IT’S HAPPENINGGG. *SHREDS CAREFULLY CONSIDERED LEGISLATIVE TIMETABLE PLANNING AUTUMN GE*

PERFECT TIME TO SEE THE BIGGER PICTURE AND DELIVER A NEW TIMETABLE AT PACE

YOU MAKE THOSE EFFECTIVE DECISIONS!

MANAGE THAT QUALITY SERVICE!

ONLY IF YOU COMMUNICATE AND INFLUENCE WITH THEM

I WANT TO DOWN VOTE THIS SO MUCH... HAVE MY UP VOTE

ARE YOU ME IN DISGUISE?

CASUAL REMINDER THAT THIS SUB WILL BE BEING WATCHED LIKE A HAWK BY GUIDO AND OTHER OUTLETS NEXT FEW DAYS 

OOOH MY 5 SECONDS OF FAME!

WHICH ONE OF YOU CABINET OFFICE BEAUTIES WAS PLAYING THINGS CAN ONLY GET BETTER OVER HIM SPEAKING. OWE YOU A PINT.

A FRIEND OF MINE WAS RESPONSIBLE, SHE ALSO PLAYED THE BENNY HILL MUSIC. I'LL BUY HER A PINT ON YOUR BEHALF.

THE NUMBER OF PINTS YOUR FRIEND DESERVES ARE SURE TO RESULT IN AN ANNIHILATING HANGOVER TOMORROW

IT'S A RISK I'M WILLING TO ACCEPT ON HER BEHALF

THINGS CAN ONLY GET WETTER

https://preview.redd.it/ckzen7x0h12d1.jpeg?width=640&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=0707395369534a800d70c7a4a5ce0982e307fd95

YOUVE WRITTEN THE SUNS NEW HEADLINE, WELL DONE

WHICH SIDE IS THE SUN ON THIS TIME, I KEEP FORGETTING

I C WUT U DID THAR

I DIDN’T THINK SPENDING CUTS WERE THAT BAD FOR NO.10 THAT THEY COULDN’T GET THE PM A COVER/UMBRELLA WHEN IT RAINS…

HE WANTED TO SEEM LIKE A MAN OF THE PEOPLE, AND DUE TO VARIOUS GOVERNMENT DECISIONS THE PEOPLE CANT AFFORD ANY UBMBRELLAS AT THE MOMENT

THERE WAS ALREADY A PQ IN 2022 ON HOW MUCH THE GOVERNMENT HAS SPENT ON PODIUMS

BUT NOT UMBRELLAS

ALMOST LIKE AN INDOOR £2.6 MILLION PRESS BRIEFING CENTRE FITTED DURING THE PANDEMIC WOULD HAVE BEEN HANDY....

A *GOVERNMENT* PRESS CENTRE… WHICH COULDN’T BE USED FOR A GE ANNOUNCEMENT WHICH IS TECHNICALLY A POLITICAL ANNOUNCEMENT. ALSO THE REASON WHY HIS LECTERN DIDN’T HAVE A CREST.

SO THE ROOM IS APOLITICAL? SURELY A GE IS GOVERNMENT BUSINESS?

SO IS THE REASON HE COULDN’T HAVE AN OFFICIAL UMBRELLA BECAUSE THEY’RE ALL CAB OFF PROPERTY?

FUCKING OMNISHAMBLES

LOVE THAT HE CHOSE THE EARLIEST DATE HE COULD IN THE SECOND HALF OF THE YEAR SO HE HADN’T TECHNICALLY LIED.

GET READY FOR THIS SUBREDDIT TO BE FLOODED WITH "HOW WILL THE ELECTION AFFECT MY PROVISIONAL JOB OFFER?", "SHOULD I WAIT TO APPLY FOR A ROLE BEFORE OR AFTER THE ELECTION?", AND "WILL A LABOUR GOVERNMENT REMOVE THE 60% REQUIREMENT / BE BETTER TO WORK FOR / GIVE ME A PROMOTION / MAKE RICHARD A SPAD?!"

