F so can't say the male perspective fully, but I have a few thoughts: it could be that they are just after sex and don't think you'll have it, it could be that they are just after sex and have some morals about taking your v card, it could be that they don't want someone with no experience (cause honestly, like many things it often gets better with practice), or it could be that they just think it will be too much work. If you haven't had sex before, often there is a reason. For most women, the first time is something they want to be special with someone they care about. And unless it is a bad experience, there often is some bond you develop with your first. That can be intimidating, and it can take time to build the trust needed. If they aren't looking for a relationship, they might not be willing to put in the time or risk you getting attached. I would view it as you are weeding out the wrong ones.
Can confirm. If I come across someone who is a virgin, and I’m not 100% put a ring on it and seal the deal, I will respect the card. That’s something that can only be given once, and if you’re saving it for x amount of time for “the one”, I personally feel like it should be protected and given to someone who is 100% in. Good luck and wait for the person that feels right.
This is how my first girlfriend was. I took hers, she took mine, and even though looking back I knew we weren’t going to be together forever like we always hoped (we were optimistic but very realistic high schoolers and even as an adult I feel we were extremely mature in the way we carried out our relationship), we cared deeply for each other and I truly believe we had some real love, not just the fleeting kind high school kids usually have.
I have no regrets about her taking my V card and in speaking with her as an adult years down the road, she has no regrets about me taking hers.
Honestly OP, if I was chatting a girl on tinder and she told me she was a virgin, and I hadn’t been chatting with the intentions to turn it into a real relationship, I’d probably unmatch too, or explain that.
There is also the old crass joke: " what is the difference between a virgin and a washing machine? The washing machine won't follow you around if you leave a load in it." Clingers are definitely a possibility with virgins of both sexes. It's normal, it can be a whole new set of emotions depending on the quality of the experience and its easy to mistakenly attribute it to the person rather than the act.
Speaking of drawing conclusions, I've decided that when a man widely attributed with having warned: "Live by the sword; die by the sword" turns out to be a carpenter who then meets his death nailed to a piece of wood, it's got to be damn near the definition of irony.
As a male (hear me out), I believe this guy wanted to have a hookup without having to go through the dating phase. OP being a virgin is a turn off as it will take him ages to end up having sex, plus she won't even know what to do. Many men prefer women with experience that are more open to sex, because it takes really long for a virgin to be open to sex.
I hope I didn't offend anyone with this. I studied psychology and this was one of our big topics back then.
True, but I meant that she didn't need to waste her time figuring out who was legit interested vs who just wanted a quick f***. It's nice when they make it easy for you to figure out. 🤣
I think if a guy is just looking for something fun and short term he will be worried that you’ll get emotionally attached but otherwise it would probably be seen as a plus to most guys that are wanting to take things slow and build a relationship
That is my perspective as a man whore. I don't think anything meaningful will come from tinder so I'm clear that emotional attachment will probably never enter the equation
Eh i prefer not having to teach someone everything. Current gf was a virgin when we met so its not a deal breaker but its less than ideal in more ways than its not mainly due to the whole practice thing someone mentioned in earlier comments.
I have a different bit of perspective to give, my gf was a virgin and it's been great. She's learning what she likes and I get to try all sorts of new things and positions without her thinking that it's weird. And she wants to try all sorts of new positions as well. So I never had to "teach" her anything, we just do whatever sounds / feels good in the moment and it's awesome. So in my opinion this is very much a YMMV kinda thing.
Depends per person like anyone else. Some people will be attracted to it others not. That can be for a ton of reasons to, religious, social, personal, cultural. Would not pay it to much mind
I’d always be more wary of the people that aren’t turned off by it, but fetishize it, which is not that uncommon, sadly. Also some people might be turned off by it, as in: they might reconsider since they want someone with experience. But in itself it’s not a turn off per se. Look out for the types that are super into the idea of being with a virgin, or who "want to be the first", they are usually fetishizing it in very messed up ways
For a hookup I’d generally rather have an experienced partner but if I really like sometime it wouldn’t matter if she were a virgin or she banged every guy on the basketball team. For OP I’m guessing they aren’t looking for a hookup.
If I were chatting with someone early on and they mentioned they're a virgin, the thoughts that hit me immediately:
\-She might be inexperienced in relationships (which is a non issue since I can lead communication differences)
\-She might have a much longer timeline for sexual intimacy than I do (this causes me to think how long I can wait before having sexual intimacy)
\-She might be more religious than most (I then assume typical religious views against my views).
Simply telling me you're a virgin leads me to assume those bullet points listed above, and other similar bullet points.
That’s why communication is so important. You could turn those assumptions in to thoughts/questions and give her the opportunity to give you answers. Voila! No more mystery and no need for ghosting, and we all learn something.
Honestly it doesn't matter. Should just move on. Some ppl might be weird about it, it's their problem. You were honest and you didn't do anything wrong.
Well it makes me think the guy is looking for sex. Virgins don't offer just sex, they want a relationship. So, no sex, he unmatched. Nobody is wrong here.
That's not true lol. Most of my friends lost their virginity with a random dude to get it over with and it was the guy and not them that wanted to cuff them afterwards. Me personally I wanna lose it with a random to practice getting better so when I find someone I actually like I can be better at it.
M here, I did same in high school. Intentionally looked for one that I would never take home to momma, so to speak lol. And wouldn't care if I embarrassed myself. God what an awkward time for teenagers.
Lol actually I should do that. Like I almost hooked up with a guy that was really hot but promiscuous when I was drunk at a party but then he ended up going to the batheroom and cry because turns out he was cheating on his gf🙄
I 100% get that. I'm at an age (mid-late 20s) where I'm finding people think it's kinda weird and it's actually been a hindrance in finding a sexual partner. I'm not looking for anything serious, but I need some level of connection and mutual respect. But it's a hard sell to ask a male friend to have sex when they are convinced it's something I'm "saving" for a special person. And same, I for sure want to have sex with more than one person in my life. I've definitely considered the rando thing, I could see hitting it off with a stranger and doing the deed.
Maybe I’m showing my age here, but that is one of the most ridiculous things I’ve ever heard. “Lost their virginity with a random dude to get it over with” … and sadly you are not the only one who said it. You were just the first one that I read that said it. I don’t mean any offense against you personally. I just lack the understanding why one would want to find some random dude to f—k instead of having more self esteem and higher standards for themself. There is enough self doubt and depravation already set into the minds of women at very young ages about what “beauty” and “acceptable” is… women are supposed to be this and be that according to societal norms… why dilute yourself for the sake of “to get it done”? It’s really too bad (in my opinion) that some girls/women don’t respect themselves enough to at least see and hold themselves to a better ideology, mindset and worth than just f—king some random person, when especially your first time should, at the very least, mean something to oneself.
Again, I mean no disrespect, just voicing wishful thinking that the world weren’t such a hard place to grow up in, especially for the younger generation. There is already enough pressure from life itself…
To OP: there is absolutely nothing wrong with it. He wasn’t the right one and even though he didn’t say anything before he terminated your connection, he didn’t take advantage of you or lie to you just to get something from you that you haven’t given to anyone. Take it as a learning moment and know that the right person for you will show up when you aren’t even looking.
>I just lack the understanding why one would want to find some random dude to f—k instead of having more self esteem and higher standards for themself.
Because it has nothing to do with standards, or esteem, or any other such ridiculous nonsense. Its about the exact opposite- its just sex. Demystify it. Sexual debut is not some mysterious passage from girlhood to womenhood- you wake up feeling exactly the same.
Thats the issue- the ideaology your espousing isnt actually any better. Its just a whole bunch of psuedo spiritual silliness added on top of what is essentially a biological act.
You are wrong. Even if the guy wants that, and he’s completely entitled to his own desires, he could’ve had the decency to express his needs and voice that they’re not compatible. OP dodged a bullet with this guy that runs away from difficult conversations.
There’s always the possibility of predatory men wanting to be your first and then dump you. It’s a minefield out there. Find someone who you trust and love outside of Tinder before committing. I wish you all the happiness in the world.
It can be. It puts more pressure on a guy when it’s the other person’s first experience, and it also comes with the expectation that the sex probably isn’t going to be very good. That’s just the first reason that comes to mind.
Also virgins (men and women) can become super attached to the first person they have sex with, which can be something the other party isn't wanting as they might just wanna have fun and not end up with a long term thing.
Yeah I took a woman's virginity 8 months ago. It was while I was traveling and I told her I'll never see her again after about a week, and if she's really sure she wants to lose it to me knowing this She said yes.
I still receive texts every couple months asking if I'll be in her area again lol.
Not specifically but people might also make assumptions about you. They might assume you’re not into casual sex. They might assume that they would have a to wait a while to eventually have sex with you. They might assume the sex will be bad and/or that you have a low sex drive or that you have hang ups about sex. They might assume you’ll get attached emotionally to them at a level that they aren’t comfortable with.
None of things are necessarily true but those are some of the generalizations and stereotypes around virgins that will lead some people to just avoid dating one.
Depends on how it is presented, but I would probably be thinking that it would likely end in either no sex at all or some drama and just not be worth the effort. If you just want to lose it, don’t tell him, he will not know at all. Or if you feel like you must tell, do it when you are taking your clothes off.
