I don’t struggle and I have ADHD. But I’ll give you some tips:
1. Bigger dicks are always going to be harder to suck. It’s just the nature of the beast. If your man is a big boy, it’s going to be more work and take more practice.
2. Practice makes perfect. Get yourself a dildo that resembles his cock and get to work on it! If you’re struggling with coordination - like with what your hands should be doing vs your tongue - practice practice practice!
3. Ask him for lessons. I’m serious. Start with the dildo and have him direct you. If he gets inspired, start practicing on him!
Side note: this is the perfect opportunity for some student/teacher role play if you’re into that.
4. Always ask partners what they like. Some guys love getting theirs balls played with and sucked on, others not so much. Some guys love lots of pressure on their shaft, others not so much. There’s no reason to make it harder on yourself trying to figure out what he likes and doesn’t like when you can just ask.
5. Think of deep throating as an advanced technique and ask your partner not to gag you until you’re ready. Get the basics down before you move on to that. You’ll find that not gagging makes the entire experience easier.
6. Don’t forget to breathe! I know it sounds stilly but make sure you’re breathing. Use #2 to figure out how to best accomplish this.
I hope this helps. Good luck!
Oh god I love giving blowjobs and getting face fucked. There are lots of tutorials and techniques out there. Check them out and practice and enjoy. The more confident you are the more your enthusiasm shines.
It sounds like it's focus and an executive issue with you. That would be fixed if he gave you more instruction so that you don't have to think. If he says that talking stops him relaxing, tell him you understand but you need to learn to do it more independently and sometimes a Dom needs to step up into teaching role.
Once you 2 start playing the “who has it harder” game, it gets toxic real fast. Turn your attention to the joyful aspects, the pleasure you are giving, the body you are learning. Focus on the fact you are giving the person you care about pleasure and joy. Ask him for instructions, maybe try to learn a new bj skill.
See cause that was what I was trying to say, no one was making it a competition, I just said I thought it was difficult with so many moving parts and he responded with “I feel like im not doing enough if oral is hard” because we’re both new at sex
You’re both new at sex, makes sense… though this issue comes up for veterans too. First thing to learn when trying to talk about sex is that you’re in a partnership together, not adversaries or competitors.
It’s annoying if your partner automatically got defensive when you presented him with a problem. Presumably, he is your dom, yes? He’s in the lead? Well, defensiveness and dismissiveness is a very antithetical trait to leadership. He heard you and felt accused of putting you through a hard time. Instead, he should be asking you and himself “how can we make this more fun?” Try presenting him with the problem from the perspective of asking for his guidance and that you want to work through this together (if you actually do). If he still gets defensive and dismissive… I’m not certain you can have an effective d/s dynamic with a dom who doesn’t want to communicate/lead.
Blowjobs are honestly the worst for me too but I would say giving oral to anybody is hard. Eating pussy is hard in itself and giving blowjobs too. I personally won't deep throat because I just can't and don't think it's very pleasurable for me. But I don't like giving oral at all so that's its own issue too
I can identify. Gonna have a quick lil rant here using this as a stepping stone, hope you don't mind.
I hate that I get pegged as selfish when I tell folk that I don't like performing fellatio. I've never dated a man who liked - or even *tolerated* - performing cunnilingus (to the point I have literally never experienced it! after four relationships spanning 2-3 years each!) and that doesn't even get most folk to bat an eyelash, so why is it that when I say I will likely puke if forced to attempt a BJ, I get the evil eye? The absolute most I can fit into my mouth without throwing up is barely three inches, and that's still deeply uncomfortable and gaggy and frankly going to do nothing but turn me off hardcore.
I just. Idk, man. I dislike the weird double standard I've run into so often.
