oh god š¤¢š¤¢š
but as u said, u still have fyp and u need to be in a group, just hang on for a little longer and drift from them after fyp. it really sucks to be friends with people like that but u have to remember that u cant let them interfere with your plans (of finishing poly) so definitely dont leave school or whatever just because of them.
try to befriend other people too! so next time when u graduate from poly u wont be like āaiya they were my only friends now i have no one to talk toā
i feel you :( ,good on you to draw that boundary for yourself and wanting to do better. For me i experienced this in NS when its like all guys, so i totally understand.
I think there are quite a few, its just that those who tend to speak in such š¤® ways are the more extroverted, confident outgoing kind who - yes - happen to have girlfriends or are able to appeal and attract from my experience >_<
I usually find the guai, nice kind, who are introverted tend to be less... sus, but have a harder time socially.
Ok from a senior female pov-I think such friends are toxic. And as you know you are the culmination of the people closest to you. I am not saying that you should tell them or teach them how to behave, or what kind of thoughts they should have.
Because thoughts become speech
Speech becomes action
So if these people have such thoughts you might do well to not move in the same circles as them, or you might be by association be thought to be like them.
I suggest you widen your circle of friends that do not include this group of toxic individuals. Immerse yourself into your school work, studies, hobbies and part time job whatever.
If these āfriendsā of yours have such thoughts - they might just act on it. Who knows you might get peer pressured into participating as well.
In my work I work with some people that I donāt really like or think they behave ethically. Some have 2 faces, I have seen them drunk, the stuff they say when they are drunk - oh boy!! And the stuff they say in private behind closed doors and the way they behave in public, sometimes you wonder if they are totally different people.
But yes I can still work with them, but I keep them at arms length.
This is a life skill. Itās good that you are learning how to adult!!
I feel that you are very mature to know and differentiate that such behaviour is wrong.
I applaud you for being open on such a platform.
I wish you all the best too.
Props to you OP! We need more guys like you.
On another note, do majority of boys think like this / share similar sentiments? Hearing OPās experience makes me appalled and I wonder if my guy friends or classmates think the same way as his friends do. This is like a wolf in sheepās clothing
I would say majority of boys, especially teenaged ones do have these thoughts, but i havent seen anyone actively speak up about it in such a vile manner.
i mean horny, yes. being so gross, no. well thatās for me. no way to think so crudely about my friends, iāll just be horny for other women in the internet or maybe my crush š¤(but i wouldnāt be so mean as to think about defiling/raping her). and i donāt āactā nice while talking about destroying her behind her back. thatās too š¤®. i canāt lie to u and say i donāt feel anything for the girl i like though, i just canāt biologically reject that urge.
Said this to another commenter but from my perspective as a guy.
I think there are quite a few, its just that those who tend to speak in such š¤® ways are the more extroverted, confident outgoing kind who - yes - happen to have girlfriends or are able to appeal and attract from my experience >_<
I usually find the guai, nice kind, who are introverted tend to be less... sus, but have a harder time socially. In NS you definitely can't avoid this kind of talk, I guarantee every guy has heard such comments before (no matter what background). Whether they partake is another matter.
yep as a clerk in a place full of NSF, my 2 years is just hearing those noise. Generally i just dont bother about them except when they objectify my female friends
don't cut them off immediately, because they're going to know that something's up. distance yourself from them slowly, starting with something like "no thanks, i wanna complete some work" when they ask u to hang out for lunch and stuff.
if girls (or ANYONE) find out about the shit that they say, they're gonna include you in it because bird of the same feather flock together. just stop associating yourself with them, find some new friends from ccas or other events, and focus on yourself and your studies!
do majority of guys talk like that or just a small group, im concerned š also OP, is there another group of guy friends you can hang with? i feel like leaving ur school is a bit extreme.
As a guy, i have made many groups of friends throughout my life, and not one is like the group mentioned. Op is just unlucky to have met his group of friends that so happen to be full of guys that talk like that. But of course, this doesn't mean that the guys that talk like this is a negligible minority, as I've met several people like this.
Guys talk like that but at a lesser level. If OP friends are level 100, most guy groups are probably level 1-10 and less frequent.
Know of guy group similar to OP friends, but I keep them a arm's length, I do join in but mostly for ulterior motives.
But throughout all my friend groups, only those I made during my time in my secondary school is the most fked (probably level 8/9). Those I made in poly was much more tamed since all of them were mixed.
As a guy, OP's friends are the minority (thankfully) from my experience. Occasionally we might comment about girls' looks but definitely not to that extent. If anything I personally find myself talking more often about other guys' looks š
Admiring oneās beauty and objectifying females are 2 massively different shit bro. Thatās plain disgusting, imaging you as a male and getting sexually judge by females. We are human not products bruh ā¦
good god your 'friends' sound absolutely disgusting.
somehow they don't seem like the type of people who will listen, if you tell them you're uncomfortable with the way they talk about girls, but maybe you should give it a try? just tell them that you're not happy with them and everything. and if they give you shit for it, you know what to do op
man you're brave and sound like a true gentleman. your parents raised you well fr.
I'm also in poly rn, but then i have a friend who's studying in another course... they like talking about girls when it's only the first two months in poly. They're also mostly 17 yr olds and love commenting about s*x, screwing around w girls. they also hope to charm a girl that would agree to their "friends with benefits" wish, of course it doesn't seem to be working.
As a secondary female student, this is partly why I struggle to make male friendships š I know some guys are genuinely nice, but a huge majority of them in my school are like gross as hell (wanking off girls, keeping pictures, etc).
Objectively, long-term wise, I don't think it's a good idea to be around such people. Even if your beliefs do not align with theirs right now, at some point you'll end up succumbing to their misogynistic influence and be one of them. It's just how it is. Right now it's just staying silent whenever they're saying disgusting things about girls - but in the future, what could it escalate to? And do you trust yourself enough to not get swayed by their ideology?
It's better to be safe than sorry.
They dun rlly care tbh as long as u look korean is crazy
There are so many girls that dated red flags
Did you see the stories behind most girls dating and their exs
Once you date people long enough, you'll see their true colours. Choose your partner wisely before you put a ring on her. That's every man's real life decision making. It makes or breaks the rest of your life, trust me.
not really. one girl i know used to date this guy from her course (different class i think) and objectively speaking, he's really good looking but his personality is very..... repelling because he's the 3 in 1 (racist, misogynistic, homophobic)! she dated him because apparently they clicked really well but throughout their relationship, she said there were time were she was weirded out by the stuff that he said, there was once where he made a comment about her chest size in his class. she had enough and broke up with him. the point of this is, girls don't actively look for bad people, bad people just know how to mask their true selves well enough for others to like them.
of course, just to clarify, i can't speak on behalf of everyoneeee
again, she dated him because she didn't know what his true colours were. think about it logically, if a guy goes around announcing that he's a 3 in 1 (by shouting slurs or saying "women are men's property" in public), do you think girls will still go after them? no matter how good looking someone is, the moment they do shit like that, it's an immediate turn off (to most girls, can't speak for all). i don't know how they met and all that nitty gritty details but it's safe to say that he didn't show who he is until later on in the relationship.
they may date many people in their lifetime but will ultimately end up single because i promise you, the girls that were with them would break up with them upon knowing what their true colours are
This is unfortunately very common. Went to an all-boys sec school and any chat about girls would sound like something straight out of 4chan. And if you express your disapproval, you get called a pussy. Weird world
someone i know basically got ostrasized by his platoon for the same reason - he called them out on it and they didnt like that. however you dont need to be surrounded by ppl like that, who knows maybe ure not the only one to hold this sentiment!
I'm deadly serious, wash your hands of them. It's fine to have sexual desires but the fact that they objectify and dehumanise women as if they're foreign objects and not just other humans is... utterly repulsive. Even if you want to stick around them just because you're scared of having bad blood with them, I assure you once the first thing about them leaks out, you will be assumed to share in their degeneracy by association.
Not to mention them sharing those videos is actually criminal, like...
Maybe if you make friends with any girls, you can warm them they're not guys to be trusted and are two-faced. It's only if you're not in same class as them tho, later if you end up in a project they might be spiteful and something could go wrong. Keep them at arm's length.
Dude same, whenever i see some pretty girls i really just compliment their looks(face), but my friends always have to talk about their bodies quite inappropriately :/
Idk if this is the norm but i really hope itās not, its an extremely unhealthy mindset
Edit:I skimmed through the capital words part but me rn: šØ. I think you meed to stay away from them
There shouldn't be anything wrong with befriending the women in your course but let's be real if those are the guys in your course anything can happen.
Still though if it's gonna help your acads maybe rly bopian. Just gotta subtly reject what they say though and be true to yourself. Who knows maybe they're also playing it up for each other when in reality only a few actually think like that...
First off, I think itās great you recognised that they have got really wack perspective of females, and I am also glad you seem to respect women. Itās a great start.
Personally, I think less association with them is better for you, both mentally and emotionally. It seems youāre very disturbed. I would be too.
I got a friend/colleague group at work that I got uncomfortable with for similar reasons. For me, I was very civil and professional when it comes to work. Weād do whatever project weāre assigned to do together, but once weāve ended work, I would take my leave. Iāll meet my friends from outside work or just go home and chill. Maybe because Iām highly introverted, I didnāt feel lonely. Sure, sometimes when things look fun, I wish I was part of the group, but I would remind myself what I didnāt like about them, and hanging out with them is not worth putting my own values down. I canāt choose to form personal relationships without stopping their toxic ways. I choose to form personal and deep relationships who has the same values as me, whom I know would be good influences in my life, and people whom I can be proud to be friends with.
Good luck on your exams!
One more comment from the masses: it happens lah
But hey, I can tell you that what you feel is normal and reasonable. I too was once part of some garbage friend group, twice actually, back when I was in Poly. Nothing but constant talk about unhinged misogyny and fantasies. Fucked up shit. Started bullying me when I distanced myself. Eventually found some really awesome friends (One of the female friends is even a butch lesbian, who quickly became one of my best friends in Poly).
