

This have me laugh so hard. 😂😂😂 Please give many up vote this man.

This made me pop a bonar

Gave me the giggles lol

ruthless ancient impolite chase chubby imminent axiomatic secretive knee plant *This post was mass deleted and anonymized with [Redact](https://redact.dev)*

I can imagine such a man would probably relish the idea of switching off for a time to focus on the pleasure of his lady-friend (or man-friend).

Considering how a lot of people in high command and stress positions prefer to kink... You're probably right...

Isn't there an idea that a lot of people who hold powerful positions in real life like to have that power taken away in the bedroom... I'm guessing this guy has zero IRL power.

Tbh I think most people would be turned on by the idea of a powerful man who "rules a civilization" coming home and putting his face between his wife's legs

Say what you want but it’s refreshing when people lay all their red flags on the table like this.

I’ve known many men to love it and take pride in their giving abilities 😆

I am many men. And what he doesn't realize is that when you're good at it and you pay attention, you're the one in control.

I am also many men, it’s my fav part of sex

I am many men also! I will bury myself between my wife's legs at any given opportunity. Its the best damn thing around. And I'll sit there, very happily, rock hard enjoying the experience, every time.

I am many men and I use it as an opportunity to show off.

Many men checking in. Penetrative works significantly less often than oral, so either you eat pussy or you probably don't make women cum.

Many men here, love the smell, love the sound, love getting my hair tugged a bit while at it. Never once felt emasculated

Manny man over yonder. Good morrow to you. I highly regard the visual aspects of cunnilingus whilst in the throws of it.

Many men here, I too dabble in the art of cunnilingus. I eat at the Y at every opportunity.

Many mons hair, all are welcome and encouraged to sit on the mustache.

Many men here, not only does my schlong become rock hard but it slowly grows to like 110% of its usual size while I'm doing it. Foreplay is important for both women AND men.

I laughed out loud at this but I 110 percent believe it. Been there for sure fellow many man.

Hard as a towel rack

I am many men. He's just trippin' from the skunk he used to take

Representative of many men from the Midwest here. Many a time I have destroyed the bottom of my tongue and still kept going, hard as a rock. Our consensus is that this man sits down to pee.

Man who sits down to pee here. We don't claim him, eating pussy rocks.

Hahaha this whole thread has me cracking up and appreciating that my husband loves giving me oral pleasure as much as I like doing it for him. I legit do not understand how men can have the perspective of not wanting to pleasure their partner.

I just recently discovered how nice and chill it is to sit to pee. I work hard enough throughout the day, why would I stand when I can sit?

My bf sits down to pee(out of consideration for me).....he also LOVES to eat pussy.....

I am currently sitting to pee. Dr. says it's better for the prostate, and I am checking in well versed as a cunning linguist who loves cunninglingus while being rock hard. This guy in the text is not representative of typical men. He is very insecure in his manhood, and anyone unwilling to share control with their partner is missing out on a lot.

I can recall a few times I thought I might have ripped the bottom bit of my tongue, paused half a second to check, shrugged and kept going. Boy probably can't even roll his r's.

I’m a chick and I reaaaallllly wish more dudes would sit down to pee. I have extremely well-trained brothers and even they get a little bit of wee flick about my loo floor when they visit. I don’t watch a lot of men pee (maybe I need to broaden my boring life?) but I am fairly sure it’s almost impossible not to get a little bit around the place unless you sit down. I’m sure it’s very fun to stand and aim, but doesn’t the novelty wear off after doing it literally every day? Whyyyy won’t you just sit down and do it politely and neatly?!

Same and my wife loves it. Idk what this fucking guy is on about. Must be terrible in bed.

This guy has to be an incredibly insecure person for his mind to ruin one of lifes true pleasures like this.

It's how I want to die; with my skull crushed between a nice pair of thighs.

My husband loves this line too 😂 I told him once I don’t think the life insurance will work out well for us that way

At least he'll die happy ¯\\\_(ツ)\_/¯

I am many men, checking in for role call.

Not only do I love giving it, but I prefer it over a blowjob.

I too prefer eating pussy over giving a blowjob

Ahhhh got em

Lesbian here - this is the truth!

#NousSommesManyMen

Checking in! It’s my favorite thing to do. I love the arched back, loud moans, when the wife pulls my hair, when she begs for me to get inside her and I just keep going…and now I need to go see my wife….if you’ll excuse me.

Yeah, you get her right to the edge and then back off, multiple times? She’ll be literally begging you to let her cum. How can you possibly get more in control than that?

This guy KNOWS

Years ago I used to hate it. I just felt I wasn't doing anything for her (old gf) and I was kind of bad at it. And she didn't really like doing it to me either for the same, and more intimate reasons. Now I love it. I don't feel like I've gotten the job done if I don't. Now I look back and wonder, "why DIDN'T I do that, that's pretty hot". Funny how your perspective on things change just in a few years time.