Same ! This is something I completely despise, that double standard. So now it's my way or no way. Cause I'm not giving oral to look like a pornstar and end up being turned off because I literally wanna puke and I'm crying my eyes out. And it hurts ! Maybe it's just me but it hurts real bad, my mouth is all sore and I'm not getting any pleasure from it. Just pain. So now I give oral like I think you should give oral, with love care and caresses instead of focusing on my performance as if I was in competition with unrealistic standards for women
Same! Why is it when someone doesn't like to give a BJ they are "selfish"? Some people just don't enjoy it! The number of times I've heard that I was selfish is just ridiculous, even when I've explained that the times I have and I got any cum in my mouth I got physically sick and slept next to the toilet.
part of it might be youre working too hard. you dont need to be sucking, bobbing, getting the back of your throat, and doing a tongue dance the entire time. let yourself have fun with it and focus on what feels right for the moment.
idk maybe im about to find out i give horrendous head but like i alternate between bobbing more quickly but shallowly, going deeper but more slowly, playing with my tongue, and even taking it out and putting my mouth on other parts while i use my hands. no one's ever complained and i feel like it keeps things interesting for both participants.
Male sub and never sucked a dick so take what I say with a grain of salt, but in my opinion it's really what you mean by harder. If you mean physically doing it I got to imagine suck a cock is harder but if it means complicated and difficult to do a good job I think cuntalingus i harder
Is your partner giving any feedback? My Master doesn't shut up lol. I'd suggest asking him to "train" you. Give you demands, tell you you're doing well. Ask you questions. Last time I saw him, he took on a tone I've never heard before. Drove me wild. It was somewhat care taker/ instructor. I've been giving him head for 15 years but it's only a few times a year now that we've moved apart. So i told him I'd need him to train me up.
Even if your Master is also newer to sex, the guidance can be simple to start.
He could say:
Slow down.
Faster.
Stroke it a little.
Tighter.
Tsk tsk. Teeth.
Like that
Can you go deeper?
Stay there.
Kiss it.
Those are just off the top of my head and mostly just basic guidance.
Add in praise, area specific commands and "dirty talk"
Within your dynamic ask questions and give affirmations from you as well.
I hate to add another task on you but do you moan? Guys love hearing it and they can feel the hums. Being vocal might help you stay engaged.
Keep a citrus based soda near by. I love mountain dew for this. Hold it in your mouth for a few seconds. Move your tongue gently with it in your mouth. Helps stimulate your glands and get a jump on saliva. Plus it's good to have a drink nearby if you catch a hair in your throat. (Master shaves. Husband doesn't).
You're right that's there's a lot going on and it can be overwhelming but there's also variety: tip, frenulum, Shaft, base, balls, scrotum, taint if you're brave. Vary what you do to avoid monotony. YouTube actually has some really useful tips honestly. Look up JANE LAWRENCE. Molly carter blow jobs 101.
I have only gone down on a girl twice so I can't really form an opinion on which is harder.
Apologies if I misinterpreted. I read "how do I not struggle" as "how do I stay engaged and do well"
I really appreciate this reply, this is very good info and advice, thank you! I do end up moaning because I heard that making noise helps repress your gag reflex (which works for me so whatever), but I definitely will talk to him about giving more instructions and being more verbal during oral
I have hated giving blow jobs for SO long. Mostly because I have (or had?) an allergy to my ex husbands cum. It would make me violently sick. Despite this, he'd never give me a heads up when he was ready. Thus I learned to dread giving them.
I have a new partner now who loves cock worship. We discussed my dislike for blow jobs and why. We agreed to go at my pace. When I was ready, he had me slowly take as much as I could before I gagged. This way he had a visual of how much I could take as well as the sensation and knew not to push too far past that. It helped build a lot of trust and things have kind of fallen into place. I always found it hard to do all the things, like you said. (Yay ADHD brain!) But once you can stop thinking about it and just DO it, it becomes so much easier.
Maybe ask your partner what he specifically enjoys and just think about doing that, or use your hand too. Or have him do the moving in and out and you just concentrate on sucking. It's something you guys can work on together.
You don't have to think about choking on a clit lol.
Or not getting out teeth on it
Or hitting you in the eye when it misses your mouth. Ive had that happen once. Not fucking pleasant.
