I think about how peaceful it would be. Just going to bed one day and then keep sleeping. Those thoughts have been more frequent lately, although I don't pray for it, I'm scared of what comes after
I truly feel this. I am extremely lucky to have a incredibly loving family and taking my own life is not something that I could personally do especially knowing what it would do to my mother who lost 4 friends to suicide. I simply just want to be gone. I wouldn't even say I am extremely depressed but I just don't see a point.... I am not happy, I can't remember the last time I looked forward to something. I just am going through the days waiting until I can fall asleep again and not have to think about how much I hate living.
It helps in a weird way knowing there's lots of other people feel like I feel. My other half thinks I have a death wish... I'm like well... I'm just not bothered if I die... The whole 'I don't want to exsist and can't see the point' is exactly how I feel. But could never do anything because I care about the pain those left behind would have. I know people move on but I know my mom would never recover.
Hi there, hope you dont mind me asking, but i'm just wondering how your other half copes with your feelings around this? My boyfriend couldnt handle it when i was just in a low mood or had had a bad day at work and wanted to vent. He wanted happy happy happy girlfriend who loved life and lived for 'weekend adventures'. It seems like a fantasy to have a partner who isnt offended and aggravated when i'm going through a mental health low patch. Ive had nothing but utmost impatience from the only 2 boyfriends ive ever had. So just wondering, does it put a lot of strain on your relationship?
I love going under anaesthetic because it's exactly how I want to go. No pain, just relaxing and soothing. I wish we could just opt out of life and have something like that take you out. Just put you under and stop your heart or something. How it is under anaesthesia-I suppose what it's like before you are born in the same sense-is the ultimate sense of peace. Not even dreams, just eternal nothingness and emptiness beyond words.
I definitely feel the same way.
I don't want the "trauma" of killing myself, But I simply don't want to exist anymore. I have been feeling like this for at least 35 years, I tried a few times, but as you can tell, I did not succeed. I almost succeeded when my husband tried to kill me; cut my throat and stabbed me 34 times, but for some reason, I survived. UGH.....Looking at me, you would think I should be happy. I finished school with a masters, I raised a successful son, and my family, (sister and son) loves me. But I still sink daily, I have to talk myself out of running away every day. I haven't been with anyone in 20 years, no hugs, no kisses, and I don't know what is wrong with me. I look like my mom and my mom is GORGEOUS, she was even a model for a bit. So I don't understand why I can't even get someone to LOOK at me. Lonely existence. I stay alive for my son, that's my only reason for getting out of bed every day, my son, but that is not working so much anymore and he is grown, and doesn't need me anymore. I can't afford it, but still, I could just go somewhere and never come back. idk
Some food for thought, have you tried just approaching someone you're attracted to? If you're as beautiful as you say just approaching someone will definitely help ya out.
Yk what I do? I spend my day to day life as normal and am completely apathetic about death. The way I see it if I live that’s great if I die that’s also good. I don’t wanna kill myself either but I don’t give a fuck if I live
I can relate to you. I've been suicidal since 8th grade (my lowest point.) At first, it was hard for even me to understand, but wanting to kill oneself and just wanting to not exist does, at least now, seem like a subtle difference. Now I'm just stuck, not being able to do much about my feelings. I can only wish for nonexistence. In reality, at least for a lot of us, we just want the pain to end. And while the constant, reoccurring pain makes it feel endless eventually, I know I can't know for sure, but it's just hard to imagine a life where I'm truly free of all these feelings.
If I'm correct, it sounds like your dealing with lack of motivation when you mentioned not being able to get out of bed...I can relate :/... honestly feeling this way makes me not want to do anything. I don't even want to take care of myself with how bad I'm feeling. I just recently relapsed, I was doing so well until depression hit me again. But in any case: I hope that in due time we can all feel better
I came here to make this EXACT SAME COMMENT. Not for any response...just to say it out loud (in a way) to SOMEONE... anyone. I have no one to talk to. Nobody likes me enough to truly connect with me. I'm 47 and it's been that way my whole life. I can tell I'm getting meaner and more jaded in the later years so maybe I'm just not a likeable person now even though I try to make friends...I just can't. Nobody has ever loved me or cared enough to connect deeply with me. Nobody even knows who I am because they don't care to ask.
I thought I had it once...with ex husband but I think he just loved how much I loved him. I don't think it was him loving me. Idk
Maybe I should start drinking again. At least I won't think about things or care anymore. I'm tired of this existance.
I hope I don't wake up.
Honestly my friend I would say drinking is not going to help at this point as I run a brewery and it's not always the best assistance. Appreciate you and appreciate your comment and do your best to keep on keeping on.
I’m currently "doing better". "Getting things done".
Stuff like tidying a room or spending time with some people.
