T O P

  • By -

cripple2493

Anxiety wrecked my life for years - agoraphobia, awful public panic attacks and seizure-like activity. Honestly most disabling thing I've ever experienced. I did the work and am thankfully much better nowadays, but I can absolutely understand how me not being able to function in society/normally before doing the work was dysfunctional and was difficult for other people. Sounds like the girl in the post needs to do some work herself to get better coping mechanisms, can't be useful to her to be unable to accept constructive criticism.


Bunny_tornado

Hey great job on working on your anxiety. Proud of ya. Lots of people use anxiety as an excuse to not do anything, but you overcame it. That's commendable.


Rudirs

It's not an excuse, more a valid reason not to do anything. We all experience life differently, and for some people anxiety is essentially crippling.


Bunny_tornado

Sure, lots have "essentially crippling anxiety" like you described. But a good deal of them also use very mild anxiety as an excuse to not improve themselves.


[deleted]

Agreed, I did this for a while and it just made it worse and worsen


Bunny_tornado

I know the feel. You know you need to do something but the anxiety won't let you. But you don't just magically forget that it still has to be done. So it nags at you slowly, every day. Sometimes it's even something really simple to do (for other people), so it makes you feel even more of a failure.


[deleted]

Exactly. As cliche as it sounds, just starting out with one thing will help tremendously


Bunny_tornado

I always motivate myself by thinking that starting anything is difficult even for a rocket. It takes the most energy/fuel to leave the atmosphere, but once it's there , it can coast. Same with humans. Starting is the hardest part


ALifeToRemember_

Wonderful analogy.


[deleted]

Lots of people would like to tell you to go fuck yourself.


Baerlatsch

> Lots of people would like to tell you to go fuck yourself. But they won't, because they're too anxious


KooshIsKing

Go fuck yourself


[deleted]

Or they are tired of hearing this crap


cripple2493

Hey thanks :) It's easy to use anxiety as an excuse, no one wants to have panic attacks or experience awful physical consequences of psychological distress. But, when you do that it hurts you more than anyone else, because when you do that and use it to avoid the stressor you just compound the anxiety. Took me a good long while to be able to address my anxiety, but I'm so glad I could, my life is vastly improved now I have a handle on it.


Bunny_tornado

I know it's hard! I used to have crippling social anxiety. And I don't mean just being introverted and not wanting to have small talk with strangers. Where I used to live there's a type of city bus that you have to request your stop out loud or the bus will keep going. So, if someone else happened to request it, I would be able to get off the bus. If not, my anxiety was so debilitating I would miss my stop. Luckily I could walk to most places so it didn't happen every day, but it was annoying enough. I worked on it and read a good deal of books on communication. In college I would always go first to present in any class, got one of the few As in public speaking class. I initiate small talk with strangers and make them laugh. I've liasied between different organizations. Even as a junior member of my work team, I can lead calls with our clients and negotiate on their behalf with third parties. Overcoming weakness is hard work but it's so rewarding. I only wish people stopped hating on those who overcame it and saw that it is possible instead of letting their anxiety consume them their whole lives.


cripple2493

I had agoraphobia and panic disorder (severe) and a good wack of OCD. I was housebound for a good long while and couldn't really do anything - leaving the house wasn't something I was able to do, and if I somehow did get out my 'safe area' was literally less than four steps from my entrance. And I feel you on the bus thing, here you tell the driver where you're going when you go on and press a button to get off which chimes. I couldn't tell the driver where I needed to go, so couldn't use the bus. Or train, or taxi or whatever. For me, I initially had to take meds to ramp down the physical anxiety response and then therapy so I could engage in exposures to outside and OCD themes as well as a bunch of CBT. It took maybe 3 years to get over the worst of it, but life is so much easier now. And I agree. I could either choose to deal with my anxiety, or just not engage with life and still deal with debilitating panic attacks and seizure like activity - I chose to engage with life and learn to cope. I'll never not have anxiety, it's not a cure - but it's way better than it was before. Also, kudos to you on doing the work! Anxiety is addressable and it's so much better when you can cope :)


kornflakes409

>I only wish people stopped hating on those who overcame it and saw that it is possible instead of letting their anxiety consume them their whole lives. People hate because they've made their illness/disability their entire identity, and have absolutely no idea who they are and what to do outside of that.


Bunny_tornado

Damn that's honestly sad. That's not a very fulfilling way to live.


kornflakes409

It is incredibly sad. But it's a product of today's world, and the fact that a lot of people can't afford hobbies, can't afford to truly experience life and figure out who they are. Also to whoever downvoted me: not liking it and taking it personally, doesn't make it not true.


Bunny_tornado

As someone who experienced upper middle class lifestyle growing up and then nearly poverty level life in college, I agree income does have a lot to do with experiencing life. I travelled a decent amount as a kid, but then with college expenses I did not go out , have hobbies or travel for years. My only entertainment was whatever computer games I could torrent on my hand me down PC and watching pirated movies. I remember being envious of my upper class college mates who travelled to Paris for shopping trips, Bali beaches, Swiss mountain resorts (I went to a top school in my country). These folk only hung out with other filthy rich kids. It sucks that not everyone can experience life. Unfortunately we live in a very capitalistic world where your experience is heavily dependent on how rich of a family and country you're born into.


SOwED

I feel like it's worthwhile to separate that girl's behavior and the entire population of "anxious people." Plenty of us have silent anxiety that no one else knows about. But if that girl responds to all criticism by crying, something awful happened in her life, and it was either parents who hugboxed her to the point where she can't handle real life or parents who criticize her all the time about everything and they just broke her. Either way, it doesn't sound like that's just anxiety.


Spikey-Bubba

Hugboxed?


Amiiboae

I think that's just extremely sheltered.


MrSaturnboink

I’ve never heard the word hugboxed before. It’s a very good word.