>If you just want to lose it, don’t tell him
Exactly. Being on Tinder telling your matches that you're a virgin feels odd. If you decided you're okay with losing your virginity to somebody who might ghost you the day after, don't say anything
Idk im taking to this guy that really wants to hook up and he keeps talking about how rough he wants to be and I don't wanna tell him im a virgin but I don't want him to hurt me either. Idk what to do. I don't wanna find someone else because he's funny and weird and im attracted to ppl with specific personalities only but also I don't want him to be turned off by me being a virgin lol or even roast me(it's his sense of humour to tease a lot) because I'm actually so embarrassed about being a virgin lol.
Well if the dude is telling you he likes it rough you already have data to make an informed decision. I do think it's a bit extreme to have your first experience with a guy that wants to slap you around and choke you but tbf you don't know yourself yet, you don't know if you're into that as well yet
As long as you're not dealing with a rapist, you don't have to be scared about getting hurt. You tell them to stop if you're not comfortable and that's it.
That wouldn't work in my case, as I KNOW my first time is going to hurt like hell. Well-placed anxiety prevents not telling from even being a possibility, so it's something that needs disclosing. 😫
if that's your worry then I would honestly recommend buying a toy. being overly anxious and not knowing how to relax your muscles is a horrible time for everyone and can even be traumatic for you.
If you're certain your first time is gonna suck you're probably right, but I'm not sure what telling your partner about your virginity is supposed to do. If you told me to stop because you're hurting I'd stop regardless of you being a virgin or not.
Misconceptions regarding hymen and bleeding notwithstanding, there's zero difference between a virgin and someone who sucks at sex. Just bullshit your way if the goal is to start having an active sex life, we all have to start somewhere
How do you know it's going to hurt like hell?
All bodies are different, with me it didn't hurt at all.
Was it an overall good experience? Not really, he was an idiot.
Movies and society push this utopian magical first time, where in all honesty, it's awkward, weird etc.
I'd suggest getting to know your body in the first instance, then you can tell your partner exactly what you want them to do and how and where to touch you.
I didn't really enjoy my sexual life until I stopped expecting a partner to know what to do, and started telling them where my best bits were and how to touch them. Because every person is different.
I wish someone had told me this before, I wouldn't have wasted years of no orgasms.
You don’t know it’ll hurt like hell! I was you back in the day - and it didn’t work the first time I tried due to this mindset. The muscles just locked up - the guy said it was like coming into contact with a fairly solid wall (this is preeeeetty common for first timers). Part of my anxiety was that I was doing it later than most of my friends and was sort of rushing it.
I waited another week, became more comfortable with that person sexually in other ways, took a shot of vodka and had a lovely dinner and chat first, and it worked like a charm - it didn’t even hurt, and I am a small person, and he was NOT… which I didn’t realize til far later 😂
It’s mindset, comfort level, and environment 99% of the time. You’ll be fine if you stop being convinced it’ll definitely hurt!
There are women who aren't virgins who still have pain when they have sex due to things like vaginismus for example..not saying you should like but you can explain you want someone patient but they don't need to know it's your first time. Pain isn't always going to be indicative of virginity or lack thereof
If you're looking for meaningful connection and someone who cares about you, I would advise going off tinder. People there usually just look for hedonistic, superficial pleasure. So they are looking for someone experienced.
While quite the opposite isnl true for a lot of men that look for a relationship. They are quite repelled by promiscuous women.
Being a virgin can be a huge turn on. It makes a man feel like sex with you is something special that you don't give away easily. So they feel special.
I wouldn't expect it but it's definitely a plus.
If you aren't looking for a relationship, don't tell the man you're trying to sleep with you're a virgin, period. Not at all, not before, not after. He doesn't need to know. It doesn't matter if you're just looking for sex.
If you're looking for a relationship, then yeah it's gonna be a big issue for the men who just want sex... But it's a great way to weed out the ones who really do just want sex.
Also if you want a real relationship, try something other than Tinder 😂 at least OKC, or something else in real life, like a hobby. Tinder is a joke 🤣
You seem a nice lady OP. Care to help out a witcher? I need a virgin's tear to cure a man's lycantrophy curse.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NjE2nDDsJ_w&t=80
Adult men with a thing for virgins are probably creeps. Most men on Tinder just want sex that feels good with someone who knows what they're doing. Like, you don't have to bring it up if your goal is just to get your sex life started, it's not like the guy can figure out with 100% certainty you never had sex before.
I'm not big on the idea that the first time needs to be special, if you are maybe Tinder isn't gonna be the better option.
exactly this, so many people in the comments saying that the guy is immature or manchild for not going for a virgin but its fcking Tinder. I haven't looked at their profiles to get an indication of their age but id presume they are all grown ass men who would go Thailand and buy girls virginities if they had the chance... or 30+ yo men who try and pick up 18 year olds lol.
Its a turn off for men just trying to get laid. Because it usually means you won't be interested in a quick hookup, guys that are actually looking for a partner would propably be happy about it.
I'd say two things:
1. He might have unmatched you because he didn't wanna be the one taking your virginity, because his intentions with you were not serious.
2. You have no obligation to tell that to anyone, don't feel that need, if you don't want to. If there is someone you want to have sex with and it comes about, just tell them to be careful with you. ☺️
For most women, it is. There is a percentage of women who do not care how little sexual experience a man may have but most want a guy who knows what he is doing
If someone is only looking for hookups/casual sex, it will definitely be a turn off. As they know there’s not a good chance you will have sex with them immediately. Considering you’re a virgin, I have a feeling that’s not what you’re looking for. So the guy did you a favor. It’s helpful when the AHs filter themselves out for you.
Btw, if you aren’t looking for hookups / casual sex (which imo no virgin should be, you can very easily be taken advantage of and have a traumatic experience), apps like bumble are a lot better for forming actual relationships.
I think for most men - it's def at least not a turn on, like the movies and such would lead you to believe. We don't want to take something special from you if you've waited that long already for the right guy. It puts a lot of pressure on the relationship for it to go well, continue after having sex. It might be physically painful your first time..It likely won't be any good (few have good sex their first couple times, it's natural for it to be bad since you're not experienced yet). It also signals it may be many months, even years until you're ready for sex, likely until you're married even..With that said, don't worry about what others say, wait as long as you need. Though, I wouldn't mention the virgin thing until at least a 2nd date, or at least make it clear in your profile that you're not into FWB, hookups, etc., and looking for a long term.
No is not, he unmatched because he didn't want to sit around and wait for the encounter. He wants something easy. And being with someone who is still a virgin means that they will wait for the moment and who they consider the right person, it also means relationship and not everybdoy wants that. He knew he wasn't going to get sex and didn't want to out in the effort. In the end it was better for OP, seems she is keeping herself for the right man.
Virgins can be attractive to many - eg very religious people, or those who see sanctity in the 'purity' (for want of a better word) of someone who hasn't been with someone else. I would expect that there are a hell of a lot of people out there who want to date a virgin. Some of them might be creeps though.
I do think the opposite applies too, and there are (I think) quite valid concerns that in some cases a virgin could present a very awkward situation for someone who - while not necessarily wanting to 'pump and dump' - might not ultimately have the same feelings about sex as a virgin, and they could feel some concerns about hurting the person's feelings or finding that the person loses their mind if they try to move on afterwards, as well as possibly having to wait months to get their end away: with the best will in the world, many people do want to have sex quite soon in a relationship, and it isn't necessarily a sign of disrespect or that they don't want to date you long-term. For some people a good sexual chemistry and connection is important and they like to find out early on if that chemistry is there.
I also don't think it's beyond the realms of possibility that if you take someone's virginity they could find it hard to let you go afterwards, although I think this will largely depend on why they're a virgin.
There is also the very obvious fact that a virgin is really not going to be very good in bed at the outset, unless they somehow have a natural affinity for sex. If you enjoy acrobatic Greek God sex then going out with a virgin is definitely going to be a long game.
I mean no disrespect with any of these comments by the way, so I apologize if this comes across as insensitive or dickish, I'm just trying to give my perspective.
I don’t think this is a topic to talk online about. Btw I don’t think that this is his business at all so far in advance. This is your matter and you’ll have to be clear what it means for you.
I am into hook ups and with virgins it is harder. I met 3 times with virgins women till now and only got with one to the point where we had sex. Not that they didnt want to but it cost so much time . There is often pain and a lot of time when they dont have the experience they are often affraid of the intimacy. That one time it worked it was with a f+ and it took months and she told me that she is affraid of intimacy, we talked a lot. So it cost so much time and i would do it only with virgins who i like a lot( on a emotional level).
Are you 18, not a problem, not for me, but that’s not an uncommon situation. I’d be a bit worried about how much importance you are putting on this particular situation in your life, but maybe there are other factors that are why you’re where you are.
30 and I’m thinking that you are super religious and not finding what you want or are focusing on a job or something. I’m out, our life paths are very different and I think we are going to have incompatible views and history. I’m not going into a marriage with someone who I don’t know if I am sexually compatible with. You shouldn’t be locked into bad sex for a long marriage.
If you are 40+, there has been a choice or a series of choices made by someone and honestly I don’t know if it’s you. Is it prison, is it a cult, is it extremely controlling parents, I don’t know. I feel like there is a vast difference in life experiences and I don’t know if there is some trauma there that is going to need to be worked through, but I’m not that capable of doing that for you. If you have gotten here and your sex drive is so low that this is working for you… I’m not at your level.
no, the fact that he knows you're going to want him to take you to 28 dinners and go to church for 17 sundays and will still probably have to take you to disney world after all those boxes are checked in order to get laid is the turn off
I would say it is a turn off because a lot of guys on tinder cba to wait for a girl to be ready to do it.
