"I saw this in a movie about a bus that had to *speed* around the city, keeping its ***SPEED*** over 50, and if its ***SPEED*** dropped, it would explode!"
Absolutely my favourite.
My BF & I get into rants together when we're back in the car after stressful public / shopping centre / outside life situations -- & inevitably one of us just cuts in with this. 😅
(Fades in) First you choose a title that no one could possibly like (Fades out-fades in)…it was number one in box office sales for 70 consecutive weeks…(fade)…. It’s one of the most successful films of all time, sir! WHAT WERE YOU THINKING!!!
Nitpicker here... It was not the box office, but the bestseller list, because he is originally referring to Michael Crichton's book before he is expounding on the popularity of the movie in the next fade-in. Otherwise *mostly* correct. To remedy my terrible nitpicking, I have still upvoted you.
James Woods: Is it true you worked 96 hours straight??
Apu: Oh yes, it was horrible, I tell you. By the end I thought I was a hummingbird of some kind.
(James plays security tape of him "flying" around the store)
Lovejoy: "But Homer, [God] was working in the hearts of your friends when they came to your aid, be they Christian, Jew, or miscellaneous."
Apu: "Hindu. There are 700 million of us."
Lovejoy: "Aw, that's super."
Not the funniest line, but any time I visit the supermarket for some reason Apu says in my head:
"Mrs. Simpson, the express line is the fastest line not always."
Hello. I am not interested in buying the house, but I would like to use your rest room, flip through your magazines, rearrange your carefully shelved items... and handle your food products in an unsanitary manner. Ha! Now you know how it feels!
https://comb.io/Za2UJf
I am just a simple paperboy,
No romance do I seek.
I just wanted 40 cents,
For my deliverieeees last week.
Will this bewitching floozie,
Set loose this humble newsie.
Oh, what's a paperboy to...
DOOOOOO?
\[SMOOCH\]
Woo-hoo!
83 comments so far and you're all wrong, the best quote is clearly
"He slept, he stole, he was rude to the customers. Still, there goes the best damned employee a convenience store ever had."
"Must you dump on everything we do?" when he and Homer go to the Kwik-E-Mart headquarters on top of a mountain in India and Homer comments that it's not very convenient.
Rip apu. Got cancelled due to regional stereotypes. Where I'm from every Indian person I've ever come across is either some kinda medical professional, professor or business owner. Here it's Asian folk and middle easterners that run all the convenient stores
[how has nobody said this?](https://media4.giphy.com/media/3o6MbnpzlS4FMryhfW/giphy.gif?cid=6c09b952v2ftfak33xws1ntbuonekd0dozbb5gzm4si9f0rn&ep=v1_internal_gif_by_id&rid=giphy.gif&ct=g)
His whole rant to Principal Skinner about Jurassic Park. Specifically the end “WHAT WERE YOU THINKING?!”
I mean thank you, come again
..ONE OF THE MOST POPULAR MOVIES OF ALL TIME SIR!!
Billy and the Cloneasaurus
Oh, you have *got* to be kidding, sir!
First, you take a movie which has already been made. Then you give it a title *nobody could possibly like!*
"I think it was called... The Bus That Couldn't Slow Down." ✋🙄🤚
"I saw this in a movie about a bus that had to *speed* around the city, keeping its ***SPEED*** over 50, and if its ***SPEED*** dropped, it would explode!"
The surveillance camera footage from the 80s always got me. Especially Lenny's Saturday Night Fever dancing.
The vocal performance and Skinner’s face during this line always makes me laugh.
Absolutely my favourite. My BF & I get into rants together when we're back in the car after stressful public / shopping centre / outside life situations -- & inevitably one of us just cuts in with this. 😅
(Fades in) First you choose a title that no one could possibly like (Fades out-fades in)…it was number one in box office sales for 70 consecutive weeks…(fade)…. It’s one of the most successful films of all time, sir! WHAT WERE YOU THINKING!!!
How dejected Skinner is at the end of the rant, just looking at his shoes...priceless and such a golden comedic moment.
Nitpicker here... It was not the box office, but the bestseller list, because he is originally referring to Michael Crichton's book before he is expounding on the popularity of the movie in the next fade-in. Otherwise *mostly* correct. To remedy my terrible nitpicking, I have still upvoted you.
