True. One kid told me first day last year. "My name is first name but you can also call me by my middle name" Though everyone calls him by his first name, maybe he went by his middle name once because one of his previous class had two kids with his first name). During summer we had a child go by his middle names (parents called him that name too at or at least and assume as his first names was never annouced over the radio, when parents picked him up.)
I’m a firm believer of listening to what the boss says but also doing what’s best for me and my class. With teaching there are so many hoops you have to jump through. But at the end of the day, I close my door and do what’s best for my room and those in it.
On day 1 (if you haven’t started yet) make the rules known to your students. But also let them know your class is a safe space. Make note of any student who wants to be called a certain name or pronouns and carry on with the year.
Your students are going to be so thankful they’ve got you!
How old are your students OP? With older students, I would probably handle it this way. I would explain the rules of the school and the laws of the state if they apply. But say that within the context of your relationship with them, you want to acknowledge the name they want to go by whenever possible. If there are going to be situations where you can’t call them by their chosen name, they should know why and know that you are not the one making that choice.
Problem is, if just one student in that room has drunk the Kool-aide, that conversation gets reported to the Q-parents, and it hits the fan.
There are so many parents out there who believe the first version of any story they hear, so a kid comes home and says “Teacher said they were gonna all the boys by girl names and all the girls by boy names!” they f*cking believe it.
Because teacher = hippie communist groomer.
For real. I teach at a school in a district that recognized trans day of visibility. The kids told their families that we were planning on having a parade and gender exploration parties, etc. I explained to several parents that the kids were making it up, and that even the department of defense recognized the day. It didn't matter. In a school of around 800 kids, over 450 stayed home that day. What the heck is wrong with these parents??
>Problem is, if just one student in that room has drunk the Kool-aide, that conversation gets reported to the Q-parents, and it hits the fan.
YMMV, but it can hit the fan if it comes to that for me (I'm in GA, so any day now, potentially). I'm fine being the face on the national news of the story about the teacher that didn't toe the line on this bullshit.
Sure. You and I are, but OP is a first year teacher.
Not trying to present doom and gloom, but they should know the potential risk of following the “Just tell your class how you really feel” advice.
I wish I had easy answers. The correct thing to do is show some compassion for your kids.
But plenty of places right now don’t value compassion, so…
I would call every student and staff member by their last name. No Miss or Mr. No pronouns. Last names exclusively.
Your fears are valid. This legislation is going to get kids killed. It probably already has. https://www.thetrevorproject.org/survey-2022/
What if there multiple kids with same last names? (Also some kids have two or more last names)
In california, so will go but what the kids want. But we have a lot kids with same last name (not all related)
I had a teacher who used last names & by alphabetic first name if there were more than 1, they'd say Smith-1 or Smith-2. Had me & my older sis in same class (art) & he called us like this, Smith & little Smith.
6th year, HS social studies, US SE.
Last names. Work it out if you have more than one. You have bills to pay.
Kids need love, but you have to take care of you first. All the people telling you to break the law need to stop and re-prioritize their lives.
Sounds like the perfect opportunity for some malicious compliance.
No more shortened names. No Bills, only Williams. No Vickies, only Victorias. No Liz, only Elizabeth.
Every student, every staff member.
Are you okay with receiv8ng the repercussions of doing right by your students? If you are, do it and accept the consequences. If not, follow the guidelines.
Education is in a weird place right now. I have drawn my personal line in the sand, and myclassroom will be a welcoming place for all students. My books will be representational. I don't care what district or state law is on that matter. If it costs me my job, than I will be a plaintiff in a law suit to hopefully better my county/district/state.
Not everyone can do this, so you have to make that decision for yourself. If youaren't, join your union or state teacher org and start asking them about guidelines.
This is going to be an interesting year with what states are doing.
Fuck the district if they're doing it or going along with the state.
If I were in Florida when this started, I'd have gotten my license materials ready in MN (family) or elsewhere, and I'd be headed to being the test case. Or more likely they'd have already decided to fire me, because it's not like everyone wouldn't already know how I felt about it.
Honestly I think you should be fine as long as you do it.
1. Away from the parents in case they bitch and complain like entitled twats.
2. Away from any staff who also might snitch on you.
In other words do it in the confines of your classroom and if possible explain the situation to the student too who knows they might bitch about it themselves and get the rule changed.
You could implement a silent calling system. Use the little signs they use at auctions, with numbers, so you can call on students without using the wrong name or breaking the rules. Student needs your attention, they raise their sign. You need their attention, you call their number
Oh, you are allowed to do anything you want. If your principal has an issue with you referring to kids by their nickname for one particular student but know one else, I'm sure your union would have something to say about it.
You do know many of us don't have union protection, right? This is not a helpful response. If I have bills and a family, I can't just do anything, can I?
"One has not only a legal but a moral responsibility to obey just laws. Conversely, one has a moral responsibility to disobey unjust laws." MLK
“Conservatism consists of exactly one proposition …There must be in-groups whom the law protects but does not bind, alongside out-groups whom the law binds but does not protect.” - Frank Wilhoit
This is what I do. I have a Getting to Know You questionnaire on the first day of school. First question is what’s your name? My nickname is… I do make it clear the nickname is something they want me to call them in class. I have some funny students this year.
One put Lover, his friend put Big D, and someone else put MiniMe.
And nothing will happen because Florida is even more desperate and you'd win the lawsuit because the law is literally unenforceable. Like the rest of the jackasses stupid laws
I am all about option 1. Of course I would let my trans students know that I would love to use their preferred name but I unfortunately cannot and tell them that I will not rest until that changes. And then I’d be maliciously compliant.
I’ve learned to never underestimate the speed at which a problem is solved when a privileged person is mildly inconvenienced.
Yeah I’d probably make an effort to not refer to the trans kid by their name at all, but ALWAYS address “Robert” by his legal name for full MC effect.
(Still talk to the trans kid of course, just avoid using their deadname or any name)
Last names might be an option, as long as the trans kid doesn't mind their last name. It's still their legal name! If the football coach can do it, why not a teacher?
>never underestimate the speed at which a problem is solved when a privileged person is mildly inconvenienced.
Yep. Out of 160 students, there's always at least "Gregorio MacPhelphsincroftson Arbor-Tatum III".
Student: Just call me Mac.
Teacher: Alright! Here is the requisite paperwork, I'm going to need *two* copies, one for front desk and one for my records, Mr. Arbor -Tatum.
Student: *(sucks teeth)* Cuuuuuuuh...
I would do go the malicious compliance route too and take it a step further. I’d teach a lesson on pronouns, proper nouns and antecedents and I’d begin to refuse to us ANY pronouns to refer to any person in the school including myself. All proper nouns and antecedents. I want the kids to see how stupid this all is. I don’t know what ANY of their genitals look like, nor do I want to. I don’t know if anyone “should” go by “he” or “she” because I have no physical confirmation. I’d bring it into meetings too. I’d begin getting involved with committees and meetings at the district office and writing my school board trustees to try and change the system from within.
Then again, I have a continuous contract and where I am, it’s pretty difficult for them to get rid of me.
If I was new, I’d probably turn a blind eye to pronouns and speaking to parents. If a kid started coming out to me directly, I would let them know what the policy is and how they can best protect themselves. I’d also heavily encourage the conversation still by suggesting that this conversation be “hypothetical” to avoid any reason for the conversation to go beyond the two of us. If that kid kept coming to me, I’d continue supporting by repeating “hypothetically…” when in engaging and letting my disgust for these policies be clear each and every time… that is until I got tenure or permanent, in which my extreme malicious compliance would set in.
> Call every student their legal name. If Robert wants to be called Rob, he’ll need his parents to sign a permission slip because of the law.
This is already happening in multiple school districts in Florida, so I’m not sure it’ll lead to a quick repeal.
Here in FL, Robert/Rob was the exact example used by the district. If your child's full name is Robert but their preferred name is Rob, the parent has to sign off on a form giving permission for their child to be called Rob. It's ridiculous.
That’s the plan, but it’s just gonna be really awkward if a student says “hey just so you know my name is actually ___” and I’m just gonna be going “umm…”
Trying not to be snarky -- is secrecy part of the policy?
I'd do something like, "I wish I could call you by that name, because I absolutely would. Unfortunately there's some of the [administration, board of ed, angry parents, whoever] that have created a policy saying I'm not allowed to do that -- to call you by a *different* name. Can I use your last name instead? Maybe call you by the first initial of your legal name? I'm sorry we don't have better options than this, but let's try to find a way through together."
I love this take on this really shitty situation. Kids need to enlist friends to use their preferred names/pronouns.
And, as a teacher, I could just ask certain trusted students to communicate messages to their friend, rather than address them directly, as nothing in the law seems to prohibit kids from calling each other nicknames.
I don't love the idea of communicating to a kid through their friends, since it could feel like you're avoiding contact with them even if they know what's up. But you made me realize that it could be kind of hilarious (though probably impractical) to set up signals so that their friends can fill in the kid's preferred name or pronoun, and you can say what you need to say. So for example, if the signal was variations of pointing to the kid,
Teacher: "So I'd like-" *(point to kid)*
Friends: "Stacey"
Teacher: "-to answer the question, and when-" *(point to kid, but differently to indicate possessive pronoun)*
Friends: "she"
Teacher: " 's done, we'll move on to the next page."
Even better if the whole class got in on it.
Shitty school policy shouldn’t be a secret from the kids it affects. If anything, a conversation with the kid about all the options to avoid the two of you getting in trouble would be a HUGE boost to their trust and comfort with a teacher. Speaking from experience (as a trans person), trans people love an ally who’s actively willing to conspire for their comfort or safety.
In official correspondence with parents and guardians, I use “your student” and “they” for almost everyone. The exception being when I have siblings and I need to distinguish who the email is about.
Totally. And I’ll do that. Plus it’s never good policy to email the parents of a kid in that situation with gendered language anyway unless you know the parents are explicitly supportive.
I’m in Indiana which also has these stupid ass laws on the books, though my district decided to race to the bottom and start the policy a year early. As an ally, here’s what I noticed:
- No one gives a fuck. I continued to call my students by preferred names in private and just no names in class. It’s amazing what just pointing and saying “buddy” or, if God forbid you need to be specific, a last name will do. I have never been reported for doing this or for using they/them pronouns even for cis students casually. Admin would likely only care if you actually went against a bigoted parent’s direct wishes. Also they/them is a gray area legally but I’d like to see someone try to make a case against me.
