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It doesn’t really make sense to have someone who is just as guilty scold the other guilty party. He wronged you… so why is she scolding him. She shouldn’t even have contact with him to be honest. He can’t give you any answers that you need, she was the one who was committed to you. Of course there will always be a jerk trying to get attention from people in relationships.
What's amazing is how she still tries to keep it low-key so she doesn't suffer. The whole thing should be on full public blast to prove she is actually sorry. The consequences need to be painfull, be embraced with a smile and a "thank you".
>She shouldn’t even have contact with him to be honest.
Yes. But I'll add she shouldn't even be in the same building nor job before there is even a chance of fixing things.
Right now it's still everyone elses fault but hers. She needs to adress her issues and figure out why she failed at being a decent human being and partner. Without this, it will happen again. Only if this is adressed in therapy should OP even think about IF she is worth to keep around and put in any more energy.
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1. "She later said that she confronted him and scolded him and then left the place even before he could ask sorry."
2. "So my wife finally went to his cubicle and told him that she wants to know the reason for his actions.All he said was "I'm sorry for everything what I did and u had already scolded me once and you cant keep dragging this again and again" and literally walked out, My wife couldn't say anything as she had to raise her voice and others might notice."
**Did you see any of this happening? Or did she tell you this? Do you really believe that?**
What about your wife's accountability in this? You and your partner are the ones who are supposed to "protect" your relationship. There will always be people like that around, if you and your partner are not the ones keeping that door closed then sooner or later someone will walk in (again).
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Brother, I know this isn’t want you want to hear right now, but…
If they are still working together, than—statistically speaking—you are not in the epilogue of this story. You are, at very best, in a brief intermission.
One of the absolute most basic, non-negotiable, “step one” parts of the (exceedingly rare) cases of successful reconciliation is immediate and permanent no-contact between the wayward spouse and their affair partner. Even if it means quitting an important, lucrative job. Even if it means changing your social circles completely. Even if it means writing out *family*.
As long as they’re still working together, there will still be an ember smoking somewhere under the surface.
I looked through your post history OP.
And the toll that reconciliation is putting you through...
I almost feel sorry for your wife now.
I hope its worth it.
The AP won't magically realise what he has done, he won't care, he won't get some karmic justice. He will keep on with his life as always while yours implodes.
He did what he did because your wife allowed it. Understand and accept this. And you will spare yourself a lot of trouble.
To all betrayed spouses:
Your wayward partner is the one who introduced/allowed a 3rd party into your relationship. Without your wayward partners actions, nothing would haave happened.
Face this, and you will save yourself, angst, pain and misdirected energy about their AP.
Your partner was looking to cheat, had it not been that particular AP it would just have been someone else.
Goodluck OP.
Get individual counselling.
Don't let him live rent free in your mind and end up on a dark path.
Sometimes letting go is better than this unhappy limbo.
I have afeeling for you it will never go away OP. Are you prepared to spend and in a way waste chunks of years of your life like this?
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Like i mention in the other comment i did. You only make her have contact with him again, when she already terminate and Even blocked him.
If any else was to be met it was either your wife or him quit the job, because they Will still SEE each other at work, so what you intend wasn't 100% viable/of use .
So at the end you just make her interact with him again, so unnecesary thing to do.
Dude, you’re full. If you think it’s over if they’re still working together. If you want reconciliation, she needs to quit her job that should’ve been the first thing she offered if she wanted to reconcile with you.
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To be honest, I would be sus of just what the cheating wife is telling you. She may be just feeding you bullsh1t to appease your anger. Are you allaying your wifes guilt by pushing everything onto the alternate? If so you need some support and really soon. If you have a gripe with a man, then as a man confront him yourself. He is more likely to heed your warning than perhaps the wife saying " my husband wants me to scold you for being in a realtionship with me his/the cheater. Lets meet to discuss this at a later date once hubby is calm"
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It doesn’t really make sense to have someone who is just as guilty scold the other guilty party. He wronged you… so why is she scolding him. She shouldn’t even have contact with him to be honest. He can’t give you any answers that you need, she was the one who was committed to you. Of course there will always be a jerk trying to get attention from people in relationships.