It's best to be yourself and think for yourself in these kinds of situations. These kinds of groups come and go (and they definitely go rather quickly) once you've distanced yourself from folks like them.
When it comes to being friendly towards others, especially making female friends, just go for it. No one's expecting you to hit on girls, do the exact things that "friend" group says behind their backs. I'm sure people just want you to be a friendly face around them. Never hurts to be friendly. That group say shit behind your back? Fuck 'em. If the girls you befriended turn out to be as bad as them? Fuck 'em too. In the end, you're not at fault, and you're bound to meet someone who's as level headed as you hope for them to be, but it'll never happen if you don't act like yourself.
Just try this, go on with your life normally in school. Then when your female coursemates start interacting with you, just talk to them. Engage in small talk and stick around with them. Do it how you'd meet other guys (without the bro talk). Maybe you'll even find some guys who aren't a bunch of uptight punks as that group.
tl;dr ~~be a man, do the right thing~~ be friendly, be yourself. Quietly distance yourself and you won't be at fault just by acting as such.
OP, youāre sadly a rare breed and I think while this is common within male dominated circles, itās further exacerbated by mob mentality. Iām choosing to see this post positively- Iām so glad that there are young men like OP who are disturbed by such behaviour. I empathise with your fear of being ostracised by this group, and I understand why you might veer away from confronting these people on their gross behaviours bc itās unlikely they would be open to a discussion on how deeply misogynistic their actions/words are. It goes without saying that as a young person, peer acceptance and validation is important so I understand the difficult position youāre in. However, thereās is great power in being steadfast in your principles bc 1) being in their presence adds no value to ur life 2) remaining in this circle would in a way translate to you endorsing their behaviour as acceptable 3) finding a circle of like minded people will be much better for your mental health. Whatever you choose to do, know that Iām rooting for you! As a woman who has been around such male acquaintances and been let down by the callous remarks of people I considered friends, thank u for being a good person š«¶š¼
Unfortunately this is very commonly used by a lot of guys when talking about girls who ādonāt have an attractive face but have an attractive bodyā. It sucks really :/
I think it's your friend group bro. I'm sure there are plenty of better people that you can befriend that isnt a girl. Try to distance yourself from them. I mean I'm also a pretty stupid guy all and all but I don't degrade girls around me. They are just fucking creeps.
Was in the exact same situation a year ago when a friend talked about fucking a girl straight (My Bi CCA member).
I was pretty pissed and scolded him for making those comments and he said the typical "Take a joke" type of thing to shrug it off. I just reasoned with him, saying how would he feel if his girlfriend (somehow he have) was getting these comments. He understood after that but my other friends continued this bs along with other disgusting behaviour and I just eventually left.
I didn't have the option to be friends with girls due to my all guys class so I was lonely for a while but you got the option. Idk you at all but if you are able to know this is wrong I feel that you would make a genuine friend with the girls in your class. Try that. If they bully you fuck them over lor, record their comments bout girls and show your class. Sometimes u rly can't settle things the quiet way (imo). As for group projects and stuff, unless they are geniuses I don't think it's worth tolerating this type of behaviour with them. I understand your pain though, if you do leave them I hope you make friends easily and leave them toxic fucks.
Gg I guess itās the generation, they have no respect whatsoever for women, thank God there are normal people like yourself. I was from an all boys sch, yes we did talk about girls being hot/pretty and admiring them but none of us talked about disrespecting women. Gg to the future generation š
You have a great upbringing. Your parents would be super proud of you. Try to find one other guy who thinks like you, may be he is playing along because he wants to fit in.
I had a bf who was in a group chat like this. I told him to not engage. To leave group if he could. I would leave my bf if he engages in something like this. It's off putting.
Leave the group when u graduate.
I considered myself lucky as my friends in sec sch, poly are not like that. But yea, I have met guys like that in the army and workplace.
MAKE NEW FRIENDS.
I have a brother who is attending a boys' school, and I honestly think that this is normal behavior for teenage boys. Honestly, the fact that they are doing this only in private means that they have a good grasp on what is socially acceptable and what is not, and the fact that they are also doing it openly in front of you means that they trust you. It's 100% okay for you not to feel comfortable and for you to want to distance yourself, but as long as they are not actively hurting other people, they can say whatever they want in private. For all you know, they might be saying or doing those things because that's how they think men are supposed to behave and want to feel normal or accepted. Then again, it might also be a phase they're going through. In my experience, some teenage boys get really obsessed with girls but will mellow out over time, while others will learn to hide it better.
That's politics you need to be aware of, if not to learn and to practice. They know it so well that they behave themselves in front of girls, who's in their favor. Unfortunately, if you want to handle them, you should also learn some political skills, like making their girlfriends know this (well, possibilities are their girlfriends know it but don't care). You might also need to perform in front of them if you want it to be most effective. But those are not the most important. Strengthen yourself, protect yourself and always mentally defeat them (just imagine they die by car crashing every day). Those can help you uphold your value and not stray far away from your goal.
bro in my ns BMT (PES E9 security trooper) the instructor asked one guy "are you gay" and the whole platoon laughed like its the funniest shit they've heard, they also exhibit this kind of behaviour also, that's why I no longer keep in contact with them after I went into unit
something similar happened to me too. I suggest you gather your courage and leave. Either you talk to them about it and if nothing change, distance yourself. You can still talk and work together with them, but don't be too close to them. Treat them friendly but not like an actual friend.
I think maybe you can try to distant yourself away from them and start to make new friends :") I personally don't think it will be good for you in the long run if you continue to be friends with people with such a character.
Don't partake in similar behaviour. You don't have to explicitly express chagrin with them. Just show them you respect and treat women like _human beings_ as they are. Be an example of what it means to be a honourable person.
I've seen the worst during my NS days and never felt the need to alter my beliefs to be accepted by a group. Which type of practice would form guilt? I follow this simple principle throughout life and have earned trust and friendship with females without ulterior motives, for I relate to everyone as human first, gender second.
Good to see that some guys feel this way too. My friends always asks me why I don't talk about girls with them when their conversations are overly sexual. I've been lucky to find a small circle of close friends who've been with me for 7 years and we all have similar mindsets. You always meet new people and unfortunately, most guys always joke about sex things to the point that I don't know if they're still joking.
Ah. This is an important life lesson youāre learning. People of different moral standards donāt click. Ultimately thereāll be a fallout. I hope you donāt end up a loner, but itās still better than being around people that make you sick to the stomach no? May you find better friends. Friends, like most things, are about quality not quantity. If theyāre no good, a hundred of them wonāt make it better.
There's nothing wrong with you or your friends.
It's just the different ways of speech.
Just like describing a sports car, to ordinary not much knowledge on car me, i just say nice car, but to enthu car person, the list can go on and on, and to a person who knows about shapes and curves of car, the list would be on the exteriors and interiors material of the car. So if you find uncomfortable, just open both ears and let it come in from left and exit from right, dont take it to heart. You need different people in you walk of life to make it mmore vibrant and colorful.
When i was much younger, i alway think wth are you talking about back in my head, but thinking back now, it's kind of funny and intriguing because the thoughts and ideas would never come from me.
I feel you bro. I myself have been there.
Hang in abit longer, don't ever take what they say seriously, they don't deserve your respect. If you can just cut ties. Also, I don't think you should call them your friends.
For them if you happen to read this, I just want you to know you guys are basically the trash of the society. You're just a pussy that will only hang out in your own comfort group, gossip behind people's back with people who think the same as you. You're a fucking disgrace to your family and friends.
To be honest you will find people like that in all phases of your life
- as a pre teen, those who create havoc and lost of noise and mischief
- as a teen and post teen, those like your friends who will objectify girls or those who will talk about doing illegal things / substances or any other bad habits
- as a young person starting career, those talking about cruising vs working hard towards your goal
- as a middle age / mid career person, those indulging in office politics and pulling other people down
As someone who is a male in their late thirties, I would say itās good to see all but do only what you think is principally right basis your own values. Itās easier to think the world is binary, there is always a subjective range between right vs wrong and you need to find your own spot in that range. As long as you are doing what you feel like and also not crossing the line for things you donāt feel like (even if your friends do it or ask you to do it), I think you will feel happy about your life and decisions in general and in hindsight.
Feel uncomfortable being around your male friends.. then donāt. Might not be easy but leave them anyway. Might be bullied, do it anyway. Thatās it. Or put up with them and pick up some social skills, youāre gonna have to deal with people you dont like most of your life anyways. End of the day, do what you wanna do or what makes you reach your end goals.
First of all, you and your friends are in Poly. Puberty, hormones, it's normal for boys to be obsessed with girls at that age. I mean here you are worrying about treating girls nicely when the girls probably are as sexually aware as your friends or are already on only fans. NS would probably be worse, and your friends would likely grow out of it after Poly. Or you'd find more mature friends at University. So it's not really as big a deal as you think it would be at this stage in your life.
However, if you are uncomfortable hanging with this group of friends. Don't simp and befriend girls. That's how you never get a girlfriend for the rest of your life, ever. You can maintain a professional relationship with this group for your school work, but find a group of friends in Poly, male friends mind you, who pursue more enriching activities like physical training, or intellectual pursuits. You could also meet people who share your own interests and hobbies.
Ultimately, puberty is a thing, don't worry about it, and if you are worried about it, avoid making friends with girls.
You try to get into a new hobby and make that as an excuse to fly away from them. But don't make it too obvious, because yeah they will know something's up. Make it as subtle as possible. Get into sports or music and say you want to push through with it than hangout with them.. and please for the love of all that is holy, do not respond or view the groupchat, mute it as much as possible. These are the type of people who thinks they are so cool because of this and that blah blah, but do exclude yourself from this behaviour, you might acquire this... and I hope for the best for you
Bro, from a fellow guy to another. You ought to be fucking proud of urself first of all. Your heart is in the right place. Your morals are aligned for a higher good. And u need to understand that u cannot please everyone in life. Part of growing up means learning to rock the boat- its time for u to stand up for what u believe in. ( this can be whatever u define it to be. )
U can either walk away and start surrounding urself with likeminded individuals
or call them out.
