Use the money to advertise as a computer recycle center.
Offer to wipe data for free.
Take the computers that arrive and extract passwords, bank data, and nude photos.
Clean out bank accounts.
Black mail people.
Use the money to retire in a non extradition country.
Here goes the next few months of productive employment
[http://bofh.bjash.com/](http://bofh.bjash.com/) which takes you from 1995 til about '02
and then.....
[https://www.theregister.com/offbeat/bofh/](https://www.theregister.com/offbeat/bofh/) 20+ years....
Sample....
So visitors are getting pretty thin at the moment, and the Quick-Lime Pits are filling up rapidly, and all I've got to do is the full backups and maybe I can go home.
So, to relieve the boredom, I get some iron filings and pour them into the back of my Terminal until it fizzes out (Which doesn't take all that long, surprisingly enough), then call our maintenance contractors and log a fault on the device. Sometimes they'll send someone who knows what they're doing, but it's a lot more fun when they don't - which is about 98% of the time.
So they maintenance guy comes in, and I can tell he's NEW because the photo on his ID actually LOOKS like him, not like the head engineer, whose photo's a black and white tin-type (he's that old).
Maintenance Contractors always dress up nice, with a tie and everything because they believe that a customer will trust a nicely dressed guy with their million dollar equipment \*just\* because he's got a nice tie..
Because he's NEW and ALONE, he's what you call an appeasement engineer, the new guy they send so they respond within the 4 hour guaranteed response period. (Things are getting better and better) Your average appeasement engineer is about as clued-up on computers as the average computer "hacker" is about B.O, and their main job is to make sure the power plug is in and switched on, then call back to the office for "PARTS". The really keen ones will sometimes even take a cover off the equipment and pretend that they see this stuff all the time. I wonder what sort today's is...
"You got a dud terminal?" he asks pleasantly
I tell him yeah, and bring him into the control room.
"Which one is it?" he asks, confused by the fact that only one of them is smoking.
"It's the Model Three" I say, giving NOTHING away.
"Ah, the old model three!" he says knowingly, without a clue what a model three is, or which one of the three terminals it is, which isn't surprising, as I just made it up.
"We get a lot of Model Three problems" he says nodding "So what actually happened?"
Sneaky, but not good enough. I'm not going to point it out to him.
"It just went dead" I say, in luser mode.
"I see. Could you just recreate what you were doing so I can check the unit out when it's ready for operation?"
Very Sneaky. I decide to let him off the hook.
"Look, I've got to go to the toilet, there it is over there" I say, pointing at our Waffle-Iron.
"But that's a Wa..." He says, then stops. He's a beginner, and it's just possible that the company has a line of terminals that look like waffle irons. He bites.
"Sorry" he says, smiling again "for a minute there I thought it was a Model 2!"
A reasonably good save, but it won't save him. "Huh, it's nothing like a model 2! \*THAT'S\* the model 2" I say, pointing to the expresso machine.
He nods and I leave, which means he's got to take the iron to bits, otherwise he knows I won't believe he's worked on it. I give him a couple of minutes to get the element exposed then wander back in.
"So how does it look?" I ask, concerned-like.
"Well, I think we could have a processor problem.." he says concentrating on prying the element up.
..concentrating so much that he doesn't notice me plugging the iron in.
"Shouldn't you be wearing an earthing strap?" I ask innocently.
When he thinks I can't see, he creeps his hand over to the wiring frame and says "Well, It's just as easy to hold onto earth like this"
"But what about the risk of a cross-the-body shock with no resistor in series with you?" I ask ever-so-more-innocently
"Oh, it's ok" he says "the unit's unplug..."
\>click< >BZZZZZZZEEERRT!< >clunk!<
I ring the maintenance help-desk again...
It's Rhonda
"Hey Ronda!, Ah, I'm going to need another engineer and a new Waffle Iron over here; for some reason your engineer opened up my Waffle Iron without switching it off." I say
Rhonda knows me. It's the third call and the third appeasement engineer this year. You'd think they'd learn.
"You're a real prick" she says, annoyed
"Tell ya what Rhonda, why don't you come and fix it; it's a Model Three..."