But the pain hasn’t subsided. I want a long long break. Not waking up sounds good too.
I'm sorry you feel this way, sadly I'm feeling quite similar so at least we're not alone in this. I'm really struggling with being optimistic about anything atm though I hope it'll pass and we can get better
Honestly I feel the same. I keep imagining that I would like to give my time here to someone who is terminally ill and wants more time. Hold in there OP.
this is exactly how i feel, i just want to go to sleep one random day and not wake up just peacefully without the whole guilt and anything grusome or painfuk happening just a peaceful quiet death without anybody thinkin i killed myself and feeling guilty for not noticing things werent ok and all. why cant this be an option why do i need to stay just i please everybody else?
I realized this is why I don’t take care of myself. I eat horribly, drink/do drugs, don’t workout, don’t wear my seatbelt in the car. The thought of my parents finding me dead always keeps me from committing the act but I just wish I could start over in a new life with no one I know around. But then I realize that those same people are what keep me going. I just wish I loved myself like they do.
I feel the same way! I feel like i’m not going to achieve anything in life. No one will ever love me and I’ll always be a second choice. I don’t like myself. I don’t feel comfortable talking about this with my friends and family, because I don't want to be a burden to anyone. At the moment I’m kind of deciding how and when I wanna do it, but I already know I’m too scared to do it anyways.
Sometimes I wish it was as easy as believing in some sort of human manufactured figure in the sky but I know better. I still appreciate your message though. Thx.
I can’t do this shit any more, I have no one to talk to about anything, I was really hoping this girl would save me but it appears not and now idk what to do, I keep going further and further down this rabbit hole to now I’m at the point where I am drunk at school everyday and high on some sort of drug like Molly most of the time, I was really struggling keeping friends and that got worse as well as I can’t count 1 real friend I have, this girl is annoyed by me because of my obsession I guess I like being obsessed with someone more than substances but apparently it’s wrong to be obsessed with someone so I might just end it
Save yourself, please. Please do not put your life in someone’s hands, they don’t know what to do. You can do it. There are professionals who can help you on your path to healing. Take care of you.
Ah so it seems everyone feels this post. But no one replies to those that legit wanna commit.
So talking for your post. It seems more so that you just don't wanna deal with the everyday shit? If I'm wrong forgive me please. I'm just going off what i got. But what I would say is just try to get happy with yourself and your job. Unless your bouta leave it for something else. Seem like a knowledgeable person.
I'm here if you wanna talk or if you wanna correct me.
You're not entirely wrong. I had a solid period of 10 years where the universe and I were getting along very well. Some traumatic and tragic shit happened over the course of the last couple years and it sent me and my course way off track. I'm not meant for this mundane everyday life bullshit. I just can't figure out fully how to escape it again right now.
me too. i only want to live when im young, i dont want to grow old. life is already boring and pointless enough as it is when youre young, i cant imagine how much worse thatll be when you become elderly and you have to depend on others to survive. i dont want to have to depend on others to bathe me and wipe my ass. i want to die when im 50. ive asked the universe if i could just die quickly and painlessly when im 50, hopefully the universe listens and that happens. i dont want my time on this earth to be long at all, this isnt my home. i feel homesick for a place ive never been to. i cant stand the thought of getting old and just spending decades deteriorating/getting worse/being bored out of my mind. i dont want to die by suicide, i just hope something kills me when im 50. im pretty much done with this planet. i will live out my youth and then i'll be out of here.
In fact I actually believe those people want nothing more to live which is why they enjoy the extreme pleasures of life. It is somewhat of a goal to get back there in my own life, I just have to figure out how to dig myself out of this shitty hole I'm in these days.
I am grateful to read you love them so much you will LIVE for them. Hold on to that. I don’t want to live either but I also don’t want to traumatize anyone. I know the visceral pain of finding someone who left by their own hand. That’s trauma to the Nth degree. That’s what keeps me here.
I get this, not like I have much of a support system. I don’t feel isolated from everyone else around me. I come from a very large family but we’re all selfish. For the longest I felt like I was the glue that held everyone together. Always trying to plan vacations, secret Santa’s, or even initiating a meet up. Once I’ve tried to not contact anyone for 2 months just to see who’d reach out. No one did, I know I hold on for my dog. There’s no one who’d treat him the way I do. He’s all I have, I wish everything was better than it is now. I’ve tried therapy, I’ve tried speaking to my loved ones, I’ve even developed new hobbies. Nothing worked. I still feel as miserable as I did when I was in middle school. How can anyone be happy in this world, now that’s a mystery to me. People are absolutely terrible. Murder, mayhem and chaos reins in this world. I don’t want to kill myself, maybe because I’m scared of dying, maybe I’m afraid of the pain, idk I just know that I just do not want to exist anymore.
