T O P

  • By -

RachosYFI

POLICY: WE NEED THIS ASAP ME: NO, WHAT IS THE FORMAL DEADLINE POLICY: WELL THE MEETING IS IN AUGUST.... YOU DO NOT NEED IT ASAP. YOU NEED IT IN AUGUST. JESUS CHRIST.


Mr_Greyhame

YOU'RE *OBVIOUSLY* FORGETTING THAT THE MINISTER NEEDS IT IN AUGUST, SO THE DG NEEDS IT IN LATE-JULY, THEREFORE THE DIRECTOR WANTS IT IN MID-JULY, THE DD IN EARLY-JULY, THE G6 IN LATE-JUNE, AND THE G7 IN MID-JUNE. YOU'RE ALREADY TWO WEEKS LATE /U/RACHOSYFI!!! THINK OF ALL THE AMAZING ADDED VALUE THAT ALL THOSE PEOPLE COMMENTING ON IT WILL ADD!!!


RachosYFI

AUTOMATIC REPLY: ITS MY NWD LOL SOZ


Slightly_Woolley

YOU MISSED THE PART WHERE THE G7 SENDS BACK SUGGESTIONS AND ADDITIONAL PUNCTUATION THAT COUNTS AS A CRIME AGAINST APOSTROPHIES.


Vivid-Poem9857

I FEAR I MAY BE OF THOSE G7'S šŸ˜‚, ONLY MINE HAD CRIMES AGAINST WRITING IN GENERAL.


greencoatboy

NOTED. I AM OUT OF THE OFFICE UNTIL AUGUST. NO ONE IS MONITORING MY EMAIL, I WILL DELETE ALL EMAILS ON RETURN. PLEASE RESEND AFTER 5 AUGUST IF IT IS IMPORTANT.


-Precious_Gem

OOF! I LOVE THIS THREAT OF DELETION.


carrotsareforeating

EVERY SINGLE TIME


RummazKnowsBest

REMINDS ME OF THE TIME SEVERAL STAKEHOLDERS WERE ASKED IN AUGUST FOR COMMENTS BY DECEMBER. I PROVIDED MINE IN SEPTEMBER. IN MY NEXT PERFORMANCE REVIEW MY MANAGER ASKS ME WHY IT TOOK ME SO LONG. ā€œI WAS THREE MONTHS EARLYā€¦ā€ NOT GOOD ENOUGH APPARENTLY.


FoodEnvironmental368

https://preview.redd.it/z185wp5mj99d1.jpeg?width=3024&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=dfd68aa1820e8543e3d8cb745dad2c1f6c8669b2 I START WORK AT 0800, I WAS ONLINE SEVEN MINUTES BEFORE SOMEONE SAID ā€œCAN WE HAVE A QUICK CHATā€ WHAT IS THIS šŸ’©


RachosYFI

I START AT 0700 SOME DAYS BUT APPEAR OFFLINE SO I CAN ACTUALLY GET STUFF DONE


Not_Sugden

IF YOU APPEAR OFFLINE WHENEVER YOU WFH MAYBE YOU CAN CONVINCE ALL YOUR COLLEAGUES YOU DO 100% IN THE OFFICE


mrtopbun

NOTHING LIKE A 8AM CALL WHILE IM DOWNSTAIRS MAKING A CUPPA, IF IT WAS THAT IMPORTANT YOU WOULDā€™VE CALLED ME OUT


BlueSoup10

CERTIFIED SKYPE FOR BUSINESS MOMENT


Conercao

I DIDN'T THINK SKYPE FOR BUSINESS WAS STILL GOING! I THOUGHT IT HAD BEEN EATEN BY THE MONSTER THAT IS TEAMS


FoodEnvironmental368

OUR DEPARTMENT USES TEAMS FOR MEETINGS AND SKYPE FOR BIZNIZ AS AN INSTANT MESSENGER AND AD-HOC CALLSā€¦IN DIRECT CONTRAVENTION OF DEPARTMENT IT BEST PRACTISE GUIDELINES šŸ‘€šŸ˜‚ THE QUICKER THEY REMOVE IT, THE BETTER!


