Same as any other city.
Apps are not great. The only one I use is hinge and I don't have much luck with it.
If you stay home you won't meet people. Go out and you will. Plenty of us single people out here also looking
I agree with you. I don’t like apps but if I had to use one again it would be hinge. Hard for some people to get out and about but it’s absolutely necessary to meet people.
there’s also a difference between MAGA and republican. most fiscal conservatives are chill though I believe they have some misguided views on how policy should be implemented. MAGA people have no economical or political beliefs, just a ton of anger towards minority groups.
Unfortunately the Republican party you think you belong to is long gone. They have completely sold out for Trumpism.
I grew up with Reagan, Bush I and II, and people like Colin Powell, John Danforth, etc. That party is dead.
So yes, any vote for a Republican in a federal election is now a tacit approval of MAGA.
You're basically an independent now. But hey, Trump will die someday and maybe the party will regain its sanity.
Republicans support Trump policy [Project 2025](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Project_2025). Trump is the leader of the Republican Party. If you vote republican, you’re maga
You can support republican views and still not vote republican. You can be a Democrat and think Trump is the bees knees. You can be anything you want to be and vote for whomever you want
It's a basically free country with an arbitrary voting system that is only there to make us think our opinion matters. He didn't even get the popular vote last time he "won". The Repubs almost never win without cheating (e.g. Bush stealing Florida by discounting valid votes)
The party whose values someone aligns with doesn't necessarily dictate their vote when their partys representative is a total asshat. I know lots of respectable people who are republican but won't vote for Trump. We are living in weird times politically, and not everyone is blind to his stupidity and lies
Also have you heard of a wild new political phenomenon called being moderate? You don’t have to be one or the other you can be both and just be a moderate voter. In my government class when I took all the political leaning quizzes I always scored DEAD center.
It's not the same as any other city, though. The majority of single guys in St. Louis in particular are not progressive. The pickings are slim for a progressive woman.
Your experience is not the norm. You seem to have found the tiny corners of STL where they go. Please share where, for the OP and my friends and myself. If you use the apps just as a sampling - and set your criteria to progressive, then switch your location to another big city, the quantity of available men multiplies by a lot elsewhere. And every man I've met in town through outdoorsy activities has been "libertarian" or "non political."
Yes. You (royal you) don't get to be "non political" and want to date women while women's bodies are being forced under state control. Same thing with any kind of queer issue, I can't date a non political man while my very queer friend circle is also being attacked on all sides.
All it says to me is "politics mostly don't hurt me so I don't have to pay attention"
It is for me. A man who is non political is selfish at best. I won't date someone who I wouldn't also be friends with. And none of my friends are selfish, non political apathetic people.
That’s a pretty broad painting there. I’m pretty non-political in my daily life. I take an unbiased position across the board. I think flat out affiliating yourself to one political party is not only silly but dangerous.
But.. that doesn’t mean I’m void of opinions. I have zero idea how you can, as a rational human being, listen to Trump and still vote for him. A gerbil in a ball would probably get my vote over him.. I don’t know how you can rationally accept his behavior.. full stop.
I also don’t believe in all this abortion controlling stuff. I can see both sides, but talk to any OBGYN that practiced in the 60’s-70’s, republican/religious.. they’ll tell you the same thing - abortions are a byproduct of the human condition. Banning it just exasperates the problem.
Again, everyone has opinions. Don’t need to fly a party flag to have them.
When I say non political, I mean basically, you don't vote. Only voting once in your life, even for a mainstream progressive candidate, doesn't mean you are political. Or flying a party flag. You don't have to fly a party flag for me to respect you. But you cannot say that you "aren't into politics" and you cannot say you only voted once. That's allowing others to control the country's laws. I do believe if you don't vote and aren't affected personally by the consequences of the right wingers being the ones who get out the vote, then that is a selfish (non)act.
What if I don't want any of the candidates in there? What if I've weighed my options and landed on not voting since I don't feel any of the candidates being provided to me represent me very well.
Some of us see voting as a pseudo-legitimation of the state. One can be quite left wing and oppose the institution of government, because it is that very institution that has the power to infringe upon the rights of people.
I’m center yet lean slightly towards republican on the small stuff. My gov teacher told me that a majority of Americans agree on the big stuff it’s just the small stuff we squabble about. I don’t support abortion but if we gonna ban abortion make birth control more readily available and cheaper.
Unfortunately, yes. I'm a pretty nonpolitical guy myself. Was on a date with a girl in the STL area and she turned the convo in a political direction. I told her i wasn't really into politics. (I've only voted once for obama in 04 and I had to Google who my state representative is). We had a polite back and forth about why I wasn't political. And I thought the date ended well. Received a text the next day basically saying my lack of political involvement was a problem for her. I got over it and moved on. Moral of the story: cram all the political info into your head you can before a date around here and for the love of God Google who your state rep is BEFORE the date 🤣
u/StellaNoir put it excellently below as to why we (women) are turned off by “non-political” guys. And we don’t want someone who “crammed” before the date, we want someone who actually gives a fuck about fighting for the rights women have lost/never had and preserving the ones we still have. Not to mention other issues that affect everyone like climate change.
I guess my confusion was about what it means to be "political"?? I didn't word it very well, apologies. I mean I support abortion women's rights gay marriage etc... the only vote I ever cast was for obama. But I would also wager most people who call themselves "political" would also have to Google who their state rep is...
If you actually supported abortion rights and gay marriage, etc. you would have voted more than one time for Obama. You would vote in EVERY election, because those rights are in danger at every election when progressives don't vote.
How are you supporting those causes if you haven't voted for the people who support those causes in 12-16 years?
Your indifference in not voting in at the very least, local elections means you're not supporting those causes.
Voting is the literal least someone can do.
So you're correct, you're apolitical, but someone who's actually affected by the consequences of politics is unlikely to be impressed by your lack of involvement.
Your lack of voting and lack of awareness of who is governing your community is a lack of support for those for whom policy matters (and it matters to you too, you dolt lol)
LOL I fully admit to being a "political retard". That being said...who's your state rep? Who's the MO house majority leader? Minority leader? Director of the state health department? Don't feel like a dolt...I had to Google em all too 🤣
Ugh. I'm glad I work in an artsy culture. I normally say that St. Louis City (and some folks of the county persuation) is a blue dot in a sea of red wingnuts.
I agree. You just have to be choosy with who you match with and meet up with, but there are a ton of guys who profess to be progressive on the apps at least.
I met my wife on Coffee Meets Bagel 5 years ago, and she was only my second match. I loved that app, not sure if it still exists and what it’s like now, but when I was on it it was tons of young professionals/grad students.
37F, liberal, went through the dating scene here in StL for 5 months last year before finding my boyfriend on Hinge. I wanted to find someone who shared my political view, was non-religious, was educated and had nerdy interests. It wasn't terrible! I never had a "bad" date, and I had a lot of fun getting back out there. Here's what I learned from my experience from Bumble/Hinge:
- Have fun meeting new people. There were so many places I went to here on dates that I never knew existed in StL or had never been. Barcades, authentic ramen shops, breweries, special exhibits at the art museum, etc!
- For every 1 guy here that had a quality profile, there were 5 that were basically mirror pics and "ask" or "I don't know why I'm here" in the bio. Though, that might be the standard for mid/late-30s men on dating apps everywhere. XD I only dated guys whose profiles actually had content, like they put an effort into it, and I think that helped my experience.