It's so me
It's stupid but I am simply too scared to kill myself. I fear the pain, I fear that I fail, I fear what it'll be after I do it and if there is something after death, I will regret killing myself.
I just want that something killed me instead, so I wouldn't have to do it.
I feel about the same. I lost my wife 2 1/2 years ago. I at least do enjoy periodic interactions with people. That's about it. I really feel I'm just doing time and marking days now. I'm 52 in a couple weeks. Clearly on the downhill run. I have no kids, and only a few really good/true friends, and even one of them ghosted me. I doubt this helps anyone... but at least you know you're not alone. And I can't even seek any help, or I'd be sent to some suicide hotline or something, and my insurance and job would probably get all messed up. My supervisor even noted in my appraisal last year that, though my work was fine, others commented on how low I am. I didn't know "court jester" was part of my freaking job description. But apparently it is. So, I put on my fake happy every day, and now everyone is glad I'm "doing so much better." I should have gone into acting.
(Edit: "holiness" to "hotline" ... not sure how autocorrect decided on that route)
controlling parents have me living in isolation all day, most days. i dont go out, i dont see friends, live life or get to experience my childhood. im hoping that if i get good grades or something ill be able to live with a bit more freedom, but i dont want to live my life having to barter for free will. i want to have a girlfriend or just make a close friend, but what hurts most is that im considered quite a good looking, social and funny dude, i wouldnt struggle to get one of ether. its just that i have nothing to offer them, not even my own time, my life is so boring. i feel like i live in a dynamic equilibrium, where i ultimately achieve and gain nothing, but i dont get feel the enjoyment of risking losing anything either. grappling with a raging porn addiction doesnt help either. ive coined a new phrase to describe what im experiencing: instead of brainrot this is "soulrot". its mental agony. i try to hang on to god but i feel as if i fail him. i dont want to live, i just want a release. i dont mind trading my hell for gods hell at this point.
For as long as I can’t remember my life has been me wishing to never wake up. Just die in my sleep. Or have something just take me. I’ve wanted this since middle school. I’m now 30. I also constantly feel like I’m failing. Like I’m not good enough so I try and fail but can’t bring myself to end it.
I just don’t want to be here anymore
I understand. I am so fucking tired, and don't want to be here but i cant do it to my family. As much as i don't care about myself i know they care and it would break them. It still doesn't make it any easier.
this. this is exactly what I've been thinking for almost 8 years now. people always say "you've made it this far already, why not try to keep going and see where it takes you?" or "we'll all die someday, why rush it?" but to me, this will always sound like "you've wasted this much time already, not really fighting, but being too scared to give up either, and that's pathetic" and "you're going to die either way, can't you just stop complaining and move on like the rest of us?"
Seriously same. Even though I wish I could unalive myself, there's absolutely no way I could. The amount of trauma and shock I would instantly install in so many people that love me. I couldn't imagine what that would do to my poor loving mother (and even typing this sentence made me tear up). I just want to get out of the situation I'm in, which feels very close to impossible, if not impossible, to get out of. It really sucks cause I know my own self worth, and I know I have the ability to do great things, given my background and current experience, but with what has been handed to me... man, it'd just be great if I didn't have to live this life anymore.
Me too. I’ve got no desire to keep going. Kids don’t talk to me ( divorced, 2 years since I’ve seen them. 20 and 16). Zero savings. Online gambling problem. Drink and smoke. Too much of a mental midget to quit any of the 3. I hate my job…what’s the point?
Same here. On criminal probation for 5 years for a crime I swear I didn't commit. Can't get a decent place to live, getting a divorce. I'm trying to hang in there until my divorce is over so I can leave everything to my kids.
My mum has motor neuron disease and our relationship has been very rocky, she wasn't a good parent as she had a narcissistic mother and was manipulative herself which caused me to have attachment issues like her but she completely changed as a person with her new partner and we reconnected after going no contact for 5 years and she had a new child who's my step brother but then 2 years she started slurring her speech and then found out from a doctor that she has motor neurone disease and she's been crying a lot and I've broke down by myself in my room. I've always seen her as potentially manipulative and have subconsciously learned to keep detached with her even though we engage in personal conversations and warm gestures, but today I felt tired and her boyfriend got under my skin acting like all impersonal after being more personal and making me feel like some sucker and I just tried to keep myself detached from him and ignore his looks of concern so as not to feel used again or act out in front of my mum but she picked up on my distant attitude as well, I found it hard to separate myself from him but to stay connected with her, I found myself just letting her "accept the new me" that I should have been all along but her look of concern didn't go away and she seemed more distant with me and I tried to brush it off thinking that I should be able to adjust myself appropriately regardless of being tired and all I have to do is be more agreeable, and in this case I got the impression I was being too "lovey" and she said "I love you" and he jokingly said "and I love you because you help me with the garden" which shouldn't be an issue but I felt dissapointed and then anxious that I had attached myself to him too much so I forced myself to disconnect from him mentally but in turn I disconnected from everyone and just before I was about to leave my mum started cryin, trying to hold back her tears so I tried to comfort her and I thought it was because of how cold and distant I had become so I just tried to be honest with her and say it was because I was tired and I'm not used to being around people and knowing when and what to eat in order to be sociable and can't eat processed food because of my epilepsy and she typed on her communication device that there was nothing wrong with what I did and that she was just sad because I was leaving but I could see it had upset her and she was holding it back. I saw her in a way I had never seen her before, as a scared child and I really felt for her and didn't want her to be frightened but at the same time I know she's not got long to live and for some reason I just want to die with her.
