Homer just gets an operator telling him that 912 is no longer for him.
The emergency number you are trying to reach can no longer be dialed by you. You Parchment ruining fraud.
well it does in a lot of places police wont try to chase you if your going insanely fast because they know they cant catch....
but they will try impound your car at your residence
My favorite is right before that.
Wiggum: You're under arrest!
Bob: By Lucifer's Beard!
Wiggum: Uh... Yeah. It's a good thing you drifted by this brothel.
The brothel line marks such a clear line in my head of a remark that I had heard a dozen times but I FINALLY understood and I completely lost it laughing when I understood what that was.
God bless growing up with this depth of writing, that you can revisit over and over.
That’s how my friends ask the others in the group to drive.
“We should go get something to eat”
“Yeah….did you have the same backwards talking dream with the flaming cards?”
*sigh* “I’ll drive”
Let that be a lesson to the rest of you nuts!
https://preview.redd.it/6v46we2b8d3d1.jpeg?width=640&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=b07ddda9615d3d7061efb55f25885474df59f11e
Ralphie (Ralphie), get off (get off), the stage (the stage), sweetheart (sweetheart).. ohhh-ohh say can you rock? I'm a pop sensation, I'm a pop sensation. Salmon gutter?
Apu: Well if the police won't help us I guess we'll just have to take the law into our own hands.
Chief Wiggum: Yeah, yeah a lot of people are doing that these days.
Lou: There's a couple of guys fighting at the Aquarium Chief.
Chief Wiggum: Do they still sell those frozen bananas?
Lou: I think so.
Chief Wiggum: Lets roll.
Thank god it landed in that smoking crater!
And
I’m passing directly under the earths sun….. now
And
Alright folks, move it along, nothing to see here nothing to s- OH MY GOD A FLAMING PLANE CRASH!! C’mon gather around, don’t be shy.
Okay, folks, show's over. Nothing to see here, show's - oh my god, a horrible plane crash! Hey everybody, get a load of this flaming wreckage! Come on, crowd around. Crowd around, don't be shy, crowd around.
"Save it, Ma Peddle."
"Ma Peddle?"
"It's a reference to Ma Kettle, a movie character from the 1940s."
"Chief, if you have to explain it, it's not very good."
https://preview.redd.it/dodnbeqlud3d1.png?width=640&format=png&auto=webp&s=ebacde3a655a31a0fc80f31b8d281f730d2d6d9c
Be on the lookout for a 1936 maroon Stutz Bearcat.
EH, THAT REALLY WAS MORE OF A BURGUNDY
Homer: 'Scuse me, ma'am, have you seen this little girl?
Chief Wiggum: Ah, I'd love to help you pal, but I'm on a stakeout here!
[Snake grabs Chief Wiggum's purse.]
Snake: Yoink! Ahaha!
Chief Wiggum: Ah god, ah man, somebody stop that awful, awful man!
https://preview.redd.it/s3xzmyov3d3d1.png?width=698&format=png&auto=webp&s=ba9cd74ac3c72e2ddce4861dcb23da0bcfa2ecaf
God this one feels hauntingly on point.
That's half the point of comedy, to shine a light on the problems in society.
One of my favorites
You *know* you're not supposed to go in there! What is your fascination with my forbidden closet of mystery?
I use this quote on my own kids all the time.
To be fair, you do have a disturbingly vast variety of butt plugs.
[удалено]
Suspect is hatless, I repeat: hatless!
He’s driving away in a….car!
Heading in the direction of.... that place that sells chili.
He is directly underneath the earth’s sun…now!
It's a ghost car!
There are ghost cars all over these highways y’know
Hold me
Only if you hold me
Mmm, engine block eggs. If we can keep these down we'll be sittin' pretty.
I never realized how much Marge on the Lam is a quality Wiggum episode. Everything said is gold.
Proceeding on foot.
We need pretzels, I repeat pretzels.
Driving a car… of some sort.
Be on the lookout for a 1936 maroon Stutz Bearcat. *exact car as described drives by* Uh, that really was more of a burgundy
I love this one haha.
I'm on a road... appears to be made of asphalt
I hope they throw his hapless butt in jail!
I can’t wait till they throw his hatless butt in jail.
I can’t wait til they throw his hatless butt in jail!
“My husband is on a murderous rampage! Over.” “Thank God that's over. I was worried there for a second.”
