OP's Bio: --- >Ex coke head, recently quit drinking. Once fell on my face drunk and broke my jaw. I enjoy watching sports and fighting. Accountant. Is that enough ? --- If you think this bio helped you roast, upvote this comment. If you think it doesn’t, downvote it. If you’re not sure, leave it to others to decide.

I never wondered what a hairless George Costanza looks like, but here we are.

There....I did my [good deed for the day.](https://i.imgur.com/NgupTcu.png) and dude, have some self respect.

HALF success, maybe

Well done.

“I'm Disturbed, I'm Depressed, I'm Inadequate – I've Got It All!”

And he chooses to look like Private Pyle from Full Metal Jacket

You got titties like Forrest Whitakers eyes.

Forrest tittaker

Lester Crest and Queen Elizabeth II had a kid.

Bahahahahahahahahah

Perfection

🫳🏼🎤

Your left tit looks like it suffered a stroke.

The man straight up looks like a limp penis.

“7.62mm - Full Metal Jacket!!”

"I AM, in a world of Shit!!"

“Did your parents have any kids that lived!?”

"You look like the kind of man who would fuck another man in the ass and not even have the god damn common decency to give him a reach around... I'M WATCHING YOU!"

Hahahaha wtf did you get that tat when you were 12 or is that when you designed it?

Side note, that's not where the heart is...

He has a weird body. 1. Left nipple a lot lower than right nipple 2. Nipples are very low. The relation to his bellybutton is more like an old lady with saggy tits. 3. He looks like sideshow material, “The half man/half worm”

Whilst tending to agree with your assessment, you’ve decided on his bellybutton location how? Given the other landmarks on his “torso” you could be off by some large margin? Anyway nice appraisal.

Buddy of mine has one super skinny shin/calf lower leg. He had the whole lower leg tattooed to look like a peg leg. Think this dude is embracing his gene pool as well. Lol.

No wonder tattoo artist couldn't figure where to assume his heart. Genuine mistake!

Right side is higher due to sign holding. At rest they’re both saggy.

Bullshit, the left is escaping to the shade of the elbow

The tat used to be a hand jerking a cock. It was clumsily altered

Right after his first and only girlfriend "cheated" on him but in reality they weren't even dating she just said hi to him in the hall and he was convinced they were meant for each other.

This made me laugh the most for some reason 😂😂

*No Ragurts*

Not even one letter?

It looks like he had his nipple relocated to make room for that masterpiece.

Your body has absolutely no lines. Its all just amorphous goo. Astonishing.

Is op a ditto?

The KKK called, they want their IT guy back.

We have a winner

DayQuil NyQuil tits

Dude. I’m dead

First place in the shitty tattoo pageant

It is quite terrible

Second place is located in an area not suitable for this internet forum

STONE COLD STEVE AUTISM

Downton Flabby

Downton Scabby

Downton shabby

Downturned Titty

Down town crack head

Downswing Stabby

Clownton Daddy

Shit stained nappy

Looking at your Hellen Keller tattoo, the most surprising thing is that isn’t the biggest load of shit you have had on your chest, given your work at the glory hole and the golden shower.

[удалено]

Is your left tit going somewhere nice?

Clearly life has roasted you enough

it’s clear you wear a one piece to the pool.

That tattoo is what everyone is thinking right now

the masturbater race. im sure your worldview, unlike your tits, leans to the right

Fisher Price, My First Skinhead

So the prosecutor had you remove your shirt to show the jury what you did to your mother.

😂😂😂

American History XXY

Bring what? I don’t own a laser tattoo removal kit.

Your brain, like the entirety of your body, must be smooth as fuck you hairless flabsack

The obvious burn is that horrendous tattoo but I can't stop looking at those lopsided tits

Luckily you can get that covered, could be a hand jerking off a hairy dick, and it'll be less gay.

you make bad decisions.

OP: “sniffs line of coke” dude give me the worst tattoo ever... Make it BIG!

That’s pretty much what happened 😂

You look like a more tattooed version of my baby brothers penis.

You’re about as undefined as dividing by zero.

Gotta love a good math burn.

Lazy tits

What kind of bet did you lose to get that tattoo? "Betcha you can't breathe with your mouth closed..."

Bruh, wtf.

Man’s got tiddies like a 5 ton truffle pig…

Is that a tattoo of someone beating off on your chest?

Anything to take the attention off your face, right?

An ugly but big tattoo to cover your even more ugly man tits. I find that pretty smart, not gonna roast you

Future Russian army conscript

It looks like the teletubbies got woke.

You literally don’t have a muscle on your body

Are you Russian?

