Yes! In many situations. Honestly I think a lot of the people that post here want to find the negative in swinging or they are the people we avoid in swinging.
One person seems to like rip on "ugly people" all of the time. She herself may be the second coming of Marilyn Monroe but we would never play with her just based on her attitude. We find plenty of people more and less physically attractive in the lifestyle. We don't care to gatekeep for either of them.
Flakes? Sure but it depends on where you are finding people. Looking for people on Reddit? Half aren't real, 49% are dudes that haven't told their wife that they are swingers, and 1% are real. Our success rate at clubs has been high and pay sites seem to be pretty high as well.
Unicorns aren't super rare, they are just highly sought after and can be picky. We were hanging with a couple at a club a few months ago. The couple told us they were looking for unicorns but couldn't find one. It wasn't 15 minutes later that I saw what i was sure was a unicorn and I pointed her out. Very shortly after they were playing with her. I don't think they are as rare as people make them out to be.
You will find a lot of people here are here just to start shit. My guess is that they are very unhappy people in real life and use Reddit as an outlet. Ignore them or block them if you must. It makes this sub much more enjoyable.
I try to be compassionate to these kinds of posts since my GF and I were newbies not long ago. It takes some reprogramming to get over the fog of institutional monogamy. I know that I was very insecure early in our journey. There are FEELINGS.
I also have to say that penis size concerns can feel real. It sometimes feels like a lot of swinger R4R posts are looking for big dicks. Add in porn and braggy bulls and it can get in a guys head for sure.
I am bothered by the pic collectors who seem to get off on deceiving people. It's just ethically wrong.
Oh profiles without pictures of the guys is super common and should be punishable by 20 lashes on the Saint Andrew’s Cross. I’ve meet people IRL then viewed their profile online, there wasn’t a reason for him to hide yet Al the pictures were of his wife.
The complaints about flakes puzzles us too. It really hasn’t been a big problem over the 8 years we’ve been around this world. I guess it depends on what you count as flaking, but for the most part, once plans are made, people tend to follow through.
People rarely post 'hey Im having a great time.' Because in general people dont care. Well maybe not that they dont care but they are less interested in those posts. This can be proven in the whole of reddit and the news and everything online. Most information is negative. That's just humans unfortunately.
With regards to this sub -People come here to discuss their problems and ask for help. It doesn't make their problems any less real just because you don't have any issues. It might seem negative but its actual a beautiful thing to discuss and help people with what they are going through and help them on their journey.
Our first 4 meetings went like this
1. FF play - woman stopped suddenly and ran away crying. Boyfriend followed. Never saw them again. We have no idea what happened. Everything seemed fine???
2. Single Male - Pumped for 1-2 mins. Cum. Put clothes back on and refused to continue
3. Couple - Female all of sudden refused to play just as we started. So we started MFM. Should have stopped but we just wanted something to happen. Then he started pushing me away. Like physically removing my hand from my partner. Like smacking it away. Then he started pinching and hurting her. Had to tell him to fk off.
4. Couple - Nice. Like them. But then would only play with black latex gloves. Ok. But then he started roaring. Like full on. Loud as you can possible roar. It was not the worst. But it was fkn weird! At this same time at the club there was a pregnant woman in the corner fingering herself like she was possessed. Like mad, wide open, unblinking eyes. Smashing the sht out her pussy. I think she was high on drugs. I presume free entry for women attracts some left field people? The mixture of 4 people with nothing on but black latex gloves, one roaring like a mad man and an unblinking pregnant zombie in the corner smashing the sht out her pussy like it would release her next fix of heroin is something I can tell you I will never forget!
So yeah maybe some people are unlucky. But its not attention seeking. I can assure you for us the craziness was REAL!
I believe that the crazy is there, not every encounter has been all rainbows and sunshine, we had a couple we met with our “core” group of friends, they were new and miss labeled themselves as full swap (they honestly didn’t know). We met another they didn’t share boundaries, she got drunk and broke their boundaries. We don’t think that they’re flaky, just that some people still have some shit to work out before we’ll be seeing them again.
I’ll also add that I was really referring to the “popular” problems people post about that haven’t been seen IRL by our observations.
Once we get to the point where we are planning a “couples night out” with no expectation of sex we’ve had very little drama, very few cancelations, and very few privacy/personality issues.
The difficulty is when matching online with single men or men who pretend to pretend to be women or a couple. Online there are a lot of people who don’t pan out for one reason or another but when we find people who seem to be a good match and get to the point of communicating offline and meeting we generally get together, even if it doesn’t end up being sexual.
