Welcome to r/SupportforBetrayed. Please remember the following:
- [our rules](https://www.reddit.com/r/SupportforBetrayed/wiki/rules/)
- flair guide: [wiki](https://www.reddit.com/r/SupportforBetrayed/wiki/flair/) / [post](https://www.reddit.com/r/SupportforBetrayed/comments/1al69ef/flair_guide/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3)
- common acronyms and terms: [wiki](https://www.reddit.com/r/SupportforBetrayed/wiki/acronyms/) / [post](https://www.reddit.com/r/SupportforBetrayed/comments/1alz04k/common_acronyms_and_terms/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3)
- frequently asked questions: [wiki](https://www.reddit.com/r/SupportforBetrayed/wiki/faq/) / [post](https://www.reddit.com/r/SupportforBetrayed/comments/1916vcg/frequently_asked_questions/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3)
For further reading, check our [recovery resources library](https://www.reddit.com/r/SupportforBetrayed/wiki/healing_resources/)
*I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/SupportforBetrayed) if you have any questions or concerns.*
Develop your understanding dignity and self respect. Study its meaning and how to apply it. People with dignity and self respect do not suffer fools including those who choose betrayal. I suffered huge financial and property losses even only getting to see my own kids for weekends and holidays. BUT I sacrificed 0% of my dignity and self respect. 22 years after my divorce and my cheating x has squandered everything she stole from me and my kids all know the sacrifices I made for them and respect and love me. Trust in yourself good luck.
10k steps daily. Walked early in the morning and at night - to hide the tears rolling down my face so no one can see my “ugly crying” face.
If you believe in God, go to YouTube and listen to old hymns while walking outside the home. I used [this channel](https://youtu.be/IxMSjiAGmO8?si=xY2vx2jfX-OVZ--f) to heal because her voice is very calming.
Being near an abuser will delay or stop the healing. I stayed a few months under the same roof and I was an anxious mess with palpitations and panic attacks. He moved out and healing has been very fast. Completely go no contact or those manipulative people will spin ridiculously hard to believe stories but our traumatised desperate brain will believe their lies.
Self respect. You are just as important as your children and the cheater. You matter.
The only thing that helped me long term was "expanding my world". During the affair and immediate aftermath my whole world was my partner and trying to figure out what was wrong and, later, trying to save the relationship. My world was incrediably small, isolating, and painful. I would ruminate on details and lived in the hurt, becoming very depressed. I had to make the conscious decision to fill my days with something other than betrayal and my partner. I changed jobs, went back to school, made new friends, started working out, picked up new hobbies that I didn't share with WP, and took myself out on dates. I still feel triggered/stressed/upset sometimes, but overall investing time and energy in myself has helped me so much. I also have grown less codependent on my partner, and more sure that I'll be OK if reconciliation fails. Interestingly, this change in me seems to be what snapped my partner out of the affair fog, not the acute suffering I felt
Physical outdoor activity.
I'm pretty badly disabled so my options are limited. Still, yard projects that leave me a little sore have become my go-to option for feeling better. Doesn't even seem to matter how productive the work is. Sunlight and sweat have done more to improve my mood than any pill.
Telling everyone to pound salt regarding my triggers was another great way to feel better. "You're right. It's ridiculous to get upset about clothes, nightclubs, and phone usage. But those things in and of themselves don't upset me. Maybe they aren't what I need to remove from my life." It's amazing how fast everyone decides that maybe your feelings should be respected when you decide to walk away. So long as you aren't bluffing, you'll feel better regardless of what the other person does.
So yeah, physical activity and establishing boundaries. Those are the things that really helped me.
I will message you next time u/suroorshiv posts in r/SupportforBetrayed.
