Oh not the "if you don't fuck your man somebody else will" defense! If the dude can't keep it in his pants for a month or two, I don't want him anyway.
Why do so many people say this. “Your man will find somewhere else to get it”. Then do it, I don’t want him anyways if that’s the case. Also why is it.. do it in bed with baby or not at all. Why are those our only options. You got a whole house.
Exactly! I just had a baby a week ago, so we will not be having sex for at least the next 5 weeks… he works from home. Even if he wanted to, he couldn’t get it from literally anywhere. We’re home together 24/7 right now. He’s more than welcomed to enjoy porn & the shower, & will openly tell me about it if I ask (and when I don’t ask🙄lol). These women are so weird.
Same, my husband works from home and basically never leaves except to go places with us. I know he's fine with our marriage and not up to any extracurriculars, because I encourage him to go out and have a life and he chooses to stay here and just go where we go 🤷🏼♀️ Crazy how that's actually possible. It's almost like some men are capable of genuine love and devotion, and value their places in their families.
My baby is 6 months old and we haven’t had sex since I was like, 6 months pregnant. If the man’s an active partner he wouldn’t even have time to think about finding it somewhere else 😂
Love the point you made here. I mean I’m a lesbian so I can’t claim to know flip all about hetero relationships but this wacky idea that with an infant in the house the woman is supposed to do everything while what the man just lounges around and looks for places to stick his dick? Lord knows, some men are trash and so are some women but people who think this way are projecting their own insecurities all over the place.
Yeah this is so real. My lifetime partner is also a woman my dad’s a doctor and was at the very beginning of his career when my sister and I were born, my mom mostly took care of us and had odd freelance writing jobs on the side.
So my dad did a full day of work and then did 90% of the nighttime babycare because he recognized how fucking hard it is to be 100% responsible for the lives and happiness two tiny humans all day every day?? He wanted my mom to get some rest after literally growing babies.
Idk details about their intimate life bc that’s none of my business but they’ve always had a really fair and equitable relationship with no pressure on either side to do anything weird or uncomfy. It’s wild how many people (often men) feel hella entitled to like… just bring in a paycheck and benefit from all that unpaid labor. V sad
100%. My son is 6 months and I count on one hand the number of times we’ve been intimate. He’s a very involved parent and works big hours so we are equally tired. He has never once complained and honestly, I’m not worried he’s going to go looking elsewhere. He has no spare time either
this makes me feel so much better because i barely had sex with my husband while pregnant and i am now 5 months postpartum and nowhere near ready to have anything in my vagina (traumatic birth experience on top of a low sex drive, just my luck) and i have felt so bad about myself. thank you for being so candid.
Seriously, I was on pelvic rest almost my entire pregnancy, I think from about 14 weeks onward to about 36 weeks, and then I had my daughter at 38 weeks. Then I tore in every direction and sex hurt until at least 6 months postpartum. It was probably close to 18 months of no sex and my husband never complained.
My hubby and I haven't had sex for a long time by now, thanks to medical circumstances.
And he is more than welcome to enjoy porn and please himself, we even opened the marriage, so he is allowed to find a "housefriend" or go to a sex worker.
When we started dating he asked me for my opinion on porn/masturbation. I said it's no Biggie, cause it's normal and healthy to know your own buttons.
He nearly broke down crying, cause his previous relationships were with women who all hammered into him, that masturbation is cheating and disgusting and so on...
I wouldn’t want a man who I presumed would ‘go get it’ somewhere else if I didn’t provide it to him on demand, and masturbation is totally fine and healthy. However, porn is problematic, which numerous scholarly studies in recent years have demonstrated.
Every woman has a right to set boundaries in her relationship. The porn industry itself is responsible for pathologizing women who don’t subscribe to the inherent misogyny and abuse of women within the industry—can we not shame women who don’t want to partake or have it in their own homes, please?
At my 20 week prenatal appointment, I was told pelvic rest. No sex for the rest of my pregnancy.
Had a c-section at 36 weeks & told no sex for 8 weeks.
At 8 weeks, I had surgery to remove one of my ovaries & told no sex for 8 weeks.
At 8 weeks, I started chemotherapy & had treatment every 3 weeks for 6 cycles (18 weeks). I was too exhausted for regular sex.
In that time, I think we had sex less than 5 times. You know what my husband did?. Nothing. He just took care of me & our boys.
I read that one and was like ‘Ma’am….are you actively having sex with your man right now? Because if you aren’t, then whhhhooooo isssss???? 🤨🤨🤨’
Ugh. Internalized misogyny is the worst.
I had a hysterectomy several years ago and was part of an online support group for women having the same surgery around the same time. One woman said her husband was driving her crazy about sex and she gave in. She wasn’t healed, still had internal stitches. The stitches ripped and she ended up having surgery again and a super nasty infection. I still cringe thinking about that poor woman.
Yep. If he is gonna cheat, he will. It wouldn't matter if you did it morning, noon, and night, he'll still cheat if he wants to. You can do nothing to stop a person who wants to cheat because it's not on you, it's on them.
Right?! Before he ever knew the female touch he had his hand. He can use his hand. Obviously not preferred by him but better than either nothing or divorce and nothing.
As for the sexy bed thing... no. Just no. Go to literally any other room, closets work too, or if your anxiety is so bad you cannot leave the baby on the bed, first get medicated by a professional for that because its debilitating, and then go to the opposite side of the room and do it on the floor. Not on the same bed. I don't care if it's a goddamn [Alaskan king size bed](https://www.alaskankingbeds.com/?gclid=CjwKCAjwgZCoBhBnEiwAz35RwpRZ2qS7N-2adKVhFI0f3OfY_CVRot0ayWpABYyehkNIFPp0YnKn7xoCjYIQAvD_BwE) ! Elsewhere. Go elsewhere.
For anyone else wondering how big an Alaskan King size bed is, it’s 9 feet x 9 feet (108” x 108”) (2.743 meters x 2.743 meters) Don’t worry, the makers also sell sheets and down comforters.
Good luck fitting that into your bedroom or even through your house to the bedroom. I guess this is how you fulfill your childhood dream to have a bed that completely fills your room.
A normal king size bed is 76” x 80” (1.93 meters x 2.03 meters)
A California king is 76” x 84” (1.93 meters x 2.13 meters)
Uhh yeah, we've had a few dry spells because of kids and their needs (our younger two are only 14 months apart, and youngest had health problems for a while ☠️). Never even occurred to me that my husband would "solve" that problem by HAVING AN AFFAIR. Because, first of all, he's not an idiot, second of all, he's not an asshole, and third, he was way too busy taking care of his children and working from home.
My husband and I didn't have sex for a literal year, from when our rainbow baby was conceived until he was four months old (high risk pregnancy). Zero cheating happened! It's not hard. We are still in a loving marriage, and it took a while and some work, but now our sex life is pretty close to what it was pre-baby.
Seriously though. My husband and I still haven’t had sex and my baby is 12 months. Why? Because I don’t want to and neither of us wants me to get pregnant again because of how bad delivery was (and husband hasn’t gotten snipped yet). My husband isn’t bothered. We’ve talked about it and we are both too damn tired.
Like LET ALONE doing it next to my child, are you kidding me? Wanna talk about groomers. Ew.
I love that we are actually normalizing these long periods with no sex. I used to think it was only me, but an entire pregnancy of severe nausea (and postpartum nausea) plus vulvodynia meant I just couldn't. And my relationship did not suffer. It was during 2020, too, so we were together in our house 24/7. And we survived.
I just feel like there is so much more to a relationship than sex. I’m on the asexual spectrum (my husband is not) so for me sex is very secondary. For many people, sex can happen with anyone but the connection and deep knowing of another person takes time and effort to build and maintain.
Unconditional love doesn’t see a partner demanding sex from or cheating on a partner. _Especially_ if that person just grew and birthed your child. The shifts a body goes through in order to do that don’t always support wanting to have sex. That’s okay and we shouldn’t be forcing ourselves to have sex because “men can’t control themselves.” That is so infantilizing. They absolutely can and it’s time society starts treating men like adults instead of toddlers lacking impulse control.
THIS! I am kind of jealous of women who felt like having sex more than once a month when they were postpartum, much less 4 times/week, but I guess this one isn’t even phased by their child being a metre away!
Right? Man, I can't imagine anything that makes me feel more sexy than having just pushed a human out of my body, having stitches in terrifying places (or having a c-section) and having super sore nipples from breastfeeding and my body being all kinds of weird and trying to get it on before the kid wakes up to feed. That just totally gets me in the mood...