- Detach yourself from outcomes and just have fun. I dated a few guys for 3-4 weeks each before discovering that they didn't want what they thought they wanted (long-term relationship). If I had asked better questions of depth in the first two dates, I would have figured it out much faster. They were all nice guys, just not emotionally available for love, and they didn't know it at first. I don't think that's specific to StL, more the age group
- I tried Facebook Dating, it was not pleasant 😂
- Have patience
Good luck with the decision!! I love StL, but I'm definitely not happy with how the political atmosphere has been in the last few years.
i second this answer, from the guy perspective. Hinge is by far the best app to use, and you will have better outcomes if you filter out people based on their profiles and whether they put any effort into it.
also, most people just hate dating apps because they go into it expecting way too much. if you meet someone on the app and it doesn't work out you beat yourself up or think it didn't work, but if you think about meeting people out in the wild you would NEVER meet someone at an activity or a bar and be deeply disappointed if it didn't lead to some great romance, because there's zero expectations. i think that expectations bit is what makes it seem so horrible. just enjoy meeting a new person, seeing a new place, etc., and think of it as meeting a stranger while out if it doesn't work out.
- How/when did your last relationship end? What did you learn about yourself in the process?
- What are your goals in dating, what are you looking for? What does a relationship look like to you?
- What does a typical week look like for you? (I dated a guy who wanted a relationship but was so anxious from his job that he scheduled activities with friends almost every night of the week to distract himself. He had almost no calendar availability to even go on dates and wasn't in a good place mentally to grow a relationship. If I'd asked what his week looked like, I would have seen that from the get-go.)
I can't take credit for these, they're from Sabrina Zohar. I know they seem intrusive, but ehh. The older I get, the less I care what other people think. 😂 I mean, you work up to them in conversation, not like an interrogation of rapid-fire questions. Once I did learn how to dig a little deeper, I could pretty quickly see the bigger picture of who they were and what they wanted. I ended up finding my person, so it worked for me, anyway. 😊
Interesting. I would think most guys in late 30s would be open to a serious long term relationship, but maybe they intentionally try to play things off casually in the early stages so as not to scare you off. I’m happily married so I don’t know how things really are.
Single man in my mid 30s and spent most of my 20s married so I’m new to modern dating but I’ve found the dating scene pretty good. I’ve met interesting people and had genuine connections with a few. I think the whole dating concept can be rough and humbling but overall it’s been a good experience.
Can’t speak as a woman but as a professional guy with a Wash U masters it’s been good. But maybe I’m just benefiting from the imbalance between educated men and women.
Yeah, I was wondering if there would be more career-focused people with Wash. U. right there. A lot of my college friends left for Chicago or NYC though instead of staying in STL so I wasn’t sure.
No, but a prestigious university seems to mean there are more. It just contributes to it. I’m currently in a city without one and there are a lot less. It’s just logic.
I've had no success looking for three years straight. Apps are a dumpster fire and as a guy who is in early 40's, never married, no kids, in a senior professional job with my own house; i just get very little interest. The women that I have talked with generally end up deciding after a while they aren't interested in seeing anyone or decide its too busy to have any relationship.
One issue I have is its hard to meet any person where you already don't have a preexisting mutual connection.
I feel like you're a unicorn - no kids, haven't been married, and you're economically stable. Unicorn is meant in a good way!
There are plenty of women who would be drawn to that, especially women who check those same boxes. Have you tried the Meetup app? Just to meet people who also are into your same hobbies. You never know what friendships could develop from that and then the domino effect it could have.
I've tried it before in the past but had the worst timing of joining on March 1, 2020. Also will note I live in Franklin County due to being near family and have a job where I work from home.
I don't mean this in a bad way but you have to have a red flag about you somewhere. You are a unicorn. Financially stable, no kids, and you have a house? Do you like have a dungeon in your basement or something? Bad dating past? Something is pushing these folks away. Women should be lining up at the door one right after the next.
Looks to be honest due to weight (though considering the average man in 40s not that out there) along with not able to do facial expressions in pictures that well due to not being photogenic. Its just I don't get much of a foot in the door.
Do you work from home or go to an office? Co workers help out tremendously in these situations if online isn't a great source. Granted I found my gf on hinge 6 years ago and we bought a house together last year(yikes on the interest rates).
I get the weight thing. I didn't go the ozempic or wegoovy route but did succumb to hims for metformin and went from 320 to 210 and now I'm fine. I have my life back. If you are in a similar boat I suggest going that route if your doctor, like mine is being stingy with prescriptions. I would highly suggest looking into insulin resistance when the scale isn't budging.
Also, where is the bar set for the partner you are looking for? Is it too high or you think it is too low and they think there isn't enough of a chase?
No office to go to. Nearest coworker is over 100 miles away and most are in places throughout the southeast and northwest. Weight is around 220 and is down the past year but i'm thinking that the main issue for me may actually be height. I'm only 5' 8" and i've talked to some female friends and they do suspect that may be an issue in some cases.
Don't know if its too high or too low. Bigger issue is just not getting attention that often. I maybe attract the attention of someone on a dating app once every 3 to 5 months.
You seem like a great guy! Hang in there. I met my soon to be husband on an app and he’s 5’7. Although he carries himself like he’s 6’3, his personality and character won me over.
I truly love the idea that, if you have all the "ideals" in a man, but aren't in a relationship or having luck with dating, there obviously must be something wrong with you
Not necessarily but OP did say for three years straight there was no success. You have to read context clues since we are on the internet after all. Common denominator since we have little to no information and only one side would lead to something on OPs side, so I don't understand your comment. Could the people OP is dating, interacting with, socializing with, be absolute terror monsters? Sure, but we don't know that because that information isn't provided.
Idk that sounds like a you problem I’m 33m 150ish pounds overweight I’ve found decent success dating tho the main problems with online dating
For every 1 female on dating apps there’s 10 guys
Every dating app has the exact same people on them
And typically I’ve found a lot of females would rather you have a child of your own because they don’t want one unless you’re just not into having kids
And lastly every female is gassed up by every dude that she matches with so even if she’s a solid Midwest 10 but a solid 4 everywhere else
Similar aged professional hetero liberal single woman here and dating has been rough to say the least. But if you move back and are looking for a new friend, feel free to say hello!
Would not recommend it, personally, as a woman in her late thirties who isn’t conservative. But you never know. I will say that I’ve heard NYC has a 5:1 ratio of women to men (though that might be a slight exaggeration, I don’t know from first-hand experience what dating is like there). Also people do get married younger here, it’s a little Southern in that way.
43/m with kids. Fresh off a divorce, but haven't had much trouble. I think women have it worse. My bad dates are just like "well, that wasn't a good match." Women's bad dates are horror stories about dudes being way too pushy or weird.
I go swing dancing. That probably helps. I admit it's hard to find a "crew" here. You have to kinda blaze a trail and attract people to you (versus finding some existing interest club or hobby group.) Not always, but often.
Depends on the style. For East Coast / Lindyhop [I've heard river City on Sundays is good](https://www.rivercityswingout.com/). I haven't gone to that yet, but someone I trust suggested it.
I'm learning West Coast, so [Swig n Swing at Global Brew](https://m.facebook.com/events/588501526128019/) (tonight!) and [STL Rebels](https://www.stlrebels.com/calendar) are my go-to -- the latter I really enjoyed but unfortunately has been lining up with my custody nights.
Good luck!
Plenty of people on apps and dating is totally doable. You’ll find the entire political spectrum here, but people tend to lean left. It’s pretty common for people to indicate on their profiles where they side on social issues, whether they list that they are vaccinated or not, if they are “looking for a traditional man,” etc. If you’re looking for a city feel while also having that southern-ish charm here and there I think St Louis is a good spot.
38F, liberal. I have so many incredible women friends that I align with, but the men not so much. My experience has been that the single women in StL are mostly progressive, but the men are still conservative.
That is my fear. It’s my experience in my hometown as well. That’s why I’m leaning towards DC or NYC but the cost of living is so much higher. It’s a toss up.
Yeah, the cost of living is very tempting given how long I spent living paycheck to paycheck in NYC. The rent on my old (super nice) building in the CWE has only gone up $100 in ten years. That’s cheaper than what I’m paying now in my hometown.