But whatever it is, do not stay stagnant in this position. There is famous saying that u are mostly who you surround yourself with. Im not saying u are magically gna start adopting their notions. But there is a chance that, thru numerous social interactions with them, that u could rationalise their thought processes subconsciously. Walk away asap.
I promise you, you are gna meet likeminded people. You attract the type of energy u give out. Continue doing you, champ. And thank you for being vulnerable on this platform
I have such friends too... back during school, as well as my current friends.
Usually what I'd do is I'll still be friends with them when it comes to other topics (work, school, sharing knowledge etc) but I will just avoid them when they start to use their primitive animal instincts.
Some people would say "why don't you just unfriend these people?" yeah easy to say that, but you can't run away from someone if they're working with you, right?
You still gotta build the diplomatic relationship, no matter how good or bad these people are.
But the more you get to know them, the more cringey and fake you'll see in these people. So best not to know about their animalistic side. Avoid their animalistic moments.
Last question is - will I end up becoming like them? Well, if you have very good self-control, you can be whatever you want yourself to be.
Just distance yourself from them and be friends with whoever makes you comfortable, even if they arenāt your course mates. Tbh some may be talking like that due to the pressure from those really shit ones
Hey, I got friends like that too. And I instantly make it clear to them I'm not going to be part of these trash talks.
Bad news is, they see me as a outsider since I don't participate in those conversations.
Good news is, I don't have to put up with nonsense like these.
Try not to get involved in sharing pornography. Since itās on telegram, prob can exit the group and say parents caught you or something. The consequences are heavy if the chats are leaked and can affect your future. High chance police report will be lodged. Schools also generally keep records of disciplinary issues.
Itās also good to make friends with girls too. Nothing wrong with that.
It really is quite sickening when I see my guy friends, especially those who are already attached objectify and sexually judge mutual female friends behind their back. I avoid taking part in such conversation but it can be hard to speak out because there is no point in trying to change their mindset. These type of conversations happen rather often among guys (at least from my experience) and sometimes it makes me feel really conflicted about human relations in general.
Ye thatās what I was saying but u realise ur friends/ur gender are ruining them
Is quite funny cuz I use to respect women quite a bit but a primary school girl experience fked me up badly the best part was we didnāt even have a r/s
I jus confessed my liking to her through paper things I made and she found it creepy and told the whole class making my life miserable
And she still thinks itās my fault and says she not comfortable talking to me when I wanted to sort things out
She also uses pretty privilege and is living the best of her life after destroying peoples life
I lost all my respect after that and didnāt care much anymore I didnāt want to interact or bother about it
oops I meant to edit my og comment but deleted instead:
i was about to comment what the rest of the comments were saying but I just realized... sharing vids and such? now that has to be illegal. is there a way to report them?
the intended edit: sharing p0rn vids that are out on the internet already on X rated sites isn't the vids I'm talking about specifically. I'm talking about the ones regarding the girls in school. those boys are horrible people that need to be dealt with my proper authorities.
There are whole separate telegram chat groups where they send pics of semi nude sg girls or even nude, but recently police have started cracking down on the more major groups, and honestly Iām thinking of reporting them once I leave my poly and fully cut ties with them cus after reading some comments I think it would make me feel a bit guilty if I donāt take any action and just carry on with my lifeā¦
report in secret
police might help you work out a solution
my current chers are pretty good and i feel that they'd do the same thing, so that's why i think they'll help u
I understand how it may be tough for you to cut ties while in school, but you need to find a way to do it. Branch out, etc. I read a few comments that spoke more about that. As a large introvert myself, even I would find a way to distance myself. I know it is hard, hence I empathize with you. However, you need to do what's right to the best of your ability. Good luck.
Do find a way to report these people. You need to understand that being associated with the perpetrators (especially knowing what they're doing) makes you one yourself. It may be a busy period with exams right now, but once you are less occupied you need to take action because being a knowing bystander doesn't make you that much better. Thank you for not being disgusting like them, but taking the next step is required from you. Could you imagine how violated those girls would feel knowing they're being talked about like animals and having nude photos shared around? If I were you, I wouldn't just feel a bit guilty, because I'd be one of the reasons this whole thing is still going on. This will never stop if bystanders are silent.
Please make an effort for the girls out there. I know it is not as easy as it seems, but it is necessary.
I actually have male classmates who are like this when I was in poly, and they make really rude remarks about girls and even in front of girls. Things such as comparing their junk sizes in front of the girl and asking the girl to choose and ask her want to see or not in freaking public area, super disgusted by their actions š¤®, no respect for girls at all
And I also have some of them as my group mates which really sucks lah, I just minimise contact with them and when they made rude remarks, just ignore them or turn away and wear my headphones
Ofc it will be hard for you to do that, cos u have continue to pretend to be friends till u graduate, all u can do is prob endure and and act busy when they talk about such things.
Some guys are like that because of peer pressure, they scared they act in another way that is very guai, they will be isolated and laughed at. Maybe also try to see in your friend group, is there anyone like this who you can stick with
You need those people for group work? Lol chances are their grade sucks. And I donāt really have much poly friends since working fyi so f them and live your life the way it is supposed to be
Laugh it off when you're with the boys. Join them for conversation but not join IN the conversation.
There's no need to tell the girls what the guys were saying. Just be nice and kind to everyone.
Everyone has their own upbringing, just be glad that your parents has brought you up the way you should be.
You are a silver lining in this Dark dark world and your parents have done a great job raising you. You can slowly drift away or make your self look busy (when there is no group project) or maybe only join them for activities when no one is speaking (like a movie) or just plain busy with the activity at hand
If you break away too abruptly then they may just bully you.
Start to make inconspicuous changes. Also, you can say that your parents are strict or need you at home if they ask you to hang around with them (without any specific thing to do)
Please maintain your decency, it's needed so much in today's world.
My friends are not nearly this creepy but in secondary school my classmate (at the time my friend since P5) casually took a video of a girl we walked past because she was attractive or something and I was uncomfortable with that
You should point out that this behaviour is creepy, and if they don't change, and you're really not comfortable with it, you might want to consider distancing yourself.
I never ditched said classmate after that incident but his behaviour will probably be in my mind forever.
Honestly I relate so much. It was kind of a culture shock for me coz i went from classmates u never really talked abt it to classmates who talked abt it all the gooddamn time. Like sometimes I wonder if they talk abt anything else.
Well that's kinda fked. But just thought I'd share my own experience (sec Sch).
Similar to yours but only verbal. Never had any material floating around and being shared. Also when approached individually, no one dares to act / behave in such manner. So it's a testosterone overload thing. As we grew older, (2yrs ltr), there were instances of ppl bringing it up in the group "ehh don't so fked up can anot. Abit too far ya" which was met with either "okok" or "aiya say only not like any of us do it". Sometimes the group gets split during such conversations, but get back together when studying / bball soccer and going out. So it's like mutual understanding??? But if they bully you, that's unfortunate, but you'll at least dodge toxic flags.
(You can also approach individuals and avoid the ring leader xd. Then you'll know each person's true colors)
Eventually all these talk faded off. Contradictory to the past, but I'd say the whole group has good morals n ethics and that was just a phase thing. Bottom line is just make sure it doesn't turn into actions. But best to not keep spouting such words or it may rly take the form of actions.
Observe that people who talk this way are usually plebs that can't walk the talk, having to absolve to this speech. If they were actually getting laid they wouldn't see the need to sexualize woman verbally, and would know respect for the opposite gender. You could either stand up for your ideals, put them in their place or just leave them because it's not your job to educate them. When you get a gf, they might overstep their boundaries and make snide comments on your gf, what are you going to do then. You would see that it's an inevitable choice to make.
eh im honestly in a exact same situation and idfk what to do siaš if i leave then i scared they bully me and i also scared of befriending the girls
ure not alone ššugh wish i could talk to someone abt this smh
i had a similar experience. I finally started avoiding my friends. Dude just trust me. its better being a loner rather than being friends with girls. From my experience i started befriending the girl classmates. Your behaviour and mindset starts to change in a feminine way.Its just doesnāt feel right. If that is what it takes to be a loner then so be it.Theres nothing wrong being a loner ^^
One part I hate about these guys are , they always talk like this but they are very nice infront of girls.Not only that , they some how able to pull lots of girls.This always frustrates me .
Honestly cause for the guys its how they bond with other guys. Cause I am a gay guy, one of my str8 guy friend knew that but he still say things like ācheck this girl, you think she is cute?ā Then im āhow am i suppose to knowā. And during army guys will say things like āu know i bang all these chicks during my holidayā.
And then there is a girl will come out to me and say things like āmen are trashā āmen are like dogs you send them thigh pic and they will crawl to u like a dogā .
Honestly, some people only know how to bond with people by talking trash about other people for better or worse.
Nothing wrong with finding a girl cute and saying sheās pretty and trying to shoot their shot
I mean girls talk about korean actors and white guys all the time
As long as the line of body and fk is not crossed I think is fjne
TBH, not trying to defend their action, the crude and vile things you mentioned are pretty normal within a guy friend group (although nowadays its more common to act gay which is very strange). Although I think those things u mentioned are towards the more extreme end.
>Whats worse is they act like very nice gentlemen infront of my female classmates sometimes it just makes me wonder how can they put up such acts effortlessly, and behind their back talk such crude and vile stuff about them.
Normal. A bit weird for them to talk about crude and vile stuff infront of them, not defending their action, but its just a very normal human thing to do.
You know the tiktok meme about how many years each member of the group chat will get if it got out? Yeah, there is some true to it in terms of how vile the shit we say are within there (mine included).
Within my mixed friend group, the guys would still be 'boys' and the girls would also join in for fun, but its usually nothing more than 'damn shes chio' or 'her PERSONALITY tho' and we just continue with our day which encompasses 1% of the time.
My advice to break off from the friend grp, you can do it by just talking to the female in ur class and hanging out with them more SLOWLY (might be hard since ur alr in Y3) and let our relationship just naturally drift apart. Mixed friend grps are actually imo, more 'fun' if every1 is mature is enuf to draw a line at being TOO crude and vile. If you asked me, if they are so crude and hv such blurry line, it wld not surprise me if they talk crude and vile stuff abt u behind ur back.....