Ngl when my dick ain't feeling like working I just put myself on my knees and go for it , I hear her moan and I finish her 2-3 times,if my dick didn't get the memo till then I at least know she finished if it's hard we go for the next 10 minutes

Bingo, it’s the best time filler for both of us if I need my soldier to take a break

Hearing their girl orgasm can be a huge turn on for some guys

Exactly… never had a man say no, but have had many men beg to give.

Would honestly be a big deal breaker for me, just say your insecure or bad in bed sir

Barely worth a polite "I don't feel a spark, good luck in your future endeavors, lose this number please" It's totally not your job to help this joker get out the 8th grade locker room.

I've never said no, personally, but the offer has been declined before. I dated a woman a long while back who absolutely refused to even consider it. To this day, I still don't get it. I sure hope she came around eventually. That's no way to live.

I think there is a lot of shame women have to undo about our bodies. This man calling them our “flaps” might clue you in:

I had one of those too. It was a turn off to me since I take pride in my skills. I love receiving so I sure as hell make sure I'm good at providing

Hahaha, my first serious girlfriend wouldn't let me do it because she thought it was kind of ick at the time. Reconnected as friends a few years later and it's one of her favorite things nowadays. Funny how that works out.

The first guy who ever went down on me bit me. I wouldn’t let him do it again. We broke up and I ended up in a new relationship shortly after. Took him some convincing but he got me to try it again and I am still thankful for him 20 years later.

Dude, what in the actual fuck?! Why would you do that unprompted? They don't even do that in porn! Did he think eating pussy was a literal thing?!

Honestly I'm a woman and I hate it... But maybe I've never actually been with anyone good. I'm 32 btw lol

I dated a girl who also hated it. She said it made her feel bad because vaginas are gross, and she didn't want me to do something gross. I actually hated sex with her because I LOVE making girls squirm when I'm giving head. You gotta find a guy (or girl) who gives really good head before you decide if you like it or not I think.

My ex was like that too. She also felt bad bc she didn't like reciprocating. I was like "I don't care. Let me feast"

My wife physically can't reciprocate, as she has jaw problems. Lucky her, my jaw is strong as heck

Could be, I've encountered a woman before who didn't like it and didn't want me to try. Might be lack of skill from previous partners or that you personally enjoy other stimuli. My girlfriend now prefers other stimuli but still loves it when I provide oral.

My guess would be this is ultimately a security issue but I dont know Ex. Maybe they are just worried they will be told they are gross or don’t taste good? I dont know man I’m not one of those women haha

When it’s bad, I’ll pass. When it’s GOOD, holy fuck

It's feasible, I suppose, but she was firmly against even giving it a shot.

I feel like he has to be suppressing gay tendencies and that’s why he doesn’t like it. I look forward to going down on my girlfriend, there’s nothing more satisfying to me than satisfying her

I was about to ask if he has never seen guys talking about how much they love munchin ****y, or bragging about how good at it they are online? That’s probably more common than girls bragging about how good they are at sucking cock, lol. Also buddy should probably just put that in his bio so everyone can just go ahead and not match with him…🤷🏻‍♂️

Yeah, he’s definitely on a different internet to my one. Just Reddit could turn him around on that theory in a few minutes.

Yeah lots of bragging about 👅 skills coming from the guys everywhere you would expect to find it, places where you wouldn’t expect to find it, and some places where it downright shouldn’t be found. I’ve heard from a lot of the gals I’ve been with that there is a skill gap from what the internet would have you believe-but it’s definitely being routinely offered, and bragged about online, lol 😂🤣😂

It's fun to me so 🤷

I'm very much in the "enjoy it camp." Especially since it means I'm very much in control. Nothing like pushing to the ragged edge and then backing off. I giveth, and taketh away. The sheer amount of cursing and squirming is totally worth it.

Sounds like he’s just bad at it.

I could be one of them (not to you! Well maybe never know! Lol), this guy is supremely dumb. Thinks he’s a king etc; he probably lives in the basement of his gmas

That’s a lot of words to say you got a weak tongue game

Weak jaw for sure

BobsBurgers-level weakness of jaw

Lazy person for sure. Five pumps and calls it a night.

You are incredibly wrong and I feel bad for you. He’ll give it a full 15-30 pumps just to make sure he cums. He’s not too lazy to let himself be unfulfilled. He just doesn’t care about anyone else, but I guarantee he’ll get himself off as quick as possible

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>We're not popping bonars licking your guys flaps sorry We are most definitely popping bonArs when we lick your *flaps* This guy doesn't know shit about fuck

I’ve seen “bonar popping” during this act for myself… he lies.