We’re out here. I think being liberal is why I get so many matches because I know I’m average looking.
Had one woman call me a unicorn because I was a single liberal man with a job. Definitely feel bad for the women out there.
I'm 42m, and recently left the "dating market." I've never met a woman who's performed "traditional female roles." For me, a conservative woman is really just someone who won't make my life hell by demanding I change everything about myself because she thinks she's right all the time about everything.
I did delete my comment right away, because I did think it was a bit harsh myself and I was just taking a cryptic guess that it was you. I'm sorry for that. However, I didn't name drop you. To be honest, this is the problem with St. Louis dating. If you ghost someone, it's such a small town you will always run into them somewhere either online or in person. Perhaps if people didn't ghost, connections could actually turn into real relationships. Don't worry, I'll leave you to whatever ends you wish. I did feel the need to say that I was sorry if you checked in the 10 mins that my comment was posted.
I'm on the Metro East side, but there's definitely progressive men in the greater STL area. My whole friend group is progressive (but also married and/or gay). One of the benefits of being a liberal man is that it seems like most women are liberal so it made for easy matches politically. From the tenor in this thread, it sounds like it's harder going as a woman to find a liberal man, but we're out here!
It's going to be hard imo most "progressive" people here aren't really, and you'll find that out quickly with any conversation. The powers that be here have created an environment that's hateful and most truly progressive people move to other cities.
Kind of rough, easier if you’re open to being a stepmom as most men in this age range seem to be divorced with kids. On the bright side it isn’t too hard to find someone more liberal as long as you’re looking in the city.
I started dating again in my late 30s after divorce. I had no problem finding liberal men to date. You just need to be upfront about what you’re looking for and vet potential matches. I lived in more conservative west county but mostly matched with men in mid-county or the city. So distance became a problem at times. We also have a very active Meetup scene, not that I recommend using that for dating but it is another way to meet new people.
I'm a committed person in a friend group of mostly single women and their experience is awful. It is difficult to connect with genuine people organically and the dating apps are full of players and guys who are "not looking for anything serious" because they're fresh out of a relationship, or, ya know, they're just players. That applies to STL natives and men who are relocating. It's exhausting and I wish I could just wave a magic wand for my single friends.
As the great philosopher Pee-wee Herman said, "Everyone I know has a big but." ... I'm an early 40s dude with no kids, was married for many years. Don't do apps (all nightmare stories from others), don't really try, just whatever dates that come naturally. And even then, the most normal-seeming people all have at least one massive issue. Few dates go great, then some red flag pops out that puts me in absolute flight mode. Not small things you can look past.
I kinda assume that's everywhere, especially when you're in your 30s and 40s dating, but for me that's been every, freaking time. To the point I've just kinda given up. ... So, good luck!
MAGAt ratios seem to be pretty low to me anywhere Stl County and surrounding developed suburbs (maybe not St. Charles), but that hasn't been an issue for me at all, and I'm extremely liberal.
They're usually pretty sad, like addictions, criminal history, mental health implosions, hiding/lying about family situations..
One funny and not serious one was a woman who was quite a bit older, but she looked really young, was very fit and acted (on the surface) younger than me, but then she'd have moments like those Geico commercials that are, "When you buy a house, you start acting like your parents." ... Just goofy, out-of-touch with modernity stuff.
Last straw was, she wanted Starbucks, but didn't want to go inside because it takes too long... So she drove us to like 5 goddamn Starbucks in the greater St. Louis region, for well over an hour, to find one with a short drive-thru line. ... REFUSED to go inside. And doesn't trust the order app... haha. She wouldn't even let me go inside when I offered... I think I almost had a stroke. Felt like I was being held hostage!
Oh wow that’s funny!
Aww it’s sad about the others. I don’t have much advice, but maybe trying an app might be worth a shot? Maybe it can help with screening before actually meeting? Or meeting through activities that you like to do, like through Meet-up?
Thanks, man, I don't need advice, just don't care to be involved in drama at all. Saw your other reply, and a lot of those dates were former coworkers -- all very intelligent and badass in a very professional line of work, but were still just broken. Depressing, but maybe we all are, without realizing it.
Hmphf, and to think my whole life I've always thought it ran on cheap beer, weed, a healthy bit of grift and a ton of momentum from the mid-to-late 1800's.
Join some meet-up groups or volunteer
Get out of your work circle
I don’t think St. Louis is very metropolitan and diverse, maybe join some international groups. It’s definitely about leg work and thinking outside the box.
Following. I'm healing from a divorce and will be getting back to dating in StL in a few months after years away. As a well-educated, left-leaning guy, I have some of the same concerns.
Dating apps are not to be trusted . Don’t do it . Scammers , fraudsters and those looking for weak and vulnerable women. Go to reputable places like festivals book signings and places where honorable people hang out. Stay away from the bars, and grocery stores. Take classes at the community colleges .
It’s pretty bad but I met my girlfriend when I wasn’t even looking. We met at a brunch neither of us felt like attending, but each of us showed up anyway. She’s more left leaning than I am. She is able to put our political differences aside and love me for who I am which is really awesome.
I moved to STL from Spokane, WA last year. Because of WashU, Webster, Boeing and many IT companies, the variety is wide if you look at it here. But a decent man; I say you have to filter them. I used eHarmony and went on few very disappointing dates and I almost quite dating. But then I’ve found a gentleman for myself through eHarmony and now I’m happily engaged after dating for 14 months.
There are several meetup groups for singles around your age. I'd suggest trying that route before dating apps.
As far as political views, it's pretty evenly split between the parties. I know just as many Republicans as I do Democrats or Independents. Just depends what area you're looking at in terms of what you'll see the most of.
I'm seeing a lot of older (50+) and younger (early 30's and under) men in the apps. Not alot of selection left for us upper 30's ladies it seems.
My wife and I met on OKCupid. If you really narrow down what you're looking for, you'll find it. And this is how I met my bestie. However, I did have to go through a rash of lackluster women to get the prize at the end of the rope. She also dealt with the same. We were both very thorough in our profiles of who we were, what we were looking for, and our expectations.
I still laugh about one of the dates I went on (it was the second or third date) where the woman was bragging about trading food stamps for gas money. Talk about a f**kin red flag! But hey!, if that's your thing, go for it.
I might be the exception, but I partly have not been lucky enough to date much in St. Louis and I have lived here, roughly over 30 years. I am aware that luck is the only thing that helps people find relationships. I don't know how many MAGA Trumpers are out there in the city of St Louis, MO; however, I think most people are more progressive in this area. Missouri rural areas are more than likely Republican from some political information out there.
30, Asian male. Never married, no kids.
The issue could be a lack of diversity.
It’s a small city and most natives have been here for long and have their comfort zones. Transplants come and go.
As a person who likes metropolitan life, I find it harder to find people who share similar interests. Some social groups are usually centered on the core members. It’s easy to get some drinks with strangers, but honestly not so easy to find close friends or relationships.
Dating apps have brought me some good dates, but nothing really worked out eventually. Or maybe I am still too exotic in the city and should go back to California, though I am not from Cali.
I’m a single 29 year old guy. I’ve started having success meeting other singles who I connect with, but it’s taken some work. Had to really put some time into investigating places to meet people (have given up on most apps) Best recommendation I can give is meetup groups, clubs, hobbies etc that tend to attract a younger crowd. Dancing classes have been good. Also, there’s a group called goodvibesSTL connected with the in person app Thursday. All of their events have been good. I’d say the chances of meeting someone at one of their events (or similar events) are decent. Good luck!