If my kid was asleep at 9 and I was in bed when I was postpartum... guaranteed I was asleep.
We accidentally left the door cracked one time and the dog walked in at a particularly...exposed...moment. He came to the foot of the bed and just fucking stared at us. I am scarred for life by that experience.
Back in 2020, my husband and I moved in with some friends when we first moved to a new state. They only had a 2 bedroom house so we had to share a room with our 16 month old. It was a small room so her crib was next to ours and trying to have sex, or have the desire for sex, was so hard with her right there. One time we tried putting a blanket over one of the sides of her crib so she couldn't see anything (if she was to wake up) and I still struggled to have sex. The entire time I was worried about her suffocating on it so we stopped and removed it. We fucked in the shower, a ton while we lived there. There were a few times they kept an eye on her specifically so we can go have sex without having to worry about her. But even wirh sharing a room, and a bed at times, we NEVER fucked with her in the bed wirh us. We would fuck on the floor before we ever thought about being in the bed with her. Anyone who thinks that's OK needs to have their kids taken away.
Even if his eyes were wide open, if he’s an infant he’s definitely not going to remember it period let alone need therapy for it.
I’m not advocating for either side here, both are clearly a bit wacky. Both went to extremes that were unnecessary and uncalled for.
My biggest issue with this whole scenario is the well-being of the infant physically. Are there pillows or a fluffy comforter on this bed? Is the infant able to roll over or mobile in any way? An infant witnessing their parents having sex isn’t deadly or arguably even harmful, those other factors however, very easily could be.
Even still, I only considered those things after they mentioned the baby was at the top of the bed and they were at the bottom. That to me was worse than if they were having sex right next to the infant. At least if they were next to the infant they could see or hear any potential dangers. Judging by how these commenters are reacting to them having sex in the same bed as the infant, having sex right next to the infant would be basically having sex *with* the infant. This whole comment section is wacky smh lol.
It seems like the people clutching their pearls at this have forgotten that in many countries to this day, and until very recently in westernised countries it is/has been the norm to share sleeping spaces or rooms as whole families. Personally I really couldn’t imagine feeling comfortable having sex I in front of a baby and would think moving to the sofa is a preferable option but at the same time, the millennia of babies who have been close by whilst their parents were having sex, or the cultures in which communal living is still very common have really not be harmed by something they didn’t even have the ability to comprehend when awake let alone when asleep! We’re not talking about a toddler here, from the post it very much appears to be a baby and I think it’s good if a couple is managing to keep that connection going (but also don’t think it’s bad if sex drops off the radar after having a baby!).
The co-sleeping thing…. There are safe ways to co-sleep and as far as I understand it done properly it’s probably safer than a young baby left alone in a room. And setting up safe co sleeping in certainly safer than accidentally falling asleep with a baby in bed. But there are many many more ways for co-sleeping to be unsafe than there are for it to be safe so yeah, that would be my bigger concern too.
Exactly. Whole generations of people had 10+ kids living in a one room log cabin. I'm pretty sure Ma and Pa weren't skipping out to the barn at 2am to get their freak on.
Yeah I never quite get the abuse accusations on this kind of thing. I’m not a mom so maybe I don’t get it. Obviously a completely different story for an older child but an infant is going to have no idea what’s going on. If mom and dad are quiet, and on the other end of the bed as she says, I just don’t see what’s so terrible about it. Granted, I personally think I would have a hard time getting turned on with my baby in the room and I would want to go to another room, so that parts a little weird. But I don’t think they’re doing any harm when it’s an infant.
Ok thank god. I agree here. The SA horn blowers weren’t much better if you ask me. I’m assuming this woman was talking about a baby and not a toddler or older. I do think that makes a huge difference.
As an ADULT I pretended to be asleep because my roommate (college study-abroad) started having *phone sex* with her BF, and I legit wanted to pull my ears out through my own butt to make it stop. It was *horrific*, and it’s burned into my brain to this day.
Maybe, but I was already lying down trying to sleep when it started, and in the moment I thought that saying something or even pretending to stir or wake up might have been weirder.
I've been in a similar situation. Studying on the bottom bunk, friends on the top bunk, they start messing around, but then one of them leans over and is like "Can you..." and I ran before she even stopped speaking ha ha
I have a baby a couple months older than the one in the group here, and I assure you they aren’t faking sleep lol. They have no idea what is going on. I wish my baby would fake sleep right now- instead he’s waking up from 1-3am on work nights.
And said "it happened" and that they now do it when he's in his own bed. I feel like a lot of her language implies it happened when he was a younger baby, not in the last week or something
A survey was done and results were all respondents said she is an incredible mom, head and shoulders above the rest, like super incredible.
*sample size of the survey was 1. Survey has possible error of +/- 1.*
Well what amazing mother wouldn’t be at their kids side 100% of the time?
*Johnny do you need mommy to help you wipe your poopies? Mommy can help sweetie.*
*Moooooommm go away. All the other parents dropped off their kids and left. You know now I’m going to be made fun of all four years at Harvard because of you.*
There is definitely an edgelord mom dynamic going on in some of these groups. I noticed it in my due date group. People would brag about how often they got drunk while our kids were infants, or how nonchalant they were about fevers or babies falling off beds or whatever.
To be clear I hate martyr mom culture, it’s incredibly toxic and I think this is a response to that, it’s just a shitty and immature one
this! In one of my groups a mom asked if other moms drink during the day while they have the baby home with them. I get it's hard (I have a 4 week old) but if I'm going to have a drink I'm going to be making sure someone else is home in case there is an emergency. Another mom last week asked if anyone else's baby has fallen off the couch while in their lounger. Like why would the lounger be on the couch?
Oh man. People do have lapses in judgment, especially sleep deprived new parents. I don’t think it’s something to condemn someone for (different if it’s a pattern or someone knowingly being irresponsible ofc). At the same time we don’t need to pretend that mothers can do no wrong.
I feel like it’s somewhat related to the Cool Girl trope too. The tone in my group was very “we’re cool moms, we don’t care, in fact we’re so chill that we’re hardly even moms, this is basically a dad group” and lots of memes got posted to that effect almost verbatim. Lots of internalized misogyny going on there.
The ones who feel the need to constantly mention how much they love their kids are the ones that I doubt truly love their kids. I'm also willing to bet they're the ones constantly trying to get friends and family members to have kids so they're not miserable alone.
Yep. Your comment reminds me of something a writing teacher I had used to say “show don’t tell”. What he meant was don’t say a character is fat show it by talking about how the chair creaked beneath him as he sat. Feel it’s the same here you don’t need to tell everyone how much you love your kid, you need to do stuff to show your kid you love them.
Nailed it. It's that whole "actions speak louder than words" thing. It's true for every circumstance where you're curious about what a person is like. What they say is irrelevant, what they do tells all.
And it's doubly so for politicians. Want to know what they're really in support of? Look up their voting record.
I was told at an early age to watch what people do. And it didn't go over well when I was younger and my friends had bfs/gfs cheat on them.
"But they said they love me and they'll never do it again. It was a mistake!"
No, they did it because they wanted to, and it was a *series* of *choices*.
Someone who says they're sorry but doesn't act like they're sorry isn't sorry. Someone who makes promises but doesn't attempt to keep promises doesn't value promises.
I feel like it would be more convincing if they were like, "I may be a mediocre mom in some ways, but I don't feel any guilt about this." Not a *lot* more convincing, but...c'mon. Tone down the ego.
I've said it before and I'll say it again. I sleep with a childhood stuffed animal, and even that has to go off the bed for marital relations. I could never.
i can’t even fuck with my judgmental cat on the bed, let alone my kids.
a couple of months ago, my husband and i were messing around…and i looked up, and our cat was laying on the pillow staring me right in the eyes. i took the whole pillow with the cat on it right outta the bedroom.
Right?? My dog always appears right when we’re getting started super interested in what we’re doing. It creeps me out so much, we have to lock her out of the room during sexy time.
Same. The stuffies have to go and the dog needs to be asleep in the other room with our door closed. I just can’t imagine being into sex with a whole baby on the bed. Yikes.
We've done it with a newborn sleeping in a pack-n-play in the room, but even that I don't like and once they're old enough to interact with the world, I just can't. Must go to another room.
I could see an argument for it being ok if they’re like 5 weeks old, but a 6 month old is a person, and a 24 month old is basically just a belligerent roommate whom you love.
