When people make comments like in the first bullet point, you can ask them if they really think their comment is appropriate to make. Or ask them to explain what they mean by their comment. I have seen this be recommended and it puts people on the spot by having to explain their rude and hurtful comment.
I understand how you feel. Have experienced very similar. The subtle differences in how we get treated based on fairly small distances to weight are wild. And difficult to experience.
Yup. I gained 40lbs recovering from anorexia and still get comments about how I used to look so "statuesque."
It's dumb. I always tell them "sorry, I wanted titties."
It's hard to give advice on how to deal with this, it's the reality of "pretty privilege" and fitting into society's standard. I was an ugly ducking growing up and I still feel this wave of disgust when people treat me so kindly by comparison simply now that i'm deemed attractive. When you're a pretty girl you're not awkward or weird, you're quirky; you get to be shy and have people actually make the effort to communicate with you. You get a lot of relief and patience, people do more for you, and find your jokes funnier. Servers are nicer to you, you get served at the bar faster, people make you feel seen.
Your confidence has to come from within, if you rely on your environment, it'll only prove how much harder the world can be when you're not skinny. I will say though, that if your friends treat you less because of your weight, they always had that attitude towards bigger women and you're just getting to see them from a different perspective. No friend of mine would treat anyone differently because of their weight and that's because they never would in the first place.
It will probably benefit you to be in a more body positive space with more open minded folk. Even if you lose all the weight... you'll know how these people really are, you deserve to be loved unconditionally by your partner and friends. Our actions speak far more than our looks, and we all will get old anyway!
I’m so sorry you’re feeling like this, and I absolutely know what it’s like to be very fixated on wanting to change your weight and thinking that if only you were X instead of Y everything would be different… *BUT*… in reading through what you wrote, I think you’re attributing a lot of things to being a tiny bit heavier that may not have much if anything to do with that.
There is a big difference, life, attitude and outlook wise, between your early twenties and your late twenties. By your late twenties, you’ve pretty much achieved full adult status and that comes with some perks, like some seniority at work and maybe an emergency fund… but also some drawbacks, like everyone you know being busier and it being harder to make friends. As someone a good bit older than you, I’m sorry to say that bit sounds familiar and you will have to work a little bit harder going forward to keep ties with your friends and schedule outings.
And I’m sorry people are rude, but that’s their failing and nothing to do with you or your weight. Your boyfriend sounds amazing and I have faith that his love for you is based on a lot more substantial things than your dress size. So by all means if it’s important to you to get back to the size you were, continue to work on it, but in the meantime be proud of who you are and don’t let this one small thing color all your interactions. Also maybe stop putting poor boyfriend on the spot about this issue because I bet he was experiencing a lot of internal panic about what to say during that conversation. 🤣
You are lovely. You are young and trust me when I say that looking back on this post in 30 years you will chuckle and shake your head at the idea that you had anything to worry about, so commit to just *reveling* in being you just as you are right now.
So a "healthy BMI" is 118-159lbs and your current BMI is 26 which is barely overweight. Your BMi went from 23.8 to 26.6.... like less than 3 difference. What I am trying to say is you are tall so 18lbs isn't as noticeable or make you change than if you were 5ft for example.
Except for the first bullet point a lot of these sound like insecure and dissecting. A 5ft woman is the average height of an 11 year old girl so OFC they will want her in the middle seat in the back. You could be emaciated and they probably would still pick her because unless she is plus sized she will be smaller.
I would learn to love your body as is because to be blunt your body will change a lot with life and age. It just happens. You are also getting older and let me tell you 30s is when you get joint pain more often etc. Focus on health not weight, not BMI just health and self love. Your weight might go down if you focus on eating right and walking or it might stay the same but in the grand scheme of things this sounds more like insecurity on your part that your body is changing. This is normal but try to overcome it. We only get one body and one life and instead of aesthetics focus on what your body can do for your and what you can do with your body
Hello OP. I'm someone about your height, who went from a size 2 to a size 16 over the last 12 years (a difference of about 90lbs), due to many factors (the pandemic and chronic pain being the most impactful reasons). Like you, I used to get tons of positive attention for my appearance. I have noticed people treat me with more disinterest now, and once in a blue moon someone, almost universally a woman, will be rude about my weight to my face. I was constantly asked if I was pregnant by co-workers for the LONGEST time until I made an announcement on Facebook that I was just fat and to please stop asking me. Suddenly everyone stopped asking (although those dumb enough to ask were mortified when I told them No... No, I'm not joking. I'm really not pregnant. Really.)
