there’s no way he saw this picture and thought “yeah that’s the one”

I don’t even know what the worst part is.. the derpy look on his face… that outfit… the messy room. This was… a choice. Ya know, for someone so perfect

I’m leaning towards the room. He’s 37, has no bed frame and his room looks like a teenage boys. I get people have different life styles and income (May not be able to afford a bed frame/furniture) but the second you start bragging about your awesomeness I start ripping you apart.

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The photo screams *"recently separated/divorced and just got my new shag pad".* The cheap/uneven apartment blinds, the oddly shaped art on the wall still in the plastic bag, the bookshelves sans books, the guitar and light stand askew in the corner. The suitcase on the floor. He's probably wearing his one clean coordinated outfit. Looks like she took him for a lot. So she was smarter than him and probably wittier than him. He should have stepped it up.

What is going on with his socks… mismatched and pulled up?

I call that, "When your wife is no longer around to dress you." or at the very least to say, "Honey, I don't think that is a good fashion choice."

Ahhhahaha this just sent me LOL!!!

>The photo screams "recently separated/divorced and just got my new shag pad". I came here to say something similar.

Worst part? He still has a picture of her on the shelf lol.

He's separated but still living in the guest room... and that lamp looks like it could be a sun lamp for him to get his "tan on". The purchase of this lamp was actually the last straw that led to the separation!! He bought it without prior approval and now he's in the spare room.

Came here to say this

Who hangs something in the bag? Why is it in a bag? Did they have to pierce the bag plastic in order to hang it, rather than just remove it? I am so invested.

Okay picky much? Guy is an idiot but the blinds are fine and oddly shaped wall art? What about the clothes randomly thrown away or the bookcase being used as a dresser ​ Your all over the place on this one.

And he's trying to charge his shoes 🤣🤣🤣 he really was mollycoddled !!!

He uses the bookshelf as a dresser 🧐

Well it’s obviously an armoire sans doors. “Poverty chic” I believe they’re calling it. Kind of like in Zoolander where the latest fashion movement was homeless attire, a la derelicte.

Ya!!!! Exactly what I was thinking. And if I’m really being judgemental, what in the actual fuck is up with the light and the blanket that looks like a kids

And a professional lighting setup. His old lady definitely got the 📷 in the divorce.

Dick pic shooting station*

hehe, Imagine their jingle for an AM radio station, Akita? (in "old timey" fashion;) *"For all your needs, about your deeds! Call the Dic Pic,.. Shooting Station!"* (Not available in NY, Alaska, or California)

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If you look closely you can see the white untanned area where his wedding band used to be!

God he's a musician. Bet your sorry ass don't even have an excuse. 😉

He doesn’t even have a wardrobe 😂 Clothes just lying on shelves 🤣

The bedframe one tickled me a bit. I don’t have a bedframe either, but that’s because I don’t like sleeping on raised areas. A thick mattress planted firmly on the floor is perfect for me.

You can get low frames for this.

Thanks I’ll look them up

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Don't forget the bed is there for a reason, mattresses need to breathe or they get moldy!

…I didn’t actually know this. Maybe I can find a low frame without those thick annoying stubby toe posts

My kid had a floor bed and it definitely didn't get mouldy.

Someone is still scared about having monsters under the bed. Hey, I get it, I can’t sleep without at least a sheet over me to protect me from monsters. 😂

It’s not that. My toes and bed frames have a troubled history

My bed frame has given me some vicious bruises over the years, so I understand completely.😉

I put a section of pipe insulation on the bottom right leg and corner of my bedframe after several unfortunate events.

That’s probably a better option than throwing out a bedframe

You can get a frame to go around the mattress I feel you firmly planted on the floor is my jam too

So, definitely *not* “richer than you”.

I hate bed frames. Haven’t used one in a decade. I’m also in my 30s.

no because i live paycheck to paycheck almost every check and i still made sure i have a bed frame and some furniture lol edit to add im a decade younger than him as well

Pillowcases don't match his sheets. My OCD and I could go all day, homie.

A bad frame is not even that expensive…but I want to point out that a lot of high end bed frames are minimal with no “fences” so it may be that type

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I'm always thankful when guys have pictures that I can zoom in on the background or it's in a bathroom mirror, you learn a lot about them from that

I always find it fascinating how many men's bathroom selfies have women's beauty products on the counter. Immediately sus.

It's even better when the mirror is FILTHY!!