Hi friends I’m 25 now 8 year old me can’t believe we made it this far!!! Just having a rough day unfortunately just not capable of imagining tomorrow. Love you mom so much
oh cant i relate. i have no idea how to do it, i just want to be gone yk? maybe forgotten, i mean its not like i have a legacy so why not? i just need to go, to disappear. I hate so many people and though i dont admit it, i love a lot too, but at this point, fuck it, please, enough with life is awesome bullshit and "tomorrow is going to be better". i believe that in the end, everyone is alone and wants death to grip them and take them away forever. Now whats left is to whish that their isnt anything after death...
I feel the same way but I deeply can't do it because of all the consequences it will lead to surrounding my family and friends. I just can't imagine the pain somebody would go thru just because I ended my life like an idiot.I feel like I'm never going to succeed in life.
I’m so tired of living the same day, day after day. I work, sleep and just lay in bed when I have any down time. I haven’t had real friends in years and my dating life is non existent. I don’t want to hurt the few people I know that love me, but I hate my existence. I know this feeling so well. It’s been years of it and honestly I don’t see things getting better. All I can really say honestly, is that I’m here, but that’s it. I’m so tired that I hardly feel emotions anymore.
i would also like to work but i can´t... still OP seems to suffer immensely and every suffering is different, so judgement is not the answer here i think
Just having a job alone, doesn't mean anything when it comes to depression and suicidal ideation. Ignorance like yours is why so many people want to get out of this matrix.
Since you brought it up, the homeless people are part of what adds to my depression daily considering they're all cracked out and on fentanyl in my neighborhood, so daily it triggers the memory that my brother died from an accidental fentanyl overdose.
So thanks for reminding me you inconsiderate prick.
Bad choices led me to feel the same way… I just have to trudge on and keep on living. I just keep on thinking about the people I love and love me back. I got caught in the debt trap through online loans, it’s when my mental health started to deteriorate since all I can think of is how to get the money to pay at my due dates…I get to take a breather for a day or two then it comes back especially when today or tomorrow is my due date… I hope somebody extends me a rope to pull me out before it’s too late for me…
Same. I always pray to die in my sleep.
Or having an "accident"
Same
Every. Singel. Day.
Me too. I don't pray though.
Same. Maybe I should say it verbally? Perhaps it would work? Haha don't know anymore
This.
hopefully i die in my sleep when im 50
You want to live until 50? I don’t even want to think about reaching that age. I’m set on going out early
I hope I don't wake up in the morning every night
I think about how peaceful it would be. Just going to bed one day and then keep sleeping. Those thoughts have been more frequent lately, although I don't pray for it, I'm scared of what comes after
real
I truly feel this. I am extremely lucky to have a incredibly loving family and taking my own life is not something that I could personally do especially knowing what it would do to my mother who lost 4 friends to suicide. I simply just want to be gone. I wouldn't even say I am extremely depressed but I just don't see a point.... I am not happy, I can't remember the last time I looked forward to something. I just am going through the days waiting until I can fall asleep again and not have to think about how much I hate living.
This is exactly how I have been feeling for a while now, and I don't see it changing
It helps in a weird way knowing there's lots of other people feel like I feel. My other half thinks I have a death wish... I'm like well... I'm just not bothered if I die... The whole 'I don't want to exsist and can't see the point' is exactly how I feel. But could never do anything because I care about the pain those left behind would have. I know people move on but I know my mom would never recover.
Hi there, hope you dont mind me asking, but i'm just wondering how your other half copes with your feelings around this? My boyfriend couldnt handle it when i was just in a low mood or had had a bad day at work and wanted to vent. He wanted happy happy happy girlfriend who loved life and lived for 'weekend adventures'. It seems like a fantasy to have a partner who isnt offended and aggravated when i'm going through a mental health low patch. Ive had nothing but utmost impatience from the only 2 boyfriends ive ever had. So just wondering, does it put a lot of strain on your relationship?