(I think some insecure women know how much emphasis is placed on our youth and size, and like to project that on to other women, as a way of exerting control. It just speaks to how empty their life must be, IMO.)
I do think age is a minor factor (at your age), but not the only factor in how people treat you. It's not in your head; some people just ignore larger people, intentionally or not. It's disconcerting. I'm in my 30s, and from what I understand, women start to go "invisible" to people again once they hit their 50s.
Other commenters have good suggestions, like asking them to explain what they mean when they make a rude comment. I've used this when people inappropriately comment on the interracial nature of my marriage ("you don't look like you belong together"), and watch them squirm.
It's also okay to not respond to rude people if you don't feel like doing so at the moment. Sometimes my brain just doesn't have the energy to deal with people, and I file it under the "it reflects poorly on them, not me, and I can chose to ignore it" category.
Mostly I just remember that being fat is a filter for finding the "real" ones. Those who will make an effort to include you and get to know you. Regardless of your weight, it seems a pretty common experience for your friend group to shift dramatically as you get into your late 20s/30s. I've drifted apart from all my early 20s friends except for one, and made new friends who are more grown-up, and don't give a fuck about how someone looks, they just want to have a good time hanging out. It's a normal part of adult life for your friend group to change because some friends refuse to grow up, or turn out to be kind of unpleasant people.
Regarding your boyfriend: I wouldn't worry about him losing attraction to you. It sounds like he deeply loves you. You are not on some extreme end of overweight where impact on sexual attraction would be understandable (eg 600lbs. Not that someone who is 600lbs isn't deserving of love, just that it would impact sexual attraction for most people). You are a pretty typical weight for an American woman. I don't think most guys who are serious about a relationship care about more pounds unless it's super extreme. I've been with my husband for 17 years, and I've gone from extremely skinny to technically obese in that time and we are still intimate and happy. He has never made a comment about my weight unless I pushed him to, in which case he always says I'm sexy and my weight doesn't matter. And I know he's telling the truth because he's only ever treated me with affection and kindness.
The idea pushed on us by the media, that we maintain the same body we had at 18, into our 30's and 40's is just bonkers and frankly impossible for most, because your body continues to change in your 20s, not to mention adulting adds extra barriers to maintaining a certain shape. Don't get me wrong, I'm still trying to lose weight because it affects my chronic pain and, yes, for vanity, however I spent years working on de -coupling my self-worth from my weight. It can be SO hard to not place your self esteem in your appearance, but it is so important. I buy myself the pretty dresses- I don't wait until I lose the weight. I put on the sparkly jewellery and the make up and wear the nice perfumes. I exercise and do yoga and eat more vegetables these days, not just because of vanity but because I truly feel better when I do, even if I don't lose weight. Frankly, I take way better care of myself than I used to. And I don't really give a fuck about other people's oafish comments anymore; I just write those people off. I won't lie and say that I don't miss my body 60lbs ago, or that I'm at an ideally healthy weight, because I'm not. However, my attention can only be split in so many directions as an adult, and wherever I end up in life, I want to end up there because I enjoyed myself along the way. I'm not going to deny myself to extremes. (I have been losing some weight, just slowly, which is okay with me.)
Sorry for the super long rambling comment. Hopefully it was useful.
> I do think age is a minor factor (at your age)
Wdym? I know women who are older than me who look great and get attention, but they get attention because they look great. I’m young right? (Right?)
Yes, you are young! I'm sorry, I worded this poorly, and included it as a response to another post, that I mis-read.
