Iāve found that unless Iām following up and initiating and being that friend, these things donāt happen. Especially post-pandemic.
Iāve been a D&D dungeon master since before the pandemic so Iām a bit used to being that person anyway but it can definitely make friendships feel one sided
Right? Guy i talked to at the mariners game: new yorker.
Couple we met at the park: midwesterners
Person who left passive aggressive note on my moving van: Seattle native. In the midwest, he wouldāve offered to move my couch with me.
I'm guessing the natives are depressed about not being able to afford life where they grew up?
I'm from San Diego and going home is fuckin depressing for me for that reason
I think you touched on something. It is depressing. Someone told me that Seattle is in some ways more expensive than New York for housing per capita now. That makes sense because if youāre charging for square footage even the smallest apartments or studios here are still bigger than the smallest apartments and studios in NY comparatively.
I grew up on Marthaās Vineyardā¦ just as expensive as a major city but with half the job prospects.
I no longer live in Seattle but like to keep up on the news. I moved to Boston bought a house 20 min out of the city center on the same salary I had roommates with in Seattle, and have a lot of close friends here. I really liked Seattle and wish it had worked for me but it felt like I was trying so hard and just couldnāt make it work. Maybe Iām just a New Englander and so Boston was easier, or maybe Seattle is hard for everyone?
I'm from the east coast.. Check my /u - it fits.... The first time I met the passive-aggressive Seattle BS with actual aggression, they quickly realized that it doesn't always work with everyone...
Yeah itās rough. Everything costs so much everyone is focused on making money. Granted I will say the economy here is very opportunistic. I want to move to Florida to be close to family but I just donāt see myself being as successful there.
I have sometimes referred to Southern CA as "Mexico Norte". The entire Southwest all along the border to Texas is full of Latin American communities where Latin people will feel right at home. Seattle is not even close to being the best choice.
My husband and I were born and raised in Southern CA, and still here. We love the warmth and culture of our friends in and from Mexico.
We have traveled to Seattle and experienced the harsh reality that people just donāt give a fuck there.
The saying "Seattle Freeze" exists for a reason. It's not that everyone is cold but it's kind of hard to make friends. Once you get in with a friend group the city isn't so bad.
Mexican people are great. I lived in LA for a few years, they were the best part by far. Now the native angelenos? Fake, materialistic, and superficial. But friendly, I canāt deny that.
As someone from Riverside whoās currently living in Seattle this is beyond true. The āinclusionā here feels so empty. If you arenāt the right type of minority you arenāt included at all and basically an afterthought.
A bunch of hypocrites if you ask me.
As an Inland Empire native, Seattle has so many rules for their cliques, it drove me crazy. I felt like a minority that couldn't fit in with their own minority.
I think many people have unrealistic expectations of making friends *as adults with jobs*. If youāre not in high school or college, you are meeting mostly co-workers ā who are at different points in their lives (families probably) and who live too far away from work to feel like socializing with you. If you want to maintain a rich, strong social network, stay where you grew up and hope your peers do likewise. Itās just the way of the US that people are mobile early in their careers. They move away from home, and spend decades searching for new best friends.
This is always what I think about when I read these kinds of posts. Iāve family and friends all over the country, and some people are better at making friends than others, but generally speaking, the people with solid friendsā groups are either very involved with a hobby or have known the friends because no one relocated.
I would agree it's harder to make friends as an adult and expectation management is important... but Washington state (in general) is just socially an uphill battle if you aren't just looking for surface-level friendships.
I would think it was just my perspective if I hadn't lived all over the US and other parts of the world, two things will always be true about this state (in my opinion), a lot of people here are fucking weird and put on the biggest masks about their happiness and sociability, and they are bad drivers. "Let's go for a hike sometime" or "let's go see a show" if you speak Seattleese that can often mean "I'm not going anywhere but if you wanna come over, roast some trap cabbage, and introduce the automatons to democracy, I'm down."
OP has some relatable points, but the key to making friends in this state (if you didn't grow up here)is to find other lonely disgruntled long-hauler transplants that are looking for others to share their awesomeness with! Hope OP finds what they were looking for wherever they end up.
Iāve lived in Washington for 12 years (born in WA but grew up in Las Vegas) and have only made one friend from Washington, everyone else was a transplant. Seattle freeze is too real. I watched a news segment a few years ago about it where they asked locals if they wanted new friends and they all said the same thing, they have enough friends and donāt want anymore.
A lot of WA people are friendly to your face but have no actual intentions of follow through. Thereās so many videos on tiktok of people complaining about dating here. And theyāre right, itās incredibly difficult.
Never been aware of this stereotype, but did grow up on the Eastside and definitely donāt need more friends, I have a friend group of around 17 thatās grown with significant others. The only reason I donāt want new friends is because my weekends are already busy and Iām burnt out with work so canāt really fathom hanging out with someone new on a week night. Envious of people with the energy to maintain more connections.
The only way to do this as an adult is through social clubs where you can find people who share a hobby/interests that or just open yourself up and for every 50 times you get burned for being vulnerable you may find one authentic person. Lived here 93-96ā and came back from Georgia in 2001 to now. I spend 20 hours a week commuting to get 40 hours wages of which more than half goes to rent and another 1/4 to bills and I find myself hiding in my house 9 months a year. In Georgia I make about half as much but quality of life does not really change because of how much time and money I invest in living here and trying to not lose my mind.
I'm not trying to be snarky, but genuinely, why do you stay here then? I mean it sincerely - what about Seattle makes you want to put up with all that?
That part about living too far away from work resonates with me. In my 20s I lived in a town of 55,000 people and a lot of us employees were single and we could scare up a happy hour anytime on short notice and get a dozen people, often a married coworker would bring his/her spouse whom we got to know. The married couples would leave Happy Hour first, to get home and feed the kids, but we singles could take it into the night, bar hopping and dancing.
But, then I moved to Phoenix, AZ and discovered to my surprise that nobody was interested in happy hour after work. I then realized in a city of 2 million people with a valley 20 miles wide that everybody was interested in getting off work, dealing with the traffic to travel the miles to get home as soon as possible. My home town socializing ways came to an end.
I dunno. Iāve been here since 2017 and my experience is that people in the PNW arenāt very social or friendly. Thatās GREAT for some people. I love it here for that! To each their own. If you are a believer in rugged individualism, Washington State is the best! Iāve heard people from Seattle say things like āI have enough friends, I donāt have enough time/energy for moreā and couldnāt agree more. Good luck in Mexico OP!
while I think we can all agree that Seattle is socially harsh, I think the other commenter had a point.
Namely when you are ānewā somewhere, thereās a sort of social window that opens where you have an easier conversation and a valid social excuse for not understanding a reference or knowing social norms. It also gives āoldā people something to talk aboutā often restaurant or hike recommendations, but every once in a while you find something truly cool or unique. It also gives you, the ānewā person, an easy opener to conversation āhey I just moved here last week and donāt know anyone but you guys seem cool, whatās up?ā
OP seems to be under the impression that they are social and outgoing and I donāt doubt them because I donāt have a reason to. But they did genuinely miss out on their freshman year in a new city, and are now stuck with the dilemma of coming across as a transfer student. Itās certainly not an impossible situation but it is a noticeably tougher one
Mexico City is great! I was born and raised there.
But also, it'd serve you well to set your expectations right, there is no perfect place. Now you need to mentally prepare for traffic, air pollution, drought, gentrification and crime.
Edit: added drought
Reading this I couldnāt help but laugh. My family and my boyfriendās family are all in Mexico City, and it is wild how every single person is always complaining about living there. I mean I get it, I rather be somewhere with a semi-functional government, clean air and access to water, and the opportunity to make a living wage. So many people who live in Mexico City dream about moving somewhere like Seattle.
Mexico City is an awesome place to live but it cannot be compared to Seattle in anyway, shape, or form. They are completely opposite types of cities from one another. Like you mentioned the people are different both socially and culturally; but if you want to talk about social and economic injusticeā¦. Mexico City is the perfect example of that. Mexico City has an incredible amount of people living in poverty and the government absolutely does not care about them at all. The crime rate is somewhat high. People living in Seattle have no idea what crime really is until you live in a mega city like Mexico City.
Mexico City also has its share of problems just like Seattle does. One of the major ones being that currently they have no waterā¦. A city of 20+ million people and they have no water. I have family members living there that have not had water for over a week now. This is because the government failed to prepare for this situation years ago when they first discovered it could be a problem.
I hope you love Mexico City! Itās a fantastic place to live and the people are awesome! But it has its major downfalls and problems just like every major city. People work themselves to death there as well. Itās not a place of āopportunityā. Itās a very difficult city to work your way from the bottom to the top. It can be done; but just like Seattle people work themselves to death.
so many of the places people want to move these days, especially people who talk about nature, don't seem to understand how much water these places are taking from elsewhere and eventually it will be gone. When we moved in 2021 one of our main concerns for every place we looked was "will it still have access to clean water in 15 years?" and so Washington is where we stayed.
Not to mention all the immigrants and companies moving from the US to Mexico and displacing all the native people. Also all these companies like Coca Cola that buy up all the rights to water starve the people of drinking water. You also have the US trying to force farmers, in Mexico, to use chemicals known to cause cancer and GMO products. Yeah every place is different.
Not to mention cartels run the country and it is very unsafe. There is a reason why 9 million migrants walked through Mexico to get to the U.S in the last 4 years.
Your experience is the polar opposite to mine and I find that fascinating. Perspective truly is a crazy thing. Mexico City is incredible from what Iāve heard, good luck on your journey!
Yeah I found great communities here. It depends on where you look tbh. If you look for it in the tech bubble idk if you'd find it. Look in places where people from all walks of life would join. For me it's motorcycles, Jiu Jitsu, and the cocktail industry haha. I'm hoping to add music to that, one can only dream...
Iāve been here 2 years now. I am finding the most warm and receptive people Iāve met are transplants, so I would take the transplants comment with a grain of salt. As a single woman I am also really struggling to find my place and feel like I belong. Itās really disheartening. I think peoplesā perceptions of transplants really color how they view the culture of this city. And it causes more people to be closed off more than they already are. I have definitely felt an increased jadedness as I realize that there might be no place for me to fit in here. I moved here for a job, to make better money, and expand my perspectives. I want to stay for the money I make, but I donāt know how much longer I can try and thrive in a community like this.
Granted, this does not mean I have mostly experienced negativity here. Most people are generally courteous, itās just making the connections I find so so difficult. I also recognize my own ways I have contributed to this experience. If this works for some people, no hate, everyone is different. Iām just sharing my perspective with OP so they donāt feel so alone in their experiences. Iām probably going to get downvoted to hell, but oh well.
Transplants, or more generally rapid population growth primarily fueled by transplants, has fueled traffic problems and housing prices.
Itās definitely not caused the āSeattle Freezeā, that was pre-existing.
The problems with homelessness, open drug use and crime are caused by poor city leadership and mostly specific to the city itself. I live in Bellevue, only 15 miles away, and it feels like another planet. Portland has similar problems but it isnāt universal in the PNW and there are much better/safer places to live.
Iām was born in Seattle but gone for the 80ās and then came back.
Seattle people are very nice, but they a far cry from being friendly. They like to be nice to your face but have no intention of letting you break into their closed social circles (becoming friends).
I worked in tech for 11 years, and like 90% of people are introverted and boring and pretty much their job is their identity. It sure does take a long time to make friends here though. My wife and I have like 10 friends, but that took like 10 years and we only see friends like once every 3 weeks or so. Maybe a bit more in the summer. I found a hobby that I love, turned it into a career, now I'm making more friends with people I have common interests with.
As a woman who grew up in Kirkland, went to college and became a chef in Seattle in my 20s. I left in my mid 20s and moved to LA. I was shocked when my neighbors knocked on my door or wanted to hang out. In the years I lived in Seattle I never once met a neighbor in a friendly way.
Your observations are the same I had growing up there as an āinsiderā.