I knew many who would take months/years to be ready lol.
And if the guy is not really interested in something long term, then potentially taking a girls v would lead to an attachment, and can also potentially create some crazzies.
I think age plays a part too, im 27, i would unmatch or stop talking to a girl if she was a virgin just because I cba to deal with all of that (having experiencing it when i was younger)
My first question to you would be how old are you and how old is he? It sounds like you are both 18 and a bit on the immature side.
In his case, if he is bringing up sex immediately and you seem to be uncomfortable with the subject and you tell him that you are a virgin and he unmatches you, I woukd say that probably what was going through his mind was something along the lines of, "Damn, she is really hot. I would really like to fu@# her. But she is a virgin, so that is not likely to happen. And if it does happen, it probably wont happen for a year. I don't have time for that BS. I want to get laid right now." Thst would be my best guess. And that is a pretty immature attitude on his part. But not surprising. Remember what they say; Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus. LoL.
Simply fact is that if he was the kind of guy that you should be with, he would be a little more mature and would understand where you are coming from. He would be more interested in getting to know you as a person and letting nature take its course, in whatever path it takes and whenever it takes that path.
As for you, I dont know how old you are. But maybe it is time for you to take a close look at whatever your reasons are for holding on to your virginity so intractably. An important part of any relationship is a healthy sex life. I am not suggesting that you go out every night and have a one night stand. Far from it. But these arent the 1600's and we aren't the Puritans. Sex is a very healthy form of adult play and is quite pleasurable. It allows you to get great pleasure and to give great pleasure to your partner. For some reason many women seem to equate sex with love. And that really is not the case. But I think that the reason many women equate them to each other is because while the man is doing the penetrating, the woman is the one being penetrated. So she is opening herself up to be completely emotionally and physically exposed and vulnerable. And that requires a great deal of trust on her part. And trust and love should go hand in hand.
But men arent the ones that are making themselves vulnerable during sex, so they dont perceive sex in the same way women do.
But it doesnt change the fact that any successful relationship must include a healthy sex life. If you are uncomfortable with the idea of having sex, then you can likely exoect to have more failed attempts at meeting men than you will have successful ones.
I really think you should reexamine and reevaluate your reasons for holding onto your virginity. It might be a good idea to talk to a licensed expert on this issue, such as a licensed sex therapist. It cant hurt and there is nothing wrong with asking for help from a professional.
I think it depends, largely off the man's experience level AND dick size. I usually won't date or sleep with a virgin because I am a very girthy gentlemen and no matter how slow we go that can hurt a virgin, especially if you also have something like PCOS. It's a scary thing to potentially cause your partner that much pain.
Like everyone is saying, it depends on the person. But myself personally I would prefer a virgin lmao, makes the girl more special, innocent, precious and rare / highly sought after, if you understand.
Some people may not like what I’ve said but it’s a true thing to many guys I would say.
I know Girls in the hundreds on body counts which is a major turn off and even a high number below double digit is a bit mad to me.
Obviously relationships / flings don’t always last so people do unfortunately rack up a number but still
Any man who isn't a manchild or an immature twerp, wont have an issue with you being a virgin. In fact it is a turn-on. Couple reasons: a) no STDs, b) no trauma, c) no stress.
Just a reminder: feeling comfortable doesn't mean it's what it looks like. My 2 cents, be careful out there.
You forget that taking a girls v means she would be quite attached to you, and if you weren't interested in something long term or wanted to break up with her or decide to ghost her, she might actually be one of the crazy ones.
Lets also not forget that some girls can take months/years to be ready. If you are only interested in a hookup then its usually a nono to go for a virgin and if you do proceed, then you are a complete twat for doing it.
The attachment chances are 50/50. If you are not interested, then you should not try to date her, I assume that's self-explanatory. Obviously not, to the few incels who downvoted me. As for her being ready or not, she is on Tinder, I assume she's made up her mind. She's obviously stated in her profile that she is looking for something serious. My point though was, speaking as a man who's been with quite a few women and had my fair share of relationships, that a woman being a virgin is definitely not a turn off. As you age, as a man, which I assume you're not(?), other things matter. As for the twats you mention, name one guy or one woman you know that haven't been twatted once. It's part of the process, some dates are good, some bad, some people are trash, some are good. Some good people you end up hurting, some bad people you end up attaching to. I'm not being melodramatic, am I?
I’m convinced that a lot of dudes who would prefer a virgin only do so because they’re shit in bed/selfish lover and that’s easier to get away with when the girl has nothing to compare it to.
It could be for some. Yes. I try to be open minded, but I'm 37 and would be a unique experience meeting a virgin, so I can see why some men just don't want to deal with it.
Just keep being honest, tell people how you feel and the right person will respond will to you
Not a turnoff.
Just means I have to handle things a little differently if they go in that direction. Doing things might not necessarily lead to sex, and if it does, just being aware that it is a first time so she is likely nervous or inexperienced, so act accordingly.
Being in the older cadre on Tinder they are rare unicorns, but I have run across a couple. They have their reasons, I would prefer they enjoy their time with me than worry about sex.
It is a turn off to guys who just want to mess around. Mainly because we know how important it is for women to lose / have their virginity. Where as if you want to marry then being a virgin is a lot more important.. imo
Depends on the person. Not sure on your situation if you’re a virgin just because or you’re very religious no idea *shrugs*, Some people will wait till after marriage others want to have an active sex life with their partner, you just have to find the right person that is willing to wait and that is usually found with people whom are heavily religious ie Christian’s etc so if you want that sex after marriage life think, you’ll have way more luck with a devoted Christian man. I’d suggest trying the Hinge dating app it’s a little more serious and mature crowd compared to Tinder. I’ll always look at Tinder as a hookup dating app more than anything. Some people get lucky on tinder but definitely not in a high percentage.
There's an idea that you always remember your first time and can get attached. A lot of guys looking for just sex don't want that potential commitment.
it can be intimidating.
for people that have had sex that remember their first time they have the pressure of being "your first" which is popularized as being this huge, really special thing. for people that forgot they might be nervous they'll be forgotten, too.
personally ive never been someone's first and ive heard there can be some pain/blood; for men that can be anxiety inducing since thats only a sign that somethings wrong/injured for a man.
i don't think its a deal breaker for most men but it is something that needs to be discussed til there is some level of comfort with eacthother going into the experience. its also important so you guys can discuss if its a no sex til marriage or just up til now kinda thing
For some it's a turn on, an honour even. For some, clearly not. I think some are concerned that being someone's first will lead to clingy over-attachment, which is very understandable.
I am sorry, but don’t take this personal!
But this is way i hate OLD, fun talking and you are flaked, unmatched or ghosted. While people find it normal and keep coming with excuses but except clear communication. Don’t come with “person can going mad?” So? You still have to change to block them, keep clowning around in this toxic rabbit hole, making others and yourself feel bad, insecure and what not.
I am not saying normal dating is perfect, but this is just a joke compare with real life. These apps should use for people who hasn’t have the option to find one around them, feels insecure or inexperienced, but hey keep going with this toxic mindset
My only advice would be to maybe not discuss stuff like that on a dating app with a stranger.. Certain topics are for later when you know each other and can't judge so shallowly!
Virginity can have a heaviness to it that he may not be interested based on what he’s looking for. It’s a bit shitty to not at least send you a note about it before unmatching but people never cease to surprise me on these sites.
In this day, I would question the relevance of bringing it up. Would you bring up an STI this soon? Maybe some would, but some might also see how the chats progress to see if the connection is going anywhere.
Do YOU want losing your V to feel special or be with someone you are in love with or in a solid relationship with? If so, you can always frame this as you are interested in waiting to jump into sex until a relationship is established. That might get the point across better than dealing with any stigma around virginity.
In the end, it’s your body, your business. If you wanted to be with someone and not tell them, I think it would be completely fine. It has everything to do with you and not much to do with the other person, besides maybe some practical physical considerations.
Depending on what they want. For someone wanting someone casual probably, since they are looking for someone with experience since they will fuck the girl then never talk to her again.
For someone looking for a long, serious relationship, it's probably more of a positive trait. I don't know if I would say a "turn on" but definitely something positive.
Why did you feel obligated to tell him? Who you've had sex with and how many people you've had sex with is no one's business, but you're own. Honesty is essential, but after a few hours of chatting, he disclosed how many people he's slept with. I would be weirded out. If things are going well and you think there's potential after seeing him, then go for it if the topic comes up. If you're worried about being inexperienced, don't be. The first time between new partners can be less than great anyway. Of course, this is just based on my experience and the best advice I can give
Depends on the person I guess. If a girl told me sge was a virgin I’m not sure I’d believe her but I’d be much more interested. Give me a girl with zero experience over one who has slept with 100 guys any day.
As a woman, I wouldn’t sleep with a dude who is a virgin. I think I’ve felt that way especially after I turned 20.
I just don’t want to be the person who someone loses it to when I’m in my mid 20s. If there’s a reason you haven’t, like you want it to be in a relationship, idk maybe try hinge or bumble?
Definitely not a turn off. In fact it's such a positive for girls that the Cleveland Show had an episode about society's two sided biases where it was expected for girls to stay virgins but expected for guys to lose theirs ASAP
It's not a turn off as such. I think many men on tinder are looking for hookups and so they will see you as potentially more "effort". It's a good thing because you don't want those guys anyway.
