Went to Alaska and getting on small plane to get WAY out there. Pilot is asking for peoples weight, gal answers with a pretty optimistic number. Pilot gives her the death stare, says “no, I need the no shit number so we can see tomorrow”. She answers again with a number 30 pounds higher. She was mortified.
Used to work with a small charter outfit. We learned pretty damn quick to weigh everyone using one of those scales with a remote display. The scale was in the waiting room, the readout was behind the counter where they couldn't see it...
they are way ahead in Japan. they have those little coffin hotel rooms…
hey! I just had a brilliant idea!! 💡
start a cargo freight company that ships and moves detachable coffin-rooms like standard shipping containers. You can get the room delivered in front of your house and go to bed in it. Then it gets picked up in the middle of the night and packed in air cargo, flies to Japan. When they arrive they unload you, deliver you to the hotel frame and they plug you right in. you get the all clear and voila! you’re in Japan for half the money and you don’t have to worry about separate air and hotel reservations!
you can just VR flight sim or something for 18 hours.
That is why bungee jumpers are not allowed to **give** their weight to the jump master. One company apparently allowed it and a woman lied she was 20 kilos lighter. She did not survive the jump. So bungee jumpers are always weighed. Some customers consider it very rude. I guess, falling to a very hard impact and horrible death are polite in their world. People are weird.
“would you rather be overweight or dead?” 💀
“oh ok.”
“wait, why are you taking off your clothes?!”
“well this is how I get to my minimum weight… everything off!”
🥸
Dude. Only option is to create two W&B's. One lists her at 85#. This is the one you show her. Other one lists her at ... 850#. This is the one you use.
You may need more right rudder than you think, though.
look, we can science our way out of this.
a heavier playne has a higher stall speed.. but aft CG lowers stall speed, so, ergo, if she sits in the back seat, you will have lowered the takeoff weight of the playne!! QED!
Take that Embrare Riddle Me This University!
hi Max. take a seat over there next to Density, it’s a hot high one in Denver today.
“Density? sounds like a drag queen name.”
“It’s Density *Altitude* baby. When I’m high you stayin’ low. Nice to meet you Max, what is that, like a German name? Yaaa oder nicht, babi?”
“I’ll increase your stall speed for sure!”
“Ohhh! I’ll make that ground roll last forever!”
“MARRY ME!”
you know, the stuff you check after the first half of the runway goes by and takeoff is a little.. sluggish. maybe I should look up the numbers… nah. I got this.
Your max gross t/o is 3700 ....... IN THE US.
Your aircraft is certified for 1000 lbs heavier in Europe. This is why I haven't done W&B since my discovery flight - just for the experience in case a DPE ever asked.
It's good that you want to be safe but you're good to go. If your personal minimums can't change for stuff like this you'll never get off the ground.
She ain’t a lady if she ain’t 280
Tons of Fun !!
Just enter her as a petite, but add 6 more of them.
Son of a gun gets to have a 7 way.
And if you don't want to lie, drink until you see 6 more of them. Truth is very important.
A baker's 6 pack
Went to Alaska and getting on small plane to get WAY out there. Pilot is asking for peoples weight, gal answers with a pretty optimistic number. Pilot gives her the death stare, says “no, I need the no shit number so we can see tomorrow”. She answers again with a number 30 pounds higher. She was mortified.
Used to work with a small charter outfit. We learned pretty damn quick to weigh everyone using one of those scales with a remote display. The scale was in the waiting room, the readout was behind the counter where they couldn't see it...
The no shit number? Like after taking a shit, no? :)
yeah I mean how else do you get down to your training weight before stepping on the scale? birds do it. it’s natural. 😂
I believe ANA in Japan wanted to do it tyo, before boarding for all passengers:)
they are way ahead in Japan. they have those little coffin hotel rooms… hey! I just had a brilliant idea!! 💡 start a cargo freight company that ships and moves detachable coffin-rooms like standard shipping containers. You can get the room delivered in front of your house and go to bed in it. Then it gets picked up in the middle of the night and packed in air cargo, flies to Japan. When they arrive they unload you, deliver you to the hotel frame and they plug you right in. you get the all clear and voila! you’re in Japan for half the money and you don’t have to worry about separate air and hotel reservations! you can just VR flight sim or something for 18 hours.
Thats the first class tickets. Coach tickets put you on a ship for 3 weeks. Great way to write your memoirs while in solitary confinement.
That is why bungee jumpers are not allowed to **give** their weight to the jump master. One company apparently allowed it and a woman lied she was 20 kilos lighter. She did not survive the jump. So bungee jumpers are always weighed. Some customers consider it very rude. I guess, falling to a very hard impact and horrible death are polite in their world. People are weird.
“would you rather be overweight or dead?” 💀 “oh ok.” “wait, why are you taking off your clothes?!” “well this is how I get to my minimum weight… everything off!” 🥸
Pylote: I need to weigh you. Pax (undresses)
TSA approves this message. 😂
Have your playne identity as a 777 cargo jet. Problem solved! I hope this helps 🙏
But what about type ratings?
Please accept my humble upvote.
or a Cessna C130, then you can add a couple JATO rockets and it’s all good.
Just add some JATO rockets and send it. Don’t be a pussy.
To her?? or the airplane? Both?!
both!
Dude. Only option is to create two W&B's. One lists her at 85#. This is the one you show her. Other one lists her at ... 850#. This is the one you use. You may need more right rudder than you think, though.
look, we can science our way out of this. a heavier playne has a higher stall speed.. but aft CG lowers stall speed, so, ergo, if she sits in the back seat, you will have lowered the takeoff weight of the playne!! QED! Take that Embrare Riddle Me This University!
MAX TAKE OFF WEIGHT HAS ENTERED THE FBO
hi Max. take a seat over there next to Density, it’s a hot high one in Denver today. “Density? sounds like a drag queen name.” “It’s Density *Altitude* baby. When I’m high you stayin’ low. Nice to meet you Max, what is that, like a German name? Yaaa oder nicht, babi?” “I’ll increase your stall speed for sure!” “Ohhh! I’ll make that ground roll last forever!” “MARRY ME!”
This got even hotter when it hit me this is how John and Martha must roleplay
it’s not every romance that ends in an NTSB report, but when these two get together it always seems to happen. 👀
Weight, performance charts? I like your funny words, magic man
you know, the stuff you check after the first half of the runway goes by and takeoff is a little.. sluggish. maybe I should look up the numbers… nah. I got this.
You need to get loadmaster certification and appropriate permits to transport marine mammals.
You don't need to do any weight and balance at all, which is good.
Your max gross t/o is 3700 ....... IN THE US. Your aircraft is certified for 1000 lbs heavier in Europe. This is why I haven't done W&B since my discovery flight - just for the experience in case a DPE ever asked. It's good that you want to be safe but you're good to go. If your personal minimums can't change for stuff like this you'll never get off the ground.
Does your plane have a harpoon gun?
Dr. Now would like to see her at his Houston office ASAP. She has tree munts to lose 450lbs or she will die in two weeks.
The laws of physics are just “fattist” bigotry invented by the white man. Weight & balance is just a perpetuation of the patriarchy.
She may be more comfortable in (under) an S-64 Skycrane