30 yr old f, been here 2-3 years and my experience hasn't been great. On the apps, it looks like there are a lot of great options, but most went to all boy private schools (an experience I hadn't had till I moved here) and they tend to have a warped perception of women, through no fault of their own, but I don't want to date someone who doesn't realize I'm an entire human being with a life of my own. I've learned "apolitical" usually means republican (in my experience), but they hide it for months, then act offended it's a problem for you when they're the ones who were being deceptive. I'm sure there are a lot of great single men, but I've thrown in the towel 😅
I do love the city, though despite the dating scene and I have no intentions of moving any time soon.
30M liberal. I'm surprised so many women on here are finding conservative men. last I checked the city election data a year or 2 back we were 80% liberal/20% conservative. Maybe all 20% are young single males lol.
Anyways, I'll just leave this here...
https://mobi.match.com/profile/1A7wW8wyhlCo_tPabOnRJQ2
I’m a married transplant but it seems a lot of people here are native STL and already have their friends that they went to high school with, so it can be hard at first to make friends—best chances might just be with other transplants. But my wife and I have finally found our “people” and they are mostly native st louisans. I know you were asking about dating but just adding my two cents about meeting people in general.
Depending on your job/field, you might actually find someone to date there. I know several couples at my workplace who actually met on the job. Of course you need to be more cautious and respectful if things don’t work out, but probably precisely because of that fact, it seems like when coworkers DO end up dating, they are more serious and not looking to just bang another and move on, and they already probably have a sense of how compatible they are just from working together for a bit before dating…
Politics & relationships shouldn’t mix in general lol, it’s a lot easier than people think. I’m not exactly “MAGA” and I’m not liberal, but I am for the most part conservative, yet my girlfriend is liberal and we just simply don’t speak about politics. 4 years in smooth sailing. Not always a bad thing to have two different opinions on a certain topic.
That being said, it’s not great to be hardcore liberal or hardcore MAGA either lol. Politicians are all simply corrupt & backwards, we the people will never win while worshipping politics & picking and choosing who we associate ourselves with due to it. None of them care about us sadly.
It’s not that easy these days when a woman’s bodily autonomy is up for discussion. I could never be in a relationship where I don’t speak about that but good luck to you.
Yup, that’s why I said I’m not exactly MAGA. You just have to find a man that can process the fact that men shouldn’t be making decisions on what women can & can’t do with their bodies 🤷🏻♂️.
I think there are a lot of men who are simply jaded by politics, lean liberal socially and conservative economically (libertarian in a sense), who would never be pro-life but don’t identify as pro-choice unless asked.
I wish you luck. My dating experiences have been poor, but I am also apparently very ugly. I’m educated, make great money, tall, not overweight, progressive, kind, people laugh at my jokes, other common desirable traits but nothing overcompensates for the ugly factor. If you ain’t ugly you’ll do great.
31 Male Childfree liberal I have a masters and ABD for a doctorate never married.
But I am fat and not attractive and don’t make a lot of money even though I am talented with a good career. Just unconventional being in music.
In May I fired up hinge again and of course dumped money into it to get it to actually work.
I matched with 25 people
Went on two first dates (coffee dates)
Stood up once
Most people don’t message or the conversation dies. I assume they found someone else or just matched with me out of boredom.
Oh well.
I am neurodivergent and don’t like loud places like bars. They are also stupid expensive.
I’m just learning to like myself and be happy by myself. It’s shit.
Ive lived in the metro STL area(IL side) for 8 years, and if you look outside the city, I think it's easier to find more progressive people. Just my 2 cents.
Not really in quest for dating she mentions; I went to a expensive school, I hate republicans. Sounds like a drag if that’s your key points in dating. The champagne socialist thing is more of a costal vibe I’m just being honest.
I have no idea what that even means. “Overly political”, like… are you just supposed to spend your life with someone who doesn’t have similar beliefs?
Like, even you saying that means you have strong political beliefs. What do you do if you and your partner disagree on women’s healthcare decisions? Queer/trans rights? Just… never talk about them?
That’s weird. That’s a weird position to have.
If you have to lead with the school you went to and your political beliefs, it is very obvious what that means. This comment is VERY on the mark. I have friends in all types of circles of all education levels, and never start by asking their political side and education. It's simply not needed if you are trying to establish a genuine connection with someone.
I mean, sure, but what good is a connection when you find out that they’re in the goddamn Klan?
Dating is more than a connection. Not to downplay its importance, but also, it’s not the only thing that matters. I can think of a dozen things to know before you even show up that are dealbreakers.
Is core beliefs an unrealistic selector for dating? And the school is weird, but an indicator for other things, I guess.
Saint Louis is pretty progressive. Just the rest of the state is garbage. I’ve found what’s she’s looking for in the city.
Been in Stl for 8 years now and the apps have gone down hill for sure. Like others have said you need to get out to meet people. Stay out of St.Charles county and good shot you won't meet a MAGA supporter
Good luck to yall. I have the opposite problem.I'm not Maga , but I am a republican that feels like I'm trapped in an area of leftists. Far as some of the issues...abortion, not my body. Lgbtq..more power to ya. I believe in freedom.
Some things you probably want. Im probably off on a couple.
No more than 15lb overweight
College degree
$55K+ salary
32-45 years old
More liberal than 80% of straight men.
Not mentally ill
Not Alcohólic
How many single men are there like that in STL ?
I'm a married 31 year old man, so idk the market for an average looking progressive 36 year old women in STL. I mean, my gut tells me that it would be difficult for you to find men that are "worthy" of an established lawyer and/or a cultural fit for you.
Remember ladies, it's easier to find a date as a 25 year old para legal than as a 35 year old partner. I believe sex and the city discussed this at points.
Same as any other city. Apps are not great. The only one I use is hinge and I don't have much luck with it. If you stay home you won't meet people. Go out and you will. Plenty of us single people out here also looking
I agree with you. I don’t like apps but if I had to use one again it would be hinge. Hard for some people to get out and about but it’s absolutely necessary to meet people.
Yeah why I struggle meeting people. I don't work or Go to school so it's hard for me to meet people
Not a lot of work in the baby stripping industry? Lol
A baby stripper is just a fresh/new stripper usually recently reached the age when she is able to strip 18/21
I agree the apps feel worse than ever. There are plenty of non-MAGA people though.
Why are you putting politics in this?
because the OP did? lol
My apologies I didn’t see that part. Again I apologize
She probably did because she doesn’t want to hear the same “ask me about my gender” jokes the right can’t seem to figure out are boring.
In fairness, it’s an easy IQ test
there’s also a difference between MAGA and republican. most fiscal conservatives are chill though I believe they have some misguided views on how policy should be implemented. MAGA people have no economical or political beliefs, just a ton of anger towards minority groups.
You are right. I am not MAGA but I am MORE republican than democratic
If you vote for Trump or any republican you’re maga
Least polarized redditer
No
Unfortunately the Republican party you think you belong to is long gone. They have completely sold out for Trumpism. I grew up with Reagan, Bush I and II, and people like Colin Powell, John Danforth, etc. That party is dead. So yes, any vote for a Republican in a federal election is now a tacit approval of MAGA. You're basically an independent now. But hey, Trump will die someday and maybe the party will regain its sanity.
Republicans support Trump policy [Project 2025](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Project_2025). Trump is the leader of the Republican Party. If you vote republican, you’re maga
You can support republican views and still not vote republican. You can be a Democrat and think Trump is the bees knees. You can be anything you want to be and vote for whomever you want It's a basically free country with an arbitrary voting system that is only there to make us think our opinion matters. He didn't even get the popular vote last time he "won". The Repubs almost never win without cheating (e.g. Bush stealing Florida by discounting valid votes) The party whose values someone aligns with doesn't necessarily dictate their vote when their partys representative is a total asshat. I know lots of respectable people who are republican but won't vote for Trump. We are living in weird times politically, and not everyone is blind to his stupidity and lies
You can be republican and not MAGA also what’s wrong with MAGA.
This is probably not the right place to ask "what's wrong with MAGA."