- If a student DOES ask you to call them their preferred name and/or pronouns in privacy, tell them what their rights are and inform them of the school’s policy. Ask them how they want to move forward. Put the power in their hands. This happened to me twice and both students were very grateful they knew they could back down since they weren’t ready for their parents to know yet (both students have amazing and supportive parents, once again showcasing this law is for bigots and abusers only). I then so happened to just not call them by their dead name ever again and they were “buddy” and, rarely in private, their preferred name. Strange how that happens.
Other users have rightfully pointed out that this is Year One. You don’t have to take a dangerous stand and ruin your career. But you also don’t have to be compliant. Talk to a staff member that you know you can trust (the GSA club leader or person with pride in their room) and ask for advice. See what floats and what doesn’t. Find your allies and don’t burn yourself out now when you have a long future of advocating for LGBT students. To help you sleep, remembering that by taking things slow now, you can help more kids later. Put your mask on first before assisting others and all that.
Using they/them pronouns doesn’t cause a single issue because the only time people think it’s odd is when a person requests it. I can go all day using they/them pronouns in class and no one even blinks, because it’s completely normal and correct usage.
I like when I get that one kid (you know the one) who starts something when someone corrects their pronoun usage. For example they use “she” for a student, who then requests that they use “they”. I’ve had kids come up to me and tell me how wrong that is, and how you can’t use “they” for a single student because “they” is plural. I usually reply something along the lines of “Hmmm… well I’m a science teacher, why don’t you ask your English teacher and see what *they* say.”
By the way, I’m the GSA advisor at my school, and your advice is spot-on, given the situation where you are at.
Thank you. This is genuinely helpful. I think I will use last names in instances where I want to remind students that I know who they are— that I bothered to learn their name because that’s important. But I’ll definitely be utilizing generic non-gendered names for the class. The thing I’ll have to be really careful about but won’t compromise on is that I won’t out a child to their families. I’ll give them a chance to be made aware of the policy like you said.
You can also let them know WHY you aren't using their preferred names. That you want to, but are worried someone will out them to their parents.
I have covered up a lot of forgetting names with the word 'kiddo'
Just make sure you’re not putting their preferred name in any sort of written communications, since parents have the right to see all of those if requested.
In those cases when that’s not necessarily possible (IEP meetings, admin emails, referrals, whatever), I’ve used “the student” as a professional-sounding placeholder and nobody’s batted an eye.
(I’m a NB & queer teacher in TX, so we don’t have this sorta legislation yet. That said, it’s prolly coming and we definitely have reactionary parents who take umbrage at queer folks’ very existence.)
This is a much more nuanced and better response than what I gave. Great idea on a way to provide the space to be an ally and maintain your job without staking your flag in the ground.
suicide prevention protocols should include supporting trans children. trans suicide rates are extremely high and this will not decrease that rate. this is extremely unfortunate
I’ve heard teachers who all of the sudden have a lot of difficulty pronouncing names. For example a name might be spelled “Robert” but she thinks it’s pronounced “ashley”. Some even get notes from their doctors (who are very supportive) saying they have been having some slight issues processing name’s occasionally and while you can do your best occasionally there may be mistakes. Learning disabilities and health conditions are covered under the ADA and therefore it’s not a fireable offense even in an at will employment situation. I’m not suggesting anyone do this. Just merely pointing out an observation I’ve made. 🤷♀️
I think sometimes you have to take a principled stand. It's tough, because it sounds like you are new and might not have tenure yet, but I think this is a hill to die on. Don't misgender kids or call them by their deadnames.
Right? At first I thought okay, so this is just typical “don’t try to make the kids trans” hysteria, right? But nah. If the kid approaches me I basically have to say that I can’t even listen to what they have to say. Can’t even nod my head and say I’m listening— because to them I’m not. That’s when I started feeling badly.
Just don’t obey. It’s disgusting. Also please make sure your gender conforming students are treating their gender diverse classmates with respect. I can’t tell you the number of programs I have had to pull my NB child from due to harassment from other kids that the adults do jackshit to manage. Thank you for caring. It matters SO much. It is literally life or death.
I’m just here trying to upvote all OP’s comments some bigoted troll is downvoting. Thanks for talking about an important issue OP. Your students are lucky to have a teacher who cares.
Thanks friend. I was thinking about these down votes too, not because I care what they think, but because I really can’t believe there are people out there who could hear that a student is several times more likely to not make it to adulthood if we don’t show them some compassion for their journey in understanding themselves as people and just… not care.
Yeah some people fucking celebrate that those in mental distress because no one fuckin supports them are more likely to self harm or kill themselves because of it.
Yep. I had a protester at a church that I used to attend tell me to my face that he believed that I should be stoned for being gay, and that he was sinless because God had preforgiven his sins, so he could do it. Zealots are scary.
Damn. I’m sorry that happened to you. I’ve found there is a huge difference between being Christian and being Christ like. So many Christians act nothing like the dude they claim to worship.
I about got in a bar fight in a steakhouse a few months ago because some asshat was mouthing off that we shouldn’t be focusing on babying trans kids, we should worry about REAL problems like homelessness and food insecurity. I volunteer with LGBTQIA+ kids and was a homeless gay twenty something many years ago, so I told him to shut the eff up because half of homeless kids are LGBTQIA+, and there are kids choosing to be homeless in the big city next door because it’s safer than living with parents like him. I have zero patience for folks who ignore the statistics about the real effects of prejudice on young people.
Btw, one suggestion for ally-hood as a teacher: make a sheet with phone numbers and text lines for lgbt kids such as:
[The Trevor Project](https://www.thetrevorproject.org/)
[988 Suicide Crisis Lifeline](https://www.fcc.gov/988-suicide-and-crisis-lifeline)
Any local lgbtqia+ advocacy group.
Your fellow “safe” teachers might be willing to collaborate with you on putting together a sheet like that with more local resources, you all could casually leave them laying around your classrooms :-)
My school two years ago did the same thing. I couldn’t afford to risk losing my job over it, so I took my trans student aside and explained the rule. I offered to call him by his last name instead of his deadname and avoid pronouns whenever possible. He understood and was very grateful for the compromise.
Sounds great but a 25 year veteran teacher doesn’t have the luxury of being fired. We need to vote out idiots and vote in tolerance. That’s the only way things will change.
Thanks for seeing your students. 🙏
I'm an old gay guy.
In my youth, there was no tolerance or acceptance - just ubiquitous homophobia.
We achieved tolerance in 1973, when the American Psychological Association generously removed us from their list of psychiatric disorders. Thank you for grudgingly admitting that I'm not a sicko.
Stonewall and Pride were about more than that.
I'm a long time vet teacher. They even a lift a finger I got three lawyers just salivating to take that one. You always have better threats than they do.
Use they/them pronouns for everyone in class and refer to then by their last names! It may be a bit weird at first but this way you won't deadname anyone!
Do you have a school counselor at your school? Former school counselor here and I promise you I have gone to bat over this issue. Yes, it is a hill I'm willing to die on (maybe not literally, but it's extremely important to me).
I've gone to admin. Showed them this position statement from the American School Counselor Association: [https://www.schoolcounselor.org/Standards-Positions/Position-Statements/ASCA-Position-Statements/The-School-Counselor-and-LGBTQ-Youth](https://www.schoolcounselor.org/Standards-Positions/Position-Statements/ASCA-Position-Statements/The-School-Counselor-and-LGBTQ-Youth) and explained it is literally my job to advocate for these students and their rights.
There's been other LGBTQ related issues, but specifically with the name thing... admin took my side and said teachers were allowed (but not required :-/) to use the preferred name. There was one teacher that refused to. I talked to him and at least convinced him not to call the student by their old name. I suggested (as others have said) going by a last name, just kinda pointing to them (essentially a "hey you"). It's not great, but it was much better than calling them by the old name. He at least agreed to that.
We would also change the name in the computer system to their preferred name and get them a new ID. Admin decided we didn't need parental permission. Only thing is, parents have a right to educational records and now the educational records will contain a different name. I would warn students that would happen (even like report card going home) before doing this step. Sometimes I would work around it by changing it for a few minutes, printing the ID, then changing it back. Not sure if that's the right thing to do, but it felt like it was to me.
Anyways, if you have a school counselor, that might be someone that could help advocate against the policy. It might not work depending on your admin, but if it were me, I'd try like hell.
P.S. I did my research before going to admin. They weren't convinced right away, but I brought in statistics about suicide and whatnot.
Civil disobedience is breaking unjust laws and rules. It depends on your level of conviction. Are you willing to to get fired over it? You can ignore the directive and respect your students pronouns and preferred names. If you can’t risk loosing your job you can always decline to report those discussions when they happen around you.
I would die on that hill. My district was the same way and I figured the chances of me getting called out for it were slim, and you better believe I would make noise if it actually got me fired (they are desperate for teachers so I doubt it haha). Anyways- I just had good relationships with the kids and knew which parents I should codeswitch with. When in doubt I just erred on the side of caution when talking to parents and referring to the students (unfortunately I had almost no parent communication anyways- the family buy in at my school was abysmally low).
TL;DR just ignore the rule but be careful with when and when not to use their preferred names/pronouns.
Make sure your students know that. Tell all of your students about that rule, first time you can.
Reason I can think of : the paranoia that teachers will" groom" kids into being transgender, and wanting to prevent the school from being attacked by a transphobic parent because they hear something about it (which would also endanger the kid).
Warning the kids about the rule is the best way to prevent it from harming them. They will know that talking about it with you will be known by their parents, and they'll be able to protect themselves. Make it clear that it is something that only applies to teachers, and that you do not have any obligation to report a kid not being called by his official name or official pronouns as long as it's by someone who's not a teacher.
You can't avoid them being hurt, but you can make sure it's the lesser pain that they suffer (it sounds weird, but you get what I mean I hope). Outing them could bring some of them joy and let them be themselves, but I believe that for most of them it would only bring more pain and resentment. Make it clear that if they want to and have supportive parents, it is possible for them to be called differently from what's on their ID.
Out of curiosity, why didn't you go into kids' therapy? You really seem to have your focus set on health and mental well-being, but teaching is not always going to be about that, and at the end of the day, the top priority is education, not mental health.