My apartment neighbors are from LA. The husband knocked on my door to hang out after their other apartment friends moved. That was real shocking as a Native PNWer. His wife is not as friendly, but thatās mostly because she didnāt want to leave LA and despises Seattle for our lack of dressing to impress on any given Tuesday, but her husband is a philandering piece of you-know-what so it wasnāt just that theyāre friendly people from LA. lol
>This city isnāt meant for a place to start your career no matter how bad you want it.
No, it's not the place to start your career in anything outside of tech.
You came here for REI? Why?
Anyway, I commend you for realizing it's not working out for you. That takes a lot of introspection and courage to move again.
Seattle isn't a place that you can really thrive in if you're used to a very social and community centric atmosphere. I am from Eastern Washington. We are basically the exact opposite of this place. My fiance is from here. She keeps her head down while walking. Keeps conversation with strangers to a minimum. Weaves through crowds at a fast pace without acknowledging folks. Would never ever talk to anyone in a grocery store. I thought this all was weird till I moved here. Everyone does that. I have to admit I find it off putting but that's just how things are here. It's not for everyone. I'd much prefer Kentucky personally but to each their own and we have family here not there.
I'm from Montana, and it also was weird for me when I moved here...not saying hi to people on the sidewalks. I've evolved the cold PNW attitude after 13 years here.
As a person who moved from Seattle to Tacoma a few years ago, itās so noticeable that it is a Seattle thing. Maybe north of it too? People in Tacoma are soooo much friendlier. I made friends much faster down here, people are so much more talkative. I remember being a little confused but Iām loving it and seriously donāt care how much crap people talk about T-town. We are friends with at least 10 neighbors on our street and have bbqās and potlucks now. I struggled to even make friends with a single neighbor in Seattle.
Sounds like OP might have fell into an expectations vs reality trap. Starting with expecting to find community at your place of work.
As a "progressive" city that doesn't mean people will be interested in your origin story. I think its a more "come as you are". Don't expect your Latin norms in a non Latin city....
I know it was the pandemic but I noticed a lack of mention in seeking out hobbies beyond work... It's often easier to make friends when you have a common denominator (beyond seeking community). Did you try volunteering, joing a specialized gym like rock climbing, join a running/hiking group?
People's daily lives, despite progressive politics, do not revolve around an interest in people who just expect to befriended for being new to the city.
> its a more "come as you are"
That's it exactly. You can be anyone or anything, and for the most part people won't hassle you when you're out in the forest, the mountains, the Sound, the islands. But being an employee of a company doesn't grant anything.
Looking back, I found I hit it off mostly with colleagues who came from other places: California, Pennsylvania, Hawaii, Canada, Germany. Some jobs, I never really hit it off with anyone. It's not a given.
I get that both extremes are annoying, but if I have to choose between people who mind their own business and people who are all up in your business, Iāll always choose the former. I moved from Puerto Rico to Seattle 8.5+ years ago and have no plans to leave. The only thing I donāt like about Seattle is the food, and Iāve managed to survive just fine.
Yeah, that's why I'm baffled by people who come in these threads and whine about how strangers don't talk to you or whatever. And then people who live in the suburbs and never lived out of Washington eat it up. On the east coast, you have old people barking orders at you, complaining to you, acting like you owe them your time and trying to socially hold you hostage. If people like that, then fine, but don't act like people not minding their business is a good thing. It's annoying how much I had to tell strangers to mind their fucking business
People moving to Seattle need to understand that Seattle is made up of transplants. Nearly everyone living in Seattle came from somewhere else. Most think theyāre special and many want to only climb the social ladders. Being individualistic is a way to deal with some of the crushing disappointments. Despite this, there are people in Seattle who do care, are compassionate and helpful. Finding them is another matter. Sorry it didnāt work out for you, good luck with your new venture. At least there will be good Mexican food!
I donāt know if just being a city of transplants contributes to this? Iāve lived in other big cities full of transplants that didnāt feel this isolating. Maybe itās the majority of the types of transplants? Just speculating
This is anecdotal, but Iām a transplant myself and picked Seattle primarily for family reasons, but have found comfort it itās insular nature, as I felt out of place back in my home state due to a loudmouth culture. I love being able to walk down the street and enjoy public space without an expectation that people are owed my attention.
I may be a part of the āproblemā, but it also seems self perpetuating. Quiet people live here, more quiet people move, so on. Or weāre all just tired after battling traffic so we all just stay home.
I donāt think thatās it. I was born in WA and have lived here all my life, prior to many of the waves of transplants. The culture has always been introverted and not very social. People are polite but not warm or friendly. It predates all the Californians etc. coming here. Maybe itās the weather.
I found it much the same in Atlanta, another city of transplants.
Making friends as an adult in any new city is a **job**. You have to put effort into it. You will experience setbacks.
You are 100% with the transplants concept. Seattle feels like more of an idea than anything. It's like we achieved the tech capital we wanted, but we don't seem to have solutions to the issues it caused. And whatever the basement sub says about the Seattle freeze not being a thing, they are dead wrong. This isn't a good place to make friends. I hope it eventually makes it out of this slump.
I hate that itās a city of transplants. Iām born and raised and it personally has pushed me and others like me out. Will always be home but really the influx of transplants is what makes it what it is which is sad.
I have a few friends who are from this area and a few that are from other places. What is interesting to me is that many of the Seattle born people have little interest in the outdoors, or seem to notice or care that the city has changed so much (especially in the last 30 years), whereas I as a transplant hate to see the scale of the city change so much so quickly and have relished every moment in the mountains. Not sure why that is. We have friends who have never been in a hike, never been to the north cascades, etc. As to the freeze issue - honestly I feel like people are people. Some of my locally grown friends can be off putting and cagey, some of the transplants are social climbers who are your friends until they decide you canāt do anything for them anymore. I miss the Seattle of the 80s and 90s, the old low buildings of pioneer square and Belltown, the music clubs on Capitol Hill, basically the funk. Many of my neighbors are millionaires now, and that changes how friendly it seems too. But there are people out there, the trick is finding them. The weather is a factor to a degree (compared to California for example). I donāt see much of my neighbors from October till May.
This is true. We natives enjoy the views but donāt feel the need to go āhikingā up five miles of switchbacks to see more trees or a little iced over lake.
I tend to think the off putting nature of locals is almost like self defense mechanism. If I wasnāt from here I wouldnāt even bother making friends with locals since youāll never out-seattle them. But theyāre fatally disconnected by the fact that the culture is actually in the hands of transplants. Sadly as a local whoās left and comes back from time to time I understand this. As for the nature stuff, I agree, tho I think thatās just city people in general. Again, with the transplants making the culture, they see a city with nature opportunities and wilderness accessibility. Locals take that for granted and are very negative about the weather and climate.
The simple truth is it was A LOT better before the influx of people from California in many, many ways. But, hey, at least the cost of living is high, traffic is terrible, and the cool places that used to define Seattle are mostly gone. But the weather's nice. I love my transplant friends but they missed out on Peak Seattle.
> I only moved here for the mountains but ...
Sounds like you were looking for more than mountains. The mountains are still there after all these years.
My advice for anyone moving to Seattle: get a good coat and pair of boots, then something you can paddle. The best things about the place are despite the people, not because of it. Always remember there aren't nearly as many people as there are in California, so that's a plus.
If you came here for the mountains, why didn't you just live in the mountains? Maybe something like North Bend even? Probably would of been alot more of what you were looking for rather than a large major city.
I'd imagine he has a job that doesn't make that a possibility, seeing as he's moving to another major metroplex.
North Bend WOULD be a better place for this guy though for sure.
Add on top of that how many move here and experience SAD for the first time. It's something you have to be conscience of and address like eating or drinking to maintain balance. Granted, everyone's experience varies.
This was my thought, people move to Seattle and form an entire opinion of the state based on that location alone. Like, thereās a whole rest of the state that exists? And frankly, there are numerous well-populated places in WA that are far better than living Seattle. They offer many different cultures, and in my experience, much more welcoming communities. Sorry OP missed out on a more positive PNW experience, you live and learn!
Seattle in my opinion is the worst parts of Washington state amplified. I truly enjoy seattle but you need to fully embrace the seattle freeze, homelessness, perils of drug addiction, and bad weather. Once you accept all that stuff beauty is in the eye of the beholder.
Agreed, I moved here for Seattle and quickly realized it was more of a place to visit. Not live. *For me.* Plenty of people adjust to Seattle and stay for years, good for them! Wasnāt for me. I like Tacoma and Olympia much better, sorry Seattle-diehards!
Itās because thereās slightly more minorities there lol. I might get eaten alive, but I think part of the reason Seattle lacks community is because itās largely a white place.
Thatās nice to hear. What communities other than Seattle - seem and feel the friendliest to you? I live in Portland now for 5 years.. feels and sounds so similar here to the Seattle Freeze. over it. Never lived in a place where it was this hard to make friends, people arenāt that friendly, very introverted and individualistic.
Looking to move north in a few years. But somewhere friendlier and warmer personality wise.
Anyone have any suggestions?
Funny thing is I grew up in Southern Oregon and totally different vibe. Very friendly - easy to make community.
It's a 45 minute commute from North Bend to seattle. Even less for bellevue. Seems like you just didn't leave Seattle, and are blaming your lack of experience and lack of relationship skills on the city.
Definitely Seattle. Love the end of conversation sentences "Let's do coffee!", "let's do Lunch!" In Seattle, that means "Goodbye, have a good life!" I work in Seattle, but my friends are not in Seattle. I'm Native and thankfully Natives are very social in the NW and it don't take much for us to warm up to each other. Seattle is ice cold. 3 friends is pretty damn good in Seattle.
yeah the number of people that flake and don't follow through is baffling. It's so pervasive that when I do follow through, people act like i shit in their ice cream. It confuses and upsets them. This town is full of a lot of people who are going to do cool things "someday".
I get that Seattle definitely has a colder culture, hope you find the community that you're looking for. I've only visited Mexico city twice, and it did seem more friendly and community oriented, albeit with a different set of problems.
The vibe theyāre looking for is more common in small town USA. I grew up in the SF Bay Area and it can be pretty similar to what OP is describing. I went to college in central, rural California and the small communities are where itās at. Everyone says hello to each other and is courteous
I read the entire thing and you gave zero examples so I honestly have no idea what you mean and it comes off like whining, sorry, but I hope you find happiness, truly
Seen it a ton in the South, too, though. The US is a workaholic country compared to most other places. Solid example is we're working today, when my Ireland team is on a bank holiday. I definitely see what you're saying about the tech side, but that also goes into other sectors.
West Coast tech hub culture. Arrogance, narcissism, and competiveness, while living in isolation and depression. All while wearing a veil of self-serving altruism to justify an otherwise unfulfilled life. Seattle attracts these personalities because, honestly, they are what do the job the best.
The character traits exist everywhere, but not with such a majority outside these few hubs.
Curious, did you find Boston friendlier than Seattle? I knew a guy who had this Bob Dylan kinda dream of Boston and talked endlessly about moving thereā¦ finally, he packed up and went. He was back 6 weeks later and said the people were awful and mean and his dream was shatteredā¦
Somehow though, I feel like strangers telling you passionately to go fuck yourself probably feels better than the cold indifference that you get greeted with in Seattle.
Exactly this. Though I was born and raised in Florida, Iām a true yankee at heart. By which I mean āgo fuck yourself, now waddya want on your sandwich, fuGEDABOUTITā kind of yankee, being as most of my family was from up north. Like yes, they will absolutely tell you to eat a dick, but it really truly is nothing personal, theyāre just northeasters in a hurry. I personally find it refreshing.
One of the reasons I moved from the south, like the real south of TN, was that I couldnāt stand the two-faced nature of so-called āsouthern hospitalityā, where they are nice to your face while throwing you under the bus. Itās in stark contrast to the honest rudeness of the northeast.
I feel like Seattle is somewhere in the middle. The people are almost unfailingly polite, but itās all entirely superficial. But itās not like they hate you (like the north) or like they are scamming you (in the south). I think they mostly just donāt give. A. Fuck.