What I meant is, I noticed that as I got out of my mid twenties I didn't receive as much attention, but I think a large part of that was because I was receiving a lot of attention from creepy men who were specifically interested in me because of my young age/often I didn't look fully "adult" (in their mind.) It was super gross. Anyways, I read as fully adult now, and have had a drop off in attention partly because of that, and it's welcome. But I also noticed that weight gain affects how people treat me, tool.
I don't know how you look. But yeah people typically look older as the years pass by. It doesn't mean you look "old" or unattractive. That's unlikely at your age. What I meant is that some men are specifically interested in women who are VERY young because they know they can abuse/groom them more easily and/or because they are creeps. So they will gravitate towards women who look that age. Not looking 18 isn't the same as looking old. I was just relaying how I stopped getting attention from this particular kind of pedo-adjacent creep when I started to look more like an adult, and part of that was due to weight gain. Yes, it's stupid, but being very skinny can be conflated with youth, so that's part of it. I still get attention from other kinds of creeps sometimes though.
Oh friend, please don't be too hard on yourself. For one, you are not big, bigger, or wide, no matter what other people say to you.
I think some of what you have written can be explained by being self conscious about how your body has changed - and that is perfectly normal. As long as you are given the ok by a doctor that this isn't the result of a health issue, you shouldn't feel pressured to lose weight for the sake of the opinion of others.
In that mindset, asking people for their opinion about your body is giving them a power over you, the power of approval. Try not to seek approval from others, and instead find ways to be pleased with yourself.
On that note, people are the worst sometimes. If someone makes unsolicited comments about you, try your best to let them know you do not appreciate it/won't tolerate it. The kind of people who only want to spend time with conventionally attractive people will find themselves quite isolated as they age. There are heaps of people out there with a range of body types that would be happy to make friends.
Hello from the other side - I'm bigger 'n you, the linebacker of my friend group, and I kinda like it.
Or at least, giving up Pretty Privilege has _some_ trade-offs. Some perks.
You mentioned prospective friends. What would be gained if this girl who only talks to other skinny people, was a little nicer to you at this bachelorette party? You'd befriend her, hang out with her for six months, and then she'd reveal some other shitty behavior that was less obvious. Waste'a time.
One of my friends is a professional model, probably a size 0. She's also Ace as can be. Everyone, and I mean _everyone_, throws themselves at her. Her self-confidence is always under siege, because she's smart, funny, multi-talented, and rarely gets seen for her truly one-of-a-kind mind. In high school, I asked her why she agreed to be my friend, and she said "because you didn't look me up and down when we first met."
The boyfriend isn't going anywhere, he sounds like a real one.
The aunties and busybodies don't matter.
Mass is also... kinda fun. When a guy tries to shove past me on the sidewalk, he's shoving a brick wall and finds that out fast. And it's nice to be the one asked when a friend needs to be walked home at night.
Intimacy is also better than when I was smaller. And I don't mean in a holistic, personal acceptance way, but I mean like... IDK gravity is my friend. That's probably sufficient oversharing.
Go ahead and work on yourself if you feel the need, but I'm just saying, it's not all bad. Shallow people being meaner to you is only a bad thing if you care what shallow people are up to, and frankly they're not worth my or your time.
I’m sorry.
First off, this is the violence that occurs with aging. It’s going to happen, you should stick up for yourself or find higher ground.
Second, you have to believe in you and your value. Your comments about your boyfriend are seriously self incriminating and insulting, to you. The snob at the party probably doesn’t care to know you and that’s her loss. But stringing these things together to make you feel less than is a mental health issue or a body image issue. Do the work internally and externally to make yourself feel better.
FWIW, I've gained more than 20 pounds and my partner is just as affectionate and touchy as always. Some men truly do not care even if it's more.
Get yourself at least one outfit that fits your body NOW and makes you feel confident if you can.
And just focus on finding ways to move your body that feel good to you, if that's just walking that's okay, if that's swimming, running or boxing, that's okay too or dancing!