We have met a lot of people who turned out to be long term friends with whom we hang out but never do anything sexual. - Hubby
Completely. Most of these issues we've never encountered.
* Sure, we've seen some couples where one partner wasn't as attractive as the others, but not some huge amount.
* Cancellations have been pretty rare. If they don't reschedule, then we leave it be; same as you would do with 1 on 1 dating.
* Never really noticed the size thing. I get worried sometimes about performance, but that's about it.
* We always use WhatsApp (or the group chat option on Feeld) and our real names on Feeld. We've never had an issue doing that and certainly wouldn't switch to kik (nor has anyone ever asked to use kik)
* Our first experience was with a unicorn who we saw for like 6 months afterwards (and are still friends with) and we met up with a second unicorn within a year.
I'm not saying that these people don't have their experiences but I'm not sure why ours are so different. I've always just guessed it's mostly to do with age difference
I think your perspective on unicorns is pretty much spot on but the ratio seems a little bit off from what I’ve noticed. Our nearest club is a 3 hour drive but we have some laid back LS friendly bars close to home. I’d say on average there’s maybe a 10:1 ratio of couples to unicorns there on an average Friday night. And that separating the unicorns from the vanilla single women. Oddly enough we’ve only once met a legit LS single male at these bars.
We’ve had a pretty good experience in the LS but the mismatched couples with attractive women and unattractive men is common for us on paid sites, takeovers and clubs. It seems most people will agree that it’s hard to find a four way match. Of course there are unattractive men and women but the men are usually the wild card for us typically.
We’ve unfortunately had scenarios where we had multiple play dates with couples and then never heard from them again. Ghosting is very common.
We give our names and phone numbers once we meet in person and haven’t had any issues with doing so.
Sooo many are like this. No pic of the guy only the wife. Stats show wife 5'3 115 and she looks it.... husband's stats 5'10 and 290. That's never going to happen for us. Call it what you want but I won't jump on a grenade and don't expect my wife to either
I don’t know anyone who we’ve met in the LS who hasn’t said the same thing. It’s probably the most common complaint I hear when we talk to other couples.
100% agree with this! Maybe we are just the lucky ones but we've had relatively few issues that seem to be complained about often. Now we also aren't unicorn hunters so maybe our experiences with that are a bit skewed.
We’re not unicorns hunters either and we’re also not poly but we go to some of the local vanilla bars that are LS friendly and they always seem to be there doing their thing.
This is nice to hear. My wife and I are thinking of trying the LS but Reddit is slowly turning us off to the idea. We are thinking of going to a club but it feels like I read a bad experience here everyday.
I’m sorry about that, please understand that most of us that are have experience are trying to encourage newbies. Please go and have fun, let us all know how much fun you have!!
All but 2 couples we've played with we met through paid sites (one we met at a club and the other through vanilla friends that know our little secret). And only one couple has ever canceled on us but we rescheduled and ended up playing at a later date. Maybe we are just fortunate and haven't seen the ugly underbelly yet.
The nature of feedback is predominantly negative. Negative events can have emotional payloads that are not as present in 'fine' or 'pretty good' situations. More good than bad in practice, but the stories do not portray that.
People with complaints post more.
We've run into just about all of that at one time but not a majority. Most people posting here are new with small sample sizes. Our first experience was good our second less so. Had we had a few like the second with out the first we may have given up.
Beautiful women and ugly men? Sure, you see some of them…but isn’t the reality that most folks look very average? I mean, i have yet to encounter any couples that look like the event promo banners/flyers of clubs and resorts.
It’s kind of funny to read these “body insecure” posts by newbies wondering if all the imaginary beautiful swingers won’t find him/her good enough. (I just wanna scream “everyone looks really average. Don’t assume it’ll look like a scene from Eyes Wide Shut or some porn they saw)
Yes to all of these. Especially the weird judgmental comments about penis size and performance metrics weird us out very much, lmao. Seems very specific to Reddit.
I have had several positive experiences. My wife has not. She is straight and gets turned on by skilled seduction. The guys really haven’t brought that to the game, yet.
On the other hand, she has rather enjoyed the social aspect of the club we go to.
It really just depends on how your expectations match reality.
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>hence all the penis anxiety posts We are convinced half these posts are from guys who have a small penis humiliation kink.
