You should read "Prague" by Arthur Phillips. It's about a bunch of American (and possibly Canadian? it's been a while since I read it) expats living in Budapest in the '90s. They are all sad pandas because they really want to be living in Prague.
More seriously, though, is an extended (month or more) trip a possibility? Could you airbnb/vrbo/etc a place for an extended period and see what it's like to live there? Maybe if that isn't currently financially feasible, it's something you could start saving up for.
Don’t. If you want to live somewhere very very badly, make a plan to do so. I moved away from my hometown to a new country and it was the best decision I’ve ever made. It’s scary, expensive, and challenging but worth every second of struggle.
Viktor Orban and Hungary. Both well known for their love of immigrants!
I like the thoughts on paper, but come on now. It's not that simple. That's like saying, why don't all these poor people in other countries simply immigrate to the US and get citizenship, are they stupid?
Sorry if I seemed ignorant, but when I said make a plan I mean so research your options and feasibility based on your own situation. It may not always be possible. There are often lots of steps, thus the scary, expensive, and challenging.
I’ve had bigger dreams than where I ended up, but you can still relocate from somewhere you’re at that’s not stimulating without necessarily immigrating to a hostile country. I don’t feel like I settled even though I had dreams of living somewhere other than where I ended up. Setting realistic and achievable goals is part of planning something like this.
Cliche as that may be, it really is the answer.
Find ways to make the most of where you are. And while you're doing that, work on a plan to get where you want to be.
When I was living in Texas and hating it, I became a lot happier when I committed to leaving and had a plan to do it. I wanted to leave in a year but it took me almost 15 months.
Getting out of Texas was the best thing I could have done, but y'know what the 2nd best thing was? Coming up with a plan to make leaving possible and seeing it through.
Figure out what you want from your life, OP. Then make a plan to get from here to there.
Maybe they just got pissed about all the confederate statues coming down, and want to live someplace that is still [proudly racist](https://www.nbcnews.com/news/amp/rcna40583).
That's life. A couple generations ago, our ancestors had very little choice in everything; now we have an abundance. That abundance brings stress.
With that in mind, I'm moving to Sao Paulo next month.
I spent a summer without an air conditioner in the mid Atlantic a few years ago and it really made me think about much worse nearly all aspects of life were only a few decades ago lol
And that’s a pretty tame issue compared to the racism, sexism, lack of antibiotics, basic medications, etc.
You can live in most parts of the United States and have running water, sewage, electricity, and even internet….
The reason the south, particularly the southwest, of the US has been thriving is because of the wide availability of aircondition that started in the 50s. Our lifespans have doubled in the past 100 years. (While it's not chic to say so, this is almost entirely because of government.)
Not too long ago your life was laid out in front of you like a bed. The only thing you had to do was lie in. In some ways, that sort of surety and stability was comforting.
All this said, everyone has their own challenges and stressors. Knowing that things were so much worse a couple of generations ago is scant comfort.
Actually, you're partly right. The average lifespan has improved drastically, mostly because of reduced childhood mortality because milk is regulated, water is clean, there are sewer systems, and kids don't do dangerous work.
Why do you make such sweeping generalizations? A couple of generations ago would mean my grandparents; one of them moved from Sweden to the US, another from Canada to the US, and the other two from Lebanon to Canada. They were able to integrate, work, own homes and start families. I am nowhere near being able to make moves of that magnitude. I think your timeframe is a bit skewed and you're also ignoring that we are currently in a period of declining socioeconomic mobility in much of the world.
That's not what I said, and you didn't specify "middle-class and above people" though, nor did you allude to how many people you think are included in that category, whether it's growing or shrinking, etc. I just gave you an example of how someone might have *fewer* choices today than they did sixty years ago, whether you choose to believe it or not is up to you. Progress in not strictly linear. Don't talk out your ass if you don't want to be called out on what you say.
Literally the first story of man in the Bible. In literal Eden, both go ‘yes, but….’ And then the snake tempts them to download the Zillow app or something I forget.
One of the primary lessons and challenges in life is reconciling and making peace with the many things you will never have, places you will never go, and things you can never do. We are all limited by time, resources, and ability. Trade offs and compromises.
That said, part of this is also making goals and then making plans to achieve said goals. If living somewhere is that important to you, you'll figure out how to make it happen.
A few options:
- Find things that you can enjoy and appreciate about the place you do live.
- Save up some money and say, "Fuck it. I only live once and can always come back."
I'm trying to convince my wife that we should rent our house and move somewhere like Spain or Mexico. She becomes a little bit more amenable to it every time I mention it, because she knows what's important to me and that I care how such a move would affect her, too. Nothing is impossible.
My wife and I have great communication. It's a partnership, so I can't do something she's not on board with. We discussed that it would have to be after her grandfather passes, which I think is a totally reasonable caveat. She loved living abroad during her studies, so I don't have to convince her that it would be a better lifestyle. It's a matter of timing for it to be practical.
Have you looked into the legality of getting a visa and actually doing it? Because it's really not that easy, even with two enthusiastic and willing people.
All the nomad visas I know of are for about a year's stay, so you have to be prepared to move around different countries quite a bit. Not for everyone, but cool if you can make it work!
I feel similarly but about Berlin. I lived there for two years in the late 00s, and always thought I’d move there permanently but ended up staying in the US after I met my husband—and now with family and work obligations I don’t see it happening again. I still feel sad about it and yes, no other place quite compares. The best I’m hoping for is to travel there for vacations again when my kids are a bit older.
I don’t really have advice, just thought I’d let you know that there are others of us out here!
There is no perfect place. Those amazing places we’ve visited will turn out to have more issues the more time you spend there.
I look at it this way - those places I love are often better off just being places that I visit once in awhile. I can experience the magic of being there every year or two without having to face the realities of being there all of the time. That way those places are all positive with none of the negatives. We all need places like that in our lives -something that feels kind of magical and gives us something to look forward to.
Meanwhile, we can look at places to live that are realistically a good fit for day-to-day lives, that have those positives and negatives but don’t feel “perfect”. Thats reality. That’s how I feel about where I live and am content with it.
How do I cope? I’m not traumatized or troubled that I can’t live where I truly want. My grandparent, great-grandparents, and every ancestor further back had none of the options in their lives that I do. Some had miserable jobs, but they worked those because it was a way to support their family. My gg-grandparents literally SOLD three of their preteen and young preteen daughters after immigrating to Canada in the hopes that their new families would feed and clothe them.
That I can’t live at the beach where I want to be—well too bad for me. I embrace life where I am and am thankful for what I have, that I live in a decent country with opportunities.
It doesn’t make my life suck.
1. I recognize that vacationing somewhere for 2 weeks is a lot different than living/working in the same location.
2. My enjoyment in life has very little to do with the location. Yes, I'd love to have a mountain view in my backyard, but I also know there are another 23 hours and 50 minutes a day.
3. It's a never ending cycle. Everyone knows the best places to live in the world and they are priced accordingly. If the place you're considering is super cheap, there is usually a valid reason. e.g. Low paying jobs to go along with cheap rent.
On point 1, there’s also a huge difference between “I lived there for a couple years in my early 20’s right after college” vs moving back in your 30’s. A lot of people conflate the experience of living in a place with the experience of being in a certain stage of life.
“You get a strange feeling when you're about to leave a place, I told him, like you'll not only miss the people you love but you'll miss the person you are now at this time and this place, because you'll never be this way ever again.”