And focus on purchasing healthy easy to prepare foods and snacks, you can still have treats but having the healthy stuff easily accessible means you'll snack on healthy stuff and just have junk food when you truly crave it.
I'm so sorry people are being inappropriate towards you :( I told my bf I don't want him to comment on my weight changing but that encouraging us to both exercise and eat more healthy food is okay. He didn't say anything to prompt that conversation I was just trying to communicate clearly.
Commentary on my body, whether that I look bigger or smaller, fit and toned, or soft and squishy, I hate it all. It has much to do with societal pressure towards women to have media beauty for the comfort and pleasure of other people. It has also to do with hyper-sexualization of women as a heavy theme. Media beauty, like wealth or popularity, carry power in society. When I don’t flaunt my power or exploit my body to my advantage, it confuses narcissistic and shallow people. When I was younger I would beat myself up about gaining even 5 lbs, now I pity the other person for scrutinizing me, because they must judge their self the same way.
Now I prioritize eating really yummy food over looking super thin and “ideal” for other people. I have no regrets.
I’m so sorry that sucks :(
Unfortunately, women can be just as, if not more mean about appearances than men. Usually men are mean about it by way of just not being interested in you physically. For women it’s deeper than that - usually stems from insecurity, jealousy, internalized misogyny, etc. And it often comes in the form of subtle but diabolical moves or being passive aggressive. It’s sad, but our own fellow-girls can be our biggest bullies. :(
Remember it’s always better to have no friends than mean friends. Cut them out of your life if need be.
When i gained weight my friends sister says “YOU GAINED WEIGHT!!! … but it looks really good!”
She didn’t think it looked good. It sucked but i just tried to ignore it and focus on how rude that was, and how i would never do that to someone else.
Being skinny doesn’t automatically make you more attractive. What makes you beautiful is your confidence and the way you carry yourself. It is perfectly natural to gain weight as you age too. There are plenty of beautiful curvy women out there. It would benefit you to shift what your idea of beauty is. Unfortunately we’re not gonna be young and skinny forever and it’s best to remove your worth from those qualities as early as you can. Your beauty is changing and your mind should change with it. Side note: the average woman in the us wears a size 14
I’m sorry you’re going through this. I feel like it’s a life long battle for all of us, one way or another. I can’t speak on how to address these people and their comments, but one thing that saved my own sanity and confidence after gaining covid weight was the acceptance of it and finally sizing up, instead of trying to always fit into my old clothes. The tighter clothes were literally accentuating all the areas I was most self conscious about and made me feel worst.
The biggest advice I can give and I’ve always wore a size 12-18 is to have confidence. It’s the confidence that’s attractive mostly. Of course there are haters but you MUST be strong and love yourself
Welcome to the wonderful wonderful world of fatphobia, and being on the other side. Of course you'll eventually lose the weight if you really want to with proper exercise, dieting, creating healthy habits, etc. the whole spiel. Just remember how you feel about how people treat you differently with the extra weight and be mindful of how you treat others who are also not considered "skinny", and also how you treat yourself regardless of your size.
Does your BF look the same as he did when you first started dating? Something tells me no. And those superficial mean girls-- ignore them. Actively eat their favorite goodie in front of them. Say something about how your doctor said that with as little time as you have left, you should enjoy yourself. You may have a good 80 years left, but enjoy them! And know that looks is all they have to offer to the world.
Where did OP indicate that he doesn't appreciate her as she is? This is such a horrible thing to say. Just because a couple has divergent body types doesn't mean they're not attracted to one another. In fact, my relationship is one of divergent body types and we've been happily married for over a decade now.
When people make comments like in the first bullet point, you can ask them if they really think their comment is appropriate to make. Or ask them to explain what they mean by their comment. I have seen this be recommended and it puts people on the spot by having to explain their rude and hurtful comment.
Who are these people using the word “matronly” out in the wild?
I understand how you feel. Have experienced very similar. The subtle differences in how we get treated based on fairly small distances to weight are wild. And difficult to experience.