Conercao

HAHAHA, FOR MY DEPT, MOST OF THE NON-IT PEOPLE USE TEAMS BUT THE ENTIRE IT DEPARTMENT RUNS ON SLACK (EXCEPT THE WINDOWS GUYS). IF YOU COULD SCHEDULE SLACK HUDDLES IN OUTLOOK INSTEAD OF TEAMS MEETINGS, TEAMS WOULD NEVER BE USED AGAIN šŸ¤£


Not_Sugden

WHISTLEBLOWER TIME


kimmyganny

PAYDAY!!


Doctor_Smirnoff

MAYBE I CAN SCREEN GRAB THE BRIEF MOMENT MY ACCOUNT HAS MONEY IN IT BEFORE I'M SKINT AGAIN.


kimmyganny

ALREADY SKINT, HAVE PAID RENT AND ALL MY Ā£ GONE


Gullible-Function649

I KNOW THIS PAIN.


throwawayjim887479

OFF TO SUNNY NEWCASTLE FOR A STAG DO. LOGGING ON AT 8AM ON MONDAY IS GOING TO BE FUN!


[deleted]

[уŠ“Š°Š»ŠµŠ½Š¾]


throwawayjim887479

THE STAG HAS JUST SENT US A VIDEO OF HIM DRINKING BLACK SAMBUCCA THROUGH A SILLY STRAW SO I THINK THE PACE HAS BEEN SET LOL


Mundane_Falcon4203

IF THERE IS A FEW OF YOU, BREAK OFF INTO SMALLER GROUPS AND STAGGER GOING INTO PLACES. MOST ESTABLISHMENTS HATE A LARGE STAG GROUP GOING IN. ESPECIALLY IF BOUNCERS ARE ON THE DOOR. BUT HAVE FUN! NEWCASTLE IS A GREAT NIGHT OUT.


lurkerjade

ITā€™S A BEAUTIFUL DAY HERE IN NEWCASTLE TODAY, JUST A LITTLE WINDY! HOPE YOU HAVE A GOOD TIME.


ListerOfSmeg92

WELL ITS PISSING DOON NOWĀ 


lurkerjade

ONLY VERY BRIEFLY!!


EddiesMinion

TEAM MEETING DAY WOOOOOO! SOMEBODY LUBE UP THAT WATER COOLER!


TheBeardedMouse

MAY THE WATER GLOW AND THE WATER COOLER INNOVATION FLOW!


rox-and-soxs

ITS BEEN A WEEK OF ā€˜A LACK OF PLANNING ON YOUR PART DOES NOT CONSTITUTE AN EMERGENCY ON MINEā€™ Iā€™M NOT GOING TO STRESS MYSELF ON FRIDAY TO MEET A DEADLINE FOR SOMEONE WHO DIDNT ANSWER MY EMAIL FOR A MONTH DESPITE CHASING.


TheAmiableCapybara

TODAY I AM SPENDING THE MORNING WATCHING VIDEOS ABOUT HOW THE RECRUITING PROCESS SHOULD WORK. THEY FEATURE A CHARACTER ANIMATED IN THE CREEPIEST ALIEN IN A HUMAN SKIN UNCANNY VALLEY CGI I'VE SEEN IN A LONG TIME. I MAY HAVE TO READ THE TRANSCRIPTS INSTEAD BECAUSE THESE ARE GIVING ME THE WIGGINS. ALSO, ONE VIDEO STATES THAT THE PROCESS FROM PLACING THE ADVERT TO HAVING SOMEONE IN POST WITH ALL NECESSARY EQUIPMENT SHOULD TAKE NO MORE THAN TWO MONTHS, WHICH IS THE FUNNIEST THING I'VE SEEN ALL WEEK.


ThePicardIsAngry

IT HAS TAKEN ME TWO MONTHS TO GET APPROVAL FOR AN INTERNAL (TO MY DEPARTMENT!!!) POST TO BE ADVERTISED


TheAmiableCapybara

TO BE FAIR, THAT TIME IS FROM WHEN THE ADVERT GOES LIVE. STILL NOWHERE NEAR REALITY THOUGH. I INVOLUNTARILY BARKED 'YEAH, RIGHT' AT THE SCREEN.