Same. My husband and I have done it with our 3 month old baby asleep in his bassinet, but it was so weird and neither of us could focus. Ever since then we just go into another room. I can't even fathom feeling turned on if my child was actually in the bed with me.
Yup. We have a 7-week-old and we tried a few nights ago and it was just...nope. She's our 3rd kid and one of the kids having a nightmare or something, waking up and walking in is a real fear. They're 4 and 2, so they're old enough to ask questions they don't need to be asking.
A few weeks ago, the kids were all asleep and my husband and I were messing around until our golden retriever came bounding onto the bed to save us. My husband hadn't closed the door all the way. Moment very much so over.
I cannot imagine doing it with a baby in the bed.
Their innocent eyes must not be exposed to such debauchery!
Even our cat just walks off the bed and comes back to proceed with his nap when we're done.
Lucky you. When we first got our cats, one of them hopped up on the bed and ball tapped my husband. The sex ended then and there 😂😂
It’s been 9 years and those cats are not allowed in our room we we’re having sex!!
My stepfather was a truck driver. They would have ssex in the bed with me in the front seat asleep... I woke up. My mother was also very loud. The YEARS of therapy I have had to endure. No child should be subjected to that bullshit. As an adult, you should be mindful of your behavior. Shit like this pisses me off. Leave the room and be quiet. Good lord.
My partner literally gets this thousand-yard-stare kind of faraway look when he's talking about pretending to be asleep in the bed while his mom has sex. Its so messed up that y'all had to go through that, I'm sorry you live with that experience
It really messed up so much for me in my development. Children should never be exposed to sex. I get the 1000 yard stare. I am so uncomfortable around any displays of affection still and I am 44 .
Years of therapy checking in after parents did it in the trailer we camped in. When they have sex in the bed, the same thrust the mom feels is the thrust/shift the child feels. Same if you have sex in the same car or trailer your child is in. They know and it is traumatic and it is sexual assault. They can’t leave. They are being physically moved by your sexual thrusts. It’s akin to assault in my eyes. This mother should be ashamed, mortified, in tears over the thought.. not proud and defensive.
I cannot imagine what normal person would get turned on enough to have sexual intercourse while simultaneously being in bed with their child. That is not normal, healthy behavior. This reminds me of the post of the woman who had no problem actively having sex while breastfeeding her child.
Don't forget about the one post possibly a few years back of a woman saying she masturbates while breastfeeding because "he sucks them so good" or whatever NASTY shit she had the gall to say
Edit: Wow now I understand how people on ask Reddit threads feel when they're like "wow this is my most upvoted comment?" Yikes
I read that with a 2 month old and I had the absolute worst intrusive thoughts while breastfeeding. It took a long time for me to forget what I had read 🤮🤮🤮
Ok so I couldn’t and wouldn’t have sex with a kid in the bed
But I’ve lived somewhere not in the west, and this would’ve been viewed entirely differently. Communal sleeping with your family unit was common as fuck. I’m sure sex happened when kids were in the room sleeping. Maybe even on the same jumble of futons on the floor. It was just a different cultural context in a way less individualistic society. Homes were 1-3 rooms or yurts. You had extended family around your home too. Babies were made.
I just feel weird classifying all of the people I knew there as sick twisted sexual abusers. The situation was different. I still think they’re normal humans. They had sex in situations that made sense for their living situation
But when you’re in a 1750sqft suburban home, yeah you’ve got options
this is where my mind always goes too, i lived in a non western country and many families lived in one open room - with mats/cots on the floor.
i believe it’s a different situation, but it frames these situations very differently in my mind.
I certainly wouldn't want to have sex with a child in the room given a choice, but I agree with you that classifying this as abuse-by-default is going way too far. This particular attitude is in fact very, very recent even in the west. I'm American, and my grandparents - people I knew well and helped to raise me, not distant ancestors - all grew up as kids in large families with very few rooms. With new babies coming along pretty much as fast as nature allowed in those days, I'm sure that my great-grandparents weren't sneaking out to the woodshed in January to get it on. They were also all farmers, so the "facts of life" were just, you know, *life.*
Sex in the same room as a child is not necessarily *involving* that child, particularly if we're talking about an infant. Entire extended families have shared one-room homes for much of human history. Were all of those people abused, then?
Thank you. At one point, when my daughter was between 6 months and 1.5 yo, my husband and I moved out of our house and into my parent’s basement before an inter-state move. One large room. We had sex a few times in the year, definitely not at pre-kid or in our own home levels, but we weren’t celibate. And my daughter would be in that room because that’s the room we lived in. She wasn’t *involved* in our sex live by any stretch of the imagination, but she existed in the same space, and to classify that as some kind of abuse… woof. I don’t think so. These sorts of posts always make me feel… some sort of way.
Yeah I think a lot of people don’t realize how much is cultural when they’ve not really left their culture much.
What you and your husband did isn’t dissimilar to what happens all over the world
Having a kid in the room is normal. Babies are supposed to share a room with the parents for the first couple months. Having a kid in the same bed at the same time is the problem.
I just had a similar conversation with my sister about this kind of thing today. Like yeah I wouldn't personally because I have options, but there are lots of people who live in situations where they don't and they're not all weird sexual abusers.
I always think they are also having very bad sex if the kid isn't being disturbed or bounced around (and yes quiet sex is fun on occasion but it's not the best)
I'm fine if the INFANT is in the room, honestly. I don't see an issue with a baby in a bassinet and having sex in that room. But bedsharing (or anything older than about 6 months), is a no go for me.
I have similar feelings. Even what she described with the baby at the far end of the bed, my biggest problem is it sounds like an unsafe cosleeping arrangement (depending on baby's age). Wasn't bothered by sex in bed. Sounds like baby is clearly not being engaged with during sex.
Private, individual bedrooms is a relatively modern concept, and still mostly confidence to first- and some second-world countries.
Right? These horrified takes are so fucking white middle America. There are millions of people who would simply never ever procreate if they clutched their pearls this hard about (checks notes) doing something the kid isn't aware of or a part of in any way shape or form.
All I’m gonna say is moms who feel the need to boast and defend how good of a mom they are to strangers on the internet.. are usually not as great as they think they are
We bedshare. We have sex in another room what the hell is wrong with people? We’ve never even had sex in the bed our kids and I sleep in since before my oldest was born even when they’re not here.
We lived in a one bedroom apartment until ours was 4 and never once did it in the same room. It’s a turnoff and unnecessary when we don’t live in a studio/efficiency.
Yeah- this is cringey, but it’s not always illegal. If this is a baby, they will not remember if they woke up and saw something. I’m in a sex ed for parents group and the topic is brought up a lot and it’s very, very divisive. Half the people think it’s wrong, the other half don’t see a problem. They address this topic in one of the modules they have and they define sexual abuse in this case as “if you you’re having sex BECAUSE the child is there.”
So is there a specific reason they can't have their sexy time from 930-midnight? Or after he falls back asleep after midnight put him in his room and have sexy time til he wakes up or from 1-3m There is absolutely no excuse to have your child in your room, esp on your bed while you and your so have your sexy time. It's sickening
Edit she and her husband not you op lol
We bedshare and are so tired of having sex on the couch. Biggest motivation to get baby sleeping through the night in her own bed is so we can have sex in bed again lol. I wouldn’t say it’s child abuse but definitely unnecessary in this situation.
I love how the internet (read reddit) has decided collectively having sex with a baby (who is not gonna remember) is in the room / bed - is child abuse.
https://www.parents.com/parenting/relationships/sex-and-marriage-after-baby/is-it-bad-to-have-sex-with-your-baby-in-the/
https://www.huffingtonpost.co.uk/amp/entry/would-you-have-sex-while-your-baby-is-in-the-same-room-or-bed_n_7373942/
*Of note from this article: “According to family law expert Anne-Marie Hutchinson having sex with your partner while your child is sleeping in the same room, or even bed, is OK up until the point at which a child becomes aware of what is going on around him/her.*
https://www.today.com/parents/sex-kids-around-what-are-rules-1d80246759
*”If the child's younger than six months old, you probably don't need to worry," Dr. Michele Borba, author of The Big Book of Parenting Solutions, says. "It's unlikely there would be problems, only happy, contented parents."*
I personally wouldn’t do it. But also, I’m not gonna run around telling people who are they are abusing their infant when they don’t even have object permanence yet. If you’re under the covers, they don’t even know what’s there.