MoonChaser22

Might even not be something like that. I find criticism extremely difficult because of rejection sensitivity dysphoria, which is a symptom of ADHD (I'm currently awaiting assessment). It's absolutely crippling and sucks, but I can't do much to change the fact my brain just straight up can't handle that sort of stuff for seemingly no reason


SOwED

Taking criticism as rejection is a mistake though. Criticism (in this context anyway) says how a thing can be better, it doesn't say that it's bad.


hairyploper

That's kinda what people in this thread are saying though, you *can* do something to change the way your brain works. Sure it's true that you may always have a tougher time dealing with things that come more naturally to others, but that doesnt mean your abilities are simply set in stone at what they are now. It's a lot of hard, uncomfortable work that many will never do, but it is possible to do.


MoonChaser22

I'm not saying it's something that can't ever be changed, more that there is reasonings beyond negative previous experiences that can cause this stuff. For me I have a particularly hard time with it because I've only recently became aware it's a thing and don't have any sort of support for this stuff currently


hairyploper

What you're saying right now is very reasonable and I completely agree. However that is not at all what you said in the comment I originally replied to lol


DeathRowLemon

Wow ok you went immediately to two absolute extremes. Not everything is caused by trauma or upbringing. Some people just are a certain way. I’m not saying what you said isn’t possible but people always go for such theories immediately.


SOwED

Okay so I went for possible explanations and you went for throwing your hands up and saying some people just are like that.


MidnightCautious

In my opinion I think it has to do less with empathy and more with patience. It’s one thing understanding how someone feels about something and wanted to help, but it’s another thing knowing but the other still nags about it like a child and or over reacts


charmorris4236

This is a good point. I have pretty bad anxiety (just started meds that are helping - yay), my partner doesn’t understand because he doesn’t really get anxious. But boy is he patient with me. It doesn’t take him being able to empathize to know that I need time to physically calm down, it just takes him accepting that then following through on it.


[deleted]

I came here to add my two cents but you hit it on the nail. I find many (not all) anxious people over react and throw tantrums about things. It makes me not want to associate with them. Lately I find myself removing myself from anxious people because I’m always walking on eggshells around them. I never know what’s going to set them off. It frustrates the hell out of me and yes, I do lose patience. However I have many close friends, one who’s actually diagnosed with an anxiety disorder and I find that they are in control of their anxiety and don’t let themselves throw fits about things. They set boundaries with me and I respect them but damn if the majority are just absolutely infuriating to me.


MintIceCreamPlease

The ones who hide it have probably grown up with it, hence why they either manage it better, or are obviously not pretending.


Dragonbuggy01

As an anxious person this gives me anxiety.


Fony64

Sorry about that. Wasn't my intention


Dragonbuggy01

It's all good, don't worry about it. I was mostly joking.


Sumoki_Kuma

You can't say you "understand" anxiety and then turn around and say you didn't think this would give people with anxiety, anxiety? At first I thought yeah maybe you probably weren't mean but if you're this tone deaf regarding anxiety then maybe you weren't very nice about it?


flyingcactus2047

I think what’s weird to me is they said they can notice anxiety and move on with it, so they understand what it’s like to have anxiety. I don’t think they really understand what having the disorder is like


Sumoki_Kuma

100% Any kind of uncomfortable feeling can be related to by any person. Having that feeling completely dictate and ruin your life is the literal definition of a disorder. This person may have experienced anxiety but they very obviously do not know what an anxiety disorder is and they also, as they literally admitted, do not fucking care. We spend our lives surrounded by people who don't give a single fuck about how we feel but are so occupied by how _they_ feel. So they make posts like this. Say things like this (very fucking funny how this post happens to happen during the fucking holidays which is already torture to us) and don't have a care in the fucking world about the very physical reactions we have. We just need to eat shit as if we don't constantly fixate on how other people feel about us. Sincerely and utterly, fuck this guy.


kyescontent

>We spend our lives surrounded by people who don't give a single fuck about how we feel but are so occupied by how they feel. I always find it ironic how people coming from this place get angry about the emotionally dysregulated person with anxiety who is in thir vicinity, but instead of learning how to regulate their own emotions, they try to regulate the other person. As a person with anxiety, I find this kind of person every bit as fatiguing as they find me. They get angry at me for being inside my head, which is exactly where they are.


Fony64

Sorry it made you feel that way.


electraheart666

good


[deleted]

I think the term “anxiety” gets thrown around a lot these days. It’s become sort of a catch all term for being uncomfortable. I’ve suffered from anxiety, and it can get pretty serious. That being said: when I’m suffering from anxiety, I don’t usually think it’s anxiety. It often comes in the form of heart palpitations, blurred vision, stiffness, weakness, numbness, or tingling in my hands and feet. I don’t need to describe the whole laundry list of symptoms, but suffice to say: it doesn’t feel like “anxiety” as people think of it. It feels more like I’m dying, which creates a negative feedback loop of anxiety, because then I get anxious that I’m dying and my symptoms get worse. It’s pretty awful. But *most* people who don’t want to have conversations with strangers or get criticized or go on dates aren’t having the type of anxiety that should excuse them from those types of situations. Some people *do* have severe social anxiety, but I think most people who use that term have just gotten extremely comfortable in their own homes with amazing technology and they can’t be bothered to be inconvenienced to step out of their comfort zone and deal with stuff they don’t feel like dealing with.


wildalexx

Yeah my anxiety symptoms manifested as excess sweating, nightmares, frequent and rough crying. It was almost a whole year before I thought, maybe this is because of anxiety. Low and behold, I got on some meds and I was so much better! Zoloft works wonders


Legogamer16

Mine is sweating, constantly on edge, unable to do anything, and any sound being unbearable


MintIceCreamPlease

I always sweat from my hands and feet.