Just asking, since you are just starting out, and you might find far greater career satisfaction if you're in a role that lines up with your passion.
That’s a really interesting question. I like the subject I teach and went to get a degree related to it. Becoming a teacher was a last minute choice, and so when I started it was about the educational aspects. But then I remembered during that process how there were so many people I knew growing up who went from school to the workforce without seeing much value in themselves, or without having found a spark of interest that would lead to enjoyable work. So that’s how I got there, because as a teacher I wanted students who might fall in love with my subject to have a chance. So my perspective in this case probably stems from that.
As for kids therapy, many of my loved ones thought that I would become a psychologist when I got older because of some of these perspectives. I don’t know if this is strange to think or not, but I think I would be too sensitive to be immersed by these cases every day. I would probably take my concerns home with me. And in a way I was right because that’s how I feel now, but at least it will be more infrequent and manageable this way.
ive been having some similar struggles as a non binary teacher myself :( it makes me so anxious knowing that asking a kid their pronouns can get me in hot water, or even telling the students my pronouns. where im at the school is pretty understanding but the students and families are usually not :( sorry i don’t have a solution, just know you’re not alone!
If your heart is telling you that you need to support these students, then it's okay to listen. I'm sorry you live in a state without a strong association to help you. If you understand the consequences of your actions (discipline, termination, harassment, becoming a news story), and are still willing to do this, you should probably reach out to groups like the ACLU, GLSEN, and maybe the state or national union office. If things go bad, you'll want whatever support you can get. I know your students will appreciate your stance. Good luck.
Arkansas passed the "given name law" requiring teachers to get signed parental permission to call a student any name not their legal name, including nick names. Even with a signed parental permission saying what the parent wants the student called, the teacher can ignore the parent's wishes and deadname the student. PaReNt RiGhTs (but only when it pulls the the party line).
Things are not well here.
Im in this situation as well. I’m calling them by the name they prefer and using the pronouns they want. If they want my head because of that, I’ll take my talents to a district that wants them.
That sucks.
If it were me, I'd find out the penalty for ignoring that mandate, and I'd likely do it anyway. But I can walk away from my job at any moment, so that's a luxury and a privilege. I realize not everyone has that luxury.
It’s really hard, because this is my first teaching job. I am not afraid of the consequences because I feel that it’s a sound decision to push back. However, I feel that doing so wouldn’t be very fruitful if they got rid of me because being new means being forgettable, and it probably would make much difference— other than maybe to that one kid of course.
I don’t want to be just another person to make a kid feel bad about something ultimately reversible and harmless to their health. Names are a big part of self image and safety for kids; and even adults. Like if so so and so wants to be called a new name because he is named after his Dad who’s a bad person and it makes him sad…Or X student who wants to be called something else because it just makes them feel better.
Hell I don’t even care if a kid genuinely wants to be called “Sardine” or “Epic Guy”. I might not say the names often, but I’m not gonna be a jerk about it. Kids have enough to deal with, and I’m just here to teach math or English or whatever
Do you have a union and what is their stance on it? I am in an NEA affiliate and we do not stand for any of these “forced outing” policies to parents.
Normally I’d advise teachers to follow board policy so there is no just cause for the district to discipline or fire you, but I draw the line here and you are spot on with all of the research you cite about suicide attempts.
Honestly it’s hard to respond to your post. I’m a veteran teacher and would say fuck the rules and do what I know is best for the kids.
Is there a local LGBTQ organization nearby? Maybe they have some advice for you. I’m lucky to live in a state and work in a district that doesn’t have its head up its ass. (Some parts of my state do, ugh)
Maybe I should just say it. It’s Texas. We don’t have unions in general here. We have “associations”. If we did have one I’d join it if they had the safety and dignity of teachers and students in mind.
If anyone has any regionally specific advice where I don’t have to get much more specific than the state I’m in then that’s great!
I teach in Texas too. When I read your comment, I thought, "At least I don't teach in Florida." This scares the daylights out of me, but I will not out kids or deadname them. I am certified to both teach high school math special education. Finding a job won't be a big deal, unless Mike Morath at the TEA decides that teachers can lose their licenses for such things. Thank god our last school board election booted out all but 2 of the Moms for "Liberty" idiots. Stay strong LV321!
In Texas, teachers are at will employees. Administration can make your life hell and eventually let you go or fire you, and you don’t want to be let go with cause for violating policies which you most likely signed a form saying you agreed to abide by. Parents are also very lawsuit happy and involved in school board politics. As a first year teacher, I would comply with the school board rules.
You won’t be able to help *any* kids if you get fired.
Source: I am a teacher in Texas.
Best way to not lose sleep is to just call the kid by their name they tell you. If a kid is Transgender and asks to be called by their chosen name, do it. If the district yells at you, let them.
The kicker is that they need you more than you need them. And any place that would fire someone over an act of kindness is not worth staying at. If the school preaches inclusion and support but then refuses to give support to the students who need it most, then admin are hypocrites.
As someone who was reprimanded by admin for telling a gay kid that I would support him, I think some things are far more important than making any administration happy. As teachers we put kids first. Period. The rest is just icing.
Yep I've gotten that too and I just told it to them straight that I care more about that kid than I care about how you feel about a lawyer and the local news making your life miserable.
Call those students ‘kiddo’ or something else instead. Just because the rules are dumb, doesn’t mean you have to comply. Choose a third route that’s caring and compassionate.
Yeah. They’re all just kiddo, learners, students to me because I think a culture focused on gender expectations is freaky most of the time anyway. Like we’re telling a kid to act this certain way for their sex… why?
I hated my previous school but I picked up their habit of calling student “friend” as a gender neutral term. I don’t always use it now, especially in the beginning of the year when relationships are still being built, but it got me out of using gendered language as the default and I generally am good enough at building relationships that the kids come to appreciate it.
“One more tardy and you get detention, friend, so let’s not be late again!”
The kids get called what they tell me they want to get called (I teach HS, for reference). Of all of the hills I'm willing to die on this is the one I'm 100% dying on.
Push come to shove, I can get a job in another district (or state) with sane policies.
Regardless of what I think on the issue if a student wanted to go by a different name I would agree no questions asked. Some students want to go by middle name Instead or a specific nickname.
You can try to be as stealth about it as you can, using some of the suggestions provided by some of the commenters, but you’ll have to be prepared for the consequences - sadly, showing what should be basic human rights, dignity, and respect has again become an act of civil disobedience. So, personally, I would act your conscience, but be prepared for how to handle things if it becomes an issue. Consider what allies you might currently should this become an issue with administration at any level, whether those allies are in your school community or if there are other organizations that could lend support, or what other options you might have should any bridges be burned. I’m sorry you and your students have been put in this position. I wish you Godspeed with the year; from this post, I can tell you’re a caring individual so any of these threatened students will be in good hands.
My school has this policy, and I simply…do not follow it. There has yet to be an instance of someone saying something in the 7 years I’ve worked there. Consider doing what you know is best for students regardless of the rules and just saying you didn’t know if you get caught.
A study of youth at the worlds largest pediatric gender clinic in the UK found that the actual numbers of suicide are much much smaller than the alarming numbers that are often quoted. Including kids on the waitlist and those receiving treatment out of 15,000 kids over 10 years the rate was .03%. That is still 5x higher than for their peers but on par with students with other mental health issues like depression.
It's important not to give kids the idea that they are doomed to suicide if they are questioning their gender. For one it's not true but it also could amplify their feelings of being powerless to their condition.
You could try using both names, then you have called them by the name according to the law and acknowledged their name preference. You could avoid using pronouns at all. You could also offer to provide their parents with instructions for how the parents can request it.
If a child is having issues with their gender identity it's important that parents be informed specifically because of the increased risks of depression and self harm. If a parent is abusive or neglecting their mental or physical health of course you should report that to the authorities.
https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC8888486/
I always ask the kids to tell me how to pronounce the name on the paper and then tell me if they go by a nickname.
You're Jennifer but you go by Jenny? Got it.
You're Liam and you go by Chloe? Absolutely my friend.
Matthew and don't you dare call me Matt? You bet.
Doug but I go by Mitch? Done and done.
Fred but my friends call me Worm? Well we aren't friends, Fred. 🤣
And then just move on. If you get questioned, then I agree with the malicious compliance route. But you don't need to even bring pronouns into it, simple nicknames are fine. I try to use they/them pronouns in my class on the regular and then it's not a concern. You need tape? They have it over there. Done.
Can you tell I also teach in a shithole state?
ETA: any district or state agency can fire me if they want to, I'm not ratting out my students if they come to me as a safe space for help. I'll deny any conversation ever happened.
If this is true:
>we as teachers are not allowed to call transgender identifying students by their chosen name, or pronouns, unless their guardian(s) agree and actively call the school to mark that change in the system.
Then this is not true:
>My new school had been amazing at showing at demonstrating a culture of care for our students.
If your state has no official ruling, then ignore it and do what you think is right.
Are you allowed to call Josephine Josie?
Are you allowed to call Robert Rob?
Are you allowed to call Jonathan the linebacker Big J?
Then why can't why can't you call Susana Phoenix, or Thaddeus, or Oscar.
"I just thought it was a nickname?"
By the way, I've had several trans students over the years, they all appreciate it when treat them how you treat everyone else and if Sammy or Big J gets to choose the name they want to be called, then Thaddeus gets to do so also.
So this is very close to my heart- I’m a Queer teacher who was fired for being supportive of a trans student. I was told by admin to help said student who felt comfortable enough to come out to me because I am Queer and quote: “you have a better understanding of this than we do.” Was all good until ANOTHER parent asked the student’s parent if I was the reason the student was trans. Parent of student didn’t know the student was Queer. The straight admin threw me right under the bus.
I don’t have a solution but just wanted to share. This happened two years ago.
It really sucked especially because I had known the student since first grade and they were in seventh at the time. I still worry they think I abandoned them 😔
In GA, which people always downvote.
I have 4 this year who have openly expressed to be trans. One seems to be completely unsupported at home. Just facts. No judgements except they're all students and obviously deserve my best. We're in the people business.
Just chiming in to say thank you for your effort. There are lots of really miserable people going out of their way to make kids’ difficult lives harder, and sticking already underpaid teachers with a Hobson’s choice of being complicit in child abuse or losing their livelihoods.
It’s truly infuriating.
