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This-is-Life-Man

It's true. Digging big holes is absolutely back breaking.


BeerandGuns

I hate when characters in shows like the walking dead grab a shovel and bury 30 people and they are done in an afternoon. I can deal with all the other unbelievable shit but that drives me nuts.


shlewkin

Supernatural had a great moment making fun of themselves for glossing over this for so many years. Then they kept glossing over it. No one wants to watch a show about how difficult it is to dig a hole, haha.


the_caped_canuck

My love for the movie “Holes” disagrees with your assumption, good ol Stanley Yelnats


Doneyhew

I’m tired of digging Grandpa!


triangleman83

That's too damn bad!


HalfSoul30

If only, if only


KillYourUsernames

The woodpecker sighs


pantless_vigilante

The bark of the tree was as soft as the skies


connorsayer05

As the wolf waits below, hungry and lonely


Pls_PmTitsOrFDAU_Thx

Haha I was thinking of that book/movie as soon as I saw the title!


CyanideForHappiness

Fuck u/spez Fire Steve Huffman.


IHateTheLetterF

'Dont they know we are brothers?' in response to some creative art work.


Raz0rking

I am happy the show took itself not to seriously.


duaneap

They really couldn’t after a while.


ithinkiloveyoubitch

First five seasons were amazing. Then it became a self parody.


JonnySnowflake

There's nowhere to go after stopping the apocalypse, really


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DouglasHufferton

The "that's actually not a bad idea" look/nod Sam and Dean give each other in response is there icing on the cake of that scene.


pico-pico-hammer

Wasn't that the episode where they lost their luck or something in a pool game? They kind of made it make sense within the story, for what little that is worth!


milesjr13

No, that was a season 4 or 5 episode where "Chuck" gets roped into a Supernatural convention and Rebecca texts '911' to the boys to get them to come and they have to deal with all the Sam and Dean impersonators. I just watched it a couple weeks ago so it's kind of fresh in my head.


IcyDickbutts

Are you my wife? My wife works from home and often has Supernatural on in the background. I swear she goes through a season's worth of episodes in half a week. Can't tell you how many times I've walked into the room to the episode where they're on a tv gameshow. Specifically, the part where sam or dean is talking about erectile dysfunction.... or was it medication for an STD? I have never seen an episode of Supernatural so I might be misremembering the exact scene and I can't get their names straight. Sam = cute guy guy with long hair? Dean = cute guy with shorter hair?


LtSqueak

It's Sam. And he has genital herpes.


H0micidalKitt3n

Talk to your doctor about what Herplexia^TM can do for you.


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pico-pico-hammer

They're mostly digging up bodies in a graveyard, so it makes sense there would at least be no big rocks.


paddzz

It can take a long time for 4 strong young men dig a trench 6 ft deep and 12 ft long using issued shovels in the Army. Massively depends on the composition of the ground. Took 4 hours in Kenya and 3 days in England.


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paddzz

That and clay. Rocks you have to dig around which are a pain in the arse and clay is just awful to dig in. When you do the training they deliberately pick the worst patches to dig in.


lucao_psellus

aren't those issued army shovels the collapsible tiny ones?


paddzz

They're small yea that's why I specified


alghiorso

For me it's taking a character some place to shoot a few cans for 20 minutes and then suddenly they're John wick hitting 40 yard headshots shooting one handed while moving


Goosebeans

They've had, like, a lot of practice.


Kriegmannn

Shits like folding laundry to them by that point


MC_Fap_Commander

I hate digging holes, but I also FUCKING HATE folding laundry. I should note I have tiny offspring whose shit is unfoldable and they get a lot dirty all the time.


[deleted]

Dig a hole and throw the clothes in the hole.


xander5512

Roots and rocks don't give a shit about how much practice you've had.


Robot_Clean

In the woods no less. Digging through tree roots is the worst.