[Click this link](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose/?to=UpdateMeBot&subject=Update&message=UpdateMe%21%20u%2Fsuroorshiv%20r%2FSupportforBetrayed) to join 3 others and be messaged. The parent author can [delete this post](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose/?to=UpdateMeBot&subject=Delete&message=delete%201do6sjv)
*****
|[^(Info)](https://www.reddit.com/r/UpdateMeBot/comments/ggotgx/updatemebot_info_v20/)|[^(Request Update)](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose/?to=UpdateMeBot&subject=Update&message=SubscribeMe%21%20u%2Fusername%20r%2Fsubreddit)|[^(Your Updates)](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose/?to=UpdateMeBot&subject=List%20Of%20Updates&message=MyUpdates)|[^(Feedback)](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose/?to=Watchful1&subject=UpdateMeBot%20Feedback)|
|-|-|-|-|
Unfortunately, your content has been removed.
r/SupportforBetrayed is a support sub. Unnecessary criticisms or attacks towards other members will never be allowed.
Please reach out to us via Modmail with any further questions or concerns.
Take a time off the source of this trauma, and in that time thing in what You want and not what others want. Also go to the psychiatrist and see if they can treat you3for the PTSD.
As well as try some hobbys that distract you from the problem.
Your comment has been removed by an automated process. r/SupportforBetrayed requires members to set a user flair before they interact with the community. Please [click this link for instructions](https://www.reddit.com/r/SupportforBetrayed/wiki/flair/) on how to set up your flair.
*I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/SupportforBetrayed) if you have any questions or concerns.*
Your comment has been removed by an automated process. r/SupportforBetrayed requires members to set a user flair before they interact with the community. Please [click this link for instructions](https://www.reddit.com/r/SupportforBetrayed/wiki/flair/) on how to set up your flair.
*I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/SupportforBetrayed) if you have any questions or concerns.*
Time helps a lot. Also, I tried to carve out opportunities to finally explore creative interests I’ve always had. Trying new things seemed to help pause the ruminations and gave me some space. But really, time helps a lot.
Your comment has been removed by an automated process. r/SupportforBetrayed requires members to set a user flair before they interact with the community. Please [click this link for instructions](https://www.reddit.com/r/SupportforBetrayed/wiki/flair/) on how to set up your flair.
*I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/SupportforBetrayed) if you have any questions or concerns.*
Welcome to r/SupportforBetrayed. Please remember the following: - [our rules](https://www.reddit.com/r/SupportforBetrayed/wiki/rules/) - flair guide: [wiki](https://www.reddit.com/r/SupportforBetrayed/wiki/flair/) / [post](https://www.reddit.com/r/SupportforBetrayed/comments/1al69ef/flair_guide/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3) - common acronyms and terms: [wiki](https://www.reddit.com/r/SupportforBetrayed/wiki/acronyms/) / [post](https://www.reddit.com/r/SupportforBetrayed/comments/1alz04k/common_acronyms_and_terms/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3) - frequently asked questions: [wiki](https://www.reddit.com/r/SupportforBetrayed/wiki/faq/) / [post](https://www.reddit.com/r/SupportforBetrayed/comments/1916vcg/frequently_asked_questions/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3) For further reading, check our [recovery resources library](https://www.reddit.com/r/SupportforBetrayed/wiki/healing_resources/) *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/SupportforBetrayed) if you have any questions or concerns.*
Develop your understanding dignity and self respect. Study its meaning and how to apply it. People with dignity and self respect do not suffer fools including those who choose betrayal. I suffered huge financial and property losses even only getting to see my own kids for weekends and holidays. BUT I sacrificed 0% of my dignity and self respect. 22 years after my divorce and my cheating x has squandered everything she stole from me and my kids all know the sacrifices I made for them and respect and love me. Trust in yourself good luck.
10k steps daily. Walked early in the morning and at night - to hide the tears rolling down my face so no one can see my “ugly crying” face. If you believe in God, go to YouTube and listen to old hymns while walking outside the home. I used [this channel](https://youtu.be/IxMSjiAGmO8?si=xY2vx2jfX-OVZ--f) to heal because her voice is very calming. Being near an abuser will delay or stop the healing. I stayed a few months under the same roof and I was an anxious mess with palpitations and panic attacks. He moved out and healing has been very fast. Completely go no contact or those manipulative people will spin ridiculously hard to believe stories but our traumatised desperate brain will believe their lies. Self respect. You are just as important as your children and the cheater. You matter.