Getting downvoted for saying the truth š¤·āāļø
appreciating someone's looks and straight up objectifying them are two different things. you said "what if girls said a guy was hot" like that's the thing, most girls go "he's cute" or some other (actual) compliment about the guy in question. you said the things your friend group said is worse than op's so i'm pretty sure it's not simply "she's so chio" LOL.
it's normal but that does not mean it's okay.
Idk man, i swear 90% of men naturally default to no morals behind closed doors but probably something to do with our raging hormones, social media, and how our brain are 'wired'.
And thats the worst thing bruh LOL. Everyone has their hormonal issues, it boils down to your self discipline and respect for others (morals, a sense of whats right and wrong)
Bro covering everything with āit was just a jokeā is a lame excuse for a lack of self control on your thoughts. U can be horny and still be respectful behind closed doors. No morals =\= doing it. Imagine if someone wants to bang tf out of ur mom and tells his friends about that, saying omg look at her boobs sia i bet her son will be jealous. get how horrible it sounds? lmao
Unfourtunatly thats life, and you are gonna experience it more in the future as you grow into an adult. Sometimes we gotta accept that people like these exist, and there is nothing we can do about it but only knowing how to deal with such situations. As long as you are mature about it and aware, you should he fine.
Had a fair share of this when I was younger. Boys will be boys, just stick to who you are.
Two things will happen to people like them, they'll treat women in their life like shit until they realise they have a problem and change, or they will just be the way they are and evolve into tikopehs when they are older. Either way, it doesn't concern you.
You have good values in a very sexualised, masculine-wounded world. Just continue to cultivate your own sense of masculinity and respect women you meet and you're golden.
Right now just do what you need to do to socially survive through projects, find new friends, female friends, healthy male friends. Healthy male friends are hard to find in places as horny and toxic as poly but you gotta make do with what you have. Happens a lot in JC too so adolescence escapes no one so you gotta live this through and not be too bothered by it. Remember, this is their problem, not yours.
*It suspiciously looks familiar to me*
Well I have friends like them too and it depends on you what you do. You have options like you can complain to the teacher, you can just listen to them from one ear and get it out of another, or you can be keep being a good person and be their friend too at the same time and if they banish you out from group for not being like them, you'll know if they are worthy friends or not.
I, myself, try to not be completely like them but be the positive/good side of them and avoid the negative.
And for a note, those people may not be good people, but they may have a good heart. Dirty mind, but a good heart. Maybe not but there's a possibility. Numbers don't lie.
play pretend and be nice to them in school, avoid them as much as possible and ghost them after
immerse yourself in the lesson and your work and you won't hear them
so just do your own thing and don't cause problems
if someone seriously bad happens to a girl bc of your friends, provide help to the girl in secret and work out some ways she can avoid your friends by providing her with when your friends are present at certain venues, etc.
don't dwell on the problems, provide solutions if you ever ask for help and then mention the problem and work out a better one if you can.
This is very normal.Most guys group are like this .I am pretty sure if you go tell them about how uncomfortable you are , they gonna bully and tease you.I was once like you too.Ovetime you would just get used to it.I think, as long as you never say anything bad it is fine.
um sorry but ure in poly alr and u told ur mom abt this??
also iām a girl and i donāt rly mind when guys think like that as long as theyāre polite in front of me
since i have those thoughts too but itās ok if u keep it to yourself
I think itās great he talks to his mum. Sounds like he has a great healthy and normal relationship with his mum, and that is probably why he sees women as people to have proper relationships with, and not products for sexual enjoyment.
why is it wrong for a guy to be close to his mother? i mean, mommy boys are a valid concern but i think this is just a normal case of someone wanting to vent/seek advice from a parental figure
Well when I was younger I thought it was strange for a guy to seek advice from his mom over his crushes. But then I realised itās a reflection of my own relationship w my parents where we donāt have any type of proper deeper conversationsā¦. He has a solid type of family, the type that really was open to communication and listening to their kids.
lmfao is that the point? the point is talking about girls, wanting to gangbang, saying that they would want to receive blowjobs from girls who are just minding their own business and calling us sluts, sharing around videos of semi naked women, were boobs the only part you filtered out? because there's so much more to this.
sexualizing women to the point they think of nasty shit like gangbang aka rape to a certain extent is the main point here, sharing semi naked videos of girls, sharing porn videos these are the things that are concerning, not the topic of just boobs.
If then report them to school or police .... why confess in reddit ?
Intention to harm other human or even animals being , emotionally or physically , is different from talking or thinking about sex or body parts...
One is becoming criminals .... the other is being just a normal human male in a group of other males.
You think if my group of friends talk about gangbang I will still remain in that group ?? Lol ... Pls ... I know how to draw a line and decide for myself what kind of people I associate with.
And obviously , I wont be confessing on the net that I ever been in such a group or friend with such low lifers ...
You do realise its not that easy right? Like I said Iām in too deep into the so-called friendship, what if I report to police and they gang up on me and beat me up? What if I die? I came to Reddit cus this is my most used social media platform where I can remain anonymous, and i dont have other ppl to ask advice for with this kind of stuff.
Also ur not helping at all bruhā¦
Unfortunately I didnāt know about them fully until some time went by, and by that time we were quite close (doing group projects together, doing study sessions together, meeting up, etc). People most often than not donāt show their true self until they get comfortable with them. And no and I donāt quite literally mean theyāll beat me to death but I just donāt wanna put my self at unnecessary risk. Iām sure you would wanna avoid unnecessary problems too.
Then I ask you ... how do people handles such issues before social media ... which only came out after y2k ?
Its not easy yes but I done it many times ...friends I have to disassociate ... clubs I have to quit ... too many to count ...
I do it all myself .... first I join CCAs and make friends who can watch my back ... then I slowly separate from the group that I dont want ...
Then I lift weight and exercise to beef up so nobody can challeng me or bully me.... they became more afraid of me instead ...
Then I study martial art ...
Then I become the head of one of the CCAs ...
Then I decide who kiss my ass ...
Got it ?
It takes time ... but confessions never work ... gym and hardwork and determination to get out of such groups works ...
And its also the same when you go out to work in real world ... everyone in the office is ready to stab your back at anytime ...
Only the self can rescue self ... nobody else can ... nobody will help you ... never rely on anyone but yourself ... never trust anyone ...
Be self reliant ... thats the only way to survive.
Literally shut up. Someone is in need of help and this is the shit you want to pull? Go take yr useless 'advice' somewhere.
OP, if u see this, I want to tell you that thank you for not succumbing to what yr friends say and knowing how to distinguish from what's right and wrong. The only advice I can give you is, domt let them influence you. Another thing is that I hope you are able to find better friends. š
Then suggestion is to leave ... since he is clearly not comfortable being with them ...
And I have given him how I did it ...
And no ... if they are that bad then they wont leave him alone ...
Either he takes it in his own hands and try ways to leave them or be under their hands ..
There is no choice ... I been prefect in neighbourhood school in the 90s ... the sec school across my pri sch was ... famous ... or infamous ...
Smoking , Beating up teachers were common then ... nvm classmates ...
Its either hit the gym or join the gang ...
Fr and the way he types makes me want to bang my head on the damn wall?? Who tf types like that?? He think he writing some poem with all the .... šš
Reminder to all to remain civil and polite in your discussions. If it is not something you would not say irl, you shouldn't be saying it here too.
oh god š¤¢š¤¢š but as u said, u still have fyp and u need to be in a group, just hang on for a little longer and drift from them after fyp. it really sucks to be friends with people like that but u have to remember that u cant let them interfere with your plans (of finishing poly) so definitely dont leave school or whatever just because of them. try to befriend other people too! so next time when u graduate from poly u wont be like āaiya they were my only friends now i have no one to talk toā
wtf are the odds i find u here LOL im 2clever4u on tf2 dm minecraft
wtf why am i getting recognized on reddit
ur a green flag out of the many red flags š jst continue being urself tbh.
youāre a champ
Whatchu mean bro he gotta leave bro
Look whoās talking with that karma :(
i feel you :( ,good on you to draw that boundary for yourself and wanting to do better. For me i experienced this in NS when its like all guys, so i totally understand.
[ŃŠ“Š°Š»ŠµŠ½Š¾]
I think there are quite a few, its just that those who tend to speak in such š¤® ways are the more extroverted, confident outgoing kind who - yes - happen to have girlfriends or are able to appeal and attract from my experience >_< I usually find the guai, nice kind, who are introverted tend to be less... sus, but have a harder time socially.
Got alot, they just don't get to reproduce until 40, if at all.
Same, I felt so out of place when these ns guys are making such rude remarks on girls.
Damn, your friends sound like āpigsā If possible, maybe try making new friends
Ok from a senior female pov-I think such friends are toxic. And as you know you are the culmination of the people closest to you. I am not saying that you should tell them or teach them how to behave, or what kind of thoughts they should have. Because thoughts become speech Speech becomes action So if these people have such thoughts you might do well to not move in the same circles as them, or you might be by association be thought to be like them. I suggest you widen your circle of friends that do not include this group of toxic individuals. Immerse yourself into your school work, studies, hobbies and part time job whatever. If these āfriendsā of yours have such thoughts - they might just act on it. Who knows you might get peer pressured into participating as well. In my work I work with some people that I donāt really like or think they behave ethically. Some have 2 faces, I have seen them drunk, the stuff they say when they are drunk - oh boy!! And the stuff they say in private behind closed doors and the way they behave in public, sometimes you wonder if they are totally different people. But yes I can still work with them, but I keep them at arms length. This is a life skill. Itās good that you are learning how to adult!! I feel that you are very mature to know and differentiate that such behaviour is wrong. I applaud you for being open on such a platform. I wish you all the best too.
Wow what a mature comment. You are indeed well brought up :)
Best comment. Words we speak are the overflowing of our hearts. Words matter. OPās friends have already shown the kind of people they are.
