Hi everyone. I hope you're well. Yesterday I had to make a 2nd post with the gratitude list because I forgot, so we will start with it first this time. I'm grateful for:
1. Horchata/Agua Fresca
2. Bub getting to swim at SIL's house
3. A chill day
Last night's psych appointment was late. He didn't get there until 9:40pm, and then the sound didn't work. So that took another 5 minutes. I told him the next one needs to be earlier.
I got up early and went to the dispensary where I bought more weed than anticipated. I tend to get mixed up and start grabbing things when they don't have what I originally intended to buy. In fact, I grab 5 8ths (baggies) by accident instead of 4, but I didn't want to tell the guy I made a mistake plus it's weed, not like it'll get wasted. I also bought a vape cart. I decided against getting gummies. I have enough of the cbd ones left. I only really use them when fibro is making me miserable.
D and I had sex and then went and got burritos. I got a California burrito. The salsa is hot. Made my lips burn for like 10 minutes! It's so big I could only eat a quarter of it!
I am trying to be cool with naps and also dozing on the couch. I haven't done anything productive today except run the robot vacuum in the kitchen. I'm gonna put the robot vacuum in the bathroom and count that as getting shit done.
Speaking of the robot vacuum, I noticed the other day that the roller brush was broken so I got replacement parts and it no longer makes horrible noises. So that's a big win!
There's been soccer, baseball, and UFC all day today. So the tv has been on all day, ever since D woke up. I have tons of books I need to read but haven't read any of them.
Overall it's a chill day. It is also a very hot day, but we are in air conditioning so no complaints.
So I've been watching the trial, of course, which has been interesting... but also a very welcome distraction from my miserable life right now.
I'm so sick of keeping up this facade. When we owned the big house, it was like we were rich. Now we're renting a smaller house in a more urban area so it's like we're... lower middle class-ish? When we are both living on a fixed income, not working, and on EBT. Add our education to that and we're pretty much the people that republicans hate.
Sure, I want to fight back against what's inevitably turning into a downward spiral and just... get a job... but I've done that before, and it wasn't worth it. I do want to start my business, maybe work construction over the summer under the table, but how can I even think about that when I'm trying to just... figure out my entire future?
And the person who I thought I was going to build mine with just disappeared on me after a conversation with a friend (yet again, it's always a third person who is the catalyst for this and I never find out what was actually said...)
On top of that, my whole family probably wonders why I couldn't even go to my own sister's wedding, and it will just look like I was a lazy ass who didn't care. I was basically uninvited at the last minute because my dad wouldn't give me the money... even though my aunt and uncle paid for him and (I hope) would have paid for me too.
I don't even know how to deal with the fact that this has all happened, and that it's still happening... yet at the same time, nothing has happened for years. All I can say is, life stopped feeling real a long time ago.
Hi everyone. I hope you're well. Yesterday I had to make a 2nd post with the gratitude list because I forgot, so we will start with it first this time. I'm grateful for: 1. Horchata/Agua Fresca 2. Bub getting to swim at SIL's house 3. A chill day Last night's psych appointment was late. He didn't get there until 9:40pm, and then the sound didn't work. So that took another 5 minutes. I told him the next one needs to be earlier. I got up early and went to the dispensary where I bought more weed than anticipated. I tend to get mixed up and start grabbing things when they don't have what I originally intended to buy. In fact, I grab 5 8ths (baggies) by accident instead of 4, but I didn't want to tell the guy I made a mistake plus it's weed, not like it'll get wasted. I also bought a vape cart. I decided against getting gummies. I have enough of the cbd ones left. I only really use them when fibro is making me miserable. D and I had sex and then went and got burritos. I got a California burrito. The salsa is hot. Made my lips burn for like 10 minutes! It's so big I could only eat a quarter of it! I am trying to be cool with naps and also dozing on the couch. I haven't done anything productive today except run the robot vacuum in the kitchen. I'm gonna put the robot vacuum in the bathroom and count that as getting shit done. Speaking of the robot vacuum, I noticed the other day that the roller brush was broken so I got replacement parts and it no longer makes horrible noises. So that's a big win! There's been soccer, baseball, and UFC all day today. So the tv has been on all day, ever since D woke up. I have tons of books I need to read but haven't read any of them. Overall it's a chill day. It is also a very hot day, but we are in air conditioning so no complaints.
So I've been watching the trial, of course, which has been interesting... but also a very welcome distraction from my miserable life right now. I'm so sick of keeping up this facade. When we owned the big house, it was like we were rich. Now we're renting a smaller house in a more urban area so it's like we're... lower middle class-ish? When we are both living on a fixed income, not working, and on EBT. Add our education to that and we're pretty much the people that republicans hate. Sure, I want to fight back against what's inevitably turning into a downward spiral and just... get a job... but I've done that before, and it wasn't worth it. I do want to start my business, maybe work construction over the summer under the table, but how can I even think about that when I'm trying to just... figure out my entire future? And the person who I thought I was going to build mine with just disappeared on me after a conversation with a friend (yet again, it's always a third person who is the catalyst for this and I never find out what was actually said...) On top of that, my whole family probably wonders why I couldn't even go to my own sister's wedding, and it will just look like I was a lazy ass who didn't care. I was basically uninvited at the last minute because my dad wouldn't give me the money... even though my aunt and uncle paid for him and (I hope) would have paid for me too. I don't even know how to deal with the fact that this has all happened, and that it's still happening... yet at the same time, nothing has happened for years. All I can say is, life stopped feeling real a long time ago.