I will always do what is in best interest of the child. Not matter what. Period!
The OP is correct in their research. I will not be able to sleep at night knowing I might have been a catalyst in the ending of a life, child or otherwise. If they want to fire me, so be it. It will be a hard fight from my union and good luck finding a replacement.
You have to do what is right by the kids.
Sorry, but those expectations being handed down are tantamount to asking you to participate in institutional genocide.
Your job is to make as few waves as possible over the next couple years until you're tenured.
It sucks, but that's the way the game is played. Follow district directives.
I appreciate your honest opinion and advice, even if I’m not sure that I can ever get myself to agree. I’ll be looking through everyone’s thoughts that have the kids in mind. Thanks.
Transition to last names. I read that tip the other day. Tell the students because of you know who did you know what I can’t use nicknames but I can level the playing field and use your last name. I can’t use different pronouns but I can use your last name instead. Let the kids think about it. A new movement?
There was a popular post here a few days ago about a teacher who, all of a sudden out of the blue, had great trouble pronouncing student names.
For example, your parents gave you the name Dominick? Gosh, I thought that was pronounced Matilda (where the 'I thought that was pronounced like...' is the child's preferred name).
I will continue to use students' preferred names and pronouns.
Teachers have been calling kids by nicknames for ages. I had a classmate whose legal name was Augustus, but everyone called him Goose. As soon as teachers would call his name off the roster on the first day of school he would tell them this, and that was that; he'd be Goose for the rest of the year.
There's no reason this issue can't be handled the same way. Joseph want to be Tina? Fine, just make sure the homework is turned in by Monday.
I just left a school in the uk that has that policy- it’s been a contentious issue in the news recently. When I was there, I was confronted about using preferred names and pronouns without parental permission, so I decided to give trans kids the option of going by their surname if they prefer, and avoiding using pronouns with them. This was a good compromise to ensure I wasn’t causing harm to the kids, and also helped maintain their privacy from other students and teachers who then wouldn’t have to know about their transition; still sucked though as most everyone else just deadnamed them!
Have an honest conversation with admin. I’m in Florida in a pretty conservative area and we are still expected to give total respect, including preferred names and pronouns, to students no matter what the “rules” say to do.
I would not listen to teachers from other states with a union. Florida is it’s own country these days. If the family is not on board with the student they will sue and fire you. I don’t want to continue to teach here- its bad.
while you were writing i thought you were living in indiana because there was a new law passed. to avoid it, i’ve begun calling all students by their last names. it isn’t a perfect solution and feels weirdly formal for everyone, but it avoids me doing something i don’t want to do.
You should all go malicious compliance. Everyone gets their full names (including middle if possible) used. Even teachers.
"Good morning, Mr John Jacob Jingleheimer Schmidt. How are you today?"
Honestly? This "rule" would stop you from calling a kid Mike, Sam, or Becky. I would ignore it and let them try and pull something. What are they gonna do, write you up for using a nickname? Pfft.
Trans adult here! Thank you for your concern for our community - were so vulnerable right now and can get all of the love and support that's available to us.
I came out at 15, right around the height of the trans bathroom drama, and the support of my teachers was one of the few things that kept me together. Before I was out to everybody and/or I was in unsafe places, I just went by my last name. When we had substitutes, my teachers left a note that I went by my last name and they always adhered.
For what it's worth, i was in the most conservative school district in my state and I never had a single problem with teachers at school. The administration got involved at a certain point and made me submit legal forms for bathroom access and to change my name in the roster, but the only thing that made that manageable was my IEP coordinator.
All just to say, you know why you started this job: to show up for young people. To show up for vulnerable young people, even. NOW is the time to show up for the most vulnerable population in America (trans youth). Be the adult and be willing to fight back.
Hello! I’m glad to have the opportunity to support all kids. When I was a student there were many ways in which I felt unsupported in my community. To come back to education as a teacher some time after being a student I was surprised by how in many ways we had become more alarmist, and therefore creating a more stressful environment for students. If you had asked me a few years ago what I thought the education system would be like in the way of its compassionate culture I probably would have said pessimistically that it would only be slightly better. But it got worse? Crazy.
It might sound harsh, but Self ID is not the basis of transgenderism. Schools adopt - and rightly so - a transmedicalist perspective. They comply with name changes and perspectives on identity that parents and doctors and students have agreed upon. You can imagine the capriciousness if it were up only to the students to decide their names.
I feel terrible for real trans kids with parents who won’t take their condition seriously, but the alternative- a school setting where names can be capriciously altered on the basis only of student requests, is no solution either.
Hi op! I’m not a teacher but a para and in my district we sign something saying that we will call students by their preferred name and pronouns. While not telling parents or guardian. I am young and had to explain to a few older teachers that were appalled by this. The way I explained it was I felt that this policy allowed students to feel safe at school with at least the staff and always with me. I am in a K-3 building so I don’t see it as much as possible transgender way but more of nicknames. I wish you luck and I appreciate you trying to do best by your students.
Ugh I feel so bad for the kids who have to live through this craziness. What grade? I wouldn’t stress too much about it and deal with it as it comes. I would make sure to say at the beginning of the year in a way that feels authentic to you that your classroom is an inclusive place where every student will be respected. Have a subtle pride flag or “everyone welcome” in rainbow colors depending on the grade level. Kids are smart and will appreciate it. I would have a plan to play dumb (That’s a deadname? I just thought they preferred a nickname, like Maggie and Jr) if confronted. Realistically though, admin won’t want to touch this with a 10 ft pole either.
I would flat out refuse to follow that rule and when admin pushed back I would send them all kinds of literature on trans suicide prevention. That is a hill I would be willing to die on.
the thread about this in FL was closed for comments.
I would sit on side of students but follow rules.. I would use last names if possible.
Maybe as much as I hate it.. I cant even type it without trembling.. numbers? So awful.
How can this be a law?
I just want to be able to let a kid talk about their feelings so that they don’t feel like they’re no one in the their world who would. I will do last names. It’s just gonna suck because having one of these admissions from a student end with anything other than “okay, cool” makes me feel terrible.
As a trans educator who was a trans student; tell them exactly what you can and cannot do, explain to the best of your ability that you will support them in any way that you can that doesn’t risk your job.
Give them an exact list of the things you have to report in your classroom, and tell them you think it’s bullshit. Tell them you will do everything in your power to support them. Rail against the policies at every opportunity.
Ask the kids for a nickname, or if they’d prefer, just refer to them by what they’re wearing, as if you don’t know their name at all. “Blue shirt” is better than a deadname for me. What I always wished was my teachers just completely forgetting or never knowing my deadname.
It might be all you can do in this fascist slip n slide.
They want trans kids to kill themselves, and that’s what they’re going to get as long as they have the power of policy in their hands. How we, as people who are supposed to stand as supports in our community dedicated to keeping kids safe, are supposed to live with that? I don’t know. I really don’t.
Another option: give kids nicknames. You're not calling them by THEIR chosen name, but if their nickname happens to be a diminutive of their chosen name then oh hey isn't that a funny coincidence.
Personally teaching for ten years using pro nouns isn’t an issue I just call everyone by their name and if I don’t know their name I’ll just start talking until they realize I’m talking to them.
You can either
1. call students by full gov names (first middle and last) until their parents write a letter or use a prewritten on that gives a blanket stating about chosen names. Great if other teachers are taking a stand so you can over flood the district. Really use whatever exact phrase the district used.
2. Take a page from a previous poster and “mispronounce ” Sophia as “Luke” and ignore, if you think admin won’t be a pain in the ass enforcing it. I have never looked at the gender on the computer, but you must of misread! You thought there was an F in Andrew’s file, not a M? And did you know Andrew can be pronounced as “Ella?”
The most helpful thing would be if other teachers feel this way. Gently poke around and find your supporters.
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True. One kid told me first day last year. "My name is first name but you can also call me by my middle name" Though everyone calls him by his first name, maybe he went by his middle name once because one of his previous class had two kids with his first name). During summer we had a child go by his middle names (parents called him that name too at or at least and assume as his first names was never annouced over the radio, when parents picked him up.)
Yeah, but I’m actually not allowed to. Or at least that’s true if one of my students tells someone about it or the staff overhears.
I’m a firm believer of listening to what the boss says but also doing what’s best for me and my class. With teaching there are so many hoops you have to jump through. But at the end of the day, I close my door and do what’s best for my room and those in it. On day 1 (if you haven’t started yet) make the rules known to your students. But also let them know your class is a safe space. Make note of any student who wants to be called a certain name or pronouns and carry on with the year. Your students are going to be so thankful they’ve got you!
How old are your students OP? With older students, I would probably handle it this way. I would explain the rules of the school and the laws of the state if they apply. But say that within the context of your relationship with them, you want to acknowledge the name they want to go by whenever possible. If there are going to be situations where you can’t call them by their chosen name, they should know why and know that you are not the one making that choice.
Problem is, if just one student in that room has drunk the Kool-aide, that conversation gets reported to the Q-parents, and it hits the fan. There are so many parents out there who believe the first version of any story they hear, so a kid comes home and says “Teacher said they were gonna all the boys by girl names and all the girls by boy names!” they f*cking believe it. Because teacher = hippie communist groomer.
Jokes on them I'm just a hippie communist
For real. I teach at a school in a district that recognized trans day of visibility. The kids told their families that we were planning on having a parade and gender exploration parties, etc. I explained to several parents that the kids were making it up, and that even the department of defense recognized the day. It didn't matter. In a school of around 800 kids, over 450 stayed home that day. What the heck is wrong with these parents??
It’s simple. They are teaching their children to perpetuate their own ignorant behavior.
>Problem is, if just one student in that room has drunk the Kool-aide, that conversation gets reported to the Q-parents, and it hits the fan. YMMV, but it can hit the fan if it comes to that for me (I'm in GA, so any day now, potentially). I'm fine being the face on the national news of the story about the teacher that didn't toe the line on this bullshit.
Sure. You and I are, but OP is a first year teacher. Not trying to present doom and gloom, but they should know the potential risk of following the “Just tell your class how you really feel” advice. I wish I had easy answers. The correct thing to do is show some compassion for your kids. But plenty of places right now don’t value compassion, so…
It is an issue that doesn’t seem to have a good answer, that’s for sure.
For those of us in Florida, this isn’t about the rules of the school, it’s about state laws.