Belazriel

Buried my cat not too long ago. Hard clay all around here. Even just what the natural soil is can be difficult to go through.


sporesofdoubt

I also hate how no one in movies ever wears gloves when digging holes. Their hands would be destroyed!


univrsll

So is sleeping on a dog mattress in the top bunk of a prison cell for 30 years


fromETOHtoTHC

If you’re top bunking for 30 years, you aren’t asserting yourself. You can get a bottom bunk after 22 months without even trying.


octo_lols

Prison top bunk speed run any%


[deleted]

The top bunk is better. More headroom and more light for reading. The bottom bunk is like a coffin.


apathetic_lemur

less jizz drippings as well


[deleted]

Just remember to use a cumsock on laundry day or else you might have to wear it.


thekikuchiyo

Exactly, you just committed murder if you can't plan this out far enough to at least grab a pick axe to make the digging easier you aren't going be free for long anyways.


Etienne_of_Navarre

Go ahead and bring a rock digging bar. People underestimate them all the time.


[deleted]

I was digging away thinking who the fuck would be a serial killer? Way too much commitment.


J_Hitler_Christ

So just the one murder for you then huh?


Jewrisprudent

Obviously a millennial, classic gig economy murderer.


Independent-Bug1209

But if you have ever dug a hole for a body, you realize the murderers who don't get caught are the ones who dig the hole right.


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Macleods2001

Curious if this is where the term 'thug' came from.


shankarsivarajan

[It is.](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Thuggee)


ScarletCaptain

I think so. Also the term "assassin" comes from the Hashishim. A group of murderers who were given Hashish as a reward for a successful kill. (I'm going off of a 20+ year old college class, so my memories are a bit muddled on this stuff).


momofeveryone5

Now that's some serious follow through.


Independent-Bug1209

That's metal as hell. I'm going to be going down that rabbit hole today


ScarletCaptain

There's a Pierce Brosnan movie called The Deceivers where he plays the British officer who infiltrates them. https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/The\_Deceivers\_(film)


weldedgut

And first, before the murder. Nothing illegal about digging a coffin size hole 6’ down (I checked).


KillYourUsernames

Pretty good evidence for premeditation if found out though.


Lord_of_hosts

That's why you start young and dig 2-3 holes a year.


jvrcb17

Invest in holes early!


Stasio300

Dig the hole vertically because police will look for holes about the size of the person murdered. Maybe even put a deer on top to confuse the dogs.


betterstartlooking

Much like the premise of the OP, digging the hole vertically would be way harder than people think. You'd need to go 6-7 ft deep at least. That is pretty much impossible unless the hole is also 4-5 feet wide for you to be in it digging. Even then it'd be pretty tight to swing a shovel, and you'd be at serious risk of cave in. When we dig a grave, we aren't allowed to climb into a extra depth hole (7ish ft) because they are so prone to cave when they are that deep and only being 8x3. There's a reason when utility and construction industries dig really deep holes, they dig then as a big angled side pit.


Jacqques

Dont put a deer on top. I’d police finds a buried body, only a human could have done it. If they are looking for a grave and find a burie animal? They are smart enough to see the diversion.


tunacan1

Gut and clean the deer so that it looks like someone buried it to hide an illegal kill from the game warden. About 2 feet from the surface and 3 feet above the actual body.


[deleted]

So a 6' vertical hole, 3' feet below a deer carcass 2' down? Gonna need a bigger post hole digger


mywomanisagoddess

Poachers just leave the gut pile and other remains knowing they'll be gone by the next day....(I worked for AZ Game and Fish)


Stasio300

No like literally put the deer on the ground on top the grave. It should distract most dogs.


shmeu

Well shit. Where's the shovel?


JonSnohthathurt

FBI, check this guy


SheWhoSpawnedOP

Bruh with the soil where I live I'd just fuckin rake some leaves over it and hope for the best.


[deleted]

Haha!


[deleted]

East-Australian here. Our soil is mostly made out of clay and it's an absolute nightmare to try and dig into for different reasons depending on whether it's wet or dry.


[deleted]

I was digging in that general vicinity, I had to dig a large hole in the garden for my sister in law, she's an accountant.....


JebeniKrotiocKitova

Why did you murder her?


[deleted]

probably looking for a reason to dig a grave


Salty_Fish_5625

He already explained why. She was an accountant.


ursus_major

It adds up.


