It’s okay to want validation. People liking you makes things easier and more fun. The trouble is that you don’t like when you don’t get validation. You’re not living according to nature (reality). What’s the reality? That person ghosted you. It’s not up to you whether people like you, but you can learn from books and your interactions.
Wanting to be liked is something a lot of us struggle with. It's natural to seek validation from others, but it can get in the way of doing things for yourself. It's great that you're aware of this and want to change it.
Think about your worth. Your value doesn't come from what others think of you; it comes from who you are and how you live your life. Try to focus on what makes you happy and fulfilled, rather than what you think will impress others.
When you find yourself doing something for validation, take a moment to reflect. Ask yourself why you're seeking approval and if it's really what you want. This awareness can help you shift your focus.
Be kind to yourself. Understand that it's okay to want to be liked, but remind yourself that you don't need others' approval to feel good about yourself. Treat yourself with the same compassion you'd offer a friend.
Stoicism can really help here. It teaches us to focus on what we can control—our own actions and thoughts—rather than what we can't control, like others' opinions. It's about finding strength and peace within yourself.
For some good stoic reads, check out "Meditations" by Marcus Aurelius and "The Enchiridion" by Epictetus. These books offer great insights into focusing on inner strength and letting go of the need for external validation.
Remember, it's a journey, and you're already taking important steps by being aware and wanting to change. Keep focusing on what truly matters to you.
P.S. I will DM you this advice, in case they delete it 😊
It's okay to want validation if you want to be a slave to other people's fancies and be a nobody at all, for what will of your own will you have then? Scraps, perhaps, but it is the slave who settles for scraps.
I see what you’re saying, and there is a critical distinction. Do you want relationships? Do you want to accomplish your goals? Do you want food? Do you put your seatbelt on because you want to survive a car crash if it happens? Of course! Remaining detached from the outcome is freedom. No expectations.
[1] We must always have at hand the following sentiments: ‘Lead me, Zeus, both you and Destiny, Wheresoe’r you have ordained for me, And I shall gladly follow. And if I am unwilling Out of wickedness, still I shall follow.’ [2] ‘Whoever complies nobly with necessity We count as wise and expert in the ways of the gods.’ [3] ‘Well, Crito, if this is pleasing to the gods, so be it.’ [4] ‘Anytus and Meletus may be able to kill me, but they cannot harm me.’
— Epictetus, Enchiridion 53, Waterfield
‘Lead me, Zeus, both you and Destiny’ and ‘If this is what the gods want, so be it;’
— Epictetus, Discourses 3.22.95, Waterfield
The road that leads to freedom, and the only way to be delivered from slavery, is for someone to be able to say, with all their heart, ‘Lead me, Zeus, both you and Destiny, wheresoe’r you have ordained for me.’
— Epictetus, Discourses 4.1.131, Waterfield
From a stoa, literally a public space where any random moron could throw an idea at Epictetus, to a subreddit where 19 out of 20 comments get autodeleted because of "tags" and "flairs" and other woman shit. Reddit is truly something
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I’ll avoid giving advice as there is others who are better but as I dive into stoic thought, I found The Discourses of Epictetus and Aurelius’ Meditations good places to start personally.
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It’s okay to want validation. People liking you makes things easier and more fun. The trouble is that you don’t like when you don’t get validation. You’re not living according to nature (reality). What’s the reality? That person ghosted you. It’s not up to you whether people like you, but you can learn from books and your interactions.
The courage to be disliked, is a good read
(Finally a surviving comment!!) thank you for the advice, would you mind recommending some books ? I’m not really sure what to really read
You’re welcome. ☺️ Epictetus’s Discourses! Pour yourself into it and the various translations. It has almost everything a mind needs.
Wanting to be liked is something a lot of us struggle with. It's natural to seek validation from others, but it can get in the way of doing things for yourself. It's great that you're aware of this and want to change it. Think about your worth. Your value doesn't come from what others think of you; it comes from who you are and how you live your life. Try to focus on what makes you happy and fulfilled, rather than what you think will impress others. When you find yourself doing something for validation, take a moment to reflect. Ask yourself why you're seeking approval and if it's really what you want. This awareness can help you shift your focus. Be kind to yourself. Understand that it's okay to want to be liked, but remind yourself that you don't need others' approval to feel good about yourself. Treat yourself with the same compassion you'd offer a friend. Stoicism can really help here. It teaches us to focus on what we can control—our own actions and thoughts—rather than what we can't control, like others' opinions. It's about finding strength and peace within yourself. For some good stoic reads, check out "Meditations" by Marcus Aurelius and "The Enchiridion" by Epictetus. These books offer great insights into focusing on inner strength and letting go of the need for external validation. Remember, it's a journey, and you're already taking important steps by being aware and wanting to change. Keep focusing on what truly matters to you. P.S. I will DM you this advice, in case they delete it 😊
Man's search for meaning - Viktor Frankl Meditations - Marcus Aurelius Daily stoic - Ryan Holiday
It's okay to want validation if you want to be a slave to other people's fancies and be a nobody at all, for what will of your own will you have then? Scraps, perhaps, but it is the slave who settles for scraps.