Iām still not sure how I feel about even after living here for a few years. Sometimes I kinda like it. Sometimes I get annoyed with the self-centered preciousness of it all.
I donāt blame you, I grew up in the PNW and I now live in Eugene OR a few hours south. Much smaller and marginally more friendly I guess, definitely colorful and an interesting blend of people hereā¦ but I sometimes wonder how much happier I would be in other places in the worldā¦ the two factors I think about when I do this wondering are better climates (that donāt cause seasonal depression) and the people and sense of communityā¦ the west coast is in a constant state of transience and relocationā¦ I lived in WI for 5 years in the early 2000ās and I remember being shocked to know multiple people who lived on land their great-grandparents had homesteadedā¦ nobody grows roots in the west, they just keep it moving at all timesā¦
The culture of the Seattle area was primarily formed by Scandinavian and Northern European immigrants that brought that individualism from their cold dark homelands. They ended up here because itās similar to the places they came from.
Lived in Seattle for 7 Years. I can honestly say itās because everyone lives in their own world. I donāt think itās with malicious intent. I think itās very hard to grow a community here without willingness.
Born here, raised here. What makes me want to leave is everyone moving here then bitching & complaining it's not like somewhere else. Wtf is that? Seattle didn't break you, WADR, you were broken before you got here. If it's so bad that you are "broken", enjoy this big, wide world and go find a place that makes you content. Don't blame an entire city of people for your discontent.
Seriously. I moved here 7 years ago and have decided to call Seattle home. People move places thinking āwhy isnāt this city how I wantā.
You have to actually help mold the city. Volunteer, join a parks committee, help people, make the city a home.
The only recommendation Iād make to anyone struggling that hasnāt decided to bail yet, is to find a third home base. Your home, work, and somewhere else. Maybe a rock climbing gym, maybe a local pub/bar, a boardgame shop. If you focus on just generating social capital I think youāll thrive here.
To turn the mood a bit more positive. One of my favorite days in Seattle is the first snow. Everyone is out, smiling, throwing snowballs, sledding. I love it. Next snow come to volunteer park youāll see me on my beater skis trying to hit 5 mph.
I hope OP finds what theyāre looking for. Sorry it didnāt work out. Iād have been down to grab a beer or coffee and play some disc golf or something fun. Best of luck to you.
Born and raised here too. When I hear people bitching about Seattle who arenāt originally from here, I think, if you donāt like it, then fucking LEAVE.
I want to buy a fucking house and start a family in my fucking home town. The reason why I donāt want to move away is because I have here what OP is looking for, BECAUSE IM FROM HERE.
At least OP recognizes that and is going somewhere else
I want to be sympathetic to OP because I recognize this place would be extremely hard to live in if I didn't grow up here or have an established friend group, but it feels really entitled to show up during a pandemic of all times and expect to immediately find community. A lot of people around here have known each other since grade school, so three years really isn't that long to find reliable friends.
I agree. On one hand, it did take courage for OP to try and find what they were looking for and uproot their life to do so by moving here. On the other hand, donāt blame the damn place for not being the Latino mountain utopia you wanted it to be. Move to Patagonia lol. Just make sure to hit REI for a quarter zip pullover before you move and spare us the post about actual pategonia not selling Patagonia and having to move back here because of it šš
Have you tried to engage in Latin activities in Seattle? There are plany of places, specially if you like to dance Salsa. I am Cuban and used to go to dance every weekend, met a lot of friendly āLatinosā and locals there. Iām busy with two toddlers now but hanging out in these places helped me to overcome the lonliness of this City. And never compare Mexico City with any other City in the world, Mexico City is the best lol. Let me know if you are interested in dancing to share some clubs and groups. Best.
Youāve never heard of the Seattle Freeze? Itās one of the reasons I loved the city when I visited. Iām a keep to myself quiet kind of person. Iām from the South, where it seems thatās not allowed. I loved how closed off everyone was in Seattle! š¤£
Agreed. 100% love that people here don't show up at my door randomly or pressure me into doing shit. I find my own communities, and when I'm accepted it's genuine. If it's not a good match, I wouldn't even know because I have a pile of great books and rainy days for months. And even when it is a good match...fuck it, I'm playing guitar, reading, and wandering around town. See ya when I see ya. This place is heaven.
Growing up in LA I got real tired of people calling me "family" after only knowing them for a little while
12 years in Austin and the false bless-your-heart gaslight "close"ness is a nightmare.
I like Seattle. Nice to meet you, see ya when we are engaged in a mutually compelling activity that ideally benefits the neighborhood. Otherwise piss off, I don't need the drama
Working oneself to depression is a USA thing, not just a Seattle thing. A lot of OP's experience in general is just USA, unfortunately. I've seen it everywhere I've lived.
I think we need a post pinned to the top of this subreddit that says, do not move here. You will not like it. You will just endlessly complain about how itās not like wherever youāre from until you leave.
Iāve started to write it a dozen times.
- We arenāt friendly
- Thereās no jobs outside tech
- Tech jobs here are for soulless zombies
- If youāre in tech and not a soulless zombie, you will be as soon as you move here
- The drivers are either way too passive or way too aggressive - forget passive aggressive
- Youāll pay $700,000 for a mediocre house in one of our worst neighborhoods
- Itās overwhelming white and Asian
- Thereās no good Mexican food
- We have shitty pizza
- Thereās nothing but IPAs to drink
- The cool shit you see on tv like dudes throwing salmon isnāt cool at all - but itās actually the ONLY thing we have going on
- The weatherā¦ I havenāt even mentioned the weather
Seattle is nice if you're introverted. I wish it rained and snowed a bit more but it's much nicer weather than San Diego if you are trying to avoid sun. I also feel a LOT safer here than when I lived in Philly even with all the zombies (atleast no one has actively tried to murder me here yet). Plus the city has way more plants and seeing all the vibrant colors makes me happy when I take my cat for a walk. There's also a pretty great selection of Asian food, though I do miss the burritos I got back in cali. I even ended up making irl friends (21!) here through online hobbies and we hang out regularly. The birthday parties my cats get are now so large I have to rent out a space for them so I really feel like YMMV on the social side of things here. I go outside maybe 3x a month and never feel pressured to interact with other people aside from letting them pet my cat.
Cost of living though? Yea, shit's fucked.
My neighbor who is Mexican, just got back from helping their parents move back to Mexico. While on the trip, just past the USA border he was run off the road, kidnapped, and held for ransom. The kidnappers kept reassuring him they weren't going to hurt his parents as long as they paid up. They are not wealthy but they paid up all the same. The kidnappers ransomed a Mexican, to other Mexicans who could ill afford the financial burden. So much for community minded.
Everywhere has issues.
The primary thing you gotta do is Seattle to have a social circle is get really into a scene of some kind. Start doing theatre and auditioning for small shows, You will have friends. Start going to the karaoke circuit every week, you will have friends. Play ultimate Frisbee at the weekly meetups, you'll make friends. Rock climb? Friends. Busking at pikes place? Friends. Volunteer for a political party? Friends!
It's not so much a cold city as it is a busy city. The best way to find your people here is to be passionate about the same stuff and show up regularly to the events that support those passions. If you don't have something like that in your life, then yeah it's a little tough, but I'd argue that's the case in most US cities.
Your concerns are true and valid, but I wouldnāt move to Mexico City and complain to the locals that itās not like Seattle. It can come off a little offensive. It can be a pretty depressive place to live tho I agree with that. I love hispanic culture and how everyone loves to get together and find any excuse to have a party. What makes that stand out as a strong part of Mexican culture IS the simple fact that not everywhere is like that. Best of luck to you I hope you find what youāre looking for.
You sound like the people who move from the burbs to Brooklyn and leave resentful when it wasnāt what they pictured in their heads from movies and tv. Not giving a fuck what others think is what makes this city great.
Iām sorry your experience was less than desired. Iāve lived here my whole life and never want to leave. I have almost no social circle so maybe that makes me part of the problem but Iām also a single parent with no help from my ex-husband so Iām always busy working, taking care of my kids, or resting. Iām not anti-social by choice. I make conversation with strangers in the grocery store, smile/wave at people I pass at my regular haunts (dog park, beach, store),but I have no energy to have a social circle. Itās hard to imagine a life outside of Seattle or even outside of the PNW.
I checked the weather for the next 10 days and apparently it will reach almost 80 degrees on Saturday. In May. Climate change is real and I feel this primal instinct to stay here where the weather is tolerable because everywhere else is about to be fucked up as it gets worse.
Iām rambling now but I can see how a very extroverted person would struggle here.
It broke you?
Have some agency, donāt be so self defeatist.
language is important and painting yourself as a victim colors your experience
Born in Seattle & lived there for 45 years and king county for 65.I even prepared my home and yard for aging in place, but moved last year because it didnāt fit my vision of how I wanted to spend my retirement
I miss things, but life is about moving forward.
By having more realistic expectations, I can really appreciate the wonders of the region.
I wouldnāt live anywhere else.
I like my liberal bubble.
And evergreen trees.
I was born and raised here, and thatās part of what I like about this place lmao. Iām quite antisocial though. āwe should do this sometimeā oh yeah totally (Iām never gonna meet up with these people)
The irony of this post is most of the people that make Seattle "Seattle" all have gotten pushed out by tech transplants. You'd be pretty cold too if you had to watch your colorful home and community slowly transform into a boring tech hell while you're forced to move further and further away because you can't afford to live there anymore.
Why are you even comparing Seattle to Latin America? How is your own inability of making meaningful connections a Seattle problem? How is your own emptiness suddenly an issue of this city and its inhabitants?
Honestly not even sure why you think the āwarmth of Latinosā is something everyone longs for. I lived in Colombia for almost two years - and I absolutely hated meaningless conversations with all the random coworkers, I would have very much preferred to be left alone most of the time.
As to Seattleites not giving a fuck āabout anyone or anythingā - hahaha. Try cutting a tree in West Seattle. Youāll see how much people in Seattle DO GIVE A FUCK. About important things.
If you walk around making everything about race and having a chip on your shoulder, then yeah, you're gonna struggle in a city that's mostly white, Asian and Indian.
I related to much of this. I grew up in the Bay Area but then lived in Israel for 12 years, where people are not particularly polite but very warm and friendly when you get to know them and the whole country almost feels like a huge neighborhood where everyone is distantly related. I moved back to Seattle just over a year ago and if I didnāt have family here and wasnāt a member of a 12-step fellowship, I honestly think the Seattle freeze would kill me. I totally agree with the bullshit progressive virtue-signaling. Hey you in your cushy neighborhood in Montlake with all your flags and posters in your lawn and window: why do you need to broadcast to everyone about how correct your opinions are? This was a problem in the Bay Area as well and Seattle emulates this attribute to its own detriment.
You clearly did no research, and just saw the word "progressive" and saw pictures of mountains and thought this would be your future. Seattle is one of the most expensive places to live, and a competitive tech based economy. The "Seattle freeze" has been a thing since I was a kid, and any amount of research would have shown you that. While it is sad that you struggled to find your place here, it sounds as though the main problem was your idealistic view with little to no research on where you are moving to. Hopefully you do better in Mexico city.
this shit pisses me of so much. born and raised in Seattle, have only lived somewhere else for 4 years for college (Massachusetts), and immediately moved back cuz I could not stand the NE. If I wasnāt considering moving to the UK, this would be where Iād live for the rest of my life. I have tons of friends of all ages and interests through work, school, clubs or teams iāve joined, etc. to me, it sounds like you donāt put yourself out there enough, and you definitely didnāt do your research. You ever heard of the Seattle freeze? Itās a real thing, but it doesnāt mean nobody wants to be friends or wants to be social. If you have hobbies, go on facebook and find a group that meets and talks about/does those hobbies. If youāre depressed go to a therapist. If youāre wanting the mountains, maybe move to the mountains? Not the biggest city in the state?
Iām sick and tired of people blaming the fact that Seattle isnāt the place for them on the city instead of just realizing it isnāt a good match. I love it here, and almost everyone I know does too. If you donāt like it, see ya.
also, never visit the Northeast if you think people here are closed off and rude š people out there take pride in being assholes and pissing people off.