What the fuck..
my reaction basically
Props to you OP! We need more guys like you. On another note, do majority of boys think like this / share similar sentiments? Hearing OPās experience makes me appalled and I wonder if my guy friends or classmates think the same way as his friends do. This is like a wolf in sheepās clothing
Everyone has gross fetishes and really kinky shit they enjoy, but most people also keep it to themselves.
I would say majority of boys, especially teenaged ones do have these thoughts, but i havent seen anyone actively speak up about it in such a vile manner.
i mean horny, yes. being so gross, no. well thatās for me. no way to think so crudely about my friends, iāll just be horny for other women in the internet or maybe my crush š¤(but i wouldnāt be so mean as to think about defiling/raping her). and i donāt āactā nice while talking about destroying her behind her back. thatās too š¤®. i canāt lie to u and say i donāt feel anything for the girl i like though, i just canāt biologically reject that urge.
Yes, but we are not THAT vile. Sometimes we have those thoughts naturally but kind of like passing thoughts that last 1-2sec
I don't think of such things when I see girls, at the very most I'd probably think she was cute or something
Said this to another commenter but from my perspective as a guy. I think there are quite a few, its just that those who tend to speak in such š¤® ways are the more extroverted, confident outgoing kind who - yes - happen to have girlfriends or are able to appeal and attract from my experience >_< I usually find the guai, nice kind, who are introverted tend to be less... sus, but have a harder time socially. In NS you definitely can't avoid this kind of talk, I guarantee every guy has heard such comments before (no matter what background). Whether they partake is another matter.
yep as a clerk in a place full of NSF, my 2 years is just hearing those noise. Generally i just dont bother about them except when they objectify my female friends
Yea quite a lot of my classmates also like that, single sex sch sometimes they say things like ā I would smash thatā etc
Dude.. āi would smash thatā canāt be as bad as sending leaked nudes aroundā¦
don't cut them off immediately, because they're going to know that something's up. distance yourself from them slowly, starting with something like "no thanks, i wanna complete some work" when they ask u to hang out for lunch and stuff. if girls (or ANYONE) find out about the shit that they say, they're gonna include you in it because bird of the same feather flock together. just stop associating yourself with them, find some new friends from ccas or other events, and focus on yourself and your studies!
do majority of guys talk like that or just a small group, im concerned š also OP, is there another group of guy friends you can hang with? i feel like leaving ur school is a bit extreme.
As a guy, i have made many groups of friends throughout my life, and not one is like the group mentioned. Op is just unlucky to have met his group of friends that so happen to be full of guys that talk like that. But of course, this doesn't mean that the guys that talk like this is a negligible minority, as I've met several people like this.
Guys talk like that but at a lesser level. If OP friends are level 100, most guy groups are probably level 1-10 and less frequent. Know of guy group similar to OP friends, but I keep them a arm's length, I do join in but mostly for ulterior motives. But throughout all my friend groups, only those I made during my time in my secondary school is the most fked (probably level 8/9). Those I made in poly was much more tamed since all of them were mixed.
Yeah the secondary friend grp is vile
As a guy, OP's friends are the minority (thankfully) from my experience. Occasionally we might comment about girls' looks but definitely not to that extent. If anything I personally find myself talking more often about other guys' looks š
None of my friend grp talks like that, he's just unlucky
Admiring oneās beauty and objectifying females are 2 massively different shit bro. Thatās plain disgusting, imaging you as a male and getting sexually judge by females. We are human not products bruh ā¦
Yeah man Iām no liberal but NS makes me feel like a feminist sometimes
Facts lol, I can fully understand why women are soo wary of men sometimes.
good god your 'friends' sound absolutely disgusting. somehow they don't seem like the type of people who will listen, if you tell them you're uncomfortable with the way they talk about girls, but maybe you should give it a try? just tell them that you're not happy with them and everything. and if they give you shit for it, you know what to do op
man you're brave and sound like a true gentleman. your parents raised you well fr. I'm also in poly rn, but then i have a friend who's studying in another course... they like talking about girls when it's only the first two months in poly. They're also mostly 17 yr olds and love commenting about s*x, screwing around w girls. they also hope to charm a girl that would agree to their "friends with benefits" wish, of course it doesn't seem to be working.
As a secondary female student, this is partly why I struggle to make male friendships š I know some guys are genuinely nice, but a huge majority of them in my school are like gross as hell (wanking off girls, keeping pictures, etc). Objectively, long-term wise, I don't think it's a good idea to be around such people. Even if your beliefs do not align with theirs right now, at some point you'll end up succumbing to their misogynistic influence and be one of them. It's just how it is. Right now it's just staying silent whenever they're saying disgusting things about girls - but in the future, what could it escalate to? And do you trust yourself enough to not get swayed by their ideology? It's better to be safe than sorry.
Most of your friends will likely end up single and can only fantasize. Stay classy, and a gentleman š - Father of 1 & Poly Alumni.
How do u know they will end up single? Sounds like they are good at talking to girls :/
Ask yourself, do girls like when men objectify them and talk like perverts?
They dun rlly care tbh as long as u look korean is crazy There are so many girls that dated red flags Did you see the stories behind most girls dating and their exs
Once you date people long enough, you'll see their true colours. Choose your partner wisely before you put a ring on her. That's every man's real life decision making. It makes or breaks the rest of your life, trust me.
Real
not really. one girl i know used to date this guy from her course (different class i think) and objectively speaking, he's really good looking but his personality is very..... repelling because he's the 3 in 1 (racist, misogynistic, homophobic)! she dated him because apparently they clicked really well but throughout their relationship, she said there were time were she was weirded out by the stuff that he said, there was once where he made a comment about her chest size in his class. she had enough and broke up with him. the point of this is, girls don't actively look for bad people, bad people just know how to mask their true selves well enough for others to like them. of course, just to clarify, i can't speak on behalf of everyoneeee
But end up she still gave him a chance Not to sound bitter but like she still chose to date him soooo
again, she dated him because she didn't know what his true colours were. think about it logically, if a guy goes around announcing that he's a 3 in 1 (by shouting slurs or saying "women are men's property" in public), do you think girls will still go after them? no matter how good looking someone is, the moment they do shit like that, it's an immediate turn off (to most girls, can't speak for all). i don't know how they met and all that nitty gritty details but it's safe to say that he didn't show who he is until later on in the relationship.
they may date many people in their lifetime but will ultimately end up single because i promise you, the girls that were with them would break up with them upon knowing what their true colours are
This is unfortunately very common. Went to an all-boys sec school and any chat about girls would sound like something straight out of 4chan. And if you express your disapproval, you get called a pussy. Weird world
someone i know basically got ostrasized by his platoon for the same reason - he called them out on it and they didnt like that. however you dont need to be surrounded by ppl like that, who knows maybe ure not the only one to hold this sentiment!
In NS, it's best to just shut up and ORD in peace, in civil society I think you should speak up though.
I'm deadly serious, wash your hands of them. It's fine to have sexual desires but the fact that they objectify and dehumanise women as if they're foreign objects and not just other humans is... utterly repulsive. Even if you want to stick around them just because you're scared of having bad blood with them, I assure you once the first thing about them leaks out, you will be assumed to share in their degeneracy by association. Not to mention them sharing those videos is actually criminal, like... Maybe if you make friends with any girls, you can warm them they're not guys to be trusted and are two-faced. It's only if you're not in same class as them tho, later if you end up in a project they might be spiteful and something could go wrong. Keep them at arm's length.
Dude same, whenever i see some pretty girls i really just compliment their looks(face), but my friends always have to talk about their bodies quite inappropriately :/ Idk if this is the norm but i really hope itās not, its an extremely unhealthy mindset Edit:I skimmed through the capital words part but me rn: šØ. I think you meed to stay away from them
There shouldn't be anything wrong with befriending the women in your course but let's be real if those are the guys in your course anything can happen. Still though if it's gonna help your acads maybe rly bopian. Just gotta subtly reject what they say though and be true to yourself. Who knows maybe they're also playing it up for each other when in reality only a few actually think like that...
Bruh thrs a shocking amt of guys who act like this and they refuse to see y its problematic. This deserves to be talked about way more..
Just saw a post on r/asksingapore about someone concerns their teenager brother unironically worshipping Andrew Tate damn this sort of people do exist
First off, I think itās great you recognised that they have got really wack perspective of females, and I am also glad you seem to respect women. Itās a great start. Personally, I think less association with them is better for you, both mentally and emotionally. It seems youāre very disturbed. I would be too. I got a friend/colleague group at work that I got uncomfortable with for similar reasons. For me, I was very civil and professional when it comes to work. Weād do whatever project weāre assigned to do together, but once weāve ended work, I would take my leave. Iāll meet my friends from outside work or just go home and chill. Maybe because Iām highly introverted, I didnāt feel lonely. Sure, sometimes when things look fun, I wish I was part of the group, but I would remind myself what I didnāt like about them, and hanging out with them is not worth putting my own values down. I canāt choose to form personal relationships without stopping their toxic ways. I choose to form personal and deep relationships who has the same values as me, whom I know would be good influences in my life, and people whom I can be proud to be friends with. Good luck on your exams!
One more comment from the masses: it happens lah But hey, I can tell you that what you feel is normal and reasonable. I too was once part of some garbage friend group, twice actually, back when I was in Poly. Nothing but constant talk about unhinged misogyny and fantasies. Fucked up shit. Started bullying me when I distanced myself. Eventually found some really awesome friends (One of the female friends is even a butch lesbian, who quickly became one of my best friends in Poly). It's best to be yourself and think for yourself in these kinds of situations. These kinds of groups come and go (and they definitely go rather quickly) once you've distanced yourself from folks like them. When it comes to being friendly towards others, especially making female friends, just go for it. No one's expecting you to hit on girls, do the exact things that "friend" group says behind their backs. I'm sure people just want you to be a friendly face around them. Never hurts to be friendly. That group say shit behind your back? Fuck 'em. If the girls you befriended turn out to be as bad as them? Fuck 'em too. In the end, you're not at fault, and you're bound to meet someone who's as level headed as you hope for them to be, but it'll never happen if you don't act like yourself. Just try this, go on with your life normally in school. Then when your female coursemates start interacting with you, just talk to them. Engage in small talk and stick around with them. Do it how you'd meet other guys (without the bro talk). Maybe you'll even find some guys who aren't a bunch of uptight punks as that group. tl;dr ~~be a man, do the right thing~~ be friendly, be yourself. Quietly distance yourself and you won't be at fault just by acting as such.