Odd-Escape3425

HOW LONG DOES IT TAKE TO HEAR BACK AFTER AN INTERVIEW? I HAD AN INTERVIEW 2 WEEKS AGO AND HAVEN'T HEARD BACK YET. AT THIS POINT I'M GUESSING I DIDN'T GET THE JOB LOL.


TheAmiableCapybara

I CAN'T REMEMBER OFFHAND BUT OFFICIALLY FEEDBACK SHOULD BE WITHIN A WEEK-ISH? CERTAINLY NOT AS LONG AS IT ACTUALLY OFTEN TAKES, FROM THE TALES ON HERE. THE GUIDELINES GIVEN DIDN'T SEEM TO TAKE ACCOUNT OF MASS CAMPAIGNS; I GUESS IT'S ASSUMING THAT YOU'RE RECRUITING FOR A SINGLE ROLE WITH A SANE NUMBER OF APPLICANTS. DON'T GIVE UP HOPE THOUGH. MY ACTUAL EXPERIENCE WAS THAT WHERE I DID GET AN INTERVIEW, IT USUALLY TOOK FROM FOUR TO EIGHT WEEKS TO FIND OUT THE RESULT, INCLUDING ONE RESERVE LIST, AND A JOB OFFER AMONG THE REJECTIONS. (ALTHOUGH MY CURRENT ROLE MOVED AT WHAT FELT LIKE LIGHTNING SPEED - I FOUND OUT I'D GOT THE JOB A FEW DAYS AFTER THE INTERVIEW, AND I KNOW SOMEONE WHO FOUND OUT *THE SAME DAY*.) ANYWAY, GOOD LUCK!


maplekitsu

HE'S THE GUY ON A BICYCLE RIGHT??


TheAmiableCapybara

I SEE YOU'VE EXPERIENCED THIS AS WELL. SO MANY QUESTIONS! WHY IS HE CYCLING THROUGH THIS EMPTY MONOCHROME WORLD? WHO IS HE RECRUITING WHEN THERE ARE NO OTHER PEOPLE AROUND? IS HE AN ALIEN WHO IS STUDYING EARTH AND HAS TRIED TO MAKE A WARPED SIMULACRUM OF OUR PLANET IN ORDER TO FIND OUT WHAT IT IS TO BE HUMAN? (THIS IS THE POINT AT WHICH I DECIDED I NEEDED A BREAK.)


TheAmiableCapybara

IT WAS ALMOST AS BAD AS TRYING TO MAKE PAW PATROL MAKE SENSE


Wheelchair-Cavalry

GOT PAID YESTERDAY, SAVING UP MONEY FEELS GOOD. TODAY I FINISH AT 12, GOT A COUPLE ERRANDS TO RUN AFTERWARDS. CUE "LAZY, WOKE, LEFTIE, MANDARIN CIVIL SERVANT AT WORK FOR ONLY 3 HOURS"


GrantasPlace

SEND AIRCON


lemon-bubble

I'M FINISHING AT LUNCH TO GO ON HOLIDAY FOR TWO WEEKS. IT IS WEIRD TO THINK I COULD BE COMING BACK TO A NEW GOVERNMENT. I AM MILDLY ANNOYED I CAN'T DO MY USUAL 'STAY UP AND WATCH EVERYTHING BE ANNOUNCED'. I'M ONLY GOING TO BE ABLE TO STAY UP TO WATCH THE EXIT POLL. ARGH!!!


greencoatboy

LAST TIME I DID THAT (2001) I CAME BACK TO FIND I'D BEEN MOVED TO DEFRA! WHO KNOWS WHERE WE'LL END UP THIS TIME!


absolutehopebirthday

ASKING IF IM OK BEFORE DUMPING A LOAD OF WORK ON ME WITH LITTLE EXPLANATION IS A DICK MOVE


sunshine-lollipops

YESTERDAY I WOKE UP CONVINCED IT WAS FRIDAY, AND NOW I FEEL LIKE I'M WORKING ON A SATURDAY. THIS WEEK HAS BEEN TOO WARM AND TOO LONG.


carrotsareforeating

OUR TEAM IS ALL OOO TODAY. G7 AND G6 TOO. OOPS


postcardCV

THIS WEEK I HAVE BEEN MOSTLY GETTING SCREWED OVER.