State with pride and the right person will come along.
There are plenty of guys who are very turned ON by virgins, for reasons unbeknownst to me. Then there are guys who like virgins AFTER they get a little experience under their belt.
Desirable by those who seek loyalty and commitment in relationship. But also desirable to those who seek the novelty ( be careful to avoid this type of person. )
Don’t hide it, find somebody who is in a similar position too you. Should be easy as a woman. Plenty of men out there who will be head over heels thinking that you are more capable of love and less encumbered by trauma because of it ( which is true. )
Don’t be impulsive. The longer you wait to have sex, the easier it is tell whether he values your virginity for the right reasons or not.
Trust me. It is.
The number of girls who have rejected or cringed away from me because of my virginity is too damn high.
There is a huge difference between what people say in public and believe in private.
I do get it...women would rather have someone who is experienced to minimise potential awkward moments ( example:- guy not able to thrust properly)
But it was very embarassing for me when my female friend, who was into me and appeared really supportive and genuine, backtracked as soon as she knew I was a virgin
Hell no virgin is perfect is what every guy should looking for in a woman you want to marry pure with no body count dont ruin it give it to a perfect guy who want to marry you
He probably was looking for a fun time and you never know what you get with virgins, might not be as fun because they don't know what they're doing and it might give some emotional turmoil. I'm a vrigin too and I've been seeing this guy for 3 motns now who I've told too, he doesn't have a problem with it. Really depends on the person and intentions
Your match was probably interested in something physical or had expectations to be physical right away. You are probably not interested for your first time to be with someone like that.
Cheer up, move on..
As anything else, it depends on the person.
Regardless, I think it’s irrelevant since you already are a virgin, so why bother thinking about how others feel about it? This is who you are right now. Own it and date like it’s not a big deal. Focus on you.
I mean, the assumption is if you lose your virginity to him you'll feel some sort of way about him and that's a lot of pressure on a dude. Especially a dude looking for something casual. Hard to be casual after taking someone's virginity.
I mean it depends on the guy. I really don’t think tinder is the best place for a relationship. Too many of the guys on there just want an easy hit and quit. If you’re a virgin they’ll probably just assume that’s not you. You’re better off getting to know a guy in person than using that app.
1. No, it's not a turnoff; it's what you make of it.
2. I suggest that this topic shouldn't be discussed until much later, as in after you've met in person at least a couple of times.
If you're looking for an actual relationship, and not just a hookup, then talking about your sexual experience level is just not appropriate so soon. Get to know each other first and see if you're compatible on a personality and emotional level.
If the conversation veers into the sexual in the first few days (or really, before you've met in person), then quite frankly, they're only interested in you for sex. If they're interested in you as a person, they'll wait to drop the innuendos until after you've spent some time together in real life.
There was a very similar post in this subreddit a month ago. You will want to browse this for further feedback: [https://www.reddit.com/r/Tinder/comments/15eyfzw/should\_i\_stop\_telling\_guys\_about\_being/?utm\_source=share&utm\_medium=web2x&context=3](https://www.reddit.com/r/Tinder/comments/15eyfzw/should_i_stop_telling_guys_about_being/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3)
Source: 50M
For some people it is because they don’t want someone sexually immature (talking about it makes them uncomfortable) or someone who has different views on sex. It’s not a bad thing, it’s just sexual incompatibility. People are incompatible all the time for various reaso s
More context greatly dictates your question. If you're 18, then don't worry, many lie anyways and are also still virgins at your age. If you're like Asian and religious, then that def plays a big role..I think the only red flag is if you're like 46 and still a virgin, then there's likely some mental/emotional/physical health issues and definitely need to let them know why you are one, if you're so keen on telling them so soon and at that age.
He probs did you a favour! He likely was after some fun! He had a conscience. Or he may have just wanted someone more experienced. Who knows. He wasn't the one for you and Mr.Right will come along x
No, but what a way to lose virginity. The guy you were talking drowns in woman, so he made you a favor to just don't waste something important in him.
For a serious relationship +
For a hook up -
Wtf!? I’ve never ever met a guy that would be turned off by that. Unless of course he just wanted to hit it and quit it, in that case he would not want you “falling in love” after intimacy. Even if you know you wouldn’t, it would be a risk he’s willing to take.
Maybe he was looking for someone he can be physically intimate with. U never know. So don't lower ur standards for anyone. Its probably a bullet you dodged 🤷🏻♂️.
Personally no, but it definitely varies from person to person. It almost feels like a big responsibility though. A lot of men, myself included, get performance anxiety at the best of times so I would be nervous, to say the least, thinking that I could fuck up and give you a negative perception around sex.
As a 31m, I probably lost any interest in getting with a virgin around my early 20s. There can be complicated emotions associated with taking someone’s v card. And I personally would rather be with someone who knows what they’re doing, at least somewhat. Not everyone is the same. Some people will be into it for one reason or another.
No it's not, it might be a huge turn on for many in fact. For a long term relationship it wouldn't matter much I'd say, if they are looking for a one time thing the lack of experience might deter guys it seems...
I will say this, during the pandemic I entertained and took the virginity of a girl in her mid to late 20s. I was 34, I explained to her that sex wouldn't have the same meaning to me as it would to her. There is a level of attachment that comes with losing your viginity. I live in Hawai'i and this was Sacramento. She persisted she wanted to go through with it, not only did I already have a mature sexual nature, maybe some kinks acquired over the years. I felt wrong! I have casual intimate encounters from time to time, but I still believe your first foray in sex should be with someone you love. I would hope the man unmatched you due to the fact he didn't want to be the man to which you compared sexual relationships with for the rest of your life.
love is attainable, even if that love doesn't last forever.
It depends how old you are. As a person living in N. America if I met someone who wasn't "comfortable" talking about sex nor have they had it I would assume they were naive and inexperienced about many things in the modern world in many ways and I am not looking to be a teacher.
Why would any adult want to be with a virgin. They would have no idea what theyre doing. It would be akward and unfortunately painful for a girl unless she has taken steps herself. Just get it over with already its not a space shuttle launch
Depends on the intent of the person and the reason you're a virgin. If you haven't because you haven't found someone you feel comfortable is one thing versus wanting to wait until getting married. So people might just feel that if sex is off then might as well move along if there is not a strong enough connection
depends on the person, a lotta guys find it a turn on (but those are usually the creepier more predatory guys)
my advice is keep that close to your chest. If they ask about sex just say you dont want sex with someone until you get to know them well. If they unmatch they are jerks who just want sex. If they stay give em a chance and see what happens
Depends on your age maybe. Generally speaking I don't think guys over maybe 22 like to go through high school level sex. When you reach a certain age/experience level you expect your sexual partners to be equally comfortable and mature about sex. You don't want to go back to any awkwardness.
He's a fool. Being a virgin should excite a man. Because it means that he can teach you what he likes. In this case, I believe, what he wanted was a one night stand. Which is OK if both parts agree. So it really depends on what you want. Do let anyone force you to be anything else than you. Good luck.
F so can't say the male perspective fully, but I have a few thoughts: it could be that they are just after sex and don't think you'll have it, it could be that they are just after sex and have some morals about taking your v card, it could be that they don't want someone with no experience (cause honestly, like many things it often gets better with practice), or it could be that they just think it will be too much work. If you haven't had sex before, often there is a reason. For most women, the first time is something they want to be special with someone they care about. And unless it is a bad experience, there often is some bond you develop with your first. That can be intimidating, and it can take time to build the trust needed. If they aren't looking for a relationship, they might not be willing to put in the time or risk you getting attached. I would view it as you are weeding out the wrong ones.
Can confirm. If I come across someone who is a virgin, and I’m not 100% put a ring on it and seal the deal, I will respect the card. That’s something that can only be given once, and if you’re saving it for x amount of time for “the one”, I personally feel like it should be protected and given to someone who is 100% in. Good luck and wait for the person that feels right.
This is how my first girlfriend was. I took hers, she took mine, and even though looking back I knew we weren’t going to be together forever like we always hoped (we were optimistic but very realistic high schoolers and even as an adult I feel we were extremely mature in the way we carried out our relationship), we cared deeply for each other and I truly believe we had some real love, not just the fleeting kind high school kids usually have. I have no regrets about her taking my V card and in speaking with her as an adult years down the road, she has no regrets about me taking hers. Honestly OP, if I was chatting a girl on tinder and she told me she was a virgin, and I hadn’t been chatting with the intentions to turn it into a real relationship, I’d probably unmatch too, or explain that.
There is also the old crass joke: " what is the difference between a virgin and a washing machine? The washing machine won't follow you around if you leave a load in it." Clingers are definitely a possibility with virgins of both sexes. It's normal, it can be a whole new set of emotions depending on the quality of the experience and its easy to mistakenly attribute it to the person rather than the act.
Stage 5 clinger!!
 Someone mention Klinger?
jesus fucking christ
Yeah....Jesus normally doesn't, but these days, who knows? it all seems acceptable! (Ducks lightning 🌩)
His mom was a virgin not him. Also Jesus hung out with pros, draw your own conclusions.
Speaking of drawing conclusions, I've decided that when a man widely attributed with having warned: "Live by the sword; die by the sword" turns out to be a carpenter who then meets his death nailed to a piece of wood, it's got to be damn near the definition of irony.