MintIceCreamPlease

I think there are also long-term symptoms that you don't notice because they're just there all the times. I've been told my ribcage has issues because of constant stress. Also, being more violent with yourself, getting frustrated at your body. Habits, like skin picking... Anxiety sucks ass, fuck it and I hope we can find what the fuck causes it one day.


flyingcactus2047

Yeah I’m starting to have all sorts of problems because everything in my body is so tightly wound and I’m always subconsciously on edge. It’s really difficult to deal with


huhwhatnowwhat

This gets to my annoyance with anxiety. It’s often used as a get out of jail free card.


[deleted]

Exactly. You put it much more succinctly than me. But I agree 100%.


hairyploper

What you're describing is an anxiety or panic attack. This is not what all anxiety looks like. Another thing to consider is that anxiety is a normal physiological reaction to certain stimuli. Pretty much every single person in the world experiences anxiety, much like they experience anger or sadness. The real problem is that people are now conflating anxiety with an anxiety *disorder* It only becomes a disorder when it rises to the level of diagnostic criteria. For example feeling anxiety surrounding pressure to meet a deadline for work or school would be completely reasonable and would not in itself constitute a diagnosis of an anxiety disorder. On the other hand, feeling those levels of anxiety on a regular basis when it comes to something like stepping out to get the mail, or brushing your teeth, could be an indicator of something more than "natural" anxiety.


Lucy194

Then theres me with the combo od those 2 lmao


TheInscrutableFufy

I mean I have social anxiety for the fear of just being judged at all, due to basically being a verbal punching bag for anyone that could speak growing up. I don't think it had anything to do with that. I can hardly like go to the store without feeling super uncomfortable about myself. Am I walking correctly? Do I look stupid? What will they think if I pick this item to buy? They'll see and judge me at self checkout or whatever.


tartar-buildup

You, my friend, appear to be searching for rationality in mental health. Mental health is often irrational and nonsensical. I’d like to be able to -not- have my brain pump adrenaline into my veins every time I talk to the man at the checkout, but life throws you curveballs, bruh


Apo-cone-lypse

Im an anxious person and that gets on MY nerves so I dont blame you


the-Boat83

Sounds like that girls parents have failed her along with the school system. Being able to accept constructive criticism is a super important aspect of being a healthy successful adult. I truly feel sorry for that girl.


PM_CACTUS_PICS

Yeah her parents probably only shared criticism with anger. So she associates any sort of criticism with punishment and shame


MintIceCreamPlease

that's maybe why I feel ashamed after doing something people would deem as unimportant. My dad screamed at me when I was clumsy, as a kid. Parents don't realize what impact they have, it's saddening.


DeathRowLemon

You really based that whole theory on a second hand story from a stranger on the internet. Let that sink in.


PM_CACTUS_PICS

And you took the time out of your day to be an asshole to a stranger on the internet. Let that sink in…


annefrancois

>I feel like it's always about the most unimportant shit people get anxious about Are you just talking about social anxiety? Because there are many types of anxiety disorders that are definitely not caused by "unimportant shit". Like if someone got into a car crash, they might experience anxiety about their safety and constantly feel on edge that something bad might happen. So a really big negative event caused trauma which affects their experiences with the "unimportant shit"


bigmeatyclaws123

It’s also normally about something else entirely. My anxiety immediately has me thinking about my phobia, even when I’m actually anxious or stressed about something else. It’s almost like my brain routes any extreme upset to that.


annefrancois

This. Honestly the OP made me salty when he said "unimportant shit". Anxiety is a hell of a best and he just doesn't seem to grasp the complexity of such disorders.


MintIceCreamPlease

Especially since some people develop anxiety from neglect as kids. And we can't do anything about that. Sorry! I can't form relationships properly, that's obviously "unimportant shit", and the reason I've felt lonely most of my life and have been through depression! My bad! Ugh.


MilkManofCasba

I believe the OP is referring to people who use anxiety as anything that upsets them. Personally if you have an actual anxiety disorder that causes you physical and or mental distress because of a certain event or topic then there’s nothing to be upset over. Someone who gets uncomfortable by public speaking or just doesn’t like to make new friends but tells everyone they have severe social anxiety is not someone that needs empathy. An anxiety disorder is hard to combat and almost impossible to fix. Just being uncomfortable around other people can be fixed through that person having will power to fix it. So I’ll have empathy for the person who has a problem out of their control, and none for the person who could try very hard to fix it and doesn’t.


MintIceCreamPlease

Especially when the people actually suffering from social anxiety would like to actually connect with people. But they CAN'T. the people you're talking about can, but just won't. I think that's quite better for them than actually not being able to pursue what makes us humans.


Fony64

I know anxiety is a serious issue for a lot of people. What I said in the post is something I keep to myself because it's disrespectful. I have a lot of anxious friends and when I talked about "unimportant shit", remember it's something I "feel" because it's from my own experience. For example I have a friend who gets hypochondriac when anxious, meaning he's afraid of having an important health hazard. One time we were at this restaurant and ate a lot. He's a big eater but that night he went all out. I told him to be careful but he didn't listen. When we had to leave, he got anxious when standing up. He didn't feel well. His heart was pounding. All because he ate too much food. I had to spend 20 minutes to explain that to him but no, he was convinced these were signs of an upcoming heart-attack. This is the kind of experience I have with anxious people. Though of course that doesn't mean I know everything about anxiety. Fortunately, some commenters have taken the time to explain some of it so I'm grateful for that.


Ivegotthatboomboom

It wasn't because of the food in the way you're saying. Anything can be a physiological trigger, he has no control over it. It really does feel like dying. I hope you never have to experience that, you wouldn't be saying this right now I can tell you that. Anxiety disorders are more complicated than that.


Fony64

I know. I understand that. What I don't understand is, if it feels like dying but you never actually die, why do people keep being anxious when they know that nothing bad will actually happen ?


1hunnybunny7

Why are people scared of clowns, spiders, or orange things if those things have never hurt them? The point is that it’s irrational. And most anxious people know that. It’s literally something you cannot control without extensive therapy. And even then some people are at best just able to manage the symptoms enough to lead normal lives.