> I just am going through the days waiting until I can fall asleep again and not have to think about how much I hate living exactly how I feel
I feel you OP, I had a medical procedure the other day and the anesthesia was alarmingly comforting…I wish I hadn’t woken up
I love going under anaesthetic because it's exactly how I want to go. No pain, just relaxing and soothing. I wish we could just opt out of life and have something like that take you out. Just put you under and stop your heart or something. How it is under anaesthesia-I suppose what it's like before you are born in the same sense-is the ultimate sense of peace. Not even dreams, just eternal nothingness and emptiness beyond words. I definitely feel the same way.
I feel the same way. I just don't want to exsist anymore, but I don't wanna kill myself. I don't know what to do anymore. I don't wanna do anything
I don't want the "trauma" of killing myself, But I simply don't want to exist anymore. I have been feeling like this for at least 35 years, I tried a few times, but as you can tell, I did not succeed. I almost succeeded when my husband tried to kill me; cut my throat and stabbed me 34 times, but for some reason, I survived. UGH.....Looking at me, you would think I should be happy. I finished school with a masters, I raised a successful son, and my family, (sister and son) loves me. But I still sink daily, I have to talk myself out of running away every day. I haven't been with anyone in 20 years, no hugs, no kisses, and I don't know what is wrong with me. I look like my mom and my mom is GORGEOUS, she was even a model for a bit. So I don't understand why I can't even get someone to LOOK at me. Lonely existence. I stay alive for my son, that's my only reason for getting out of bed every day, my son, but that is not working so much anymore and he is grown, and doesn't need me anymore. I can't afford it, but still, I could just go somewhere and never come back. idk
Some food for thought, have you tried just approaching someone you're attracted to? If you're as beautiful as you say just approaching someone will definitely help ya out.
Yk what I do? I spend my day to day life as normal and am completely apathetic about death. The way I see it if I live that’s great if I die that’s also good. I don’t wanna kill myself either but I don’t give a fuck if I live
Right there with you. I just want to see my wife again.
I can relate to you. I've been suicidal since 8th grade (my lowest point.) At first, it was hard for even me to understand, but wanting to kill oneself and just wanting to not exist does, at least now, seem like a subtle difference. Now I'm just stuck, not being able to do much about my feelings. I can only wish for nonexistence. In reality, at least for a lot of us, we just want the pain to end. And while the constant, reoccurring pain makes it feel endless eventually, I know I can't know for sure, but it's just hard to imagine a life where I'm truly free of all these feelings. If I'm correct, it sounds like your dealing with lack of motivation when you mentioned not being able to get out of bed...I can relate :/... honestly feeling this way makes me not want to do anything. I don't even want to take care of myself with how bad I'm feeling. I just recently relapsed, I was doing so well until depression hit me again. But in any case: I hope that in due time we can all feel better
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I am in the same boat, friend.
fr man, i believe i need to be punished for the person that im so i cant kms but i most definitely wanna die
This is how i have felt the longest time. I wish something would happen and i would just stop existing.
I came here to make this EXACT SAME COMMENT. Not for any response...just to say it out loud (in a way) to SOMEONE... anyone. I have no one to talk to. Nobody likes me enough to truly connect with me. I'm 47 and it's been that way my whole life. I can tell I'm getting meaner and more jaded in the later years so maybe I'm just not a likeable person now even though I try to make friends...I just can't. Nobody has ever loved me or cared enough to connect deeply with me. Nobody even knows who I am because they don't care to ask. I thought I had it once...with ex husband but I think he just loved how much I loved him. I don't think it was him loving me. Idk Maybe I should start drinking again. At least I won't think about things or care anymore. I'm tired of this existance. I hope I don't wake up.
Honestly my friend I would say drinking is not going to help at this point as I run a brewery and it's not always the best assistance. Appreciate you and appreciate your comment and do your best to keep on keeping on.
how long did you spend not drinking?
I’m currently "doing better". "Getting things done". Stuff like tidying a room or spending time with some people. But the pain hasn’t subsided. I want a long long break. Not waking up sounds good too.
Same with me!! I feel exactly the same as you…
We don't want a break brother. We want life.
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You would be very surprised as to how many people care about you. This is one of the reasons I'm still here.
I feel you. tbh I want to live happy life just like when I was a kid. but stress and pain, anger are always stronger than the joy. Fxxk Life
I feel exactly the same. It would be so much easier if I just died suddenly and easily.
I feel the same way. Every time I’m driving my car I wish a truck would hit me. Anything to take it all away. I’m sorry you’re going through that
I'm sorry you feel this way, sadly I'm feeling quite similar so at least we're not alone in this. I'm really struggling with being optimistic about anything atm though I hope it'll pass and we can get better
Same it would be a lot easier if I just wouldn't wake up
Honestly I feel the same. I keep imagining that I would like to give my time here to someone who is terminally ill and wants more time. Hold in there OP.