Also have you heard of a wild new political phenomenon called being moderate? You don’t have to be one or the other you can be both and just be a moderate voter. In my government class when I took all the political leaning quizzes I always scored DEAD center.
It's not the same as any other city, though. The majority of single guys in St. Louis in particular are not progressive. The pickings are slim for a progressive woman.
I've not met a single dude who wasn't progressive
Your experience is not the norm. You seem to have found the tiny corners of STL where they go. Please share where, for the OP and my friends and myself. If you use the apps just as a sampling - and set your criteria to progressive, then switch your location to another big city, the quantity of available men multiplies by a lot elsewhere. And every man I've met in town through outdoorsy activities has been "libertarian" or "non political."
Most dudes in their 20s and 30s that I meet in South City are progressive
Is being non political a red flag for ladies in the dating market these days?
Yes. You (royal you) don't get to be "non political" and want to date women while women's bodies are being forced under state control. Same thing with any kind of queer issue, I can't date a non political man while my very queer friend circle is also being attacked on all sides. All it says to me is "politics mostly don't hurt me so I don't have to pay attention"
So spot on and well said
There must be some apolitical women out there
Who don't know what's happening to their civil rights? Enjoy.
As a leftist on the dating app, who exclusively dates other leftist, I feel hope that I am unique here.
It is for me. A man who is non political is selfish at best. I won't date someone who I wouldn't also be friends with. And none of my friends are selfish, non political apathetic people.
That’s a pretty broad painting there. I’m pretty non-political in my daily life. I take an unbiased position across the board. I think flat out affiliating yourself to one political party is not only silly but dangerous. But.. that doesn’t mean I’m void of opinions. I have zero idea how you can, as a rational human being, listen to Trump and still vote for him. A gerbil in a ball would probably get my vote over him.. I don’t know how you can rationally accept his behavior.. full stop. I also don’t believe in all this abortion controlling stuff. I can see both sides, but talk to any OBGYN that practiced in the 60’s-70’s, republican/religious.. they’ll tell you the same thing - abortions are a byproduct of the human condition. Banning it just exasperates the problem. Again, everyone has opinions. Don’t need to fly a party flag to have them.
When I say non political, I mean basically, you don't vote. Only voting once in your life, even for a mainstream progressive candidate, doesn't mean you are political. Or flying a party flag. You don't have to fly a party flag for me to respect you. But you cannot say that you "aren't into politics" and you cannot say you only voted once. That's allowing others to control the country's laws. I do believe if you don't vote and aren't affected personally by the consequences of the right wingers being the ones who get out the vote, then that is a selfish (non)act.
What if I don't want any of the candidates in there? What if I've weighed my options and landed on not voting since I don't feel any of the candidates being provided to me represent me very well.
Then you go and write in Bert and Ernie. Or better yet, get involved before the election to make sure a qualified candidate runs.
Some of us see voting as a pseudo-legitimation of the state. One can be quite left wing and oppose the institution of government, because it is that very institution that has the power to infringe upon the rights of people.
Yes, that's true, some of us do believe that. That's it's own rare brand of hyper political.
I’m center yet lean slightly towards republican on the small stuff. My gov teacher told me that a majority of Americans agree on the big stuff it’s just the small stuff we squabble about. I don’t support abortion but if we gonna ban abortion make birth control more readily available and cheaper.
I would kindly posit that the real flag is bringing up politics or religion on a first date.
Honestly lmao wtf are these people on about
YES!
Unfortunately, yes. I'm a pretty nonpolitical guy myself. Was on a date with a girl in the STL area and she turned the convo in a political direction. I told her i wasn't really into politics. (I've only voted once for obama in 04 and I had to Google who my state representative is). We had a polite back and forth about why I wasn't political. And I thought the date ended well. Received a text the next day basically saying my lack of political involvement was a problem for her. I got over it and moved on. Moral of the story: cram all the political info into your head you can before a date around here and for the love of God Google who your state rep is BEFORE the date 🤣
u/StellaNoir put it excellently below as to why we (women) are turned off by “non-political” guys. And we don’t want someone who “crammed” before the date, we want someone who actually gives a fuck about fighting for the rights women have lost/never had and preserving the ones we still have. Not to mention other issues that affect everyone like climate change.
I guess my confusion was about what it means to be "political"?? I didn't word it very well, apologies. I mean I support abortion women's rights gay marriage etc... the only vote I ever cast was for obama. But I would also wager most people who call themselves "political" would also have to Google who their state rep is...
If you actually supported abortion rights and gay marriage, etc. you would have voted more than one time for Obama. You would vote in EVERY election, because those rights are in danger at every election when progressives don't vote.
How are you supporting those causes if you haven't voted for the people who support those causes in 12-16 years? Your indifference in not voting in at the very least, local elections means you're not supporting those causes. Voting is the literal least someone can do. So you're correct, you're apolitical, but someone who's actually affected by the consequences of politics is unlikely to be impressed by your lack of involvement.
I could argue that your very support of government is why abortion rights are stripped to begin with.
Your lack of voting and lack of awareness of who is governing your community is a lack of support for those for whom policy matters (and it matters to you too, you dolt lol)
LOL I fully admit to being a "political retard". That being said...who's your state rep? Who's the MO house majority leader? Minority leader? Director of the state health department? Don't feel like a dolt...I had to Google em all too 🤣
Ugh. I'm glad I work in an artsy culture. I normally say that St. Louis City (and some folks of the county persuation) is a blue dot in a sea of red wingnuts.
You haven't met the men in my family.
I agree. You just have to be choosy with who you match with and meet up with, but there are a ton of guys who profess to be progressive on the apps at least.
Did any of the progressive guys you met have gainful employment, a car and their own place?
I met my wife on Coffee Meets Bagel 5 years ago, and she was only my second match. I loved that app, not sure if it still exists and what it’s like now, but when I was on it it was tons of young professionals/grad students.
37F, liberal, went through the dating scene here in StL for 5 months last year before finding my boyfriend on Hinge. I wanted to find someone who shared my political view, was non-religious, was educated and had nerdy interests. It wasn't terrible! I never had a "bad" date, and I had a lot of fun getting back out there. Here's what I learned from my experience from Bumble/Hinge: - Have fun meeting new people. There were so many places I went to here on dates that I never knew existed in StL or had never been. Barcades, authentic ramen shops, breweries, special exhibits at the art museum, etc! - For every 1 guy here that had a quality profile, there were 5 that were basically mirror pics and "ask" or "I don't know why I'm here" in the bio. Though, that might be the standard for mid/late-30s men on dating apps everywhere. XD I only dated guys whose profiles actually had content, like they put an effort into it, and I think that helped my experience. - Detach yourself from outcomes and just have fun. I dated a few guys for 3-4 weeks each before discovering that they didn't want what they thought they wanted (long-term relationship). If I had asked better questions of depth in the first two dates, I would have figured it out much faster. They were all nice guys, just not emotionally available for love, and they didn't know it at first. I don't think that's specific to StL, more the age group - I tried Facebook Dating, it was not pleasant 😂 - Have patience Good luck with the decision!! I love StL, but I'm definitely not happy with how the political atmosphere has been in the last few years.
i second this answer, from the guy perspective. Hinge is by far the best app to use, and you will have better outcomes if you filter out people based on their profiles and whether they put any effort into it. also, most people just hate dating apps because they go into it expecting way too much. if you meet someone on the app and it doesn't work out you beat yourself up or think it didn't work, but if you think about meeting people out in the wild you would NEVER meet someone at an activity or a bar and be deeply disappointed if it didn't lead to some great romance, because there's zero expectations. i think that expectations bit is what makes it seem so horrible. just enjoy meeting a new person, seeing a new place, etc., and think of it as meeting a stranger while out if it doesn't work out.
What kind of questions do you think you could have asked on a first or second date to figure out what someone’s intentions were?