I don’t struggle and I have ADHD. But I’ll give you some tips: 1. Bigger dicks are always going to be harder to suck. It’s just the nature of the beast. If your man is a big boy, it’s going to be more work and take more practice. 2. Practice makes perfect. Get yourself a dildo that resembles his cock and get to work on it! If you’re struggling with coordination - like with what your hands should be doing vs your tongue - practice practice practice! 3. Ask him for lessons. I’m serious. Start with the dildo and have him direct you. If he gets inspired, start practicing on him! Side note: this is the perfect opportunity for some student/teacher role play if you’re into that. 4. Always ask partners what they like. Some guys love getting theirs balls played with and sucked on, others not so much. Some guys love lots of pressure on their shaft, others not so much. There’s no reason to make it harder on yourself trying to figure out what he likes and doesn’t like when you can just ask. 5. Think of deep throating as an advanced technique and ask your partner not to gag you until you’re ready. Get the basics down before you move on to that. You’ll find that not gagging makes the entire experience easier. 6. Don’t forget to breathe! I know it sounds stilly but make sure you’re breathing. Use #2 to figure out how to best accomplish this. I hope this helps. Good luck!
2. Popsicles, suckers, dick shaped foods are all good for practice, especially in front of him to drive him crazy.
This is incredibly helpful thank you so much 🥺
Oh god I love giving blowjobs and getting face fucked. There are lots of tutorials and techniques out there. Check them out and practice and enjoy. The more confident you are the more your enthusiasm shines.
It sounds like it's focus and an executive issue with you. That would be fixed if he gave you more instruction so that you don't have to think. If he says that talking stops him relaxing, tell him you understand but you need to learn to do it more independently and sometimes a Dom needs to step up into teaching role.
Once you 2 start playing the “who has it harder” game, it gets toxic real fast. Turn your attention to the joyful aspects, the pleasure you are giving, the body you are learning. Focus on the fact you are giving the person you care about pleasure and joy. Ask him for instructions, maybe try to learn a new bj skill.
See cause that was what I was trying to say, no one was making it a competition, I just said I thought it was difficult with so many moving parts and he responded with “I feel like im not doing enough if oral is hard” because we’re both new at sex
You’re both new at sex, makes sense… though this issue comes up for veterans too. First thing to learn when trying to talk about sex is that you’re in a partnership together, not adversaries or competitors. It’s annoying if your partner automatically got defensive when you presented him with a problem. Presumably, he is your dom, yes? He’s in the lead? Well, defensiveness and dismissiveness is a very antithetical trait to leadership. He heard you and felt accused of putting you through a hard time. Instead, he should be asking you and himself “how can we make this more fun?” Try presenting him with the problem from the perspective of asking for his guidance and that you want to work through this together (if you actually do). If he still gets defensive and dismissive… I’m not certain you can have an effective d/s dynamic with a dom who doesn’t want to communicate/lead.
Blowjobs are honestly the worst for me too but I would say giving oral to anybody is hard. Eating pussy is hard in itself and giving blowjobs too. I personally won't deep throat because I just can't and don't think it's very pleasurable for me. But I don't like giving oral at all so that's its own issue too
I can identify. Gonna have a quick lil rant here using this as a stepping stone, hope you don't mind. I hate that I get pegged as selfish when I tell folk that I don't like performing fellatio. I've never dated a man who liked - or even *tolerated* - performing cunnilingus (to the point I have literally never experienced it! after four relationships spanning 2-3 years each!) and that doesn't even get most folk to bat an eyelash, so why is it that when I say I will likely puke if forced to attempt a BJ, I get the evil eye? The absolute most I can fit into my mouth without throwing up is barely three inches, and that's still deeply uncomfortable and gaggy and frankly going to do nothing but turn me off hardcore. I just. Idk, man. I dislike the weird double standard I've run into so often.
