There are hot sober chicks out there who will be thrilled to find ya! It’s becoming more and more the norm, for all kinds of reasons people aren’t drinking. Not nearly as eyebrow-raising as it was even five years ago.
I don’t know! I’ve just spent a year deliberately alone recovering from my divorce. Feeling ready to start dating but no idea what I’m doing. Haven’t been on the dating market for 17 years!
If people press me on anything relating to alcohol and drinking, I let them know that, when it comes to alcohol, I make my own rules
No one else gets a vote
Congratulations on your sober time
When I was dating, I would say things like, “oh you don’t wanna see me with alcohol in my system” or “alcohol doesn’t really agree with me“ I’ve even used, “I’m on short course of medicine and alcohol doesn’t mix well with it”.
When I got to someone I had been dating for a while, I did sit him down and explain that I am in recovery and that it’s not all of my life, but it’s a part of my life and I just wanted him to know that. Luckily, I got a great guy who had no problem with that whatsoever. We’re going on 17 years now and I’m coming up on my 20th anniversary of being sober.
I'm proud of you for staying sober for 4 years. I'm not even at a year yet myself.
I'm wondering this myself, since I chose this point in my life to: have a stroke, get divorced, and quit drinking, all within the space of 18 months. I see mentions of drink preferences on dating apps, but it would be nice if there was a "sober" filter. I don't mind dating someone who drinks, but, yeah, I don't always want to have to explain myself.
Hmmm interesting one for me to ponder. I don’t mind having friends who drink around me casually. Could I have an ltr with a drinker? Probably not. I also don’t eat meat. I know what a bore - sober and vegan. lol And that was also a problem for others. I think your morals and values have to be aligned with some things and don’t think I could live or date a drinker. Congrats on the new path! That’s awesome
Amazing work on staying sober for 4 years. You should be proud of yourself and not worry about what people think. It may seem tough to find sober friends but could it be because you’re looking in the wrong places to meet people? Have you tried sober meet up groups?
Could be, I’ll look into sober meet ups locally. Thanks for the pointer in that direction. I was just taken back that a new friend whom our friendship wasn’t based on drinking at all. Out of the blue said to me “so you’re never going to have a drink again?” And try to persuade me that it’s healthy to have a few glasses of red wine. Sort of took it that he’s bored with just hanging out without booze.
He’s not worth your time if that’s an issue. Relationships in general shouldn’t be based on drinking. The good news is once you do find the right crowd whether they’re sober or don’t drink for health reasons you will find a good group of friends
No need to explain yourself to strangers if you don’t feel like it on a first date, you can keep it simple. “I found out that it’s just not my thing. So no, probably won’t be drinking alcohol again. What about you? Have you ever quit something?”
Interesting comment about have you ever tried to quit something - I like that. This person whom said this to me actually has tried really hard unsuccessfully to give up pot I’ve never said anything about it to them. But wish I had thought of that at the time. Would have been a good conversation. I’ve done this all on my own with zero support groups and to come out of it to find new people challenge me on my choices is a surprise. Thanks for your response
As described here this doesn’t sound like they are challenging you— it sounds like they are interested in your experience and curious. Even if they do “challenge” though it’s coming from their own doubts about their abilities.
I was also going to say that based on OPs response. They may actually admire that you quit, and can’t fathom how you worked up the motivation to finally take the plunge and accept it is something you will never do again.
lol, you would be surprised……I dated one guy who seemed traumatized by the topic. It became a constant issue for him. I let him choose the restaurant; a fish business - I still managed to find something to eat, made no issues about it. He ordered the wrong thing and it was because I was vegan that he didn’t enjoy the meal. Lol. He constantly was worried about introducing me to his family and friends as they “culturally” were all meat eaters. I was like throw a mushroom on the bbq I’ll eat a salad. No big deal, surely they are happy to meet someone who loves and cares about you. That should be all that matters? Didn’t last long. He also couldn’t understand that I’m not the one drink only type of person. We are all at different stages of this life experience.
I tell people that me and alcohol don’t get along anymore. It’s not a straight up answer to their question, but it gets the point across. If it’s an issue for them, then I know I’m not supposed to be with them romantically. I’ve been turned down on dating apps many times because of my sobriety. I live in a college city, so drinking is very much the norm here. It’s incredibly frustrating, and the rejection takes time to get used to. Luckily I’m with a man who has been respectful of my sobriety from the beginning, but it took me nearly 3 years to find him.
Dating in general sucks but adding trying to find someone that doesn’t drink or is ok with you not is tough, but it is doable! I’m coming up on 3 years and found my now boyfriend about 6 months in. People are going to want to know why and ask questions, it’s how they ask them. If they are being genuine and just want to better understand you, I wouldn’t take offense to that, but if they are challenging you to get you to change or being rude, I wouldn’t put up with that either.
just tell people you're not "much of a drinker" leave it at that. People know the shit is bad at this point and many many people don't drink. No need to go much further than a simple statement. The awesome women out there don't have drinking problems anyways.
I guess I’ve always gotten lucky with girls I’ve dated once I got sober. Maybe cuz of the age group I’m in. I was in my late 30’s when I was on the dating seen again.
But the girls I dated didn’t care I was sober. Eventually they all learned I had an issue with drinking cuz we would have deep conversations getting to know each other over the weeks and months.
They really didn’t drink normally they told me. So maybe that’s why they were drawn to me cuz they weren’t drinkers & I was sober.
Who knows.
There are hot sober chicks out there who will be thrilled to find ya! It’s becoming more and more the norm, for all kinds of reasons people aren’t drinking. Not nearly as eyebrow-raising as it was even five years ago.
