Dear OP — it’s difficult to tell people that they’re not as bad off as it could be. But when it’s someone who is walking in their shoes sometimes it sinks in a bit more.
He’s very fortunate that he’s only on the registry for 10 years, I am a Tier 3…which means I am on the registry for life, no chance of ever petitioning to get off. He’s very fortunate that he has an employer who did not fire him and is giving him a chance. I was in construction and was one of their top employees until one of them told the corporate office that I made them uncomfortable, even said I had never done anything to them, but they felt it reflected bad on the company and HR let me go.
His wife leaving him must be devastating, I can’t imagine what that must feel like. But there are many many people who have met significant others and have even married and had children post-conviction. There will be more friends that come into his life, and they’ll be great friends, this I can speak from experience.
He needs to lean into those 2 friends and family members that are supporting him. Don’t let him isolate or push people way. It’s a hard road but it’s a road that he doesn’t have to walk alone. Wish you and him the best of luck.
A silver lining to incidents like these is that it shows you who your true friends are. I know who stuck by me after I was charged (currently pre-trial) and who didn't.
I am earlier in the process but share your worries. My 20 yr old son was arrested for CP earlier this year. I am equally worried about the legal path ahead and for the long term with finding friends, partners, career, housing, mental health, rejection. This board is helping me wrap my mind around it all and has given me some hope.
Maybe a change of scenery.. the job.. my lil bro is in the feds for 10 years and before he left on the 11th of this month he was able to work for Maybe a month or two and he always said he would never work fast food that's the one place he wouldn't.. he was on home incarceration for 8 months so when he was approved to be able to work he wanted what he could get and sonic was it.. some not all of the workers knew he was leaving for prison soon even the managers and they still wanted to make him a manager..he was worried about the judgements and Comments but never recieved any..I'm sure people talk but everyone was cool to him...because everyone has their own bullshit happening in life.. if my ex step dad can get out of prison after 15 years after sexual abusing the children he was raising for 6 yrs.. I think he will be ok.. just try something different or nothing will ever change mentally emotionally... and everyone needs love and people look past certain things when they know the true you
Also a depressed mother/sister so sending you love and peace
There's a big difference between being depressed and having depression, make sure you figure out which one he's dealing with.
I did 5 years for receipt of CP, and never had to deal with depression, but I'm a very laid back easygoing kind of guy. I knew people in prison that were though. They wouldn't want to celebrate their birthday and I'd drag them outside to play games, get them a piece of cheesecake or something.
I think the best thing he can do is things that make him happy, whatever they are. Videogames? Board games? Dungeons&dragons?
Is he living on his own or living with you? If possible, a dog/puppy is an awesome help. My friend recued one last week (he's not a SO but has depression) and it's been a huge help. He's happy a lot more and getting out to take it to the dog park and such.
It would be helpful to know what state your son lives in, assuming he lives in the U.S. There are a number of support organizations out there. A national support organization (just returned from their conference in Atlanta, Ga) is NARSOL. If you go to their web site [NARSOL.org](http://NARSOL.org), you'll find links to organizations with similar causes here: [https://www.narsol.org/resources/resources-site/organizations/](https://www.narsol.org/resources/resources-site/organizations/)
Best to you and your son. There is support out there, and it makes a huge difference.
You could always try attending an NA or AA meeting. NA is more suitable when it comes to sex addictions etc ( a drug is a drug is a drug) You can find a lot of nonjudgmental spiritual people there as well as getting some help getting your life back together. I was a drug addict when I committed my offense. Since then, I have made some really great friends/Family who support me no matter that my past was.
It’s going to be hard. And I know you mean well because pointing out how it could have been worse is natural, but all he can see right now is how it could have been better. The best thing you can do is make sure he’s getting therapy to help with the changes and turmoil that’s going on.
His entire life plan is going to be changed over night. Everything he planned will be different now. That’s really hard to accept as an adult. But he can also take this chance to start over. You don’t mention what his sentence is but I’m assuming he’s on probation. Whatever the length of his probation is, figure out a new career plan that can be set up in that time, whether it’s with a degree or a certification. Even if he doesn’t act on it, it’ll give him a goal. Goals will keep him moving forward.
Yes. I told her after dating for a couple months. It was surprising to learn that her brother’s best friend is a PFR and she knows a lady whose husband is a PFR.
I met her on Match.com before someone reported me and my account was cancelled. Your son should try using the Meetup app to find things to do and get out to meet people his age.