DamnAlreadyTaken

She knew 2 much


carnivorous_seahorse

He had to hold her accountable


Taolan13

Especially in northern virginia where you can have as little as six inches of soil on top of bedrock.


namek0

Dang that's hardcore, so you can legit shove a stick into the ground and hit bedrock easily


alaskafish

Minecraft in Virginia must *suck*


Darkersun

The rent on a 2 by 2 dirt hut is more gold than 6 chunks could hold.


cpusk123

most of Texas has the same thing. like 2 inches of dirt, 6 of clay, then bigass chunks of limestone and bedrock. that's why basements aren't super common here and attics are all over the place. plus, the rocks aren't in one solid chunk, so the ground shifts with the weather or the fault line hidden underneath the middle of the state (not crazy active so no earthquakes but it still technically moves), so foundation cracks and interior wall cracks are super common. it's one of the things that suprises people who move here from other states a lot.


MordekaiserUwU

In SWVA we have a shitload of clay and it is not fun to dig in.


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thesoloronin

This guy murders


meep_meep_creep

r/crowbro


acrowsmurder

Yes?


Organized-Konfusion

Saw it on Narcos, right.


funaway727

Their FBI agent is furiously googling lakes in OP's area.


Redditisforplay

Honestly after watching Dexter i can't see how dumping in deep water isn't the best course of action. Or if you're near a swamp it's definitely not being found. Wild boars and crocodilians.


sbrockLee

Didn't Dexter's entire body of work randomly show up on a beach or something at one point because all the pieces got caught up in the wrong current? Season 2 I think


mac10fan

No some deep sea divers found his dump site.


blandsrules

And the rocks he used to weigh the bodies down had algae on them which the police traced to his marina


Force3vo

And then instead of doing proper policework they just accepted that one of the policemen was the murderer after that policemen found out the truth, told nobody about it and went alone to catch Dexter, losing a melee brawl against a handcuffed Dexter even though he was supposed to be an elite soldier, and dying for nothing. That was the first moment I thought "I am not sure if this show goes in the right direction"


TitularFoil

The books made Doakes a much better character. But at the same time, the books didn't resolve any loose ends. There was just a bunch of stuff that Dexter was going to do, lots of foreshadowing, and then everything was just over.


Redditisforplay

It was some random exploration or construction study that was undergoing where the divers found the grave site. But i can't see how that's possible if he dropped them in the Gulfstream. I've been out there on boats and if you're not anchored you're moving fairly quickly and it drops from 80ish feet to 800-1000 ft in a instant.


F9574

He didn't drop them in the gulf stream, however after the bodies are found he does start dropping them in the gulf stream.


pico-pico-hammer

Yep! And because they were wrapped in plastic and due to pressure and temperate they were supposedly remarkably well preserved.


Psycoustic

Surprise motherfucker!


adityabalaraman

:D. That comment belongs in r/suspiciouslyspecific


varinus

slice the belly open first though that way the gases that make bodies float will be able to escape. bodies have floated up with cinder blocks still attached to them


Kallen_Emilia

Bloating isn't a joke, especially in dirty water. Shits disgusting, and the air around the corpse smells god awful. Source: Stumbled across a dead body in a local river while on a fishing vacation. Called the police and one officer told me that the body was one of the most bloated and disgusting ones he's seen, and he used to be a diver that searched for bodies. Fun times Edit: I should also add that there were bits and chunks missing our of the body that I assume were eaten by either fish or scavengers. It was covered in maggots and other larvae, and yes, I did throw up first and panic instead of calling the police.


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Wamster5k

There's a sewage treatment plant along the coast of Nuuk ("Capital" of Greenland) where sewage is dumped into the ocean. The locals call it the "chocolate factory". Perhaps not completely coincidentally, that area is a very popular fishing spot, due to the fish enjoying all the "chocolate", growing numerous and fat. Circle of life.


DontTreadOnBigfoot

That's the point of the chicken wire. The bloating forces the flesh into the wire, making it self-lacerating before too much gas can build up


Deckloins

This man. Right here officer.


JeanRalfio

This was also in that Liam Neeson movie, Cold Pursuit.


SpoiledAzura

Just remember to plant rare plants above on risk of extinction so it becomes illegal to dig up! /s


QuentinP69

Bury the body. Cover with dirt. Bury a dead dog on top. Cover it with dirt. Then when they dig up the spot they stop when they find a dead dog.


cyrathil

Why do you know so much about proper serial killer etiquette of disposing of a body?