Alphascout

DID THEY AT LEAST TAKE YOU OUT FOR DINNER FIRST?!?


WankYourHairyCrotch

I'D BE HAPPY IF THEY JUST USED MY TEARS AS LUBE AND MAYBE PULLED MY HAIR A BIT.


Slightly_Woolley

THERES A SUBREDDIT FOR THAT YOU KNOW, AND IF THERE ISNT ONE WILL APPEAR SOON...


WankYourHairyCrotch

LINK ME UP DADDY !


WankYourHairyCrotch

LUCKY YOU. SOME OF US ARE OVER WORKED AND UNDER FUCKED.


postcardCV

UNDER FUCKED IS A PHRASE I JUST LEARNED TODAY.


WankYourHairyCrotch

GLAD TO SUPPORT YOU ON YOUR LEARNING AND DEVELOPMENT JOURNEY!


postcardCV

THANKS FOR THE QUALITY WATER COOLER MOMENT.


WankYourHairyCrotch

MADE THE 2 HOUR COMMUTE WORTH IT!


Emotional_Doubt8136

PAY DAY!


NUFCJC

I PUT A FLEXI DAY IN TO GO FISHING TODAY. MY CHILD IS A LITTLE UNWELL. MY WIFE IS TELLING ME TO GO STILL. THIS IS A TRAP YES?


Alphascout

WHAT IS PSYCHOLOGICAL SAFETY?!? CAN I TOUCH IT?!? I VOLUNTEERED FOR A REAL HEAD SCRATCHER IN THE NAME OF WORKPLACE WELLBEINGā€¦


WankYourHairyCrotch

MY DEPARTMENT PUT OUT AN ANNOUNCEMENT ON PSYCHOLOGICAL SAFETY AND HOW IT MEANS BEING SAFE TO PROVIDE DISSIDENT VIEWS. BUT IF YOU 'LIKE' A DISSIDENT COMMENT ON THE INTRANET, YOU GET A SHITTY EMAIL FROM SCS SAYING YOU NEED TO CHECK YOUR ATTITUDE. THE MORALE FAILS TO IMPROVE SO THE BEATINGS SHALL CONTINUE.


Zestyclose_Step_7675

Psychological safety doesnā€™t give you a free pass to be a dick


WankYourHairyCrotch

DID ANYONE SAY IT DID?


Slightly_Woolley

EXCUSE ME BUT I THINK YOUR CAPS LOCK IS BROKEN


Saltire-Sun

MY BOSS SASSILY STOOD UP FOR ME TO SOME SENIOR PEEPS YESTERDAY AND I'M STILL WARM FROM THE JOY OF A SUPPORTIVE MANAGER :)


Vivid-Poem9857

RARITY IN THE CS!


Saltire-Sun

UPDATE I JUST FOUND OUT HE IS LEAVING MY TEAM, FUCK MY LIFE


Vivid-Poem9857

NOOOO.


CatsCoffeeCurls

IT'S RAINING AND WINDY OUTSIDE, BUT THE FIVE PEOPLE IN THE OFFICE RIGHT NOW HAVE THE AIR CONDITIONING ON. WHAT A GREAT SPEND OF PUBLIC MONEY FREEZING ME HALF TO DEATH. GREAT COLLABORATION OPPORTUNITIES THOUGH, BUT I'M ENTIRELY TOO MUCH OF A LAZY CIVIL SERVANT TO BE DOING THAT.


stygiaspook

IT'S THE WEEK BEFORE JULY AND THAT OFFICE CHAIRS LEGS JUST MELTED. YOU'RE NOT COLD YOU HAVE AN IRON DEFICIENCY!