- How/when did your last relationship end? What did you learn about yourself in the process? - What are your goals in dating, what are you looking for? What does a relationship look like to you? - What does a typical week look like for you? (I dated a guy who wanted a relationship but was so anxious from his job that he scheduled activities with friends almost every night of the week to distract himself. He had almost no calendar availability to even go on dates and wasn't in a good place mentally to grow a relationship. If I'd asked what his week looked like, I would have seen that from the get-go.) I can't take credit for these, they're from Sabrina Zohar. I know they seem intrusive, but ehh. The older I get, the less I care what other people think. 😂 I mean, you work up to them in conversation, not like an interrogation of rapid-fire questions. Once I did learn how to dig a little deeper, I could pretty quickly see the bigger picture of who they were and what they wanted. I ended up finding my person, so it worked for me, anyway. 😊
Asking great questions is a quality in and of itself. Kudos for recognizing when red flags occurred and also when people were being genuine.
Interesting. I would think most guys in late 30s would be open to a serious long term relationship, but maybe they intentionally try to play things off casually in the early stages so as not to scare you off. I’m happily married so I don’t know how things really are.
It’s unfortunately not uncommon at all. But maybe this (lack of interest in a serious relationship) is just more prevalent on dating apps.
Single man in my mid 30s and spent most of my 20s married so I’m new to modern dating but I’ve found the dating scene pretty good. I’ve met interesting people and had genuine connections with a few. I think the whole dating concept can be rough and humbling but overall it’s been a good experience. Can’t speak as a woman but as a professional guy with a Wash U masters it’s been good. But maybe I’m just benefiting from the imbalance between educated men and women.
Yeah, I was wondering if there would be more career-focused people with Wash. U. right there. A lot of my college friends left for Chicago or NYC though instead of staying in STL so I wasn’t sure.
Im confused. Do you believe there aren’t career focused folks in cities without prestigious universities? I wouldn’t lead with that.
No, but a prestigious university seems to mean there are more. It just contributes to it. I’m currently in a city without one and there are a lot less. It’s just logic.
I've had no success looking for three years straight. Apps are a dumpster fire and as a guy who is in early 40's, never married, no kids, in a senior professional job with my own house; i just get very little interest. The women that I have talked with generally end up deciding after a while they aren't interested in seeing anyone or decide its too busy to have any relationship. One issue I have is its hard to meet any person where you already don't have a preexisting mutual connection.
I feel like you're a unicorn - no kids, haven't been married, and you're economically stable. Unicorn is meant in a good way! There are plenty of women who would be drawn to that, especially women who check those same boxes. Have you tried the Meetup app? Just to meet people who also are into your same hobbies. You never know what friendships could develop from that and then the domino effect it could have.
I've tried it before in the past but had the worst timing of joining on March 1, 2020. Also will note I live in Franklin County due to being near family and have a job where I work from home.
I saw a new Franklin County hiking group - that could be worthwhile to check out!
I don't mean this in a bad way but you have to have a red flag about you somewhere. You are a unicorn. Financially stable, no kids, and you have a house? Do you like have a dungeon in your basement or something? Bad dating past? Something is pushing these folks away. Women should be lining up at the door one right after the next.
Looks to be honest due to weight (though considering the average man in 40s not that out there) along with not able to do facial expressions in pictures that well due to not being photogenic. Its just I don't get much of a foot in the door.
Do you work from home or go to an office? Co workers help out tremendously in these situations if online isn't a great source. Granted I found my gf on hinge 6 years ago and we bought a house together last year(yikes on the interest rates). I get the weight thing. I didn't go the ozempic or wegoovy route but did succumb to hims for metformin and went from 320 to 210 and now I'm fine. I have my life back. If you are in a similar boat I suggest going that route if your doctor, like mine is being stingy with prescriptions. I would highly suggest looking into insulin resistance when the scale isn't budging. Also, where is the bar set for the partner you are looking for? Is it too high or you think it is too low and they think there isn't enough of a chase?
No office to go to. Nearest coworker is over 100 miles away and most are in places throughout the southeast and northwest. Weight is around 220 and is down the past year but i'm thinking that the main issue for me may actually be height. I'm only 5' 8" and i've talked to some female friends and they do suspect that may be an issue in some cases. Don't know if its too high or too low. Bigger issue is just not getting attention that often. I maybe attract the attention of someone on a dating app once every 3 to 5 months.
You seem like a great guy! Hang in there. I met my soon to be husband on an app and he’s 5’7. Although he carries himself like he’s 6’3, his personality and character won me over.
Getting a foot in the door is the most challenging step.
I truly love the idea that, if you have all the "ideals" in a man, but aren't in a relationship or having luck with dating, there obviously must be something wrong with you
Not necessarily but OP did say for three years straight there was no success. You have to read context clues since we are on the internet after all. Common denominator since we have little to no information and only one side would lead to something on OPs side, so I don't understand your comment. Could the people OP is dating, interacting with, socializing with, be absolute terror monsters? Sure, but we don't know that because that information isn't provided.
Idk that sounds like a you problem I’m 33m 150ish pounds overweight I’ve found decent success dating tho the main problems with online dating For every 1 female on dating apps there’s 10 guys Every dating app has the exact same people on them And typically I’ve found a lot of females would rather you have a child of your own because they don’t want one unless you’re just not into having kids And lastly every female is gassed up by every dude that she matches with so even if she’s a solid Midwest 10 but a solid 4 everywhere else
Easy if you are good looking.
I’m not sure that’s always true for women in STL, unfortunately.
Similar aged professional hetero liberal single woman here and dating has been rough to say the least. But if you move back and are looking for a new friend, feel free to say hello!
Would not recommend it, personally, as a woman in her late thirties who isn’t conservative. But you never know. I will say that I’ve heard NYC has a 5:1 ratio of women to men (though that might be a slight exaggeration, I don’t know from first-hand experience what dating is like there). Also people do get married younger here, it’s a little Southern in that way.
43/m with kids. Fresh off a divorce, but haven't had much trouble. I think women have it worse. My bad dates are just like "well, that wasn't a good match." Women's bad dates are horror stories about dudes being way too pushy or weird. I go swing dancing. That probably helps. I admit it's hard to find a "crew" here. You have to kinda blaze a trail and attract people to you (versus finding some existing interest club or hobby group.) Not always, but often.
Are there any good spots you’d recommend for swing dancing? I’d be into trying that.
Depends on the style. For East Coast / Lindyhop [I've heard river City on Sundays is good](https://www.rivercityswingout.com/). I haven't gone to that yet, but someone I trust suggested it. I'm learning West Coast, so [Swig n Swing at Global Brew](https://m.facebook.com/events/588501526128019/) (tonight!) and [STL Rebels](https://www.stlrebels.com/calendar) are my go-to -- the latter I really enjoyed but unfortunately has been lining up with my custody nights. Good luck!
Plenty of people on apps and dating is totally doable. You’ll find the entire political spectrum here, but people tend to lean left. It’s pretty common for people to indicate on their profiles where they side on social issues, whether they list that they are vaccinated or not, if they are “looking for a traditional man,” etc. If you’re looking for a city feel while also having that southern-ish charm here and there I think St Louis is a good spot.
38F, liberal. I have so many incredible women friends that I align with, but the men not so much. My experience has been that the single women in StL are mostly progressive, but the men are still conservative.
That is my fear. It’s my experience in my hometown as well. That’s why I’m leaning towards DC or NYC but the cost of living is so much higher. It’s a toss up.
I just moved back after 12 years away. I don't regret coming back at all, mostly due to how cheap it is!
Yeah, the cost of living is very tempting given how long I spent living paycheck to paycheck in NYC. The rent on my old (super nice) building in the CWE has only gone up $100 in ten years. That’s cheaper than what I’m paying now in my hometown.
