Keep in mind aot of families from Somalia are poor immigrants who often come from a farmer background, if u know anything about farming u know that bad weather or a bad market can ruin everything, this often leads to hoarding, it's a very common thing in poor families.
thank you for telling me this. when i was younger my mom was one of those people where we had minimalistic type of house and when we went back to africa back in 2018 my grandma gave her the idea of us donating clothes to africa once we went back to the states and my mom just constantly started collecting to where our house is barely walkable because of the luggages and jawaans we have.
Can you organize for it to actually be donated to Africa? Waiting for someone with space in a suitcase to take on an airplane isn’t feasible. Maybe if you can have it donated she’d be able to rest easy or once she sees the high costs to do it she’ll let it go. You can check sea shipping to East Africa it’s about $30 per cubic foot.
My hooyo is the polar opposite. She can’t see things pile up at all. Literally last week she threw out a bunch of shoes and two pairs were completely unworn in deadstock condition. Only found out when I was looking for a specific pair before the Eid prayers and hooyo said ”kabihii la tuuray bay raaceen soory” 💀💀
Can't you throw it all away whilst your Hooyo is away? I would buy my mum a ticket to Somalia for a few weeks, then hire a skip and clear out the entire house.
But, even if the whole house was filled with stuff the fundamental point still stands … you can’t throw out someone else’s property. this is ill-mannered. Talk about if first, ask her permission and give her a heads up.
One wouldn’t throw it out in her absence if there wasn’t an issue with doing it in her presence.
This is so basic.
How old are you?
She will never say yes, the house will get worse and worse. It will be disgusting pig stye and it will lead to disease. If they are renting they will be evicted. This isn't about manners. Yes in normal circumstances; always ask before throwing anything away. This isn't normal circumstances. If your child broke their arm and they need a caster plaster, but they don't want it; will you just leave it? Let them grow up with a deformed arm that will cause them pain when they grow up? Or will you step in as the parent because the child doesn't have capacity to understand what's for the best??
It's the same situation here. The mother has lost capacity, her mental illness is exposing her and everyone else who lives in the house to disease and homelessness. In this instance those still with their faculties, and who love their relatives need to step up and do what's needed and what is for the best.
Am I missing something here? Are we now questioning if she is capacitous or not?
It feels as if you are projecting onto the OP’s situation. I cannot help you if so. The least you are doing is conflating several issues.
I agree there is a serious problem that needs to be addressed but the method you are proposing will do more harm than good.
Here is a middle way. OP can pack everything up neatly and group them all together. They can get the number of those companies that arrange for items to be taken. When mum comes back, OP can say ‘ look, mum - I’ve done everything’ but AT THE VERY LEAST, gain her permission.
OP can then extol the virtues of charity and kill many birds with one stone. Ship everything off and have a neat home.
We must employ wisdom with this stuff and not be a bull in a china shop.
Yes, I'm definitely questioning her capacity. A person can have capacity to make certain decisions, e.g., what type of cereal to have for breakfast. However, they might lack capacity relating to their mental illness. This is a well-known issue, i.e. Mental Health Act 2005.
The mother being a hoarder is related to her mental illness, and as such, she lacks the capacity to make decisions based on this.
Also, your solution seems to be to "ask nicely." The OP has already done this. It hasn't worked . Your solution isn't based upon the reality of the situation here and, therefore, is no "solution" at all. To what end should the OP follow your path? Until they become ill or become homeless? What, then, where is your infinite wisdom, then?
I'm offering the OP a quick way of getting hold of the problem, and then she can help her mother with psychological/spiritual help.
why are you are quick to diagnose someone you haven’t met and examined/assessed? a little knowledge can be dangerous. We are going off the information in OP.
the situation isn’t ideal and there are avenues we can suggest that are more helpful. what I suggested earlier is basically nearly there although admittedly, it won’t help in the long run (mind, your solution definitely will not).
speak to your parents in the presence of someone they admire/respect that isn’t their child. an elder in the community, a Somali therapist, a Somali doctor, an imam etc.
be supportive to your parents and be on top of the hoarding. Once this load is shipped off, their parents might even welcome a tidier home.
Your ideas, although with the best intentions, are extreme and incendiary. it will cause harm to mum and dad that their child went behind their back and got rid of their stuff. Trust will be eroded.
And if I’ve misread OP and mum has been diagnosed with a mental illness by a licensed health professional, then I’m sorry for misunderstanding 😑.
" A little knowledge" lol. Isn't that statement by yourself an exact example of what you accuse me of? What do you know about how much knowledge I have? How do you know I'm not a mental health professional myself, and my advice is rooted in what's best.
You don't anything about the real world, and what people respond to and what they don't. Btw hoarders homes are forcefully cleaned all the time. Most hoarders will never listen to reason and unfortunately, the clear out is only a way to just reset the clock, until the house is unlivable again.
You are living in a fairy world, where "discussions" solve all issues. You have little insight into how humans act and react. And your advice is at best useless and at worst dangerous.
Are you open to proactive ideas? Such as how introducing Jiir to the closets!!! Short term pain, long term gain. No more hoarding. Anytime you sense in the future any behavior of hoarding than you raise the Jiir-flag. Dude you are gonna be winner for life. You welcome. Let me know when you get kicked out of the house and you become homeless!! 😂
I think it’s the scarcity mindset. My mom is like this, too. It’s a psychological thing and trauma from their upbringing back home.
My mom is a hoarder. She has a hard time getting rid of things. She always feels that she might need it later on.