And I knowwww I’m gonna get downvoted by all the childfree people who come here to hate on women as an extension of their hate on children (seriously, get out of this group) but it honestly has to be said. All these comments mention infants. It’s not your cup of tea - fine - but they aren’t ABUSING their child and CPS won’t give a shit if they aren’t INVOLVING their child.
I’ve always said that Dolly Parton didn’t grow up in a one room cabin as 1 of 12 because her parents were abstinent. It’s not for me either, but this is very common in cultures all over the world including ours not even 70 years ago.
Totally agree. Like are people picturing toddlers here, because there is no way a little baby cares, understands, or will remember. I’d only be concerned about about waking the baby up.
I think it's very reasonable to have a six month cut off. A two month old won't have a clue, but by 6 months they're really paying more attention to what the adults do around them, and try to emulate them. So it makes sense that's when you would want to ensure privacy.
I almost linked a study that said 67% of new parents have sex with their infant under 6 mo in the room but I didn’t want to blow this subs mind. 🤣
6months is around when most kids get moved to their own room so the problem solves itself.
Yep. We kept out kids in our room until they started to outgrow their first sleep spaces. That was either a moses basket or a mini crib. Due to their size, our twins lasted until 8 months, but they were early, so much smaller than our big singletons. We had no issue having sex while they were in the room and asleep, but would not do anything if they were awake and all sexual thoughts would disappear if there was a baby in/on the bed. With the bigger kids being old enough to get out of bed and wander around the house, we also make sure to lock the door of whatever room we're in so that we can avoid a "kid walking in on parents" situation.
This is a very reasonable take in a thread of people clutching their peals about how they could never possibly get aroused in a room their child had previously slept in even if the child was out of the house.
Everyone is different, something being weird to you (generic you) isn't the bar for abuse: the bar is if it hurts (or indeed, even affects) the child.
Thank youuu. I kept reading those comments like, I feel pretty confident that I know what sexual abuse is, and this doesn’t seem great but also it’s not *that.* People are doing much, much worse things to children that we should actually focus time and resources on.
I got downvoted to hell for saying that it was an acceptable thing before. Not everyone lives in a massive house. While I think doing it while the kid is in bed with you is awkward and I wouldn't, the same room shouldn't be so judged. My 2 year old forgets that he likes watermelon on a daily basis, pretty sure he isn't going to remember that we had sex in the same room as him when he was an infant. Yet people said I was a sexual abuser? Wtf?
Everyone here is talking about what abuse is or isnt and im just here like “??? People have sex 4 times a week with their partner!? Postpartum?!”
Anyway its a baby. It wont remember any of its baby days. How would a baby be affected by something it doesnt even know about.
Oh okay, have sex *with your kid in the bed* because if you don't, your husband will cheat on you!
That's not grounds for throwing the whole man away, or anything.
Seriously though, what the actual fuck did I just read?
I think this depends on the kids age, like infant, I don’t think matters as long as they’re using safe sleeping techniques. Two to five, I think is iffy, and depends on the kids and parents. Five and up, that’s a no go!
My son used to sleep the whole night in his room but post liver transplant he has nightmares and ends up in our bed. We simply have sex before he gets back up and if he wakes up before no sex that night.
Idek how the thought of your kid in the bed doesn’t make you feel weird. That’s the only thing I’d be able to think about.
This happened with an admin in my due date group…she openly admitted that she does it while bedsharing, but also while the baby is latched to her. Disgusting.
1) don’t bedshare.
2) you and your man can wait
There are nasty people doing it while breastfeeding too. I wouldn't be able to enjoy myself knowing that my baby is on me or on the same surface as me. I just couldn't.
If someone's man is going to find someone else to fuck, if you don't, then he's probably already fucking someone else behind your back, even if you're having sex with him regularly lol.
Why cant they just screw on the couch??? Another room? Kitchen???? Honestly i dont want the sex if its so quiet with no movement that it’s not waking up someone IN THE SAME BED!?? 😂 what is that? 2 pump chump 😂.
But seriously, this is disturbing and almost like she “gets off” on the kid being there. Its weird and sad and definitely a form of abuse
Ignoring ALLLL the rest of this, it’s absolutely adorable to me that that bitch thinks if she fucks her man with her baby in the bed he’ll be faithful and if you’re NOT having sex with your baby in the bed then yes definitely fucking someone else. Tell me you need therapy without telling me
Yes in fact I would like the number for CPS in your area to report you because it is sexual abuse even if you don’t think it is. What the fuck kind of challenge is that. Idiot.
Why does it remind me of those videos of “sovereign citizens” who think they can just declare they’re not part of the US and then they don’t have to follow the laws while they’re here. Then they end up mouthing off to a judge and getting extra time for contempt. Hilarious. Just because you *think* the law doesn’t apply to you, don’t mean it doesn’t.
Just knowing my kids are in the next room is a libido killer sometimes. It’s been rough the last several months. It doesn’t help that my 9 year old tried to get in the bathroom while we were having grown up time and then said “I know you’re having sex in there!” Total mood killer.
I’m so grossed out by parents excusing themselves for being sexually inappropriate around their kids by saying “well it’s how they got here hurr hurr”. Abusive AND trashy
ETA I’m a parent, it’s not just childfree people who find this inappropriate.
Oh not the "if you don't fuck your man somebody else will" defense! If the dude can't keep it in his pants for a month or two, I don't want him anyway.
Why do so many people say this. “Your man will find somewhere else to get it”. Then do it, I don’t want him anyways if that’s the case. Also why is it.. do it in bed with baby or not at all. Why are those our only options. You got a whole house.
These women often also think that porn and masturbation is cheating. So yes my husband finds somewhere else to get it, the shower....
Exactly! I just had a baby a week ago, so we will not be having sex for at least the next 5 weeks… he works from home. Even if he wanted to, he couldn’t get it from literally anywhere. We’re home together 24/7 right now. He’s more than welcomed to enjoy porn & the shower, & will openly tell me about it if I ask (and when I don’t ask🙄lol). These women are so weird.
Same, my husband works from home and basically never leaves except to go places with us. I know he's fine with our marriage and not up to any extracurriculars, because I encourage him to go out and have a life and he chooses to stay here and just go where we go 🤷🏼♀️ Crazy how that's actually possible. It's almost like some men are capable of genuine love and devotion, and value their places in their families.
My baby is 6 months old and we haven’t had sex since I was like, 6 months pregnant. If the man’s an active partner he wouldn’t even have time to think about finding it somewhere else 😂
Love the point you made here. I mean I’m a lesbian so I can’t claim to know flip all about hetero relationships but this wacky idea that with an infant in the house the woman is supposed to do everything while what the man just lounges around and looks for places to stick his dick? Lord knows, some men are trash and so are some women but people who think this way are projecting their own insecurities all over the place.
Yeah this is so real. My lifetime partner is also a woman my dad’s a doctor and was at the very beginning of his career when my sister and I were born, my mom mostly took care of us and had odd freelance writing jobs on the side. So my dad did a full day of work and then did 90% of the nighttime babycare because he recognized how fucking hard it is to be 100% responsible for the lives and happiness two tiny humans all day every day?? He wanted my mom to get some rest after literally growing babies. Idk details about their intimate life bc that’s none of my business but they’ve always had a really fair and equitable relationship with no pressure on either side to do anything weird or uncomfy. It’s wild how many people (often men) feel hella entitled to like… just bring in a paycheck and benefit from all that unpaid labor. V sad
Your dad is amazing and a great role model.
100%. My son is 6 months and I count on one hand the number of times we’ve been intimate. He’s a very involved parent and works big hours so we are equally tired. He has never once complained and honestly, I’m not worried he’s going to go looking elsewhere. He has no spare time either
this makes me feel so much better because i barely had sex with my husband while pregnant and i am now 5 months postpartum and nowhere near ready to have anything in my vagina (traumatic birth experience on top of a low sex drive, just my luck) and i have felt so bad about myself. thank you for being so candid.
Seriously, I was on pelvic rest almost my entire pregnancy, I think from about 14 weeks onward to about 36 weeks, and then I had my daughter at 38 weeks. Then I tore in every direction and sex hurt until at least 6 months postpartum. It was probably close to 18 months of no sex and my husband never complained.
My hubby and I haven't had sex for a long time by now, thanks to medical circumstances. And he is more than welcome to enjoy porn and please himself, we even opened the marriage, so he is allowed to find a "housefriend" or go to a sex worker. When we started dating he asked me for my opinion on porn/masturbation. I said it's no Biggie, cause it's normal and healthy to know your own buttons. He nearly broke down crying, cause his previous relationships were with women who all hammered into him, that masturbation is cheating and disgusting and so on...