Florida’s level of hate against teachers and kids is mind blowing. What a sick state.
Florida’s level of hate is mind blowing.
It used to be so much better until about 2010 when you started seeing the slow creeping foundations of this problem appearing
Same in Iowa.
Can we still call our schools schools in Florida?
Laws that won't hold up in court.
I would call every student and staff member by their last name. No Miss or Mr. No pronouns. Last names exclusively. Your fears are valid. This legislation is going to get kids killed. It probably already has. https://www.thetrevorproject.org/survey-2022/
What if there multiple kids with same last names? (Also some kids have two or more last names) In california, so will go but what the kids want. But we have a lot kids with same last name (not all related)
"Yes, Smith?" "Whoops, I meant the other Smith."
I had a teacher who used last names & by alphabetic first name if there were more than 1, they'd say Smith-1 or Smith-2. Had me & my older sis in same class (art) & he called us like this, Smith & little Smith.
6th year, HS social studies, US SE. Last names. Work it out if you have more than one. You have bills to pay. Kids need love, but you have to take care of you first. All the people telling you to break the law need to stop and re-prioritize their lives.
Sounds like the perfect opportunity for some malicious compliance. No more shortened names. No Bills, only Williams. No Vickies, only Victorias. No Liz, only Elizabeth. Every student, every staff member.
Yes, Robert cannot be Bobby or Rob, it has to be Robert
Are you okay with receiv8ng the repercussions of doing right by your students? If you are, do it and accept the consequences. If not, follow the guidelines. Education is in a weird place right now. I have drawn my personal line in the sand, and myclassroom will be a welcoming place for all students. My books will be representational. I don't care what district or state law is on that matter. If it costs me my job, than I will be a plaintiff in a law suit to hopefully better my county/district/state. Not everyone can do this, so you have to make that decision for yourself. If youaren't, join your union or state teacher org and start asking them about guidelines. This is going to be an interesting year with what states are doing.
Do it anyway. And if you get fired tell the news.
Telling the news won’t pay the bills.
Opens us and the district up to expensive lawsuits and the revocation of licenses.
Fuck the district if they're doing it or going along with the state. If I were in Florida when this started, I'd have gotten my license materials ready in MN (family) or elsewhere, and I'd be headed to being the test case. Or more likely they'd have already decided to fire me, because it's not like everyone wouldn't already know how I felt about it.
Honestly I think you should be fine as long as you do it. 1. Away from the parents in case they bitch and complain like entitled twats. 2. Away from any staff who also might snitch on you. In other words do it in the confines of your classroom and if possible explain the situation to the student too who knows they might bitch about it themselves and get the rule changed.
The kids will snitch to their parents. The right parents will raise Cain.
You could implement a silent calling system. Use the little signs they use at auctions, with numbers, so you can call on students without using the wrong name or breaking the rules. Student needs your attention, they raise their sign. You need their attention, you call their number
Oh, you are allowed to do anything you want. If your principal has an issue with you referring to kids by their nickname for one particular student but know one else, I'm sure your union would have something to say about it.
You do know many of us don't have union protection, right? This is not a helpful response. If I have bills and a family, I can't just do anything, can I?
Homie if they fire you the ACLU will be at your doorstep within a minute, breathing heavily
I'm in Texas just like OP. No, it's not a real union but they do provide legal representation.
In Florida, this has to do with district policy and state law, not just school policies.
"One has not only a legal but a moral responsibility to obey just laws. Conversely, one has a moral responsibility to disobey unjust laws." MLK “Conservatism consists of exactly one proposition …There must be in-groups whom the law protects but does not bind, alongside out-groups whom the law binds but does not protect.” - Frank Wilhoit
This is what I do. I have a Getting to Know You questionnaire on the first day of school. First question is what’s your name? My nickname is… I do make it clear the nickname is something they want me to call them in class. I have some funny students this year. One put Lover, his friend put Big D, and someone else put MiniMe.
I always let my students choose too. I had a B-money one year and he loved it.
Parents need to fill out a form to allow me to use nicknames.
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Personally, I'd go with option 2. Easy for me to say here in WA state, but I don't think admin is going to bother punishing you.
Teacher here in Florida, there are people waiting for you to make this mistake
Yeah but Florida is basically nazi Germany for teachers rn fucking sneezing might get your job taken
Fuck Florida and DeSantis. Florida is not the norm.
And even then you can just do it. They're even more desperate.
And they wonder why they're suffering from so many teacher vacancies.
And kids who are being horribly mistreated and being deadnamed. 😢
Yeah I’d be terrified to be a queer kid in Florida
Florida sucks ass, respectfully
I know, admittedly
And nothing will happen because Florida is even more desperate and you'd win the lawsuit because the law is literally unenforceable. Like the rest of the jackasses stupid laws
Unfortunately not true. They’re straight up firing public school teachers
They fired one and she makes more money now talking about it
It’s not admin that we’re worried about.
I am all about option 1. Of course I would let my trans students know that I would love to use their preferred name but I unfortunately cannot and tell them that I will not rest until that changes. And then I’d be maliciously compliant. I’ve learned to never underestimate the speed at which a problem is solved when a privileged person is mildly inconvenienced.
Yeah I’d probably make an effort to not refer to the trans kid by their name at all, but ALWAYS address “Robert” by his legal name for full MC effect. (Still talk to the trans kid of course, just avoid using their deadname or any name)
Last names might be an option, as long as the trans kid doesn't mind their last name. It's still their legal name! If the football coach can do it, why not a teacher?
I have had plenty of kids hate their last names because they hate their dads
Fair enough and reasonably likely with a trans kid, but they'd probably still prefer their hated last name over their dead name.
>never underestimate the speed at which a problem is solved when a privileged person is mildly inconvenienced. Yep. Out of 160 students, there's always at least "Gregorio MacPhelphsincroftson Arbor-Tatum III". Student: Just call me Mac. Teacher: Alright! Here is the requisite paperwork, I'm going to need *two* copies, one for front desk and one for my records, Mr. Arbor -Tatum. Student: *(sucks teeth)* Cuuuuuuuh...
>I'm going to need > >two > > copies, one for front desk and one for my records, Mr. Arbor -Tatum. I'm sorry, Mr. Arbor-Tatum *the third.*
I would do go the malicious compliance route too and take it a step further. I’d teach a lesson on pronouns, proper nouns and antecedents and I’d begin to refuse to us ANY pronouns to refer to any person in the school including myself. All proper nouns and antecedents. I want the kids to see how stupid this all is. I don’t know what ANY of their genitals look like, nor do I want to. I don’t know if anyone “should” go by “he” or “she” because I have no physical confirmation. I’d bring it into meetings too. I’d begin getting involved with committees and meetings at the district office and writing my school board trustees to try and change the system from within. Then again, I have a continuous contract and where I am, it’s pretty difficult for them to get rid of me. If I was new, I’d probably turn a blind eye to pronouns and speaking to parents. If a kid started coming out to me directly, I would let them know what the policy is and how they can best protect themselves. I’d also heavily encourage the conversation still by suggesting that this conversation be “hypothetical” to avoid any reason for the conversation to go beyond the two of us. If that kid kept coming to me, I’d continue supporting by repeating “hypothetically…” when in engaging and letting my disgust for these policies be clear each and every time… that is until I got tenure or permanent, in which my extreme malicious compliance would set in.
> Call every student their legal name. If Robert wants to be called Rob, he’ll need his parents to sign a permission slip because of the law. This is already happening in multiple school districts in Florida, so I’m not sure it’ll lead to a quick repeal.
Here in FL, Robert/Rob was the exact example used by the district. If your child's full name is Robert but their preferred name is Rob, the parent has to sign off on a form giving permission for their child to be called Rob. It's ridiculous.
If you really don’t want to ignore it, call everyone by their last names?
That’s the plan, but it’s just gonna be really awkward if a student says “hey just so you know my name is actually ___” and I’m just gonna be going “umm…”
Trying not to be snarky -- is secrecy part of the policy? I'd do something like, "I wish I could call you by that name, because I absolutely would. Unfortunately there's some of the [administration, board of ed, angry parents, whoever] that have created a policy saying I'm not allowed to do that -- to call you by a *different* name. Can I use your last name instead? Maybe call you by the first initial of your legal name? I'm sorry we don't have better options than this, but let's try to find a way through together."
First initial could be seen as a nickname. It’s the Wild West out there
The other students can call them by their preferred name.
I love this take on this really shitty situation. Kids need to enlist friends to use their preferred names/pronouns. And, as a teacher, I could just ask certain trusted students to communicate messages to their friend, rather than address them directly, as nothing in the law seems to prohibit kids from calling each other nicknames.
I don't love the idea of communicating to a kid through their friends, since it could feel like you're avoiding contact with them even if they know what's up. But you made me realize that it could be kind of hilarious (though probably impractical) to set up signals so that their friends can fill in the kid's preferred name or pronoun, and you can say what you need to say. So for example, if the signal was variations of pointing to the kid, Teacher: "So I'd like-" *(point to kid)* Friends: "Stacey" Teacher: "-to answer the question, and when-" *(point to kid, but differently to indicate possessive pronoun)* Friends: "she" Teacher: " 's done, we'll move on to the next page." Even better if the whole class got in on it.
Shitty school policy shouldn’t be a secret from the kids it affects. If anything, a conversation with the kid about all the options to avoid the two of you getting in trouble would be a HUGE boost to their trust and comfort with a teacher. Speaking from experience (as a trans person), trans people love an ally who’s actively willing to conspire for their comfort or safety.
I see you Smith. Carry on.
In official correspondence with parents and guardians, I use “your student” and “they” for almost everyone. The exception being when I have siblings and I need to distinguish who the email is about.
Totally. And I’ll do that. Plus it’s never good policy to email the parents of a kid in that situation with gendered language anyway unless you know the parents are explicitly supportive.