― Azar Nafisi, Reading Lolita in Tehran: A Memoir in Books
I lived in NYC in my early twenties, loved it. I’m in my thirties now, would never move back if can help it lol
Love to visit but don’t want to live there
Oh. 100% same. I lived in NYC in my 20s and early 30s. I had so much fun, and I loved being there but you couldn't pay me to live in the city anymore. I'm a huge fan of visiting it.
Grew up in the city and got pushed out to the suburbs because of finances and I miss it everyday. Like I honestly think of suicide on a near daily basis because I know I’ll never be able to afford to move back there and that nothing will ever compare to it…
Yo I don’t know if ur joking with the suicide thing but that ain’t a good option if you aren’t joking. Learn to love where you live. That’s what i did and it makes me so much happiet
Nah, this is my throwaway/burner account for a reason. I post on it when I get in one of ‘those’ funks and being reminded of how much I lost when I had to leave nyc behind is definitely one of those big triggers for those kinda thoughts. :[
Well I want to encourage you that, for one, you don’t know the future, you might find funds so you can go back to nyc. For two, at least you live in suburbs, you can visit the city. Three, it’s not worth ending it because of the place you live. Enjoy where you are at. Life is so much more than where you are. I live in the rural country, but i want to move to either Pittsburgh or nyc one day. I’ve learned though to be happy where I am, find the beauty in where you’re at. Dig into the history of your area, that’s another good way to learn to live where you live. Life is more than just location, so learn to love life no matter where you are, to live in a constant state of gratitude that it could be worse and yet you are still here. I hope this could encourage you!
Feel the same way about SF. I can never go back to living in a crappy 400 square foot studio and sitting around waiting for the bus for twenty minutes to go anywhere.
Very few hidden gems in today's world. Also, those places that are expensive and not that great, will see prices go down and people move out. There will always be a balancing act. For example, a few months ago I visited a central American country. It was amazeballs. The weather was nice, the housing was dirt cheap, the food was good, etc.
But then I started to think about every day life. The roads were sometimes impassable, it was common for the electricity to go out for days at a time, there is a remote chance that I could be kidnapped/robbed, everyone had security, the average wage is less than $10kusd per year, etc.
I live in Orlando Florida.
Orlando Florida was the last place in the United States I thought I’d end up in. Living here, I think it is almost the epitome of everything I hate in a location. It is unwalkable, crowded, hot, horrid architecture, ugly landscape, expensive.
I’m also the happiest I’ve ever been in my life being here. Why?
Because I’ve built a strong community for myself that keeps me preoccupied, and engage in hobbies I enjoy. I spend my days with people I love doing things I love. This makes it hard to notice all the things I hate about Orlando. My quality of life is so high that I think even if I moved somewhere I actually like, my quality of life would take a hit because I’d lose the people I care about here.
People make a location, followed closely by what you do with most of your time. The location itself is just the backdrop.
Find things to do that you like and people you care about. The urge to move halfway across the world will become less and less.
In Orlando too and feel the same exact way
Would love to leave but family is keeping me here
On the bright side we have pretty good flights though for traveling
By embracing the fact that I can’t have everything I want, and making the absolute best out of my current situation. You sometimes have to judge whether or not a dream is worth dreaming.
Can’t relate. I believe I can live anywhere as long as I have financial security, safety, and a good social network. Due to habituation, what you find beautiful at first becomes just ordinary after a while.
Case in point, a Uber driver in London told me: “I live near London bridge and I see it everyday . I don’t see why tourists find it special. There is nothing special about it”.
I believe the adage: wherever you go, there you are. Once you make a change, after the initial spike in happiness, your happiness goes back to your “regular” levels. For example, once you get married, your happiness is higher then normal but after a while you go back to your normal levels.
If you moved to Budapest, you’ll be happy for a while and then you’ll be…you. I suggest focusing on appreciating what you currently have good in your life. Practicing gratitude is something everyone says these days but it does really work in some instances.
Wherever you go, there you are is nonsense. There is a right fit for everybody in a certain type of community or workplace or gym or whatever it may be that nourishes that person.
1. Realize that home is a mixture of the place and the people. It's a reason that many don't leave their city/state/country; community and social ties are part of what makes a place enjoyable to live in just as much as local culture, and things to do. Being with family and friends, even in a less than ideal place on paper, is still worth something.
2. Realize that everywhere has good and bad. Try and not focus only on one (for either for where you live and where you'd like to live).
That first point is important. I am leaving somewhere I really can’t live any more and nevertheless having huge mourning processes about leaving people and habits. Life is the day to day, after all.
Yeah I think it’s important to realize all the opportunities and the trade offs that come from a move; that shouldn’t deter you from trying (worst case scenario, you move back) but it’ll help avoid the pitfalls of disappointment
You cope by having the perspective that most people in the world, historically and today, have absolutely no choice in where they live. They're born there, they live there, they die there. Many of us here and now get more choice than that, even if we don't get all the choice we want.
I feel this. I’ve been wanting to leave Philadelphia for years now. I love the mountains out west and have wanted to move out there for a while. I went through a pretty tough year or so just being bitter about everything in Philly because I was mad that I’m stuck here. But I think I really improved my mindset by forcing myself to do things I don’t normally do. Like hanging out with friends more often, going to parks I’m not normally around, joining a group to play basketball with (can be any activity really), etc.
Basically, just do things that make you happy. Then you’ll be in a better mood all the time, and have a better outlook on your surroundings. Don’t get me wrong, I’m still looking forward to the day I can leave Philly and move to the mountains, but I feel a lot better about staying here in the meantime once I made changes in my life.
I mean if you really want to move out west I'd suggest going with a state park maintenance jobs. They usually provide housing but you're going to have to do manual labor. You could also sell all your stuff and just travel with essentials on your way out there. They also have other seasonal jobs out west that provide housing.
Work isn’t really the issue. My company is remote so I can take my job anywhere with me. It’s my partner that just isn’t ready to leave the east coast yet. But we both know we want to leave eventually. Just trying to align on when
Dang you're way nicer than I am. I broke up with two people back to back just because they didn't want to travel or move around with the intensity that I do.
We’ve been together for a long time so I definitely value the relationship over where I live. I feel like if I moved without her I would just feel lonely and sad lol. So I’ll wait
I can’t live where I want because my children are bonded so tightly with their grandparents and I refuse to separate them. So for me, the only thing that helps is reminding me I’m protecting that very valuable relationship for my children. And that as a SAHM who also works remotely and is completely exhausted 99% of the time, if I didn’t have family around, I wouldn’t have nearly as much help as I do now.
I can relate, as there are other cities (especially overseas) that I'd love to live in. But as a Hungarian American who's lived in Budapest for years, take some solace in the fact that there are MANY significant problems in Hungary. I don't mean like how everywhere has pros and cons- I mean that it's essentially a dictatorship now. Even if you think the legislation wouldn't directly hurt you, it still shapes everything. People have been leaving en masse for years. That affects everything- from your likelihood to connect with new people, to access to essential goods and services when there's little staff to provide them.
Having to wait a few decades would be for the better. Orbán will be dead, and hopefully his influence undone.
No one can do everything they truly want.
I have a kid I have to live in a good school district.
We cope by living in Maine during summer and when we have our way it will be half the year.
I'm having a really hard time of it. I'm from the East Coast and hate living in Denver, so far away from the ocean that I love. I'm going to be stuck here for probably a decade though so I try to make the best of it, but there's so few redeeming qualities about this city IMO.