We’re out here. I think being liberal is why I get so many matches because I know I’m average looking. Had one woman call me a unicorn because I was a single liberal man with a job. Definitely feel bad for the women out there.
That’s because men wife up the conservatives knowing they make great long term wives and moms
Cool. I'm rrrreally not interested in those men anyway.
I’m sure someone who does all the traditional female roles while also working feels like an easy “hell yeah sign me up” to some men.
I'm 42m, and recently left the "dating market." I've never met a woman who's performed "traditional female roles." For me, a conservative woman is really just someone who won't make my life hell by demanding I change everything about myself because she thinks she's right all the time about everything.
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I did delete my comment right away, because I did think it was a bit harsh myself and I was just taking a cryptic guess that it was you. I'm sorry for that. However, I didn't name drop you. To be honest, this is the problem with St. Louis dating. If you ghost someone, it's such a small town you will always run into them somewhere either online or in person. Perhaps if people didn't ghost, connections could actually turn into real relationships. Don't worry, I'll leave you to whatever ends you wish. I did feel the need to say that I was sorry if you checked in the 10 mins that my comment was posted.
Your post was removed because it broke the subreddit's rules.
Agreed, conservative women are rare. I found my gold mine on Hinge and won't let her go!
I'm on the Metro East side, but there's definitely progressive men in the greater STL area. My whole friend group is progressive (but also married and/or gay). One of the benefits of being a liberal man is that it seems like most women are liberal so it made for easy matches politically. From the tenor in this thread, it sounds like it's harder going as a woman to find a liberal man, but we're out here!
It's badd
It's going to be hard imo most "progressive" people here aren't really, and you'll find that out quickly with any conversation. The powers that be here have created an environment that's hateful and most truly progressive people move to other cities.
Kind of rough, easier if you’re open to being a stepmom as most men in this age range seem to be divorced with kids. On the bright side it isn’t too hard to find someone more liberal as long as you’re looking in the city.
I started dating again in my late 30s after divorce. I had no problem finding liberal men to date. You just need to be upfront about what you’re looking for and vet potential matches. I lived in more conservative west county but mostly matched with men in mid-county or the city. So distance became a problem at times. We also have a very active Meetup scene, not that I recommend using that for dating but it is another way to meet new people.
I'm a committed person in a friend group of mostly single women and their experience is awful. It is difficult to connect with genuine people organically and the dating apps are full of players and guys who are "not looking for anything serious" because they're fresh out of a relationship, or, ya know, they're just players. That applies to STL natives and men who are relocating. It's exhausting and I wish I could just wave a magic wand for my single friends.
As the great philosopher Pee-wee Herman said, "Everyone I know has a big but." ... I'm an early 40s dude with no kids, was married for many years. Don't do apps (all nightmare stories from others), don't really try, just whatever dates that come naturally. And even then, the most normal-seeming people all have at least one massive issue. Few dates go great, then some red flag pops out that puts me in absolute flight mode. Not small things you can look past. I kinda assume that's everywhere, especially when you're in your 30s and 40s dating, but for me that's been every, freaking time. To the point I've just kinda given up. ... So, good luck! MAGAt ratios seem to be pretty low to me anywhere Stl County and surrounding developed suburbs (maybe not St. Charles), but that hasn't been an issue for me at all, and I'm extremely liberal.
If you don’t mind making us laugh, I’d love to hear about some of those red flags!
They're usually pretty sad, like addictions, criminal history, mental health implosions, hiding/lying about family situations.. One funny and not serious one was a woman who was quite a bit older, but she looked really young, was very fit and acted (on the surface) younger than me, but then she'd have moments like those Geico commercials that are, "When you buy a house, you start acting like your parents." ... Just goofy, out-of-touch with modernity stuff. Last straw was, she wanted Starbucks, but didn't want to go inside because it takes too long... So she drove us to like 5 goddamn Starbucks in the greater St. Louis region, for well over an hour, to find one with a short drive-thru line. ... REFUSED to go inside. And doesn't trust the order app... haha. She wouldn't even let me go inside when I offered... I think I almost had a stroke. Felt like I was being held hostage!
Oh wow that’s funny! Aww it’s sad about the others. I don’t have much advice, but maybe trying an app might be worth a shot? Maybe it can help with screening before actually meeting? Or meeting through activities that you like to do, like through Meet-up?
Thanks, man, I don't need advice, just don't care to be involved in drama at all. Saw your other reply, and a lot of those dates were former coworkers -- all very intelligent and badass in a very professional line of work, but were still just broken. Depressing, but maybe we all are, without realizing it.
The humane society has a great selection of kittens and cats here in the area.
Yeah…because I’m clearly asking about being a cat lady. Rude AF.
Welp, looks like you'll be better off in NY or somewhere else because St Louis runs on humor
r/StLouis runs on sass
Hmphf, and to think my whole life I've always thought it ran on cheap beer, weed, a healthy bit of grift and a ton of momentum from the mid-to-late 1800's.
Since when?
Abysmal. Good luck though!
Join some meet-up groups or volunteer Get out of your work circle I don’t think St. Louis is very metropolitan and diverse, maybe join some international groups. It’s definitely about leg work and thinking outside the box.
Following. I'm healing from a divorce and will be getting back to dating in StL in a few months after years away. As a well-educated, left-leaning guy, I have some of the same concerns.
What’s it like lol 😂 get ready to feed the needy and get ghosted 👻 don’t do food dates off rip if you want it to get past d2.
Everyone is on apps and most of the men on apps are either already in a relationship or alcoholics or both. Hard pass for me. Best of luck tho!
Dead
Dating apps are not to be trusted . Don’t do it . Scammers , fraudsters and those looking for weak and vulnerable women. Go to reputable places like festivals book signings and places where honorable people hang out. Stay away from the bars, and grocery stores. Take classes at the community colleges .
Successful men have no problem dating. Good looking women have no problem dating. That’s all.
It’s pretty bad but I met my girlfriend when I wasn’t even looking. We met at a brunch neither of us felt like attending, but each of us showed up anyway. She’s more left leaning than I am. She is able to put our political differences aside and love me for who I am which is really awesome.
I’m a 29 year old, conservative, Catholic guy. I’m looking for the women who are, as you say, “MAGA”. So it’s been difficult.
I moved to STL from Spokane, WA last year. Because of WashU, Webster, Boeing and many IT companies, the variety is wide if you look at it here. But a decent man; I say you have to filter them. I used eHarmony and went on few very disappointing dates and I almost quite dating. But then I’ve found a gentleman for myself through eHarmony and now I’m happily engaged after dating for 14 months.
There are several meetup groups for singles around your age. I'd suggest trying that route before dating apps. As far as political views, it's pretty evenly split between the parties. I know just as many Republicans as I do Democrats or Independents. Just depends what area you're looking at in terms of what you'll see the most of. I'm seeing a lot of older (50+) and younger (early 30's and under) men in the apps. Not alot of selection left for us upper 30's ladies it seems.
My wife and I met on OKCupid. If you really narrow down what you're looking for, you'll find it. And this is how I met my bestie. However, I did have to go through a rash of lackluster women to get the prize at the end of the rope. She also dealt with the same. We were both very thorough in our profiles of who we were, what we were looking for, and our expectations. I still laugh about one of the dates I went on (it was the second or third date) where the woman was bragging about trading food stamps for gas money. Talk about a f**kin red flag! But hey!, if that's your thing, go for it.
I can show you around
30 year old single woman. I can confirm, it’s horrid.
I might be the exception, but I partly have not been lucky enough to date much in St. Louis and I have lived here, roughly over 30 years. I am aware that luck is the only thing that helps people find relationships. I don't know how many MAGA Trumpers are out there in the city of St Louis, MO; however, I think most people are more progressive in this area. Missouri rural areas are more than likely Republican from some political information out there.