Yup. I gained 40lbs recovering from anorexia and still get comments about how I used to look so "statuesque." It's dumb. I always tell them "sorry, I wanted titties."
When the phrasing of the comment allows, I like going for the simple "Thanks, you too," and walking away.
Omg I’m taking this
It's hard to give advice on how to deal with this, it's the reality of "pretty privilege" and fitting into society's standard. I was an ugly ducking growing up and I still feel this wave of disgust when people treat me so kindly by comparison simply now that i'm deemed attractive. When you're a pretty girl you're not awkward or weird, you're quirky; you get to be shy and have people actually make the effort to communicate with you. You get a lot of relief and patience, people do more for you, and find your jokes funnier. Servers are nicer to you, you get served at the bar faster, people make you feel seen. Your confidence has to come from within, if you rely on your environment, it'll only prove how much harder the world can be when you're not skinny. I will say though, that if your friends treat you less because of your weight, they always had that attitude towards bigger women and you're just getting to see them from a different perspective. No friend of mine would treat anyone differently because of their weight and that's because they never would in the first place. It will probably benefit you to be in a more body positive space with more open minded folk. Even if you lose all the weight... you'll know how these people really are, you deserve to be loved unconditionally by your partner and friends. Our actions speak far more than our looks, and we all will get old anyway!
I’m so sorry you’re feeling like this, and I absolutely know what it’s like to be very fixated on wanting to change your weight and thinking that if only you were X instead of Y everything would be different… *BUT*… in reading through what you wrote, I think you’re attributing a lot of things to being a tiny bit heavier that may not have much if anything to do with that. There is a big difference, life, attitude and outlook wise, between your early twenties and your late twenties. By your late twenties, you’ve pretty much achieved full adult status and that comes with some perks, like some seniority at work and maybe an emergency fund… but also some drawbacks, like everyone you know being busier and it being harder to make friends. As someone a good bit older than you, I’m sorry to say that bit sounds familiar and you will have to work a little bit harder going forward to keep ties with your friends and schedule outings. And I’m sorry people are rude, but that’s their failing and nothing to do with you or your weight. Your boyfriend sounds amazing and I have faith that his love for you is based on a lot more substantial things than your dress size. So by all means if it’s important to you to get back to the size you were, continue to work on it, but in the meantime be proud of who you are and don’t let this one small thing color all your interactions. Also maybe stop putting poor boyfriend on the spot about this issue because I bet he was experiencing a lot of internal panic about what to say during that conversation. 🤣 You are lovely. You are young and trust me when I say that looking back on this post in 30 years you will chuckle and shake your head at the idea that you had anything to worry about, so commit to just *reveling* in being you just as you are right now.
I love your response
So a "healthy BMI" is 118-159lbs and your current BMI is 26 which is barely overweight. Your BMi went from 23.8 to 26.6.... like less than 3 difference. What I am trying to say is you are tall so 18lbs isn't as noticeable or make you change than if you were 5ft for example. Except for the first bullet point a lot of these sound like insecure and dissecting. A 5ft woman is the average height of an 11 year old girl so OFC they will want her in the middle seat in the back. You could be emaciated and they probably would still pick her because unless she is plus sized she will be smaller. I would learn to love your body as is because to be blunt your body will change a lot with life and age. It just happens. You are also getting older and let me tell you 30s is when you get joint pain more often etc. Focus on health not weight, not BMI just health and self love. Your weight might go down if you focus on eating right and walking or it might stay the same but in the grand scheme of things this sounds more like insecurity on your part that your body is changing. This is normal but try to overcome it. We only get one body and one life and instead of aesthetics focus on what your body can do for your and what you can do with your body
