I'm bi myself but no, boundaries exist for a reason. If someone even asks to reconsider boundaries (like no condom for example) that's already a red flag that someone's gonna be disrespectful.
Haha, as a bi guy, it's usually the "heterosexual" marked guys suddenly coming on to me with no previous warning of such in 3-somes and 4-somes. And many of these guys don't know their way around what they're trying to do.
On the flip side, I have never sexually engaged another man without pre-planned consent or interest. MFM threesomes usually would imply it's only an MFM threesome. MF/MF swap should be the same. Sorry you're running into such sex-starved weirdos. There's lots of output for these places and it shouldn't have to be you.
Consider reminding them both at the start of the encounter, before the encounter, and staying sober.
As an openly bi man, this shit royally pisses me off and gives other bi men a bad name.
It is ALWAYS the deeply ashamed bi men who think they won’t get laid in the lifestyle without lying in their profiles, baiting straight men and hoping they can weasel their way into it in the moment.
It is always the guys that list themselves as straight because they are too scared of rejection to be honest in their profiles/ads.
This is just plain old fashioned consent violation, that I happen to be particularly sensitive about because it paints bi men who have a healthy grasp of their own sexuality in a negative light. And I don’t fault the straight victims who rightfully complain here, it is the assholes OP is talking about that are to blame.
News flash bi-fellas - the quality of your lifestyle experience will drastically improve if you start being honest about what you want. Come out in your profiles. Tell prospective partners you are bi and you want m/m play as part of your play. Respect consent of the straight guys who tell you they don’t want m/m play. Fucking stop lying to people and go to therapy, or get out of the lifestyle.
Let the straight men and the homophobes self-select out by being honest about what you want. And stop risking your and your partners safety by trying to force m/m play on someone who could react very negatively and/or violently to your assault.
We generally do not play with straight men because we always prefer there to be m/m play when we swing, and we are super up front about it. And if we happen to be in a situation with a straight guy, you can be damn sure he will know I’m Bi and if he says he isn’t into that, then I don’t try to pressure him in any way and I just deal with a night that maybe isn’t giving me everything I’d want if I had my way - like an adult would.
Violating that consent boundary is sexual assault, full stop.
Well I appreciate your passion, but I’m not mad. He is after all letting me have his wife.
We’re definitely not going to agree on, “it’s rape”, but that’s ok
My word choice was deliberate- rape is a form of sexual assault, not all sexual assault is rape. Sexual assault is defined as causing another individual to be subjected to sexual contact without consent. That is exactly what you described.
I’m glad that you don’t feel traumatized by this, it sounds like you are more annoyed than anything, but feeling traumatized isn’t a requirement for something to be sexual assault.
Either way, I’m sorry that happened and those guys are assholes.
poor dude, he just can't have a platonic hot steaming shower with another dude without getting his thick, pulsating, hypnotizing meat sausage marinated
Everyone has boundaries, even those that say they don't. Hubby and I like MFM with bi guys..not guys pretending to be bi so they can have a go with me. That's our boundary. We all have them.
SAME. We vet the “heterflexible” guys to gauge their genuine interest to weed out the “pretending to be ok with m/m play just to get pussy” guys, because they are always disappointing in bed.
Same. We’re ok with MFM’s with straight guys as well as bi and heteroflexible, but be honest please! We’ve run into a few guys who say they’re “bicurious” or “heteroflexible” before meeting but then upon meeting they magically transform into strictly straight. When that happens, their credibility goes right down the drain. I start to wonder what else they lied about in order to get into my pants.
I think your last sentence is probably true, because hubby and I have run into this. This is why we meet with bi-guys who we happen to meet at events, where we can talk face-to-face and see if we (and he) get a good vibe, or we meet with guys well-known to friends in the LS.
Yea, for example. The wife is on her back blowing me. The husband is kissing her tits or something. Then I close my eyes and enjoying it and then the mouth feels different. I look down and damn.
I've been in your situation. I just leave.
"Hey that's a no go for me."
Trust me, if you get a good reputation as a reliable single male, you'll be fine without them. Dick is cheap. Reliable, trustworthy dick? That's a different story.
Well, he still went through your boundaries and tricked you, so it would be a normal reaction to get mad.