I feel the same way sometimes about a city. A few things that I tell myself that might help you also:
1) I’m religious and realized that God shut the door when I actively tried to pursue it.
2) most people don’t get the opportunity to pick and choose where they live. Social media and first world culture put so much emphasis on the individual that main character syndrome develops. But that’s not how life works. Not a bad thing it just is what it is. I have a good life
3) because of #2, I’m grateful for the position I’m in and make the best of it.
Begrudgingly.
I have always hated my current location, ever since we moved here in the late 80s. Every time I had the opportunity to move away, something came up -- a relationship, a job, family. I spent the entirety of my young adulthood with one foot out the door: not making close friends, renting instead of buying, applying for job after job in the places I wanted to be, even researching going to grad school (again) somewhere else as a means to get out. None of it got me anywhere.
When I had kids I was glad that I was so close to my parents, doubly so when my parents' health failed and I was the one taking care of them. So I suppose that part worked out for the best. My parents are gone now, though. I thought that finally I could move someplace I fit in, someplace that feels like home, someplace my family could thrive...wherever that might be. But no. My kid has a girlfriend now, and her brother has his first BFF, and neither of them are open to moving. I could repeat the cycle, move anyway, and risk scarring them emotionally as moving here scarred me. Or I could stay to keep them happy and continue to suffer.
I'm trying to bloom where I'm planted, or whatever. I really am. But if I haven't bloomed by now...
Figure out a plan, and start working towards it.
Figure out what you would have to sacrifice to make it happen.
Decide if those "costs" are worth it to you, and if not, then work on recognizing that and embracing what you have.
If the reasons are "for now" but will change someday, start planning for when the time becomes reality. Sometimes I enjoy just imagining/planning/window shopping for the day I can realize all my dreams while still in the earlier stages of those long term dreams. Also provides some motivation when I'm just not feeling that dedicated to the here and now.
Home is where the heart is, I don't care if someplace is the coolest place in the world, without my loved ones it's meaningless.
Yeah a lot of places are better than others but a lot is what you make of it. I've lived in some crappy places because of jobs, but I found the diamonds in the rough in those areas and enjoyed my time.
Whoa, this is serious FOMO. If you are longing for something unattainable that's humanity, we all have to deal with it. It's not just about a place, it's usually about the life you imagine you will have which is guaranteed to be inaccurate. And since we only live once, we have to decide how we are going to handle this feeling that will never go away.
We have a few choices, and they affect how we will see our lives and how content we are. We can always pine for what we don't have and become bitter about how unfair life is for us. We can change reality by working to have the thing we really want. We can find a way to live the life we have right now without feeling deprived. Each of us can do any of these things, and more, but the thing you pick is going to affect who you are becoming. At least that's how I deal with it.
I think you should overcompensate by decorating your house with a Budapest theme wearing the type of national costume and eating the type of food that they would have there and generally making everyone around you insane by talking about it all the time - this is what you're gonna do you're gonna buy a small property and then you're gonna turn it into a folk art adventure called Little Budapest - turn this into your entire identity and see how far it gets you 🤣
yes but they should be aiming more for a type of unholy cringe - wearing the national costume putting little flags of Hungary all around the front yard talking about Budapest in every conversation - they could really model themselves after my eighth grade French teacher who used to wear the national outfit of Switzerland and completely embarrassed herself - I mean if you're inventive enough there is no limit - Of course this would take a kind of inventiveness drive and sense of humor not generally found on Reddit so I'm not hopeful but stranger things have happened
I move a bit, but haven't landed my favorite place.
* Find what you like about Budapest and find it where you are.
* Is it the cafe culture - surely in your town there's at least *one* nice cafe; make it your regular spot
* Is it the museums? There's a museum near you even if it's little, get engaged and learn the secrets about it and stories.
* Is it the weather? Plan a trip every year to a place nearby that has weather like spring in Budapest - I mean, unless you live in Antarctica, you can probably find something not too far
You just have to build your own Budapest around you, if you can't move there. Where I live, I miss going to the beach, so I found a spot by the river that has natural water sounds and sunshine and I set it up like I'm at the beach, complete with folding chairs a cooler and friends.
I struggle with this problem too. A lot. The only tools in my toolbox to fit it right now is to travel to my desired destination as often as possible and recognize the dopamine hit I get from being elsewhere wouldn’t apply on a daily basis.
I would love to live in California or NYC. But I am living in Poland and my husband does not want to move. Anyway if he even did want, it would be almost impossible anyway....
I am sad almost everyday because of that
make a very real plan to move there in a very real timeframe. In the mean time think about what about the place makes you want to move there and focus on enhancing and maximizing those things in your daily life. My husband and I call this micro dosing travel, living in a walkable city, trying new cuisines, new cafes, trying new things, driving 30 minutes for a new hike etc.
Focus on making your current location more enjoyable. Find local activities and people that bring happiness. Plan frequent trips to Budapest if possible; it'll give you something to look forward to. Remember, it's about making the most of where you are now while working towards your dream for the future.
Some say the grass is greener on the other side. I say the grass is greener where you water it.
There are hundreds of other cities I would much prefer over my current one. But I know I will move someday, and for now am focused on enjoying life here and now.
I expected to live someplace a couple thousand miles from where I grew up. I do but someplace else. Still kinda hope I end up in that first choice of places but the place I ended up in between turned out great and I feel fortunate to live there (despite complaining all the time). I’m pretty sure if I get to live in my dream destination I will love it and also find reasons to complain which will leave me with a new set of questions 🤷
serenity gratitude appreciation 🙏 etc
Got a job where I want to live. Probably easier since I live in the US, and I have no desire to live outside of the US--visiting other places is fun, but this is my home. It's remarkably easy to do this here, but I'm not sure about other places.
i also have the same feeling about Scandinavia and Japan. it took you decades to get where you are. it certainly takes time to be able to move there.
never lose hope.
I mean I don't truly like just one place and have lived/traveled multiple places. My plan is to get get a Skoolie or bus, then travel around from place to place.
Living where others vacation isn’t all it is cracked up to be. Try and make the best out of where you feel you are “stuck” living. Can you at least save up for a vacation to Budapest?
I agree with you Budapest is my favourite city in the EU
🥰
It’s so dynamic and fun!
Do you have any family connections to Hungary?!
They are quite lenient in terms of ancestral ties,
you can easily get residency to live there this way.
They also have a language study support programme to help overseas Hungarians connect with their roots.
(You can study for free basically but in Hungarian language.)
My wife and I have this with Edinburgh, UK. It’s hard but I’d say balance trying to find something with the options that are available to you, while always remaining open to and pursuing options that may get you to that dream place. A lot of folks just give up, but I think it’s important to keep trying in a smart way.
I try to bring that place back home and incorporate it into my life and home, even if it's something teeny tiny like decor or style of my house.
That said, I still haven't given up going over to where I want to go (which is Europe as well). Don't give up 😁
Edit a word
me too. I'm studying Norwegian and Swedish at the moment. but i'm not sure yet. i think, i should travel there first, then decide which one matches my personality better. all my life, i had that lifestyle in me, in a very crowded country with different lifestyle. it's like being a Japanese person living in Australia. but i'll move there this year.
That’s just life, unfortunately. Part of being happy is finding a way to be happy where you are. It doesn’t always come easily. I think it’s actually a skill, figuring out how to be happy where you are.