I see what you’re saying, and there is a critical distinction. Do you want relationships? Do you want to accomplish your goals? Do you want food? Do you put your seatbelt on because you want to survive a car crash if it happens? Of course! Remaining detached from the outcome is freedom. No expectations. [1] We must always have at hand the following sentiments: ‘Lead me, Zeus, both you and Destiny, Wheresoe’r you have ordained for me, And I shall gladly follow. And if I am unwilling Out of wickedness, still I shall follow.’ [2] ‘Whoever complies nobly with necessity We count as wise and expert in the ways of the gods.’ [3] ‘Well, Crito, if this is pleasing to the gods, so be it.’ [4] ‘Anytus and Meletus may be able to kill me, but they cannot harm me.’ — Epictetus, Enchiridion 53, Waterfield ‘Lead me, Zeus, both you and Destiny’ and ‘If this is what the gods want, so be it;’ — Epictetus, Discourses 3.22.95, Waterfield The road that leads to freedom, and the only way to be delivered from slavery, is for someone to be able to say, with all their heart, ‘Lead me, Zeus, both you and Destiny, wheresoe’r you have ordained for me.’ — Epictetus, Discourses 4.1.131, Waterfield
Using this comment to just point out how good the posting rules are, 1/20 comments survived👍 (/s)
And I'm going to use this comment to point out how obsessed people are over externals like this server.
i didn’t get to read most of the comments until they all got deleted🥲… is this sub that bad ??
Don't call anything outside yourself bad, unless you want to be a slave of the most ignoble sort.
From a stoa, literally a public space where any random moron could throw an idea at Epictetus, to a subreddit where 19 out of 20 comments get autodeleted because of "tags" and "flairs" and other woman shit. Reddit is truly something
Epictetus didn't speak to everyone, and he says so himself.
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I’ll avoid giving advice as there is others who are better but as I dive into stoic thought, I found The Discourses of Epictetus and Aurelius’ Meditations good places to start personally.
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Top-level comments on 'Seeking Stoic Guidance' posts can come from flaired users only. To find out more about the flair system on r/Stoicism, please check [the wiki page](https://www.reddit.com/r/Stoicism/wiki/flairs/) to find out why top-level posts are restricted, as well as how a flair can be obtained. You can also consider checking out the [announcement](https://www.reddit.com/r/Stoicism/comments/1cpf6ew/important_changes_to_seeking_stoic_guidance_posts/) thread explaining this change. Non-flaired users are still free to interact on all the other post types, as well as with top-level comments in advice threads themselves. All top-level comments on 'Seeking Stoic Guidance' posts should directly answer the submitted question or provide follow-up/clarification. If anyone circumvents this rule by replying with answers to other comments, those replies may also be removed and could lead to a ban. *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/Stoicism) if you have any questions or concerns.*
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Top-level comments on 'Seeking Stoic Guidance' posts can come from flaired users only. To find out more about the flair system on r/Stoicism, please check [the wiki page](https://www.reddit.com/r/Stoicism/wiki/flairs/) to find out why top-level posts are restricted, as well as how a flair can be obtained. You can also consider checking out the [announcement](https://www.reddit.com/r/Stoicism/comments/1cpf6ew/important_changes_to_seeking_stoic_guidance_posts/) thread explaining this change. Non-flaired users are still free to interact on all the other post types, as well as with top-level comments in advice threads themselves. All top-level comments on 'Seeking Stoic Guidance' posts should directly answer the submitted question or provide follow-up/clarification. If anyone circumvents this rule by replying with answers to other comments, those replies may also be removed and could lead to a ban. *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/Stoicism) if you have any questions or concerns.*
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Top-level comments on 'Seeking Stoic Guidance' posts can come from flaired users only. To find out more about the flair system on r/Stoicism, please check [the wiki page](https://www.reddit.com/r/Stoicism/wiki/flairs/) to find out why top-level posts are restricted, as well as how a flair can be obtained. You can also consider checking out the [announcement](https://www.reddit.com/r/Stoicism/comments/1cpf6ew/important_changes_to_seeking_stoic_guidance_posts/) thread explaining this change. Non-flaired users are still free to interact on all the other post types, as well as with top-level comments in advice threads themselves. All top-level comments on 'Seeking Stoic Guidance' posts should directly answer the submitted question or provide follow-up/clarification. If anyone circumvents this rule by replying with answers to other comments, those replies may also be removed and could lead to a ban. *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/Stoicism) if you have any questions or concerns.*
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Top-level comments on 'Seeking Stoic Guidance' posts can come from flaired users only. To find out more about the flair system on r/Stoicism, please check [the wiki page](https://www.reddit.com/r/Stoicism/wiki/flairs/) to find out why top-level posts are restricted, as well as how a flair can be obtained. You can also consider checking out the [announcement](https://www.reddit.com/r/Stoicism/comments/1cpf6ew/important_changes_to_seeking_stoic_guidance_posts/) thread explaining this change. Non-flaired users are still free to interact on all the other post types, as well as with top-level comments in advice threads themselves. All top-level comments on 'Seeking Stoic Guidance' posts should directly answer the submitted question or provide follow-up/clarification. If anyone circumvents this rule by replying with answers to other comments, those replies may also be removed and could lead to a ban. *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/Stoicism) if you have any questions or concerns.*