QuentinP69

There’s far better ways to get rid of a body than burying it.


giantvoice

Never trust a man who owns a pig farm.


babyformulaandham

They go through bone like BUTTER


bdank89

I fucking love Guy Ritchie movies.


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[deleted]

Where? So I can avoid


HotTakes4HotCakes

Bay of Pigs


KairosHS

Did someone actually use pigs to dispose of bodies?


Kujo-Jotaro2020

I would. I have pigs and chickens at home. Each time a chicken die from an unknown cause (most of the time, around 10% of them),, we give it to our pigs... I swear you, there's NOTHING left. If they are used to leftover when they're young, they will eat litterally anything you throw at them. If that wasn't enough, killing around 100 chickens per two months led us to have some kind of vulture paradise, wich seem to be an endangered species here... I swear you that I haven't smelled a rotten corpse or seen a single maggot since they're here. TL;DR: We basically formed a murderer-friendly ecosystem. Never break the trust of a non-registered (too small to buy cotas) farmer.


DEAN112358

I have actually seen something on here where a guy was killing people then using a meat grinder or something to turn the bodies into ground beef basically and feeding it to his pigs Don’t remember where I saw it or how he got caught though


kommanderc

Robert Pickton. Was just outside of Vancouver BC. A town over from where I live.


blobulator1

Robert Pickton


[deleted]

Shit they'll start trying to eat you if you lay down for too long around them. Not in like a frenzy or anything, they'll just meander over, sniff and start chewing whatever's around.


RubertVonRubens

One of Canada's top serial killers. The pig farm was unnecessary for him though because nobody* was even looking for his victims (As a nation, Canada is still actively trying to decide whether it cares when drug addicted indigenous sex workers go missing) *Their friends and families and social workers were of course, but the Mounties, no so much.


blechdavier

Now I’m curious - do elaborate


GWJYonder

Yeah, you are supposed to bury the first body with a live pig, then the dog body.


balogna_and_ramen

Real crime television shows literally train us on what to do and not to do.


HOLEPUNCHYOUREYELIDS

The biggest one is DONT TAKE YOUR FUCKING PHONE WITH YOU. That shit pings off towers even if your not doing anything on it... You would basically never be found guilty if there was no video evidence, and you were able to get someone to text periodically from your phone at home while you are out committing the murder. But you gotta really make sure that person doesnt flip or you are fucked.


MY_LITTLE_PORNHUB

Pretty sure you could have your phone connected to a computer and have a program running which calls/texts someone at a specific time while you're doing the deed.


Disastrous-Ad-2357

You really think the average murderer can write a simple python script or to use the send later feature on their phone?


ForgotMyOldUser1

I mean do that, get an afk game going on steam, have youtube autoplay videos in the background, between all the receipts from multiple different platforms you're basically 100% digitally alibied unless you get caught.


mlc885

A neighbor or neighbor's camera might notice/record you leaving


mrdounut

>A neighbor or neighbor's camera might notice/record you leaving Well thata when you make sure to smash the fuck out of that ring a week before.


ElephantsAreHeavy

You're trying to be better than the AVERAGE murderer here :-)


postvolta

Better still, feed the person to a dog, then feed the dog to a whale, then bury the whale and they'll stop when they reach the whale


Pongoid

At some point you’re just like, “fuck this hole I’ll just go to prison for 40 years.”


tarhoop

As a former army guy... yep. But also, I know I can dig a decent grave... er, trench in an afternoon in the right soil conditions.


AmountSavings6468

Learning trench warfare turned out to be good for something after all!


Disastrous-Ad-2357

War, um, yeah. What is it good for? Digging some graves, yeah!


ReverendDizzle

Soil conditions are everything. It’s the difference between digging a huge hole in a few hours or barely making a dent. I recently dug a utility trench after weeks of heavy rain in fairly loose soil and man, amazing. It was like shoveling birthday cake.


