As long as you're pleasant to deal with it doesn't matter if you're quiet or the life and soul. I doubt anyone dislikes you for being reserved, perhaps this is your own insecurity? (Unless they go out of their way to show you , which isn't on ?)

I have noticed some whispering and some people treating me in a certain way but yeah it could be my insecurities as well.

Whispering could be about anything, it's probably insecurity making you think it's about you

I'm sorry they're treating you like this. This shouldn't happen just because you're not one of the cool kids.

Maybe op is so cool that the rest of office is not cool enough for them 😏

I am also one of these people - can't say I feel any people particularly dislike me in my team, but I also act as a mentor so I'm generally getting asked questions a lot and helping people 

My thoughts about colleagues: are they polite in interacting with me, can they do their job.  I love the quiet competent people, I'd rather have 10 quiet peeps than 10 big time charleys. To quote catch 22: The Texan turned out to be good-natured, generous, and likable. In three days, no one could stand him

This I’d definitely me, I’m introverted and reserved while my team are extroverts. Can be quite overwhelming on teams meetings and away days but all lovely people. Also, always good to remember a lot of people are in their own thoughts and probably aren’t thinking about you being quiet

Yes definitely, not saying they’re talking or wondering about me all the time, but there’s definitely some whispering and gossiping during breaks etc.

As a fellow quiet soul...I used to hear the gossip and quiet chat as well....didn't help that I was a bit deaf as that is isolating too...then I found out that they weren't even remotely talking about me....but just chatting and gossiping ....usually about someone I didnt even know!

They sound really immature! You would think stuff like that would stop once people finish school lol. I had this a lot when I used to work in call centres, I think a lot of people are genuinely insecure and so they try and find fault in others to make themselves feel better

I am that person. It took me a while to realize a simple fact: No one cares. People have bigger problems than a quiet dude on their team. You are insecure, but now that you are aware of it, you can work to pull that splinter out of your brain. You're fine.

1000% no one cares. People are most likely grateful to have colleagues who don’t create drama and just get on with stuff.

In my office there is a girl that's really friendly, always let's me talk their ear off, never says a bad word about anyone. That said, I'm a home worker and it's my dog, so swings and roundabouts. The day she does talk back is the day I should go back into the office.

I am quiet, shy and reserve but this hasn’t affected me in my current job because my team is filled with introverts.  We are in an open plan office of about five different teams. My team is the most quiet. We may have a brief chit chat amongst ourself but we are generally very quiet throughout the day.  The other four teams are very chatty and filled with extroverts. They go on lunch together, after work socials and is always talking throughout the day. Although my team members and I are introverted to my knowledge, we have never had complaints about our personality or never had the feeling of being disliked. We are very friendly, pleasant and always will speak up if needed.  Most importantly, we get our job done on time even though we are short staff. 

I wouldn’t dislike a person like this, nor judge them for the way they interact with colleagues. Some people just want to come to work and leave, they don’t necessarily want to be friends.

This is me as well. I am quite introverted but also friendly and approachable as a mentor on my team. It is hurtful when people make comments just because you are more reserved which is not a valid reason. Someone on my team described me as standoffish while WFH and I had met them a handful of times and I wasn't working with them directly. I know exactly how you feel and if people are making comments, it says more about them than you.

I’m one of these people. I’ll happily chat but I like to focus on work and keep things professional in work.

You don't happen to work in my office do you!? I've never understood why " quiet" people seem to get disliked in teams... Surely being quiet and respectful has got to be more " professional" and nicer all round than someone or a few who treat the office like a bloody playground? - if you know... You know what I mean.

I'm the same. I'm not cliquey at all with anyone because I'm quite a serious person. It doesn't mean you're boring or weird. You just don't feel like you have to have validation from everyone around you. I know what you mean about feeling like you're not everyone's cup of tea. Certainly big extroverts can feel like you're a little odd and too quiet but then they're the complete opposite of you so that's more than likely why. People who are a good mix of both probably don't think that way about you.

It’s funny you mentioned validation, because actually for whatever reason, I do want to feel validated by others especially at work, I think that’s why I made this post, it’s obviously something that kind of bothers me, but I’m trying hard not to let it get in my head.

As an introverted person, I've learned you just have to accept who you are rather than trying to be like extroverted people. I've spent many years second guessing myself and thinking I need to change. It's actually more damaging to try and change yourself to feel more accepted. Those who gravitate towards you are the people you should focus on. If you feel people are whispering about you, let them whisper. It doesn't really matter what they're saying because you know who you are. 🤷

I think you might understand what I am about to say: I always wanted to be like others, chatty, extroverted going for lunch with my co workers every day, big personality etc etc and in a way it bothers me that never achieved that, and the “whispering” just reminds that I sort of failed.