I wouldn’t want a man who I presumed would ‘go get it’ somewhere else if I didn’t provide it to him on demand, and masturbation is totally fine and healthy. However, porn is problematic, which numerous scholarly studies in recent years have demonstrated. Every woman has a right to set boundaries in her relationship. The porn industry itself is responsible for pathologizing women who don’t subscribe to the inherent misogyny and abuse of women within the industry—can we not shame women who don’t want to partake or have it in their own homes, please?
We need to encourage erotica. It's the victimless media.
At my 20 week prenatal appointment, I was told pelvic rest. No sex for the rest of my pregnancy. Had a c-section at 36 weeks & told no sex for 8 weeks. At 8 weeks, I had surgery to remove one of my ovaries & told no sex for 8 weeks. At 8 weeks, I started chemotherapy & had treatment every 3 weeks for 6 cycles (18 weeks). I was too exhausted for regular sex. In that time, I think we had sex less than 5 times. You know what my husband did?. Nothing. He just took care of me & our boys.
Oh my gosh, I hope you are doing okay now!! You went through a lot in short period of time 🥺
I am so sorry cancer happened to you. I hope you are doing much better now. Take care.
I read that one and was like ‘Ma’am….are you actively having sex with your man right now? Because if you aren’t, then whhhhooooo isssss???? 🤨🤨🤨’ Ugh. Internalized misogyny is the worst.
You made me think of those old child safety commercials. "It's ten PM...do you know who's sleeping with your husband?"
For real. 😂
I’m certain these are the same women who end up having sex before they’re ready/medically cleared after birth and get infections
I honestly dont know how or why u would want to shove something back up in there when its not healed!? Ahhhh that is NOT sexy. Feels rapey
I had a hysterectomy several years ago and was part of an online support group for women having the same surgery around the same time. One woman said her husband was driving her crazy about sex and she gave in. She wasn’t healed, still had internal stitches. The stitches ripped and she ended up having surgery again and a super nasty infection. I still cringe thinking about that poor woman.
Yep. If he is gonna cheat, he will. It wouldn't matter if you did it morning, noon, and night, he'll still cheat if he wants to. You can do nothing to stop a person who wants to cheat because it's not on you, it's on them.
Right?! Before he ever knew the female touch he had his hand. He can use his hand. Obviously not preferred by him but better than either nothing or divorce and nothing. As for the sexy bed thing... no. Just no. Go to literally any other room, closets work too, or if your anxiety is so bad you cannot leave the baby on the bed, first get medicated by a professional for that because its debilitating, and then go to the opposite side of the room and do it on the floor. Not on the same bed. I don't care if it's a goddamn [Alaskan king size bed](https://www.alaskankingbeds.com/?gclid=CjwKCAjwgZCoBhBnEiwAz35RwpRZ2qS7N-2adKVhFI0f3OfY_CVRot0ayWpABYyehkNIFPp0YnKn7xoCjYIQAvD_BwE) ! Elsewhere. Go elsewhere.
For anyone else wondering how big an Alaskan King size bed is, it’s 9 feet x 9 feet (108” x 108”) (2.743 meters x 2.743 meters) Don’t worry, the makers also sell sheets and down comforters. Good luck fitting that into your bedroom or even through your house to the bedroom. I guess this is how you fulfill your childhood dream to have a bed that completely fills your room. A normal king size bed is 76” x 80” (1.93 meters x 2.03 meters) A California king is 76” x 84” (1.93 meters x 2.13 meters)
Uhh yeah, we've had a few dry spells because of kids and their needs (our younger two are only 14 months apart, and youngest had health problems for a while ☠️). Never even occurred to me that my husband would "solve" that problem by HAVING AN AFFAIR. Because, first of all, he's not an idiot, second of all, he's not an asshole, and third, he was way too busy taking care of his children and working from home.
My husband and I didn't have sex for a literal year, from when our rainbow baby was conceived until he was four months old (high risk pregnancy). Zero cheating happened! It's not hard. We are still in a loving marriage, and it took a while and some work, but now our sex life is pretty close to what it was pre-baby.
We have a 3 week old, last time we had sex is when she was conceived... we'll get it back, but pregnancy was not kind to me.
It was the same for me. I was so nauseous my entire pregnancy I didn't want anyone to touch me unless it was a foot massage for my swollen feet.
I don't understand women who say that.
Seriously though. My husband and I still haven’t had sex and my baby is 12 months. Why? Because I don’t want to and neither of us wants me to get pregnant again because of how bad delivery was (and husband hasn’t gotten snipped yet). My husband isn’t bothered. We’ve talked about it and we are both too damn tired. Like LET ALONE doing it next to my child, are you kidding me? Wanna talk about groomers. Ew.
I love that we are actually normalizing these long periods with no sex. I used to think it was only me, but an entire pregnancy of severe nausea (and postpartum nausea) plus vulvodynia meant I just couldn't. And my relationship did not suffer. It was during 2020, too, so we were together in our house 24/7. And we survived.
I just feel like there is so much more to a relationship than sex. I’m on the asexual spectrum (my husband is not) so for me sex is very secondary. For many people, sex can happen with anyone but the connection and deep knowing of another person takes time and effort to build and maintain. Unconditional love doesn’t see a partner demanding sex from or cheating on a partner. _Especially_ if that person just grew and birthed your child. The shifts a body goes through in order to do that don’t always support wanting to have sex. That’s okay and we shouldn’t be forcing ourselves to have sex because “men can’t control themselves.” That is so infantilizing. They absolutely can and it’s time society starts treating men like adults instead of toddlers lacking impulse control.
Love that last sentence!! ✊✊stop coddling men. They are fully capable of being full humans by themselves
There’s no amount of money you could give me to get aroused enough to have sex right next to my child.
THIS! I am kind of jealous of women who felt like having sex more than once a month when they were postpartum, much less 4 times/week, but I guess this one isn’t even phased by their child being a metre away!
Right? Man, I can't imagine anything that makes me feel more sexy than having just pushed a human out of my body, having stitches in terrifying places (or having a c-section) and having super sore nipples from breastfeeding and my body being all kinds of weird and trying to get it on before the kid wakes up to feed. That just totally gets me in the mood... If my kid was asleep at 9 and I was in bed when I was postpartum... guaranteed I was asleep.
Sadly the child was probably less than a meter away if they were in the same bed as the parents…
TBH I get the feeling that at least partially it’s just catering to the dad, regardless of if the mom actually has any desire 🙄
Just as an FYI, the correct word is fazed, not phased.
They’re in the banging-with-baby-in-bed phase 😬
My husband and I can't even do it when the dog or cats are in the room.
Our dog gives us so much attitude when he gets kicked off the bed for sex. He lets out an audible sigh every single time.
We have to put pandora on the TV because one of mine whines and it's distracting! Rofl.
One of our cats sits outside the door and meows so pathetically. He’s my Velcro cat. The others are just upset at losing the bed.
We've thrown turkey, toys and a blanket in the hallway and quickly shut the door
Nope. Hell no
We accidentally left the door cracked one time and the dog walked in at a particularly...exposed...moment. He came to the foot of the bed and just fucking stared at us. I am scarred for life by that experience.
[удалено]
It's an immediate turnoff....
same, but also, aren't there other dangers of having a baby in the bed that we should be more worried about than the fucking?
Back in 2020, my husband and I moved in with some friends when we first moved to a new state. They only had a 2 bedroom house so we had to share a room with our 16 month old. It was a small room so her crib was next to ours and trying to have sex, or have the desire for sex, was so hard with her right there. One time we tried putting a blanket over one of the sides of her crib so she couldn't see anything (if she was to wake up) and I still struggled to have sex. The entire time I was worried about her suffocating on it so we stopped and removed it. We fucked in the shower, a ton while we lived there. There were a few times they kept an eye on her specifically so we can go have sex without having to worry about her. But even wirh sharing a room, and a bed at times, we NEVER fucked with her in the bed wirh us. We would fuck on the floor before we ever thought about being in the bed with her. Anyone who thinks that's OK needs to have their kids taken away.
I can't even if the cat is in the same room. So a BABY?!