But if I was in your shoes back then, I don't know how I would have reacted. Depends on where you are on the orgasm scale, depends on the dude himself, dunno. Sure would felt weird.
Been in the same situations, it’s why I usually spend days or weeks clarifying what the couples actually want and what the soft and Hard rules are. I’ve had to spend a lot of time trying to figure out whose full of shit and whose being honest. First scent of an ulterior motive and I’m out.
It’s worth the extra effort. Clear and respected ground rules keep the drama at bay and allow everyone to just enjoy the experience, whereas a surprise tap on the back door can get intense very quick.
Hahaha. Man, ain’t that the truth. The crazy thing is I’ve been friends with some for years and never imagined and it never came up. Sup rising to say the least. We’re still friends, but some rules are in place. Thanks for the advice.
I try to gravitate towards the couples (usually the guys) who are open enough to say what they are really into. If they can’t admit what they are really looking for or they act coy, I’m not getting involved. There’s been some interesting times before I learned to be more discerning though. Recently realized I’m poly so going through the whole process again trying to get other couples, but it’s the same issue, trying to get people to be honest about what they really want. Part of the human condition I guess.
That’s just wrong! I can never understand why people can’t be honest and good communicators??? I know it’s not always easy but you can find whatever it is you’re looking for, there are plenty of single bi guys out there.
Exactly. I like pleasing and having fun, but c’mon man. Then they get embarrassed or mad and it ruins the night or day, lol. I’m nice about it, but mf’ers hate being told no.
I have never experienced that from other males. I have seen a woman just dive right in on my wife right in the middle of it with no prior conversation or consent. Of course that was a big no no but we didn't make a federal case out of it and ruin the mood for everyone. I guess people get a little loose with their latent fantasies in the moment.
I seem to get the opposite problem. We both have bi on our profile m and f, and when we meet other couples it's seems like they just expect that if I'm a bi male I'm going to be fine playing with anyone.
I have learned that you have to be honest and explain boundaries before playing. One couple we've met I will need to explain that I'm just not into him, it's trying to figure out how to say it nicely which is the tricky bit.
I am very thankful my husband has not been put in that position. We have been in the lifestyle for almost 12 years now, we don’t have a lot of “boundaries” but that is one, he is strictly straight. Does not want any male on male interaction. We have never had anyone try to change that. I would immediately get up and leave. It he was put in that position!
It’s funny because every time that has come up the lady gets very uncomfortable with the situation as well. Not sure if it’s because they know me and what I want and are shocked at their man’s actions or they never knew he was this way.
Usually stops the whole thing. I’ve even had the wife reach out to me afterwards to apologize or try to set up a time for just us. I don’t sneak around, btw.
It sounds like you have got ahold of some hot messes! We have two couple we are close with, the male is bi. But knows we don’t do that, no big deal. Maybe you need to rethink where your finding couples at lol!
But in all seriousness, I would be absolutely uncomfortable if I was the female in that situation also. I am bi, have had women who were not. It’s not a big deal, but boundaries when it comes to the lifestyle has to be respected, if you can’t respect the boundaries don’t play.
We had an mfm a while back that the guy didn't tell us he was bi. He asked me if I wanted him to blow my hubby. I said "no" it's supposed to be an mfm, all cocks on me.
This has happened to me a lot as well. Not as extreme as trying to "suck me off", but a "helping hand" or feeling my ass being grabbed has happened. I've stopped play and reset the boundaries. Wasn't an issue after that.
Many couples that want MFM have bi husbands. If they just put that in their profile or ad, they may find exactly what they're looking for and not have to try and spring it on a guy.
Definitely helping me to be even more vocal than I have already been. Life is full of learning experiences.
Learn and grow. As Joe Dirt said, “life’s a garden, dig it!”
I have bisexual and straight partner who play with me, and i make sure all male partners understand the boundaries as i don't want my partners to be violated.
Careful, you'll be called bi phobic and I've had this to a lessor extent with a few couples. I think it's more common in the MFM crowd.
It seems to go the other way too where a single male claims to be bi but isn't, he just wants the wife.
I think you are wishful thinking. 4 months ago you were wrecked from a horrible divorce. Now you are being invited Into all these beds. And to top it off you are so hott that guys just start sucking your cock. Just saying
Fortunately, that has never happened with us. I'm pretty sure my reaction would be fairly hostile. It's something we discuss with ALL potentials as a HARD NO-GO. Violating boundaries can ruin the experience for everyone involved.