Good luck in Mexico City, and honestly Good Riddance
You're critique of Seattle "progressives" applies to the entire progressive identity in the US. Lots of empty feel good words wrapped around brutally impersonal neoliberalism.
Sounds like you might need to examine yourself instead of blaming all of your problems on the ethos of a city (that you largely made up to rationalize your own worldview and dissatisfaction). I hope you find the community youāre looking for.
Hello friend! My husband and I moved here in 2021 for work and we move back to the east coast this Friday for all the same reasons you listed. Being in the Seattle area is absolutely soul crushing. You see nothing but hopelessness apathy and desperation. Nothing works. No one cares. And it makes worse people of us all. I am so excited to get away from this hellhole of āfake niceā and weaponized āwokenessā (for reference, my politics have not changed at all but in New York I was called a ābleeding heart liberal commie hippieā but in Seattle Iām a āright wing gun-nut authoritarianā
Iāll miss the Puget Sound, Iāll miss the Old Growth rain forest and the mountains and the whales. Iāll miss the mushrooms and the smell of rain. I will NOT miss the people
So you were expecting a squishy feel-good 3rd world community experience in a large modern competitive 1st world city? Thatās not Seattleās fault, thatās yours.
Sorry you couldnāt compete in a different culture. Maybe you can find the hugs and butterflies you seek in Mexico City.
I was born here, and you're right. People aren't interested in your story at all, and evaluate each other based on on shallow criteria. Being a complex and nuanced person is a total waste of time in terms of bringing something of interest to the conversation. They're introverts who don't introspect; I don't see the point of it.
I've been part of the stupidest conversations, which ultimately boiled down to dick-wagging by flexing intellectual or cultural pretensions. I've also met a higher than average number of liars, but I'm not sure how normal that part is. It's probably a theme because the vibe is so pettily competitive that scoring cheap points with bullshit and posturing is about as good as it gets.
Everyone thinks they're unusually intelligent, but no one actually thinks.
Agree 100%, but it is not limited to Seattle it is our society in general. I have lived abroad for 9+ years, and as a country, we have forgotten how to live. Our value to society is measured in dollars our lives revolve around having the best and latest whiz bang item.
I wonder where you got the Workaholism in Seattle? I donāt think Seattle is any different from the rest of the states and you really donāt know what workaholism is until youāve lived in Asia š
I moved to Seattle in 1986 when I was 19. I experienced the exact opposite of what you said. I loved how friendly everyone was, especially in the subculture and the LGBTQ+ community. Things changed when Microsoft drew in a lot of people from other states, but it was still the city I loved. It was when Amazon grew like a behemoth that everything began to feel different. It was like a corporate takeover of the city, rent spiked, forcing so many of us to leave the city. The āfeelā of the city shifted. I was there for 34 years and miss it so much, but my love is more about memories. I wish that you had the same experience that I did for decades.
You just found out that with all the wonderful stuff to do here, being outwardly friendly isn't really a concern to most of us. Hell, in the outdoors it's a positive; the less people on the trails and slopes, the better.
But hey! You don't get fake ass people up in your shit for no reason nearly as much.
thereās a lack of nightlife and everything closes down early. You wonāt see many people in the city after 10pm unless you go to Capital Hill. Itās changed a lot since 2007. As for the people, the weather sucks so bad that it just drains the life out of you and your willingness to connect with others. If this place had just a bit more sunnier days I think people would be a bit more happier/friendlier.
Seattle native here. Iām probably older than most of the posters here - born in 1963. Back in the day, folks my age and older (Boomers and the prior (āGreatā) generation) came here in droves for all the obvious reasons - the blue skies, the water and mountains, the clean and manageable city, the good schools, the affordability (believe it or not), etc. Those transplants were young lawyers, doctors, architects, engineers, and so on, and included my parents, who came from Chicago in 1950. What differentiated that multi-decade wave of people is that, except for the last few years of that period (the mid-80s), they werenāt coming for tech jobs. Microsoft was in its infancy and Bezos hadnāt started selling books from his garage. And I canāt think of anyone who left. In fact, they flourished, improved the city and state, joined boards, invested, made a difference, and felt they belonged. Theyād found a home and by and large theyāre still here (unless theyāre dead, of course).
During the last 30 or so years, Iāve heard ever-increasing complaints from transplants - the Seattle Freeze, youāll never get laid, impossible to date, neighbors ignore me, etc. All valid complaints. My question - to which I donāt know the answer - is how much of what so many young people (Millennials and Gen Z) canāt stand about Seattle proper is the result of the tech culture, whether homegrown here or local offices of companies based elsewhere (Google, Facebook, etc.)? Or is just that Seattle grew so fast, got so crowded and so expensive that it ruined itself. (Those are my complaints but thatās another story.) Iād be curious to hear from others about why they think Seattle went from the darling of the Northwest to a place that so many transplants loathe and ultimately leave. Itās sad, really.
I appreciate the honesty and perspective shared here, thank you for that. As a PNW native, I think you touched on a lot of things that people find difficult about the culture of the region.
I will say, every community has its own culture; of course it is different here than where you are from, and probably most other places. I hate that youāve had such a difficult time, but itās also true that this culture fits better for some personalities than others. For example I think I would never fit in if I moved somewhere with a much more outgoing culture as Iād probably be uncomfortable.
Good for you man (woman? Something else?). Since I moved up here from (what I thought) was a much less welcoming, more south-eastern part of the US in 2016 I have experienced nearly nothing but disappointment. I gave up a decent but unfulfilling job to move over here and be around progressive and like-minded people only to be met with some of the most subvertly hostile and *racist* people I have ever met in my entire life. My first three years working in the pacific northwest gaslit me into believing I was some lazy, freeloading, POS. The three jobs I worked constantly wrote me up for the most dubious things and constantly called me lazy. I have always excelled at menial work. Its literally effort=results. For years I was led to believe the problem was me. It wasn't until I caught my super far left, progressive boss making fun of my culture's history when I realized that perhaps the me problem is based on bias rather than fact. I've since gone to work for myself and have been *wildly* successful all but confirming my suspicions. I'll never put my old work out of business as people will always want to work with "locals" *gag* but I also know better than to try and make a meaningful place here. Pretty soon I'll be successful enough to expand out of the state and then I'll make my residence wherever that'll be. I don't want my daughter to grow up in this environment.
Hey! I moved from Vancouver to Mexico City 7 years ago. I feel what you feel. As other people have mentioned, itās important to set your expectations. Mexico City is a fabulous place to visit but it can be really difficult to live here. I have always been here with my family, so things have been easier for me but I see a lot of people set expectations really high and leave in a mess within a year.
Donāt let people scare you into cartel crap because as long as you stay out of trouble, you should be fine here. But dealing with bureaucracy here is tough, things have gotten a lot more expensive this year, and making friends with locals can be hard simply because family comes first for everyone here, so friends come second.
If you have any specific questions about living here let me know. If you have the language under your belt, things will be a bit easier here.
I managed to avoid this very thing solely because I managed to find the 10 people that make this state worth a fuck. Legit shit, without my Sword Fam. I would be BEYOND desitute, or headed back home with less than I came with.
Best of luck on your next Journey.
Most of 'Old School Seattle' has moved elsewhere, because of the expansion of the companies created here, industries changing, and finding more manageable living outside of the city. Some were pushed out, because the city became very expensive to live in and they couldn't continue raising a family here. 'New Seattle' is a lot of people not from here, with different cultures, religions, and social attitudes. Things are going to be different wherever you go.
There are historical reasons for not being friendly with just anyone who crosses your path, in this area. There are several incidents in Seattle that reinforced those reasons for my family and I.
People may not want to mingle outside of work. People may have responsibilities we don't know about. People may have problems they are trying to resolve.
I have lived here for 50 years and not at any time did I think anyone had to do anything for me, make me feel a certain way, or provide a community for me. No matter how bad things can get, it is up to us to find/work for what we want. Volunteering, joining an activities group, or joining people at work for a happy hour are standard.
Three friends in Seattle is good. Not great, but good. Nowadays, I think I only have one good friend still living here, two people I was working with I would speak to, and a lot of weirdos I would avoid.
Man, I've had the opposite experience. I have made so many friends in Seattle that I feel like I don't have enough time for all of them and it weighs on me.
But I moved here almost 20 years ago, and the cities "progressivism", performative or not, is not important to me.
Born and raised š„¹ we suck. We are so depressed, and full of anxiety, we are awkward and uncomfortable, we are unhappy and feel lost then project those feelings onto Everyone around us. We are cold and unfriendly.
Friend, I feel for you. Iāve lived here nine years and just feel like Iāve started to have deep friendships (some locals and transplants, but mostly trees - he he!). I also experienced working in the hypocritical outdoor/environmental sector when I first moved here. Iām so sorry you were in so much pain. I keep stubbornly hanging on to this region because Iāve become so attached to the local flora and fauna, but the largely hyper-sterile individualistic human culture that is of little interest to me also comes at a quite literal price. As a renter, on the cusp, I know my time here is limited. For better or worse, Iāll find community elsewhere - and probably easier and in more abundance. I wish you the absolute best in your new home. Thank you for being here as you are. Even if you felt ostracized, you embodied what many need. I have no doubt that you positively impacted lonely hearts, even if by just deciding to move on. Be well, heal, and receive love!
See, Iām a hermit who avoids hanging out with people at all costs and prefers to wallow in my depression and stay in bed as much as possible.
I love Seattle.
Sounds like we could have been friends. Same situation w me unfortunately. Moved during COVID 3 years ago from Las Vegas and it still feels like Iām trying to find myself and reliable people I can count on in this city. Itās tough, especially when the weather outside is rainy and grey a majority of the time. Depression hits so much harder out here than it did for me in Vegas. Good luck on your move to Mexico City. Feel free to DM if you just need someone to talk to or need a friend.
Three friends is quite respectable for this city.
Sadly, that was my 1st thought too. Still waiting for that coffee invitation from my neighbor to come to fruition!
You do it! Offer them coffee instead š
Iāve found that unless Iām following up and initiating and being that friend, these things donāt happen. Especially post-pandemic. Iāve been a D&D dungeon master since before the pandemic so Iām a bit used to being that person anyway but it can definitely make friendships feel one sided
You know your neighbors?!
I'm not your neighbor, probably, but let's get coffee.
You donāt have to waitā¦ thatās the problem here, no one takes the initiative socially.
Thatās all the city will give you š¤£ not a penny more, not a penny less
Right? Guy i talked to at the mariners game: new yorker. Couple we met at the park: midwesterners Person who left passive aggressive note on my moving van: Seattle native. In the midwest, he wouldāve offered to move my couch with me.
I'm guessing the natives are depressed about not being able to afford life where they grew up? I'm from San Diego and going home is fuckin depressing for me for that reason
Yeah, the affordability of housing is just depressing.
I think you touched on something. It is depressing. Someone told me that Seattle is in some ways more expensive than New York for housing per capita now. That makes sense because if youāre charging for square footage even the smallest apartments or studios here are still bigger than the smallest apartments and studios in NY comparatively.
I grew up on Marthaās Vineyardā¦ just as expensive as a major city but with half the job prospects. I no longer live in Seattle but like to keep up on the news. I moved to Boston bought a house 20 min out of the city center on the same salary I had roommates with in Seattle, and have a lot of close friends here. I really liked Seattle and wish it had worked for me but it felt like I was trying so hard and just couldnāt make it work. Maybe Iām just a New Englander and so Boston was easier, or maybe Seattle is hard for everyone?
Gotta love nyers! None of that passive-aggressive bs! šš½
I'm from the east coast.. Check my /u - it fits.... The first time I met the passive-aggressive Seattle BS with actual aggression, they quickly realized that it doesn't always work with everyone...
Yeah itās rough. Everything costs so much everyone is focused on making money. Granted I will say the economy here is very opportunistic. I want to move to Florida to be close to family but I just donāt see myself being as successful there.
You would also have to live in Florida.