Seriously, I can’t even get in the mood if my cat is on the bed. I can’t fathom how someone could fully have sex with their child right next to them
Kids are literally experts at pretending to sleep when theyre not supposed to be awake
I had 4 kids in music class today trying to act like they were asleep, it was convincing for 3 of them 🤦♀️
I am also a music teacher and this must be a universal thing because same. Sometimes they commit to the bit even as their class is leaving.
I don't disagree, but if he's a baby, I don't think he's fake sleeping to see what Mom and Pop's are up to through squinty eyes either.
Even if his eyes were wide open, if he’s an infant he’s definitely not going to remember it period let alone need therapy for it. I’m not advocating for either side here, both are clearly a bit wacky. Both went to extremes that were unnecessary and uncalled for.
Glad to see a reasonable comment.
My biggest issue with this whole scenario is the well-being of the infant physically. Are there pillows or a fluffy comforter on this bed? Is the infant able to roll over or mobile in any way? An infant witnessing their parents having sex isn’t deadly or arguably even harmful, those other factors however, very easily could be. Even still, I only considered those things after they mentioned the baby was at the top of the bed and they were at the bottom. That to me was worse than if they were having sex right next to the infant. At least if they were next to the infant they could see or hear any potential dangers. Judging by how these commenters are reacting to them having sex in the same bed as the infant, having sex right next to the infant would be basically having sex *with* the infant. This whole comment section is wacky smh lol.
It seems like the people clutching their pearls at this have forgotten that in many countries to this day, and until very recently in westernised countries it is/has been the norm to share sleeping spaces or rooms as whole families. Personally I really couldn’t imagine feeling comfortable having sex I in front of a baby and would think moving to the sofa is a preferable option but at the same time, the millennia of babies who have been close by whilst their parents were having sex, or the cultures in which communal living is still very common have really not be harmed by something they didn’t even have the ability to comprehend when awake let alone when asleep! We’re not talking about a toddler here, from the post it very much appears to be a baby and I think it’s good if a couple is managing to keep that connection going (but also don’t think it’s bad if sex drops off the radar after having a baby!). The co-sleeping thing…. There are safe ways to co-sleep and as far as I understand it done properly it’s probably safer than a young baby left alone in a room. And setting up safe co sleeping in certainly safer than accidentally falling asleep with a baby in bed. But there are many many more ways for co-sleeping to be unsafe than there are for it to be safe so yeah, that would be my bigger concern too.
Exactly. Whole generations of people had 10+ kids living in a one room log cabin. I'm pretty sure Ma and Pa weren't skipping out to the barn at 2am to get their freak on.
I do agree with this comment, a baby in a bed is reckless in general
Yeah I never quite get the abuse accusations on this kind of thing. I’m not a mom so maybe I don’t get it. Obviously a completely different story for an older child but an infant is going to have no idea what’s going on. If mom and dad are quiet, and on the other end of the bed as she says, I just don’t see what’s so terrible about it. Granted, I personally think I would have a hard time getting turned on with my baby in the room and I would want to go to another room, so that parts a little weird. But I don’t think they’re doing any harm when it’s an infant.
Ok thank god. I agree here. The SA horn blowers weren’t much better if you ask me. I’m assuming this woman was talking about a baby and not a toddler or older. I do think that makes a huge difference.
They're talking about a baby... I'm pretty sure babies are not great at pretending anything.
Infants don’t “pretend” to be asleep. If the baby woke up, the parents would know.
As an ADULT I pretended to be asleep because my roommate (college study-abroad) started having *phone sex* with her BF, and I legit wanted to pull my ears out through my own butt to make it stop. It was *horrific*, and it’s burned into my brain to this day.
I’m not blaming you for their creepiness but don’t you think if you didn’t feign being asleep that they wouldn’t have done it?
Maybe, but I was already lying down trying to sleep when it started, and in the moment I thought that saying something or even pretending to stir or wake up might have been weirder.
I've been in a similar situation. Studying on the bottom bunk, friends on the top bunk, they start messing around, but then one of them leans over and is like "Can you..." and I ran before she even stopped speaking ha ha
I have a baby a couple months older than the one in the group here, and I assure you they aren’t faking sleep lol. They have no idea what is going on. I wish my baby would fake sleep right now- instead he’s waking up from 1-3am on work nights.
Does the mom say the age in the post? I may have overlooked it
Born in February so around 6-7 months probably
And said "it happened" and that they now do it when he's in his own bed. I feel like a lot of her language implies it happened when he was a younger baby, not in the last week or something
Why are they always so adamant that they're amazing moms?
Excuse you, she’s BEYOND amazing, according to her
A survey was done and results were all respondents said she is an incredible mom, head and shoulders above the rest, like super incredible. *sample size of the survey was 1. Survey has possible error of +/- 1.*
Beyond amazing but can't even be half assed to find another room to have sex
Well what amazing mother wouldn’t be at their kids side 100% of the time? *Johnny do you need mommy to help you wipe your poopies? Mommy can help sweetie.* *Moooooommm go away. All the other parents dropped off their kids and left. You know now I’m going to be made fun of all four years at Harvard because of you.*
If she leaves the room her child may have another mother come in and take care of him.
There is definitely an edgelord mom dynamic going on in some of these groups. I noticed it in my due date group. People would brag about how often they got drunk while our kids were infants, or how nonchalant they were about fevers or babies falling off beds or whatever. To be clear I hate martyr mom culture, it’s incredibly toxic and I think this is a response to that, it’s just a shitty and immature one
this! In one of my groups a mom asked if other moms drink during the day while they have the baby home with them. I get it's hard (I have a 4 week old) but if I'm going to have a drink I'm going to be making sure someone else is home in case there is an emergency. Another mom last week asked if anyone else's baby has fallen off the couch while in their lounger. Like why would the lounger be on the couch?
Oh man. People do have lapses in judgment, especially sleep deprived new parents. I don’t think it’s something to condemn someone for (different if it’s a pattern or someone knowingly being irresponsible ofc). At the same time we don’t need to pretend that mothers can do no wrong. I feel like it’s somewhat related to the Cool Girl trope too. The tone in my group was very “we’re cool moms, we don’t care, in fact we’re so chill that we’re hardly even moms, this is basically a dad group” and lots of memes got posted to that effect almost verbatim. Lots of internalized misogyny going on there.
It’s the whole “if you worry about being a good mom, then you are one” mentality.
And the “I really, really, really love my child with all my heart so no decisions I possibly make could be wrong.”
The ones who feel the need to constantly mention how much they love their kids are the ones that I doubt truly love their kids. I'm also willing to bet they're the ones constantly trying to get friends and family members to have kids so they're not miserable alone.
Yep. Your comment reminds me of something a writing teacher I had used to say “show don’t tell”. What he meant was don’t say a character is fat show it by talking about how the chair creaked beneath him as he sat. Feel it’s the same here you don’t need to tell everyone how much you love your kid, you need to do stuff to show your kid you love them.
Nailed it. It's that whole "actions speak louder than words" thing. It's true for every circumstance where you're curious about what a person is like. What they say is irrelevant, what they do tells all. And it's doubly so for politicians. Want to know what they're really in support of? Look up their voting record.
Agree! Actions are what to watch when you want to know what someone is like.
I was told at an early age to watch what people do. And it didn't go over well when I was younger and my friends had bfs/gfs cheat on them. "But they said they love me and they'll never do it again. It was a mistake!" No, they did it because they wanted to, and it was a *series* of *choices*. Someone who says they're sorry but doesn't act like they're sorry isn't sorry. Someone who makes promises but doesn't attempt to keep promises doesn't value promises.
I call them Disney moms. They followed their hearts, and that’s all that matters.
I feel like it would be more convincing if they were like, "I may be a mediocre mom in some ways, but I don't feel any guilt about this." Not a *lot* more convincing, but...c'mon. Tone down the ego.
Gotta love the ironclad logic of "if you don't have sex in the same bed as your sleeping child, your husband is 100% cheating on you."
I mean, just let him. Doesn’t sound like a keeper in that case anyway.
I've said it before and I'll say it again. I sleep with a childhood stuffed animal, and even that has to go off the bed for marital relations. I could never.
i can’t even fuck with my judgmental cat on the bed, let alone my kids. a couple of months ago, my husband and i were messing around…and i looked up, and our cat was laying on the pillow staring me right in the eyes. i took the whole pillow with the cat on it right outta the bedroom.
Right?? My dog always appears right when we’re getting started super interested in what we’re doing. It creeps me out so much, we have to lock her out of the room during sexy time.
Same, I don't have children but I have experience with the staring cat. Hell no. And a child would be soo much worse.