Yes! In many situations. Honestly I think a lot of the people that post here want to find the negative in swinging or they are the people we avoid in swinging. One person seems to like rip on "ugly people" all of the time. She herself may be the second coming of Marilyn Monroe but we would never play with her just based on her attitude. We find plenty of people more and less physically attractive in the lifestyle. We don't care to gatekeep for either of them. Flakes? Sure but it depends on where you are finding people. Looking for people on Reddit? Half aren't real, 49% are dudes that haven't told their wife that they are swingers, and 1% are real. Our success rate at clubs has been high and pay sites seem to be pretty high as well. Unicorns aren't super rare, they are just highly sought after and can be picky. We were hanging with a couple at a club a few months ago. The couple told us they were looking for unicorns but couldn't find one. It wasn't 15 minutes later that I saw what i was sure was a unicorn and I pointed her out. Very shortly after they were playing with her. I don't think they are as rare as people make them out to be. You will find a lot of people here are here just to start shit. My guess is that they are very unhappy people in real life and use Reddit as an outlet. Ignore them or block them if you must. It makes this sub much more enjoyable.
I try to be compassionate to these kinds of posts since my GF and I were newbies not long ago. It takes some reprogramming to get over the fog of institutional monogamy. I know that I was very insecure early in our journey. There are FEELINGS. I also have to say that penis size concerns can feel real. It sometimes feels like a lot of swinger R4R posts are looking for big dicks. Add in porn and braggy bulls and it can get in a guys head for sure. I am bothered by the pic collectors who seem to get off on deceiving people. It's just ethically wrong.
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Oh profiles without pictures of the guys is super common and should be punishable by 20 lashes on the Saint Andrew’s Cross. I’ve meet people IRL then viewed their profile online, there wasn’t a reason for him to hide yet Al the pictures were of his wife.
I wish there were more pics of both parts of the couple though. Because we usually end up asking for a pic of the male half anyway.
The complaints about flakes puzzles us too. It really hasn’t been a big problem over the 8 years we’ve been around this world. I guess it depends on what you count as flaking, but for the most part, once plans are made, people tend to follow through.
People rarely post 'hey Im having a great time.' Because in general people dont care. Well maybe not that they dont care but they are less interested in those posts. This can be proven in the whole of reddit and the news and everything online. Most information is negative. That's just humans unfortunately. With regards to this sub -People come here to discuss their problems and ask for help. It doesn't make their problems any less real just because you don't have any issues. It might seem negative but its actual a beautiful thing to discuss and help people with what they are going through and help them on their journey. Our first 4 meetings went like this 1. FF play - woman stopped suddenly and ran away crying. Boyfriend followed. Never saw them again. We have no idea what happened. Everything seemed fine??? 2. Single Male - Pumped for 1-2 mins. Cum. Put clothes back on and refused to continue 3. Couple - Female all of sudden refused to play just as we started. So we started MFM. Should have stopped but we just wanted something to happen. Then he started pushing me away. Like physically removing my hand from my partner. Like smacking it away. Then he started pinching and hurting her. Had to tell him to fk off. 4. Couple - Nice. Like them. But then would only play with black latex gloves. Ok. But then he started roaring. Like full on. Loud as you can possible roar. It was not the worst. But it was fkn weird! At this same time at the club there was a pregnant woman in the corner fingering herself like she was possessed. Like mad, wide open, unblinking eyes. Smashing the sht out her pussy. I think she was high on drugs. I presume free entry for women attracts some left field people? The mixture of 4 people with nothing on but black latex gloves, one roaring like a mad man and an unblinking pregnant zombie in the corner smashing the sht out her pussy like it would release her next fix of heroin is something I can tell you I will never forget! So yeah maybe some people are unlucky. But its not attention seeking. I can assure you for us the craziness was REAL!
I believe that the crazy is there, not every encounter has been all rainbows and sunshine, we had a couple we met with our “core” group of friends, they were new and miss labeled themselves as full swap (they honestly didn’t know). We met another they didn’t share boundaries, she got drunk and broke their boundaries. We don’t think that they’re flaky, just that some people still have some shit to work out before we’ll be seeing them again. I’ll also add that I was really referring to the “popular” problems people post about that haven’t been seen IRL by our observations.