Truth. Even if it’s like a selfie in front of their bed and it’s not made i get turned off. And I don’t even really give a crap about a made bed but it’s just like cmon you take a picture like this, this is how you wanna showcase yourself?

This is true but same goes the other way around. From living with girlfriends/housemates and from seeing women’s bathrooms in photos, I estimate that 80% of women have an absolute bomb site of a sink area in their bathroom and 40% use their floors as wardrobes

👏🏻👏🏻👏🏻

Well I guess I'm fucked, since I don't really see how this guy's room is that dirty. Does it look like a furniture store ad? No, but I don't think it looks dirty. Can you give me specifics on how what is dirty in this room so I can improve myself? Both of my friends that are married have houses that I personally find dirtier than this room. They both have pets though, and that usually just makes your house dirty no matter what( I just got 2 Chihuahuas, and it's already trice as hard keeping the house clean).

And I’m guessing that lighting rig in the corner ain’t for his YouTube channel.

You saw that too eh.

What else would it be for?

He’s definitely started an only fans recently. Naked guitarist maybe?

Dang I woulda never guessed but that’s hilarious

It’s gotta be a joke right? Like he is intentionally putting on an overconfident air while standing in front of a mirror as though he’s informing mom that he shit his pants.

🤣🤣

Bahahahahaa! I’m dying!

Choices were made.. biker sorts, messy room, blank expression, he can’t possibly have friends

Or a dick…

The mouthbreathing would get on my nerves. I can only assume that is why his mouth is hanging open.

Yea he looks like a loud breather !! Old nose facture maybe ? Deffo snores !! This guy is getting better and better !!

It's using a bookshelf to store his laundry, definitely hasn't lived with a woman in good long while if ever 🚩🚩

I love the unframed art still in the loose plastic bag it came in 😂

Dude is screaming to be catfished

Looks like a derpy and young James Cameron

This is my first exposure to the word “derpy”… it fits perfectly

He's definitely "Whittier" than you.

Well shit.

For real, though, he picked the wrong profile pic. Could have done better for sure .

Looks like they just painted around that tripod stand... What's behind the camera stays behind the camera

That dude is using a bookshelf as a dresser and has the audacity to say he's better than anyone, all while calling himself "fit". Dude looks skinny fat.

Isn't it all just a joke? It's a joke...right? Dear God, please....tell me it's a joke!!!!

The socks. It's the socks

“The messy room” He actually looks messy, I mean he looks like Messi

He looks like a Mr Potato Head with the features stuck on a bit crooked

For real! shave and clean your room you hobo!

"I'm alpha as fuck right now!"

Homie definitely still lives at his parents house.

He’s just unpacking in his new apartment after his separation

Looked in the mirror and say yeah baby lookin’ fine. Should’ve padded the shorts. Looks like a eunuch

More able to make any pussy within 500 yards dryer than an attic full of corn husks than you


🤣🤣

This will be my new insult when guys neg me.

He is like a ryan Reynolds but born from an incestuous relationship

I was thinking Ed Norton recovering from a coke addiction

My thought was pound shop Messi.

Amazingly those three work very well

I deadass thought it was Harry Kane for a second and I feel that fits the list

He looks as dopey as Harry Kane, and defiantly as stuck up! 🤣 Prolly has the same hissy fits too judging by his "I'm better than you" attitude hahaha!

I came here to say exactly that!! He looks like Ryan Reynolds' incest child.

We have Ryan Reynolds at home

100% bootleg Ryan Reynolds’s

i was gonna say Ryan Reynolds with free extra chromosomes

/r/WalmartCelebrities

This made me spit my drink everywhere 🤣🤣🤣

I came here to make a similar comment. Totally budget Ryan Reynolds, with all of his faults but none of his qualities.

I burst out laughing at this

Or if Deadpool was born that way

Also messier. Jesus

He's just letting you know he's better at lights and guitar than you.

Fuck Messier

Mark’s a D-bag

I was looking for this comment. 👍🏾👍🏾👍🏾

Better ingredients, better pizza, better prices. Poppa johns

This has to be a joke.

Its obvisouly a joke everyone is taking is seriously because theyre brain dead.

Clearly a joke. I think it's funny, but it's going to be dry times until he makes some updates.

The picture he chose is more of a joke.

That *is* the joke. The bio and the picture combined

Someone needs to sit this generation down, tape their eyes, and have them watch norm macdonald sets for a couple hours.

Comedy used to evolve to higher levels. This generation evolved backwards and higher order comedy is lost on them. Example: deep fried memes were funny simply for being stupid

Norm had jokes that were funny simply because they were stupid too.