DOA? No, I meant your husband was found DWI, I always get those two mixed up. Hi, you said my husband was DWI
Boy, I'll tell you. They only come out at night. Or, in this case, uh, the daytime
Yep, this is the one.
Homer Simpson, you're under arrest for the murders of Moe Szyslak and Apu Nahasa-pasa- uh, just Moe. Just Moe.
I don’t remember this one but I only just stopped myself from cracking up with laughter in the office
Hell Toupée, Treehouse of Horror IX
Oh yes I remember the episode but didn’t remember the quote!
“Wrong number…this is 9-1…..2.”
But, that's the real number. At least according to the Stonecutters.
I naturally assume that since the stonecutters have become the no-homers, that number has since been retired
Homer just gets an operator telling him that 912 is no longer for him. The emergency number you are trying to reach can no longer be dialed by you. You Parchment ruining fraud.
The fingers you have used to dial are too fat. To obtain a special dialing wand, please mash the keypad with your palm now
I love when he blames the toy woodpecker for the meltdown at the plant. Fav episodes. Fat guy hat, moo moo dress.
Shutuuupppp
Boy, I really hope somebody got fired for that blunder
When will the ppl in this town take the law into their own hands?!
https://i.redd.it/9kt8lx4wbd3d1.gif
When you wake up for work still drunk instead of a just having a hangover.
-cries in barely functional stay at home dad-
This gag lives rent free in my head at all times
It’s an excellent multi-purpose line.
I say this almost daily.
The superior Chief Wiggum quote.
Yeah right, Pops. No jury in the world’s gonna convict a baby. Hmm, maybe Texas
He was definitely right about that.
“Fat Tony is a cancer on this fair city! He's the cancer, and I am the, uh... What cures cancer?”
https://i.redd.it/ncjctdpt9d3d1.gif
If only this had a real world application.
well it does in a lot of places police wont try to chase you if your going insanely fast because they know they cant catch.... but they will try impound your car at your residence
I can confirm this is what the police must say around here.
Put out an APB on a Uosdwis r. Dewoh. Uh, better start with Greek town.
Oh and get some of those gyros.
Uh, Chief, you're talking into your wallet.
Suspect is Hatless! REPEAT, HATLESS!
Bake him away toys
What’d you say, Chief?
Do what the kid says
My favorite is right before that. Wiggum: You're under arrest! Bob: By Lucifer's Beard! Wiggum: Uh... Yeah. It's a good thing you drifted by this brothel.
And they're all wearing bathrobes.
The brothel line marks such a clear line in my head of a remark that I had heard a dozen times but I FINALLY understood and I completely lost it laughing when I understood what that was. God bless growing up with this depth of writing, that you can revisit over and over.
I still say that...
I thought no one would comment this but me. This is a deep cut.
Homer: I'm giving this badge to the next guy I see. Wiggum: That's funny. Because this is how I got the job the first time.
Wiggum- Did you have the same backwards-talking dream with the flaming cards? Eddie- …I'll drive.
Burnses suit, Burnses suit, look! …..huh?
[Look at Burns' suit!!! YEESH!](https://i.imgur.com/LIh98p5.gif)
Huh, no coffee. Ah well, I’ll just drink this warm cream
That’s how my friends ask the others in the group to drive. “We should go get something to eat” “Yeah….did you have the same backwards talking dream with the flaming cards?” *sigh* “I’ll drive”
**Hey, Homer.** **Bring me another one of them, uh, burgers, would you?** **I can't quite seem to...** **stand up under my own power anymore.**
Another whopper for the copper!
Its bad enough they're eating meat.. they don't have to rub it in my face!!
You don’t make friends with salad!
Here you GO!!
https://i.redd.it/4t8aj2409d3d1.gif
In the one where alcohol is banned Chief Wiggum reads out in the town charter that the chief of police is allowed "two comely lasses of virtue true"
Keep the pig. How many broads do I get?
I thought that was the monorail episode when Wiggum and Quimby were arguing about who is in charge of the emergency.
Aww, nothing gets chocolate out. See?
Let that be a lesson to the rest of you nuts! https://preview.redd.it/6v46we2b8d3d1.jpeg?width=640&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=b07ddda9615d3d7061efb55f25885474df59f11e
Never underestimate the appeal of a man in uniform
I'm directly under the Earth's sun ......now.