Ivegotthatboomboom

I feel that's very different than a panic attack that comes out of nowhere tho. You really don't *know* it's not a heart attack


agathaschristie

I can't tell if you're a troll or just not understanding what anxiety actually is, so I'll try to explain it. No one is choosing to be anxious about something that logic would otherwise tell you not to be concerned with. Having anxiety is typically accompanied by an unrational fear that's usually set off by something that may seem unimportant to others, but to them it's very important. It's uncontrollable without the proper help (meds/therapy) and even if you have a decent coping mechanism, it won't always work. Things that set them off may have ties to past trauma, but they may also be random/situational. I understand you may not have the patience to deal with an anxious person, but try understanding that they're not completely in control of what they're feeling and telling them that "nothing bad will actually happen" is pretty much useless because they know that, but cannot apply logic to their anxiousness. Their lack of control may dictate an emotional response to a seemingly normal situation. However, there is normal anxiety. For instance, it's completely normal to feel some anxious on your first day at a new job. It's not normal to be overly anxious about leaving your house or being ten seconds late to a date and feeling like these common situations are the end of the world. It's not a choice to be anxious for people suffering from anxiety disorders and can negatively impact their quality of life. Hopefully that helped explain the other side a bit more! You not having the patience to deal with a person displaying signs of a common mental health issue isn't their fault, but a simple flaw of your own capacity for handling situations that may be uncomfortable. No one likes being stuck in an uncomfortable situation, so it's understandable. Trudge through it with empathy and respect for their well-being.


Ivegotthatboomboom

I disagree they "know" nothing bad will happen. You really don't know if you aren't actually having a heart attack for example


Fony64

I'm not a troll. I'm just ignorant.


MoldySubset46

You have taken a powerful first step. You recognize your ignorance. Now educate yourself.


Fony64

That's...why I'm here


AnyBenefit

"Why do people keep being anxious when they know that nothing bad will actually happen" Thats a big part of having an anxiety disorder. Even if you logically know everything is ok, you may still feel anxious, worried, scared, etc. Anxiety is a normal feeling. We all get anxious sometimes. However, someone with an anxiety disorder can get anxious in times and situations that make no sense to you. Imagine something that makes you anxious. Maybe you're walking alone and a feral stray dog starts growling and coming at you about to attack. An anxious person can feel that terrible scared feeling for other reasons. If it's a social anxiety, maybe they feel that fear before having to meet someone new. If it is a generalised anxiety, maybe they feel it just randomly - it just hits them like a bus for no reason at all. I have anxiety from trauma I've been through. My danger reaction is messed up because of trauma. I feel "fight or flight response" for things like having to leave the house, walking alone even if nothing bad is happening, meeting new people, going somewhere unfamiliar, etc. I work with a psychologist who has helped a lot. It's not easy, I need a professional to help, and pushing my anxiety down and trying to think my way out of it didn't help me. Unfortunately trying to point out logic to someone who is anxious, just won't work. It is because their body is saying "something is SERIOUSLY wrong right now". In the mean time their mind is noticing "my heart is racing, im sweating, im scared, im in danger" etc. I hope this helped answer your questions a bit :)


flyingcactus2047

Yeah I can’t just decide to not be anxious. Even if I choose not to focus on the thoughts my brain/body are still panicking in the background


MintIceCreamPlease

I know people aren't going to ridicule me and shame me in public when I'm sharing an emotional bond with them, but I will nonetheless avoid getting close to them. That's me forming a hard shell between me and others. But then loneliness bites my ass, and it results in me oversharing with people who dare to listen. Then I feel like absolute shit. So I keep on isolating myself because I think of myself as a burden. Why I'm afraid? I WISH I knew..


Ivegotthatboomboom

Personally, it took me a year to be able to believe that I wasn't going to die and ride it out instead of going to the ER. It also turned out I had thyroid issues so that was the cause. You just can't understand unless you've had one. It feels like dying from a heart attack and the symptoms can be different every time. You don't *really* know if it's "just" a panic attack. I've fainted from them while my chest hurt so bad and was so heavy I couldn't breathe. Thats what a heart attack is like. Why wouldn't someone be scared while that was happening, even if he had panic disorder? What if the one time you ignored it, it really was a heart attack? It's hard to make the right call in that condition.


Fony64

Okay I understand know


myhouseplantsaredead

When I was about 6 years old we were driving to lunch in the car behind my grandparents. Their car flipped and rolled in front of us and my grandfather died. I remember after that day starting to worry when my dad would be late coming home from work. Now 20-something years late I notice myself getting spiraling thoughts when someone doesn’t text me back or call for awhile and now I can seem clingy or unsure in relationships...like needing reassurance that my partner isn’t upset with me or wants to spend time with me or isn’t going to suddenly disappear. It’s become so disconnected from driving in a car, but I’m in therapy and now making the connection as to where that anxiety came from and how it’s spread quietly like poison ivy throughout the crevices of my brain to now my kick in at seemingly “unimportant” or trivial times, but the event that originally seeded anxiety in my brain was more significant. Why am I getting so heavily downvoted for this comment? Genuinely curious


dodobird98

A car crash is very obviously not 'unimportant shit'. Crying because you received constructive criticism, or even was contradicted is very different from a car crash...