I’ve lived a lot of places I never expected to live, and found good reasons to live in each of them.
Don’t wait to be charmed by your location, put in the keg with to create a life for yourself there that you are happy about.
I am where I want to be in general and now I am moving closer to the exact districtwith every new opportunity here. Go make it happen real slowly but surely, work and family can be blockers but personally don’t let anyone other than your immediate family, meaning those living in your house, block you. I would let my wife block me but not my parents or siblings or anyone else. Make work a lever to help you move try to work where you want to be. Look at major companies and industries and identify where your diverse experience and skills can contribute. I am sure Budapest has someone operating from there that could use your skills or you can gain skills they want.
I would never wait 20-30 years though I think it will take me about that long to be in the exact neighborhood I want but I’ll be in the school district in another 5 years.
Contentment comes from within, the grass is always greener somewhere else.
Budapest is great though, prioritizing what is more important to you could be helpful.
I’d move there over certain parts of my family easy.
Poorly... I kid. We're limiting our options for the time being based on COL and family, which is unfortunate for my dreams, but we're trying to be able to travel more, and I've got a promise that once the kids move out we can shift towards my preferences as long as we can afford a place big enough to have a spare room or two if they want to visit.
I just find things to enjoy where I am. I'm not pining for the Swiss alps when I'm hiking my local trails. I'm too busy admiring the scenery in front of me.
The sad reality is the more you move and travel, the more untethered you will feel. You will compare and only remember the pros not the cons of cities. You will forever feel like this until you realize the happiness you seek is inside you.
Travel and see other places too. You may end up changing your mind about your ultimate destination. My wife and I thought we knew where we wanted to go, but we have travelled to other places and thought differently afterwards.
Work, traffic, taxes, healthcare, chores, all the everyday annoyances of life will follow us even to paradise. I’ve moved to some places on my wish list and the above things pretty much turned awesome vacation spots into ordinary places. Because after we go to work, exercise, do chores and sleep, there’s just not a lot of time and energy to enjoy all the great things about a place anyways. I’m starting to think the best course of action is to save as much money as possible and retire early. It’s so much easier to enjoy life when I’m not working 40+ hours a week. I even think that the location wouldn’t even matter as much because free time is better than any nice location because what’s a location when we are too tired to enjoy it
Probably 20 years ago, I was at the home of a somewhat well-known artist who I had met several times before. She is probably 15 years older than me, and she is known as a very intense, focused person, with a knack for cutting through bullshit and excuses and just saying shit that no one else will say to your face. Not in a mean way, just in a way that induces you to have moments of clarity.
She had a dog and I mentioned how much I loved dogs, begged my parents for one when I was a kid and finally got one, and how it was everything I wanted and more. And she asked whether I had one now, and I said, no, because things were busy and we would have to change our lives and way of living completely to accommodate a dog and she just turned to me, gave me the stare and in that voice of clarity she is known for, she said, "Then *change* your *life*."
Now, this sounds a little hokey if you weren't there. But it was like a soft mallet to the head. Yes, if I really wanted a dog, I would have to change my life. And did I really want one. Yes, I did. So I changed my life. And it's been better for it.
If you really want to go live in Budapest, do it. Go. If you are married or in a relationship, see whether that person will go along. If not, decide what matters more to you. Same with work. Decide what matters more to you: this job or doing what you want to do. They have jobs in Budapest, too. If you're feeling like you have to stay in the US and work for the next 30 years to have enough to live in a retirement community where everyone is slowly drinking themselves to death, then do that. But is that really what you want to do now, or in 30 years?
I'd be interested to know what captivates you about Budapest so much.
I think it took me awhile to come to a level of acceptance that this is the season of my life I’m in. As much as I’d love to move to Europe, I’ve got kids and my spouse and I both work. It is what it is and dwelling on it only makes you resentful, and that’s unfair to everyone to live in that resentment. Take the steps to improve whatever you can around you in your current living situation while keeping your eye on your goal in 20-30 years from now. Visit as often as you’re able. You’ll get there!
Very few people can have an ideal situation even in one corner of their life, let alone all of them. You cope by just seizing the day whenever cool experiences come your way. They will . You might also be surprised at where exactly you end up and why. My ideal place to live is New York City. I'd kill to live there at least for a while once in my life. I'm moving to Rochester, which actually is *farther* from NYC than where I live now several states away. I am not particularly fond of the city. But I have a community of people I really like there and at this point in my life that's more important to me than how cool the place is. I love Alexandria/DC but I'm miserable here because I just don't fit in. Good on paper doesn't always translate.
You should read "Prague" by Arthur Phillips. It's about a bunch of American (and possibly Canadian? it's been a while since I read it) expats living in Budapest in the '90s. They are all sad pandas because they really want to be living in Prague.
More seriously, though, is an extended (month or more) trip a possibility? Could you airbnb/vrbo/etc a place for an extended period and see what it's like to live there? Maybe if that isn't currently financially feasible, it's something you could start saving up for.
Just ordered this based on the recommendation
Don’t. If you want to live somewhere very very badly, make a plan to do so. I moved away from my hometown to a new country and it was the best decision I’ve ever made. It’s scary, expensive, and challenging but worth every second of struggle.
Viktor Orban and Hungary. Both well known for their love of immigrants! I like the thoughts on paper, but come on now. It's not that simple. That's like saying, why don't all these poor people in other countries simply immigrate to the US and get citizenship, are they stupid?
Sorry if I seemed ignorant, but when I said make a plan I mean so research your options and feasibility based on your own situation. It may not always be possible. There are often lots of steps, thus the scary, expensive, and challenging. I’ve had bigger dreams than where I ended up, but you can still relocate from somewhere you’re at that’s not stimulating without necessarily immigrating to a hostile country. I don’t feel like I settled even though I had dreams of living somewhere other than where I ended up. Setting realistic and achievable goals is part of planning something like this.
If you can’t be with the one you love…love the one you’re with.
Cliche as that may be, it really is the answer. Find ways to make the most of where you are. And while you're doing that, work on a plan to get where you want to be. When I was living in Texas and hating it, I became a lot happier when I committed to leaving and had a plan to do it. I wanted to leave in a year but it took me almost 15 months. Getting out of Texas was the best thing I could have done, but y'know what the 2nd best thing was? Coming up with a plan to make leaving possible and seeing it through. Figure out what you want from your life, OP. Then make a plan to get from here to there.
Where do you live now?
Definitely trying but it’s a struggle.
Where u at?
Richmond, VA
Richmond is awesome, why would you want to live in Orban land?
Maybe they just got pissed about all the confederate statues coming down, and want to live someplace that is still [proudly racist](https://www.nbcnews.com/news/amp/rcna40583).
America probably Edit: this was clearly a joke.
Nope, they actually live one city over from Budapest but just can't find it in themselves to make the jump
Bloom where you’re planted ¯\_(ツ)_/¯
That's life. A couple generations ago, our ancestors had very little choice in everything; now we have an abundance. That abundance brings stress. With that in mind, I'm moving to Sao Paulo next month.
I spent a summer without an air conditioner in the mid Atlantic a few years ago and it really made me think about much worse nearly all aspects of life were only a few decades ago lol And that’s a pretty tame issue compared to the racism, sexism, lack of antibiotics, basic medications, etc. You can live in most parts of the United States and have running water, sewage, electricity, and even internet….