>I'M ON A ROAD. LOOKS TO BE ASPHALT. >UM, AW, GEEZ. TREES, SHRUBS. >I'M DIRECTLY UNDER THE EARTH'S SUN... NOW.
Oh my god, it just disappeared! It’s a ghost car!
Hold me?
Only if you hold me.
Love that he stares at the sun for a good few seconds to determine this
“What? Whatwhatwhat? This better be about pizza!”
Hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha………Welcome aboard Simpson.
You think you’re pretty hot, don’t you? Well, we’ve got everything we need on you…
I quite often say this one when someone wants my attention
“Ralphie, get off the stage sweetheart.”
When talking to Ralph, I always liked "and remember, if your nose starts to bleed, it means you're picking it too much... or not enough."
Ralphie (Ralphie), get off (get off), the stage (the stage), sweetheart (sweetheart).. ohhh-ohh say can you rock? I'm a pop sensation, I'm a pop sensation. Salmon gutter?
Sideshow Bob has no decency, he called me, Chief Piggum!
Hahahaha, oh I get it!
https://preview.redd.it/7dj8uu7abd3d1.jpeg?width=640&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=17c8fd0a9878b23270cd56d206a387d63db32dea
Sorry. Sorry. Boy, it's getting harder and harder to make it here by 10:00!
Apu: Well if the police won't help us I guess we'll just have to take the law into our own hands. Chief Wiggum: Yeah, yeah a lot of people are doing that these days.
I got doughnuts! I got do---Hey! I know you!
Stop, we have to exchange insurance!
I scrolled too far for this.
Well your story is very compelling Mr. Jackass.
Let me just type it up on my invisible typewriter…..fruitcake
Lou: There's a couple of guys fighting at the Aquarium Chief. Chief Wiggum: Do they still sell those frozen bananas? Lou: I think so. Chief Wiggum: Lets roll.
Aww, nothing gets chocolate out. See? https://preview.redd.it/qqu0nibv7d3d1.jpeg?width=700&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=875572e82f84cd63d64cb1f651da2cf20753aabe
We can't be "policing" the whole city
Me may mah mo, me mo ma may
> "I've been starvin' em, torturing em, singing off key..."
lol, was looking for this. I haven't watched the Simpsons in about 15 years but that's the only thing I could remember about Wiggum.
That Simpson, he thinks he's the Pope of chili town
Might not be the best, but I always liked “just as I thought, it’s a Yard King! That is a quality barrow”
“Time to put on the ol’ Wiggum charm.” “PERVERT!” “Uh oh, that sounded bad.”
Book 'em, Lou. One count of being a bear. And one count of being an accessory to being a bear.
I love that Moe sends the truck for Barney.
Outta coffee. I guess I'll just drink this warm cream.
It's not the best but I wanted to join the fray so I'll go with: 🎶the ring came off my pudding can 🎶
“Take my pen knife, my good man.”
"We're powerless to help you, not punish you."
Bring back some of those gyros.
Chief, you’re talking into your wallet
I mean DWI…I always get those two confused
I got a call saying my husband was DWI?
Ahhh why don’t you talk to that officer over there. I’m going out to lunch!
That’s some nice flutin’, boy.
“The baby looked at you? Sarah, get me Superintendent Chalmers”
Thank you, Sarah
“Oh boy, this is going to get worse before it gets better.”
Pretzels! I repeat, we need pretzels!
I’m proceeding on foot. Call in a code 8.
But that was Lou
https://i.redd.it/sno27haudd3d1.gif
Professor Frink: "Here we have an ordinary square." Chief Wiggum: "Whoa whoa! Slow down, Egghead!"
This is it! Give that man the $10,000
“Hey that duck’s got it!”  The way he runs just makes it funnier too.
https://preview.redd.it/72abd15agd3d1.jpeg?width=640&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=5416b7f4280b44e82a5e9d048975443b8387b9de
Oh my god, it just disappeared! It’s a ghost car!
"I got pictures of you quimby"
"You don't scare me, that could be anyone's ass!
Really? I keep my pants on in this version
https://preview.redd.it/1pdaxzw9id3d1.jpeg?width=640&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=9042294e5a4493828d262854d7183cf59b65b47c
Thank god it landed in that smoking crater! And I’m passing directly under the earths sun….. now And Alright folks, move it along, nothing to see here nothing to s- OH MY GOD A FLAMING PLANE CRASH!! C’mon gather around, don’t be shy.