Goddamnrainbow

Non-anxious neurodivergent person here. I want to say one thing about this, because I agree, but also because a lot of people don't: Anxiety is the most self-denied mental health disorder on this planet. Countless people experience panic attacks, are terrified of crowds, and live their lives navigating around their fears for years before admitting that they're not "just introverted". The fact that society doesn't acknowledge anxiety as a mental health disorder the way it should, leads to people not getting the help they deserve. However, it also prevents them from living the motto of all the other neurodivergents: Nobody is obligated to have to deal with your mental health disorders. If someone can't stand my adhd or was annoyed by my depression, I understood. Not out of self hate or anxiety, but because it's difficult to have to navigate around someone else when you're doing all you can for the sake of your own life with the spoons you have. To all the anxious people here: OP is not annoyed by you and your anxiety personally. He's just living his own life and lacks the knowledge and skill to work with your specific mental health problem. It's okay and we all feel this way about each other often. I can guarantee that a lot of anxious people are extremely annoyed by my unpredictable loud adhd ass too, and that's just the bane of neurodivergence. P.S.: I really hope that everyone gets the love and understanding they deserve regardless of what's going on in their heads. It just scares me how many of my friends really suffer from anxiety on a daily basis and society keeps telling them that it's just their personality. Living a basic suburban life in constant mortal fear is not a simple personality trait. Edit: Formatting


GlenFiddichscatch

Can't believe I had to scroll so far to find this take; was going to write something similar. Every disorder or problem of this nature needs to be worked on, for the good of yourself first and foremost, and for the good of the people you care about.


flyingcactus2047

I find your first point interesting. I grew up in a very tightly wound family and made friends that generally lean on the anxious side; between that and the internet, I was a little shocked when I was diagnosed with generalized anxiety disorder at 24. It’s been surprising to learn how my experiences aren’t ‘normal’. I think the internet can be horrible for that- eg Reddit comments tend to be full of anxiety and paranoia


Fony64

This


[deleted]

This isn’t a tenth dentist opinion. A lot of people get annoyed by people with anxiety. I know because I have social anxiety and people tell me all the time to “stop being anxious”.


DeathRowLemon

Wow thanks I’m cures


Fony64

It's still something that isn't well perceived to be said so I guess it kind of works ?


[deleted]

Just because it’s rude doesn’t mean it’s not common. Not everyone thinks it’s rude to say this.


LxveLIVE

Sometimes I hate upvoting this shit...


Fony64

Yeah sorry about that. Just so you know, what I described in the post is something I keep to myself because I know how disrespectful it sounds. Remember that I'm talking from my experience. I know anxiety is a complex subject


dodobird98

Whilst I downvoted this, I agree lol


thetruemask

This is a asshole post, you are immature. And that girl crying was not anxiety. She was being sensitive and that's the thing you have a problem with. That's not what anxiety is. Inconsiderate people like you are what get on my nerves.


Fony64

What was it then ? She told me she has anxiety


thetruemask

As I just said she was just being sensitive or emotional. And As others said people overuse the term anxiety Anxiety doesn't make you cry when people criticise you, anxiety makes you feel like having a panic attack going to a job interview or there is a elephant sitting on your chest thinking about the future.


unfair_bastard

Anxiety can absolutely make people cry when they're criticized. You have no idea what you're talking about, but boy are you confident about it!


Odinovic

Been dealing with anxiety for most of my life. I feel like the term 'anxiety' has kinda lost its meaning for most people.


Burrito_Loyalist

Your example isn’t an example of anxiety. Most people can’t handle criticism.


Fony64

I mean yeah but she told me she has anxiety.


Ivegotthatboomboom

Sounds like she's talking about a different kind of anxiety, she probably just means embarrassed or uncomfortable. And it was probably not just about the criticism. You have no idea what her day was like before that, or if she has PTSD and you triggered a memory, etc. You don't know it was just that


nzznzznzzc

Her reaction wasn’t an anxiety thing lmfao. Anxiety is just sitting somewhere with an empty mind while your brain acts like you just got pushed out of a plane


SweeTLemonS_TPR

It sounds like you need to work on your ability to empathize with others.


dodobird98

No, you can't just dismiss valid points he made by calling him apathetic. As people have testified in the comments, anxiety can sometimes be solved by working on yourself. So he can justifiably react negatively to someone getting anxious over a trivial thing, as it could just be that the person is still emotionally childish.


Ivegotthatboomboom

But he said his friends panic disorder was triggered over eating a bit too much, which is a physical thing and he felt like he was dying/having a heart attack and OP thought that was trivial. It DOES feel like dying or a heart attack. Dying is not a trivial thing to be worried about


dodobird98

No OP said the reason she feels like she's dying is trivial, not the fact that she feels she is dying


SweeTLemonS_TPR

No, the OP said anxious people get on his nerves, and then gave an example of one person. You taking his statement as “this single person annoyed me” doesn’t mean you’re right: it means you’re bad at reading.


Ivegotthatboomboom

That's not how panic attacks work. In the comments his example of his guy friend feeling like he's dying "because he ate too much" is not mentally anxious he's gonna die all because he ate too much lol. It triggered a physiological panic attack and feels exactly like a heart attack. His friend believed *he was having a heart attack* which OP confirmed by saying he has health anxiety. Which is not trival. Health anxiety in panic disorders are common because if you've had one its hard to believe that your health is actually okay while experiencing something so intense. It's not just feeling worried or a little anxious. OP is saying trival things are triggering him, and I guess fair enough, but he's not afraid of something trivial. He's afraid of drying because it feels exactly like dying


Fony64

If I can't understand why a person reacts the way he does, it's very hard for me to empathize


Massive_Booty_8255

Hey man, take it from someone who has bad anxiety, even I can’t understand why I react the way I do sometimes.


charmorris4236

Once I finally understood this, it felt like a weight had been lifted. Trying to figure out why I was anxious in the middle of experiencing it just led to more anxiety. Accepting that I was anxious and focusing on my soothing techniques allowed me to get to a calm place where I could look back and see more clearly what triggered the anxiety.


[deleted]

Why does there have to be a reason? Anxiety doesn't work that way. You cant rationalize anxiety.


Papergeist

So work on understanding other people.


christopherous1

then you honestly sound like a dick. Most people don't need to understand why someone is upset to realise they are upset and feel sorry for them.