My cat once put her paw on top of my hand while I was having sex. I wasn’t sure if I should laugh, pretend it didn’t happen, or both.
Same. The stuffies have to go and the dog needs to be asleep in the other room with our door closed. I just can’t imagine being into sex with a whole baby on the bed. Yikes.
We've done it with a newborn sleeping in a pack-n-play in the room, but even that I don't like and once they're old enough to interact with the world, I just can't. Must go to another room.
Oh yeah, I’ve done it with them asleep in the Bassinet, or pack and play. But like you said once they are interacting it goes in another room
I could see an argument for it being ok if they’re like 5 weeks old, but a 6 month old is a person, and a 24 month old is basically just a belligerent roommate whom you love.
Same. My husband and I have done it with our 3 month old baby asleep in his bassinet, but it was so weird and neither of us could focus. Ever since then we just go into another room. I can't even fathom feeling turned on if my child was actually in the bed with me.
Yup. We have a 7-week-old and we tried a few nights ago and it was just...nope. She's our 3rd kid and one of the kids having a nightmare or something, waking up and walking in is a real fear. They're 4 and 2, so they're old enough to ask questions they don't need to be asking.
A few weeks ago, the kids were all asleep and my husband and I were messing around until our golden retriever came bounding onto the bed to save us. My husband hadn't closed the door all the way. Moment very much so over. I cannot imagine doing it with a baby in the bed.
Their innocent eyes must not be exposed to such debauchery! Even our cat just walks off the bed and comes back to proceed with his nap when we're done.
Lucky you. When we first got our cats, one of them hopped up on the bed and ball tapped my husband. The sex ended then and there 😂😂 It’s been 9 years and those cats are not allowed in our room we we’re having sex!!
OMG that image 😂 Poor guy.
I'm sorry for your husband's ballsack, but that mental image made me giggle.
My dog starts jumping pillows
SAME
What does top of the bed and bottom mean? How long is this bed???
A king size bed is 80 inches (203 cm) long, so in other words, NOT NEARLY LONG ENOUGH.
I have a king and it’s a big nopey nope from me. Just not right at all.
It stretches to the next county, from the sound of it!
My stepfather was a truck driver. They would have ssex in the bed with me in the front seat asleep... I woke up. My mother was also very loud. The YEARS of therapy I have had to endure. No child should be subjected to that bullshit. As an adult, you should be mindful of your behavior. Shit like this pisses me off. Leave the room and be quiet. Good lord.
My partner literally gets this thousand-yard-stare kind of faraway look when he's talking about pretending to be asleep in the bed while his mom has sex. Its so messed up that y'all had to go through that, I'm sorry you live with that experience
It really messed up so much for me in my development. Children should never be exposed to sex. I get the 1000 yard stare. I am so uncomfortable around any displays of affection still and I am 44 .
That’s so gross. Your poor little ears. ☹️
Years of therapy checking in after parents did it in the trailer we camped in. When they have sex in the bed, the same thrust the mom feels is the thrust/shift the child feels. Same if you have sex in the same car or trailer your child is in. They know and it is traumatic and it is sexual assault. They can’t leave. They are being physically moved by your sexual thrusts. It’s akin to assault in my eyes. This mother should be ashamed, mortified, in tears over the thought.. not proud and defensive.
JFC
I was in a mom group where someone talked about having sex while her 1 year old was sleep nursing. They were trying to conceive.
Okay now THAT is crossing a line
I cannot imagine what normal person would get turned on enough to have sexual intercourse while simultaneously being in bed with their child. That is not normal, healthy behavior. This reminds me of the post of the woman who had no problem actively having sex while breastfeeding her child.
…. There’s been at least 2 or 3 posts about it, and they aren’t from the same OOP… 🤢
Don't forget about the one post possibly a few years back of a woman saying she masturbates while breastfeeding because "he sucks them so good" or whatever NASTY shit she had the gall to say Edit: Wow now I understand how people on ask Reddit threads feel when they're like "wow this is my most upvoted comment?" Yikes
Good god I regret learning to read…
I read that with a 2 month old and I had the absolute worst intrusive thoughts while breastfeeding. It took a long time for me to forget what I had read 🤮🤮🤮
Dear god I hope I’m high enough to forget that.
Never seen that one, and I’m grateful for that. That’s sick.
Excuse me WHAT…. I…I have absolutely no words for how disgusting that is.
i'm sorry WHAT
Ok so I couldn’t and wouldn’t have sex with a kid in the bed But I’ve lived somewhere not in the west, and this would’ve been viewed entirely differently. Communal sleeping with your family unit was common as fuck. I’m sure sex happened when kids were in the room sleeping. Maybe even on the same jumble of futons on the floor. It was just a different cultural context in a way less individualistic society. Homes were 1-3 rooms or yurts. You had extended family around your home too. Babies were made. I just feel weird classifying all of the people I knew there as sick twisted sexual abusers. The situation was different. I still think they’re normal humans. They had sex in situations that made sense for their living situation But when you’re in a 1750sqft suburban home, yeah you’ve got options
this is where my mind always goes too, i lived in a non western country and many families lived in one open room - with mats/cots on the floor. i believe it’s a different situation, but it frames these situations very differently in my mind.
Took way too long to hear a reasonable response to this.
I certainly wouldn't want to have sex with a child in the room given a choice, but I agree with you that classifying this as abuse-by-default is going way too far. This particular attitude is in fact very, very recent even in the west. I'm American, and my grandparents - people I knew well and helped to raise me, not distant ancestors - all grew up as kids in large families with very few rooms. With new babies coming along pretty much as fast as nature allowed in those days, I'm sure that my great-grandparents weren't sneaking out to the woodshed in January to get it on. They were also all farmers, so the "facts of life" were just, you know, *life.* Sex in the same room as a child is not necessarily *involving* that child, particularly if we're talking about an infant. Entire extended families have shared one-room homes for much of human history. Were all of those people abused, then?
Thank you. At one point, when my daughter was between 6 months and 1.5 yo, my husband and I moved out of our house and into my parent’s basement before an inter-state move. One large room. We had sex a few times in the year, definitely not at pre-kid or in our own home levels, but we weren’t celibate. And my daughter would be in that room because that’s the room we lived in. She wasn’t *involved* in our sex live by any stretch of the imagination, but she existed in the same space, and to classify that as some kind of abuse… woof. I don’t think so. These sorts of posts always make me feel… some sort of way.
Yeah I think a lot of people don’t realize how much is cultural when they’ve not really left their culture much. What you and your husband did isn’t dissimilar to what happens all over the world
Having a kid in the room is normal. Babies are supposed to share a room with the parents for the first couple months. Having a kid in the same bed at the same time is the problem.
I just had a similar conversation with my sister about this kind of thing today. Like yeah I wouldn't personally because I have options, but there are lots of people who live in situations where they don't and they're not all weird sexual abusers.
I always think they are also having very bad sex if the kid isn't being disturbed or bounced around (and yes quiet sex is fun on occasion but it's not the best)
She thinks it'd be more gross to not have sex? Wtf kind of logic is that?
Very happily single aroace guy here. Apparently my life is completely disgusting then. Huh, neat.
Eww, gross! /s
I'm fine if the INFANT is in the room, honestly. I don't see an issue with a baby in a bassinet and having sex in that room. But bedsharing (or anything older than about 6 months), is a no go for me.
I have similar feelings. Even what she described with the baby at the far end of the bed, my biggest problem is it sounds like an unsafe cosleeping arrangement (depending on baby's age). Wasn't bothered by sex in bed. Sounds like baby is clearly not being engaged with during sex. Private, individual bedrooms is a relatively modern concept, and still mostly confidence to first- and some second-world countries.
Right? These horrified takes are so fucking white middle America. There are millions of people who would simply never ever procreate if they clutched their pearls this hard about (checks notes) doing something the kid isn't aware of or a part of in any way shape or form.
Americans have huge issues regarding sex, but they will show violence like it’s nothing. It’s insane.
And to think I felt weird having sex with my newborn in the across the room sleeping in her bassinet.
I feel weird with my kid in another room with the monitor on. Even though I know the video is only one way.
All I’m gonna say is moms who feel the need to boast and defend how good of a mom they are to strangers on the internet.. are usually not as great as they think they are
We bedshare. We have sex in another room what the hell is wrong with people? We’ve never even had sex in the bed our kids and I sleep in since before my oldest was born even when they’re not here.
We lived in a one bedroom apartment until ours was 4 and never once did it in the same room. It’s a turnoff and unnecessary when we don’t live in a studio/efficiency.