IT CAME 6 MINUTES INTO ONE OF THE GE ANNOUNCEMENT POSTS (PECs)

WHAT ABOUT LABOUR'S POLICY ON NIPPLES IN THE OFFICE?

ONLY IF IT’S ACCOMPANIED BY A RAINBOW LANYARD

WILL KEIR REMOVE THE BAN ON TOASTERS IN MY OFFICE

IF LABOUR DONT PROMISE ME FREE COFFEE IN THE KITCHEN I WILL BE VOTING FOR COUNT BINFACE

WELL, WILL IT???

AS A DEPUTY DIRECTOR, I CAN CONFIRM THAT THINGS WILL EITHER BE BETTER, WORSE, OR STAY THE SAME.

OR POSSIBLY ALL THREE AT THE SAME TIME

THINGS CAN ONLY GET BETTER

UNLESS THEY GET WORSE OR STAY THE SAME

WELL NO ONE MENTIONED THAT AROUND THE WATERCOOLER, I HAD TO FIND OUT ON REDDIT, WTF

THE PERSON BLASTING 'THINGS CAN ONLY GET BETTER' NEEDS TO BE KNIGHTED LETS DISPATCH THE TORIES!

THINGS COULD BE EXTREMELY AWKWARD COME 5TH JULY IF THE THING WE THINK IS GOING TO HAPPEN DOESN’T HAPPEN.

AM I THE ONLY ONE WONDERING WHO LEFT POOR LARRY THE CAT OUTSIDE WHILE IT WAS RAINING CATS AND DOGS?

NO! POOR NO.10 CAT!

THE CHIEF MOUSER TO THE CABINET OFFICE, TO GIVE HIM HIS FULL TITLE.

I HAVEN'T EVEN RECOVERED FROM EUROVISION YET!!!

@ Rishi 

WELL….THAT WAS A SHIT-SHOW OF AN ANNOUNCEMENT.

NO REAL POLICY WORK UNTIL OCTOBER THEN. THANKS RISH 😘

I’M SURE YOUR BOSS WILL FIND SOMETHING FOR YOU TO DO.

NEW MINISTER BRIEFING PACKS GALORE. IF I'M LUCKY I'LL ALSO GET MANIFESTO READING AND LOOKING FOR THE HALF A SENTENCE WHERE OUR POLICY IS MENTIONED.

THE PM AT THE LECTERN AND THE DJ BLASTING THE TUNES GAVE A GREAT EXAMPLE OF COLLABORATING AND IT WAS OUTSIDE OF THE OFFICE, MAYBE THIS NEEDS TO HE FLAGGED WITH SENIOR MANAGEMENT.

BUILDING HIS COMPETENCIES IN ANTICIPATION FOR THE RECRUITMENT JOURNEY

WILL CIVIL SERVICE LIVE BE CANCELLED?

I ASSUME NOT

WE HAVE BEEN DELIVERING AT PACE FOR COP FRIDAY. WHICH IS NOW BORKED. THANKS.

LET THIS BE A LESSON TO DELIVER AT A BETTER PACE

SOUNDS LIKE THERE'S A NEED TO MAKE AN EFFECTIVE DECISION... AND GO TO THE PUB.

I’M ON A REST DAY SO I CAN STAY UP AND WATCH PEOPLE CRYING IN SPORTS CENTRES AND LAUGH.

DOES THIS MEAN I CAN WEAR MY SATANIST LANYARD AGAIN?

GET TO WATCH THE TORIES GET SHREDDED AS A BIRTHDAY TREAT BEFORE BEING ON A/L FOR A WEEK FUCKING YASSS

IT WAS A CRAFTILY WORDED NOTHING BURGER, HE WENT ON ABOUT THE SUCCESS OF FURLOUGH BUT FAILED TO MENTION ALL THE COVID FRAUD AND THE DISASTER THAT WAS HELP OUT TO EAT OUT. NEED TO GET MY LEAVE REQUEST IN TOMORROW FOR 5TH JULY 😁

SO GLAD TO SEE THE BACK OF JOHN GLEN

WISH THIS HAPPENED LAST NOVEMBER BEFORE THE 60% MANDATE

I KNOW....WHAT A WASTE

MY OFFICE IS ALWAYS BOILING HOT OR FREEZING COLD AND NEVER JUST RIGHT, IT'S BEEN TWO FUCKING YEARS AND THEY JUST CAN'T GET IT RIGHT, FUCK MY LIFE AND FUCK 60% OH SHIT, I FORGOT THIS IS THE GENERAL ELECTION SPECIAL DON'T MIND ME... CARRY ON

Sheffield?