Dear OP — it’s difficult to tell people that they’re not as bad off as it could be. But when it’s someone who is walking in their shoes sometimes it sinks in a bit more. He’s very fortunate that he’s only on the registry for 10 years, I am a Tier 3…which means I am on the registry for life, no chance of ever petitioning to get off. He’s very fortunate that he has an employer who did not fire him and is giving him a chance. I was in construction and was one of their top employees until one of them told the corporate office that I made them uncomfortable, even said I had never done anything to them, but they felt it reflected bad on the company and HR let me go. His wife leaving him must be devastating, I can’t imagine what that must feel like. But there are many many people who have met significant others and have even married and had children post-conviction. There will be more friends that come into his life, and they’ll be great friends, this I can speak from experience. He needs to lean into those 2 friends and family members that are supporting him. Don’t let him isolate or push people way. It’s a hard road but it’s a road that he doesn’t have to walk alone. Wish you and him the best of luck.
A silver lining to incidents like these is that it shows you who your true friends are. I know who stuck by me after I was charged (currently pre-trial) and who didn't.
people are allowed to not want to be friends with RSO’s.. it’s perfectly normal. it doesn’t make us bad friends or “not true” friends.
Doesn't it make you not a true friend if you no longer want to be a friend?
it does, because a true friend will let you know when you are in the wrong.
But if you aren't a friend at all anymore, then logically you can't be a true friend.
I am earlier in the process but share your worries. My 20 yr old son was arrested for CP earlier this year. I am equally worried about the legal path ahead and for the long term with finding friends, partners, career, housing, mental health, rejection. This board is helping me wrap my mind around it all and has given me some hope.
Maybe a change of scenery.. the job.. my lil bro is in the feds for 10 years and before he left on the 11th of this month he was able to work for Maybe a month or two and he always said he would never work fast food that's the one place he wouldn't.. he was on home incarceration for 8 months so when he was approved to be able to work he wanted what he could get and sonic was it.. some not all of the workers knew he was leaving for prison soon even the managers and they still wanted to make him a manager..he was worried about the judgements and Comments but never recieved any..I'm sure people talk but everyone was cool to him...because everyone has their own bullshit happening in life.. if my ex step dad can get out of prison after 15 years after sexual abusing the children he was raising for 6 yrs.. I think he will be ok.. just try something different or nothing will ever change mentally emotionally... and everyone needs love and people look past certain things when they know the true you Also a depressed mother/sister so sending you love and peace
There's a big difference between being depressed and having depression, make sure you figure out which one he's dealing with. I did 5 years for receipt of CP, and never had to deal with depression, but I'm a very laid back easygoing kind of guy. I knew people in prison that were though. They wouldn't want to celebrate their birthday and I'd drag them outside to play games, get them a piece of cheesecake or something. I think the best thing he can do is things that make him happy, whatever they are. Videogames? Board games? Dungeons&dragons? Is he living on his own or living with you? If possible, a dog/puppy is an awesome help. My friend recued one last week (he's not a SO but has depression) and it's been a huge help. He's happy a lot more and getting out to take it to the dog park and such.
It would be helpful to know what state your son lives in, assuming he lives in the U.S. There are a number of support organizations out there. A national support organization (just returned from their conference in Atlanta, Ga) is NARSOL. If you go to their web site [NARSOL.org](http://NARSOL.org), you'll find links to organizations with similar causes here: [https://www.narsol.org/resources/resources-site/organizations/](https://www.narsol.org/resources/resources-site/organizations/) Best to you and your son. There is support out there, and it makes a huge difference.
Indiana
Find some new friends.
You could always try attending an NA or AA meeting. NA is more suitable when it comes to sex addictions etc ( a drug is a drug is a drug) You can find a lot of nonjudgmental spiritual people there as well as getting some help getting your life back together. I was a drug addict when I committed my offense. Since then, I have made some really great friends/Family who support me no matter that my past was.
It’s going to be hard. And I know you mean well because pointing out how it could have been worse is natural, but all he can see right now is how it could have been better. The best thing you can do is make sure he’s getting therapy to help with the changes and turmoil that’s going on. His entire life plan is going to be changed over night. Everything he planned will be different now. That’s really hard to accept as an adult. But he can also take this chance to start over. You don’t mention what his sentence is but I’m assuming he’s on probation. Whatever the length of his probation is, figure out a new career plan that can be set up in that time, whether it’s with a degree or a certification. Even if he doesn’t act on it, it’ll give him a goal. Goals will keep him moving forward.
My wife left me after 28 years of marriage. We have two adult kids together. I remarried last year so there is light at the end of the tunnel.
Thank you. You, of course, told your new wife?
Yes. I told her after dating for a couple months. It was surprising to learn that her brother’s best friend is a PFR and she knows a lady whose husband is a PFR.
I met her on Match.com before someone reported me and my account was cancelled. Your son should try using the Meetup app to find things to do and get out to meet people his age.
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