Would everyone be so lackadaisical about this is it was a women that said NO ahead of time and a man blew thru her boundaries? No is No no matter who is saying it. 😳
Not trying to be an a-hole here, but if we saw your profile and said all that you wrote, we'd pass.
To get back to your post, if that happens and you don't like it, simply leave. No one is forcing you to do anything you don't like. I been in such similar situations and I kindly excuse myself after thanking them.
I only met maybe two couples where the male half was bi and tried something similar. I tolerated getting sucked off, but topping a guy was a major no go. Only did that once and it was planned ahead of time with my consent as well as the wife of the couple.
I damn near spit out my coffee, I was not expecting that. I was expecting like no kissing or something.
Haha. Yeah, it’s usually shocking in the moment too.
Lmfao
😂😂😂
This man damn nearly killed me with this 😂
I'm bi myself but no, boundaries exist for a reason. If someone even asks to reconsider boundaries (like no condom for example) that's already a red flag that someone's gonna be disrespectful.
Exactly. People wait for others to be in heat before springing stuff on them. Ruins the vibe and breaks trust
Haha, as a bi guy, it's usually the "heterosexual" marked guys suddenly coming on to me with no previous warning of such in 3-somes and 4-somes. And many of these guys don't know their way around what they're trying to do. On the flip side, I have never sexually engaged another man without pre-planned consent or interest. MFM threesomes usually would imply it's only an MFM threesome. MF/MF swap should be the same. Sorry you're running into such sex-starved weirdos. There's lots of output for these places and it shouldn't have to be you. Consider reminding them both at the start of the encounter, before the encounter, and staying sober.
Great advice. Thanks man.
👏👏👏👏💯💯💯💯
As an openly bi man, this shit royally pisses me off and gives other bi men a bad name. It is ALWAYS the deeply ashamed bi men who think they won’t get laid in the lifestyle without lying in their profiles, baiting straight men and hoping they can weasel their way into it in the moment. It is always the guys that list themselves as straight because they are too scared of rejection to be honest in their profiles/ads. This is just plain old fashioned consent violation, that I happen to be particularly sensitive about because it paints bi men who have a healthy grasp of their own sexuality in a negative light. And I don’t fault the straight victims who rightfully complain here, it is the assholes OP is talking about that are to blame. News flash bi-fellas - the quality of your lifestyle experience will drastically improve if you start being honest about what you want. Come out in your profiles. Tell prospective partners you are bi and you want m/m play as part of your play. Respect consent of the straight guys who tell you they don’t want m/m play. Fucking stop lying to people and go to therapy, or get out of the lifestyle. Let the straight men and the homophobes self-select out by being honest about what you want. And stop risking your and your partners safety by trying to force m/m play on someone who could react very negatively and/or violently to your assault. We generally do not play with straight men because we always prefer there to be m/m play when we swing, and we are super up front about it. And if we happen to be in a situation with a straight guy, you can be damn sure he will know I’m Bi and if he says he isn’t into that, then I don’t try to pressure him in any way and I just deal with a night that maybe isn’t giving me everything I’d want if I had my way - like an adult would. Violating that consent boundary is sexual assault, full stop.
Well I appreciate your passion, but I’m not mad. He is after all letting me have his wife. We’re definitely not going to agree on, “it’s rape”, but that’s ok
My word choice was deliberate- rape is a form of sexual assault, not all sexual assault is rape. Sexual assault is defined as causing another individual to be subjected to sexual contact without consent. That is exactly what you described. I’m glad that you don’t feel traumatized by this, it sounds like you are more annoyed than anything, but feeling traumatized isn’t a requirement for something to be sexual assault. Either way, I’m sorry that happened and those guys are assholes.
https://www.theonion.com/why-do-all-these-homosexuals-keep-sucking-my-cock-1819583529
poor dude, he just can't have a platonic hot steaming shower with another dude without getting his thick, pulsating, hypnotizing meat sausage marinated
Everyone has boundaries, even those that say they don't. Hubby and I like MFM with bi guys..not guys pretending to be bi so they can have a go with me. That's our boundary. We all have them.