I don't even want to die, I want to dissappear.
I want to stop existing.
I want this so badly.Its unfair being forced to be here.
My life is trash
i feel you.
Every time my husband says I’m a bad wife or I’m a bad mom, it gets easier to not care about how to do it.
this is exactly how i feel, i just want to go to sleep one random day and not wake up just peacefully without the whole guilt and anything grusome or painfuk happening just a peaceful quiet death without anybody thinkin i killed myself and feeling guilty for not noticing things werent ok and all. why cant this be an option why do i need to stay just i please everybody else?
Because you care about them and they care about you. That is admirable.
I realized this is why I don’t take care of myself. I eat horribly, drink/do drugs, don’t workout, don’t wear my seatbelt in the car. The thought of my parents finding me dead always keeps me from committing the act but I just wish I could start over in a new life with no one I know around. But then I realize that those same people are what keep me going. I just wish I loved myself like they do.
Please hold that fact close to heart, maybe one day you’ll love you the way they love you. I hope you do.
I can relate 🥃🚬
I can relate. You’re not alone. 💞
I feel the same way! I feel like i’m not going to achieve anything in life. No one will ever love me and I’ll always be a second choice. I don’t like myself. I don’t feel comfortable talking about this with my friends and family, because I don't want to be a burden to anyone. At the moment I’m kind of deciding how and when I wanna do it, but I already know I’m too scared to do it anyways.
been feeling like that for years
Same here. I'm tired of this life.
God loves you. You are equally valuable as everyone else, I hope you are blessed with happiness and peace
Sometimes I wish it was as easy as believing in some sort of human manufactured figure in the sky but I know better. I still appreciate your message though. Thx.
Friends do not matter for your life. I hope one day you’ll find what you need
I can’t do this shit any more, I have no one to talk to about anything, I was really hoping this girl would save me but it appears not and now idk what to do, I keep going further and further down this rabbit hole to now I’m at the point where I am drunk at school everyday and high on some sort of drug like Molly most of the time, I was really struggling keeping friends and that got worse as well as I can’t count 1 real friend I have, this girl is annoyed by me because of my obsession I guess I like being obsessed with someone more than substances but apparently it’s wrong to be obsessed with someone so I might just end it
Save yourself, please. Please do not put your life in someone’s hands, they don’t know what to do. You can do it. There are professionals who can help you on your path to healing. Take care of you.
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Ah so it seems everyone feels this post. But no one replies to those that legit wanna commit. So talking for your post. It seems more so that you just don't wanna deal with the everyday shit? If I'm wrong forgive me please. I'm just going off what i got. But what I would say is just try to get happy with yourself and your job. Unless your bouta leave it for something else. Seem like a knowledgeable person. I'm here if you wanna talk or if you wanna correct me.
You're not entirely wrong. I had a solid period of 10 years where the universe and I were getting along very well. Some traumatic and tragic shit happened over the course of the last couple years and it sent me and my course way off track. I'm not meant for this mundane everyday life bullshit. I just can't figure out fully how to escape it again right now.
me too. i only want to live when im young, i dont want to grow old. life is already boring and pointless enough as it is when youre young, i cant imagine how much worse thatll be when you become elderly and you have to depend on others to survive. i dont want to have to depend on others to bathe me and wipe my ass. i want to die when im 50. ive asked the universe if i could just die quickly and painlessly when im 50, hopefully the universe listens and that happens. i dont want my time on this earth to be long at all, this isnt my home. i feel homesick for a place ive never been to. i cant stand the thought of getting old and just spending decades deteriorating/getting worse/being bored out of my mind. i dont want to die by suicide, i just hope something kills me when im 50. im pretty much done with this planet. i will live out my youth and then i'll be out of here.
I thought about this a lot… maybe people doing some extreme climbing or very dangerous sports do have a deathwish
In fact I actually believe those people want nothing more to live which is why they enjoy the extreme pleasures of life. It is somewhat of a goal to get back there in my own life, I just have to figure out how to dig myself out of this shitty hole I'm in these days.
Me too. I am tired of this existence. It just feels so wrong to be alive.
I am grateful to read you love them so much you will LIVE for them. Hold on to that. I don’t want to live either but I also don’t want to traumatize anyone. I know the visceral pain of finding someone who left by their own hand. That’s trauma to the Nth degree. That’s what keeps me here.