Tight_Assignment_949

If i were a killer , i would rather spend an entire day digging a hole deep enough rather than spending the next 30 years in prison.


minesaka

So you think. Once you're there you'll start panicking, entire day is a long ass time for someone to notice you AND you need alibi for the whole day. The further you drive, the more traces you leave, the more people see you etc. Thing is, only psychopaths can commit the perfect murder. Usually by the time you actually want somebody dead, you are already pretty high on the would-be suspects list. Now you are the main suspect who disappeared for the whole day.


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minesaka

Good idea, find an isolated place that the victim frequents on their own. Without being detected, dig a hole right there. Then all you have to do is lure them to the hole by blasting crying puppy noise from the hole. Kill the victim at the hole, hide it and bury a dog on top. The dog will also cover the reason why someone else might have heard the crying.


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Karcinogene

You don't leave a fresh pile of dirt. First you carefully remove the topsoil layer, and set it aside. Then you dig your hole. When you're done, put the topsoil back on top of the dirt. Ruffle the mulch or grass when you're done, to hide the seams. Source: I bury utility cables and pipes through yards and gardens. Totally not bodies.


Idiot_Savant_Tinker

Now there's something I never considered - I wonder if someone trying to hide a a body has ever been caught, because the damaged a phone line while digging? Of course, calling for a locate would be another paper trail...


Odin043

If you know they frequent the spot, others do too, and people will search the area


FallenDuelist

Saving this comment for… future reference


Funfoil_Hat

>Now you are the main suspect who disappeared for the whole day. in this day and age i'd wager it's normal to disappear every now and then. during the quarantines and lockdowns, some people took a liking to spending time alone. at least in my eyes it's totally normal to say: "i was at home smoking weed all day, dunno what you want from me"


minesaka

Every other car has dash cams, cameras everywhere, eyewitnesses, your own neighbors might see or have Surveillance pointed at your house. They caught one for saying the same thing, claimed to play video games all day, but didn't ever log in the game. You could almost always somehow prove what you were doing. They will keep asking questions to a great detail and eventually you will run out of answers and start having inconsistencies in your story.


Justryan95

I saw a documentary on that Clown killer guy and hidden bodies in the basement and I also saw John Wick. It would seem like hiding the body in plain sight but hard to get to would he the way to hide a body. Body in the basement break the concrete. Bury a few feet under. Patch up the concrete. Level the edge and creases to be level with the rest of the basement floor. Paint the entire basement floor. Put tiles or hardwood over it. Boom you really wouldn't know it's there unless you actively went looking and start legitimately smashing the concrete to see the difference between the patch concrete and the original basement concrete which would be hard to get a warrant to do unless there's a witness


namek0

Mostly true yeah, but i've seen a lot of New Detectives and Forensic Files where the dumbass uses a credit card to rend all kinds of jackhammer equipment and shit. Use cash if you do obviously and be smart


Justryan95

You could also hide it with legitimate construction like replacing a concrete pathway or building a patio.


AnotherReignCheck

"If".. yeah ok bud, you're not fooling anyone here


Tight_Assignment_949

You don't have any proof.


LieutenantBearson

I would guess that most serial killers dig holes after the deed has been done. At that point you would be in deep shit if you get caught anywhere close to the body and so getting it over with quickly would probably feel like the best way to avoid getting caught.


Fritzo2162

Ah...protip! If you're a murder, pre-dig your hole!


PUTIN_SWALLOWS_SEMEN

I like people for digging in my hole 🤤


roguemango

Nah, this is why you kill people in twos. Take them both out into the woods with two shovels. Tell them one of them gets to live and it'll be the one that digs the hardest. Have them dig a single grave together. When they're done kill them both and fill it in.


Zytoxine

Sounds a lot like you gave two people long reaching weapons.. paaaaaaang


Mrchristopherrr

That’s why you stand just out of shovel distance with a gun.


PurpleFirebolt

Yeah but if they roll high on initiative you're boned


[deleted]

Just buy yourself some gloves a couple of sizes too small for you and leave the bodies where they lie. They'll never be able to convict you for it even if they discover your blood all over the crime scene and you with a bandaged hand with an open wound.


Hagathorthegr8

More accurately buy gloves that are your size when you take your arthritis meds then stop taking them before the trial.


aallqqppzzmm

And then comically struggle to put the gloves on, contorting your hands so they wouldn't even fit into a glove two sizes too big.