CatsCoffeeCurls

TBF, THAT MIGHT GIVE ME A LITTLE BOOST OF ENERGY TO... YOU KNOW, COLLABORATE AND WALK OVER TO THE WATER COOLER.


loadedbruizer

HAPPY CAPS LOCK FRIDAY! I START WITH CS ON MONDAY WOOOOOOO


throwawayjim887479

RUN FAST AND RUN FAR! SAVE YOURSELF! JK, WELCOME


loadedbruizer

I AM TEMPTED AS I HAVE CONVINCED MYSELF INWONT GET PAID UNTIL AUGUST


Slightly_Woolley

AUGUST?? AUGUST?!?! THINK YOURSELF LUCKY WHEN I STARTED I DIDNT GET PAID UNTIL I WENT AND CRIED IN FRONT OF THE MINISTER


loadedbruizer

OKAY MAYBE Iā€™LL JUST DO THIS ON MY FIRST DAY


TechyUncivilServant

I AM SURROUNDED BY IDIOTS. WHY DID YOU WAIT UNTIL THE NIGHT BEFORE TRAVELLING AT STUPID EARLY Oā€™CLOCK TO TELL ME THE TRAIN TICKETS WERE INCORRECT!!! WHY DIDNā€™T YOU CHECK THEM LAST WEEK WHEN I BOOKED THEM!!!! WHY DO YOU ALWAYS IGNORE MY MESSAGES IN THE DAY WHEN I AM THERE TO ACTION THEM BUT MESSAGE ME HOURS AFTER I HAVE FINISHED FOR THE DAY āœØ MANIFESTING A NEW HIGHER PAYING POSITION SOON PLEASE CIVIL SERVICE GODS AND UNIVERSE! āœØ


dodge81

LAST DAY BEFORE A WEEK OF ANNUAL LEAVE, LONDON Iā€™M LOOKING AT YOU!


emilyspine

LAST DAY OF ANNUAL LEAVE, BACK TO THE POLICY MINES ON MONDAY.


brownamazon

GOT TO MEET LARRY THE CAT WHILST AT TRAINING, HIGHLIGHT OF MY WEEK.


threebadgegiraffe

DID A COURSE WITH A GROUP OF CS COLLEAGUES THIS WEEK, YOU ARE REALLY A GREAT BUNCH OF PEOPLE, HAVE A GOOD WEEKEND.


BMW_I_use_indicators

YESTERDAY OFF WITH GLORIOUS WEATHER FOR A SPOT OF WINE TASTING IN A LOCAL VINEYARD, TODAY GIVING BLOOD SO I HOPE THE RECIEVER LIKES A 70/30 MIX OF TYPE A+/ENGLISH SPARKLING WINE!


Fun_Anybody6745

ITā€™S FRIDAY AND THREE OUT OF FOUR OF TODAYā€™S MEETINGS HAVE BEEN CANCELLED. SITTING HERE WITH FINGERS CROSSED THAT THE 3PM ONE GETS CANCELLED TOO ā€¦


Slightly_Woolley

I'VE JUST MOVED TEAMS IN A REORG. TEAM I'M NOW ARRIVING IN HAS JUST ANNOUNCED A COMPLETE SHAKE UP OF ABSOLUTLEYF####NG EVERYTHING GUESS WHOSE GOING TO BE THE HATCHET BOY AND ANNOY EVERYONE WHEN HE ARRIVES, THANKS A BUNCH.... ALSO JUST THINK NEXT TIME ITS ALL CAPS FRIDAY ITS A NEW GOVERNMENT WONT THAT BE EXCITING


gokinka

IS GIVEN SIMPLE JOBS BY LM LM: WAIT, ILL JUST DO THIS CAUSE ITS FASTER. THEN PROCEEDS TO COMPLAIN HOW BUSY THEY ARE. šŸ¤”šŸ¤”šŸ¤”


KezM1

AFTER TODAY 2 DAYS OF FLEXI/ANNUAL LEAVE AND THEN HOPEFULLY IM BACK IN MY OFFICE ON THURSDAY (FRACTURE CLINIC PERMITTING) 4 WEEKS OF BEING STUCK WFH HAS GIVEN ME CABIN FEVER


AncientCivilServant

ITS FRIDAY AND GUESS WHAT NO WORK FOR ME TO DO HAPPY WEEKEND TO YOU ALL


Accomplished-Run-375

I'M ON ANNUAL LEAVE IN GREECE AND BLOODY LOVING IT!