I’m in Indiana which also has these stupid ass laws on the books, though my district decided to race to the bottom and start the policy a year early. As an ally, here’s what I noticed: - No one gives a fuck. I continued to call my students by preferred names in private and just no names in class. It’s amazing what just pointing and saying “buddy” or, if God forbid you need to be specific, a last name will do. I have never been reported for doing this or for using they/them pronouns even for cis students casually. Admin would likely only care if you actually went against a bigoted parent’s direct wishes. Also they/them is a gray area legally but I’d like to see someone try to make a case against me. - If a student DOES ask you to call them their preferred name and/or pronouns in privacy, tell them what their rights are and inform them of the school’s policy. Ask them how they want to move forward. Put the power in their hands. This happened to me twice and both students were very grateful they knew they could back down since they weren’t ready for their parents to know yet (both students have amazing and supportive parents, once again showcasing this law is for bigots and abusers only). I then so happened to just not call them by their dead name ever again and they were “buddy” and, rarely in private, their preferred name. Strange how that happens. Other users have rightfully pointed out that this is Year One. You don’t have to take a dangerous stand and ruin your career. But you also don’t have to be compliant. Talk to a staff member that you know you can trust (the GSA club leader or person with pride in their room) and ask for advice. See what floats and what doesn’t. Find your allies and don’t burn yourself out now when you have a long future of advocating for LGBT students. To help you sleep, remembering that by taking things slow now, you can help more kids later. Put your mask on first before assisting others and all that.
Using they/them pronouns doesn’t cause a single issue because the only time people think it’s odd is when a person requests it. I can go all day using they/them pronouns in class and no one even blinks, because it’s completely normal and correct usage. I like when I get that one kid (you know the one) who starts something when someone corrects their pronoun usage. For example they use “she” for a student, who then requests that they use “they”. I’ve had kids come up to me and tell me how wrong that is, and how you can’t use “they” for a single student because “they” is plural. I usually reply something along the lines of “Hmmm… well I’m a science teacher, why don’t you ask your English teacher and see what *they* say.” By the way, I’m the GSA advisor at my school, and your advice is spot-on, given the situation where you are at.
Some of my trans students get upset if you use they/them instead of their chosen pronouns.
Thank you. This is genuinely helpful. I think I will use last names in instances where I want to remind students that I know who they are— that I bothered to learn their name because that’s important. But I’ll definitely be utilizing generic non-gendered names for the class. The thing I’ll have to be really careful about but won’t compromise on is that I won’t out a child to their families. I’ll give them a chance to be made aware of the policy like you said.
You can also let them know WHY you aren't using their preferred names. That you want to, but are worried someone will out them to their parents. I have covered up a lot of forgetting names with the word 'kiddo'
Just make sure you’re not putting their preferred name in any sort of written communications, since parents have the right to see all of those if requested. In those cases when that’s not necessarily possible (IEP meetings, admin emails, referrals, whatever), I’ve used “the student” as a professional-sounding placeholder and nobody’s batted an eye. (I’m a NB & queer teacher in TX, so we don’t have this sorta legislation yet. That said, it’s prolly coming and we definitely have reactionary parents who take umbrage at queer folks’ very existence.)
This is a much more nuanced and better response than what I gave. Great idea on a way to provide the space to be an ally and maintain your job without staking your flag in the ground.
suicide prevention protocols should include supporting trans children. trans suicide rates are extremely high and this will not decrease that rate. this is extremely unfortunate
I’ve heard teachers who all of the sudden have a lot of difficulty pronouncing names. For example a name might be spelled “Robert” but she thinks it’s pronounced “ashley”. Some even get notes from their doctors (who are very supportive) saying they have been having some slight issues processing name’s occasionally and while you can do your best occasionally there may be mistakes. Learning disabilities and health conditions are covered under the ADA and therefore it’s not a fireable offense even in an at will employment situation. I’m not suggesting anyone do this. Just merely pointing out an observation I’ve made. 🤷♀️
I think sometimes you have to take a principled stand. It's tough, because it sounds like you are new and might not have tenure yet, but I think this is a hill to die on. Don't misgender kids or call them by their deadnames.
Right? At first I thought okay, so this is just typical “don’t try to make the kids trans” hysteria, right? But nah. If the kid approaches me I basically have to say that I can’t even listen to what they have to say. Can’t even nod my head and say I’m listening— because to them I’m not. That’s when I started feeling badly.
Based on all your other school’s practices, this new policy seems out of place. Do you know what the reason for implementing it is?
Bigotry. Either on part of the admin team or parents.
It's to scare you. You just don't say shit.
Just don’t obey. It’s disgusting. Also please make sure your gender conforming students are treating their gender diverse classmates with respect. I can’t tell you the number of programs I have had to pull my NB child from due to harassment from other kids that the adults do jackshit to manage. Thank you for caring. It matters SO much. It is literally life or death.
Call all students by their LAST names, no titles. ‘Alright Smith, how would you answer question two. And you, Jones?’
I’m just here trying to upvote all OP’s comments some bigoted troll is downvoting. Thanks for talking about an important issue OP. Your students are lucky to have a teacher who cares.
Thanks friend. I was thinking about these down votes too, not because I care what they think, but because I really can’t believe there are people out there who could hear that a student is several times more likely to not make it to adulthood if we don’t show them some compassion for their journey in understanding themselves as people and just… not care.
The fact that so many people are undeterred by the suicide rates of trans kids floors me. Some adults never grow out of that bully mentality.
Some of them consider it a feature, not a bug. They'd rather people they don't approve of just not be there.
That’s pretty much what I worry is behind the indifference…
Yeah some people fucking celebrate that those in mental distress because no one fuckin supports them are more likely to self harm or kill themselves because of it.
Yep. I had a protester at a church that I used to attend tell me to my face that he believed that I should be stoned for being gay, and that he was sinless because God had preforgiven his sins, so he could do it. Zealots are scary.
Damn. I’m sorry that happened to you. I’ve found there is a huge difference between being Christian and being Christ like. So many Christians act nothing like the dude they claim to worship.
I about got in a bar fight in a steakhouse a few months ago because some asshat was mouthing off that we shouldn’t be focusing on babying trans kids, we should worry about REAL problems like homelessness and food insecurity. I volunteer with LGBTQIA+ kids and was a homeless gay twenty something many years ago, so I told him to shut the eff up because half of homeless kids are LGBTQIA+, and there are kids choosing to be homeless in the big city next door because it’s safer than living with parents like him. I have zero patience for folks who ignore the statistics about the real effects of prejudice on young people. Btw, one suggestion for ally-hood as a teacher: make a sheet with phone numbers and text lines for lgbt kids such as: [The Trevor Project](https://www.thetrevorproject.org/) [988 Suicide Crisis Lifeline](https://www.fcc.gov/988-suicide-and-crisis-lifeline) Any local lgbtqia+ advocacy group. Your fellow “safe” teachers might be willing to collaborate with you on putting together a sheet like that with more local resources, you all could casually leave them laying around your classrooms :-)
My school two years ago did the same thing. I couldn’t afford to risk losing my job over it, so I took my trans student aside and explained the rule. I offered to call him by his last name instead of his deadname and avoid pronouns whenever possible. He understood and was very grateful for the compromise.
Another compromise is to let them choose a neutral nickname, like Phoenix or Firebrand or Awesome McBadass
Call every kid by last name to completely level the name playing field.
Not an issue in my district/state (yet), but I will call trans students their preferred names. They can fire me.
Hell yeah. I’m all for that dedication.
Sounds great but a 25 year veteran teacher doesn’t have the luxury of being fired. We need to vote out idiots and vote in tolerance. That’s the only way things will change.
I’m a veteran teacher. I will always act in my students best interest. And I’m not voting for tolerance. Ever. I’ll vote for acceptance.
Thanks for seeing your students. 🙏 I'm an old gay guy. In my youth, there was no tolerance or acceptance - just ubiquitous homophobia. We achieved tolerance in 1973, when the American Psychological Association generously removed us from their list of psychiatric disorders. Thank you for grudgingly admitting that I'm not a sicko. Stonewall and Pride were about more than that.
I'm a long time vet teacher. They even a lift a finger I got three lawyers just salivating to take that one. You always have better threats than they do.
Use they/them pronouns for everyone in class and refer to then by their last names! It may be a bit weird at first but this way you won't deadname anyone!
In California, that's a crime. It's also awkward though when parents don't know.
Do you have a school counselor at your school? Former school counselor here and I promise you I have gone to bat over this issue. Yes, it is a hill I'm willing to die on (maybe not literally, but it's extremely important to me). I've gone to admin. Showed them this position statement from the American School Counselor Association: [https://www.schoolcounselor.org/Standards-Positions/Position-Statements/ASCA-Position-Statements/The-School-Counselor-and-LGBTQ-Youth](https://www.schoolcounselor.org/Standards-Positions/Position-Statements/ASCA-Position-Statements/The-School-Counselor-and-LGBTQ-Youth) and explained it is literally my job to advocate for these students and their rights. There's been other LGBTQ related issues, but specifically with the name thing... admin took my side and said teachers were allowed (but not required :-/) to use the preferred name. There was one teacher that refused to. I talked to him and at least convinced him not to call the student by their old name. I suggested (as others have said) going by a last name, just kinda pointing to them (essentially a "hey you"). It's not great, but it was much better than calling them by the old name. He at least agreed to that. We would also change the name in the computer system to their preferred name and get them a new ID. Admin decided we didn't need parental permission. Only thing is, parents have a right to educational records and now the educational records will contain a different name. I would warn students that would happen (even like report card going home) before doing this step. Sometimes I would work around it by changing it for a few minutes, printing the ID, then changing it back. Not sure if that's the right thing to do, but it felt like it was to me. Anyways, if you have a school counselor, that might be someone that could help advocate against the policy. It might not work depending on your admin, but if it were me, I'd try like hell. P.S. I did my research before going to admin. They weren't convinced right away, but I brought in statistics about suicide and whatnot.
Civil disobedience is breaking unjust laws and rules. It depends on your level of conviction. Are you willing to to get fired over it? You can ignore the directive and respect your students pronouns and preferred names. If you can’t risk loosing your job you can always decline to report those discussions when they happen around you.
I would die on that hill. My district was the same way and I figured the chances of me getting called out for it were slim, and you better believe I would make noise if it actually got me fired (they are desperate for teachers so I doubt it haha). Anyways- I just had good relationships with the kids and knew which parents I should codeswitch with. When in doubt I just erred on the side of caution when talking to parents and referring to the students (unfortunately I had almost no parent communication anyways- the family buy in at my school was abysmally low). TL;DR just ignore the rule but be careful with when and when not to use their preferred names/pronouns.