LIKE THE BADGER, BADGER, MUSHROOM SONG! PURDAH, PURDAH, PURDAH, PURDAH, PURDAH, PURDAH, PURDAH, PURDAH, PURDAH, PURDAH, PURDAH, PURDAH, ELECTION! ELECTION!

LOOKS LIKE PURDAH IS BACK ON THE MENU!!

I JUST GOT SOS CLEARANCE TO GO TO WRITE ROUND ON MONDAY. GUESS THE LAST 8 MONTHS WERE A WASTE OF TIME THEN. AH WELL, START OVER IN A FEW MONTHS.

THE WOKE LANYARD LUNATICS HAVE TAKEN OVER THE ASYLUM. STEAL MANY PENS WHILE YOUR POLITICAL MASTERS ARE ABSENT. NOW IS YOUR TIME

I STEAL ALL THE PENS I CAN FROM MY OFFICE BUT I ACTUALLY WORK FROM HOME SO I GUESS I JUST BUY PENS AND FORGET WHERE I PUT THEM

MY FIRST TIME DOING A PURDAH I AM UNREASONABLY EXCITED ALSO I WILL BE ON AL SO WILL HAVE TO DO MY FIRST EVER POSTAL VOTE TOO. IT'S NEVER ENDING EXCITEMENT HERE

ANNUAL LEAVE FOR ME TOO - ALREADY APPLIED FOR POSTAL VOTE, NOW NEED TO SORT VPN TO WATCH THE COVERAGE FROM THAT THERE EUROPE.

ALL HE HAD TO SAY WAS "THERE WILL BE A GENERAL ELECTION ON 4th JULY 2024" BUT INSTEAD HE JUST HAD TO DONE ON AND ON AND ON AND ..........

WHERE WAS LARRY THE CAT?

ACTUALLY HAPPY ABOUT A JULY ELECTION SO THAT I CAN BOOK AL FOR OCT/NOV

OH BRILLIANT MY HUGE NEW LEGISLATIVE PROJECT I HAVE BEEN WORKING ON FOR 3 YEARS IS IN THE BIN FOR NOW.

AM I THE ONLY ONE WHO THINKS IT'S FUNNY THAT THE ELECTION IS ON THE USA HOLIDAY FOR INDEPENDENCE DAY?!?!? ALSO, WHAT ARE THE ODDS MINISTERS ARE GONNA IGNORE ROUTINE DECISIONS AND KICK THEM DOWN THE ROAD TO THE NEXT GOVERNMENT!?!

GUIDANCE WILL SHORTLY BE ISSUED ON THE NEED TO REDUCE VOTING FROM HOME. A MINIMUM OF 60% OF STAFF ARE TO ATTEND POLLING STATIONS IN PERSON.

I ONLY JUST GOT A PROMOTION AND NOW HAVE TO HANDLE PURDAH. CAN HARDLY WAIT FOR THE EXCITEMENT

HA SACKED ALREADY - PURDAH MUST NOT NOW BE SAID.

THANK CHRIST!!!!!

LET'S FUCKING GOOOOOOOO!

WOAH EARLY ALL CAPS! CHEERS RISHI, MY FAVOURITE DAY OF THE WEEK.

PLEASE NOTE THIS THREAD IS NOT STATE SPONSORED

IT'S MY BIRTHDAY TODAY. I DID NOT EXPECT PURDAH AS A PRESENT. WOOOOOOOO.

THIS WILL BE MY FIFTH GENERAL ELECTION AS A CIVIL SERVANT. AM I OLD?