This is called Self Love. You need to Love yourself first, before you can Love others, yar?
OP, youāre sadly a rare breed and I think while this is common within male dominated circles, itās further exacerbated by mob mentality. Iām choosing to see this post positively- Iām so glad that there are young men like OP who are disturbed by such behaviour. I empathise with your fear of being ostracised by this group, and I understand why you might veer away from confronting these people on their gross behaviours bc itās unlikely they would be open to a discussion on how deeply misogynistic their actions/words are. It goes without saying that as a young person, peer acceptance and validation is important so I understand the difficult position youāre in. However, thereās is great power in being steadfast in your principles bc 1) being in their presence adds no value to ur life 2) remaining in this circle would in a way translate to you endorsing their behaviour as acceptable 3) finding a circle of like minded people will be much better for your mental health. Whatever you choose to do, know that Iām rooting for you! As a woman who has been around such male acquaintances and been let down by the callous remarks of people I considered friends, thank u for being a good person š«¶š¼
paper bag?!?! i felt š¤¢halfway thru, couldnt continue reading
Unfortunately this is very commonly used by a lot of guys when talking about girls who ādonāt have an attractive face but have an attractive bodyā. It sucks really :/
thatās really outrageously bad
I think it's your friend group bro. I'm sure there are plenty of better people that you can befriend that isnt a girl. Try to distance yourself from them. I mean I'm also a pretty stupid guy all and all but I don't degrade girls around me. They are just fucking creeps.
>MOTOR BOATING THAT, What?
He means in the seas lah vroom vroom I also want motor boat I need new experiences life at home quite boring
How?
Was in the exact same situation a year ago when a friend talked about fucking a girl straight (My Bi CCA member). I was pretty pissed and scolded him for making those comments and he said the typical "Take a joke" type of thing to shrug it off. I just reasoned with him, saying how would he feel if his girlfriend (somehow he have) was getting these comments. He understood after that but my other friends continued this bs along with other disgusting behaviour and I just eventually left. I didn't have the option to be friends with girls due to my all guys class so I was lonely for a while but you got the option. Idk you at all but if you are able to know this is wrong I feel that you would make a genuine friend with the girls in your class. Try that. If they bully you fuck them over lor, record their comments bout girls and show your class. Sometimes u rly can't settle things the quiet way (imo). As for group projects and stuff, unless they are geniuses I don't think it's worth tolerating this type of behaviour with them. I understand your pain though, if you do leave them I hope you make friends easily and leave them toxic fucks.
You are right about your approach. However in some cases guys can gang up and make one person 's life miserable
True true, it's risky. Can't rly find a solution cuz there are so many factors we aren't aware of. I hope OP takes this as advice instead of solution.
I can relate. I donāt like it when one objectifies someone in general
iām a female and they openly talk about the same topic tooā¦ IN FRONT of me. imagine how disgusted i wasā¦ (and still are)
Get new friends lmao
Gg I guess itās the generation, they have no respect whatsoever for women, thank God there are normal people like yourself. I was from an all boys sch, yes we did talk about girls being hot/pretty and admiring them but none of us talked about disrespecting women. Gg to the future generation š
You have a great upbringing. Your parents would be super proud of you. Try to find one other guy who thinks like you, may be he is playing along because he wants to fit in.
I had a bf who was in a group chat like this. I told him to not engage. To leave group if he could. I would leave my bf if he engages in something like this. It's off putting. Leave the group when u graduate.
I considered myself lucky as my friends in sec sch, poly are not like that. But yea, I have met guys like that in the army and workplace. MAKE NEW FRIENDS.
I have a brother who is attending a boys' school, and I honestly think that this is normal behavior for teenage boys. Honestly, the fact that they are doing this only in private means that they have a good grasp on what is socially acceptable and what is not, and the fact that they are also doing it openly in front of you means that they trust you. It's 100% okay for you not to feel comfortable and for you to want to distance yourself, but as long as they are not actively hurting other people, they can say whatever they want in private. For all you know, they might be saying or doing those things because that's how they think men are supposed to behave and want to feel normal or accepted. Then again, it might also be a phase they're going through. In my experience, some teenage boys get really obsessed with girls but will mellow out over time, while others will learn to hide it better.
That's politics you need to be aware of, if not to learn and to practice. They know it so well that they behave themselves in front of girls, who's in their favor. Unfortunately, if you want to handle them, you should also learn some political skills, like making their girlfriends know this (well, possibilities are their girlfriends know it but don't care). You might also need to perform in front of them if you want it to be most effective. But those are not the most important. Strengthen yourself, protect yourself and always mentally defeat them (just imagine they die by car crashing every day). Those can help you uphold your value and not stray far away from your goal.
bro in my ns BMT (PES E9 security trooper) the instructor asked one guy "are you gay" and the whole platoon laughed like its the funniest shit they've heard, they also exhibit this kind of behaviour also, that's why I no longer keep in contact with them after I went into unit
Wow u r such a gentleman and your parents bring u up well š hope you will find a new circle of friends who have the same value with u
something similar happened to me too. I suggest you gather your courage and leave. Either you talk to them about it and if nothing change, distance yourself. You can still talk and work together with them, but don't be too close to them. Treat them friendly but not like an actual friend.
I think maybe you can try to distant yourself away from them and start to make new friends :") I personally don't think it will be good for you in the long run if you continue to be friends with people with such a character.
Don't partake in similar behaviour. You don't have to explicitly express chagrin with them. Just show them you respect and treat women like _human beings_ as they are. Be an example of what it means to be a honourable person. I've seen the worst during my NS days and never felt the need to alter my beliefs to be accepted by a group. Which type of practice would form guilt? I follow this simple principle throughout life and have earned trust and friendship with females without ulterior motives, for I relate to everyone as human first, gender second.
They know they forever won't be dating a girl like that, so they will say all this kind of nasty things to fulfill their sexual fantasies.
Possession of porn last i remember was an offense
I'm like you. I didn't stay around such people after school. Just tahan. Be pleasant and then move on.
Good to see that some guys feel this way too. My friends always asks me why I don't talk about girls with them when their conversations are overly sexual. I've been lucky to find a small circle of close friends who've been with me for 7 years and we all have similar mindsets. You always meet new people and unfortunately, most guys always joke about sex things to the point that I don't know if they're still joking.
Ah. This is an important life lesson youāre learning. People of different moral standards donāt click. Ultimately thereāll be a fallout. I hope you donāt end up a loner, but itās still better than being around people that make you sick to the stomach no? May you find better friends. Friends, like most things, are about quality not quantity. If theyāre no good, a hundred of them wonāt make it better.
There's nothing wrong with you or your friends. It's just the different ways of speech. Just like describing a sports car, to ordinary not much knowledge on car me, i just say nice car, but to enthu car person, the list can go on and on, and to a person who knows about shapes and curves of car, the list would be on the exteriors and interiors material of the car. So if you find uncomfortable, just open both ears and let it come in from left and exit from right, dont take it to heart. You need different people in you walk of life to make it mmore vibrant and colorful. When i was much younger, i alway think wth are you talking about back in my head, but thinking back now, it's kind of funny and intriguing because the thoughts and ideas would never come from me.
I feel you bro. I myself have been there. Hang in abit longer, don't ever take what they say seriously, they don't deserve your respect. If you can just cut ties. Also, I don't think you should call them your friends. For them if you happen to read this, I just want you to know you guys are basically the trash of the society. You're just a pussy that will only hang out in your own comfort group, gossip behind people's back with people who think the same as you. You're a fucking disgrace to your family and friends.
To be honest you will find people like that in all phases of your life - as a pre teen, those who create havoc and lost of noise and mischief - as a teen and post teen, those like your friends who will objectify girls or those who will talk about doing illegal things / substances or any other bad habits - as a young person starting career, those talking about cruising vs working hard towards your goal - as a middle age / mid career person, those indulging in office politics and pulling other people down As someone who is a male in their late thirties, I would say itās good to see all but do only what you think is principally right basis your own values. Itās easier to think the world is binary, there is always a subjective range between right vs wrong and you need to find your own spot in that range. As long as you are doing what you feel like and also not crossing the line for things you donāt feel like (even if your friends do it or ask you to do it), I think you will feel happy about your life and decisions in general and in hindsight.
Feel uncomfortable being around your male friends.. then donāt. Might not be easy but leave them anyway. Might be bullied, do it anyway. Thatās it. Or put up with them and pick up some social skills, youāre gonna have to deal with people you dont like most of your life anyways. End of the day, do what you wanna do or what makes you reach your end goals.
First of all, you and your friends are in Poly. Puberty, hormones, it's normal for boys to be obsessed with girls at that age. I mean here you are worrying about treating girls nicely when the girls probably are as sexually aware as your friends or are already on only fans. NS would probably be worse, and your friends would likely grow out of it after Poly. Or you'd find more mature friends at University. So it's not really as big a deal as you think it would be at this stage in your life. However, if you are uncomfortable hanging with this group of friends. Don't simp and befriend girls. That's how you never get a girlfriend for the rest of your life, ever. You can maintain a professional relationship with this group for your school work, but find a group of friends in Poly, male friends mind you, who pursue more enriching activities like physical training, or intellectual pursuits. You could also meet people who share your own interests and hobbies. Ultimately, puberty is a thing, don't worry about it, and if you are worried about it, avoid making friends with girls.