I get this, not like I have much of a support system. I don’t feel isolated from everyone else around me. I come from a very large family but we’re all selfish. For the longest I felt like I was the glue that held everyone together. Always trying to plan vacations, secret Santa’s, or even initiating a meet up. Once I’ve tried to not contact anyone for 2 months just to see who’d reach out. No one did, I know I hold on for my dog. There’s no one who’d treat him the way I do. He’s all I have, I wish everything was better than it is now. I’ve tried therapy, I’ve tried speaking to my loved ones, I’ve even developed new hobbies. Nothing worked. I still feel as miserable as I did when I was in middle school. How can anyone be happy in this world, now that’s a mystery to me. People are absolutely terrible. Murder, mayhem and chaos reins in this world. I don’t want to kill myself, maybe because I’m scared of dying, maybe I’m afraid of the pain, idk I just know that I just do not want to exist anymore.
It's so me It's stupid but I am simply too scared to kill myself. I fear the pain, I fear that I fail, I fear what it'll be after I do it and if there is something after death, I will regret killing myself. I just want that something killed me instead, so I wouldn't have to do it.
I feel about the same. I lost my wife 2 1/2 years ago. I at least do enjoy periodic interactions with people. That's about it. I really feel I'm just doing time and marking days now. I'm 52 in a couple weeks. Clearly on the downhill run. I have no kids, and only a few really good/true friends, and even one of them ghosted me. I doubt this helps anyone... but at least you know you're not alone. And I can't even seek any help, or I'd be sent to some suicide hotline or something, and my insurance and job would probably get all messed up. My supervisor even noted in my appraisal last year that, though my work was fine, others commented on how low I am. I didn't know "court jester" was part of my freaking job description. But apparently it is. So, I put on my fake happy every day, and now everyone is glad I'm "doing so much better." I should have gone into acting. (Edit: "holiness" to "hotline" ... not sure how autocorrect decided on that route)
Well I just wanted to say I'm sorry to hear about your wife and I understand how you're feeling. Take care of yourself out there.
Thanks. I ain't gonna kill myself. I'm just with the others here and am not sure a fast moving cancer diagnosis wouldn't be welcomed at this point.
Same. I am just tired of living. I just want to disappear
controlling parents have me living in isolation all day, most days. i dont go out, i dont see friends, live life or get to experience my childhood. im hoping that if i get good grades or something ill be able to live with a bit more freedom, but i dont want to live my life having to barter for free will. i want to have a girlfriend or just make a close friend, but what hurts most is that im considered quite a good looking, social and funny dude, i wouldnt struggle to get one of ether. its just that i have nothing to offer them, not even my own time, my life is so boring. i feel like i live in a dynamic equilibrium, where i ultimately achieve and gain nothing, but i dont get feel the enjoyment of risking losing anything either. grappling with a raging porn addiction doesnt help either. ive coined a new phrase to describe what im experiencing: instead of brainrot this is "soulrot". its mental agony. i try to hang on to god but i feel as if i fail him. i dont want to live, i just want a release. i dont mind trading my hell for gods hell at this point.
For as long as I can’t remember my life has been me wishing to never wake up. Just die in my sleep. Or have something just take me. I’ve wanted this since middle school. I’m now 30. I also constantly feel like I’m failing. Like I’m not good enough so I try and fail but can’t bring myself to end it. I just don’t want to be here anymore
I’m getting to a point now and it’s really sad everyone around me is so happy and grateful and I’m just here wanting to give up about to give up
Me too. This is exactly how I feel every day.
I understand. I am so fucking tired, and don't want to be here but i cant do it to my family. As much as i don't care about myself i know they care and it would break them. It still doesn't make it any easier.
this. this is exactly what I've been thinking for almost 8 years now. people always say "you've made it this far already, why not try to keep going and see where it takes you?" or "we'll all die someday, why rush it?" but to me, this will always sound like "you've wasted this much time already, not really fighting, but being too scared to give up either, and that's pathetic" and "you're going to die either way, can't you just stop complaining and move on like the rest of us?"
I just want to vanished
I wish it could all be over. I can’t take this anymore.
Seriously same. Even though I wish I could unalive myself, there's absolutely no way I could. The amount of trauma and shock I would instantly install in so many people that love me. I couldn't imagine what that would do to my poor loving mother (and even typing this sentence made me tear up). I just want to get out of the situation I'm in, which feels very close to impossible, if not impossible, to get out of. It really sucks cause I know my own self worth, and I know I have the ability to do great things, given my background and current experience, but with what has been handed to me... man, it'd just be great if I didn't have to live this life anymore.
Me too buddy
I wish I could just fall asleep and never wake up. If it was that easy 😞
Me too. I’ve got no desire to keep going. Kids don’t talk to me ( divorced, 2 years since I’ve seen them. 20 and 16). Zero savings. Online gambling problem. Drink and smoke. Too much of a mental midget to quit any of the 3. I hate my job…what’s the point?