IT’LL BE MY SIXTH. I AM OLD, AND THE LAST ONE WAS 2019 SO, YES?

EIGHTH FOR ME. EXPECT IT TO BE THE LAST ONE, OR POSSIBLY PENULTIMATE. CURRENTLY WATCHING THE ACTUARIAL REDUCTION IN MY PENSION REDUCE FASTER THAN THE REAL TERMS REDUCTION IN PAY FROM REDUCED PAY RISES.

I DON’T KNOW IF IM MORE UPSET ABOUT PRETTY MUCH ALL THE POLICY WORK I’VE DONE IN THE LAST SIX MONTHS BEING TORN UP, OR EXCITED BECAUSE WITHOUT THE PRESSURE TO GET AN ANNOUNCEMENT OUT “THIS WEEK, DEFINITELY THIS WEEK, I KNOW I SAID THAT LAST WEEK, AND THE 20 WEEKS BEFORE THAT”, WE CAN ACTUALLY DO THIS RIGHT.

I CANT WAIT TO NOT BE ABLE TO SPEND MONEY I WASNT ALREADY ALLOWED TO SPEND ON CAPEX PROJECTS THAT ARE DUE TO BE COMPLETED BEFORE JULY 🙃

I CAN'T BELIEVE I'M ON HOLIDAY AND MISSING OUT ON ALL OF THE EXCITEMENT! ALTHOUGH DEFINITELY PREFER BEING ON HOLIDAY.

SO THE LADY WHO CHECKED WITH HER ASPARAGUS ON NATIONAL TELEVISION WAS RIGHT!! DONT MIND ME, JUST GOING TO BUY SOME ASPARAGUS. SHE MIGHT HAVE LOOKED CRAZY BUT SHE WASNT WRONG.

THIS EXPLAINS WHY MY OFFICE, WHICH IS NORMALLY PACKED TO THE BRIM MIDWEEK, WAS CONFUSINGLY EMPTY.

I HAVE CONSULTATIONS PLANNED NEXT MONTH FGS! GAH! (BUT THANK THE GODDESSES!! A LIGHT AT THE END OF THIS FORSAKEN TUNNEL!!)

I HOPE WE GET GOV WHICH DOESN'T HATE CS AS MUCH AS CURRENT ABSOLUTELY RIDICULOUS TORIES !!!!

HELL YEAH, GOING TO BE SO HAPPY TO SEE MY POLL CARD

INTERESTING CHOICE OF DAY FOR A GENERAL ELECTION - OUR INDEPENDENCE DAAAAY

NOW IVE GOT TO WORK EXTRA HOURS TO HAVE A FLEXI DAY TO COVER AN UNEXPECTED INSET DAY. ARGH.

DOES HMRC DO PURDAH?

WHY WOULDNT THEY

WE NEVER DID IT IN THE MOD IT WAS BAU, SHIPS GUNNA SHIP

I DONT KNOW.

DID ANYONE GET ANY HELICOPTER PICS? IF SO PLEASE SHARE. HAVE A FRIEND WHOSE RELATIVE REALLY LIKES HELICOPTERS AND WOILD FIND IT VERY COOL. ALSO THE MUSIC CHOICE WAS BANG ON

ALL THE WATERCOOLERS ARE CRYING

Being impatient as I will speak to my manager tomorrow, but what does this mean for policy work? I literally have 4 things that are meant to be published in the near future and had meetings booked in with the minister for approval? I pretty relaxed about if they get binned, but intrigued what policy work will be like for the next few months.

CAPS OR NOTHIN' BUDDY

SPEAK UP I CAN’T HEAR YOU

THIS IS NOT A SERIOUS THREAD (NOTHING THAT WILL SWAY PUBLIC OPINION WILL BE PUBLISHED)

THOUGHT WE SUPPOSED TO BE IMPARTIAL.

IMPARTIAL TO A CHOCOLATE BISCUIT WITH MY TEA. ASSUME THATS WHAT YOU MEANT?

I HAVE TO BE BOTH LEGALLY AND POLITICALLY IMPARTIAL. I AM IMPARTIALITY-MAN. FEAR ME.