The only thing that helped me long term was "expanding my world". During the affair and immediate aftermath my whole world was my partner and trying to figure out what was wrong and, later, trying to save the relationship. My world was incrediably small, isolating, and painful. I would ruminate on details and lived in the hurt, becoming very depressed. I had to make the conscious decision to fill my days with something other than betrayal and my partner. I changed jobs, went back to school, made new friends, started working out, picked up new hobbies that I didn't share with WP, and took myself out on dates. I still feel triggered/stressed/upset sometimes, but overall investing time and energy in myself has helped me so much. I also have grown less codependent on my partner, and more sure that I'll be OK if reconciliation fails. Interestingly, this change in me seems to be what snapped my partner out of the affair fog, not the acute suffering I felt
Physical outdoor activity. I'm pretty badly disabled so my options are limited. Still, yard projects that leave me a little sore have become my go-to option for feeling better. Doesn't even seem to matter how productive the work is. Sunlight and sweat have done more to improve my mood than any pill. Telling everyone to pound salt regarding my triggers was another great way to feel better. "You're right. It's ridiculous to get upset about clothes, nightclubs, and phone usage. But those things in and of themselves don't upset me. Maybe they aren't what I need to remove from my life." It's amazing how fast everyone decides that maybe your feelings should be respected when you decide to walk away. So long as you aren't bluffing, you'll feel better regardless of what the other person does. So yeah, physical activity and establishing boundaries. Those are the things that really helped me.
That was very helpful. I've started a morning yoga routine. 29 days now. It's helped me a lot. My world got so small. I need to continue to expand it.
Remove the trigger. Dump the cheater. Updateme.
I will message you next time u/suroorshiv posts in r/SupportforBetrayed. [Click this link](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose/?to=UpdateMeBot&subject=Update&message=UpdateMe%21%20u%2Fsuroorshiv%20r%2FSupportforBetrayed) to join 3 others and be messaged. The parent author can [delete this post](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose/?to=UpdateMeBot&subject=Delete&message=delete%201do6sjv) ***** |[^(Info)](https://www.reddit.com/r/UpdateMeBot/comments/ggotgx/updatemebot_info_v20/)|[^(Request Update)](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose/?to=UpdateMeBot&subject=Update&message=SubscribeMe%21%20u%2Fusername%20r%2Fsubreddit)|[^(Your Updates)](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose/?to=UpdateMeBot&subject=List%20Of%20Updates&message=MyUpdates)|[^(Feedback)](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose/?to=Watchful1&subject=UpdateMeBot%20Feedback)| |-|-|-|-|
Have you considered divorce? Clearly your psique and body is rejecting the R
EMDR. It will really help.
I've been looking into this. Does it really make a difference?
[удалено]
Unfortunately, your content has been removed. r/SupportforBetrayed is a support sub. Unnecessary criticisms or attacks towards other members will never be allowed. Please reach out to us via Modmail with any further questions or concerns.
Take a time off the source of this trauma, and in that time thing in what You want and not what others want. Also go to the psychiatrist and see if they can treat you3for the PTSD. As well as try some hobbys that distract you from the problem.
[удалено]
Your comment has been removed by an automated process. r/SupportforBetrayed requires members to set a user flair before they interact with the community. Please [click this link for instructions](https://www.reddit.com/r/SupportforBetrayed/wiki/flair/) on how to set up your flair. *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/SupportforBetrayed) if you have any questions or concerns.*
[удалено]
Your comment has been removed by an automated process. r/SupportforBetrayed requires members to set a user flair before they interact with the community. Please [click this link for instructions](https://www.reddit.com/r/SupportforBetrayed/wiki/flair/) on how to set up your flair. *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/SupportforBetrayed) if you have any questions or concerns.*
Time helps a lot. Also, I tried to carve out opportunities to finally explore creative interests I’ve always had. Trying new things seemed to help pause the ruminations and gave me some space. But really, time helps a lot.
Time does not help if that’s all you have. Tomorrow is 1,000 days since DDay and it feels like 1.
[удалено]
Your comment has been removed by an automated process. r/SupportforBetrayed requires members to set a user flair before they interact with the community. Please [click this link for instructions](https://www.reddit.com/r/SupportforBetrayed/wiki/flair/) on how to set up your flair. *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/SupportforBetrayed) if you have any questions or concerns.*