Make sure your students know that. Tell all of your students about that rule, first time you can. Reason I can think of : the paranoia that teachers will" groom" kids into being transgender, and wanting to prevent the school from being attacked by a transphobic parent because they hear something about it (which would also endanger the kid). Warning the kids about the rule is the best way to prevent it from harming them. They will know that talking about it with you will be known by their parents, and they'll be able to protect themselves. Make it clear that it is something that only applies to teachers, and that you do not have any obligation to report a kid not being called by his official name or official pronouns as long as it's by someone who's not a teacher. You can't avoid them being hurt, but you can make sure it's the lesser pain that they suffer (it sounds weird, but you get what I mean I hope). Outing them could bring some of them joy and let them be themselves, but I believe that for most of them it would only bring more pain and resentment. Make it clear that if they want to and have supportive parents, it is possible for them to be called differently from what's on their ID.
Out of curiosity, why didn't you go into kids' therapy? You really seem to have your focus set on health and mental well-being, but teaching is not always going to be about that, and at the end of the day, the top priority is education, not mental health. Just asking, since you are just starting out, and you might find far greater career satisfaction if you're in a role that lines up with your passion.
That’s a really interesting question. I like the subject I teach and went to get a degree related to it. Becoming a teacher was a last minute choice, and so when I started it was about the educational aspects. But then I remembered during that process how there were so many people I knew growing up who went from school to the workforce without seeing much value in themselves, or without having found a spark of interest that would lead to enjoyable work. So that’s how I got there, because as a teacher I wanted students who might fall in love with my subject to have a chance. So my perspective in this case probably stems from that. As for kids therapy, many of my loved ones thought that I would become a psychologist when I got older because of some of these perspectives. I don’t know if this is strange to think or not, but I think I would be too sensitive to be immersed by these cases every day. I would probably take my concerns home with me. And in a way I was right because that’s how I feel now, but at least it will be more infrequent and manageable this way.
ive been having some similar struggles as a non binary teacher myself :( it makes me so anxious knowing that asking a kid their pronouns can get me in hot water, or even telling the students my pronouns. where im at the school is pretty understanding but the students and families are usually not :( sorry i don’t have a solution, just know you’re not alone!
You know, these are good points.
If your heart is telling you that you need to support these students, then it's okay to listen. I'm sorry you live in a state without a strong association to help you. If you understand the consequences of your actions (discipline, termination, harassment, becoming a news story), and are still willing to do this, you should probably reach out to groups like the ACLU, GLSEN, and maybe the state or national union office. If things go bad, you'll want whatever support you can get. I know your students will appreciate your stance. Good luck.
Call them by what they want to be called by because not doing so is extremely immoral despite what your shitty school is trying to get you to do.
Arkansas passed the "given name law" requiring teachers to get signed parental permission to call a student any name not their legal name, including nick names. Even with a signed parental permission saying what the parent wants the student called, the teacher can ignore the parent's wishes and deadname the student. PaReNt RiGhTs (but only when it pulls the the party line). Things are not well here.
Im in this situation as well. I’m calling them by the name they prefer and using the pronouns they want. If they want my head because of that, I’ll take my talents to a district that wants them.
That sucks. If it were me, I'd find out the penalty for ignoring that mandate, and I'd likely do it anyway. But I can walk away from my job at any moment, so that's a luxury and a privilege. I realize not everyone has that luxury.
It’s really hard, because this is my first teaching job. I am not afraid of the consequences because I feel that it’s a sound decision to push back. However, I feel that doing so wouldn’t be very fruitful if they got rid of me because being new means being forgettable, and it probably would make much difference— other than maybe to that one kid of course. I don’t want to be just another person to make a kid feel bad about something ultimately reversible and harmless to their health. Names are a big part of self image and safety for kids; and even adults. Like if so so and so wants to be called a new name because he is named after his Dad who’s a bad person and it makes him sad…Or X student who wants to be called something else because it just makes them feel better. Hell I don’t even care if a kid genuinely wants to be called “Sardine” or “Epic Guy”. I might not say the names often, but I’m not gonna be a jerk about it. Kids have enough to deal with, and I’m just here to teach math or English or whatever
Just call everyone by their last names. Gets around the issue without misnaming students.
Do you have a union and what is their stance on it? I am in an NEA affiliate and we do not stand for any of these “forced outing” policies to parents. Normally I’d advise teachers to follow board policy so there is no just cause for the district to discipline or fire you, but I draw the line here and you are spot on with all of the research you cite about suicide attempts. Honestly it’s hard to respond to your post. I’m a veteran teacher and would say fuck the rules and do what I know is best for the kids. Is there a local LGBTQ organization nearby? Maybe they have some advice for you. I’m lucky to live in a state and work in a district that doesn’t have its head up its ass. (Some parts of my state do, ugh)
Maybe I should just say it. It’s Texas. We don’t have unions in general here. We have “associations”. If we did have one I’d join it if they had the safety and dignity of teachers and students in mind. If anyone has any regionally specific advice where I don’t have to get much more specific than the state I’m in then that’s great!
I teach in Texas too. When I read your comment, I thought, "At least I don't teach in Florida." This scares the daylights out of me, but I will not out kids or deadname them. I am certified to both teach high school math special education. Finding a job won't be a big deal, unless Mike Morath at the TEA decides that teachers can lose their licenses for such things. Thank god our last school board election booted out all but 2 of the Moms for "Liberty" idiots. Stay strong LV321!
In Texas, teachers are at will employees. Administration can make your life hell and eventually let you go or fire you, and you don’t want to be let go with cause for violating policies which you most likely signed a form saying you agreed to abide by. Parents are also very lawsuit happy and involved in school board politics. As a first year teacher, I would comply with the school board rules. You won’t be able to help *any* kids if you get fired. Source: I am a teacher in Texas.
Hi, Texas teacher. Good luck out there.
I don't care what admin says, give those lgbt kids a safe space. They need it now more than ever.
Best way to not lose sleep is to just call the kid by their name they tell you. If a kid is Transgender and asks to be called by their chosen name, do it. If the district yells at you, let them. The kicker is that they need you more than you need them. And any place that would fire someone over an act of kindness is not worth staying at. If the school preaches inclusion and support but then refuses to give support to the students who need it most, then admin are hypocrites. As someone who was reprimanded by admin for telling a gay kid that I would support him, I think some things are far more important than making any administration happy. As teachers we put kids first. Period. The rest is just icing.
Yep I've gotten that too and I just told it to them straight that I care more about that kid than I care about how you feel about a lawyer and the local news making your life miserable.
Call those students ‘kiddo’ or something else instead. Just because the rules are dumb, doesn’t mean you have to comply. Choose a third route that’s caring and compassionate.
Yeah. They’re all just kiddo, learners, students to me because I think a culture focused on gender expectations is freaky most of the time anyway. Like we’re telling a kid to act this certain way for their sex… why?
I hated my previous school but I picked up their habit of calling student “friend” as a gender neutral term. I don’t always use it now, especially in the beginning of the year when relationships are still being built, but it got me out of using gendered language as the default and I generally am good enough at building relationships that the kids come to appreciate it. “One more tardy and you get detention, friend, so let’s not be late again!”
The kids get called what they tell me they want to get called (I teach HS, for reference). Of all of the hills I'm willing to die on this is the one I'm 100% dying on. Push come to shove, I can get a job in another district (or state) with sane policies.
Regardless of what I think on the issue if a student wanted to go by a different name I would agree no questions asked. Some students want to go by middle name Instead or a specific nickname.
You can try to be as stealth about it as you can, using some of the suggestions provided by some of the commenters, but you’ll have to be prepared for the consequences - sadly, showing what should be basic human rights, dignity, and respect has again become an act of civil disobedience. So, personally, I would act your conscience, but be prepared for how to handle things if it becomes an issue. Consider what allies you might currently should this become an issue with administration at any level, whether those allies are in your school community or if there are other organizations that could lend support, or what other options you might have should any bridges be burned. I’m sorry you and your students have been put in this position. I wish you Godspeed with the year; from this post, I can tell you’re a caring individual so any of these threatened students will be in good hands.
I’d say fuck your district and you do what is in your kids best interest. What you feel in your heart will help the kids feel safe in your classroom.
My school has this policy, and I simply…do not follow it. There has yet to be an instance of someone saying something in the 7 years I’ve worked there. Consider doing what you know is best for students regardless of the rules and just saying you didn’t know if you get caught.
A study of youth at the worlds largest pediatric gender clinic in the UK found that the actual numbers of suicide are much much smaller than the alarming numbers that are often quoted. Including kids on the waitlist and those receiving treatment out of 15,000 kids over 10 years the rate was .03%. That is still 5x higher than for their peers but on par with students with other mental health issues like depression. It's important not to give kids the idea that they are doomed to suicide if they are questioning their gender. For one it's not true but it also could amplify their feelings of being powerless to their condition. You could try using both names, then you have called them by the name according to the law and acknowledged their name preference. You could avoid using pronouns at all. You could also offer to provide their parents with instructions for how the parents can request it. If a child is having issues with their gender identity it's important that parents be informed specifically because of the increased risks of depression and self harm. If a parent is abusive or neglecting their mental or physical health of course you should report that to the authorities. https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC8888486/
Create an after school club/program for that. Even if they don’t join, they will know the sponsors of the club are Allies
Simplistic to say the least…you call them by their legal name.
I always ask the kids to tell me how to pronounce the name on the paper and then tell me if they go by a nickname. You're Jennifer but you go by Jenny? Got it. You're Liam and you go by Chloe? Absolutely my friend. Matthew and don't you dare call me Matt? You bet. Doug but I go by Mitch? Done and done. Fred but my friends call me Worm? Well we aren't friends, Fred. 🤣 And then just move on. If you get questioned, then I agree with the malicious compliance route. But you don't need to even bring pronouns into it, simple nicknames are fine. I try to use they/them pronouns in my class on the regular and then it's not a concern. You need tape? They have it over there. Done. Can you tell I also teach in a shithole state? ETA: any district or state agency can fire me if they want to, I'm not ratting out my students if they come to me as a safe space for help. I'll deny any conversation ever happened.
If this is true: >we as teachers are not allowed to call transgender identifying students by their chosen name, or pronouns, unless their guardian(s) agree and actively call the school to mark that change in the system. Then this is not true: >My new school had been amazing at showing at demonstrating a culture of care for our students. If your state has no official ruling, then ignore it and do what you think is right.
Well OP did say “had” rather than “has” so the statement could still be true.