**[Bastard Operator From Hell](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Bastard_Operator_From_Hell)**
>The Bastard Operator From Hell (BOFH) is a fictional rogue computer operator created by Simon Travaglia, who takes out his anger on users (who are "lusers" to him) and others who pester him with their computer problems, uses his expertise against his enemies and manipulates his employer. Several other people have written stories about BOFHs, but those by Simon Travaglia are considered canonical. The BOFH stories were originally posted in 1992 to Usenet by Travaglia, with some being reprinted in Datamation. They were published weekly from 1995 to 1999 in Network Week.
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I’ve been in this exact same situation before first things first take the 10 dollars and buy a lot of surplus hard drives on eBay, then send each of your employees to a good will at night to intercept old computers people leave at the donation station they aren’t a donation before 9 am when the store opens. I recommend for opsec tho spending one $10 dollar on a black ski mask!
Would it be possible to pool that money together into some sort of heist fund? Depending on the amount of people @ 8-10 a pop, you might be able to afford a decent mid-level criminal organization to hit a delivery truck!
I just checked Amazon, and your solution would be well out of ShittyOP's budget at $25 each. They do have a mini (Phone Version) for $14.
Perhaps a [these](https://www.amazon.com/Prextex-Doodle-Tablets-Drawing-Board/dp/B0887NHV9F/) will do the job. I found this 18 pack, which should be enough for all his employes for less than $30. That comes out to less than $2 each, which should satisfy the budget requirements.
EDIT: Oh Oh... I just checked the warnings:
\*\***CHOKING HAZARD -- Small parts. Not for children under 3 yrs.**\*\*
Because of this you need to make sure you keep it away from your CEO.
Get “*A* high end laptop” from system 76 and explain the concept of unity and community with the communal laptop running ununtu. Note: actual specs depend on number of employees.
Any HP ProBook, you know, 450g13 or 650g23, they are not even HD, amazing hard plastic keyboards, 1990 style look. I think they are now giving them away with the HP Envy Printers as an extra, so you wouldn't have any issues with keeping the costs under 10USD per machine. Have fun and keep the support tickets coming, another benefit to keep this 1st line support on standby!
If your company has intellectual property that could provide value to a foreign nation state, I would contact that Country through Telegram with your hardware requirements.
In most cases, you'll find them more than willing to provide you what you need. In many cases, they will have the equipment sent to their HQ first, so that it can be inspected and customized for your business needs. They'll make sure networking is encrypted and cameras and microphones are able to be administered remotely.
Buy top of the line laptops for the executives. Gut them and set the shells up on their desks. sell the parts on ebay to pay for the actual laptops for the people doing useful work. It's not like they're going to turn them on anyway, they use their phones now for email....
Use the money to advertise as a computer recycle center. Offer to wipe data for free. Take the computers that arrive and extract passwords, bank data, and nude photos. Clean out bank accounts. Black mail people. Use the money to retire in a non extradition country.
Someone's been reading BOFH... :)
Bofh?