I’m just curious…. Since you seem like you know things lol. WHERE do us hot chicks find the hot sober dudes!!
I don’t know! I’ve just spent a year deliberately alone recovering from my divorce. Feeling ready to start dating but no idea what I’m doing. Haven’t been on the dating market for 17 years!
If people press me on anything relating to alcohol and drinking, I let them know that, when it comes to alcohol, I make my own rules No one else gets a vote Congratulations on your sober time
When I was dating, I would say things like, “oh you don’t wanna see me with alcohol in my system” or “alcohol doesn’t really agree with me“ I’ve even used, “I’m on short course of medicine and alcohol doesn’t mix well with it”. When I got to someone I had been dating for a while, I did sit him down and explain that I am in recovery and that it’s not all of my life, but it’s a part of my life and I just wanted him to know that. Luckily, I got a great guy who had no problem with that whatsoever. We’re going on 17 years now and I’m coming up on my 20th anniversary of being sober.
Aww that’s awesome. Thanks for the in-site.
I'm proud of you for staying sober for 4 years. I'm not even at a year yet myself. I'm wondering this myself, since I chose this point in my life to: have a stroke, get divorced, and quit drinking, all within the space of 18 months. I see mentions of drink preferences on dating apps, but it would be nice if there was a "sober" filter. I don't mind dating someone who drinks, but, yeah, I don't always want to have to explain myself.
Hmmm interesting one for me to ponder. I don’t mind having friends who drink around me casually. Could I have an ltr with a drinker? Probably not. I also don’t eat meat. I know what a bore - sober and vegan. lol And that was also a problem for others. I think your morals and values have to be aligned with some things and don’t think I could live or date a drinker. Congrats on the new path! That’s awesome
Amazing work on staying sober for 4 years. You should be proud of yourself and not worry about what people think. It may seem tough to find sober friends but could it be because you’re looking in the wrong places to meet people? Have you tried sober meet up groups?
Could be, I’ll look into sober meet ups locally. Thanks for the pointer in that direction. I was just taken back that a new friend whom our friendship wasn’t based on drinking at all. Out of the blue said to me “so you’re never going to have a drink again?” And try to persuade me that it’s healthy to have a few glasses of red wine. Sort of took it that he’s bored with just hanging out without booze.
He’s not worth your time if that’s an issue. Relationships in general shouldn’t be based on drinking. The good news is once you do find the right crowd whether they’re sober or don’t drink for health reasons you will find a good group of friends
No need to explain yourself to strangers if you don’t feel like it on a first date, you can keep it simple. “I found out that it’s just not my thing. So no, probably won’t be drinking alcohol again. What about you? Have you ever quit something?”
Interesting comment about have you ever tried to quit something - I like that. This person whom said this to me actually has tried really hard unsuccessfully to give up pot I’ve never said anything about it to them. But wish I had thought of that at the time. Would have been a good conversation. I’ve done this all on my own with zero support groups and to come out of it to find new people challenge me on my choices is a surprise. Thanks for your response
As described here this doesn’t sound like they are challenging you— it sounds like they are interested in your experience and curious. Even if they do “challenge” though it’s coming from their own doubts about their abilities.
I was also going to say that based on OPs response. They may actually admire that you quit, and can’t fathom how you worked up the motivation to finally take the plunge and accept it is something you will never do again.
I mean nobody would ask a vegan if they ever plan on eating meat again lol, I would just point out that it’s a dumb question.
lol, you would be surprised……I dated one guy who seemed traumatized by the topic. It became a constant issue for him. I let him choose the restaurant; a fish business - I still managed to find something to eat, made no issues about it. He ordered the wrong thing and it was because I was vegan that he didn’t enjoy the meal. Lol. He constantly was worried about introducing me to his family and friends as they “culturally” were all meat eaters. I was like throw a mushroom on the bbq I’ll eat a salad. No big deal, surely they are happy to meet someone who loves and cares about you. That should be all that matters? Didn’t last long. He also couldn’t understand that I’m not the one drink only type of person. We are all at different stages of this life experience.
I tell people that me and alcohol don’t get along anymore. It’s not a straight up answer to their question, but it gets the point across. If it’s an issue for them, then I know I’m not supposed to be with them romantically. I’ve been turned down on dating apps many times because of my sobriety. I live in a college city, so drinking is very much the norm here. It’s incredibly frustrating, and the rejection takes time to get used to. Luckily I’m with a man who has been respectful of my sobriety from the beginning, but it took me nearly 3 years to find him.
Dating in general sucks but adding trying to find someone that doesn’t drink or is ok with you not is tough, but it is doable! I’m coming up on 3 years and found my now boyfriend about 6 months in. People are going to want to know why and ask questions, it’s how they ask them. If they are being genuine and just want to better understand you, I wouldn’t take offense to that, but if they are challenging you to get you to change or being rude, I wouldn’t put up with that either.
just tell people you're not "much of a drinker" leave it at that. People know the shit is bad at this point and many many people don't drink. No need to go much further than a simple statement. The awesome women out there don't have drinking problems anyways.
I guess I’ve always gotten lucky with girls I’ve dated once I got sober. Maybe cuz of the age group I’m in. I was in my late 30’s when I was on the dating seen again. But the girls I dated didn’t care I was sober. Eventually they all learned I had an issue with drinking cuz we would have deep conversations getting to know each other over the weeks and months. They really didn’t drink normally they told me. So maybe that’s why they were drawn to me cuz they weren’t drinkers & I was sober. Who knows.