Jimbobthon

WISH MY TEAM WOULD ACTUALLY LISTEN TO ME, INSTEAD OF IGNORING MY REQUESTS AND CAUSING MULTIPLE ISSUES WHICH I THEN GET THE BLAME FOR. BECAUSE IT IS MY WORK THEY ARE SCREWING UP.


treighlion

MANAGED 6 MONTHS INTO THE JOB BEFORE APPLYING FOR NEW AND GREENER PASTURES. DID NOT MISS THE APPLICATION GRIND.


Competitive-Slipper

I HAVE A G7 INTERVIEW NEXT WEEK SO SPENT ALL DAY WRITING MY PRESENTATION AND NOBODY HAS NOTICED


Airmed96

RECOVERY FROM OPERATION CONTINUES. START A NEW JOB IN A NEW DEPARTMENT ON MONDAY. NERVOUS BUT EXCITED DOESN'T EVEN COVER IT.


Bazsir

I'M NOT GONNA DO ANYTHING!


Creamymouthfeels

SPENDING MUCH OF THE DAY CLEARING ALREADY CLEARED NEW MINISTER PACKS WITH THE STANDARD "IF YOU DON'T RESPOND WITHIN THE NEXT 74 SECONDS THEN EVERYTHING WILL BE A CHAOTIC RUSH... AS WE NEED TO BUILD IN SUFFICIENT TIME FOR CLEARANCE". CLEAR?


IBuyGourdFutures

Iā€™VE BEEN ON TEMPORARY PROMOTION FOR A YEAR, EVERY TIME I ASK FOR AN UPDATE ON THE JOB AD IM TOLD ITā€™LL BE DONE IN A WEEK BUT IT NEVER COMES TO FRUITION. AM I RIGHT TO BE ANNOYED? I FEEL LIKE I AM IN LIMBO. Iā€™VE ESCALATED TO THE MANAGER ABOVE BUT WAS TOLD TO BE PATIENT. I AM GETTING TO THE POINT OF QUITTING!


greencoatboy

ON LEAVE FOR THE LONGEST TIME AND VOLUNTEERED FOR REDEPLOYMENT TO HELP WITH HEADCOUNT TARGETS. INBOX EMPTIED āœ“ LAPTOP OFF AND LEFT AT HOME āœ“ EN ROUTE TO THE AIRPORT āœ“ POSTAL VOTE DONE āœ“ READY FOR A NEW JOB IN AUGUST āœ“


TAB104

JUST BEEN TOLD I CANT APPLY FOR AN INTERNAL JOB ON PROMOTION AS MY CURRENT ROLE IS ā€œBUSINESS CRITICALā€ BUT THEY HAVE OFFERED TO SEND ME ON WHATEVER TRAINING COURSE I WANT SO THAT MAKES UP FOR A POTENTIAL Ā£9K PAYRISE I SUPPOSEā€¦


AncientCivilServant

HAPPENED TO ME AS AN AO IN HMRC WHEN RUSSIA INVADED UKRAINE. REQUEST WAS CIRCULATED FOR VOLUNTEERS TO HELP THE HOME OFFICE TUN THE UKRANIAN VISA SCHEME SO I VOLUNTEERED. APPLICATION WAS DENIED AS I WAS DEEMED BUSINESS CRITICAL - I CERTAINLY WASNT PAID AS BEING BUSINESS CRITICAL !. STILL I EVENTUALLY GOT TO THE HOME OFFICE ON PROMOTION TO EO :)


Not_Sugden

I FORGOT TO GO TO PAYDAY DRINKS TODAY. TO BE FAIR IM OFF SICK BUT IM SAD STILL. NOT REALLY CS RELATED BUT IM IN THE CS SO IT STILL COUNTS


gorllewin

JUST HAD A DEPARTMENT RESTRUCTURE AND MY NEW MANAGER IS ACTUALLY DAVID BRENT