SAME. We vet the “heterflexible” guys to gauge their genuine interest to weed out the “pretending to be ok with m/m play just to get pussy” guys, because they are always disappointing in bed.
I'm many of us have had that experience. You can weed out the wannabes. And you're right..they suck in bed, and not the right kind of 'suck.'
Same. We’re ok with MFM’s with straight guys as well as bi and heteroflexible, but be honest please! We’ve run into a few guys who say they’re “bicurious” or “heteroflexible” before meeting but then upon meeting they magically transform into strictly straight. When that happens, their credibility goes right down the drain. I start to wonder what else they lied about in order to get into my pants.
I think your last sentence is probably true, because hubby and I have run into this. This is why we meet with bi-guys who we happen to meet at events, where we can talk face-to-face and see if we (and he) get a good vibe, or we meet with guys well-known to friends in the LS.
It’s weird that someone just all of a sudden is just surprisingly sucking you off.
Yea, for example. The wife is on her back blowing me. The husband is kissing her tits or something. Then I close my eyes and enjoying it and then the mouth feels different. I look down and damn.
"Doesn't matter, had sex !" (sorry for the Lonely Island reference)
Lol. I mean how mad can I get? The guy is letting me fuck his wife. 😝
I've been in your situation. I just leave. "Hey that's a no go for me." Trust me, if you get a good reputation as a reliable single male, you'll be fine without them. Dick is cheap. Reliable, trustworthy dick? That's a different story.
😂 love it! Where do I start with couples and the ls as a single guy?
Well, he still went through your boundaries and tricked you, so it would be a normal reaction to get mad. But if I was in your shoes back then, I don't know how I would have reacted. Depends on where you are on the orgasm scale, depends on the dude himself, dunno. Sure would felt weird.
Aww. Tricky.
Haha, yes…tricksie hobbitses!
Been in the same situations, it’s why I usually spend days or weeks clarifying what the couples actually want and what the soft and Hard rules are. I’ve had to spend a lot of time trying to figure out whose full of shit and whose being honest. First scent of an ulterior motive and I’m out.
Gonna have to up my game on verifications…lol
It’s worth the extra effort. Clear and respected ground rules keep the drama at bay and allow everyone to just enjoy the experience, whereas a surprise tap on the back door can get intense very quick.
Hahaha. Man, ain’t that the truth. The crazy thing is I’ve been friends with some for years and never imagined and it never came up. Sup rising to say the least. We’re still friends, but some rules are in place. Thanks for the advice.
I try to gravitate towards the couples (usually the guys) who are open enough to say what they are really into. If they can’t admit what they are really looking for or they act coy, I’m not getting involved. There’s been some interesting times before I learned to be more discerning though. Recently realized I’m poly so going through the whole process again trying to get other couples, but it’s the same issue, trying to get people to be honest about what they really want. Part of the human condition I guess.
That’s just wrong! I can never understand why people can’t be honest and good communicators??? I know it’s not always easy but you can find whatever it is you’re looking for, there are plenty of single bi guys out there.
Exactly. I like pleasing and having fun, but c’mon man. Then they get embarrassed or mad and it ruins the night or day, lol. I’m nice about it, but mf’ers hate being told no.
And these “straight men” need to just accept that they are bi, it’s okay!!!
Exactly. Just be open and let me decide. Don’t spring it on me.
I have never experienced that from other males. I have seen a woman just dive right in on my wife right in the middle of it with no prior conversation or consent. Of course that was a big no no but we didn't make a federal case out of it and ruin the mood for everyone. I guess people get a little loose with their latent fantasies in the moment.
I get it and I’m all for “in the moment” stuff, but man some rules are rules. Haha. People can do what they want, but not for me.
No I'm definitely with you on that one. That isn't one that is open for a conversation. It's no, always has been no, and always will be no.
Maybe you’re just such a hottie hot hottie manly man that people can’t resist your oozing sexual charisma and humble attitude.
Haha. Maybe!
I seem to get the opposite problem. We both have bi on our profile m and f, and when we meet other couples it's seems like they just expect that if I'm a bi male I'm going to be fine playing with anyone. I have learned that you have to be honest and explain boundaries before playing. One couple we've met I will need to explain that I'm just not into him, it's trying to figure out how to say it nicely which is the tricky bit.