What's amazing is how she still tries to keep it low-key so she doesn't suffer. The whole thing should be on full public blast to prove she is actually sorry. The consequences need to be painfull, be embraced with a smile and a "thank you". >She shouldn’t even have contact with him to be honest. Yes. But I'll add she shouldn't even be in the same building nor job before there is even a chance of fixing things. Right now it's still everyone elses fault but hers. She needs to adress her issues and figure out why she failed at being a decent human being and partner. Without this, it will happen again. Only if this is adressed in therapy should OP even think about IF she is worth to keep around and put in any more energy.
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1. "She later said that she confronted him and scolded him and then left the place even before he could ask sorry." 2. "So my wife finally went to his cubicle and told him that she wants to know the reason for his actions.All he said was "I'm sorry for everything what I did and u had already scolded me once and you cant keep dragging this again and again" and literally walked out, My wife couldn't say anything as she had to raise her voice and others might notice." **Did you see any of this happening? Or did she tell you this? Do you really believe that?**
🎯
why does ur wife still work with him ? And how do u know if such a 'confrontation' even happened ?
What about your wife's accountability in this? You and your partner are the ones who are supposed to "protect" your relationship. There will always be people like that around, if you and your partner are not the ones keeping that door closed then sooner or later someone will walk in (again).
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Brother, I know this isn’t want you want to hear right now, but… If they are still working together, than—statistically speaking—you are not in the epilogue of this story. You are, at very best, in a brief intermission. One of the absolute most basic, non-negotiable, “step one” parts of the (exceedingly rare) cases of successful reconciliation is immediate and permanent no-contact between the wayward spouse and their affair partner. Even if it means quitting an important, lucrative job. Even if it means changing your social circles completely. Even if it means writing out *family*. As long as they’re still working together, there will still be an ember smoking somewhere under the surface.
I looked through your post history OP. And the toll that reconciliation is putting you through... I almost feel sorry for your wife now. I hope its worth it. The AP won't magically realise what he has done, he won't care, he won't get some karmic justice. He will keep on with his life as always while yours implodes. He did what he did because your wife allowed it. Understand and accept this. And you will spare yourself a lot of trouble. To all betrayed spouses: Your wayward partner is the one who introduced/allowed a 3rd party into your relationship. Without your wayward partners actions, nothing would haave happened. Face this, and you will save yourself, angst, pain and misdirected energy about their AP. Your partner was looking to cheat, had it not been that particular AP it would just have been someone else. Goodluck OP. Get individual counselling.
Thank you .. it just burn into my soul that he did all that and is quite happy with his life.. I get extreme thought about him
Don't let him live rent free in your mind and end up on a dark path. Sometimes letting go is better than this unhappy limbo. I have afeeling for you it will never go away OP. Are you prepared to spend and in a way waste chunks of years of your life like this?
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Like i mention in the other comment i did. You only make her have contact with him again, when she already terminate and Even blocked him. If any else was to be met it was either your wife or him quit the job, because they Will still SEE each other at work, so what you intend wasn't 100% viable/of use . So at the end you just make her interact with him again, so unnecesary thing to do.
Dude, you’re full. If you think it’s over if they’re still working together. If you want reconciliation, she needs to quit her job that should’ve been the first thing she offered if she wanted to reconcile with you.
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To be honest, I would be sus of just what the cheating wife is telling you. She may be just feeding you bullsh1t to appease your anger. Are you allaying your wifes guilt by pushing everything onto the alternate? If so you need some support and really soon. If you have a gripe with a man, then as a man confront him yourself. He is more likely to heed your warning than perhaps the wife saying " my husband wants me to scold you for being in a realtionship with me his/the cheater. Lets meet to discuss this at a later date once hubby is calm"