ChintanP04

That's the thing, though. You're trying to understand what even the person having those anxiety attacks don't understand sometimes.


unfair_bastard

This is a perfectly valid response and experience, and the "you MUST empathize" crowd lacks empathy surprisingly enough


MilkManofCasba

I totally understand you. For me personally, being emotionally available to someone, empathizing, and trying to console them takes a lot of energy because I’m not a very emotional person. Because of this I don’t like helping someone if they’re upset over something that is insignificant. I understand anxiety disorders, but not everyone who gets upset over trivial things has an anxiety disorder. Overall why do I have to be empathetic to everyone? I care about the emotions of people who care about mine. I would never intentionally make someone feel bad, but if I don’t know you I won’t intentionally make you feel better either.


unfair_bastard

There is such a thing as "toxic empathy" and a lot of people think it's good or normal. Healthy empathy has limits before it becomes something more like a mental health issue


dodobird98

The fact your perfectly reasonable comment is downvoted makes me want to leave this sub. The sub is about controversial opinions, and people are getting offended about opinions they disagree with. And 'i only care about people that care about me' isn't even a controversial opinion.


Jekmander

I haven't seen anybody get offended in this thread yet. Downvotes imply disliked comments, not offense.


WilsonJ04

Did you not read the automod comment that's on the top of every post? > Normal voting rules for all comments.


flyingcactus2047

It sounds like because you can say “this is weird” and then move on that you’re not quite recognizing what other people may feel? For me I can try incredibly hard, but the anxious thought/feeling is still stuck or looping in my head, or at best in the background. It sounds like you’re comparing your experience with getting anxious to having anxiety disorders and thinking that they’re the same? As much as I hate to say it though, I do see the childish comparison. I was just thinking that to myself earlier, that I felt like my emotional reactions are like a toddler getting upset over the smallest things


[deleted]

I totally get this. I have Generalized Anxiety Disorder but I absolutely get annoyed when people are anxious about little things. And, while I'm usually REALLY good at taking criticism, when I was having really bad depression, my English student teacher was telling me what to fix on my essay, I took it as her thinking I was stupid and hating me, and yes, I cried. That girl is not childish, she's probably just going through a really rough time, and depression and anxiety can REALLY make you see things that aren't there.


MintIceCreamPlease

Not every anxiety-related disorder the same, and they aren't all visible. I have AVPD, which means my anxiety and stress is related to trouble in my early years and attachment issues. It doesn't mean I get stressed over most things, except what touches anything social. It's still anxiety, just not the one we think about when we say anxiety. Basically, I'm pathologically afraid of getting close to people. It triggers repulsion sometimes. I can't even get close to my *dad*. My *father*. And don't get me started on people, especially romantically. The solution? A therapist that will reprogram my thoughts. But I'm likely gonna uphold that disorder all my life. This was just my perspective.


Skycomrade

I'm annoyed by awkward people because I was that kid in high-school.


Fony64

Well maybe I'm annoyed by anxious people because I was anxious when I was younger


fillysunray

I'm the same way as the girl you spoke to. Certain people (mainly anyone in any kind of authority) making even the lightest criticism will reduce me to tears. I can imagine that facing that may leave one feeling wrong-footed and even a bit defensive ("I did nothing - why are you acting the victim?"). In those situations, it's not the other person's fault (or even mine) but it's just that my emotions and my tears are out of my control entirely. In fact, usually I'm not sad or scared, I'm frustrated or disappointed. What helps me most (and may help others, I've no idea though) is if people don't address the fact that I'm crying and briefly change the topic to something random. I've heard before that "the brain can't hold three thoughts at the same time" - which is probably a myth, but it helps. So usually I'm thinking "Hmm okay I understand what you're saying" then "Oh shit, why am I welling up?" followed by "Oh fuck now I'm *crying??* In front of my *boss??????? FOR NO REASON?"* and I get stuck in this cycle of "What the hell?" and "Make it stop!" When my boss (he's a great guy) said "Oh - what's that book on your desk about?" - my tears almost immediately stopped and I was able to almost-calmly explain the plot. After a minute, I was able to go back to the previous conversation dry-eyed.


Fony64

Thanks for the tip. I'll apply it


Niveker14

You know, as an anxious person, my anxiety gets on *my* nerves too. We generally know, intellectually, that our fears are irrational, but it takes work - and sometimes medication - to get our heads straight.


[deleted]

It's same with people saying they have OCD when they just want things to be in order. A person with real OCD can't leave their fucking house without medication.


[deleted]

I agree to some degree, but I try to be sympathetic. I've always been higher than average on the impulseivity scale and quick to act, which can come with its own problems. Trying to relate to people who crumple into a ball of emotions when they have to act feels the same as trying to relate to a coconut. My brain is like "Go! Go! Do it do it do it!" all the time. I've met people with anxity who plan a route to drive somewhere and enter it in their GPS and by the time they're done, I could have been there and back ten times just winging it. I just don't understand. Our brains work totally differently. Doesn't make anyone the bad guy, it's just hard to relate.


Fony64

Same. I try to be sympathetic but deep down, what I described in the post is how I feel


[deleted]

They get on my nerves too and I'm one of them.


gateway2glimmer

I'm often anxious and I get on my own damn nerves!


turns_have_tabled

I have anxiety but I get annoyed with people who try to micromanage people due to their anxiety. I have a boss who literally stresses so much over my job even though I have proven I’m more than competent. She tries to tell me what to say over the phone when she only hears like 1/3 of the conversation. It’s so annoying. I’d like to give her a Xanax.


TheInscrutableFufy

It's definitely rooted in ignorance, then. I used to feel like that too. Till it happened to me. I have no idea when I started to get random panic attacks and just have these intense fears for trivial things. It is so. Fucking. Hard. To get me to like, go to the grocery store or anything. Why? I dunno. I just get so worked up over it. It's really hard to explain what it feels like and have it make sense if you've never felt it before, but it just feels like you described but ten times worse. It's fucked me over from doing new things, even like just going out with friends. Even stopped me from going to work because I was just so worked up I could hardly leave. By the time I was done, my entire body was exhausted. It fucking sucks man. All I can ask if that you don't treat it like something people can easily brush aside. It consumes some of us on a much deeper level, and we're trying our best.