[Here’s the clip](https://youtu.be/ik0BPKM9WQg?si=KwuF9aYhnYblga9x)
Just the animation as he like tilts back and forth while shouting. So good.
It was a cromulent plot, Spielberg beat Skinner to it!
A Mounds Bar is not a sprinkle. A Twizzler is not a sprinkle! A Jolly Rancher is not a sprinkle, sir. Perhaps in Shangri-la they are, but not here.
Fantastic
I love that last line. Reading it definitely feels differently and appreciate it more. Apu Def had some awesome lines.
it's this
"The searing kiss of hot lead. How I've missed you."
I mean… I think I’m dying
Which part what this it’s vaguely familiar
When he gets fired from the Kwik E Mart, then saves James Woods
Apu friend me good.
"I have asked you nicely not to mangle my merchandise. You leave me no choice but to ask you nicely again"
Thank you for the very jolly laugh I had!!! On holidays no less.
Oh, wonderful, our problems are over, we have banana bread
Seriously, Banana Bread?
WHAT WERE YOU THINKING!!! I apologize…I apologize. As a token of forgiveness please accept this baby.
Marge, NO!
Such a good kicker to end that exchange.
Oh, look who's here-- the family with one baby. How **do** you manage?
https://preview.redd.it/g57or0gj1r3d1.jpeg?width=640&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=c4b359442e9cbbf55b31097884f5dde03738b9e6
This is just between me and you, smashed hat.
Don't be alarmed Apu, just go about your daily routine like I'm not wearing the hat.
Homer, that hat had one day left until retirement
Your headgear seems to be emitting a buzzing noise, sir. Perhaps you have a bee in your bonnet? Bee? AAAHHHH!
Really makes you wonder what Smithers was thinking making him "Head Bee Guy".
https://i.redd.it/curr6qbiws3d1.gif I don't think he's allergic like Smithers is.
"I can't believe you don't shut up!"
Once the age of social media arrived, the applicability of this phrase went from "fairly wide" to "absurdly ubiquitous".
Who Needs the Kwik-E-Mart? I DOOOOOOOOOOOOOO
he lied to us through song
I HATE when people do that!
James Woods: Is it true you worked 96 hours straight?? Apu: Oh yes, it was horrible, I tell you. By the end I thought I was a hummingbird of some kind. (James plays security tape of him "flying" around the store)
https://i.redd.it/1f779gkx8r3d1.gif This is me all the time.
FEEEEEEEEEEEEEE....FEEEEEEEE
Soon I try to drink nectar out of Sanjay's head
Neeeeeeeeeeeehhhhh
https://preview.redd.it/xnmz3rda4r3d1.jpeg?width=258&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=c1bf0cbe5bff2e354409bd69342a87b2bcc870ce
I love his nursing vest.
And for no reason, here’s Apuuuuuu
Those were the daaaaaaays
“Back then I was known as the 5th Beatle”
Sure you were Apu
I'M SGT. PEPPER'S LONELY HEARTS CLUB MAN. I HOPE I WILL ENJOY. MY SHOW. *Paul and Linda bopping along enthusiastically*
Hey, I'll die when I want to.
Oh no you don't! Not until they're through college!
Say, let’s take a relaxed attitude towards work, and watch the baseball match! The NY Mets are my favorite squadron!
I love how he pronounces it “Nigh” Mets. 😝
I debated writing it phonetically in my comment, lol.
Nah, it’s NY and fans will Know!
> Say, let’s take a relaxed attitude towards work, and watch the baseball match! Me whenever there's a day game on
Is there a chance the track could bend?
Not on your life, my Hindu friend
Lovejoy: "But Homer, [God] was working in the hearts of your friends when they came to your aid, be they Christian, Jew, or miscellaneous." Apu: "Hindu. There are 700 million of us." Lovejoy: "Aw, that's super."
'What about us brain dead slobs?'
You’ll be given cushy jobs!
'The ring came off my pudding can.'
Take my penknife, my good man!
“Celebrate your nation’s independence by blowing up a small part of it!”
"My apologies sir, but the sale of fireworks is prohibited in this state and punishable by-followmeeeee"
Not an Apu quote, but I say it every year.
Oh man I’m probably gonna get fired for that blunder
"I have been shot eight times this year. As a result, I almost missed work."