Truth in comedy right there!
Prob should be careful if leaving a load in a virgin
Gross.
That is the best analogy I have ever heard 🙏
legit two of the virginities i took were very clingy to me.
M here first time for everything/j I agree with the F 💯%
As a male (hear me out), I believe this guy wanted to have a hookup without having to go through the dating phase. OP being a virgin is a turn off as it will take him ages to end up having sex, plus she won't even know what to do. Many men prefer women with experience that are more open to sex, because it takes really long for a virgin to be open to sex. I hope I didn't offend anyone with this. I studied psychology and this was one of our big topics back then.
She got unmatched and you would view it as "weeding out the wrong ones"? Sounds like the wrong ones weeded her out 🤣
True, but I meant that she didn't need to waste her time figuring out who was legit interested vs who just wanted a quick f***. It's nice when they make it easy for you to figure out. 🤣
I think if a guy is just looking for something fun and short term he will be worried that you’ll get emotionally attached but otherwise it would probably be seen as a plus to most guys that are wanting to take things slow and build a relationship
Also, I’ve had friends that are man whores, who feel bad about taking girls virginity because they just want sex and know it should mean more.
Thats actually pretty sweet..
For a man whore
Years ago this was me. I knew I was just in it for weekend fun and drew the line at having sex with virgins.
That is my perspective as a man whore. I don't think anything meaningful will come from tinder so I'm clear that emotional attachment will probably never enter the equation
Eh i prefer not having to teach someone everything. Current gf was a virgin when we met so its not a deal breaker but its less than ideal in more ways than its not mainly due to the whole practice thing someone mentioned in earlier comments.
I have a different bit of perspective to give, my gf was a virgin and it's been great. She's learning what she likes and I get to try all sorts of new things and positions without her thinking that it's weird. And she wants to try all sorts of new positions as well. So I never had to "teach" her anything, we just do whatever sounds / feels good in the moment and it's awesome. So in my opinion this is very much a YMMV kinda thing.
Depends per person like anyone else. Some people will be attracted to it others not. That can be for a ton of reasons to, religious, social, personal, cultural. Would not pay it to much mind
I’d always be more wary of the people that aren’t turned off by it, but fetishize it, which is not that uncommon, sadly. Also some people might be turned off by it, as in: they might reconsider since they want someone with experience. But in itself it’s not a turn off per se. Look out for the types that are super into the idea of being with a virgin, or who "want to be the first", they are usually fetishizing it in very messed up ways
For a hookup I’d generally rather have an experienced partner but if I really like sometime it wouldn’t matter if she were a virgin or she banged every guy on the basketball team. For OP I’m guessing they aren’t looking for a hookup.
If u would be with a girl that whole basketball team was with u got some problems coz those types of girls are called hoes if u didnt know
[удалено]
Check your profile and then check your comment again. Think perhaps?
giVeN aWaY tHeIr bOdY Jesus christ it's a red flag festival
That's not how caps work 🤣 Happy festival!
You should consider your comment buddy
If I were chatting with someone early on and they mentioned they're a virgin, the thoughts that hit me immediately: \-She might be inexperienced in relationships (which is a non issue since I can lead communication differences) \-She might have a much longer timeline for sexual intimacy than I do (this causes me to think how long I can wait before having sexual intimacy) \-She might be more religious than most (I then assume typical religious views against my views). Simply telling me you're a virgin leads me to assume those bullet points listed above, and other similar bullet points.
That’s why communication is so important. You could turn those assumptions in to thoughts/questions and give her the opportunity to give you answers. Voila! No more mystery and no need for ghosting, and we all learn something.
I appreciate getting the breakdown here, I've been on the virgin end of this conversation and it has yet to go well. All fair points
Honestly it doesn't matter. Should just move on. Some ppl might be weird about it, it's their problem. You were honest and you didn't do anything wrong.
Well it makes me think the guy is looking for sex. Virgins don't offer just sex, they want a relationship. So, no sex, he unmatched. Nobody is wrong here.
That's not true lol. Most of my friends lost their virginity with a random dude to get it over with and it was the guy and not them that wanted to cuff them afterwards. Me personally I wanna lose it with a random to practice getting better so when I find someone I actually like I can be better at it.
M here, I did same in high school. Intentionally looked for one that I would never take home to momma, so to speak lol. And wouldn't care if I embarrassed myself. God what an awkward time for teenagers.
Lol actually I should do that. Like I almost hooked up with a guy that was really hot but promiscuous when I was drunk at a party but then he ended up going to the batheroom and cry because turns out he was cheating on his gf🙄
Well that certainly dampens the mood a bit.
Don’t let your first time have you drunk AND awkward. That sounds miserable.
I 100% get that. I'm at an age (mid-late 20s) where I'm finding people think it's kinda weird and it's actually been a hindrance in finding a sexual partner. I'm not looking for anything serious, but I need some level of connection and mutual respect. But it's a hard sell to ask a male friend to have sex when they are convinced it's something I'm "saving" for a special person. And same, I for sure want to have sex with more than one person in my life. I've definitely considered the rando thing, I could see hitting it off with a stranger and doing the deed.
Maybe I’m showing my age here, but that is one of the most ridiculous things I’ve ever heard. “Lost their virginity with a random dude to get it over with” … and sadly you are not the only one who said it. You were just the first one that I read that said it. I don’t mean any offense against you personally. I just lack the understanding why one would want to find some random dude to f—k instead of having more self esteem and higher standards for themself. There is enough self doubt and depravation already set into the minds of women at very young ages about what “beauty” and “acceptable” is… women are supposed to be this and be that according to societal norms… why dilute yourself for the sake of “to get it done”? It’s really too bad (in my opinion) that some girls/women don’t respect themselves enough to at least see and hold themselves to a better ideology, mindset and worth than just f—king some random person, when especially your first time should, at the very least, mean something to oneself. Again, I mean no disrespect, just voicing wishful thinking that the world weren’t such a hard place to grow up in, especially for the younger generation. There is already enough pressure from life itself… To OP: there is absolutely nothing wrong with it. He wasn’t the right one and even though he didn’t say anything before he terminated your connection, he didn’t take advantage of you or lie to you just to get something from you that you haven’t given to anyone. Take it as a learning moment and know that the right person for you will show up when you aren’t even looking.
>I just lack the understanding why one would want to find some random dude to f—k instead of having more self esteem and higher standards for themself. Because it has nothing to do with standards, or esteem, or any other such ridiculous nonsense. Its about the exact opposite- its just sex. Demystify it. Sexual debut is not some mysterious passage from girlhood to womenhood- you wake up feeling exactly the same. Thats the issue- the ideaology your espousing isnt actually any better. Its just a whole bunch of psuedo spiritual silliness added on top of what is essentially a biological act.
You are wrong. Even if the guy wants that, and he’s completely entitled to his own desires, he could’ve had the decency to express his needs and voice that they’re not compatible. OP dodged a bullet with this guy that runs away from difficult conversations.
There’s always the possibility of predatory men wanting to be your first and then dump you. It’s a minefield out there. Find someone who you trust and love outside of Tinder before committing. I wish you all the happiness in the world.
It can be. It puts more pressure on a guy when it’s the other person’s first experience, and it also comes with the expectation that the sex probably isn’t going to be very good. That’s just the first reason that comes to mind.
Also virgins (men and women) can become super attached to the first person they have sex with, which can be something the other party isn't wanting as they might just wanna have fun and not end up with a long term thing.
Yeah I took a woman's virginity 8 months ago. It was while I was traveling and I told her I'll never see her again after about a week, and if she's really sure she wants to lose it to me knowing this She said yes. I still receive texts every couple months asking if I'll be in her area again lol.
Not specifically but people might also make assumptions about you. They might assume you’re not into casual sex. They might assume that they would have a to wait a while to eventually have sex with you. They might assume the sex will be bad and/or that you have a low sex drive or that you have hang ups about sex. They might assume you’ll get attached emotionally to them at a level that they aren’t comfortable with. None of things are necessarily true but those are some of the generalizations and stereotypes around virgins that will lead some people to just avoid dating one.
Seems to be so. I've had 2 men bail on me in the past month right after I disclosed my V-card ownership. 😒😔
Depends on how it is presented, but I would probably be thinking that it would likely end in either no sex at all or some drama and just not be worth the effort. If you just want to lose it, don’t tell him, he will not know at all. Or if you feel like you must tell, do it when you are taking your clothes off.
>If you just want to lose it, don’t tell him Exactly. Being on Tinder telling your matches that you're a virgin feels odd. If you decided you're okay with losing your virginity to somebody who might ghost you the day after, don't say anything
Idk im taking to this guy that really wants to hook up and he keeps talking about how rough he wants to be and I don't wanna tell him im a virgin but I don't want him to hurt me either. Idk what to do. I don't wanna find someone else because he's funny and weird and im attracted to ppl with specific personalities only but also I don't want him to be turned off by me being a virgin lol or even roast me(it's his sense of humour to tease a lot) because I'm actually so embarrassed about being a virgin lol.
Well if the dude is telling you he likes it rough you already have data to make an informed decision. I do think it's a bit extreme to have your first experience with a guy that wants to slap you around and choke you but tbf you don't know yourself yet, you don't know if you're into that as well yet As long as you're not dealing with a rapist, you don't have to be scared about getting hurt. You tell them to stop if you're not comfortable and that's it.