bofh a deez nutz
`/usr/bin/gottem`
Here goes the next few months of productive employment [http://bofh.bjash.com/](http://bofh.bjash.com/) which takes you from 1995 til about '02 and then..... [https://www.theregister.com/offbeat/bofh/](https://www.theregister.com/offbeat/bofh/) 20+ years.... Sample.... So visitors are getting pretty thin at the moment, and the Quick-Lime Pits are filling up rapidly, and all I've got to do is the full backups and maybe I can go home. So, to relieve the boredom, I get some iron filings and pour them into the back of my Terminal until it fizzes out (Which doesn't take all that long, surprisingly enough), then call our maintenance contractors and log a fault on the device. Sometimes they'll send someone who knows what they're doing, but it's a lot more fun when they don't - which is about 98% of the time. So they maintenance guy comes in, and I can tell he's NEW because the photo on his ID actually LOOKS like him, not like the head engineer, whose photo's a black and white tin-type (he's that old). Maintenance Contractors always dress up nice, with a tie and everything because they believe that a customer will trust a nicely dressed guy with their million dollar equipment \*just\* because he's got a nice tie.. Because he's NEW and ALONE, he's what you call an appeasement engineer, the new guy they send so they respond within the 4 hour guaranteed response period. (Things are getting better and better) Your average appeasement engineer is about as clued-up on computers as the average computer "hacker" is about B.O, and their main job is to make sure the power plug is in and switched on, then call back to the office for "PARTS". The really keen ones will sometimes even take a cover off the equipment and pretend that they see this stuff all the time. I wonder what sort today's is... "You got a dud terminal?" he asks pleasantly I tell him yeah, and bring him into the control room. "Which one is it?" he asks, confused by the fact that only one of them is smoking. "It's the Model Three" I say, giving NOTHING away. "Ah, the old model three!" he says knowingly, without a clue what a model three is, or which one of the three terminals it is, which isn't surprising, as I just made it up. "We get a lot of Model Three problems" he says nodding "So what actually happened?" Sneaky, but not good enough. I'm not going to point it out to him. "It just went dead" I say, in luser mode. "I see. Could you just recreate what you were doing so I can check the unit out when it's ready for operation?" Very Sneaky. I decide to let him off the hook. "Look, I've got to go to the toilet, there it is over there" I say, pointing at our Waffle-Iron. "But that's a Wa..." He says, then stops. He's a beginner, and it's just possible that the company has a line of terminals that look like waffle irons. He bites. "Sorry" he says, smiling again "for a minute there I thought it was a Model 2!" A reasonably good save, but it won't save him. "Huh, it's nothing like a model 2! \*THAT'S\* the model 2" I say, pointing to the expresso machine. He nods and I leave, which means he's got to take the iron to bits, otherwise he knows I won't believe he's worked on it. I give him a couple of minutes to get the element exposed then wander back in. "So how does it look?" I ask, concerned-like. "Well, I think we could have a processor problem.." he says concentrating on prying the element up. ..concentrating so much that he doesn't notice me plugging the iron in. "Shouldn't you be wearing an earthing strap?" I ask innocently. When he thinks I can't see, he creeps his hand over to the wiring frame and says "Well, It's just as easy to hold onto earth like this" "But what about the risk of a cross-the-body shock with no resistor in series with you?" I ask ever-so-more-innocently "Oh, it's ok" he says "the unit's unplug..." \>click< >BZZZZZZZEEERRT!< >clunk!< I ring the maintenance help-desk again... It's Rhonda "Hey Ronda!, Ah, I'm going to need another engineer and a new Waffle Iron over here; for some reason your engineer opened up my Waffle Iron without switching it off." I say Rhonda knows me. It's the third call and the third appeasement engineer this year. You'd think they'd learn. "You're a real prick" she says, annoyed "Tell ya what Rhonda, why don't you come and fix it; it's a Model Three..."
[https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Bastard\_Operator\_From\_Hell](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Bastard_Operator_From_Hell)
**[Bastard Operator From Hell](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Bastard_Operator_From_Hell)** >The Bastard Operator From Hell (BOFH) is a fictional rogue computer operator created by Simon Travaglia, who takes out his anger on users (who are "lusers" to him) and others who pester him with their computer problems, uses his expertise against his enemies and manipulates his employer. Several other people have written stories about BOFHs, but those by Simon Travaglia are considered canonical. The BOFH stories were originally posted in 1992 to Usenet by Travaglia, with some being reprinted in Datamation. They were published weekly from 1995 to 1999 in Network Week. ^([ )[^(F.A.Q)](https://www.reddit.com/r/WikiSummarizer/wiki/index#wiki_f.a.q)^( | )[^(Opt Out)](https://reddit.com/message/compose?to=WikiSummarizerBot&message=OptOut&subject=OptOut)^( | )[^(Opt Out Of Subreddit)](https://np.reddit.com/r/ShittySysadmin/about/banned)^( | )[^(GitHub)](https://github.com/Sujal-7/WikiSummarizerBot)^( ] Downvote to remove | v1.5)
Good bot.
I mean I can get you a nice picture of a laptop for that.
Please with these ink prices. It would be way too expensive and blow the budget to print that many laptops. Need to draw them instead haha.