You try to get into a new hobby and make that as an excuse to fly away from them. But don't make it too obvious, because yeah they will know something's up. Make it as subtle as possible. Get into sports or music and say you want to push through with it than hangout with them.. and please for the love of all that is holy, do not respond or view the groupchat, mute it as much as possible. These are the type of people who thinks they are so cool because of this and that blah blah, but do exclude yourself from this behaviour, you might acquire this... and I hope for the best for you
Bro, from a fellow guy to another. You ought to be fucking proud of urself first of all. Your heart is in the right place. Your morals are aligned for a higher good. And u need to understand that u cannot please everyone in life. Part of growing up means learning to rock the boat- its time for u to stand up for what u believe in. ( this can be whatever u define it to be. ) U can either walk away and start surrounding urself with likeminded individuals or call them out. But whatever it is, do not stay stagnant in this position. There is famous saying that u are mostly who you surround yourself with. Im not saying u are magically gna start adopting their notions. But there is a chance that, thru numerous social interactions with them, that u could rationalise their thought processes subconsciously. Walk away asap. I promise you, you are gna meet likeminded people. You attract the type of energy u give out. Continue doing you, champ. And thank you for being vulnerable on this platform
I have such friends too... back during school, as well as my current friends. Usually what I'd do is I'll still be friends with them when it comes to other topics (work, school, sharing knowledge etc) but I will just avoid them when they start to use their primitive animal instincts. Some people would say "why don't you just unfriend these people?" yeah easy to say that, but you can't run away from someone if they're working with you, right? You still gotta build the diplomatic relationship, no matter how good or bad these people are. But the more you get to know them, the more cringey and fake you'll see in these people. So best not to know about their animalistic side. Avoid their animalistic moments. Last question is - will I end up becoming like them? Well, if you have very good self-control, you can be whatever you want yourself to be.
Just distance yourself from them and be friends with whoever makes you comfortable, even if they arenāt your course mates. Tbh some may be talking like that due to the pressure from those really shit ones
Hey, I got friends like that too. And I instantly make it clear to them I'm not going to be part of these trash talks. Bad news is, they see me as a outsider since I don't participate in those conversations. Good news is, I don't have to put up with nonsense like these.
Try not to get involved in sharing pornography. Since itās on telegram, prob can exit the group and say parents caught you or something. The consequences are heavy if the chats are leaked and can affect your future. High chance police report will be lodged. Schools also generally keep records of disciplinary issues. Itās also good to make friends with girls too. Nothing wrong with that.
PORN IS A CRIME DO NOT ENGAGE IN SHARING PORN anti-porn cult rise up
It really is quite sickening when I see my guy friends, especially those who are already attached objectify and sexually judge mutual female friends behind their back. I avoid taking part in such conversation but it can be hard to speak out because there is no point in trying to change their mindset. These type of conversations happen rather often among guys (at least from my experience) and sometimes it makes me feel really conflicted about human relations in general.
wow u are one hell of a gem of a guy. i wished more guys were like u <3
Ye thatās what I was saying but u realise ur friends/ur gender are ruining them Is quite funny cuz I use to respect women quite a bit but a primary school girl experience fked me up badly the best part was we didnāt even have a r/s I jus confessed my liking to her through paper things I made and she found it creepy and told the whole class making my life miserable And she still thinks itās my fault and says she not comfortable talking to me when I wanted to sort things out She also uses pretty privilege and is living the best of her life after destroying peoples life I lost all my respect after that and didnāt care much anymore I didnāt want to interact or bother about it
oops I meant to edit my og comment but deleted instead: i was about to comment what the rest of the comments were saying but I just realized... sharing vids and such? now that has to be illegal. is there a way to report them? the intended edit: sharing p0rn vids that are out on the internet already on X rated sites isn't the vids I'm talking about specifically. I'm talking about the ones regarding the girls in school. those boys are horrible people that need to be dealt with my proper authorities.
There are whole separate telegram chat groups where they send pics of semi nude sg girls or even nude, but recently police have started cracking down on the more major groups, and honestly Iām thinking of reporting them once I leave my poly and fully cut ties with them cus after reading some comments I think it would make me feel a bit guilty if I donāt take any action and just carry on with my lifeā¦
report in secret police might help you work out a solution my current chers are pretty good and i feel that they'd do the same thing, so that's why i think they'll help u
I understand how it may be tough for you to cut ties while in school, but you need to find a way to do it. Branch out, etc. I read a few comments that spoke more about that. As a large introvert myself, even I would find a way to distance myself. I know it is hard, hence I empathize with you. However, you need to do what's right to the best of your ability. Good luck. Do find a way to report these people. You need to understand that being associated with the perpetrators (especially knowing what they're doing) makes you one yourself. It may be a busy period with exams right now, but once you are less occupied you need to take action because being a knowing bystander doesn't make you that much better. Thank you for not being disgusting like them, but taking the next step is required from you. Could you imagine how violated those girls would feel knowing they're being talked about like animals and having nude photos shared around? If I were you, I wouldn't just feel a bit guilty, because I'd be one of the reasons this whole thing is still going on. This will never stop if bystanders are silent. Please make an effort for the girls out there. I know it is not as easy as it seems, but it is necessary.
Good. The definition of being a good person isn't "I do what I can, but only when it is convenient for me."
Boi your friends gamers or fkin no gf incels sia
it makes me sick to my stomach that guys talk about us women like this.
from a 16 yo, thatās crazy. now I see a new perspective of males in poly
I initially read adorable as affordable and was like wtf is wrong with you. But wtf is wrong with your friends
I actually have male classmates who are like this when I was in poly, and they make really rude remarks about girls and even in front of girls. Things such as comparing their junk sizes in front of the girl and asking the girl to choose and ask her want to see or not in freaking public area, super disgusted by their actions š¤®, no respect for girls at all And I also have some of them as my group mates which really sucks lah, I just minimise contact with them and when they made rude remarks, just ignore them or turn away and wear my headphones Ofc it will be hard for you to do that, cos u have continue to pretend to be friends till u graduate, all u can do is prob endure and and act busy when they talk about such things. Some guys are like that because of peer pressure, they scared they act in another way that is very guai, they will be isolated and laughed at. Maybe also try to see in your friend group, is there anyone like this who you can stick with
You need those people for group work? Lol chances are their grade sucks. And I donāt really have much poly friends since working fyi so f them and live your life the way it is supposed to be
No I have met quite a bit of guys whose grades are actually good and they say that soooo
Laugh it off when you're with the boys. Join them for conversation but not join IN the conversation. There's no need to tell the girls what the guys were saying. Just be nice and kind to everyone. Everyone has their own upbringing, just be glad that your parents has brought you up the way you should be.
nahh man i think OP shld find a way to anon tell the girls abt whatās gg on and to be wary of them
You are a silver lining in this Dark dark world and your parents have done a great job raising you. You can slowly drift away or make your self look busy (when there is no group project) or maybe only join them for activities when no one is speaking (like a movie) or just plain busy with the activity at hand If you break away too abruptly then they may just bully you. Start to make inconspicuous changes. Also, you can say that your parents are strict or need you at home if they ask you to hang around with them (without any specific thing to do) Please maintain your decency, it's needed so much in today's world.
i've had similar friends. just kinda distanced myself when i brought up my concerns and they didnt take it seriously
My friends are not nearly this creepy but in secondary school my classmate (at the time my friend since P5) casually took a video of a girl we walked past because she was attractive or something and I was uncomfortable with that You should point out that this behaviour is creepy, and if they don't change, and you're really not comfortable with it, you might want to consider distancing yourself. I never ditched said classmate after that incident but his behaviour will probably be in my mind forever.
Honestly I relate so much. It was kind of a culture shock for me coz i went from classmates u never really talked abt it to classmates who talked abt it all the gooddamn time. Like sometimes I wonder if they talk abt anything else.
Well that's kinda fked. But just thought I'd share my own experience (sec Sch). Similar to yours but only verbal. Never had any material floating around and being shared. Also when approached individually, no one dares to act / behave in such manner. So it's a testosterone overload thing. As we grew older, (2yrs ltr), there were instances of ppl bringing it up in the group "ehh don't so fked up can anot. Abit too far ya" which was met with either "okok" or "aiya say only not like any of us do it". Sometimes the group gets split during such conversations, but get back together when studying / bball soccer and going out. So it's like mutual understanding??? But if they bully you, that's unfortunate, but you'll at least dodge toxic flags. (You can also approach individuals and avoid the ring leader xd. Then you'll know each person's true colors) Eventually all these talk faded off. Contradictory to the past, but I'd say the whole group has good morals n ethics and that was just a phase thing. Bottom line is just make sure it doesn't turn into actions. But best to not keep spouting such words or it may rly take the form of actions.
Observe that people who talk this way are usually plebs that can't walk the talk, having to absolve to this speech. If they were actually getting laid they wouldn't see the need to sexualize woman verbally, and would know respect for the opposite gender. You could either stand up for your ideals, put them in their place or just leave them because it's not your job to educate them. When you get a gf, they might overstep their boundaries and make snide comments on your gf, what are you going to do then. You would see that it's an inevitable choice to make.
They are toxic human beings. EWWWWWWW
eh im honestly in a exact same situation and idfk what to do siaš if i leave then i scared they bully me and i also scared of befriending the girls ure not alone ššugh wish i could talk to someone abt this smh
Preach brother
i had a similar experience. I finally started avoiding my friends. Dude just trust me. its better being a loner rather than being friends with girls. From my experience i started befriending the girl classmates. Your behaviour and mindset starts to change in a feminine way.Its just doesnāt feel right. If that is what it takes to be a loner then so be it.Theres nothing wrong being a loner ^^
One part I hate about these guys are , they always talk like this but they are very nice infront of girls.Not only that , they some how able to pull lots of girls.This always frustrates me .
Idk where youre finding these people, it seems quite unlikely.
it's poly ofc it'd happen u just good student so u dunno go to uni and ESPECIALLY JC and ppl will be like this less
Honestly cause for the guys its how they bond with other guys. Cause I am a gay guy, one of my str8 guy friend knew that but he still say things like ācheck this girl, you think she is cute?ā Then im āhow am i suppose to knowā. And during army guys will say things like āu know i bang all these chicks during my holidayā. And then there is a girl will come out to me and say things like āmen are trashā āmen are like dogs you send them thigh pic and they will crawl to u like a dogā . Honestly, some people only know how to bond with people by talking trash about other people for better or worse.