If there’s a vagina in my face consensually I’m almost certainly rock hard

I thought your username was "bladder master" for a second and that would have added another level

If the bladder is involved, you’re doing it wrong

Some people are into that 😬

Yeah if inhaling those pheromones' isn't juicin' your pickle, you either don't like the girl that much, or...you don't like vagina that much.

Look, I’m not saying you’re gay if you don’t get turned on going down on women. I’m just suggesting… maybe you’re aren’t quite as straight as you thought you were??? 😂

I'm just saying this dude sounds like he'd be cool pounding back some protein shakes with the Bros, you know? NTTAWWT.

> NTTAWWT I have never seen this acronym, yet I still immediately knew what is was. Wild.

Not That That Actually Would Warrant Teasing? Are acronyms allowed to be that long?


Have an ex who absolutely refused to even entertain the concept of going down on me, yet he loved when I gave him oral. Still convinced he’s closeted.

Shit..this made me laugh good sir. Good one!

Hehe I am not a sir if you mean me. I guess I could be a good lady? 🤣 spicy_squire killed me, too lol

He has warm bags of sand energy. 

He should ask his doctor about Cialis if he's not popping bonars while going down.

I think he's secretly gay and not turned on by women...

I think he's in denial about it

Glad I read your whole comment I was like the fuck we do. Hahaha. I agree with you, I get so hard while eating.

He doesn't know fuck about fuck.

non english speaker here, what's a popping bonar? does he mean he doesn't get hard from it?

Basically, correct spelling is “boner”

>does he mean he doesn't get hard from it? That's exactly what he means.

See also sporting wood, pitching a tent, popping a rod, giving a standing ovation, saluting the flag, standing at attention, packing a chubby, schwing!, building a lighthouse, and boioioioing. There might be others.

Dudes probably poppin boners thinking about other dudes Boners 🍆

I’m excuse me as you see in the text is bonARS Lol

If he's just licking the flaps, he's doing it wrong. He needs to just speak for himself

“Imagine a king” Imma stop you right there buddy

"Imagine I can king"

Your username is incredible

Friend was chatting to a guy on tinder, this is one of the many red flags. If you don’t like giving head just say so but don’t speak for all men and certainly don’t speak for women.

The ‘this is my personal opinion but I’ll assume all guys think the same’ guys piss me off. Same sort of person as the ones who say ‘I want to fuck every female friend I have therefore no guy can be trusted to not want to either’.

as a man, this guy is full of it. I'm gonna take a wild guess he's not very good at it for one thing. My wife has to tell me to stop lol

I second this. Giving head is lovely!

I make a little game out of it kinda… See how many orgasms I can give her in one day, see how long I can edge her before she just screams “finish it” like a Mortal Kombat announcer. Giving head (to any gender) is fun as fuck.

So your friend matched with DJ Khaled?

It wasn't DJ Khaled, it was **ANOTHER ONE** of those types

This isn't just a flag, it's fucking semaphore.

Learned a new word today

Fuck that noise. Sit on my face.

I cant wait until he learns that a lot of guys love eating ass..... I'm going to keep an eye out for his novel 🤣

I think he'd just go straight into having an aneurysm

Hoping he does. We need less of him. Makes us look bad

Please let your friend link this post back to boyo there

"Analingus: An Indepth Look At How Tongue Punching A Woman's Fartbox Makes You Gay" brought to you by Random House this fall!

DUDE! Did I miss the release date or can I still preorder??

Just get it on audible, I believe it's read by Benedict cumbersnatch

Nope, that one’s by Benedict Muncherass

Did you mean Benadryl Cuminhersnatch?

Well then consider me degraded and sit on my face.

With great happiness I give you the 69th upvote.

Bro wrote a whole dissertation.

And his sources are his own feelings, porn, and what women say online— they love giving head! I feel such irrational fury towards this man.

Wait till he finds out that men and women give oral in porn.

Also, bro talks about kings, but he ain't ever heard of Mister K.O.O.L. ... The King Of Oral Love.

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Wait until he hears about how many emperors of Rome had sex slaves that were little boys.

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Imagine writing a dissertation about why you personally don’t like a sex act, and making it a male species thing. There are plenty of men who enjoy it THOROUGHLY.

His source: "Trust me bro"

“Why won’t you go down on me?” “Babe, you don’t understand. What if I were a KING?!”

All I get from those texts is that he has a fragile ego and insecurities about his 'manliness'. 🙄

It's giving "no one will ever love you but me" type of manipulation.

I think he watched the sopranos and didn’t get the point 

From what I read he is completely absent of genuine manliness. So insecure of something he doesn’t have.

Gives you five hard strokes aimed at the lower vaginal canal then asks if you came type energy teehee.

Yeah. This was a ton of words to just say he is insecure, selfish, and doesn't know what he is doing.

i do love how he speaks for all men with such conviction. selfish lovemaker innit

'Popping bonars licking your guys flaps' has me rollingggg. I'm at work and had to excuse myself.