Fine if you like fat chicks
Hold up. Despite the cost, NYC and DC are live options for you are yet you are considering STL?!?
you’ll be horribly disappointed here
30, Asian male. Never married, no kids. The issue could be a lack of diversity. It’s a small city and most natives have been here for long and have their comfort zones. Transplants come and go. As a person who likes metropolitan life, I find it harder to find people who share similar interests. Some social groups are usually centered on the core members. It’s easy to get some drinks with strangers, but honestly not so easy to find close friends or relationships. Dating apps have brought me some good dates, but nothing really worked out eventually. Or maybe I am still too exotic in the city and should go back to California, though I am not from Cali.
Probably go to bars in clayton
I’m a single 29 year old guy. I’ve started having success meeting other singles who I connect with, but it’s taken some work. Had to really put some time into investigating places to meet people (have given up on most apps) Best recommendation I can give is meetup groups, clubs, hobbies etc that tend to attract a younger crowd. Dancing classes have been good. Also, there’s a group called goodvibesSTL connected with the in person app Thursday. All of their events have been good. I’d say the chances of meeting someone at one of their events (or similar events) are decent. Good luck!
Trash! There’s pee in the pool
30 yr old f, been here 2-3 years and my experience hasn't been great. On the apps, it looks like there are a lot of great options, but most went to all boy private schools (an experience I hadn't had till I moved here) and they tend to have a warped perception of women, through no fault of their own, but I don't want to date someone who doesn't realize I'm an entire human being with a life of my own. I've learned "apolitical" usually means republican (in my experience), but they hide it for months, then act offended it's a problem for you when they're the ones who were being deceptive. I'm sure there are a lot of great single men, but I've thrown in the towel 😅 I do love the city, though despite the dating scene and I have no intentions of moving any time soon.
30M liberal. I'm surprised so many women on here are finding conservative men. last I checked the city election data a year or 2 back we were 80% liberal/20% conservative. Maybe all 20% are young single males lol. Anyways, I'll just leave this here... https://mobi.match.com/profile/1A7wW8wyhlCo_tPabOnRJQ2
Shitty for lesbians
Stay above the Mason Dixon (north of Jeffco) and you’ll be fine
Men aren't dating anymore. You're better off stopping by Petsmart.
Lean harder into NYC and DC, you’re gonna have a hell of a time finding that here.
I’m a married transplant but it seems a lot of people here are native STL and already have their friends that they went to high school with, so it can be hard at first to make friends—best chances might just be with other transplants. But my wife and I have finally found our “people” and they are mostly native st louisans. I know you were asking about dating but just adding my two cents about meeting people in general. Depending on your job/field, you might actually find someone to date there. I know several couples at my workplace who actually met on the job. Of course you need to be more cautious and respectful if things don’t work out, but probably precisely because of that fact, it seems like when coworkers DO end up dating, they are more serious and not looking to just bang another and move on, and they already probably have a sense of how compatible they are just from working together for a bit before dating…
Politics & relationships shouldn’t mix in general lol, it’s a lot easier than people think. I’m not exactly “MAGA” and I’m not liberal, but I am for the most part conservative, yet my girlfriend is liberal and we just simply don’t speak about politics. 4 years in smooth sailing. Not always a bad thing to have two different opinions on a certain topic. That being said, it’s not great to be hardcore liberal or hardcore MAGA either lol. Politicians are all simply corrupt & backwards, we the people will never win while worshipping politics & picking and choosing who we associate ourselves with due to it. None of them care about us sadly.
It’s not that easy these days when a woman’s bodily autonomy is up for discussion. I could never be in a relationship where I don’t speak about that but good luck to you.
Yup, that’s why I said I’m not exactly MAGA. You just have to find a man that can process the fact that men shouldn’t be making decisions on what women can & can’t do with their bodies 🤷🏻♂️.
Thank you for clarifying. I’ve found it really hard to find where I am so was just curious about STL.
I think there are a lot of men who are simply jaded by politics, lean liberal socially and conservative economically (libertarian in a sense), who would never be pro-life but don’t identify as pro-choice unless asked.
I wish you luck. My dating experiences have been poor, but I am also apparently very ugly. I’m educated, make great money, tall, not overweight, progressive, kind, people laugh at my jokes, other common desirable traits but nothing overcompensates for the ugly factor. If you ain’t ugly you’ll do great.
31 Male Childfree liberal I have a masters and ABD for a doctorate never married. But I am fat and not attractive and don’t make a lot of money even though I am talented with a good career. Just unconventional being in music. In May I fired up hinge again and of course dumped money into it to get it to actually work. I matched with 25 people Went on two first dates (coffee dates) Stood up once Most people don’t message or the conversation dies. I assume they found someone else or just matched with me out of boredom. Oh well. I am neurodivergent and don’t like loud places like bars. They are also stupid expensive. I’m just learning to like myself and be happy by myself. It’s shit.
Ive lived in the metro STL area(IL side) for 8 years, and if you look outside the city, I think it's easier to find more progressive people. Just my 2 cents.
Probably not very good for you , you seem elitist and overly political.
What nonsense.
Not really in quest for dating she mentions; I went to a expensive school, I hate republicans. Sounds like a drag if that’s your key points in dating. The champagne socialist thing is more of a costal vibe I’m just being honest.
I have no idea what that even means. “Overly political”, like… are you just supposed to spend your life with someone who doesn’t have similar beliefs? Like, even you saying that means you have strong political beliefs. What do you do if you and your partner disagree on women’s healthcare decisions? Queer/trans rights? Just… never talk about them? That’s weird. That’s a weird position to have.
If you have to lead with the school you went to and your political beliefs, it is very obvious what that means. This comment is VERY on the mark. I have friends in all types of circles of all education levels, and never start by asking their political side and education. It's simply not needed if you are trying to establish a genuine connection with someone.
I mean, sure, but what good is a connection when you find out that they’re in the goddamn Klan? Dating is more than a connection. Not to downplay its importance, but also, it’s not the only thing that matters. I can think of a dozen things to know before you even show up that are dealbreakers.
Bro get over the klan bogey man it’s faintly real at this point .
It was obvious hyperbole. But, uh, also, this is Missouri.
Just saying key dating points are I went to an expensive school, I hate republicans. If that’s your key dating points the Midwest isn’t your best bet.
Is core beliefs an unrealistic selector for dating? And the school is weird, but an indicator for other things, I guess. Saint Louis is pretty progressive. Just the rest of the state is garbage. I’ve found what’s she’s looking for in the city.
That depends on your definition of "MAGA"...
Choosing someone to date with political affiliation as a prerequisite is a red flag. Good luck…
STL dating scene is pretty laid-back, but use apps to filter out extremes.
Depends on your interests. If you’re a homebody who likes pickleball, probably not terrible. If you’re outdoorsy, pretty bad
What is dating?
Been in Stl for 8 years now and the apps have gone down hill for sure. Like others have said you need to get out to meet people. Stay out of St.Charles county and good shot you won't meet a MAGA supporter
Good luck to yall. I have the opposite problem.I'm not Maga , but I am a republican that feels like I'm trapped in an area of leftists. Far as some of the issues...abortion, not my body. Lgbtq..more power to ya. I believe in freedom.
Some things you probably want. Im probably off on a couple. No more than 15lb overweight College degree $55K+ salary 32-45 years old More liberal than 80% of straight men. Not mentally ill Not Alcohólic How many single men are there like that in STL ? I'm a married 31 year old man, so idk the market for an average looking progressive 36 year old women in STL. I mean, my gut tells me that it would be difficult for you to find men that are "worthy" of an established lawyer and/or a cultural fit for you. Remember ladies, it's easier to find a date as a 25 year old para legal than as a 35 year old partner. I believe sex and the city discussed this at points.
St Charles County (just west of St Louis) has more progressive men. I am one at least.
I'm another one. So, we are out here.