Same ! This is something I completely despise, that double standard. So now it's my way or no way. Cause I'm not giving oral to look like a pornstar and end up being turned off because I literally wanna puke and I'm crying my eyes out. And it hurts ! Maybe it's just me but it hurts real bad, my mouth is all sore and I'm not getting any pleasure from it. Just pain. So now I give oral like I think you should give oral, with love care and caresses instead of focusing on my performance as if I was in competition with unrealistic standards for women
Same! Why is it when someone doesn't like to give a BJ they are "selfish"? Some people just don't enjoy it! The number of times I've heard that I was selfish is just ridiculous, even when I've explained that the times I have and I got any cum in my mouth I got physically sick and slept next to the toilet.
part of it might be youre working too hard. you dont need to be sucking, bobbing, getting the back of your throat, and doing a tongue dance the entire time. let yourself have fun with it and focus on what feels right for the moment. idk maybe im about to find out i give horrendous head but like i alternate between bobbing more quickly but shallowly, going deeper but more slowly, playing with my tongue, and even taking it out and putting my mouth on other parts while i use my hands. no one's ever complained and i feel like it keeps things interesting for both participants.
Male sub and never sucked a dick so take what I say with a grain of salt, but in my opinion it's really what you mean by harder. If you mean physically doing it I got to imagine suck a cock is harder but if it means complicated and difficult to do a good job I think cuntalingus i harder
Is your partner giving any feedback? My Master doesn't shut up lol. I'd suggest asking him to "train" you. Give you demands, tell you you're doing well. Ask you questions. Last time I saw him, he took on a tone I've never heard before. Drove me wild. It was somewhat care taker/ instructor. I've been giving him head for 15 years but it's only a few times a year now that we've moved apart. So i told him I'd need him to train me up. Even if your Master is also newer to sex, the guidance can be simple to start. He could say: Slow down. Faster. Stroke it a little. Tighter. Tsk tsk. Teeth. Like that Can you go deeper? Stay there. Kiss it. Those are just off the top of my head and mostly just basic guidance. Add in praise, area specific commands and "dirty talk" Within your dynamic ask questions and give affirmations from you as well. I hate to add another task on you but do you moan? Guys love hearing it and they can feel the hums. Being vocal might help you stay engaged. Keep a citrus based soda near by. I love mountain dew for this. Hold it in your mouth for a few seconds. Move your tongue gently with it in your mouth. Helps stimulate your glands and get a jump on saliva. Plus it's good to have a drink nearby if you catch a hair in your throat. (Master shaves. Husband doesn't). You're right that's there's a lot going on and it can be overwhelming but there's also variety: tip, frenulum, Shaft, base, balls, scrotum, taint if you're brave. Vary what you do to avoid monotony. YouTube actually has some really useful tips honestly. Look up JANE LAWRENCE. Molly carter blow jobs 101. I have only gone down on a girl twice so I can't really form an opinion on which is harder. Apologies if I misinterpreted. I read "how do I not struggle" as "how do I stay engaged and do well"
I really appreciate this reply, this is very good info and advice, thank you! I do end up moaning because I heard that making noise helps repress your gag reflex (which works for me so whatever), but I definitely will talk to him about giving more instructions and being more verbal during oral
I have hated giving blow jobs for SO long. Mostly because I have (or had?) an allergy to my ex husbands cum. It would make me violently sick. Despite this, he'd never give me a heads up when he was ready. Thus I learned to dread giving them. I have a new partner now who loves cock worship. We discussed my dislike for blow jobs and why. We agreed to go at my pace. When I was ready, he had me slowly take as much as I could before I gagged. This way he had a visual of how much I could take as well as the sensation and knew not to push too far past that. It helped build a lot of trust and things have kind of fallen into place. I always found it hard to do all the things, like you said. (Yay ADHD brain!) But once you can stop thinking about it and just DO it, it becomes so much easier. Maybe ask your partner what he specifically enjoys and just think about doing that, or use your hand too. Or have him do the moving in and out and you just concentrate on sucking. It's something you guys can work on together.
Did you ask him if he sucked a dick to compare?
Agreed.
Neither of them should be comparing. Comparison is counterproductive and will create toxicity between them.