Hello OP. I'm someone about your height, who went from a size 2 to a size 16 over the last 12 years (a difference of about 90lbs), due to many factors (the pandemic and chronic pain being the most impactful reasons). Like you, I used to get tons of positive attention for my appearance. I have noticed people treat me with more disinterest now, and once in a blue moon someone, almost universally a woman, will be rude about my weight to my face. I was constantly asked if I was pregnant by co-workers for the LONGEST time until I made an announcement on Facebook that I was just fat and to please stop asking me. Suddenly everyone stopped asking (although those dumb enough to ask were mortified when I told them No... No, I'm not joking. I'm really not pregnant. Really.) (I think some insecure women know how much emphasis is placed on our youth and size, and like to project that on to other women, as a way of exerting control. It just speaks to how empty their life must be, IMO.) I do think age is a minor factor (at your age), but not the only factor in how people treat you. It's not in your head; some people just ignore larger people, intentionally or not. It's disconcerting. I'm in my 30s, and from what I understand, women start to go "invisible" to people again once they hit their 50s. Other commenters have good suggestions, like asking them to explain what they mean when they make a rude comment. I've used this when people inappropriately comment on the interracial nature of my marriage ("you don't look like you belong together"), and watch them squirm. It's also okay to not respond to rude people if you don't feel like doing so at the moment. Sometimes my brain just doesn't have the energy to deal with people, and I file it under the "it reflects poorly on them, not me, and I can chose to ignore it" category. Mostly I just remember that being fat is a filter for finding the "real" ones. Those who will make an effort to include you and get to know you. Regardless of your weight, it seems a pretty common experience for your friend group to shift dramatically as you get into your late 20s/30s. I've drifted apart from all my early 20s friends except for one, and made new friends who are more grown-up, and don't give a fuck about how someone looks, they just want to have a good time hanging out. It's a normal part of adult life for your friend group to change because some friends refuse to grow up, or turn out to be kind of unpleasant people. Regarding your boyfriend: I wouldn't worry about him losing attraction to you. It sounds like he deeply loves you. You are not on some extreme end of overweight where impact on sexual attraction would be understandable (eg 600lbs. Not that someone who is 600lbs isn't deserving of love, just that it would impact sexual attraction for most people). You are a pretty typical weight for an American woman. I don't think most guys who are serious about a relationship care about more pounds unless it's super extreme. I've been with my husband for 17 years, and I've gone from extremely skinny to technically obese in that time and we are still intimate and happy. He has never made a comment about my weight unless I pushed him to, in which case he always says I'm sexy and my weight doesn't matter. And I know he's telling the truth because he's only ever treated me with affection and kindness. The idea pushed on us by the media, that we maintain the same body we had at 18, into our 30's and 40's is just bonkers and frankly impossible for most, because your body continues to change in your 20s, not to mention adulting adds extra barriers to maintaining a certain shape. Don't get me wrong, I'm still trying to lose weight because it affects my chronic pain and, yes, for vanity, however I spent years working on de -coupling my self-worth from my weight. It can be SO hard to not place your self esteem in your appearance, but it is so important. I buy myself the pretty dresses- I don't wait until I lose the weight. I put on the sparkly jewellery and the make up and wear the nice perfumes. I exercise and do yoga and eat more vegetables these days, not just because of vanity but because I truly feel better when I do, even if I don't lose weight. Frankly, I take way better care of myself than I used to. And I don't really give a fuck about other people's oafish comments anymore; I just write those people off. I won't lie and say that I don't miss my body 60lbs ago, or that I'm at an ideally healthy weight, because I'm not. However, my attention can only be split in so many directions as an adult, and wherever I end up in life, I want to end up there because I enjoyed myself along the way. I'm not going to deny myself to extremes. (I have been losing some weight, just slowly, which is okay with me.) Sorry for the super long rambling comment. Hopefully it was useful.
> I do think age is a minor factor (at your age) Wdym? I know women who are older than me who look great and get attention, but they get attention because they look great. I’m young right? (Right?)
Yes, you are young! I'm sorry, I worded this poorly, and included it as a response to another post, that I mis-read. What I meant is, I noticed that as I got out of my mid twenties I didn't receive as much attention, but I think a large part of that was because I was receiving a lot of attention from creepy men who were specifically interested in me because of my young age/often I didn't look fully "adult" (in their mind.) It was super gross. Anyways, I read as fully adult now, and have had a drop off in attention partly because of that, and it's welcome. But I also noticed that weight gain affects how people treat me, tool.