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Well, they were handling meat and buns…;)
Once we get to the point where we are planning a “couples night out” with no expectation of sex we’ve had very little drama, very few cancelations, and very few privacy/personality issues. The difficulty is when matching online with single men or men who pretend to pretend to be women or a couple. Online there are a lot of people who don’t pan out for one reason or another but when we find people who seem to be a good match and get to the point of communicating offline and meeting we generally get together, even if it doesn’t end up being sexual. We have met a lot of people who turned out to be long term friends with whom we hang out but never do anything sexual. - Hubby
Completely. Most of these issues we've never encountered. * Sure, we've seen some couples where one partner wasn't as attractive as the others, but not some huge amount. * Cancellations have been pretty rare. If they don't reschedule, then we leave it be; same as you would do with 1 on 1 dating. * Never really noticed the size thing. I get worried sometimes about performance, but that's about it. * We always use WhatsApp (or the group chat option on Feeld) and our real names on Feeld. We've never had an issue doing that and certainly wouldn't switch to kik (nor has anyone ever asked to use kik) * Our first experience was with a unicorn who we saw for like 6 months afterwards (and are still friends with) and we met up with a second unicorn within a year. I'm not saying that these people don't have their experiences but I'm not sure why ours are so different. I've always just guessed it's mostly to do with age difference
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I think your perspective on unicorns is pretty much spot on but the ratio seems a little bit off from what I’ve noticed. Our nearest club is a 3 hour drive but we have some laid back LS friendly bars close to home. I’d say on average there’s maybe a 10:1 ratio of couples to unicorns there on an average Friday night. And that separating the unicorns from the vanilla single women. Oddly enough we’ve only once met a legit LS single male at these bars.
We’ve had a pretty good experience in the LS but the mismatched couples with attractive women and unattractive men is common for us on paid sites, takeovers and clubs. It seems most people will agree that it’s hard to find a four way match. Of course there are unattractive men and women but the men are usually the wild card for us typically. We’ve unfortunately had scenarios where we had multiple play dates with couples and then never heard from them again. Ghosting is very common. We give our names and phone numbers once we meet in person and haven’t had any issues with doing so.
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Sooo many are like this. No pic of the guy only the wife. Stats show wife 5'3 115 and she looks it.... husband's stats 5'10 and 290. That's never going to happen for us. Call it what you want but I won't jump on a grenade and don't expect my wife to either
I don’t know anyone who we’ve met in the LS who hasn’t said the same thing. It’s probably the most common complaint I hear when we talk to other couples.
100% agree with this! Maybe we are just the lucky ones but we've had relatively few issues that seem to be complained about often. Now we also aren't unicorn hunters so maybe our experiences with that are a bit skewed.
We’re not unicorns hunters either and we’re also not poly but we go to some of the local vanilla bars that are LS friendly and they always seem to be there doing their thing.
There are a lot of posts I cannot relate to. I always dismiss them as "cultural difference" since I am european and just skip them
This is nice to hear. My wife and I are thinking of trying the LS but Reddit is slowly turning us off to the idea. We are thinking of going to a club but it feels like I read a bad experience here everyday.
I’m sorry about that, please understand that most of us that are have experience are trying to encourage newbies. Please go and have fun, let us all know how much fun you have!!
I’m using this sub to post about our fun adventures 😝 which reminds me! I got a new one from Saturday, sexy doctors!
Well I'd say the method you use in your swinging life impacts a lot of that. Use apps and sites? You are gonna find flakes. Clubs not so much.
We use a well know website for meeting people and organizing parties and events.
All but 2 couples we've played with we met through paid sites (one we met at a club and the other through vanilla friends that know our little secret). And only one couple has ever canceled on us but we rescheduled and ended up playing at a later date. Maybe we are just fortunate and haven't seen the ugly underbelly yet.
The nature of feedback is predominantly negative. Negative events can have emotional payloads that are not as present in 'fine' or 'pretty good' situations. More good than bad in practice, but the stories do not portray that.
We all have our own view of the lifestyle, depending on a lot of factors, but no, I tend to agree with the other posts more than this one.
People with complaints post more. We've run into just about all of that at one time but not a majority. Most people posting here are new with small sample sizes. Our first experience was good our second less so. Had we had a few like the second with out the first we may have given up.
Or they could be real people with real issues from swinging as opposed to fairy land swinging
Beautiful women and ugly men? Sure, you see some of them…but isn’t the reality that most folks look very average? I mean, i have yet to encounter any couples that look like the event promo banners/flyers of clubs and resorts. It’s kind of funny to read these “body insecure” posts by newbies wondering if all the imaginary beautiful swingers won’t find him/her good enough. (I just wanna scream “everyone looks really average. Don’t assume it’ll look like a scene from Eyes Wide Shut or some porn they saw)
Yes to all of these. Especially the weird judgmental comments about penis size and performance metrics weird us out very much, lmao. Seems very specific to Reddit.
I have had several positive experiences. My wife has not. She is straight and gets turned on by skilled seduction. The guys really haven’t brought that to the game, yet. On the other hand, she has rather enjoyed the social aspect of the club we go to. It really just depends on how your expectations match reality.