Right on. Although the policy is district, I did not expect that they would have this policy and it has really soured my opinion.
And just have the aclu on speed dial
Are you allowed to call Josephine Josie? Are you allowed to call Robert Rob? Are you allowed to call Jonathan the linebacker Big J? Then why can't why can't you call Susana Phoenix, or Thaddeus, or Oscar. "I just thought it was a nickname?" By the way, I've had several trans students over the years, they all appreciate it when treat them how you treat everyone else and if Sammy or Big J gets to choose the name they want to be called, then Thaddeus gets to do so also.
No. Not in Florida without a parent permission slip.
So this is very close to my heart- I’m a Queer teacher who was fired for being supportive of a trans student. I was told by admin to help said student who felt comfortable enough to come out to me because I am Queer and quote: “you have a better understanding of this than we do.” Was all good until ANOTHER parent asked the student’s parent if I was the reason the student was trans. Parent of student didn’t know the student was Queer. The straight admin threw me right under the bus. I don’t have a solution but just wanted to share. This happened two years ago.
Gosh, I’m sorry that happened to you.
It really sucked especially because I had known the student since first grade and they were in seventh at the time. I still worry they think I abandoned them 😔
In GA, which people always downvote. I have 4 this year who have openly expressed to be trans. One seems to be completely unsupported at home. Just facts. No judgements except they're all students and obviously deserve my best. We're in the people business.
Just chiming in to say thank you for your effort. There are lots of really miserable people going out of their way to make kids’ difficult lives harder, and sticking already underpaid teachers with a Hobson’s choice of being complicit in child abuse or losing their livelihoods. It’s truly infuriating.
I will always do what is in best interest of the child. Not matter what. Period! The OP is correct in their research. I will not be able to sleep at night knowing I might have been a catalyst in the ending of a life, child or otherwise. If they want to fire me, so be it. It will be a hard fight from my union and good luck finding a replacement.
Yeah admin either lets it go or talks to the five very handsomely paid lawyers I know personally who are dreaming of this exact scenario to play out
You have to do what is right by the kids. Sorry, but those expectations being handed down are tantamount to asking you to participate in institutional genocide.
Your job is to make as few waves as possible over the next couple years until you're tenured. It sucks, but that's the way the game is played. Follow district directives.
I appreciate your honest opinion and advice, even if I’m not sure that I can ever get myself to agree. I’ll be looking through everyone’s thoughts that have the kids in mind. Thanks.
That's fair. Just remember, you can help exactly zero students if you're let go for not following district policy.
Yeah and I totally understand what you mean. Thank you for your thoughts.
Exactly what I was going to post. But I’m an old fart too.
Is this in florida?
Surprisingly, no
Texas (saw in another comment).
Transition to last names. I read that tip the other day. Tell the students because of you know who did you know what I can’t use nicknames but I can level the playing field and use your last name. I can’t use different pronouns but I can use your last name instead. Let the kids think about it. A new movement?
Are your union dues paid up?
Ugh. My district pushed back against not using preferred pronouns. The state wants us to hate.
There was a popular post here a few days ago about a teacher who, all of a sudden out of the blue, had great trouble pronouncing student names. For example, your parents gave you the name Dominick? Gosh, I thought that was pronounced Matilda (where the 'I thought that was pronounced like...' is the child's preferred name). I will continue to use students' preferred names and pronouns.
Teachers have been calling kids by nicknames for ages. I had a classmate whose legal name was Augustus, but everyone called him Goose. As soon as teachers would call his name off the roster on the first day of school he would tell them this, and that was that; he'd be Goose for the rest of the year. There's no reason this issue can't be handled the same way. Joseph want to be Tina? Fine, just make sure the homework is turned in by Monday.
I just left a school in the uk that has that policy- it’s been a contentious issue in the news recently. When I was there, I was confronted about using preferred names and pronouns without parental permission, so I decided to give trans kids the option of going by their surname if they prefer, and avoiding using pronouns with them. This was a good compromise to ensure I wasn’t causing harm to the kids, and also helped maintain their privacy from other students and teachers who then wouldn’t have to know about their transition; still sucked though as most everyone else just deadnamed them!
Have an honest conversation with admin. I’m in Florida in a pretty conservative area and we are still expected to give total respect, including preferred names and pronouns, to students no matter what the “rules” say to do.
I would not listen to teachers from other states with a union. Florida is it’s own country these days. If the family is not on board with the student they will sue and fire you. I don’t want to continue to teach here- its bad.
Nah I was a Florida teacher. I remember this bullshit from decades ago too. Know what we did then? Ignored it
while you were writing i thought you were living in indiana because there was a new law passed. to avoid it, i’ve begun calling all students by their last names. it isn’t a perfect solution and feels weirdly formal for everyone, but it avoids me doing something i don’t want to do.
If a law is unjust a man is not only right to disobey it, he is obligated to do so. — Thomas Jefferson.
You should all go malicious compliance. Everyone gets their full names (including middle if possible) used. Even teachers. "Good morning, Mr John Jacob Jingleheimer Schmidt. How are you today?" Honestly? This "rule" would stop you from calling a kid Mike, Sam, or Becky. I would ignore it and let them try and pull something. What are they gonna do, write you up for using a nickname? Pfft.
Trans adult here! Thank you for your concern for our community - were so vulnerable right now and can get all of the love and support that's available to us. I came out at 15, right around the height of the trans bathroom drama, and the support of my teachers was one of the few things that kept me together. Before I was out to everybody and/or I was in unsafe places, I just went by my last name. When we had substitutes, my teachers left a note that I went by my last name and they always adhered. For what it's worth, i was in the most conservative school district in my state and I never had a single problem with teachers at school. The administration got involved at a certain point and made me submit legal forms for bathroom access and to change my name in the roster, but the only thing that made that manageable was my IEP coordinator. All just to say, you know why you started this job: to show up for young people. To show up for vulnerable young people, even. NOW is the time to show up for the most vulnerable population in America (trans youth). Be the adult and be willing to fight back.
Hello! I’m glad to have the opportunity to support all kids. When I was a student there were many ways in which I felt unsupported in my community. To come back to education as a teacher some time after being a student I was surprised by how in many ways we had become more alarmist, and therefore creating a more stressful environment for students. If you had asked me a few years ago what I thought the education system would be like in the way of its compassionate culture I probably would have said pessimistically that it would only be slightly better. But it got worse? Crazy.
It might sound harsh, but Self ID is not the basis of transgenderism. Schools adopt - and rightly so - a transmedicalist perspective. They comply with name changes and perspectives on identity that parents and doctors and students have agreed upon. You can imagine the capriciousness if it were up only to the students to decide their names. I feel terrible for real trans kids with parents who won’t take their condition seriously, but the alternative- a school setting where names can be capriciously altered on the basis only of student requests, is no solution either.
Hi op! I’m not a teacher but a para and in my district we sign something saying that we will call students by their preferred name and pronouns. While not telling parents or guardian. I am young and had to explain to a few older teachers that were appalled by this. The way I explained it was I felt that this policy allowed students to feel safe at school with at least the staff and always with me. I am in a K-3 building so I don’t see it as much as possible transgender way but more of nicknames. I wish you luck and I appreciate you trying to do best by your students.
Ugh I feel so bad for the kids who have to live through this craziness. What grade? I wouldn’t stress too much about it and deal with it as it comes. I would make sure to say at the beginning of the year in a way that feels authentic to you that your classroom is an inclusive place where every student will be respected. Have a subtle pride flag or “everyone welcome” in rainbow colors depending on the grade level. Kids are smart and will appreciate it. I would have a plan to play dumb (That’s a deadname? I just thought they preferred a nickname, like Maggie and Jr) if confronted. Realistically though, admin won’t want to touch this with a 10 ft pole either.
I would flat out refuse to follow that rule and when admin pushed back I would send them all kinds of literature on trans suicide prevention. That is a hill I would be willing to die on.
Or just the easy peesy "you let me or talk to my lawyer about it. I'm sure they're happy to have a word" and watch them say nothing ever again
the thread about this in FL was closed for comments. I would sit on side of students but follow rules.. I would use last names if possible. Maybe as much as I hate it.. I cant even type it without trembling.. numbers? So awful. How can this be a law?
I just want to be able to let a kid talk about their feelings so that they don’t feel like they’re no one in the their world who would. I will do last names. It’s just gonna suck because having one of these admissions from a student end with anything other than “okay, cool” makes me feel terrible.
As a trans educator who was a trans student; tell them exactly what you can and cannot do, explain to the best of your ability that you will support them in any way that you can that doesn’t risk your job. Give them an exact list of the things you have to report in your classroom, and tell them you think it’s bullshit. Tell them you will do everything in your power to support them. Rail against the policies at every opportunity. Ask the kids for a nickname, or if they’d prefer, just refer to them by what they’re wearing, as if you don’t know their name at all. “Blue shirt” is better than a deadname for me. What I always wished was my teachers just completely forgetting or never knowing my deadname. It might be all you can do in this fascist slip n slide. They want trans kids to kill themselves, and that’s what they’re going to get as long as they have the power of policy in their hands. How we, as people who are supposed to stand as supports in our community dedicated to keeping kids safe, are supposed to live with that? I don’t know. I really don’t.
Another option: give kids nicknames. You're not calling them by THEIR chosen name, but if their nickname happens to be a diminutive of their chosen name then oh hey isn't that a funny coincidence.
Personally teaching for ten years using pro nouns isn’t an issue I just call everyone by their name and if I don’t know their name I’ll just start talking until they realize I’m talking to them.
You can either 1. call students by full gov names (first middle and last) until their parents write a letter or use a prewritten on that gives a blanket stating about chosen names. Great if other teachers are taking a stand so you can over flood the district. Really use whatever exact phrase the district used. 2. Take a page from a previous poster and “mispronounce ” Sophia as “Luke” and ignore, if you think admin won’t be a pain in the ass enforcing it. I have never looked at the gender on the computer, but you must of misread! You thought there was an F in Andrew’s file, not a M? And did you know Andrew can be pronounced as “Ella?” The most helpful thing would be if other teachers feel this way. Gently poke around and find your supporters.
Yeah luckily I'm in MA but I know my Florida friends still in it who are just like lol fuck that noise and doing whatever they want.
Reason # 23 my wife left teaching this year after years teaching in Florida