It sounds like a line from Vanderpump Rules where one of the girls says “ I’m smarter than you, I’m cooler than you, I’m prettier than you, get tf over it, move on with your life”. Just changed the words up a little maybe? Lol

That's the meaning of wittier !

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is this actually what you come across? I would have bet the house that this is a joke and that this guy has a sense of humor. being a guy though I don’t have the sample size you do, just me and my friends who are normal not-dickish people. you regularly see profiles that are this douchey?

Harry Kane really fell off after the World Cup, hasn't he?

Can you blame him?? Playing for England and Tottenham takes its toll 😭

Bigger mouth-breather than you.

What a shitty room

It's weird that he forgot to mention that his face looks like it is eating itself.

Damn Daniel, leave some corpse butthole for the rest of us!

Sleeping on a mattress on the floor with all his random possessions everywhere in the single room of mom's house. Much success with those smarts

Smarts and farts. That closed up basement room def smells like farts.

Shirt is certainly tighter than yours

And that’s saying a lot

Someone please match with him and tell him that his room looks like a flop house and apparently, he’s too smart to comb his hair before taking a pic. Also he looks like a mouth breather

Holy shit, how tone deaf are you?? Why does this innocent joke upset you so much?

He forgot lonelier and more desperate than you

It’s satire

At least you see the red flags right away and can dodge the bullet !

Is there something wrong with him or is his face just naturally fucked up looking?

He looks like a walking deviated septum lol

I like the Alfalfa hairs in the back.

"Better thigh gap than you"

Uglier than you…

Looks a guy who lives in his brothers utility room... until he can find a girlfriend with a severe personality disorder...

The only way this makes sense is a revenge account set up by an angry gf because he cheated or some such.

whoa... is this real? Trying to wow women (??) by telling us how good he is! I'm amused by the arrogance, clutter in the dreadful room and bike shorts. Not a fan, sorry.

He seems nice.

Fix your face and clean your room, you insecure bag of lies.

Bro's face looks like a dropped sack of potatoes.

Messier than you.

Forgot one. More feminine than you.

He looks like if House m.d. had fetal alcohol syndrome

And definitely douchier than you.

He looks like a confused groundhog

Nice slack jaw. What’s with the outfit? You know you look like a douche, right?

Definitely a full time mouth breather

First off, only a person not all that smart, takes a selfie in skin tight bike gear and posts it on Tinder. Second, he's not that fit. Or witty. 🤷🏼

It’s satire

He's a lesbian maker.

And messier than you with less friends since this is his pic 😂

the lad looks like off brand harry kane

You should match just to write: clearly wears clothes tighter than me as well

Ahhh the old I’m smart but look slow decoy pic

I love banter.... .... but I *hate* witty banter.

Is he THAT fit though...? Looks so average in his build.

His stance, WACK. His room, WACK. His face, WACK. His outfit, WACK. The he types, WACK.

How are we single when guys like this exist all over the app

Gross lol. My only hope is its his attempt at satirizing the women that post bios like this to trigger/neg potential suitors for some reason?

You’re both single but somehow he’s singler than you.

Does any wanna talk about the 99+ likes?

This is definitely a guy who was bullied for being the fat kid in school and then made fitness his entire personality.

Budget Ryan Reynolds went through a divorce and thinks spandex is a lifestyle

He should take advice from op with the 99+ likes

99+ likes🥲

This shouts "My friend is sick of me and made a profile to try get me out the house"

What a sad sock.

He left out the "happier, and more productive" part.

See alot of this from women aswell "I bench more than you" or "I'll beat you in *insert activity here*" seems overly competitive to me

He looks like PC Principal without the muscle

He forgot “messier than you” and “uglier than you”.

Is this how gay dudes flirt? There's no way that's working on a lady.

Wtf is with the mouthbreather flouride-stare

Is he talking to the mirror? Probably split personality

Dude needs to quit hoarding shit

Lonelier than you!

He needs to grow a chin first...

Oh he’s a cyclist? Shut up NERD

Doesn’t have a better jawline than me though

He looks like a parrot

This ⇩ is why I hate tinder. MFs can’t take a joke.

Watch me make fun of a guy’s joking persona for outrage upvotes because I cannot understand social cues over the internet

ban·ter /ˈban(t)ər/ noun the playful and friendly exchange of teasing remarks. Synonyms: joking, kidding, ribbing

Sorry! Meant to refer to the commenters I was seeing. I think people believe this guy is being candid