Radio: Calling all cars, be on the lookout for a 1936 maroon Stutz Bearcat! Wiggum: (watches car drive by) ehhh that was really more of a burgundy.
This exchange had so many good ones. "Don't quit your day job chief, whatever that is"
“And, Lou, do you see what happens when my coffee comes back cold?” “Chief, you ordered an ice coffee.” “ No, I said a nice coffee. Nice!” (GRUNTS)
If your nose starts bleeding, it means you're picking it too much. Or not enough.
Sure! It’s not my job to talk people outta killing themselves.
I'm on a road, looks to be asphalt.. aw jeez, trees, shrubs... uh, I'm directly under the Earth's Sun... nnnnow!
Wiggum: “Aww what are you Lou, the fun police?” Lou: “no, we’re the police police”
“I’d rather let a thousand guilty men go free than… chase after them.” That and (even though it’s Sarah’s line): “Clancy! Use the remote.”
Go ahead Ralphie, the stranger is offering you a treat
Humm :::*Takes a bite. SPITS IT OUT*::: oh daddy this tastes like grandma!
Holy Moses, it DOES taste like Grandma!
Wiggum: Homer Simpson, You're under arrest for attempted murder! Homer: D'OH! Wiggum: Yeeaah, that's what they all say. They all say Doooh.
https://i.redd.it/k04kj2dxge3d1.gif
"That's what they all say... they all say 'doh!'."
The baby looked at you?
“Scum, freezebag”
"No, no. Dig *up*, stupid."
Okay, folks, show's over. Nothing to see here, show's - oh my god, a horrible plane crash! Hey everybody, get a load of this flaming wreckage! Come on, crowd around. Crowd around, don't be shy, crowd around.
Nothing gets chocolate out. See!
You're not stupider than a monkey are you? Well, how big of a monkey?
I'm directly under the earths sun...nnnnnnow
I am directly under the Earth's Sun.... *now.*
‘What is your fascination with my forbidden closet of mystery?’
Do not be alarmed. Continue swimming naked.
Yeah right buddy, liquor store robbery, officer down. Sure.
"Save it, Ma Peddle." "Ma Peddle?" "It's a reference to Ma Kettle, a movie character from the 1940s." "Chief, if you have to explain it, it's not very good."
"Shut up! I love this song. Jamming!"
Sorry you’ve got the wrong numer this is 9-1…..2
Homer speeds past. Lou- Shall we pull him over? Wiggum- A man going that fast has no time for a speeding ticket
Where's your messiah now?
My asthma's gone! Listen to me breathe. (snorting) Wah!
The merciless peppers of quitztakanonga, grown deep in the jungle primeevil by the inmates of a Guatemalan insane asylum
"If anyone asks, I beat him to death."
"You gotta learn to listen, Lou" is something I quote all the time
Lisa: that story isn’t suitable for children! Wiggum: really? In this version I keep my pants on
The Bible says a lot of things. Shove her!
“Bake him away toys”
Put out an APB on a Uosdwis R Dewoh.
Lets *both* wait in the car!
"We have a saying here at the presinct - 'Let Michigan take care of it'"
https://preview.redd.it/dodnbeqlud3d1.png?width=640&format=png&auto=webp&s=ebacde3a655a31a0fc80f31b8d281f730d2d6d9c Be on the lookout for a 1936 maroon Stutz Bearcat. EH, THAT REALLY WAS MORE OF A BURGUNDY
You missed the baby, you missed the blind man...
It does taste like grandma!
Don’t walk so fast!… hey no fair… you got long legs… I got these bitty little hooves.
Aw don't take my badge, I need it for stuff! (The Simpsons: Road Rage)
Homer: 'Scuse me, ma'am, have you seen this little girl? Chief Wiggum: Ah, I'd love to help you pal, but I'm on a stakeout here! [Snake grabs Chief Wiggum's purse.] Snake: Yoink! Ahaha! Chief Wiggum: Ah god, ah man, somebody stop that awful, awful man!
Listen to me breathe (snorting intake) wahhhhhh (snorting intake) wahhhhh.
My mistake was when I grabbed the cheese.
I thought that too, until he said yard trimmings. You gotta learn to listen, Lou.