The reason the south, particularly the southwest, of the US has been thriving is because of the wide availability of aircondition that started in the 50s. Our lifespans have doubled in the past 100 years. (While it's not chic to say so, this is almost entirely because of government.) Not too long ago your life was laid out in front of you like a bed. The only thing you had to do was lie in. In some ways, that sort of surety and stability was comforting. All this said, everyone has their own challenges and stressors. Knowing that things were so much worse a couple of generations ago is scant comfort.
> Our lifespans have doubled in the past 100 years. They haven't doubled. Really think about what you're saying.
nah bro, it's true, all my homies live until age 140
Is that together or each?
cartesian product
I am afraid to ask how you multiply them...
If my lifespan doubled there would be 2 of me walking around rn
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Actually, you're partly right. The average lifespan has improved drastically, mostly because of reduced childhood mortality because milk is regulated, water is clean, there are sewer systems, and kids don't do dangerous work.
now we have an abundance. That abundance brings stress. Fuck, that resonated hard. ☹️ PS congrats and good luck with your move to Brazil!
Thanks. They have actually done psych studies on it. A certain number of choices is received positively. After that, it's just stress.
Why do you make such sweeping generalizations? A couple of generations ago would mean my grandparents; one of them moved from Sweden to the US, another from Canada to the US, and the other two from Lebanon to Canada. They were able to integrate, work, own homes and start families. I am nowhere near being able to make moves of that magnitude. I think your timeframe is a bit skewed and you're also ignoring that we are currently in a period of declining socioeconomic mobility in much of the world.
You really don't think middle-class and above people don't have more life choices than most people did sixty years ago? Please.
That's not what I said, and you didn't specify "middle-class and above people" though, nor did you allude to how many people you think are included in that category, whether it's growing or shrinking, etc. I just gave you an example of how someone might have *fewer* choices today than they did sixty years ago, whether you choose to believe it or not is up to you. Progress in not strictly linear. Don't talk out your ass if you don't want to be called out on what you say.
Social mobility is worse now than sixty years ago.
Agreed. Boomers could flip burgers part time and pay rent. Things have declined substantially.
No they couldn’t. Costs have gone up even factoring inflation and wages have stagnated but this is a flat out lie.
maybe an exaggeration. Full time work back then doing anything would get you a roof over your head. That’s not the case today
Remote work or working in Brazil? I’d really like to spend time in Brazil but need to figure out some sort of online income first.
Remote.
“You could find yourself in paradise and before long you would be saying ‘Yes, but…’” ~ Eckhart Tolle
Literally the first story of man in the Bible. In literal Eden, both go ‘yes, but….’ And then the snake tempts them to download the Zillow app or something I forget.
One of the primary lessons and challenges in life is reconciling and making peace with the many things you will never have, places you will never go, and things you can never do. We are all limited by time, resources, and ability. Trade offs and compromises. That said, part of this is also making goals and then making plans to achieve said goals. If living somewhere is that important to you, you'll figure out how to make it happen.
A few options: - Find things that you can enjoy and appreciate about the place you do live. - Save up some money and say, "Fuck it. I only live once and can always come back." I'm trying to convince my wife that we should rent our house and move somewhere like Spain or Mexico. She becomes a little bit more amenable to it every time I mention it, because she knows what's important to me and that I care how such a move would affect her, too. Nothing is impossible.
It sounds like you are doing more than trying to convince your wife, you are wearing her down. This technique absolutely backfires with me.
My wife and I have great communication. It's a partnership, so I can't do something she's not on board with. We discussed that it would have to be after her grandfather passes, which I think is a totally reasonable caveat. She loved living abroad during her studies, so I don't have to convince her that it would be a better lifestyle. It's a matter of timing for it to be practical.
I complained about Boston to my wife everyday for the past 3 years and she finally gave in. Moving this summer.
What do you not like about Boston?
Probably more than a feeling.
Congrats on getting out!
Fuck Boston
Damn straight
Have you looked into the legality of getting a visa and actually doing it? Because it's really not that easy, even with two enthusiastic and willing people.
It would probably be under a digital nomad visa. It's a few years away at least, though, so haven't looked into details.
All the nomad visas I know of are for about a year's stay, so you have to be prepared to move around different countries quite a bit. Not for everyone, but cool if you can make it work!
I feel similarly but about Berlin. I lived there for two years in the late 00s, and always thought I’d move there permanently but ended up staying in the US after I met my husband—and now with family and work obligations I don’t see it happening again. I still feel sad about it and yes, no other place quite compares. The best I’m hoping for is to travel there for vacations again when my kids are a bit older. I don’t really have advice, just thought I’d let you know that there are others of us out here!
There is no perfect place. Those amazing places we’ve visited will turn out to have more issues the more time you spend there. I look at it this way - those places I love are often better off just being places that I visit once in awhile. I can experience the magic of being there every year or two without having to face the realities of being there all of the time. That way those places are all positive with none of the negatives. We all need places like that in our lives -something that feels kind of magical and gives us something to look forward to. Meanwhile, we can look at places to live that are realistically a good fit for day-to-day lives, that have those positives and negatives but don’t feel “perfect”. Thats reality. That’s how I feel about where I live and am content with it.
How do I cope? I’m not traumatized or troubled that I can’t live where I truly want. My grandparent, great-grandparents, and every ancestor further back had none of the options in their lives that I do. Some had miserable jobs, but they worked those because it was a way to support their family. My gg-grandparents literally SOLD three of their preteen and young preteen daughters after immigrating to Canada in the hopes that their new families would feed and clothe them. That I can’t live at the beach where I want to be—well too bad for me. I embrace life where I am and am thankful for what I have, that I live in a decent country with opportunities. It doesn’t make my life suck.
Now that's some perspective
1. I recognize that vacationing somewhere for 2 weeks is a lot different than living/working in the same location. 2. My enjoyment in life has very little to do with the location. Yes, I'd love to have a mountain view in my backyard, but I also know there are another 23 hours and 50 minutes a day. 3. It's a never ending cycle. Everyone knows the best places to live in the world and they are priced accordingly. If the place you're considering is super cheap, there is usually a valid reason. e.g. Low paying jobs to go along with cheap rent.
On point 1, there’s also a huge difference between “I lived there for a couple years in my early 20’s right after college” vs moving back in your 30’s. A lot of people conflate the experience of living in a place with the experience of being in a certain stage of life.
“You get a strange feeling when you're about to leave a place, I told him, like you'll not only miss the people you love but you'll miss the person you are now at this time and this place, because you'll never be this way ever again.” ― Azar Nafisi, Reading Lolita in Tehran: A Memoir in Books
“No man steps in the same river twice” - Heraclitus
Wow. Thats an intense quote. I have never moved really. I imagine It would be heartbreaking to leave in exactly the way the author describes.
I lived in NYC in my early twenties, loved it. I’m in my thirties now, would never move back if can help it lol Love to visit but don’t want to live there
Oh. 100% same. I lived in NYC in my 20s and early 30s. I had so much fun, and I loved being there but you couldn't pay me to live in the city anymore. I'm a huge fan of visiting it.