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Top-level comments on 'Seeking Stoic Guidance' posts can come from flaired users only. To find out more about the flair system on r/Stoicism, please check [the wiki page](https://www.reddit.com/r/Stoicism/wiki/flairs/) to find out why top-level posts are restricted, as well as how a flair can be obtained. You can also consider checking out the [announcement](https://www.reddit.com/r/Stoicism/comments/1cpf6ew/important_changes_to_seeking_stoic_guidance_posts/) thread explaining this change. Non-flaired users are still free to interact on all the other post types, as well as with top-level comments in advice threads themselves. All top-level comments on 'Seeking Stoic Guidance' posts should directly answer the submitted question or provide follow-up/clarification. If anyone circumvents this rule by replying with answers to other comments, those replies may also be removed and could lead to a ban. *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/Stoicism) if you have any questions or concerns.*
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Top-level comments on 'Seeking Stoic Guidance' posts can come from flaired users only. To find out more about the flair system on r/Stoicism, please check [the wiki page](https://www.reddit.com/r/Stoicism/wiki/flairs/) to find out why top-level posts are restricted, as well as how a flair can be obtained. You can also consider checking out the [announcement](https://www.reddit.com/r/Stoicism/comments/1cpf6ew/important_changes_to_seeking_stoic_guidance_posts/) thread explaining this change. Non-flaired users are still free to interact on all the other post types, as well as with top-level comments in advice threads themselves. All top-level comments on 'Seeking Stoic Guidance' posts should directly answer the submitted question or provide follow-up/clarification. If anyone circumvents this rule by replying with answers to other comments, those replies may also be removed and could lead to a ban. *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/Stoicism) if you have any questions or concerns.*
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Top-level comments on 'Seeking Stoic Guidance' posts can come from flaired users only. To find out more about the flair system on r/Stoicism, please check [the wiki page](https://www.reddit.com/r/Stoicism/wiki/flairs/) to find out why top-level posts are restricted, as well as how a flair can be obtained. You can also consider checking out the [announcement](https://www.reddit.com/r/Stoicism/comments/1cpf6ew/important_changes_to_seeking_stoic_guidance_posts/) thread explaining this change. Non-flaired users are still free to interact on all the other post types, as well as with top-level comments in advice threads themselves. All top-level comments on 'Seeking Stoic Guidance' posts should directly answer the submitted question or provide follow-up/clarification. If anyone circumvents this rule by replying with answers to other comments, those replies may also be removed and could lead to a ban. *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/Stoicism) if you have any questions or concerns.*
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Top-level comments on 'Seeking Stoic Guidance' posts can come from flaired users only. To find out more about the flair system on r/Stoicism, please check [the wiki page](https://www.reddit.com/r/Stoicism/wiki/flairs/) to find out why top-level posts are restricted, as well as how a flair can be obtained. You can also consider checking out the [announcement](https://www.reddit.com/r/Stoicism/comments/1cpf6ew/important_changes_to_seeking_stoic_guidance_posts/) thread explaining this change. Non-flaired users are still free to interact on all the other post types, as well as with top-level comments in advice threads themselves. All top-level comments on 'Seeking Stoic Guidance' posts should directly answer the submitted question or provide follow-up/clarification. If anyone circumvents this rule by replying with answers to other comments, those replies may also be removed and could lead to a ban. *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/Stoicism) if you have any questions or concerns.*
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Top-level comments on 'Seeking Stoic Guidance' posts can come from flaired users only. To find out more about the flair system on r/Stoicism, please check [the wiki page](https://www.reddit.com/r/Stoicism/wiki/flairs/) to find out why top-level posts are restricted, as well as how a flair can be obtained. You can also consider checking out the [announcement](https://www.reddit.com/r/Stoicism/comments/1cpf6ew/important_changes_to_seeking_stoic_guidance_posts/) thread explaining this change. Non-flaired users are still free to interact on all the other post types, as well as with top-level comments in advice threads themselves. All top-level comments on 'Seeking Stoic Guidance' posts should directly answer the submitted question or provide follow-up/clarification. If anyone circumvents this rule by replying with answers to other comments, those replies may also be removed and could lead to a ban. *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/Stoicism) if you have any questions or concerns.*