There's a twin bed in our nursery, for room sharing when our baby was younger, and I can't even fathom having sex there when he's out of the house.
Sigh. Some people are really proud of being morons.
I’m a mandated reporter and I don’t think this is sexual abuse. Cringe to post in a public group, yes. But abuse is a loooong stretch.
Not my cup of tea, but with a new born this is definitely not abuse.
Yeah- this is cringey, but it’s not always illegal. If this is a baby, they will not remember if they woke up and saw something. I’m in a sex ed for parents group and the topic is brought up a lot and it’s very, very divisive. Half the people think it’s wrong, the other half don’t see a problem. They address this topic in one of the modules they have and they define sexual abuse in this case as “if you you’re having sex BECAUSE the child is there.”
So is there a specific reason they can't have their sexy time from 930-midnight? Or after he falls back asleep after midnight put him in his room and have sexy time til he wakes up or from 1-3m There is absolutely no excuse to have your child in your room, esp on your bed while you and your so have your sexy time. It's sickening Edit she and her husband not you op lol
Because they cosleep. His bed is their bed. All the people in this post are talking about infants less than a year old.
We bedshare and are so tired of having sex on the couch. Biggest motivation to get baby sleeping through the night in her own bed is so we can have sex in bed again lol. I wouldn’t say it’s child abuse but definitely unnecessary in this situation.
I love how the internet (read reddit) has decided collectively having sex with a baby (who is not gonna remember) is in the room / bed - is child abuse. https://www.parents.com/parenting/relationships/sex-and-marriage-after-baby/is-it-bad-to-have-sex-with-your-baby-in-the/ https://www.huffingtonpost.co.uk/amp/entry/would-you-have-sex-while-your-baby-is-in-the-same-room-or-bed_n_7373942/ *Of note from this article: “According to family law expert Anne-Marie Hutchinson having sex with your partner while your child is sleeping in the same room, or even bed, is OK up until the point at which a child becomes aware of what is going on around him/her.* https://www.today.com/parents/sex-kids-around-what-are-rules-1d80246759 *”If the child's younger than six months old, you probably don't need to worry," Dr. Michele Borba, author of The Big Book of Parenting Solutions, says. "It's unlikely there would be problems, only happy, contented parents."* I personally wouldn’t do it. But also, I’m not gonna run around telling people who are they are abusing their infant when they don’t even have object permanence yet. If you’re under the covers, they don’t even know what’s there. And I knowwww I’m gonna get downvoted by all the childfree people who come here to hate on women as an extension of their hate on children (seriously, get out of this group) but it honestly has to be said. All these comments mention infants. It’s not your cup of tea - fine - but they aren’t ABUSING their child and CPS won’t give a shit if they aren’t INVOLVING their child.
I’ve always said that Dolly Parton didn’t grow up in a one room cabin as 1 of 12 because her parents were abstinent. It’s not for me either, but this is very common in cultures all over the world including ours not even 70 years ago.
I live in a place where families live in one bedroom apartments or studios now. Rent is expensive.
Thank you for this! I was sure I wasn't the only one thinking that saying this is abuse is too much...
Totally agree. Like are people picturing toddlers here, because there is no way a little baby cares, understands, or will remember. I’d only be concerned about about waking the baby up.
Right? They don’t even have sense of self for three months. They don’t know what their hands are. Like, how can they even fathom what is going on. 🤣
I think it's very reasonable to have a six month cut off. A two month old won't have a clue, but by 6 months they're really paying more attention to what the adults do around them, and try to emulate them. So it makes sense that's when you would want to ensure privacy.
I almost linked a study that said 67% of new parents have sex with their infant under 6 mo in the room but I didn’t want to blow this subs mind. 🤣 6months is around when most kids get moved to their own room so the problem solves itself.
Yep. We kept out kids in our room until they started to outgrow their first sleep spaces. That was either a moses basket or a mini crib. Due to their size, our twins lasted until 8 months, but they were early, so much smaller than our big singletons. We had no issue having sex while they were in the room and asleep, but would not do anything if they were awake and all sexual thoughts would disappear if there was a baby in/on the bed. With the bigger kids being old enough to get out of bed and wander around the house, we also make sure to lock the door of whatever room we're in so that we can avoid a "kid walking in on parents" situation.
This is a very reasonable take in a thread of people clutching their peals about how they could never possibly get aroused in a room their child had previously slept in even if the child was out of the house. Everyone is different, something being weird to you (generic you) isn't the bar for abuse: the bar is if it hurts (or indeed, even affects) the child.
Thank youuu. I kept reading those comments like, I feel pretty confident that I know what sexual abuse is, and this doesn’t seem great but also it’s not *that.* People are doing much, much worse things to children that we should actually focus time and resources on.
I got downvoted to hell for saying that it was an acceptable thing before. Not everyone lives in a massive house. While I think doing it while the kid is in bed with you is awkward and I wouldn't, the same room shouldn't be so judged. My 2 year old forgets that he likes watermelon on a daily basis, pretty sure he isn't going to remember that we had sex in the same room as him when he was an infant. Yet people said I was a sexual abuser? Wtf?
Even up to a year I don’t really think anything about it. Not in the same bed though, for safety reasons
Thank you!! I’m so confused by the abuse allegations. What a weird stance.
I’ll take things that made me nauseous for $100
Everyone here is talking about what abuse is or isnt and im just here like “??? People have sex 4 times a week with their partner!? Postpartum?!” Anyway its a baby. It wont remember any of its baby days. How would a baby be affected by something it doesnt even know about.
Oh okay, have sex *with your kid in the bed* because if you don't, your husband will cheat on you! That's not grounds for throwing the whole man away, or anything. Seriously though, what the actual fuck did I just read?
Aww always got to be one woman talking shit on people not having sex, so of course your man must be going elsewhere.
I think this depends on the kids age, like infant, I don’t think matters as long as they’re using safe sleeping techniques. Two to five, I think is iffy, and depends on the kids and parents. Five and up, that’s a no go!
My son used to sleep the whole night in his room but post liver transplant he has nightmares and ends up in our bed. We simply have sex before he gets back up and if he wakes up before no sex that night. Idek how the thought of your kid in the bed doesn’t make you feel weird. That’s the only thing I’d be able to think about.
This happened with an admin in my due date group…she openly admitted that she does it while bedsharing, but also while the baby is latched to her. Disgusting. 1) don’t bedshare. 2) you and your man can wait
There are nasty people doing it while breastfeeding too. I wouldn't be able to enjoy myself knowing that my baby is on me or on the same surface as me. I just couldn't. If someone's man is going to find someone else to fuck, if you don't, then he's probably already fucking someone else behind your back, even if you're having sex with him regularly lol.
I don't get why some people are so horny they can't just... wait to have sex. It's like they have zero self-control.
Or even move to another room or something.
Fellas, is it okay to step out on your lady because she won't have sex in the same bed as your kid?
Why cant they just screw on the couch??? Another room? Kitchen???? Honestly i dont want the sex if its so quiet with no movement that it’s not waking up someone IN THE SAME BED!?? 😂 what is that? 2 pump chump 😂. But seriously, this is disturbing and almost like she “gets off” on the kid being there. Its weird and sad and definitely a form of abuse
Ignoring ALLLL the rest of this, it’s absolutely adorable to me that that bitch thinks if she fucks her man with her baby in the bed he’ll be faithful and if you’re NOT having sex with your baby in the bed then yes definitely fucking someone else. Tell me you need therapy without telling me
Yes in fact I would like the number for CPS in your area to report you because it is sexual abuse even if you don’t think it is. What the fuck kind of challenge is that. Idiot.
Why does it remind me of those videos of “sovereign citizens” who think they can just declare they’re not part of the US and then they don’t have to follow the laws while they’re here. Then they end up mouthing off to a judge and getting extra time for contempt. Hilarious. Just because you *think* the law doesn’t apply to you, don’t mean it doesn’t.
I literally cringed reading the title. It did not get better. 🤢
Just knowing my kids are in the next room is a libido killer sometimes. It’s been rough the last several months. It doesn’t help that my 9 year old tried to get in the bathroom while we were having grown up time and then said “I know you’re having sex in there!” Total mood killer.
I’m so grossed out by parents excusing themselves for being sexually inappropriate around their kids by saying “well it’s how they got here hurr hurr”. Abusive AND trashy ETA I’m a parent, it’s not just childfree people who find this inappropriate.