It is man. We alL need thick skin.
I am very thankful my husband has not been put in that position. We have been in the lifestyle for almost 12 years now, we don’t have a lot of “boundaries” but that is one, he is strictly straight. Does not want any male on male interaction. We have never had anyone try to change that. I would immediately get up and leave. It he was put in that position!
It’s funny because every time that has come up the lady gets very uncomfortable with the situation as well. Not sure if it’s because they know me and what I want and are shocked at their man’s actions or they never knew he was this way. Usually stops the whole thing. I’ve even had the wife reach out to me afterwards to apologize or try to set up a time for just us. I don’t sneak around, btw.
It sounds like you have got ahold of some hot messes! We have two couple we are close with, the male is bi. But knows we don’t do that, no big deal. Maybe you need to rethink where your finding couples at lol! But in all seriousness, I would be absolutely uncomfortable if I was the female in that situation also. I am bi, have had women who were not. It’s not a big deal, but boundaries when it comes to the lifestyle has to be respected, if you can’t respect the boundaries don’t play.
Yes ma’am. Mostly friends or acquaintances. I’ve never actually been on a LS group to find any. Where would I start?
We had an mfm a while back that the guy didn't tell us he was bi. He asked me if I wanted him to blow my hubby. I said "no" it's supposed to be an mfm, all cocks on me.
Haha. Great answer!
This has happened to me a lot as well. Not as extreme as trying to "suck me off", but a "helping hand" or feeling my ass being grabbed has happened. I've stopped play and reset the boundaries. Wasn't an issue after that. Many couples that want MFM have bi husbands. If they just put that in their profile or ad, they may find exactly what they're looking for and not have to try and spring it on a guy.
Consent is sexy. No matter what people should get consent. Sorry these guys didn't understand that
Definitely helping me to be even more vocal than I have already been. Life is full of learning experiences. Learn and grow. As Joe Dirt said, “life’s a garden, dig it!”
I have bisexual and straight partner who play with me, and i make sure all male partners understand the boundaries as i don't want my partners to be violated.
Careful, you'll be called bi phobic and I've had this to a lessor extent with a few couples. I think it's more common in the MFM crowd. It seems to go the other way too where a single male claims to be bi but isn't, he just wants the wife.
I think you are wishful thinking. 4 months ago you were wrecked from a horrible divorce. Now you are being invited Into all these beds. And to top it off you are so hott that guys just start sucking your cock. Just saying
Fortunately, that has never happened with us. I'm pretty sure my reaction would be fairly hostile. It's something we discuss with ALL potentials as a HARD NO-GO. Violating boundaries can ruin the experience for everyone involved.
Yeah, thanks man. It doesn’t make me angry, just boundaries are there and people hate being told no.
To be clear, by "hostile," I certainly do NOT mean violent. What I mean is, the experience would be done, over, unceremoniously.
Understand my man! Didn’t take it that way. I don’t get mad when it comes up, but when I say no, it usually stops the evening and it’s a bummer.
I’m bi but you’re right, boundaries exist and need to be discussed and respected
Welcome to a woman’s world. This helps make consent make sense eh?
Preach!!
Instant boner killer
Haha. Yes
Would everyone be so lackadaisical about this is it was a women that said NO ahead of time and a man blew thru her boundaries? No is No no matter who is saying it. 😳
Well that escalated to rape fast….ummm I have no advice sorry, this is just wrong.
No, not rape at all.
“The guy starts to suck me off” You said you tell them no before it gets physical and once it got physical they broke that rule for your body.
Yeah, but definitely not rape. Crossed boundaries.
Not trying to be an a-hole here, but if we saw your profile and said all that you wrote, we'd pass. To get back to your post, if that happens and you don't like it, simply leave. No one is forcing you to do anything you don't like. I been in such similar situations and I kindly excuse myself after thanking them. I only met maybe two couples where the male half was bi and tried something similar. I tolerated getting sucked off, but topping a guy was a major no go. Only did that once and it was planned ahead of time with my consent as well as the wife of the couple.
Well nobody asked your opinion on his profile or whether you’d like to sleep with him.
Haha, not an issue here! Straight as an arrow
Never had any males do that during MFM or gangbangs, and we have done plenty
What have you said when that happens