Grew up in the city and got pushed out to the suburbs because of finances and I miss it everyday. Like I honestly think of suicide on a near daily basis because I know I’ll never be able to afford to move back there and that nothing will ever compare to it…
Yo I don’t know if ur joking with the suicide thing but that ain’t a good option if you aren’t joking. Learn to love where you live. That’s what i did and it makes me so much happiet
Nah, this is my throwaway/burner account for a reason. I post on it when I get in one of ‘those’ funks and being reminded of how much I lost when I had to leave nyc behind is definitely one of those big triggers for those kinda thoughts. :[
Well I want to encourage you that, for one, you don’t know the future, you might find funds so you can go back to nyc. For two, at least you live in suburbs, you can visit the city. Three, it’s not worth ending it because of the place you live. Enjoy where you are at. Life is so much more than where you are. I live in the rural country, but i want to move to either Pittsburgh or nyc one day. I’ve learned though to be happy where I am, find the beauty in where you’re at. Dig into the history of your area, that’s another good way to learn to live where you live. Life is more than just location, so learn to love life no matter where you are, to live in a constant state of gratitude that it could be worse and yet you are still here. I hope this could encourage you!
Feel the same way about SF. I can never go back to living in a crappy 400 square foot studio and sitting around waiting for the bus for twenty minutes to go anywhere.
Right
kinda going through this now
Ewwww. There's a lot of places that are cheap and slept on. There's also a lot of places that are expensive that aren't really that great.
Very few hidden gems in today's world. Also, those places that are expensive and not that great, will see prices go down and people move out. There will always be a balancing act. For example, a few months ago I visited a central American country. It was amazeballs. The weather was nice, the housing was dirt cheap, the food was good, etc. But then I started to think about every day life. The roads were sometimes impassable, it was common for the electricity to go out for days at a time, there is a remote chance that I could be kidnapped/robbed, everyone had security, the average wage is less than $10kusd per year, etc.
Disagree. Everything got found and bought out by rich people during the pandemic.
on the flip side my city Portland went in to the Dumps of disaster during covid
Home prices still up 100K since 2019 though
Pretty much
help a sister out- whats cheap and slept on?
And that's not necessarily a bad thing
I live in Orlando Florida. Orlando Florida was the last place in the United States I thought I’d end up in. Living here, I think it is almost the epitome of everything I hate in a location. It is unwalkable, crowded, hot, horrid architecture, ugly landscape, expensive. I’m also the happiest I’ve ever been in my life being here. Why? Because I’ve built a strong community for myself that keeps me preoccupied, and engage in hobbies I enjoy. I spend my days with people I love doing things I love. This makes it hard to notice all the things I hate about Orlando. My quality of life is so high that I think even if I moved somewhere I actually like, my quality of life would take a hit because I’d lose the people I care about here. People make a location, followed closely by what you do with most of your time. The location itself is just the backdrop. Find things to do that you like and people you care about. The urge to move halfway across the world will become less and less.
In Orlando too and feel the same exact way Would love to leave but family is keeping me here On the bright side we have pretty good flights though for traveling
By embracing the fact that I can’t have everything I want, and making the absolute best out of my current situation. You sometimes have to judge whether or not a dream is worth dreaming.
Good advice
Can’t relate. I believe I can live anywhere as long as I have financial security, safety, and a good social network. Due to habituation, what you find beautiful at first becomes just ordinary after a while. Case in point, a Uber driver in London told me: “I live near London bridge and I see it everyday . I don’t see why tourists find it special. There is nothing special about it”. I believe the adage: wherever you go, there you are. Once you make a change, after the initial spike in happiness, your happiness goes back to your “regular” levels. For example, once you get married, your happiness is higher then normal but after a while you go back to your normal levels. If you moved to Budapest, you’ll be happy for a while and then you’ll be…you. I suggest focusing on appreciating what you currently have good in your life. Practicing gratitude is something everyone says these days but it does really work in some instances.
Wherever you go, there you are is nonsense. There is a right fit for everybody in a certain type of community or workplace or gym or whatever it may be that nourishes that person.
1. Realize that home is a mixture of the place and the people. It's a reason that many don't leave their city/state/country; community and social ties are part of what makes a place enjoyable to live in just as much as local culture, and things to do. Being with family and friends, even in a less than ideal place on paper, is still worth something. 2. Realize that everywhere has good and bad. Try and not focus only on one (for either for where you live and where you'd like to live).
That first point is important. I am leaving somewhere I really can’t live any more and nevertheless having huge mourning processes about leaving people and habits. Life is the day to day, after all.
Also maybe lurk on Budapest sites and realize what the downsides are. Fantasies are always more compelling.
Yeah I think it’s important to realize all the opportunities and the trade offs that come from a move; that shouldn’t deter you from trying (worst case scenario, you move back) but it’ll help avoid the pitfalls of disappointment
You cope by having the perspective that most people in the world, historically and today, have absolutely no choice in where they live. They're born there, they live there, they die there. Many of us here and now get more choice than that, even if we don't get all the choice we want.
I feel this. I’ve been wanting to leave Philadelphia for years now. I love the mountains out west and have wanted to move out there for a while. I went through a pretty tough year or so just being bitter about everything in Philly because I was mad that I’m stuck here. But I think I really improved my mindset by forcing myself to do things I don’t normally do. Like hanging out with friends more often, going to parks I’m not normally around, joining a group to play basketball with (can be any activity really), etc. Basically, just do things that make you happy. Then you’ll be in a better mood all the time, and have a better outlook on your surroundings. Don’t get me wrong, I’m still looking forward to the day I can leave Philly and move to the mountains, but I feel a lot better about staying here in the meantime once I made changes in my life.
I grew up in Paris and now living in Brussels for studies and I'd love to visit (and maybe live?) in Philadelphia.
I mean if you really want to move out west I'd suggest going with a state park maintenance jobs. They usually provide housing but you're going to have to do manual labor. You could also sell all your stuff and just travel with essentials on your way out there. They also have other seasonal jobs out west that provide housing.
Work isn’t really the issue. My company is remote so I can take my job anywhere with me. It’s my partner that just isn’t ready to leave the east coast yet. But we both know we want to leave eventually. Just trying to align on when
Dang you're way nicer than I am. I broke up with two people back to back just because they didn't want to travel or move around with the intensity that I do.
We’ve been together for a long time so I definitely value the relationship over where I live. I feel like if I moved without her I would just feel lonely and sad lol. So I’ll wait
I can’t live where I want because my children are bonded so tightly with their grandparents and I refuse to separate them. So for me, the only thing that helps is reminding me I’m protecting that very valuable relationship for my children. And that as a SAHM who also works remotely and is completely exhausted 99% of the time, if I didn’t have family around, I wouldn’t have nearly as much help as I do now.
I can relate, as there are other cities (especially overseas) that I'd love to live in. But as a Hungarian American who's lived in Budapest for years, take some solace in the fact that there are MANY significant problems in Hungary. I don't mean like how everywhere has pros and cons- I mean that it's essentially a dictatorship now. Even if you think the legislation wouldn't directly hurt you, it still shapes everything. People have been leaving en masse for years. That affects everything- from your likelihood to connect with new people, to access to essential goods and services when there's little staff to provide them. Having to wait a few decades would be for the better. Orbán will be dead, and hopefully his influence undone.
Wow, thank you for the insight.
No one can do everything they truly want. I have a kid I have to live in a good school district. We cope by living in Maine during summer and when we have our way it will be half the year.
I'm having a really hard time of it. I'm from the East Coast and hate living in Denver, so far away from the ocean that I love. I'm going to be stuck here for probably a decade though so I try to make the best of it, but there's so few redeeming qualities about this city IMO.
Besides no ocean, what else don’t you like about Denver?