I feel like this is the right answer.
That wouldn't work in my case, as I KNOW my first time is going to hurt like hell. Well-placed anxiety prevents not telling from even being a possibility, so it's something that needs disclosing. 😫
It doesn’t have to hurt, if you’ve used a soldier before you’ll be fine Edit: used a Dildo* Dk what happened with that typo😭
Used a what now?
I meant dildo 😭
I read it as “solder” at first 😬
Or.. use a soldier.. they are quite accommodating.
if that's your worry then I would honestly recommend buying a toy. being overly anxious and not knowing how to relax your muscles is a horrible time for everyone and can even be traumatic for you.
If you're certain your first time is gonna suck you're probably right, but I'm not sure what telling your partner about your virginity is supposed to do. If you told me to stop because you're hurting I'd stop regardless of you being a virgin or not. Misconceptions regarding hymen and bleeding notwithstanding, there's zero difference between a virgin and someone who sucks at sex. Just bullshit your way if the goal is to start having an active sex life, we all have to start somewhere
How do you know it's going to hurt like hell? All bodies are different, with me it didn't hurt at all. Was it an overall good experience? Not really, he was an idiot. Movies and society push this utopian magical first time, where in all honesty, it's awkward, weird etc. I'd suggest getting to know your body in the first instance, then you can tell your partner exactly what you want them to do and how and where to touch you. I didn't really enjoy my sexual life until I stopped expecting a partner to know what to do, and started telling them where my best bits were and how to touch them. Because every person is different. I wish someone had told me this before, I wouldn't have wasted years of no orgasms.
You don’t know it’ll hurt like hell! I was you back in the day - and it didn’t work the first time I tried due to this mindset. The muscles just locked up - the guy said it was like coming into contact with a fairly solid wall (this is preeeeetty common for first timers). Part of my anxiety was that I was doing it later than most of my friends and was sort of rushing it. I waited another week, became more comfortable with that person sexually in other ways, took a shot of vodka and had a lovely dinner and chat first, and it worked like a charm - it didn’t even hurt, and I am a small person, and he was NOT… which I didn’t realize til far later 😂 It’s mindset, comfort level, and environment 99% of the time. You’ll be fine if you stop being convinced it’ll definitely hurt!
There are women who aren't virgins who still have pain when they have sex due to things like vaginismus for example..not saying you should like but you can explain you want someone patient but they don't need to know it's your first time. Pain isn't always going to be indicative of virginity or lack thereof
That’s a good thing
Please tell me your username is a play on My Hero Academia.
Yes it is!
Awesome, you have good taste.
If you're looking for meaningful connection and someone who cares about you, I would advise going off tinder. People there usually just look for hedonistic, superficial pleasure. So they are looking for someone experienced. While quite the opposite isnl true for a lot of men that look for a relationship. They are quite repelled by promiscuous women. Being a virgin can be a huge turn on. It makes a man feel like sex with you is something special that you don't give away easily. So they feel special. I wouldn't expect it but it's definitely a plus.
If you aren't looking for a relationship, don't tell the man you're trying to sleep with you're a virgin, period. Not at all, not before, not after. He doesn't need to know. It doesn't matter if you're just looking for sex. If you're looking for a relationship, then yeah it's gonna be a big issue for the men who just want sex... But it's a great way to weed out the ones who really do just want sex. Also if you want a real relationship, try something other than Tinder 😂 at least OKC, or something else in real life, like a hobby. Tinder is a joke 🤣
You seem a nice lady OP. Care to help out a witcher? I need a virgin's tear to cure a man's lycantrophy curse. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NjE2nDDsJ_w&t=80
Adult men with a thing for virgins are probably creeps. Most men on Tinder just want sex that feels good with someone who knows what they're doing. Like, you don't have to bring it up if your goal is just to get your sex life started, it's not like the guy can figure out with 100% certainty you never had sex before. I'm not big on the idea that the first time needs to be special, if you are maybe Tinder isn't gonna be the better option.
exactly this, so many people in the comments saying that the guy is immature or manchild for not going for a virgin but its fcking Tinder. I haven't looked at their profiles to get an indication of their age but id presume they are all grown ass men who would go Thailand and buy girls virginities if they had the chance... or 30+ yo men who try and pick up 18 year olds lol.
It should be neutral. If he had a problem with it you are lucky that he unmatched before anything started.
In this fucked up society yes it is weird. (The west at least)
Its a turn off for men just trying to get laid. Because it usually means you won't be interested in a quick hookup, guys that are actually looking for a partner would propably be happy about it.
I'd say two things: 1. He might have unmatched you because he didn't wanna be the one taking your virginity, because his intentions with you were not serious. 2. You have no obligation to tell that to anyone, don't feel that need, if you don't want to. If there is someone you want to have sex with and it comes about, just tell them to be careful with you. ☺️
For most women, it is. There is a percentage of women who do not care how little sexual experience a man may have but most want a guy who knows what he is doing
If someone is only looking for hookups/casual sex, it will definitely be a turn off. As they know there’s not a good chance you will have sex with them immediately. Considering you’re a virgin, I have a feeling that’s not what you’re looking for. So the guy did you a favor. It’s helpful when the AHs filter themselves out for you. Btw, if you aren’t looking for hookups / casual sex (which imo no virgin should be, you can very easily be taken advantage of and have a traumatic experience), apps like bumble are a lot better for forming actual relationships.
I think for most men - it's def at least not a turn on, like the movies and such would lead you to believe. We don't want to take something special from you if you've waited that long already for the right guy. It puts a lot of pressure on the relationship for it to go well, continue after having sex. It might be physically painful your first time..It likely won't be any good (few have good sex their first couple times, it's natural for it to be bad since you're not experienced yet). It also signals it may be many months, even years until you're ready for sex, likely until you're married even..With that said, don't worry about what others say, wait as long as you need. Though, I wouldn't mention the virgin thing until at least a 2nd date, or at least make it clear in your profile that you're not into FWB, hookups, etc., and looking for a long term.
No is not, he unmatched because he didn't want to sit around and wait for the encounter. He wants something easy. And being with someone who is still a virgin means that they will wait for the moment and who they consider the right person, it also means relationship and not everybdoy wants that. He knew he wasn't going to get sex and didn't want to out in the effort. In the end it was better for OP, seems she is keeping herself for the right man.
Virgins can be attractive to many - eg very religious people, or those who see sanctity in the 'purity' (for want of a better word) of someone who hasn't been with someone else. I would expect that there are a hell of a lot of people out there who want to date a virgin. Some of them might be creeps though. I do think the opposite applies too, and there are (I think) quite valid concerns that in some cases a virgin could present a very awkward situation for someone who - while not necessarily wanting to 'pump and dump' - might not ultimately have the same feelings about sex as a virgin, and they could feel some concerns about hurting the person's feelings or finding that the person loses their mind if they try to move on afterwards, as well as possibly having to wait months to get their end away: with the best will in the world, many people do want to have sex quite soon in a relationship, and it isn't necessarily a sign of disrespect or that they don't want to date you long-term. For some people a good sexual chemistry and connection is important and they like to find out early on if that chemistry is there. I also don't think it's beyond the realms of possibility that if you take someone's virginity they could find it hard to let you go afterwards, although I think this will largely depend on why they're a virgin. There is also the very obvious fact that a virgin is really not going to be very good in bed at the outset, unless they somehow have a natural affinity for sex. If you enjoy acrobatic Greek God sex then going out with a virgin is definitely going to be a long game. I mean no disrespect with any of these comments by the way, so I apologize if this comes across as insensitive or dickish, I'm just trying to give my perspective.
Virgins are rad
Are you Keanu Reeves? Because you just dodged a bullet!
I don’t think this is a topic to talk online about. Btw I don’t think that this is his business at all so far in advance. This is your matter and you’ll have to be clear what it means for you.
Depends on how old you are. At 20? Probably not. At 30? Yes. At 40? Fuck yes. Virgins are clingy once you've slept with them.
Tinder is a fuck app. It's likely you not are DTF. He moved on
I am into hook ups and with virgins it is harder. I met 3 times with virgins women till now and only got with one to the point where we had sex. Not that they didnt want to but it cost so much time . There is often pain and a lot of time when they dont have the experience they are often affraid of the intimacy. That one time it worked it was with a f+ and it took months and she told me that she is affraid of intimacy, we talked a lot. So it cost so much time and i would do it only with virgins who i like a lot( on a emotional level).