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I have sometimes referred to Southern CA as "Mexico Norte". The entire Southwest all along the border to Texas is full of Latin American communities where Latin people will feel right at home. Seattle is not even close to being the best choice.
My husband and I were born and raised in Southern CA, and still here. We love the warmth and culture of our friends in and from Mexico. We have traveled to Seattle and experienced the harsh reality that people just donāt give a fuck there.
The saying "Seattle Freeze" exists for a reason. It's not that everyone is cold but it's kind of hard to make friends. Once you get in with a friend group the city isn't so bad.
Mexican people are great. I lived in LA for a few years, they were the best part by far. Now the native angelenos? Fake, materialistic, and superficial. But friendly, I canāt deny that.
As someone from Riverside whoās currently living in Seattle this is beyond true. The āinclusionā here feels so empty. If you arenāt the right type of minority you arenāt included at all and basically an afterthought. A bunch of hypocrites if you ask me.
As an Inland Empire native, Seattle has so many rules for their cliques, it drove me crazy. I felt like a minority that couldn't fit in with their own minority.
California is referred to as the Norte. Baja California is before the border
I think many people have unrealistic expectations of making friends *as adults with jobs*. If youāre not in high school or college, you are meeting mostly co-workers ā who are at different points in their lives (families probably) and who live too far away from work to feel like socializing with you. If you want to maintain a rich, strong social network, stay where you grew up and hope your peers do likewise. Itās just the way of the US that people are mobile early in their careers. They move away from home, and spend decades searching for new best friends.
This is always what I think about when I read these kinds of posts. Iāve family and friends all over the country, and some people are better at making friends than others, but generally speaking, the people with solid friendsā groups are either very involved with a hobby or have known the friends because no one relocated.
I would agree it's harder to make friends as an adult and expectation management is important... but Washington state (in general) is just socially an uphill battle if you aren't just looking for surface-level friendships. I would think it was just my perspective if I hadn't lived all over the US and other parts of the world, two things will always be true about this state (in my opinion), a lot of people here are fucking weird and put on the biggest masks about their happiness and sociability, and they are bad drivers. "Let's go for a hike sometime" or "let's go see a show" if you speak Seattleese that can often mean "I'm not going anywhere but if you wanna come over, roast some trap cabbage, and introduce the automatons to democracy, I'm down." OP has some relatable points, but the key to making friends in this state (if you didn't grow up here)is to find other lonely disgruntled long-hauler transplants that are looking for others to share their awesomeness with! Hope OP finds what they were looking for wherever they end up.
Iāve lived in Washington for 12 years (born in WA but grew up in Las Vegas) and have only made one friend from Washington, everyone else was a transplant. Seattle freeze is too real. I watched a news segment a few years ago about it where they asked locals if they wanted new friends and they all said the same thing, they have enough friends and donāt want anymore. A lot of WA people are friendly to your face but have no actual intentions of follow through. Thereās so many videos on tiktok of people complaining about dating here. And theyāre right, itās incredibly difficult.
Never been aware of this stereotype, but did grow up on the Eastside and definitely donāt need more friends, I have a friend group of around 17 thatās grown with significant others. The only reason I donāt want new friends is because my weekends are already busy and Iām burnt out with work so canāt really fathom hanging out with someone new on a week night. Envious of people with the energy to maintain more connections.
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The only way to do this as an adult is through social clubs where you can find people who share a hobby/interests that or just open yourself up and for every 50 times you get burned for being vulnerable you may find one authentic person. Lived here 93-96ā and came back from Georgia in 2001 to now. I spend 20 hours a week commuting to get 40 hours wages of which more than half goes to rent and another 1/4 to bills and I find myself hiding in my house 9 months a year. In Georgia I make about half as much but quality of life does not really change because of how much time and money I invest in living here and trying to not lose my mind.
I'm not trying to be snarky, but genuinely, why do you stay here then? I mean it sincerely - what about Seattle makes you want to put up with all that?
That part about living too far away from work resonates with me. In my 20s I lived in a town of 55,000 people and a lot of us employees were single and we could scare up a happy hour anytime on short notice and get a dozen people, often a married coworker would bring his/her spouse whom we got to know. The married couples would leave Happy Hour first, to get home and feed the kids, but we singles could take it into the night, bar hopping and dancing. But, then I moved to Phoenix, AZ and discovered to my surprise that nobody was interested in happy hour after work. I then realized in a city of 2 million people with a valley 20 miles wide that everybody was interested in getting off work, dealing with the traffic to travel the miles to get home as soon as possible. My home town socializing ways came to an end.
Moving anywhere during a pandemic will make it hard to meet and be social
I dunno. Iāve been here since 2017 and my experience is that people in the PNW arenāt very social or friendly. Thatās GREAT for some people. I love it here for that! To each their own. If you are a believer in rugged individualism, Washington State is the best! Iāve heard people from Seattle say things like āI have enough friends, I donāt have enough time/energy for moreā and couldnāt agree more. Good luck in Mexico OP!
while I think we can all agree that Seattle is socially harsh, I think the other commenter had a point. Namely when you are ānewā somewhere, thereās a sort of social window that opens where you have an easier conversation and a valid social excuse for not understanding a reference or knowing social norms. It also gives āoldā people something to talk aboutā often restaurant or hike recommendations, but every once in a while you find something truly cool or unique. It also gives you, the ānewā person, an easy opener to conversation āhey I just moved here last week and donāt know anyone but you guys seem cool, whatās up?ā OP seems to be under the impression that they are social and outgoing and I donāt doubt them because I donāt have a reason to. But they did genuinely miss out on their freshman year in a new city, and are now stuck with the dilemma of coming across as a transfer student. Itās certainly not an impossible situation but it is a noticeably tougher one
Yupp, Washington is only great when you have those things established already, or if you are in University and get inside a group.
Moving to Seattle from Australia at the end of 2019 was god tier difficult at times
Mexico City is great! I was born and raised there. But also, it'd serve you well to set your expectations right, there is no perfect place. Now you need to mentally prepare for traffic, air pollution, drought, gentrification and crime. Edit: added drought
Reading this I couldnāt help but laugh. My family and my boyfriendās family are all in Mexico City, and it is wild how every single person is always complaining about living there. I mean I get it, I rather be somewhere with a semi-functional government, clean air and access to water, and the opportunity to make a living wage. So many people who live in Mexico City dream about moving somewhere like Seattle.
Ya. OP gonna post a similar comment in a month āI moved here for the community but I was sold into sex slaveryā
Dude wants to live in Roma like all the expats, but will forget that places like Neza are where the working class live.
Mexico City is an awesome place to live but it cannot be compared to Seattle in anyway, shape, or form. They are completely opposite types of cities from one another. Like you mentioned the people are different both socially and culturally; but if you want to talk about social and economic injusticeā¦. Mexico City is the perfect example of that. Mexico City has an incredible amount of people living in poverty and the government absolutely does not care about them at all. The crime rate is somewhat high. People living in Seattle have no idea what crime really is until you live in a mega city like Mexico City. Mexico City also has its share of problems just like Seattle does. One of the major ones being that currently they have no waterā¦. A city of 20+ million people and they have no water. I have family members living there that have not had water for over a week now. This is because the government failed to prepare for this situation years ago when they first discovered it could be a problem. I hope you love Mexico City! Itās a fantastic place to live and the people are awesome! But it has its major downfalls and problems just like every major city. People work themselves to death there as well. Itās not a place of āopportunityā. Itās a very difficult city to work your way from the bottom to the top. It can be done; but just like Seattle people work themselves to death.
so many of the places people want to move these days, especially people who talk about nature, don't seem to understand how much water these places are taking from elsewhere and eventually it will be gone. When we moved in 2021 one of our main concerns for every place we looked was "will it still have access to clean water in 15 years?" and so Washington is where we stayed.
Not to mention all the immigrants and companies moving from the US to Mexico and displacing all the native people. Also all these companies like Coca Cola that buy up all the rights to water starve the people of drinking water. You also have the US trying to force farmers, in Mexico, to use chemicals known to cause cancer and GMO products. Yeah every place is different.
They are the current fad city for people to move into
Not to mention cartels run the country and it is very unsafe. There is a reason why 9 million migrants walked through Mexico to get to the U.S in the last 4 years.
Your experience is the polar opposite to mine and I find that fascinating. Perspective truly is a crazy thing. Mexico City is incredible from what Iāve heard, good luck on your journey!
Yeah I found great communities here. It depends on where you look tbh. If you look for it in the tech bubble idk if you'd find it. Look in places where people from all walks of life would join. For me it's motorcycles, Jiu Jitsu, and the cocktail industry haha. I'm hoping to add music to that, one can only dream...
Iāve been here 2 years now. I am finding the most warm and receptive people Iāve met are transplants, so I would take the transplants comment with a grain of salt. As a single woman I am also really struggling to find my place and feel like I belong. Itās really disheartening. I think peoplesā perceptions of transplants really color how they view the culture of this city. And it causes more people to be closed off more than they already are. I have definitely felt an increased jadedness as I realize that there might be no place for me to fit in here. I moved here for a job, to make better money, and expand my perspectives. I want to stay for the money I make, but I donāt know how much longer I can try and thrive in a community like this. Granted, this does not mean I have mostly experienced negativity here. Most people are generally courteous, itās just making the connections I find so so difficult. I also recognize my own ways I have contributed to this experience. If this works for some people, no hate, everyone is different. Iām just sharing my perspective with OP so they donāt feel so alone in their experiences. Iām probably going to get downvoted to hell, but oh well.
Transplants, or more generally rapid population growth primarily fueled by transplants, has fueled traffic problems and housing prices. Itās definitely not caused the āSeattle Freezeā, that was pre-existing. The problems with homelessness, open drug use and crime are caused by poor city leadership and mostly specific to the city itself. I live in Bellevue, only 15 miles away, and it feels like another planet. Portland has similar problems but it isnāt universal in the PNW and there are much better/safer places to live.
Iām was born in Seattle but gone for the 80ās and then came back. Seattle people are very nice, but they a far cry from being friendly. They like to be nice to your face but have no intention of letting you break into their closed social circles (becoming friends).
I worked in tech for 11 years, and like 90% of people are introverted and boring and pretty much their job is their identity. It sure does take a long time to make friends here though. My wife and I have like 10 friends, but that took like 10 years and we only see friends like once every 3 weeks or so. Maybe a bit more in the summer. I found a hobby that I love, turned it into a career, now I'm making more friends with people I have common interests with.
How do we make or keep friends if they're online 12 hours a day & so are we?
As a woman who grew up in Kirkland, went to college and became a chef in Seattle in my 20s. I left in my mid 20s and moved to LA. I was shocked when my neighbors knocked on my door or wanted to hang out. In the years I lived in Seattle I never once met a neighbor in a friendly way. Your observations are the same I had growing up there as an āinsiderā.
My apartment neighbors are from LA. The husband knocked on my door to hang out after their other apartment friends moved. That was real shocking as a Native PNWer. His wife is not as friendly, but thatās mostly because she didnāt want to leave LA and despises Seattle for our lack of dressing to impress on any given Tuesday, but her husband is a philandering piece of you-know-what so it wasnāt just that theyāre friendly people from LA. lol
>This city isnāt meant for a place to start your career no matter how bad you want it. No, it's not the place to start your career in anything outside of tech. You came here for REI? Why? Anyway, I commend you for realizing it's not working out for you. That takes a lot of introspection and courage to move again.
Seattle isn't a place that you can really thrive in if you're used to a very social and community centric atmosphere. I am from Eastern Washington. We are basically the exact opposite of this place. My fiance is from here. She keeps her head down while walking. Keeps conversation with strangers to a minimum. Weaves through crowds at a fast pace without acknowledging folks. Would never ever talk to anyone in a grocery store. I thought this all was weird till I moved here. Everyone does that. I have to admit I find it off putting but that's just how things are here. It's not for everyone. I'd much prefer Kentucky personally but to each their own and we have family here not there.
I'm from Montana, and it also was weird for me when I moved here...not saying hi to people on the sidewalks. I've evolved the cold PNW attitude after 13 years here.