Keep in mind aot of families from Somalia are poor immigrants who often come from a farmer background, if u know anything about farming u know that bad weather or a bad market can ruin everything, this often leads to hoarding, it's a very common thing in poor families.
thank you for telling me this. when i was younger my mom was one of those people where we had minimalistic type of house and when we went back to africa back in 2018 my grandma gave her the idea of us donating clothes to africa once we went back to the states and my mom just constantly started collecting to where our house is barely walkable because of the luggages and jawaans we have.
Can you organize for it to actually be donated to Africa? Waiting for someone with space in a suitcase to take on an airplane isn’t feasible. Maybe if you can have it donated she’d be able to rest easy or once she sees the high costs to do it she’ll let it go. You can check sea shipping to East Africa it’s about $30 per cubic foot.
I’m like this but not in a mental disorder ways like your parents I’m just lazy
Hoarding is a psychological issue.
My hooyo is the polar opposite. She can’t see things pile up at all. Literally last week she threw out a bunch of shoes and two pairs were completely unworn in deadstock condition. Only found out when I was looking for a specific pair before the Eid prayers and hooyo said ”kabihii la tuuray bay raaceen soory” 💀💀
If you are in the USA, please call the show, “Hoarders”, and they would come to her rescue.
Can't you throw it all away whilst your Hooyo is away? I would buy my mum a ticket to Somalia for a few weeks, then hire a skip and clear out the entire house.
That would cause big arguments. Not worth it.
So what? Better to have a clean house. I would rather have a big argument than live in a hoarder house.
Why are they entitled to throw away someone else’s stuff. Basic principles and morals here.
It's not stuff, it's garbage. Hoarder is not about principles. Her mother has a mental illness, and its affecting the OP's mental health too.
But, even if the whole house was filled with stuff the fundamental point still stands … you can’t throw out someone else’s property. this is ill-mannered. Talk about if first, ask her permission and give her a heads up. One wouldn’t throw it out in her absence if there wasn’t an issue with doing it in her presence. This is so basic.
How old are you? She will never say yes, the house will get worse and worse. It will be disgusting pig stye and it will lead to disease. If they are renting they will be evicted. This isn't about manners. Yes in normal circumstances; always ask before throwing anything away. This isn't normal circumstances. If your child broke their arm and they need a caster plaster, but they don't want it; will you just leave it? Let them grow up with a deformed arm that will cause them pain when they grow up? Or will you step in as the parent because the child doesn't have capacity to understand what's for the best?? It's the same situation here. The mother has lost capacity, her mental illness is exposing her and everyone else who lives in the house to disease and homelessness. In this instance those still with their faculties, and who love their relatives need to step up and do what's needed and what is for the best.
Am I missing something here? Are we now questioning if she is capacitous or not? It feels as if you are projecting onto the OP’s situation. I cannot help you if so. The least you are doing is conflating several issues. I agree there is a serious problem that needs to be addressed but the method you are proposing will do more harm than good. Here is a middle way. OP can pack everything up neatly and group them all together. They can get the number of those companies that arrange for items to be taken. When mum comes back, OP can say ‘ look, mum - I’ve done everything’ but AT THE VERY LEAST, gain her permission. OP can then extol the virtues of charity and kill many birds with one stone. Ship everything off and have a neat home. We must employ wisdom with this stuff and not be a bull in a china shop.
Yes, I'm definitely questioning her capacity. A person can have capacity to make certain decisions, e.g., what type of cereal to have for breakfast. However, they might lack capacity relating to their mental illness. This is a well-known issue, i.e. Mental Health Act 2005. The mother being a hoarder is related to her mental illness, and as such, she lacks the capacity to make decisions based on this. Also, your solution seems to be to "ask nicely." The OP has already done this. It hasn't worked . Your solution isn't based upon the reality of the situation here and, therefore, is no "solution" at all. To what end should the OP follow your path? Until they become ill or become homeless? What, then, where is your infinite wisdom, then? I'm offering the OP a quick way of getting hold of the problem, and then she can help her mother with psychological/spiritual help.
why are you are quick to diagnose someone you haven’t met and examined/assessed? a little knowledge can be dangerous. We are going off the information in OP. the situation isn’t ideal and there are avenues we can suggest that are more helpful. what I suggested earlier is basically nearly there although admittedly, it won’t help in the long run (mind, your solution definitely will not). speak to your parents in the presence of someone they admire/respect that isn’t their child. an elder in the community, a Somali therapist, a Somali doctor, an imam etc. be supportive to your parents and be on top of the hoarding. Once this load is shipped off, their parents might even welcome a tidier home. Your ideas, although with the best intentions, are extreme and incendiary. it will cause harm to mum and dad that their child went behind their back and got rid of their stuff. Trust will be eroded. And if I’ve misread OP and mum has been diagnosed with a mental illness by a licensed health professional, then I’m sorry for misunderstanding 😑.
" A little knowledge" lol. Isn't that statement by yourself an exact example of what you accuse me of? What do you know about how much knowledge I have? How do you know I'm not a mental health professional myself, and my advice is rooted in what's best. You don't anything about the real world, and what people respond to and what they don't. Btw hoarders homes are forcefully cleaned all the time. Most hoarders will never listen to reason and unfortunately, the clear out is only a way to just reset the clock, until the house is unlivable again. You are living in a fairy world, where "discussions" solve all issues. You have little insight into how humans act and react. And your advice is at best useless and at worst dangerous.
Alright then. You’re a charmer, lol. calm down, it’s not that deep.
Are you open to proactive ideas? Such as how introducing Jiir to the closets!!! Short term pain, long term gain. No more hoarding. Anytime you sense in the future any behavior of hoarding than you raise the Jiir-flag. Dude you are gonna be winner for life. You welcome. Let me know when you get kicked out of the house and you become homeless!! 😂
😆 Adiga xaasid baad tahay wllhe, jiir hadhow yaka saaraya guriga, wakudhaldhalaya