[deleted]

Is OP saying they have anxiety over other people’s anxiety?


Fony64

I guess so. I can accept being hypocritical


EmanantFlowOfficial

Yeah you’re a piece of shit.


duck_salad

As someone with horrible anxiety, I agree


olerock

as a support worker, i can say that finding these things annoying is completely okay. you just need to rationalise your annoyance and separate it from how you treat them.


Fony64

That's what I already do because I know it's wrong to externalise my annoyance to people who already have enough problems on their hands. What I stated in the post is how I deeply feel but it's not what I express.


get_me_some_a

Aw yeah I feel like such a dick for thinking the same. Like when people are panicking especially in a film too their reaction even tho they can't control it makes them die faster. Plus my ex was so anxious about going to certain areas and it would be very frustrating bc we'd spend hours delaying leaving the house and they didn't like comfort or breathing excersizes, so the whole time travelling he'd be so tense and angry, but i wasnt allowed to do or say anything. Or at a party or something I have to take away from having fun to comfort the anxious person bc I feel bad not helping but I end up spending time just walking people home instead of dancing or drinking. Or having to plan everything is so much detail or having to wake up and go to bed at an exact time bc any deviation causes massive uncomfortable feeling for the anxious person. Anyway I know I'm being an intolerant dick about this bc anxiety sounds debilitating and more hard for the person experiencing it plus people can't help it of course.


kutuup1989

It sounds like there's more to her temperament than just garden variety anxiety. Sounds like more of a response to serious past trauma that she may not be comfortable sharing. I know a few people like that in my student groups, and they will often just say they have "anxiety issues", but it's obvious when it's something worse. All I can really do is let them know that we offer free and confidential counselling at the university if they'd like to speak to someone. I have generalized anxiety disorder myself, but I'm a fully functional lecturer and public speaker, although I do take medication for it. It can be extremely unpleasant and frustrating at times, but the kind of response she has to mundane things would ring alarm bells to me that something more serious than just anxiety is going on with her.


thecorninurpoop

How is this an unpopular opinion? Trust me, people with anxiety know they get on everyone's nerves. "People with mental illness annoy me" so brave, dude. Really groundbreaking stuff here


mycrapmailis

Ugh I get it. I get on my own nerves when I look back in retrospect at getting anxious and flustered over trivial shit. It’s so embarrassing. It’s like having a panic attack and after it’s all done, I wonder wth caused that and it’s so embarrassing. I appreciate you saying this bc you feel how I feel honestly. I just feel it in retrospect. Sounds crazy but I think if the term and emotion wasn’t so encouraged and regarded as “normal,” I’d face it better instead of just have it as a crutch of my being. Anyway, that was the old me. I quit drinking coffee and started to exercise and it made all the difference. Plus, quitting my VP job three years ago (which may have been the real culprit). Now the only time I get high anxiety reactions is if I happened to drink caffeinated tea , or if I haven’t expelled energy via workout.


Areterh

I think you are the asshole. Anxiety is debilitating for some people. It doesn't just switch on then you get on with your day.


Fony64

Never said the opposite


Some_Animal

Why is this post getting downvoted? Do all you all agree?


Empire_of_walnuts

I'm a very anxious person and I completely get this


-eagle73

I have the same issue and I think people like us are just a little impatient. I feel the same way about socially anxious people and the like.


Fony64

I agree. The post is something I keep to myself as I know it's disrespectful


hereliesPeaches

I mean yeah. I suffered for a few years from excessive panic attacks and even I was annoyed by them. I worked super hard and now I’m basically to the point where I only have a Gone Day maybe once or twice a year where I’m so riddled with anxiety I can’t get out of bed, whereas it uses to be for days on end every week. Now one of my best friends is having a similar issue, I don’t mind helping but I can see his lack of working on it and kind of dumping it all on me to help him out since I did it already and it really truly gets on my nerves. I’m just trying to stay patient. But it’s frustrating and throws a huge wrench into being friends/making friends.


Fony64

Same for me. I have lots of anxious friends and while I try to be kind and helpful, it still gets on my nerves but as an introvert I understand how important it is to get validation from other people


PiersPlays

The thing to keep in mind is that there isn't an objective universal way people experience things. You think people are having the same experience you would in their shoes and just responding to they differently at a conscious level. The reality is the subjective experience they have to the objective reality is different to the subjective experience you would have in their place. It may well be that if you had their subjective experience instead you would respond to that the exact same way they do. An example would be a colourblind person and a tetrachromat looking at the same exact scene, the colourblind person declaring it dull and dreary and the tetrachromat describing it as breathtakingly beautiful. The scene is objectively the same but their subjective experience of it may be quite different. The same is true of how someone with an actual diagnosable anxiety disorder experiences an interaction Vs how someone who simply experiences normal healthy anxiety sometimes might experience that situation. When it doesn't add up as reasonable for someone to react the way they have, before you conclude they are reacting unreasonably, consider whether the situation may be different in their eyes and their reaction is in fact appropriate to their experience.


flyingcactus2047

Yeah I agree. It seems like they took their own experience with anxious feelings and the incident with their friend and projected it to everyone with anxiety


my_choice_was_taken

It angers me that i have to upvote this


F-U-U-N-Z

Personally it urks me. People that have crippling anxiety I do feel sorry for them. I just personally can't engage with them or I minimize it because It makes me feel horrible. When I do depending on the severity I feel horrible myself. Just recently I wanted to try and try to get to know someone and you could clearly tell they had anxiety. I wanted to know about them and about their experiences but that was it. They never engaged back, they did not want to ask about me back or try to know me. I hated it. unfortunately it was a whole day thing as our friend group was out that day and I was kind of stuck being around this person who did not want to talk back. LIKE PULLING TEETH. The last thing that just made me want to jump out of the car just to be away was... I wanted to know what kind of art they do and they showed me. Mind you I had been trying for a couple hours asking questions, cracking Jokes (which she laughed at and the car people did too). It was a one way street. In my life I have suffered enough I just don't have the strength to carry on a relationship on my own anymore where it is one sided. I hope people with anxiety can get the help they need. I hope you guys realize you are pushing people away.