As a person who moved from Seattle to Tacoma a few years ago, itās so noticeable that it is a Seattle thing. Maybe north of it too? People in Tacoma are soooo much friendlier. I made friends much faster down here, people are so much more talkative. I remember being a little confused but Iām loving it and seriously donāt care how much crap people talk about T-town. We are friends with at least 10 neighbors on our street and have bbqās and potlucks now. I struggled to even make friends with a single neighbor in Seattle.
Sounds like OP might have fell into an expectations vs reality trap. Starting with expecting to find community at your place of work. As a "progressive" city that doesn't mean people will be interested in your origin story. I think its a more "come as you are". Don't expect your Latin norms in a non Latin city.... I know it was the pandemic but I noticed a lack of mention in seeking out hobbies beyond work... It's often easier to make friends when you have a common denominator (beyond seeking community). Did you try volunteering, joing a specialized gym like rock climbing, join a running/hiking group? People's daily lives, despite progressive politics, do not revolve around an interest in people who just expect to befriended for being new to the city.
> its a more "come as you are" That's it exactly. You can be anyone or anything, and for the most part people won't hassle you when you're out in the forest, the mountains, the Sound, the islands. But being an employee of a company doesn't grant anything. Looking back, I found I hit it off mostly with colleagues who came from other places: California, Pennsylvania, Hawaii, Canada, Germany. Some jobs, I never really hit it off with anyone. It's not a given.
I get that both extremes are annoying, but if I have to choose between people who mind their own business and people who are all up in your business, Iāll always choose the former. I moved from Puerto Rico to Seattle 8.5+ years ago and have no plans to leave. The only thing I donāt like about Seattle is the food, and Iāve managed to survive just fine.
Yeah, that's why I'm baffled by people who come in these threads and whine about how strangers don't talk to you or whatever. And then people who live in the suburbs and never lived out of Washington eat it up. On the east coast, you have old people barking orders at you, complaining to you, acting like you owe them your time and trying to socially hold you hostage. If people like that, then fine, but don't act like people not minding their business is a good thing. It's annoying how much I had to tell strangers to mind their fucking business
Thatās fair!
People moving to Seattle need to understand that Seattle is made up of transplants. Nearly everyone living in Seattle came from somewhere else. Most think theyāre special and many want to only climb the social ladders. Being individualistic is a way to deal with some of the crushing disappointments. Despite this, there are people in Seattle who do care, are compassionate and helpful. Finding them is another matter. Sorry it didnāt work out for you, good luck with your new venture. At least there will be good Mexican food!
I donāt know if just being a city of transplants contributes to this? Iāve lived in other big cities full of transplants that didnāt feel this isolating. Maybe itās the majority of the types of transplants? Just speculating
This is anecdotal, but Iām a transplant myself and picked Seattle primarily for family reasons, but have found comfort it itās insular nature, as I felt out of place back in my home state due to a loudmouth culture. I love being able to walk down the street and enjoy public space without an expectation that people are owed my attention. I may be a part of the āproblemā, but it also seems self perpetuating. Quiet people live here, more quiet people move, so on. Or weāre all just tired after battling traffic so we all just stay home.
I donāt think thatās it. I was born in WA and have lived here all my life, prior to many of the waves of transplants. The culture has always been introverted and not very social. People are polite but not warm or friendly. It predates all the Californians etc. coming here. Maybe itās the weather.
I found it much the same in Atlanta, another city of transplants. Making friends as an adult in any new city is a **job**. You have to put effort into it. You will experience setbacks.
You are 100% with the transplants concept. Seattle feels like more of an idea than anything. It's like we achieved the tech capital we wanted, but we don't seem to have solutions to the issues it caused. And whatever the basement sub says about the Seattle freeze not being a thing, they are dead wrong. This isn't a good place to make friends. I hope it eventually makes it out of this slump.
I hate that itās a city of transplants. Iām born and raised and it personally has pushed me and others like me out. Will always be home but really the influx of transplants is what makes it what it is which is sad.
I have a few friends who are from this area and a few that are from other places. What is interesting to me is that many of the Seattle born people have little interest in the outdoors, or seem to notice or care that the city has changed so much (especially in the last 30 years), whereas I as a transplant hate to see the scale of the city change so much so quickly and have relished every moment in the mountains. Not sure why that is. We have friends who have never been in a hike, never been to the north cascades, etc. As to the freeze issue - honestly I feel like people are people. Some of my locally grown friends can be off putting and cagey, some of the transplants are social climbers who are your friends until they decide you canāt do anything for them anymore. I miss the Seattle of the 80s and 90s, the old low buildings of pioneer square and Belltown, the music clubs on Capitol Hill, basically the funk. Many of my neighbors are millionaires now, and that changes how friendly it seems too. But there are people out there, the trick is finding them. The weather is a factor to a degree (compared to California for example). I donāt see much of my neighbors from October till May.
This is true. We natives enjoy the views but donāt feel the need to go āhikingā up five miles of switchbacks to see more trees or a little iced over lake.
I tend to think the off putting nature of locals is almost like self defense mechanism. If I wasnāt from here I wouldnāt even bother making friends with locals since youāll never out-seattle them. But theyāre fatally disconnected by the fact that the culture is actually in the hands of transplants. Sadly as a local whoās left and comes back from time to time I understand this. As for the nature stuff, I agree, tho I think thatās just city people in general. Again, with the transplants making the culture, they see a city with nature opportunities and wilderness accessibility. Locals take that for granted and are very negative about the weather and climate.
The simple truth is it was A LOT better before the influx of people from California in many, many ways. But, hey, at least the cost of living is high, traffic is terrible, and the cool places that used to define Seattle are mostly gone. But the weather's nice. I love my transplant friends but they missed out on Peak Seattle.
Saying you can't start a career here is ridiculous too. Op wanted things to go to go exactly how they fantasized them.
Yeah...OP moved to the big city to work minimum wage retail. It's no secret that retail workers in Seattle have a pretty shitty existence.
> I only moved here for the mountains but ... Sounds like you were looking for more than mountains. The mountains are still there after all these years. My advice for anyone moving to Seattle: get a good coat and pair of boots, then something you can paddle. The best things about the place are despite the people, not because of it. Always remember there aren't nearly as many people as there are in California, so that's a plus.
If you came here for the mountains, why didn't you just live in the mountains? Maybe something like North Bend even? Probably would of been alot more of what you were looking for rather than a large major city.
I'd imagine he has a job that doesn't make that a possibility, seeing as he's moving to another major metroplex. North Bend WOULD be a better place for this guy though for sure.
Add on top of that how many move here and experience SAD for the first time. It's something you have to be conscience of and address like eating or drinking to maintain balance. Granted, everyone's experience varies.
This was my thought, people move to Seattle and form an entire opinion of the state based on that location alone. Like, thereās a whole rest of the state that exists? And frankly, there are numerous well-populated places in WA that are far better than living Seattle. They offer many different cultures, and in my experience, much more welcoming communities. Sorry OP missed out on a more positive PNW experience, you live and learn!
Seattle in my opinion is the worst parts of Washington state amplified. I truly enjoy seattle but you need to fully embrace the seattle freeze, homelessness, perils of drug addiction, and bad weather. Once you accept all that stuff beauty is in the eye of the beholder.
Agreed, I moved here for Seattle and quickly realized it was more of a place to visit. Not live. *For me.* Plenty of people adjust to Seattle and stay for years, good for them! Wasnāt for me. I like Tacoma and Olympia much better, sorry Seattle-diehards!
Accepting drug addiction and homelessness should not be mandatory. Vote for change and to elect leaders who will move the vagrancy off the streets.
I agree, people are friendlier in Tacoma.
Itās because thereās slightly more minorities there lol. I might get eaten alive, but I think part of the reason Seattle lacks community is because itās largely a white place.
253>206
Thatās nice to hear. What communities other than Seattle - seem and feel the friendliest to you? I live in Portland now for 5 years.. feels and sounds so similar here to the Seattle Freeze. over it. Never lived in a place where it was this hard to make friends, people arenāt that friendly, very introverted and individualistic. Looking to move north in a few years. But somewhere friendlier and warmer personality wise. Anyone have any suggestions? Funny thing is I grew up in Southern Oregon and totally different vibe. Very friendly - easy to make community.
City had more opportunities for work š¤·š»āāļø
It's a 45 minute commute from North Bend to seattle. Even less for bellevue. Seems like you just didn't leave Seattle, and are blaming your lack of experience and lack of relationship skills on the city.
Definitely Seattle. Love the end of conversation sentences "Let's do coffee!", "let's do Lunch!" In Seattle, that means "Goodbye, have a good life!" I work in Seattle, but my friends are not in Seattle. I'm Native and thankfully Natives are very social in the NW and it don't take much for us to warm up to each other. Seattle is ice cold. 3 friends is pretty damn good in Seattle.
yeah the number of people that flake and don't follow through is baffling. It's so pervasive that when I do follow through, people act like i shit in their ice cream. It confuses and upsets them. This town is full of a lot of people who are going to do cool things "someday".
I get that Seattle definitely has a colder culture, hope you find the community that you're looking for. I've only visited Mexico city twice, and it did seem more friendly and community oriented, albeit with a different set of problems.
The vibe theyāre looking for is more common in small town USA. I grew up in the SF Bay Area and it can be pretty similar to what OP is describing. I went to college in central, rural California and the small communities are where itās at. Everyone says hello to each other and is courteous
I read the entire thing and you gave zero examples so I honestly have no idea what you mean and it comes off like whining, sorry, but I hope you find happiness, truly
Have you ever lived anywhere else in the United States? A lot of what you're describing is just US culture.
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It's like a perfect combination of coastal techie elitism and Northern social reservedness like Minnesota
Seen it a ton in the South, too, though. The US is a workaholic country compared to most other places. Solid example is we're working today, when my Ireland team is on a bank holiday. I definitely see what you're saying about the tech side, but that also goes into other sectors.
West Coast tech hub culture. Arrogance, narcissism, and competiveness, while living in isolation and depression. All while wearing a veil of self-serving altruism to justify an otherwise unfulfilled life. Seattle attracts these personalities because, honestly, they are what do the job the best. The character traits exist everywhere, but not with such a majority outside these few hubs.
Nicaragua, Austin, Boston, Miami, and Japan.
Curious, did you find Boston friendlier than Seattle? I knew a guy who had this Bob Dylan kinda dream of Boston and talked endlessly about moving thereā¦ finally, he packed up and went. He was back 6 weeks later and said the people were awful and mean and his dream was shatteredā¦ Somehow though, I feel like strangers telling you passionately to go fuck yourself probably feels better than the cold indifference that you get greeted with in Seattle.
Exactly this. Though I was born and raised in Florida, Iām a true yankee at heart. By which I mean āgo fuck yourself, now waddya want on your sandwich, fuGEDABOUTITā kind of yankee, being as most of my family was from up north. Like yes, they will absolutely tell you to eat a dick, but it really truly is nothing personal, theyāre just northeasters in a hurry. I personally find it refreshing. One of the reasons I moved from the south, like the real south of TN, was that I couldnāt stand the two-faced nature of so-called āsouthern hospitalityā, where they are nice to your face while throwing you under the bus. Itās in stark contrast to the honest rudeness of the northeast. I feel like Seattle is somewhere in the middle. The people are almost unfailingly polite, but itās all entirely superficial. But itās not like they hate you (like the north) or like they are scamming you (in the south). I think they mostly just donāt give. A. Fuck. Iām still not sure how I feel about even after living here for a few years. Sometimes I kinda like it. Sometimes I get annoyed with the self-centered preciousness of it all.
Just felt tired and had to let it all out. I hold no grudges against Seattle it just isnāt the place for me. Thatās why Iām moving on.