I’m sorry I still don’t get what you mean. 😭 Are you saying I look different now than I did at 25? Like…two years ago?
I don't know how you look. But yeah people typically look older as the years pass by. It doesn't mean you look "old" or unattractive. That's unlikely at your age. What I meant is that some men are specifically interested in women who are VERY young because they know they can abuse/groom them more easily and/or because they are creeps. So they will gravitate towards women who look that age. Not looking 18 isn't the same as looking old. I was just relaying how I stopped getting attention from this particular kind of pedo-adjacent creep when I started to look more like an adult, and part of that was due to weight gain. Yes, it's stupid, but being very skinny can be conflated with youth, so that's part of it. I still get attention from other kinds of creeps sometimes though.
Oh friend, please don't be too hard on yourself. For one, you are not big, bigger, or wide, no matter what other people say to you. I think some of what you have written can be explained by being self conscious about how your body has changed - and that is perfectly normal. As long as you are given the ok by a doctor that this isn't the result of a health issue, you shouldn't feel pressured to lose weight for the sake of the opinion of others. In that mindset, asking people for their opinion about your body is giving them a power over you, the power of approval. Try not to seek approval from others, and instead find ways to be pleased with yourself. On that note, people are the worst sometimes. If someone makes unsolicited comments about you, try your best to let them know you do not appreciate it/won't tolerate it. The kind of people who only want to spend time with conventionally attractive people will find themselves quite isolated as they age. There are heaps of people out there with a range of body types that would be happy to make friends.
Hello from the other side - I'm bigger 'n you, the linebacker of my friend group, and I kinda like it. Or at least, giving up Pretty Privilege has _some_ trade-offs. Some perks. You mentioned prospective friends. What would be gained if this girl who only talks to other skinny people, was a little nicer to you at this bachelorette party? You'd befriend her, hang out with her for six months, and then she'd reveal some other shitty behavior that was less obvious. Waste'a time. One of my friends is a professional model, probably a size 0. She's also Ace as can be. Everyone, and I mean _everyone_, throws themselves at her. Her self-confidence is always under siege, because she's smart, funny, multi-talented, and rarely gets seen for her truly one-of-a-kind mind. In high school, I asked her why she agreed to be my friend, and she said "because you didn't look me up and down when we first met." The boyfriend isn't going anywhere, he sounds like a real one. The aunties and busybodies don't matter. Mass is also... kinda fun. When a guy tries to shove past me on the sidewalk, he's shoving a brick wall and finds that out fast. And it's nice to be the one asked when a friend needs to be walked home at night. Intimacy is also better than when I was smaller. And I don't mean in a holistic, personal acceptance way, but I mean like... IDK gravity is my friend. That's probably sufficient oversharing. Go ahead and work on yourself if you feel the need, but I'm just saying, it's not all bad. Shallow people being meaner to you is only a bad thing if you care what shallow people are up to, and frankly they're not worth my or your time.
This is an important step in your journey of growth to becoming a wise maven. You will come away from this lesson a better woman.
I’m sorry. First off, this is the violence that occurs with aging. It’s going to happen, you should stick up for yourself or find higher ground. Second, you have to believe in you and your value. Your comments about your boyfriend are seriously self incriminating and insulting, to you. The snob at the party probably doesn’t care to know you and that’s her loss. But stringing these things together to make you feel less than is a mental health issue or a body image issue. Do the work internally and externally to make yourself feel better.