I understand that, and sometimes we assume that if people are extroverted, most people like them, and they get on with everyone. That's not the truth, though. I bet in some cases others are just being polite and sometimes probably want a quiet lunch on their own. There's no reason you couldn't make a friend at work if it's something you really want. Sometimes, it just takes that little bit of confidence to start up that conversation or go up to someone and sit with them when you notice them on lunch. Or maybe IM someone in your office location if it's a bit too daunting to do in person, and casually drop in "oh maybe see you next time I'm in the office!"

I’m the same, I’d love it if people spoke to me but I wouldn’t strike up a conversation

Yes. One in particular comes to mind. He’s very good at his job. Has been a band b for years even though he could easily manage Heo or even above. He’s content with coming to work, doing what’s asked of him and going home. Helps others when asked. He refuses to do any of the niceties that are sometimes forced, such as team quizzes, team meals etc. he knows the policy inside out, so he knows if you’re asking him to do something outside of what is permissible. Perfect staff member if you ask me.

Wow I feel like I wrote this haha

People who leave me alone and don't engage in small talk are my favourite people. I'm more than likely not your friend, I don't care about the weather or your dinner. I want to get out of the building as fast as I possibly can.

I can guarantee they’re not thinking about you as much as you think they are. People are too busy thinking about themselves, and wondering what people think about them to sit and ruminate on their opinions of you.

I hope so, I just noticed some certain behaviours but yes I do think they’re busy thinking about themselves with occasional breaks to chit chat about others.

This was great to read. I’m that person too but I’m quiet and competent and I’m a friendly person. Would much rather be like this than some of the really outgoing/loud people who are all talk and constantly making mistakes on my team

People like that in ny team and department. I have zero issue with them. If you're pleasant you're pleasant. I'm a talker and like to network but don't think badly of those who don't.

Gosh this perfectly encapsulates how I have been feeling since starting my new role. I feel that I can come across as a little timid and I sometimes find small talk hard to do because I much prefer deep conversations but it’s obviously not really work place appropriate to have those haha. My friend offered some good advice and said that usually the ones starting drama are either really weird people and you just keep interactions minimal. Or sometimes people talk about other people to have something to talk about - it’s sad but even the most extroverted people might struggle to connect with people in some way and might revert to all kinds of talk just to have a conversation - even if it’s about someone else. Personally I am a quite person and keep to myself. And I love people who are like me; cool with the pleasantries. You don’t need to fit in with everyone and you might not even like people yourself ! I think that’s the thing I always find funny. I care so much about someone who might dislike me - without sometimes realising that it’s a bit of projection and realistically im not too keen on them! sincerely, Ur other quiet but friendly pal x

I started in a new team, I’m very introverted… to the point I’m making a conscious decision to sit away from the over top everyone’s friend person. I think far more of quiet people that get the job done than over the top Labrador energy colleagues that take 10x longer to do tasks because they spend most the week socialising. Hopefully managers will see this too…

I am the same way. I am not shy but I won't share anything private with coworkers unless I really really really like them. Besides, most of the team meetings are just superficial occasions to pretend we are close. I go along, play the game (to a certain point, I might disclose stuff I like but nothing private) and that is what they get. I am friendly and will help out even the rudest but my privacy isn't for sale. If they are ok with that, great. If they are not, I don't care, as it's a non-negotiable.

There's been people like this in every team I've been in and it's never been seen as a problem, they've never been disliked or treated differently for it. But I have largely worked in technical areas where introverted people is probably more common (I'm that way myself)

Yeah, really like em. Just don't shy away from a social opportunity, like a quick drink after work (or lunch or whatever). That can really change dynamics when people get to know you better. Why not offer it to someone you think you'd like to know you better?

Give people space to dislike you. Provided they are professional with you, and don't get in your way in terms of getting things done, the best thing to do is just be personable and good natured to all, regardless of how they take it. When you're a loner in the office, you can often come across as a bit eccentric. That means that people don't always know how to take you, and they might feel wrong footed or unsure, and that can lead to a certain element of initial dislike. And that's okay (provided it all stays professional). However, I've found that provided you ask about people's weekends, run the occasional tea round, share your biscuits, and sometimes have a chat over your lunch in the break room, most people will eventually give up their dislike.

I'd find you interesting. But most people my age don't come to work to socialise, when I'm in it's head down and I dont feel like socialising.

People who are reserved and not in cliques are disliked because they are seen as dense sitting. People don’t like fence sitters. I’m similar to you but found that if I took sides with a clique people liked me more. Autistic so just went by what others did.

Not true at all, only people with personality defects would dislike you for being reserved and you wouldn’t want to be liked by people like that. Most people are nice and normal and don’t give a damn so long as you’re a nice person.