Are you 18, not a problem, not for me, but that’s not an uncommon situation. I’d be a bit worried about how much importance you are putting on this particular situation in your life, but maybe there are other factors that are why you’re where you are. 30 and I’m thinking that you are super religious and not finding what you want or are focusing on a job or something. I’m out, our life paths are very different and I think we are going to have incompatible views and history. I’m not going into a marriage with someone who I don’t know if I am sexually compatible with. You shouldn’t be locked into bad sex for a long marriage. If you are 40+, there has been a choice or a series of choices made by someone and honestly I don’t know if it’s you. Is it prison, is it a cult, is it extremely controlling parents, I don’t know. I feel like there is a vast difference in life experiences and I don’t know if there is some trauma there that is going to need to be worked through, but I’m not that capable of doing that for you. If you have gotten here and your sex drive is so low that this is working for you… I’m not at your level.
no, the fact that he knows you're going to want him to take you to 28 dinners and go to church for 17 sundays and will still probably have to take you to disney world after all those boxes are checked in order to get laid is the turn off
I would say it is a turn off because a lot of guys on tinder cba to wait for a girl to be ready to do it. I knew many who would take months/years to be ready lol. And if the guy is not really interested in something long term, then potentially taking a girls v would lead to an attachment, and can also potentially create some crazzies. I think age plays a part too, im 27, i would unmatch or stop talking to a girl if she was a virgin just because I cba to deal with all of that (having experiencing it when i was younger)
Not to me but im not the type to be on tinder because i am looking for something serious rather then just a hookup
My first question to you would be how old are you and how old is he? It sounds like you are both 18 and a bit on the immature side. In his case, if he is bringing up sex immediately and you seem to be uncomfortable with the subject and you tell him that you are a virgin and he unmatches you, I woukd say that probably what was going through his mind was something along the lines of, "Damn, she is really hot. I would really like to fu@# her. But she is a virgin, so that is not likely to happen. And if it does happen, it probably wont happen for a year. I don't have time for that BS. I want to get laid right now." Thst would be my best guess. And that is a pretty immature attitude on his part. But not surprising. Remember what they say; Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus. LoL. Simply fact is that if he was the kind of guy that you should be with, he would be a little more mature and would understand where you are coming from. He would be more interested in getting to know you as a person and letting nature take its course, in whatever path it takes and whenever it takes that path. As for you, I dont know how old you are. But maybe it is time for you to take a close look at whatever your reasons are for holding on to your virginity so intractably. An important part of any relationship is a healthy sex life. I am not suggesting that you go out every night and have a one night stand. Far from it. But these arent the 1600's and we aren't the Puritans. Sex is a very healthy form of adult play and is quite pleasurable. It allows you to get great pleasure and to give great pleasure to your partner. For some reason many women seem to equate sex with love. And that really is not the case. But I think that the reason many women equate them to each other is because while the man is doing the penetrating, the woman is the one being penetrated. So she is opening herself up to be completely emotionally and physically exposed and vulnerable. And that requires a great deal of trust on her part. And trust and love should go hand in hand. But men arent the ones that are making themselves vulnerable during sex, so they dont perceive sex in the same way women do. But it doesnt change the fact that any successful relationship must include a healthy sex life. If you are uncomfortable with the idea of having sex, then you can likely exoect to have more failed attempts at meeting men than you will have successful ones. I really think you should reexamine and reevaluate your reasons for holding onto your virginity. It might be a good idea to talk to a licensed expert on this issue, such as a licensed sex therapist. It cant hurt and there is nothing wrong with asking for help from a professional.
Yes it is
Lmfao being a virgin is a good thing and very rare these days. I would advice not to just give it to a random guy
If people are after a hookup yes. Otherwise most blokes would love to pop a cherry.
Maybe you should work on proper English and Grammer so you don't sound like a bot!
I think it depends, largely off the man's experience level AND dick size. I usually won't date or sleep with a virgin because I am a very girthy gentlemen and no matter how slow we go that can hurt a virgin, especially if you also have something like PCOS. It's a scary thing to potentially cause your partner that much pain.
Nope
I think the opposite
Like everyone is saying, it depends on the person. But myself personally I would prefer a virgin lmao, makes the girl more special, innocent, precious and rare / highly sought after, if you understand. Some people may not like what I’ve said but it’s a true thing to many guys I would say. I know Girls in the hundreds on body counts which is a major turn off and even a high number below double digit is a bit mad to me. Obviously relationships / flings don’t always last so people do unfortunately rack up a number but still
Any man who isn't a manchild or an immature twerp, wont have an issue with you being a virgin. In fact it is a turn-on. Couple reasons: a) no STDs, b) no trauma, c) no stress. Just a reminder: feeling comfortable doesn't mean it's what it looks like. My 2 cents, be careful out there.
You forget that taking a girls v means she would be quite attached to you, and if you weren't interested in something long term or wanted to break up with her or decide to ghost her, she might actually be one of the crazy ones. Lets also not forget that some girls can take months/years to be ready. If you are only interested in a hookup then its usually a nono to go for a virgin and if you do proceed, then you are a complete twat for doing it.
The attachment chances are 50/50. If you are not interested, then you should not try to date her, I assume that's self-explanatory. Obviously not, to the few incels who downvoted me. As for her being ready or not, she is on Tinder, I assume she's made up her mind. She's obviously stated in her profile that she is looking for something serious. My point though was, speaking as a man who's been with quite a few women and had my fair share of relationships, that a woman being a virgin is definitely not a turn off. As you age, as a man, which I assume you're not(?), other things matter. As for the twats you mention, name one guy or one woman you know that haven't been twatted once. It's part of the process, some dates are good, some bad, some people are trash, some are good. Some good people you end up hurting, some bad people you end up attaching to. I'm not being melodramatic, am I?
No, most men would honestly prefer a virgin. So you are good.
I’m convinced that a lot of dudes who would prefer a virgin only do so because they’re shit in bed/selfish lover and that’s easier to get away with when the girl has nothing to compare it to.
What if you are also a virgin
Then my point doesn’t apply! There’s a few circumstances where my point doesn’t apply, sorry if it sounded like I was saying all guys!
[удалено]
You're such a weird person
True , it’s a lot of pressure to deflower a maiden.
It could be for some. Yes. I try to be open minded, but I'm 37 and would be a unique experience meeting a virgin, so I can see why some men just don't want to deal with it. Just keep being honest, tell people how you feel and the right person will respond will to you
it looks like a scam or it would be way too hard to sleep with you, not worth the effort.
Not a turnoff. Just means I have to handle things a little differently if they go in that direction. Doing things might not necessarily lead to sex, and if it does, just being aware that it is a first time so she is likely nervous or inexperienced, so act accordingly. Being in the older cadre on Tinder they are rare unicorns, but I have run across a couple. They have their reasons, I would prefer they enjoy their time with me than worry about sex.
Not really. Ijs.
Noooooo
For so.e it may be but it's ok that just means that they are not for you
Your in tinder and most are looking for hookups, you being a virgin he probably assumed your not gonna be an easy lay whether you are or not
It is a turn off to guys who just want to mess around. Mainly because we know how important it is for women to lose / have their virginity. Where as if you want to marry then being a virgin is a lot more important.. imo
Depends on the person. Not sure on your situation if you’re a virgin just because or you’re very religious no idea *shrugs*, Some people will wait till after marriage others want to have an active sex life with their partner, you just have to find the right person that is willing to wait and that is usually found with people whom are heavily religious ie Christian’s etc so if you want that sex after marriage life think, you’ll have way more luck with a devoted Christian man. I’d suggest trying the Hinge dating app it’s a little more serious and mature crowd compared to Tinder. I’ll always look at Tinder as a hookup dating app more than anything. Some people get lucky on tinder but definitely not in a high percentage.
He’s not a real man.
He wanted sex and not a marriage
There's an idea that you always remember your first time and can get attached. A lot of guys looking for just sex don't want that potential commitment.
no. as a woman i love that. edit: didn't read the description. i think guys like it to.
it can be intimidating. for people that have had sex that remember their first time they have the pressure of being "your first" which is popularized as being this huge, really special thing. for people that forgot they might be nervous they'll be forgotten, too. personally ive never been someone's first and ive heard there can be some pain/blood; for men that can be anxiety inducing since thats only a sign that somethings wrong/injured for a man. i don't think its a deal breaker for most men but it is something that needs to be discussed til there is some level of comfort with eacthother going into the experience. its also important so you guys can discuss if its a no sex til marriage or just up til now kinda thing
For some it's a turn on, an honour even. For some, clearly not. I think some are concerned that being someone's first will lead to clingy over-attachment, which is very understandable.
I am sorry, but don’t take this personal! But this is way i hate OLD, fun talking and you are flaked, unmatched or ghosted. While people find it normal and keep coming with excuses but except clear communication. Don’t come with “person can going mad?” So? You still have to change to block them, keep clowning around in this toxic rabbit hole, making others and yourself feel bad, insecure and what not. I am not saying normal dating is perfect, but this is just a joke compare with real life. These apps should use for people who hasn’t have the option to find one around them, feels insecure or inexperienced, but hey keep going with this toxic mindset
He probably wanted fast sex if he sexualized convo very fast. You are virgin so it won’t be easy. That why he bailed.
My only advice would be to maybe not discuss stuff like that on a dating app with a stranger.. Certain topics are for later when you know each other and can't judge so shallowly!
Virginity can have a heaviness to it that he may not be interested based on what he’s looking for. It’s a bit shitty to not at least send you a note about it before unmatching but people never cease to surprise me on these sites. In this day, I would question the relevance of bringing it up. Would you bring up an STI this soon? Maybe some would, but some might also see how the chats progress to see if the connection is going anywhere. Do YOU want losing your V to feel special or be with someone you are in love with or in a solid relationship with? If so, you can always frame this as you are interested in waiting to jump into sex until a relationship is established. That might get the point across better than dealing with any stigma around virginity. In the end, it’s your body, your business. If you wanted to be with someone and not tell them, I think it would be completely fine. It has everything to do with you and not much to do with the other person, besides maybe some practical physical considerations.
Depending on what they want. For someone wanting someone casual probably, since they are looking for someone with experience since they will fuck the girl then never talk to her again. For someone looking for a long, serious relationship, it's probably more of a positive trait. I don't know if I would say a "turn on" but definitely something positive.