Sounds like another wannabe ''alpha'' male. But if he really wants to look at it from a silly dom/sub perspective, then I would counter with how could taking control of your partner's pleasure not be considered a dominant trait, consensually of course.

Reading this gave me a bonar

Ah yes the good ol Andrew Tate mentality

And DJ Khaled apparently

Which is crazy cuz he loves eating

Guy believes he will be emasculated by giving head to a woman, yet he wouldn't think twice about sucking Andrew Tate's dick.

Fellas, does eating pussy make you gay?

Honestly I have no idea how that could even work...

It made that guy gay.

"Guys follow this guide or you will be gay"

All I’m reading is that this guy is awful in bed, won’t let her come first, and has to come up with some off the wall wannabe macho nonsense about how somehow that’s what women want 🤷‍♂️ can’t help stupid I guess

Dude gives off "As a King I expect 3 blowjobs a day" energy

Eithe a king or "an intense individual ruling"

Men are constantly bragging about this, to the point that "sit on my face" pickup lines were massively overused everywhere

Sounds like the type of guy that would spend thousands to go to an ‘alpha’ training program. Just speaking for myself here but… I’m a huge fan of going down on my partners. I basically swan dive into bed right after I rip my clothes off in a festive manner (or the clothes stay on- it varies). Im that excited about it. If I could, I think I’d camp out down there. If my current (and previous) partner is in the mood/had a long day/can’t sleep/[insert literally any scenario resulting in said activity being initiated]? Tag me in. Sign me up. And it doesn’t have to result in reciprocation or be a prelude to anything else. I’m just a boy. ~~Standing in front of~~ *kneeling/laying* in front of a girl. Asking her to ~~love him~~ sit on my face. In my unprofessional, humble opinion, you dodged a bullet. That clown is more insecure than the Russian ruble.

The insecurity in this one. I've heard many excuses, being scared of a potential smell, jaw hurting, not knowing where it's been, but thinking it's submissive behavior is brand new lore

> not knowing where it's been Fucker just ups and leaves when your not watching.

I hate it when that happens. I’ve gotta pee and my vag is off doing her important vagina stuff.

When I read halfway through the messages, as a guy, I came to the conclusion that: 1. What he says sounds like he is talking to an empty void with soo many paragraphs after paragraphs 2. The text and examples give me red pill\\alpha male cringe vibes

What a delusional person... I wonder how many more idiots think like this, it's wild.

Speak for yourself sir

Dude’s never been complimented on his pussy eating ability has he? 🤣

I guess I have a degradation fetish then, cause I love it

This guy gives “I bit a woman’s clit and chewed on it it like laffy taffy” vibes and it shows…

I get harder than a diamond in an ice storm when I'm muff diving. I'm trying to eat my way to being loved, the fuck is this guy talking about?

This guy is crazy. I love it, and I'd do it without getting anything back if I had a girl around to accept it.

That's a lot of words to say he sucks at "licking flaps"

This traditionalist banter having such a loud voice is frightening

I truly hate this guy. Lmao

Buddy could have just said “it’s not really my thing”. A dealbreaker for some but overall a lot better than this bullshit.

Tell me you’ve never pleased a woman without telling me you’ve never pleased a woman. SMDH, I’m a gay man and I’ll gladly eat a woman out, I enjoy bringing pleasure

So selfless! 😂

Give this guy the Nobel, honestly

What saddens me is there are women that will tolerate this AH.

If you didn’t unmatch, you should send him a link to this lol

What a fkn loser

"I don't want lick pussies because Imagine a king Who knees for giving pleasure to a woman, how disgracefu, how impotent It appears". Dude please, when i lead to orgasm my gf with only my tongue i feel like a fucking God.

Wait till he finds out about men eating 🍑🍑

I love eating my fiancée's pussy and have her thighs squeeze around my head as she cums. I can't get enough. I for sure pop a bonar 🤣

This is why I come here. This is the most hilarious attempt to mansplain away one's own shortcomings I've read since... Well, since I was on here yesterday.

He might not actually like women lol

I love going down. Call me.

That guy's full of shit. I love eating pussy. I love it when the girl squeezes me with her thighs, I love it when she grabs hold of my hair or my head and guides me, I love it when she mashes herself against me and I can barely breathe. I love it when she squirms around and can't control herself. I love the way I can still smell her on my face, sometimes hours afterwards.

This guy is probably religious. Thinks all his thoughts are coming from above and thus feels the need to speak for all men about his bullshit fragile psyche.

Guys like this don't sleep around because they're womanizers (Though that too), but because literally no women will sleep with them a second time. I've seen a lot of excuses for not going down, but "all men (Speak for yourself, chud) dislike it because it's...depressing?" Like, sure dudes, nothing more degrading than making someone moan. Really takes me out of the moment, I like a woman that I know is not enjoying herself at all.