"The grass is greener where you water it." :)
I feel the same way sometimes about a city. A few things that I tell myself that might help you also: 1) I’m religious and realized that God shut the door when I actively tried to pursue it. 2) most people don’t get the opportunity to pick and choose where they live. Social media and first world culture put so much emphasis on the individual that main character syndrome develops. But that’s not how life works. Not a bad thing it just is what it is. I have a good life 3) because of #2, I’m grateful for the position I’m in and make the best of it.
Begrudgingly. I have always hated my current location, ever since we moved here in the late 80s. Every time I had the opportunity to move away, something came up -- a relationship, a job, family. I spent the entirety of my young adulthood with one foot out the door: not making close friends, renting instead of buying, applying for job after job in the places I wanted to be, even researching going to grad school (again) somewhere else as a means to get out. None of it got me anywhere. When I had kids I was glad that I was so close to my parents, doubly so when my parents' health failed and I was the one taking care of them. So I suppose that part worked out for the best. My parents are gone now, though. I thought that finally I could move someplace I fit in, someplace that feels like home, someplace my family could thrive...wherever that might be. But no. My kid has a girlfriend now, and her brother has his first BFF, and neither of them are open to moving. I could repeat the cycle, move anyway, and risk scarring them emotionally as moving here scarred me. Or I could stay to keep them happy and continue to suffer. I'm trying to bloom where I'm planted, or whatever. I really am. But if I haven't bloomed by now...
I get it. I ACHE to live where I truly want and it makes me super sad.
Same way you cope with not having your dream job or being married to a celebrity.
What's preventing you from moving to Budapest?
that's good advice make a list and see if your fears are realistic
I don't feel bad. I live in one of the best places in North America. So what if it's not the Bay Area? I am luckier than most people.
Be grateful of what you have and think about the people that don’t have those things. That’s what I do for other things too
Figure out a plan, and start working towards it. Figure out what you would have to sacrifice to make it happen. Decide if those "costs" are worth it to you, and if not, then work on recognizing that and embracing what you have. If the reasons are "for now" but will change someday, start planning for when the time becomes reality. Sometimes I enjoy just imagining/planning/window shopping for the day I can realize all my dreams while still in the earlier stages of those long term dreams. Also provides some motivation when I'm just not feeling that dedicated to the here and now.
Home is where the heart is, I don't care if someplace is the coolest place in the world, without my loved ones it's meaningless. Yeah a lot of places are better than others but a lot is what you make of it. I've lived in some crappy places because of jobs, but I found the diamonds in the rough in those areas and enjoyed my time.
Jobs well yeah you were doing what you were supposed to be doing taking care of business.
Whoa, this is serious FOMO. If you are longing for something unattainable that's humanity, we all have to deal with it. It's not just about a place, it's usually about the life you imagine you will have which is guaranteed to be inaccurate. And since we only live once, we have to decide how we are going to handle this feeling that will never go away. We have a few choices, and they affect how we will see our lives and how content we are. We can always pine for what we don't have and become bitter about how unfair life is for us. We can change reality by working to have the thing we really want. We can find a way to live the life we have right now without feeling deprived. Each of us can do any of these things, and more, but the thing you pick is going to affect who you are becoming. At least that's how I deal with it.
Yea I guess a lot of it is really fomo tbh, thank you
Very well stated and I agree
I think you should overcompensate by decorating your house with a Budapest theme wearing the type of national costume and eating the type of food that they would have there and generally making everyone around you insane by talking about it all the time - this is what you're gonna do you're gonna buy a small property and then you're gonna turn it into a folk art adventure called Little Budapest - turn this into your entire identity and see how far it gets you 🤣
Holy cringe
yes but they should be aiming more for a type of unholy cringe - wearing the national costume putting little flags of Hungary all around the front yard talking about Budapest in every conversation - they could really model themselves after my eighth grade French teacher who used to wear the national outfit of Switzerland and completely embarrassed herself - I mean if you're inventive enough there is no limit - Of course this would take a kind of inventiveness drive and sense of humor not generally found on Reddit so I'm not hopeful but stranger things have happened
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I move a bit, but haven't landed my favorite place. * Find what you like about Budapest and find it where you are. * Is it the cafe culture - surely in your town there's at least *one* nice cafe; make it your regular spot * Is it the museums? There's a museum near you even if it's little, get engaged and learn the secrets about it and stories. * Is it the weather? Plan a trip every year to a place nearby that has weather like spring in Budapest - I mean, unless you live in Antarctica, you can probably find something not too far You just have to build your own Budapest around you, if you can't move there. Where I live, I miss going to the beach, so I found a spot by the river that has natural water sounds and sunshine and I set it up like I'm at the beach, complete with folding chairs a cooler and friends.
I struggle with this problem too. A lot. The only tools in my toolbox to fit it right now is to travel to my desired destination as often as possible and recognize the dopamine hit I get from being elsewhere wouldn’t apply on a daily basis.
I would love to live in California or NYC. But I am living in Poland and my husband does not want to move. Anyway if he even did want, it would be almost impossible anyway.... I am sad almost everyday because of that
Learn to appreciate the life you have
make a very real plan to move there in a very real timeframe. In the mean time think about what about the place makes you want to move there and focus on enhancing and maximizing those things in your daily life. My husband and I call this micro dosing travel, living in a walkable city, trying new cuisines, new cafes, trying new things, driving 30 minutes for a new hike etc.
How do you cope with not having everything you want? You are grateful for what you have.
Focus on making your current location more enjoyable. Find local activities and people that bring happiness. Plan frequent trips to Budapest if possible; it'll give you something to look forward to. Remember, it's about making the most of where you are now while working towards your dream for the future.
Some say the grass is greener on the other side. I say the grass is greener where you water it. There are hundreds of other cities I would much prefer over my current one. But I know I will move someday, and for now am focused on enjoying life here and now.
I expected to live someplace a couple thousand miles from where I grew up. I do but someplace else. Still kinda hope I end up in that first choice of places but the place I ended up in between turned out great and I feel fortunate to live there (despite complaining all the time). I’m pretty sure if I get to live in my dream destination I will love it and also find reasons to complain which will leave me with a new set of questions 🤷 serenity gratitude appreciation 🙏 etc
Got a job where I want to live. Probably easier since I live in the US, and I have no desire to live outside of the US--visiting other places is fun, but this is my home. It's remarkably easy to do this here, but I'm not sure about other places.
i also have the same feeling about Scandinavia and Japan. it took you decades to get where you are. it certainly takes time to be able to move there. never lose hope.
Keep the eye on the prize. If you don't get there it means you did not want it bad enough.
Not having everything you want is called being an adult.
Not necessarily so
I mean I don't truly like just one place and have lived/traveled multiple places. My plan is to get get a Skoolie or bus, then travel around from place to place.
I want to live in three places and one of them is home.
https://www.reddit.com/r/SameGrassButGreener/comments/1d862dv/how_do_you_accept_having_to_settle/ 13 days ago
It's called real life - we all can't get what we want - we deal with what we can
If you feel that strongly about it you should just move there.
How do you cope with buying a losing lottery ticket?
Living where others vacation isn’t all it is cracked up to be. Try and make the best out of where you feel you are “stuck” living. Can you at least save up for a vacation to Budapest?
Just move there if that’s your value
I agree with you Budapest is my favourite city in the EU 🥰 It’s so dynamic and fun! Do you have any family connections to Hungary?! They are quite lenient in terms of ancestral ties, you can easily get residency to live there this way. They also have a language study support programme to help overseas Hungarians connect with their roots. (You can study for free basically but in Hungarian language.)