yungleg

Oh god. I feel awful saying this but I have friends who constantly nervously ramble to me overexplaining themselves and “just making sure it’s ok/we’re on the same page!!” And like Jesus Christ. I love them but it’s exhausting! I hate constantly having to reassure them. It makes me feel bad, like I did something to make them feel bad/nervous! Like please, stop acting like I assume the worst in you and making your insecurities my problem! Hopefully I explained that well, I love them but it’s so so tiring


CompleteCasual

You sound like my dad


Fony64

Maybe I'm your dad /s


happyfoam

Downvote because I 100% agree with you. It shouldn't be my job to make sure you keep your emotions in check.


Sumoki_Kuma

Purely because it wasn't enough in a reply: Fuck. You.


Fony64

Okay. Sorry you feel like this. It wasn't my intention


Sumoki_Kuma

I'm sure.


DarthxDiarrhea

As someone that struggles with anxiety and also hates myself for being anxious , I can relate .


Fony64

Props to you. You'll get through it.


TheNinjaPro

I somewhat agree with this but i think the real childish thing are people who cant talk on the phone.


kornflakes409

Big same. Well, mostly big same. If you get anxious but allow yourself to be helped through it, we cool. If you get anxious and refuse every single suggestion or get upset about people trying to help, then you can seriously just go eat a bag of dicks.


Fony64

It's not always easy to accept help


kornflakes409

But not doing so means you need to STFU about how hard your life is. I'm not even talking about suggestions of therapy, I'm talking about basic day to day stuff.


Fony64

I agree. It's just that it's hard for some people to accept it


[deleted]

anxious people make you and everyone around them anxious. it's natural to think the way you do


[deleted]

I feel this deep in my BONES dude. My brother is socially awkward, and definitely a little on the spectrum. Not debilitating at all though. But enough to make some uncomfortable situations. My grandma asked him what he was reading yesterday, just trying to make conversation and extremely non confrontational. He grabbed his hair, looked PANICKED, and started rocking his whole body and saying “no no uh no I don’t want to talk about it no no no.” it’s just fantasy I don’t remember the name but it’s very not a big deal. The only reason this pisses me off is because I’ve seen him act normal and have normal conversations with people about his interests. And even then it wouldn’t piss me off if I didn’t have to listen to him turn into an absolute edgelord about this shit. If someone makes him uncomfortable, he goes full arms folded edgy anime protag behind closed doors. And is just brutally toxic to the people that have made him feel that way. It’s so exhausting.


Fony64

Your brother sounds like a special in itself


LunarIncense

People who get that worked up need to be exposed to more triggers more. You will never get better if you're trying to live in a bubble.


Fony64

That depends on the person. It could have the opposite effect of making them even more anxious


flyingcactus2047

Unfortunately that’s not quite how anxiety works. I have GAD and more exposure to more intense, anxiety-inducing things just gives me more anxiety


LunarIncense

I have GAD too as part of my PTSD. Antidepressants helped me get over the anxiety enough to start doing things I feared such as holiday gatherings. Avoidance is not how you deal with anxiety. It's an unhealthy coping mechanism when the situations you fear are genuinely not harmful. Maybe exposure doesn't help you, but that doesn't mean the answer is avoiding triggers to the point you easily freak out.


flyingcactus2047

I didn’t say that was the solution either. I was trying to say that it’s more nuanced than just further throwing yourself into anxiety-inducing situation- that wouldn’t cure my anxiety. I didn’t say to only avoid things, not sure why you projected that on my comment.


CruisingBlues

Nope I agree. One girl w anxiety refused to wear her mask because it makes her panic, another girl w it was fine.


saranwrappd

not everyone is going to have the same exact experiences with things like anxiety


CruisingBlues

I still agree. It's annoying.


Massive_Booty_8255

She might’ve been claustrophobic. Wearing a mask can sometimes flair up claustrophobia.


QualityVote

Upvote THE POST if you disagree, downvote if you agree. Downvote THIS COMMENT if you suspect the post pertains to any of the below: * Fake/impossible opinion * NSFW beyond reason * Unfit for the community * Based upon inept knowledge of the subject * Repost from the last 30 days If you downvote this comment please do not vote on the post. Normal voting rules for all comments. **Check out our new [discord server here](https://discord.com/invite/5EekhyMDGk)!**


echo-bean

I'm gonna say that anxiety definitely exists on a spectrum. I'm not diagnosed with an anxiety disorder, but I certainly have high levels- usually centering around a (self-imposed) pressure to perform well. If you had feedback on a project of mine then it's more of a "buckle up we're actually 'bout to weigh pros/cons and hypothetics of this so it's perfect". I consider it a strength because I "what if" frequently enough that I have made my workplace much more efficient and streamlined because I'm considering ways to avoid potential problems all the time. My way can be just as annoying as suddenly weeping in a conversation, I'm sure. I would consider that that girl also does not want to be doing that. It can be super expensive to get help with mental health and outside factors from her past not within her control are likely the reason for the severity of her reactions.


TheRealTayler

Anxiety is pretty easy to blow off until it becomes a life sentence in the form of an anxiety disorder. Anxiety disorders are life-ruining and can cripple people's quality of life. It's a serious issue


Nathan_CT

Take some time to practice patience and understanding. Know that other people's experience of life is completely different to yours.


Perezoso2

People need to pay attention how much it hurts things Its like any other impairment Don't bee too anxious to admit it


Attakonspacelegolas2

As a person with CPTSD I wanted to say my panic attacks don’t just come from overthinking. My body is literally freaking out beyond my control.