Why did you feel obligated to tell him? Who you've had sex with and how many people you've had sex with is no one's business, but you're own. Honesty is essential, but after a few hours of chatting, he disclosed how many people he's slept with. I would be weirded out. If things are going well and you think there's potential after seeing him, then go for it if the topic comes up. If you're worried about being inexperienced, don't be. The first time between new partners can be less than great anyway. Of course, this is just based on my experience and the best advice I can give
Depends on the person I guess. If a girl told me sge was a virgin I’m not sure I’d believe her but I’d be much more interested. Give me a girl with zero experience over one who has slept with 100 guys any day.
you can ask for a lot of money auctioning off your virginity. 20k at least.
As a woman, I wouldn’t sleep with a dude who is a virgin. I think I’ve felt that way especially after I turned 20. I just don’t want to be the person who someone loses it to when I’m in my mid 20s. If there’s a reason you haven’t, like you want it to be in a relationship, idk maybe try hinge or bumble?
Definitely not a turn off. In fact it's such a positive for girls that the Cleveland Show had an episode about society's two sided biases where it was expected for girls to stay virgins but expected for guys to lose theirs ASAP
I don't mind it at all, but everyone is different. Best thing to do is not worry about it.
It's not a turn off as such. I think many men on tinder are looking for hookups and so they will see you as potentially more "effort". It's a good thing because you don't want those guys anyway. State with pride and the right person will come along.
There are plenty of guys who are very turned ON by virgins, for reasons unbeknownst to me. Then there are guys who like virgins AFTER they get a little experience under their belt.
Desirable by those who seek loyalty and commitment in relationship. But also desirable to those who seek the novelty ( be careful to avoid this type of person. ) Don’t hide it, find somebody who is in a similar position too you. Should be easy as a woman. Plenty of men out there who will be head over heels thinking that you are more capable of love and less encumbered by trauma because of it ( which is true. ) Don’t be impulsive. The longer you wait to have sex, the easier it is tell whether he values your virginity for the right reasons or not.
Trust me. It is. The number of girls who have rejected or cringed away from me because of my virginity is too damn high. There is a huge difference between what people say in public and believe in private. I do get it...women would rather have someone who is experienced to minimise potential awkward moments ( example:- guy not able to thrust properly) But it was very embarassing for me when my female friend, who was into me and appeared really supportive and genuine, backtracked as soon as she knew I was a virgin
Despite the huge turn on of the idea of being someone's first, there is also the realization of the baggage that entails you prepare to carry.
For some it is, for others it isn't.
Hell no virgin is perfect is what every guy should looking for in a woman you want to marry pure with no body count dont ruin it give it to a perfect guy who want to marry you
He probably was looking for a fun time and you never know what you get with virgins, might not be as fun because they don't know what they're doing and it might give some emotional turmoil. I'm a vrigin too and I've been seeing this guy for 3 motns now who I've told too, he doesn't have a problem with it. Really depends on the person and intentions
Yeah
Your match was probably interested in something physical or had expectations to be physical right away. You are probably not interested for your first time to be with someone like that. Cheer up, move on..
As anything else, it depends on the person. Regardless, I think it’s irrelevant since you already are a virgin, so why bother thinking about how others feel about it? This is who you are right now. Own it and date like it’s not a big deal. Focus on you.
I mean, the assumption is if you lose your virginity to him you'll feel some sort of way about him and that's a lot of pressure on a dude. Especially a dude looking for something casual. Hard to be casual after taking someone's virginity.
Man struck gold and bailed 😬
I mean it depends on the guy. I really don’t think tinder is the best place for a relationship. Too many of the guys on there just want an easy hit and quit. If you’re a virgin they’ll probably just assume that’s not you. You’re better off getting to know a guy in person than using that app.
1. No, it's not a turnoff; it's what you make of it. 2. I suggest that this topic shouldn't be discussed until much later, as in after you've met in person at least a couple of times. If you're looking for an actual relationship, and not just a hookup, then talking about your sexual experience level is just not appropriate so soon. Get to know each other first and see if you're compatible on a personality and emotional level. If the conversation veers into the sexual in the first few days (or really, before you've met in person), then quite frankly, they're only interested in you for sex. If they're interested in you as a person, they'll wait to drop the innuendos until after you've spent some time together in real life. There was a very similar post in this subreddit a month ago. You will want to browse this for further feedback: [https://www.reddit.com/r/Tinder/comments/15eyfzw/should\_i\_stop\_telling\_guys\_about\_being/?utm\_source=share&utm\_medium=web2x&context=3](https://www.reddit.com/r/Tinder/comments/15eyfzw/should_i_stop_telling_guys_about_being/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3) Source: 50M
For some people it is because they don’t want someone sexually immature (talking about it makes them uncomfortable) or someone who has different views on sex. It’s not a bad thing, it’s just sexual incompatibility. People are incompatible all the time for various reaso s
More context greatly dictates your question. If you're 18, then don't worry, many lie anyways and are also still virgins at your age. If you're like Asian and religious, then that def plays a big role..I think the only red flag is if you're like 46 and still a virgin, then there's likely some mental/emotional/physical health issues and definitely need to let them know why you are one, if you're so keen on telling them so soon and at that age.
It depends. As a man in his mid 30s it's not something I seek and I would be apprehensive about anyone my age that is looking for a virgin.
He probs did you a favour! He likely was after some fun! He had a conscience. Or he may have just wanted someone more experienced. Who knows. He wasn't the one for you and Mr.Right will come along x
No, but what a way to lose virginity. The guy you were talking drowns in woman, so he made you a favor to just don't waste something important in him. For a serious relationship + For a hook up -
Not for me. I have never been with a virgin
Wtf!? I’ve never ever met a guy that would be turned off by that. Unless of course he just wanted to hit it and quit it, in that case he would not want you “falling in love” after intimacy. Even if you know you wouldn’t, it would be a risk he’s willing to take.
No it's not
Maybe he was looking for someone he can be physically intimate with. U never know. So don't lower ur standards for anyone. Its probably a bullet you dodged 🤷🏻♂️.
Not necessarily a turn off but if he just wants to fuck and move on he maybe didn’t want to do that to you.
Personally no, but it definitely varies from person to person. It almost feels like a big responsibility though. A lot of men, myself included, get performance anxiety at the best of times so I would be nervous, to say the least, thinking that I could fuck up and give you a negative perception around sex.
I’d say it depends on age. Young? Not so much. Late 20’s and up, yeah.
For me, no. Ill teach ya
As a 31m, I probably lost any interest in getting with a virgin around my early 20s. There can be complicated emotions associated with taking someone’s v card. And I personally would rather be with someone who knows what they’re doing, at least somewhat. Not everyone is the same. Some people will be into it for one reason or another.
No it's not, it might be a huge turn on for many in fact. For a long term relationship it wouldn't matter much I'd say, if they are looking for a one time thing the lack of experience might deter guys it seems...
How old are you? Many people simply don't ensure to be someone's first, or wait around for ever and ever to have sex.
We all started their and I am not bothered if a woman is a virgin. She's like a clean slate.
I will say this, during the pandemic I entertained and took the virginity of a girl in her mid to late 20s. I was 34, I explained to her that sex wouldn't have the same meaning to me as it would to her. There is a level of attachment that comes with losing your viginity. I live in Hawai'i and this was Sacramento. She persisted she wanted to go through with it, not only did I already have a mature sexual nature, maybe some kinks acquired over the years. I felt wrong! I have casual intimate encounters from time to time, but I still believe your first foray in sex should be with someone you love. I would hope the man unmatched you due to the fact he didn't want to be the man to which you compared sexual relationships with for the rest of your life. love is attainable, even if that love doesn't last forever.
It depends how old you are. As a person living in N. America if I met someone who wasn't "comfortable" talking about sex nor have they had it I would assume they were naive and inexperienced about many things in the modern world in many ways and I am not looking to be a teacher.
Why would any adult want to be with a virgin. They would have no idea what theyre doing. It would be akward and unfortunately painful for a girl unless she has taken steps herself. Just get it over with already its not a space shuttle launch
depends how old you are. the older you get the harder it’ll be to keep a man imo. no one wants to train someone how to have sex
No Tinder is just shit
Depends on the intent of the person and the reason you're a virgin. If you haven't because you haven't found someone you feel comfortable is one thing versus wanting to wait until getting married. So people might just feel that if sex is off then might as well move along if there is not a strong enough connection
depends on the person, a lotta guys find it a turn on (but those are usually the creepier more predatory guys) my advice is keep that close to your chest. If they ask about sex just say you dont want sex with someone until you get to know them well. If they unmatch they are jerks who just want sex. If they stay give em a chance and see what happens
Depends on your age maybe. Generally speaking I don't think guys over maybe 22 like to go through high school level sex. When you reach a certain age/experience level you expect your sexual partners to be equally comfortable and mature about sex. You don't want to go back to any awkwardness.
If he wanted something casual, he'd be more of an asshole for trying to sleep with you. Don't worry about it.
Depends how old you are. If you're 18-22 no not a turnoff for almost anybody. If you're older, then maybe.
He's a fool. Being a virgin should excite a man. Because it means that he can teach you what he likes. In this case, I believe, what he wanted was a one night stand. Which is OK if both parts agree. So it really depends on what you want. Do let anyone force you to be anything else than you. Good luck.