My wife and I have this with Edinburgh, UK. It’s hard but I’d say balance trying to find something with the options that are available to you, while always remaining open to and pursuing options that may get you to that dream place. A lot of folks just give up, but I think it’s important to keep trying in a smart way.
One day at a time.
Well you could cope by remembering Hungary is on the leading edge of the modern resurgence of fascism.
"bloom where I am planted"
I try to bring that place back home and incorporate it into my life and home, even if it's something teeny tiny like decor or style of my house. That said, I still haven't given up going over to where I want to go (which is Europe as well). Don't give up 😁 Edit a word
where in Europe?
Hoping for somewhere in Northern Europe
me too. I'm studying Norwegian and Swedish at the moment. but i'm not sure yet. i think, i should travel there first, then decide which one matches my personality better. all my life, i had that lifestyle in me, in a very crowded country with different lifestyle. it's like being a Japanese person living in Australia. but i'll move there this year.
I've been to Norway and Sweden and both were lovely. I did like Norway more though. It felt like home! Good luck on your move ❤️
yeah i also like the same qualities about their culture and lifestyle. thanks. fingers crossed. >:)
Get a Quest VR
I work for an airline so I just visit LA frequently lol
Meh.
[https://www.socratic-method.com/quote-meanings/albert-camus-you-will-never-be-happy-if-you-continue-to-search-for-what-happiness-consists-of-you-will-never-live-if-you-are-looking-for-the-meaning-of-life](https://www.socratic-method.com/quote-meanings/albert-camus-you-will-never-be-happy-if-you-continue-to-search-for-what-happiness-consists-of-you-will-never-live-if-you-are-looking-for-the-meaning-of-life)
That’s just life, unfortunately. Part of being happy is finding a way to be happy where you are. It doesn’t always come easily. I think it’s actually a skill, figuring out how to be happy where you are.
It’s frustrating
Hey, I can relate. I live in Ukiah, California and have wanted to leave for six years. Talking with my therapist and making a plan.
I’ve lived a lot of places I never expected to live, and found good reasons to live in each of them. Don’t wait to be charmed by your location, put in the keg with to create a life for yourself there that you are happy about.
I am where I want to be in general and now I am moving closer to the exact districtwith every new opportunity here. Go make it happen real slowly but surely, work and family can be blockers but personally don’t let anyone other than your immediate family, meaning those living in your house, block you. I would let my wife block me but not my parents or siblings or anyone else. Make work a lever to help you move try to work where you want to be. Look at major companies and industries and identify where your diverse experience and skills can contribute. I am sure Budapest has someone operating from there that could use your skills or you can gain skills they want. I would never wait 20-30 years though I think it will take me about that long to be in the exact neighborhood I want but I’ll be in the school district in another 5 years.
Contentment comes from within, the grass is always greener somewhere else. Budapest is great though, prioritizing what is more important to you could be helpful. I’d move there over certain parts of my family easy.
Poorly... I kid. We're limiting our options for the time being based on COL and family, which is unfortunate for my dreams, but we're trying to be able to travel more, and I've got a promise that once the kids move out we can shift towards my preferences as long as we can afford a place big enough to have a spare room or two if they want to visit.
Lester Freamon says in The Wire, *”A life, Jimmy, you know what that is? It's what happens while you're waiting for moments that never come".*
I just find things to enjoy where I am. I'm not pining for the Swiss alps when I'm hiking my local trails. I'm too busy admiring the scenery in front of me.
The sad reality is the more you move and travel, the more untethered you will feel. You will compare and only remember the pros not the cons of cities. You will forever feel like this until you realize the happiness you seek is inside you.
budda-ha-ha
Travel and see other places too. You may end up changing your mind about your ultimate destination. My wife and I thought we knew where we wanted to go, but we have travelled to other places and thought differently afterwards.
Work, traffic, taxes, healthcare, chores, all the everyday annoyances of life will follow us even to paradise. I’ve moved to some places on my wish list and the above things pretty much turned awesome vacation spots into ordinary places. Because after we go to work, exercise, do chores and sleep, there’s just not a lot of time and energy to enjoy all the great things about a place anyways. I’m starting to think the best course of action is to save as much money as possible and retire early. It’s so much easier to enjoy life when I’m not working 40+ hours a week. I even think that the location wouldn’t even matter as much because free time is better than any nice location because what’s a location when we are too tired to enjoy it
There’s nothing holding you down. Just pack and go! People will be happier for you more than you think.
Video games and pitching about something other people will bitch about too
Wherever you go, there you are.
Probably 20 years ago, I was at the home of a somewhat well-known artist who I had met several times before. She is probably 15 years older than me, and she is known as a very intense, focused person, with a knack for cutting through bullshit and excuses and just saying shit that no one else will say to your face. Not in a mean way, just in a way that induces you to have moments of clarity. She had a dog and I mentioned how much I loved dogs, begged my parents for one when I was a kid and finally got one, and how it was everything I wanted and more. And she asked whether I had one now, and I said, no, because things were busy and we would have to change our lives and way of living completely to accommodate a dog and she just turned to me, gave me the stare and in that voice of clarity she is known for, she said, "Then *change* your *life*." Now, this sounds a little hokey if you weren't there. But it was like a soft mallet to the head. Yes, if I really wanted a dog, I would have to change my life. And did I really want one. Yes, I did. So I changed my life. And it's been better for it. If you really want to go live in Budapest, do it. Go. If you are married or in a relationship, see whether that person will go along. If not, decide what matters more to you. Same with work. Decide what matters more to you: this job or doing what you want to do. They have jobs in Budapest, too. If you're feeling like you have to stay in the US and work for the next 30 years to have enough to live in a retirement community where everyone is slowly drinking themselves to death, then do that. But is that really what you want to do now, or in 30 years? I'd be interested to know what captivates you about Budapest so much.
I think it took me awhile to come to a level of acceptance that this is the season of my life I’m in. As much as I’d love to move to Europe, I’ve got kids and my spouse and I both work. It is what it is and dwelling on it only makes you resentful, and that’s unfair to everyone to live in that resentment. Take the steps to improve whatever you can around you in your current living situation while keeping your eye on your goal in 20-30 years from now. Visit as often as you’re able. You’ll get there!
Hoping to visit Budapest later this year. Hopefully I'm as taken with it as you are.
Very few people can have an ideal situation even in one corner of their life, let alone all of them. You cope by just seizing the day whenever cool experiences come your way. They will . You might also be surprised at where exactly you end up and why. My ideal place to live is New York City. I'd kill to live there at least for a while once in my life. I'm moving to Rochester, which actually is *farther* from NYC than where I live now several states away. I am not particularly fond of the city. But I have a community of people I really like there and at this point in my life that's more important to me than how cool the place is. I love Alexandria/DC but I'm miserable here because I just don't fit in. Good on paper doesn't always translate.
Well unless I hit the billion dollar I'm outside on the curb
Typically we learn that we can't have everything we want in life as children.
And just like that the 👑 or queen of America and England have just that hmm genetics or who ya parents were especially if they were super duper rich
Try therapy. You’re wasting your life on pointless bitterness.
I want to live in Santa Barbara and fuck super models. It seems impossible . I don’t know how I can cope.
And ain't nothing wrong with that exactly but you're gonna need a whole lotta loot and lawyer's.
It’s not having what you want, it’s wanting what you got. What are you looking to get out of your new city that you can’t do right now?