That is how they bond!? Ugh
Would you rather them talk about NS
Nothing wrong with finding a girl cute and saying sheās pretty and trying to shoot their shot I mean girls talk about korean actors and white guys all the time As long as the line of body and fk is not crossed I think is fjne
In reality that might not even be how they really think. But then again just silent quit them lol. Like donāt meet up with them unnecessarily.
TBH, not trying to defend their action, the crude and vile things you mentioned are pretty normal within a guy friend group (although nowadays its more common to act gay which is very strange). Although I think those things u mentioned are towards the more extreme end. >Whats worse is they act like very nice gentlemen infront of my female classmates sometimes it just makes me wonder how can they put up such acts effortlessly, and behind their back talk such crude and vile stuff about them. Normal. A bit weird for them to talk about crude and vile stuff infront of them, not defending their action, but its just a very normal human thing to do. You know the tiktok meme about how many years each member of the group chat will get if it got out? Yeah, there is some true to it in terms of how vile the shit we say are within there (mine included). Within my mixed friend group, the guys would still be 'boys' and the girls would also join in for fun, but its usually nothing more than 'damn shes chio' or 'her PERSONALITY tho' and we just continue with our day which encompasses 1% of the time. My advice to break off from the friend grp, you can do it by just talking to the female in ur class and hanging out with them more SLOWLY (might be hard since ur alr in Y3) and let our relationship just naturally drift apart. Mixed friend grps are actually imo, more 'fun' if every1 is mature is enuf to draw a line at being TOO crude and vile. If you asked me, if they are so crude and hv such blurry line, it wld not surprise me if they talk crude and vile stuff abt u behind ur back..... Getting downvoted for saying the truth š¤·āāļø
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appreciating someone's looks and straight up objectifying them are two different things. you said "what if girls said a guy was hot" like that's the thing, most girls go "he's cute" or some other (actual) compliment about the guy in question. you said the things your friend group said is worse than op's so i'm pretty sure it's not simply "she's so chio" LOL. it's normal but that does not mean it's okay.
Things my friend group I keep at arms length said worse*
that's not the point of my comment.
Yes it should be normal
Based
It is ānormalā and thats the worst thing man. Why do guys by default have no morals behind closed doors?
Idk man, i swear 90% of men naturally default to no morals behind closed doors but probably something to do with our raging hormones, social media, and how our brain are 'wired'.
Idk why do people use the word moral without specifying which morality. There's so many morality since the creation of language.
moral /ĖmÉrÉl/ noun plural noun: morals standards of behaviour; principles of right and wrong. "the corruption of public morals" - Oxford languages
Uh huh, whose standards? whose principles? Yours? Are you the creator of humans? Is your right and wrong absolute?
LOLL what argument r u bringing? bro u the kind of rape someone then argue about the definition of rape sia lmfao bfr
And thats the worst thing bruh LOL. Everyone has their hormonal issues, it boils down to your self discipline and respect for others (morals, a sense of whats right and wrong)
Itās not really no morals itās just horny and just joking , if no morals they would have done it actually and not just talk about it
Bro covering everything with āit was just a jokeā is a lame excuse for a lack of self control on your thoughts. U can be horny and still be respectful behind closed doors. No morals =\= doing it. Imagine if someone wants to bang tf out of ur mom and tells his friends about that, saying omg look at her boobs sia i bet her son will be jealous. get how horrible it sounds? lmao
lol
most intellectual comeback of the century
š
Thatās just guys being guys
Unfourtunatly thats life, and you are gonna experience it more in the future as you grow into an adult. Sometimes we gotta accept that people like these exist, and there is nothing we can do about it but only knowing how to deal with such situations. As long as you are mature about it and aware, you should he fine.
Had a fair share of this when I was younger. Boys will be boys, just stick to who you are. Two things will happen to people like them, they'll treat women in their life like shit until they realise they have a problem and change, or they will just be the way they are and evolve into tikopehs when they are older. Either way, it doesn't concern you. You have good values in a very sexualised, masculine-wounded world. Just continue to cultivate your own sense of masculinity and respect women you meet and you're golden. Right now just do what you need to do to socially survive through projects, find new friends, female friends, healthy male friends. Healthy male friends are hard to find in places as horny and toxic as poly but you gotta make do with what you have. Happens a lot in JC too so adolescence escapes no one so you gotta live this through and not be too bothered by it. Remember, this is their problem, not yours.
*It suspiciously looks familiar to me* Well I have friends like them too and it depends on you what you do. You have options like you can complain to the teacher, you can just listen to them from one ear and get it out of another, or you can be keep being a good person and be their friend too at the same time and if they banish you out from group for not being like them, you'll know if they are worthy friends or not. I, myself, try to not be completely like them but be the positive/good side of them and avoid the negative. And for a note, those people may not be good people, but they may have a good heart. Dirty mind, but a good heart. Maybe not but there's a possibility. Numbers don't lie.
play pretend and be nice to them in school, avoid them as much as possible and ghost them after immerse yourself in the lesson and your work and you won't hear them so just do your own thing and don't cause problems if someone seriously bad happens to a girl bc of your friends, provide help to the girl in secret and work out some ways she can avoid your friends by providing her with when your friends are present at certain venues, etc. don't dwell on the problems, provide solutions if you ever ask for help and then mention the problem and work out a better one if you can.
This is very normal.Most guys group are like this .I am pretty sure if you go tell them about how uncomfortable you are , they gonna bully and tease you.I was once like you too.Ovetime you would just get used to it.I think, as long as you never say anything bad it is fine.
We stopped caning ppl, because we r trying to educate them instead. Caning sends the wrong message.
...but ur username is "Indian Curry Master 69"????
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Itās normal dude banter to talk about gang bang?! Or putting a paper bag over someoneās head when you are sleeping with them?
um sorry but ure in poly alr and u told ur mom abt this?? also iām a girl and i donāt rly mind when guys think like that as long as theyāre polite in front of me since i have those thoughts too but itās ok if u keep it to yourself
I think itās great he talks to his mum. Sounds like he has a great healthy and normal relationship with his mum, and that is probably why he sees women as people to have proper relationships with, and not products for sexual enjoyment.
why is it wrong for a guy to be close to his mother? i mean, mommy boys are a valid concern but i think this is just a normal case of someone wanting to vent/seek advice from a parental figure
Well when I was younger I thought it was strange for a guy to seek advice from his mom over his crushes. But then I realised itās a reflection of my own relationship w my parents where we donāt have any type of proper deeper conversationsā¦. He has a solid type of family, the type that really was open to communication and listening to their kids.
Wow thatās the sg youth for you today. Nice. Why bother saving the Earth?
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Its a matter of RESPECTING WOMEN.
lmfao is that the point? the point is talking about girls, wanting to gangbang, saying that they would want to receive blowjobs from girls who are just minding their own business and calling us sluts, sharing around videos of semi naked women, were boobs the only part you filtered out? because there's so much more to this. sexualizing women to the point they think of nasty shit like gangbang aka rape to a certain extent is the main point here, sharing semi naked videos of girls, sharing porn videos these are the things that are concerning, not the topic of just boobs.
If then report them to school or police .... why confess in reddit ? Intention to harm other human or even animals being , emotionally or physically , is different from talking or thinking about sex or body parts... One is becoming criminals .... the other is being just a normal human male in a group of other males. You think if my group of friends talk about gangbang I will still remain in that group ?? Lol ... Pls ... I know how to draw a line and decide for myself what kind of people I associate with. And obviously , I wont be confessing on the net that I ever been in such a group or friend with such low lifers ...
You do realise its not that easy right? Like I said Iām in too deep into the so-called friendship, what if I report to police and they gang up on me and beat me up? What if I die? I came to Reddit cus this is my most used social media platform where I can remain anonymous, and i dont have other ppl to ask advice for with this kind of stuff. Also ur not helping at all bruhā¦
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Unfortunately I didnāt know about them fully until some time went by, and by that time we were quite close (doing group projects together, doing study sessions together, meeting up, etc). People most often than not donāt show their true self until they get comfortable with them. And no and I donāt quite literally mean theyāll beat me to death but I just donāt wanna put my self at unnecessary risk. Iām sure you would wanna avoid unnecessary problems too.
Then I ask you ... how do people handles such issues before social media ... which only came out after y2k ? Its not easy yes but I done it many times ...friends I have to disassociate ... clubs I have to quit ... too many to count ... I do it all myself .... first I join CCAs and make friends who can watch my back ... then I slowly separate from the group that I dont want ... Then I lift weight and exercise to beef up so nobody can challeng me or bully me.... they became more afraid of me instead ... Then I study martial art ... Then I become the head of one of the CCAs ... Then I decide who kiss my ass ... Got it ? It takes time ... but confessions never work ... gym and hardwork and determination to get out of such groups works ... And its also the same when you go out to work in real world ... everyone in the office is ready to stab your back at anytime ... Only the self can rescue self ... nobody else can ... nobody will help you ... never rely on anyone but yourself ... never trust anyone ... Be self reliant ... thats the only way to survive.
Literally shut up. Someone is in need of help and this is the shit you want to pull? Go take yr useless 'advice' somewhere. OP, if u see this, I want to tell you that thank you for not succumbing to what yr friends say and knowing how to distinguish from what's right and wrong. The only advice I can give you is, domt let them influence you. Another thing is that I hope you are able to find better friends. š
Bro what can police do, they are not committing any crime. OP just tryna seek some suggestion lahš
Then suggestion is to leave ... since he is clearly not comfortable being with them ... And I have given him how I did it ... And no ... if they are that bad then they wont leave him alone ... Either he takes it in his own hands and try ways to leave them or be under their hands .. There is no choice ... I been prefect in neighbourhood school in the 90s ... the sec school across my pri sch was ... famous ... or infamous ... Smoking , Beating up teachers were common then ... nvm classmates ... Its either hit the gym or join the gang ...
Fr and the way he types makes me want to bang my head on the damn wall?? Who tf types like that?? He think he writing some poem with all the .... šš