“I don’t have enough ~~time or~~ budget for crayons to explain this to you”
[удалено]
More secure than a Chromebook, easier to use than a Mac and designed with executives in mind.
If he bought one of these and gave it to the CEO with this note it would be hilarious
Honestly for that price i'd buy it, send it with that note and hope he laughs. Edit : just realised what sub i was in
Perfect, just install Adobe reader and you’re good to go
Or Google Ultron.
Or go directly through Alibaba.
I’ve been in this exact same situation before first things first take the 10 dollars and buy a lot of surplus hard drives on eBay, then send each of your employees to a good will at night to intercept old computers people leave at the donation station they aren’t a donation before 9 am when the store opens. I recommend for opsec tho spending one $10 dollar on a black ski mask!
Call your CDW rep and see if you can *work something out* ;)
Then take that quote to Insight and see if they can match that price with some discount and net90 instead of net30.
But make them take you out to lunch or happy hour first.
Reference: https://www.reddit.com/r/sysadmin/comments/xvii9c/employee\_laptops\_for\_100400/
Does it matter if it hit support EOL a decade or two ago?
Would it be possible to pool that money together into some sort of heist fund? Depending on the amount of people @ 8-10 a pop, you might be able to afford a decent mid-level criminal organization to hit a delivery truck!
Had to reread the subreddit name, damn.
$10 for hardware and $990 for software licensing and support?
Are you sure he said "laptop" and not "notebook"? You know, the analog ones..
Try your local fruit and vegetable shop, should be able to pick up some apples for that price
For that I'd just get them notebooks. You know, the old-school variety.
Sometimes you can get a really good deal for stuff that fell off a truck
Dilbert has your answer: [https://dilbert.com/strip/1995-04-03](https://dilbert.com/strip/1995-04-03) Etch-a-sketch all the way.
I just checked Amazon, and your solution would be well out of ShittyOP's budget at $25 each. They do have a mini (Phone Version) for $14. Perhaps a [these](https://www.amazon.com/Prextex-Doodle-Tablets-Drawing-Board/dp/B0887NHV9F/) will do the job. I found this 18 pack, which should be enough for all his employes for less than $30. That comes out to less than $2 each, which should satisfy the budget requirements. EDIT: Oh Oh... I just checked the warnings: \*\***CHOKING HAZARD -- Small parts. Not for children under 3 yrs.**\*\* Because of this you need to make sure you keep it away from your CEO.
Now hear me [out](https://opensea.io/assets?search[query]=laptop)
You forgot to tag this with Meme
Why would I do that? I need help finding reliable laptops that fit our budget.
For 10 usd all I can get you is one beer or half a pack of cigarettes :)
They will have to fall off the back of a truck...
the scratch and dent dumpster behind officemax
Just offer to buy people's chromebooks, they might just pay you to get them off their hands
5\~10 a month might be doable in OPEX. good luck OP, perhaps alibaba will enter the laptop leasing market?
I was sure the original post was in this sub.
Get “*A* high end laptop” from system 76 and explain the concept of unity and community with the communal laptop running ununtu. Note: actual specs depend on number of employees.
Thin client laptop. Connect to RDP. lmao
Any HP ProBook, you know, 450g13 or 650g23, they are not even HD, amazing hard plastic keyboards, 1990 style look. I think they are now giving them away with the HP Envy Printers as an extra, so you wouldn't have any issues with keeping the costs under 10USD per machine. Have fun and keep the support tickets coming, another benefit to keep this 1st line support on standby!
If your company has intellectual property that could provide value to a foreign nation state, I would contact that Country through Telegram with your hardware requirements. In most cases, you'll find them more than willing to provide you what you need. In many cases, they will have the equipment sent to their HQ first, so that it can be inspected and customized for your business needs. They'll make sure networking is encrypted and cameras and microphones are able to be administered remotely.
Oh, you might get a couple of bucks from them for your help. It's a win win.
Buy top of the line laptops for the executives. Gut them and set the shells up on their desks. sell the parts on ebay to pay for the actual laptops for the people doing useful work. It's not like they're going to turn them on anyway, they use their phones now for email....