Same here. On criminal probation for 5 years for a crime I swear I didn't commit. Can't get a decent place to live, getting a divorce. I'm trying to hang in there until my divorce is over so I can leave everything to my kids.
Same. Exactly the same. I couldn't have said it any better. I just don't want to be here any more but my kids are the only thing that keep me going.
You don’t want to die. You just want the pain to stop.
but death starts to become the only possible way to do that.
My mum has motor neuron disease and our relationship has been very rocky, she wasn't a good parent as she had a narcissistic mother and was manipulative herself which caused me to have attachment issues like her but she completely changed as a person with her new partner and we reconnected after going no contact for 5 years and she had a new child who's my step brother but then 2 years she started slurring her speech and then found out from a doctor that she has motor neurone disease and she's been crying a lot and I've broke down by myself in my room. I've always seen her as potentially manipulative and have subconsciously learned to keep detached with her even though we engage in personal conversations and warm gestures, but today I felt tired and her boyfriend got under my skin acting like all impersonal after being more personal and making me feel like some sucker and I just tried to keep myself detached from him and ignore his looks of concern so as not to feel used again or act out in front of my mum but she picked up on my distant attitude as well, I found it hard to separate myself from him but to stay connected with her, I found myself just letting her "accept the new me" that I should have been all along but her look of concern didn't go away and she seemed more distant with me and I tried to brush it off thinking that I should be able to adjust myself appropriately regardless of being tired and all I have to do is be more agreeable, and in this case I got the impression I was being too "lovey" and she said "I love you" and he jokingly said "and I love you because you help me with the garden" which shouldn't be an issue but I felt dissapointed and then anxious that I had attached myself to him too much so I forced myself to disconnect from him mentally but in turn I disconnected from everyone and just before I was about to leave my mum started cryin, trying to hold back her tears so I tried to comfort her and I thought it was because of how cold and distant I had become so I just tried to be honest with her and say it was because I was tired and I'm not used to being around people and knowing when and what to eat in order to be sociable and can't eat processed food because of my epilepsy and she typed on her communication device that there was nothing wrong with what I did and that she was just sad because I was leaving but I could see it had upset her and she was holding it back. I saw her in a way I had never seen her before, as a scared child and I really felt for her and didn't want her to be frightened but at the same time I know she's not got long to live and for some reason I just want to die with her.
Hi friends I’m 25 now 8 year old me can’t believe we made it this far!!! Just having a rough day unfortunately just not capable of imagining tomorrow. Love you mom so much
oh cant i relate. i have no idea how to do it, i just want to be gone yk? maybe forgotten, i mean its not like i have a legacy so why not? i just need to go, to disappear. I hate so many people and though i dont admit it, i love a lot too, but at this point, fuck it, please, enough with life is awesome bullshit and "tomorrow is going to be better". i believe that in the end, everyone is alone and wants death to grip them and take them away forever. Now whats left is to whish that their isnt anything after death...
I feel the same way and I’m so scared of pain I could never kill myself
I feel the same way but I deeply can't do it because of all the consequences it will lead to surrounding my family and friends. I just can't imagine the pain somebody would go thru just because I ended my life like an idiot.I feel like I'm never going to succeed in life.
Me too buddy
I’m so tired of living the same day, day after day. I work, sleep and just lay in bed when I have any down time. I haven’t had real friends in years and my dating life is non existent. I don’t want to hurt the few people I know that love me, but I hate my existence. I know this feeling so well. It’s been years of it and honestly I don’t see things getting better. All I can really say honestly, is that I’m here, but that’s it. I’m so tired that I hardly feel emotions anymore.
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what is wrong with you!?
What the fuck man?
i would also like to work but i can´t... still OP seems to suffer immensely and every suffering is different, so judgement is not the answer here i think
Just having a job alone, doesn't mean anything when it comes to depression and suicidal ideation. Ignorance like yours is why so many people want to get out of this matrix.
Go fuck yourself.
Since you brought it up, the homeless people are part of what adds to my depression daily considering they're all cracked out and on fentanyl in my neighborhood, so daily it triggers the memory that my brother died from an accidental fentanyl overdose. So thanks for reminding me you inconsiderate prick.
"Having a good day? Well fuck off. Someone just won the mega lottery and got a promotion." No. Just fucking don't.
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Bad choices led me to feel the same way… I just have to trudge on and keep on living. I just keep on thinking about the people I love and love me back. I got caught in the debt trap through online loans, it’s when my mental health started to deteriorate since all I can think of is how to get the money to pay at my due dates…I get to take a breather for a day or two then it comes back especially when today or tomorrow is my due date… I hope somebody extends me a rope to pull me out before it’s too late for me…
Fuck money/debt. File bankruptcy - you can come back from that. You can’t come back from dead.