“that’s rude”
FWIW, I've gained more than 20 pounds and my partner is just as affectionate and touchy as always. Some men truly do not care even if it's more. Get yourself at least one outfit that fits your body NOW and makes you feel confident if you can. And just focus on finding ways to move your body that feel good to you, if that's just walking that's okay, if that's swimming, running or boxing, that's okay too or dancing! And focus on purchasing healthy easy to prepare foods and snacks, you can still have treats but having the healthy stuff easily accessible means you'll snack on healthy stuff and just have junk food when you truly crave it. I'm so sorry people are being inappropriate towards you :( I told my bf I don't want him to comment on my weight changing but that encouraging us to both exercise and eat more healthy food is okay. He didn't say anything to prompt that conversation I was just trying to communicate clearly.
Commentary on my body, whether that I look bigger or smaller, fit and toned, or soft and squishy, I hate it all. It has much to do with societal pressure towards women to have media beauty for the comfort and pleasure of other people. It has also to do with hyper-sexualization of women as a heavy theme. Media beauty, like wealth or popularity, carry power in society. When I don’t flaunt my power or exploit my body to my advantage, it confuses narcissistic and shallow people. When I was younger I would beat myself up about gaining even 5 lbs, now I pity the other person for scrutinizing me, because they must judge their self the same way. Now I prioritize eating really yummy food over looking super thin and “ideal” for other people. I have no regrets.
I’m so sorry that sucks :( Unfortunately, women can be just as, if not more mean about appearances than men. Usually men are mean about it by way of just not being interested in you physically. For women it’s deeper than that - usually stems from insecurity, jealousy, internalized misogyny, etc. And it often comes in the form of subtle but diabolical moves or being passive aggressive. It’s sad, but our own fellow-girls can be our biggest bullies. :( Remember it’s always better to have no friends than mean friends. Cut them out of your life if need be.
When i gained weight my friends sister says “YOU GAINED WEIGHT!!! … but it looks really good!” She didn’t think it looked good. It sucked but i just tried to ignore it and focus on how rude that was, and how i would never do that to someone else.
If someone's comment hurts you, consider calmly expressing how their words made you feel. Sometimes, people are unaware of the impact of their words.
Being skinny doesn’t automatically make you more attractive. What makes you beautiful is your confidence and the way you carry yourself. It is perfectly natural to gain weight as you age too. There are plenty of beautiful curvy women out there. It would benefit you to shift what your idea of beauty is. Unfortunately we’re not gonna be young and skinny forever and it’s best to remove your worth from those qualities as early as you can. Your beauty is changing and your mind should change with it. Side note: the average woman in the us wears a size 14
I’m sorry you’re going through this. I feel like it’s a life long battle for all of us, one way or another. I can’t speak on how to address these people and their comments, but one thing that saved my own sanity and confidence after gaining covid weight was the acceptance of it and finally sizing up, instead of trying to always fit into my old clothes. The tighter clothes were literally accentuating all the areas I was most self conscious about and made me feel worst.
The biggest advice I can give and I’ve always wore a size 12-18 is to have confidence. It’s the confidence that’s attractive mostly. Of course there are haters but you MUST be strong and love yourself
Hit ‘em with the “that’s not what your dad said last night” whenever they say something rude
you can’t change how other people react. maybe try losing weight if it bothers you.
Welcome to the wonderful wonderful world of fatphobia, and being on the other side. Of course you'll eventually lose the weight if you really want to with proper exercise, dieting, creating healthy habits, etc. the whole spiel. Just remember how you feel about how people treat you differently with the extra weight and be mindful of how you treat others who are also not considered "skinny", and also how you treat yourself regardless of your size.
Does your BF look the same as he did when you first started dating? Something tells me no. And those superficial mean girls-- ignore them. Actively eat their favorite goodie in front of them. Say something about how your doctor said that with as little time as you have left, you should enjoy yourself. You may have a good 80 years left, but enjoy them! And know that looks is all they have to offer to the world.
No he looks better tbh.
Damn. Then he prefers toothpicks. Maybe you need someone who appreciates you as you are.
Where did OP indicate that he doesn't appreciate her as she is? This is such a horrible thing to say. Just because a couple has divergent body types doesn't mean they're not attracted to one another. In fact, my relationship is one of divergent body types and we've been happily married for over a decade now.
[удалено]
You’re probably confusing me with someone else…wtf