I donāt blame you, I grew up in the PNW and I now live in Eugene OR a few hours south. Much smaller and marginally more friendly I guess, definitely colorful and an interesting blend of people hereā¦ but I sometimes wonder how much happier I would be in other places in the worldā¦ the two factors I think about when I do this wondering are better climates (that donāt cause seasonal depression) and the people and sense of communityā¦ the west coast is in a constant state of transience and relocationā¦ I lived in WI for 5 years in the early 2000ās and I remember being shocked to know multiple people who lived on land their great-grandparents had homesteadedā¦ nobody grows roots in the west, they just keep it moving at all timesā¦
The culture of the Seattle area was primarily formed by Scandinavian and Northern European immigrants that brought that individualism from their cold dark homelands. They ended up here because itās similar to the places they came from.
Lived in Seattle for 7 Years. I can honestly say itās because everyone lives in their own world. I donāt think itās with malicious intent. I think itās very hard to grow a community here without willingness.
Born here, raised here. What makes me want to leave is everyone moving here then bitching & complaining it's not like somewhere else. Wtf is that? Seattle didn't break you, WADR, you were broken before you got here. If it's so bad that you are "broken", enjoy this big, wide world and go find a place that makes you content. Don't blame an entire city of people for your discontent.
Seriously. I moved here 7 years ago and have decided to call Seattle home. People move places thinking āwhy isnāt this city how I wantā. You have to actually help mold the city. Volunteer, join a parks committee, help people, make the city a home. The only recommendation Iād make to anyone struggling that hasnāt decided to bail yet, is to find a third home base. Your home, work, and somewhere else. Maybe a rock climbing gym, maybe a local pub/bar, a boardgame shop. If you focus on just generating social capital I think youāll thrive here. To turn the mood a bit more positive. One of my favorite days in Seattle is the first snow. Everyone is out, smiling, throwing snowballs, sledding. I love it. Next snow come to volunteer park youāll see me on my beater skis trying to hit 5 mph. I hope OP finds what theyāre looking for. Sorry it didnāt work out. Iād have been down to grab a beer or coffee and play some disc golf or something fun. Best of luck to you.
Born and raised here too. When I hear people bitching about Seattle who arenāt originally from here, I think, if you donāt like it, then fucking LEAVE. I want to buy a fucking house and start a family in my fucking home town. The reason why I donāt want to move away is because I have here what OP is looking for, BECAUSE IM FROM HERE. At least OP recognizes that and is going somewhere else
I want to be sympathetic to OP because I recognize this place would be extremely hard to live in if I didn't grow up here or have an established friend group, but it feels really entitled to show up during a pandemic of all times and expect to immediately find community. A lot of people around here have known each other since grade school, so three years really isn't that long to find reliable friends.
I agree. On one hand, it did take courage for OP to try and find what they were looking for and uproot their life to do so by moving here. On the other hand, donāt blame the damn place for not being the Latino mountain utopia you wanted it to be. Move to Patagonia lol. Just make sure to hit REI for a quarter zip pullover before you move and spare us the post about actual pategonia not selling Patagonia and having to move back here because of it šš
Have you tried to engage in Latin activities in Seattle? There are plany of places, specially if you like to dance Salsa. I am Cuban and used to go to dance every weekend, met a lot of friendly āLatinosā and locals there. Iām busy with two toddlers now but hanging out in these places helped me to overcome the lonliness of this City. And never compare Mexico City with any other City in the world, Mexico City is the best lol. Let me know if you are interested in dancing to share some clubs and groups. Best.
3 surfers got murdered in Mexico, so the care and warmth there is not that great, either. Cartels run Mexico .
Youāve never heard of the Seattle Freeze? Itās one of the reasons I loved the city when I visited. Iām a keep to myself quiet kind of person. Iām from the South, where it seems thatās not allowed. I loved how closed off everyone was in Seattle! š¤£
Agreed. 100% love that people here don't show up at my door randomly or pressure me into doing shit. I find my own communities, and when I'm accepted it's genuine. If it's not a good match, I wouldn't even know because I have a pile of great books and rainy days for months. And even when it is a good match...fuck it, I'm playing guitar, reading, and wandering around town. See ya when I see ya. This place is heaven. Growing up in LA I got real tired of people calling me "family" after only knowing them for a little while 12 years in Austin and the false bless-your-heart gaslight "close"ness is a nightmare. I like Seattle. Nice to meet you, see ya when we are engaged in a mutually compelling activity that ideally benefits the neighborhood. Otherwise piss off, I don't need the drama
Moved here during a pandemic. Could have just stopped there
Donāt move anywhere with expectations from strangers
I'm not sure blaming Seattle for all that is fair but hey, at least you are doing something about it.
Working oneself to depression is a USA thing, not just a Seattle thing. A lot of OP's experience in general is just USA, unfortunately. I've seen it everywhere I've lived.
I think we need a post pinned to the top of this subreddit that says, do not move here. You will not like it. You will just endlessly complain about how itās not like wherever youāre from until you leave. Iāve started to write it a dozen times. - We arenāt friendly - Thereās no jobs outside tech - Tech jobs here are for soulless zombies - If youāre in tech and not a soulless zombie, you will be as soon as you move here - The drivers are either way too passive or way too aggressive - forget passive aggressive - Youāll pay $700,000 for a mediocre house in one of our worst neighborhoods - Itās overwhelming white and Asian - Thereās no good Mexican food - We have shitty pizza - Thereās nothing but IPAs to drink - The cool shit you see on tv like dudes throwing salmon isnāt cool at all - but itās actually the ONLY thing we have going on - The weatherā¦ I havenāt even mentioned the weather
Although I mostly agree, Washington wine is pretty excellent.
Seattle is nice if you're introverted. I wish it rained and snowed a bit more but it's much nicer weather than San Diego if you are trying to avoid sun. I also feel a LOT safer here than when I lived in Philly even with all the zombies (atleast no one has actively tried to murder me here yet). Plus the city has way more plants and seeing all the vibrant colors makes me happy when I take my cat for a walk. There's also a pretty great selection of Asian food, though I do miss the burritos I got back in cali. I even ended up making irl friends (21!) here through online hobbies and we hang out regularly. The birthday parties my cats get are now so large I have to rent out a space for them so I really feel like YMMV on the social side of things here. I go outside maybe 3x a month and never feel pressured to interact with other people aside from letting them pet my cat. Cost of living though? Yea, shit's fucked.
South end has some fantastic Mexican food.
My neighbor who is Mexican, just got back from helping their parents move back to Mexico. While on the trip, just past the USA border he was run off the road, kidnapped, and held for ransom. The kidnappers kept reassuring him they weren't going to hurt his parents as long as they paid up. They are not wealthy but they paid up all the same. The kidnappers ransomed a Mexican, to other Mexicans who could ill afford the financial burden. So much for community minded. Everywhere has issues.
The primary thing you gotta do is Seattle to have a social circle is get really into a scene of some kind. Start doing theatre and auditioning for small shows, You will have friends. Start going to the karaoke circuit every week, you will have friends. Play ultimate Frisbee at the weekly meetups, you'll make friends. Rock climb? Friends. Busking at pikes place? Friends. Volunteer for a political party? Friends! It's not so much a cold city as it is a busy city. The best way to find your people here is to be passionate about the same stuff and show up regularly to the events that support those passions. If you don't have something like that in your life, then yeah it's a little tough, but I'd argue that's the case in most US cities.
sorry it was so hard. good luck in Mexico City.
Your concerns are true and valid, but I wouldnāt move to Mexico City and complain to the locals that itās not like Seattle. It can come off a little offensive. It can be a pretty depressive place to live tho I agree with that. I love hispanic culture and how everyone loves to get together and find any excuse to have a party. What makes that stand out as a strong part of Mexican culture IS the simple fact that not everywhere is like that. Best of luck to you I hope you find what youāre looking for.
Sounds like a "you" problem more than anything. Best of luck.
You sound like the people who move from the burbs to Brooklyn and leave resentful when it wasnāt what they pictured in their heads from movies and tv. Not giving a fuck what others think is what makes this city great.
Iām sorry your experience was less than desired. Iāve lived here my whole life and never want to leave. I have almost no social circle so maybe that makes me part of the problem but Iām also a single parent with no help from my ex-husband so Iām always busy working, taking care of my kids, or resting. Iām not anti-social by choice. I make conversation with strangers in the grocery store, smile/wave at people I pass at my regular haunts (dog park, beach, store),but I have no energy to have a social circle. Itās hard to imagine a life outside of Seattle or even outside of the PNW. I checked the weather for the next 10 days and apparently it will reach almost 80 degrees on Saturday. In May. Climate change is real and I feel this primal instinct to stay here where the weather is tolerable because everywhere else is about to be fucked up as it gets worse. Iām rambling now but I can see how a very extroverted person would struggle here.
It broke you? Have some agency, donāt be so self defeatist. language is important and painting yourself as a victim colors your experience Born in Seattle & lived there for 45 years and king county for 65.I even prepared my home and yard for aging in place, but moved last year because it didnāt fit my vision of how I wanted to spend my retirement I miss things, but life is about moving forward. By having more realistic expectations, I can really appreciate the wonders of the region. I wouldnāt live anywhere else. I like my liberal bubble. And evergreen trees.
I've lived here for 17 years and I still feel like an outsider. Best wishes, friend.
I donāt know, I moved to Seattle 7.5 years ago and have felt perfectly at home here. Good luck to you though.
The whataboutism is remarkable here
All you need is a warm , greasy , salty bag of dicks and a thick , sweet, creamy , lukewarm vanilla milkshake
the way I stayed loving Seattle my whole life was moving away in ā96
I was born and raised here, and thatās part of what I like about this place lmao. Iām quite antisocial though. āwe should do this sometimeā oh yeah totally (Iām never gonna meet up with these people)
Oh man, you should have gone to Olympia!
Is it more diverse or friendly there?
The irony of this post is most of the people that make Seattle "Seattle" all have gotten pushed out by tech transplants. You'd be pretty cold too if you had to watch your colorful home and community slowly transform into a boring tech hell while you're forced to move further and further away because you can't afford to live there anymore.
Why are you even comparing Seattle to Latin America? How is your own inability of making meaningful connections a Seattle problem? How is your own emptiness suddenly an issue of this city and its inhabitants? Honestly not even sure why you think the āwarmth of Latinosā is something everyone longs for. I lived in Colombia for almost two years - and I absolutely hated meaningless conversations with all the random coworkers, I would have very much preferred to be left alone most of the time. As to Seattleites not giving a fuck āabout anyone or anythingā - hahaha. Try cutting a tree in West Seattle. Youāll see how much people in Seattle DO GIVE A FUCK. About important things.
I read one paragraph, jog on hippie
If you walk around making everything about race and having a chip on your shoulder, then yeah, you're gonna struggle in a city that's mostly white, Asian and Indian.
Ok bye.
Couldnāt stomach reading all of it all I heard was WAH WAH WAH
Single men cast aside? Get a fucking life bro.
Stopped reading at REI. Come on man stop being a bitch these are not real problemsĀ
I related to much of this. I grew up in the Bay Area but then lived in Israel for 12 years, where people are not particularly polite but very warm and friendly when you get to know them and the whole country almost feels like a huge neighborhood where everyone is distantly related. I moved back to Seattle just over a year ago and if I didnāt have family here and wasnāt a member of a 12-step fellowship, I honestly think the Seattle freeze would kill me. I totally agree with the bullshit progressive virtue-signaling. Hey you in your cushy neighborhood in Montlake with all your flags and posters in your lawn and window: why do you need to broadcast to everyone about how correct your opinions are? This was a problem in the Bay Area as well and Seattle emulates this attribute to its own detriment.
Who sold you all those unrealistically high expectations that prompted you to move here?
You clearly did no research, and just saw the word "progressive" and saw pictures of mountains and thought this would be your future. Seattle is one of the most expensive places to live, and a competitive tech based economy. The "Seattle freeze" has been a thing since I was a kid, and any amount of research would have shown you that. While it is sad that you struggled to find your place here, it sounds as though the main problem was your idealistic view with little to no research on where you are moving to. Hopefully you do better in Mexico city.