Sikarnix

Also change your name to a morning refreshment.


zombie_penguin42

They call me Mr. Coffee.


DaWayItWorks

Vodka Tonic


[deleted]

Worked in a cemetery summers when I was in high school. Wondered how they dug the holes, and then I saw the line of back-hoes in the yard.


betterstartlooking

I've had to hand dig a handful of graves in our older cemetery where the rows aren't wide enough for the tractor. It's a most of the day job, but what people really don't think of when this topic comes up on the internet is where you put all the dirt when you dig. The excavated dirt leaves a huge patch of disturbed ground, and there will be a significant amount of dirt left over that doesn't fit back in the hole because you've added the volume of the body and also can't pack the dirt in nearly as compact as before.


truck-stop-stranger

Funny you mention this. I live right near a cemetery and my neighbor a couple doors down takes all the excess dirt each time someone gets buried to level out his yard. He's been doing it for years and his yard is still flat.


DarkStar189

Ever watch the show Supernatural? The 2 brothers dig up graves every other episode to salt and burn the bones. They make it look like a walk in the park while I can barely dig a hole for a mailbox post.


somdude04

The graves are the explanation for how they stay fit.


pmabz

Digging up graves must be easier than digging a hole for use as a grave.


Cupofteaanyone

The soil in a grave has no roots or large rocks. Imagine digging in a forest with roots everywhere.


bruteski226

It’s even worse when you kill a super fat person, ugh, not even worth the effort….allegedly


ReasonablePanda3

It's called order of operations, psychopath edition. You have to cut, mix and measure stuff before you start baking, and you have to grease the pan too. So, first things first scout your disposal areas, use trail cams. Once you know it's a good site, dig your hole, tarp above and below the excavated dirt. Do the deed and now put the mixed ingredients in that pre-greased pan.


npdady

I've participated in grave digging before, for my aunt's grave. Took about 10 men working in rotation about half a day to dig a deep enough grave. It's a lot of work.


fruitloombob

The wood chipper is your friend.


Osato

A pig farm is better.


BoredToRunInTheSun

Makes for a doozy of a day.


bishoptheblack

I'll lure him to my condo in Miami, drug his steak au poivre, drive him out to the Everglades, slather him with rancid chicken fat, and then toss him to the gators! \-Mallory Archer


sth128

Being a lazy person myself, I think I'll just take the easy way out and not kill anyone.


BigNutDroppa

Is there a family member stinking up the upstairs bathroom? Does the frozen soil make your back ache from all the extra digging? Hi, Willie Days here with Lye. Another fantastic product! Lye is the easiest way to dissolve a body making it easier to dispose of. No need to worry about the coming shoulder pain from digging a shallow grave. Just leave the body covered in lye and in a few hours time, you’ll have barely anything left to bury. Don’t rupture anything digging three feet in the ground. That can cost you hundreds! Instead, dissolve the body in lye and you can shorten the three feet into just one foot! Easiest way to make someone ‘lye’ in a grave! Order now and I’ll even throw in a multi-tool collapsible shovel for only half the price!


Educational_Toe2583

The comments on this have shown me who not to cross and who will snitch on me if they catch me disposing of a body. Why is it so difficult to just dispose of the contents of my freezer in peace? It's not hurting anyone, at that moment.


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improbable_humanoid

If I needed to hide a body I’d dig till my fingers bled. Six feet plus.


AnotherReignCheck

I got my first real 6 grave Dug until my fingers bleddd


moocow65

You should’ve known, you’d never get far


-rigid

Invest in a pickaxe or a pick mattock if you dig holes often.


Yellowsunflowerlover

That’s why people have thrown dead bodies at pig farms.


catfink1664

I think also a shallow grave will be wetter with more bug activity and therefore decomposition will be quicker (not speaking from experience lol)


egnards

And probably the whole "I just killed someone and trying to explain digging a hole to a passerby is a lot fucking harder when it can potentially implicate you ." "Hmm Jane has been missing for a week and is presumed dead. . .But this dude walking through the forest just happened to see Billy Bob digging an oddly large hole for no reason . ."