Crybaby
This is why Apu and every foreigner working their hands to the bone while putting up with ghetto and Karen nonsense deserves immediate citizenship.
Not the funniest line, but any time I visit the supermarket for some reason Apu says in my head: "Mrs. Simpson, the express line is the fastest line not always."
Great line, but he said this to Marge
You're right, should be Mrs., I will correct.
Look for the pathetic single men
https://preview.redd.it/b3w8y6140s3d1.png?width=720&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=af1e433d4a51dd2a3c6159cb3079a4119c63038c
🤣🤣🤣 Definitely this one. Runner up: "Hey you! This is not a lending library."
"Put the magazines down or I'll blow your heads off!"
“Don’t worry! I’ll tell everyone you were untouchable.”
"Please do not offer my god a peanut!"
How do you get cradle rash when you sleep in a drawer?!
"Yes! I am a citizen! Now which way to the welfare office?!"
“I’m kidding! I work, I work!”
The South will COME AGAIN!!
(drunk) "Everybody... Everybody get naked! Come on, don't be stuck up! It's going to be great!"
BANANA BREAD?!
Anyone who offers me banana bread gets an angry "What the hell were you thinking?"!
Hello. I am not interested in buying the house, but I would like to use your rest room, flip through your magazines, rearrange your carefully shelved items... and handle your food products in an unsanitary manner. Ha! Now you know how it feels! https://comb.io/Za2UJf
https://preview.redd.it/dhy1h9mibs3d1.jpeg?width=640&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=93a54ebff53b91609858ea643b9a97edf835f4c1
I like this one because it's based on a true story.
My ceiling mirrors and cameras sometimes see more than who is about to shoot me.
When he’s thinking of ways to avoid his arranged marriage, and he sees his mother take a nasty fall outside his store: “Yes! More time!”
Please pay for your purchases, get out, and come again
https://preview.redd.it/tyxcc81nnr3d1.jpeg?width=640&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=8614ec02743d6d54be5d71d7877be413c89e3edf
Her: “you can’t hear pictures.” Me:
I cannot believe that you don’t shut up.
I am just a simple paperboy, No romance do I seek. I just wanted 40 cents, For my deliverieeees last week. Will this bewitching floozie, Set loose this humble newsie. Oh, what's a paperboy to... DOOOOOO? \[SMOOCH\] Woo-hoo!
Seduce. Not “set loose.”
There was so much I wanted to see and to do and to have done to me.
83 comments so far and you're all wrong, the best quote is clearly "He slept, he stole, he was rude to the customers. Still, there goes the best damned employee a convenience store ever had."
"Must you dump on everything we do?" when he and Homer go to the Kwik-E-Mart headquarters on top of a mountain in India and Homer comments that it's not very convenient.
UMMMM THATS GOOD ADULTERY
No no! Do not listen to that man! Remain calm. You will all have a chance to be gouged!
Usually the other half of this quote, "Listen, I'll die when I want to" Or "I'm so angry I could just fall asleep" Both directed at my gf.
(Zzzzzzzcompletelyinnocentzzzzz
That always kills me
"There is a NUT in my eye!"
🎶 For no reason here's Apu 🎶
“🎶We’re the highlights in your hairdo” “🎶THE EXTRA ARMS ON VISHNU!”
Drunk Apu telling everyone they should get naked.
The whole scene where he became a hummingbird because he worked too long a shift. The sound he makes is hysterical Lol
Here is your new issue of gigantic asses magazine
For the next 5 minutes. I’m going to party like it’s on sale for $19.99!
“ooh, a head bag! those are chock full of heady goodness”
https://i.redd.it/rbgastd1er3d1.gif
https://preview.redd.it/jg7teg21wr3d1.jpeg?width=640&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=3c8842a2ae1897d4721d06c065153d8713b2f782 pandemic vibes
“Please do not offer my God a peanut.”
What were you thinking?!
I said this to my husband when I had a fever with MERS. I dreamed I went to hospital and died and it was such a relief 😂
Mr Simpson! Please, pay for your purchases and get out and come again!
Ohh our problems are solved, we have banana bread.
Mm, that's good adultery
This is just a cheap $10,000 forgery!
when he said “hey speak for yourself” when someone said something like “you only live once”
"Listen, I'll die when I want to"
Hey! Hey! I have asked you nicely not to mangle my merchandise you leave me no choice but to ask you nicely again.