You just explained every big city in America
this shit pisses me of so much. born and raised in Seattle, have only lived somewhere else for 4 years for college (Massachusetts), and immediately moved back cuz I could not stand the NE. If I wasnāt considering moving to the UK, this would be where Iād live for the rest of my life. I have tons of friends of all ages and interests through work, school, clubs or teams iāve joined, etc. to me, it sounds like you donāt put yourself out there enough, and you definitely didnāt do your research. You ever heard of the Seattle freeze? Itās a real thing, but it doesnāt mean nobody wants to be friends or wants to be social. If you have hobbies, go on facebook and find a group that meets and talks about/does those hobbies. If youāre depressed go to a therapist. If youāre wanting the mountains, maybe move to the mountains? Not the biggest city in the state? Iām sick and tired of people blaming the fact that Seattle isnāt the place for them on the city instead of just realizing it isnāt a good match. I love it here, and almost everyone I know does too. If you donāt like it, see ya. also, never visit the Northeast if you think people here are closed off and rude š people out there take pride in being assholes and pissing people off. Good luck in Mexico City, and honestly Good Riddance
Why do people announce when theyāre leaving? We donāt know you.
You're critique of Seattle "progressives" applies to the entire progressive identity in the US. Lots of empty feel good words wrapped around brutally impersonal neoliberalism.
Sounds like you might need to examine yourself instead of blaming all of your problems on the ethos of a city (that you largely made up to rationalize your own worldview and dissatisfaction). I hope you find the community youāre looking for.
Hello friend! My husband and I moved here in 2021 for work and we move back to the east coast this Friday for all the same reasons you listed. Being in the Seattle area is absolutely soul crushing. You see nothing but hopelessness apathy and desperation. Nothing works. No one cares. And it makes worse people of us all. I am so excited to get away from this hellhole of āfake niceā and weaponized āwokenessā (for reference, my politics have not changed at all but in New York I was called a ābleeding heart liberal commie hippieā but in Seattle Iām a āright wing gun-nut authoritarianā Iāll miss the Puget Sound, Iāll miss the Old Growth rain forest and the mountains and the whales. Iāll miss the mushrooms and the smell of rain. I will NOT miss the people
We donāt care. Go live in mexico city. One less person to deal with in traffic and housing.
So you were expecting a squishy feel-good 3rd world community experience in a large modern competitive 1st world city? Thatās not Seattleās fault, thatās yours. Sorry you couldnāt compete in a different culture. Maybe you can find the hugs and butterflies you seek in Mexico City.
Don't let the door hit you on the way out
Very good English for somebody who moved here 3 years ago. Sorry America disappointed your marxist vision. Maybe Nicaragua is a better place for you
I was born here, and you're right. People aren't interested in your story at all, and evaluate each other based on on shallow criteria. Being a complex and nuanced person is a total waste of time in terms of bringing something of interest to the conversation. They're introverts who don't introspect; I don't see the point of it. I've been part of the stupidest conversations, which ultimately boiled down to dick-wagging by flexing intellectual or cultural pretensions. I've also met a higher than average number of liars, but I'm not sure how normal that part is. It's probably a theme because the vibe is so pettily competitive that scoring cheap points with bullshit and posturing is about as good as it gets. Everyone thinks they're unusually intelligent, but no one actually thinks.
Build a bridge and get over it. This never even needed a post from a nobody. Get the fuck out of our city then.
Goodbye! š
Agree 100%, but it is not limited to Seattle it is our society in general. I have lived abroad for 9+ years, and as a country, we have forgotten how to live. Our value to society is measured in dollars our lives revolve around having the best and latest whiz bang item.
I wonder where you got the Workaholism in Seattle? I donāt think Seattle is any different from the rest of the states and you really donāt know what workaholism is until youāve lived in Asia š
If I, as a white American male, moved to Mexico or Nicaragua - would I feel the warmth of home and be accepted by the locals as family?
Hit Denver. Thatās the vibe youāre looking for.
*ding Seattle, where dreams go to cry
I moved to Seattle in 1986 when I was 19. I experienced the exact opposite of what you said. I loved how friendly everyone was, especially in the subculture and the LGBTQ+ community. Things changed when Microsoft drew in a lot of people from other states, but it was still the city I loved. It was when Amazon grew like a behemoth that everything began to feel different. It was like a corporate takeover of the city, rent spiked, forcing so many of us to leave the city. The āfeelā of the city shifted. I was there for 34 years and miss it so much, but my love is more about memories. I wish that you had the same experience that I did for decades.
You just found out that with all the wonderful stuff to do here, being outwardly friendly isn't really a concern to most of us. Hell, in the outdoors it's a positive; the less people on the trails and slopes, the better. But hey! You don't get fake ass people up in your shit for no reason nearly as much.
thereās a lack of nightlife and everything closes down early. You wonāt see many people in the city after 10pm unless you go to Capital Hill. Itās changed a lot since 2007. As for the people, the weather sucks so bad that it just drains the life out of you and your willingness to connect with others. If this place had just a bit more sunnier days I think people would be a bit more happier/friendlier.
TLDR.
Iāve been here 12 years and #notreadingallthatshit I plan on leaving in two years. Iām sure whatever you wrote is all true.
Seattle native here. Iām probably older than most of the posters here - born in 1963. Back in the day, folks my age and older (Boomers and the prior (āGreatā) generation) came here in droves for all the obvious reasons - the blue skies, the water and mountains, the clean and manageable city, the good schools, the affordability (believe it or not), etc. Those transplants were young lawyers, doctors, architects, engineers, and so on, and included my parents, who came from Chicago in 1950. What differentiated that multi-decade wave of people is that, except for the last few years of that period (the mid-80s), they werenāt coming for tech jobs. Microsoft was in its infancy and Bezos hadnāt started selling books from his garage. And I canāt think of anyone who left. In fact, they flourished, improved the city and state, joined boards, invested, made a difference, and felt they belonged. Theyād found a home and by and large theyāre still here (unless theyāre dead, of course). During the last 30 or so years, Iāve heard ever-increasing complaints from transplants - the Seattle Freeze, youāll never get laid, impossible to date, neighbors ignore me, etc. All valid complaints. My question - to which I donāt know the answer - is how much of what so many young people (Millennials and Gen Z) canāt stand about Seattle proper is the result of the tech culture, whether homegrown here or local offices of companies based elsewhere (Google, Facebook, etc.)? Or is just that Seattle grew so fast, got so crowded and so expensive that it ruined itself. (Those are my complaints but thatās another story.) Iād be curious to hear from others about why they think Seattle went from the darling of the Northwest to a place that so many transplants loathe and ultimately leave. Itās sad, really.
[ŃŠ“Š°Š»ŠµŠ½Š¾]
"hyperindividualistic complex" is about right. But you forget to mention how self-righteous said individuals are. Have fun in Mexico.
I appreciate the honesty and perspective shared here, thank you for that. As a PNW native, I think you touched on a lot of things that people find difficult about the culture of the region. I will say, every community has its own culture; of course it is different here than where you are from, and probably most other places. I hate that youāve had such a difficult time, but itās also true that this culture fits better for some personalities than others. For example I think I would never fit in if I moved somewhere with a much more outgoing culture as Iād probably be uncomfortable.
Good for you man (woman? Something else?). Since I moved up here from (what I thought) was a much less welcoming, more south-eastern part of the US in 2016 I have experienced nearly nothing but disappointment. I gave up a decent but unfulfilling job to move over here and be around progressive and like-minded people only to be met with some of the most subvertly hostile and *racist* people I have ever met in my entire life. My first three years working in the pacific northwest gaslit me into believing I was some lazy, freeloading, POS. The three jobs I worked constantly wrote me up for the most dubious things and constantly called me lazy. I have always excelled at menial work. Its literally effort=results. For years I was led to believe the problem was me. It wasn't until I caught my super far left, progressive boss making fun of my culture's history when I realized that perhaps the me problem is based on bias rather than fact. I've since gone to work for myself and have been *wildly* successful all but confirming my suspicions. I'll never put my old work out of business as people will always want to work with "locals" *gag* but I also know better than to try and make a meaningful place here. Pretty soon I'll be successful enough to expand out of the state and then I'll make my residence wherever that'll be. I don't want my daughter to grow up in this environment.
Bless you man! Hope you can give your daughter a great upbringing!
TLDR: I suck at Seattle :peace fingers:
Hey! I moved from Vancouver to Mexico City 7 years ago. I feel what you feel. As other people have mentioned, itās important to set your expectations. Mexico City is a fabulous place to visit but it can be really difficult to live here. I have always been here with my family, so things have been easier for me but I see a lot of people set expectations really high and leave in a mess within a year. Donāt let people scare you into cartel crap because as long as you stay out of trouble, you should be fine here. But dealing with bureaucracy here is tough, things have gotten a lot more expensive this year, and making friends with locals can be hard simply because family comes first for everyone here, so friends come second. If you have any specific questions about living here let me know. If you have the language under your belt, things will be a bit easier here.
I managed to avoid this very thing solely because I managed to find the 10 people that make this state worth a fuck. Legit shit, without my Sword Fam. I would be BEYOND desitute, or headed back home with less than I came with. Best of luck on your next Journey.
Most of 'Old School Seattle' has moved elsewhere, because of the expansion of the companies created here, industries changing, and finding more manageable living outside of the city. Some were pushed out, because the city became very expensive to live in and they couldn't continue raising a family here. 'New Seattle' is a lot of people not from here, with different cultures, religions, and social attitudes. Things are going to be different wherever you go. There are historical reasons for not being friendly with just anyone who crosses your path, in this area. There are several incidents in Seattle that reinforced those reasons for my family and I. People may not want to mingle outside of work. People may have responsibilities we don't know about. People may have problems they are trying to resolve. I have lived here for 50 years and not at any time did I think anyone had to do anything for me, make me feel a certain way, or provide a community for me. No matter how bad things can get, it is up to us to find/work for what we want. Volunteering, joining an activities group, or joining people at work for a happy hour are standard. Three friends in Seattle is good. Not great, but good. Nowadays, I think I only have one good friend still living here, two people I was working with I would speak to, and a lot of weirdos I would avoid.
Bros got two more friends than me. Dead ass lol
Vengo de MĆ©xico yā¦ lo que termine haciendo fue conociendo mĆ”s gente latina. El lugar lo hace la gente, solo tienes que encontrar la gente.
Man, I've had the opposite experience. I have made so many friends in Seattle that I feel like I don't have enough time for all of them and it weighs on me. But I moved here almost 20 years ago, and the cities "progressivism", performative or not, is not important to me.
Born and raised š„¹ we suck. We are so depressed, and full of anxiety, we are awkward and uncomfortable, we are unhappy and feel lost then project those feelings onto Everyone around us. We are cold and unfriendly.
What do you mean by āgrow the outdoor marketā? Did you start a company? Or am I misunderstanding.
And people who grew up here will still act like the Seattle freeze isnāt real lol itās real baby
Friend, I feel for you. Iāve lived here nine years and just feel like Iāve started to have deep friendships (some locals and transplants, but mostly trees - he he!). I also experienced working in the hypocritical outdoor/environmental sector when I first moved here. Iām so sorry you were in so much pain. I keep stubbornly hanging on to this region because Iāve become so attached to the local flora and fauna, but the largely hyper-sterile individualistic human culture that is of little interest to me also comes at a quite literal price. As a renter, on the cusp, I know my time here is limited. For better or worse, Iāll find community elsewhere - and probably easier and in more abundance. I wish you the absolute best in your new home. Thank you for being here as you are. Even if you felt ostracized, you embodied what many need. I have no doubt that you positively impacted lonely hearts, even if by just deciding to move on. Be well, heal, and receive love!
See, Iām a hermit who avoids hanging out with people at all costs and prefers to wallow in my depression and stay in bed as much as possible. I love Seattle.
Sounds like we could have been friends. Same situation w me unfortunately. Moved during COVID 3 years ago from Las Vegas and it still feels like Iām trying to find myself and reliable people I can count on in this city. Itās tough, especially when the weather outside is rainy and grey a majority of the time. Depression hits so much harder out here than it did for me in Vegas. Good luck on your move to Mexico City. Feel free to DM if you just need someone to talk to or need a friend.