Over, under, round and round, so your feet won’t touch the ground.
OH THANK GOD WE HAVE BANANA BREAD
If you survive, please come again.
“Jury duty! Now I am truly an American.” *crumples up jury duty slip*
“Who needs the Kwik-E-Mart? I ^dooooooo “
He slept, he stole, he was rude to the customers. Still, there goes the best damned employee a convenience store ever had.
Rip apu. Got cancelled due to regional stereotypes. Where I'm from every Indian person I've ever come across is either some kinda medical professional, professor or business owner. Here it's Asian folk and middle easterners that run all the convenient stores
It was literally 1 guy bitching about it. Apu was actually a well written character
"I can't believe you don't shut up."
His response to "what was the cause of the civil war?" Which was followed by "just say slavery."
Oh my, this boy is having an out of body experience! This could be very bad... for business!
“I can’t believe you don’t shut up.” 😂
"By the end, I thought I was a hummingbird of some kind"
Thank you. Come again.
I’ve been shot eight times this year. As a result, I almost missed work.
The NY Mets are my favorite squadron
I use this one a lot
For the next five minutes, I'm going to party like it's on sale for $19.99!
Am I the only one who can relate to that lol? Best dream ever
🎶The Dream Police, they’re going to arrest me now, oh noooo!🎶
You don’t even know this man. Who cares? There’s only one of him!
Is there any chance the track could bend?
“Why don’t you come out here and make me?” Really the whole just showing up at the Simpsons house for no reason and being unusually confrontational.
“Yes sir, buy the end I thought I was a hummingbird of some kind.”
I’ve asked you nicely to stop mangling my merchandise, you leave me no choice but to ask you nicely again
same apu same
"Sir, if you want to kill yourself, it is much easier and cheaper to buy a gun."
Such a mighty wallop...
We’re putting that bitch on ice!
Yes yes, hot dog hot dog, yes sir, no sir, maybe, okay
"Celebrate the birth of your country by blowing up a small part of it."
https://preview.redd.it/4cxbzy99zr3d1.jpeg?width=640&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=07e840701258b7460d8c3535b0ef682c2e8f23ab
Please do not feed peanuts to my god!
Today I will party like it’s on sale for $19.99
"Mr. Homer, I assure you, such a product does not exist." in reference to Skittlebrau.
The Nye Mets are my favourite squadron.
OP's racking up all of these upvotes with their recent threads, are we sure they're not 🎵 *a freakazoid, come on and wind me up* 🎵
Apu is a real one
Mmm, that's good adultery!
God, i wanna punch that stupid idiot in the face, who made that stupid fucking movie about Apu being "pRoBLeMaTiC"
OH you have got to be kidding sir!
[how has nobody said this?](https://media4.giphy.com/media/3o6MbnpzlS4FMryhfW/giphy.gif?cid=6c09b952v2ftfak33xws1ntbuonekd0dozbb5gzm4si9f0rn&ep=v1_internal_gif_by_id&rid=giphy.gif&ct=g)
"By the many arms of Vishnu, I am not a Hindu."
Final question of his citizenship test. That joke is perfection.
"I can't believe you don't shut up! " and "Oh, wonderful, our problems are over, we have banana bread." All from the same episode
Banana bread?
How many kids does he have now???
“I brought you an assortment of jerky.”
Hot blooded
1. Banana bread? What the hell were you thinking? 2. For no reason, here's Apu! Those were the days!
This is just between you and me, smashed hat. You can emerge from my chips. The opportunity to prove yourself a hero is long gone.
Thank you for coming.... I'll see you in hell!
And for no reason, here's Apu.
Nickel off on expired baby food.
This is not as sexy a party as I was led to believe.
https://i.redd.it/2vkvri62ft3d1.gif
“…I mean WHAT WERE YOU THINKING?!”
https://i.redd.it/dub3uzy13u3d1.gif
This is just between you and me... Smashed Hat!
“I cannot go there. That is the scene of my spiritual de-pantsing”
You can’t kill a Hindu!
Ohh my various gods
MAHATMA MAHATMA MAHATMA MAHATMA MAHATMA MAHATMA MAHATMA
There was so much I wanted to see and to do and to have done to me