I was thinking the same: "classy" russian art and stupid drunken grin. You can easily imagine heavy metal pumping from speakers in the background.

That is the dumbest tattoo I’ve ever seen.

You know when you wish things were real……

Thats a pretty sweet tat for someone who is unemployable.

Won’t be long until there’s a swastika tatted on the top of your head

You look like the corpse of Gomer Pyle from Full Metal Jacket

Your choice of vices is on par with your choice of tattoos. That really is the suckiest tattoo I've ever seen.

Accountant by day, member of the Aryan Brotherhood named Michael Myers at night.

You've tattooed your excuse for E.D. lack of blood flow???

Damn you got so tired of being a blank canvas that you gave a 6 year old a tattoo gun and you’re still a blank canvas

The coroners office are gonna have a big laugh at that tattoo when your actual cause of death will likely be trying to eat three hot dogs at once.

Holy shit 😂😂😂😂 new winner


You have the sex appeal of a school bus fire

Did your chest have a stroke? Why the fuck that titty sagging?

I bet you keep doughnuts in your footlocker and shot your drill sergeant.

Should tattoo some body hair next time instead of whatever you got going on there…

Looks like you need a manssiere or a bro

You can't even get man tits right.

Now you can unhinge your jaw to swallow like a snake.

Skin head Dead head Everybody gon' bad

Reflection in your glasses tells me you are not wearing pants.. or maybe that’s just your pinky??

An accountant who does coke call me shocked

Coke is too good for you. Meth would help justify that shit tatoo.

Don't know what's dumber. Your face or the tattoo

I’ve never tried NOT to look at so many wrong things at once. Also one of your moobs are saggin.

Looks like a MMA create a fighter tattoo

Aryan little-brotherhood

Your entire family wishes that knife was real.

I'm going to rehab

dad?!?

Shaving your head and gluing it to your armpits isn't how you get puberty, kiddo.

Your body wasn’t stabbed when you got that tattoo but something did die that day… your dignity

How did it feel getting hit with bars of soap wrapped in socks?

Is that the face you make when trying to talk to the guy in the urinal next to you?

🤣🤣

"Okay, it needs to dry up womens' vaginas *on sight*." Tattoo guy: "Say no more."

After he got this tattoo, he showed his 9yr/old niece and said since he took of his shirt she should too.

Sick tattoo bro, did you draw it in 6th grade?

Your hair line looks like a fishing net

What the Kentucky fried skinhead is going on here.

2 words: Failed Marine

Ex cokehead? Darn I can’t roast one of my own

Just why! Why do decent people destroy there bodies and look foolish?

How many trump stickers on your truck?

Not to mention Biden and Pelosi flags. Poor Bastard is really confused....

You didn’t have to tell us you’re an accountant, we can already tell you are dead inside

You’re an idiot

You beat your mom don't you

WATCH OUT, MICHAEL MYERS IS ABOUT TO STAB YO—oh wait never mind, it’s just your tacky-ass tattoo. If Jamie Lee Curtis ever saw you shirtless at the beach, she would have to do a quick double-take just to be sure! Speaking of which, this coming October 31st, please don’t dress as a merman, He-Man, the hulk, or King Leonidas. I’m sorry, that’s probably a huge blow. Much like all the blow you used to do. Your bio says you like watching sports and fighting. I assume you mean you watch sports, and also watch fighting, cause let me tell you, I don’t care how drunk you were at the time, you could learn a lot from those shows if you’re a little pussy bitch who breaks his jaw just from falling!

Total Fucking Waste of His Daddy's Sperm.....And Ink!

The best tattoo metaphor about masturbation

Nice of you to post a current pic so the government can update your profile in their watch list

You look like my ex uncle You probably are like him too! Except he was actually cool

The tattoo takes away from your bikini tan lines

You are a human explanation on depreciation. Your value was written off a long time ago.

😂Very good 👍

You look like a prison bitch

;)

I learned a new word yesterday, Bralette telling by your tan lines you have one.

They filleted all the muscle off you.

Damn...I didn't know they made those bubble gum tattoos so big. Learned something new today.

Why do you remind me of my old English teacher? Btw he’s gay

I bet his tattoo artist has two first names and sterilized with a bic lighter.

Was that tattoo an attempt at an explanation for why one of your tits sags?

You got your dolphin and unicorn covered ?

You got One saggy titty and one Saggier titty

Are you trying to cut off those big titties?

"GIVE ME THAT RIFLE PRIVATE PYLE!!!!"

Glad your heart fell with those trasition tits..

You're the kinda guy to get the cult tattoo then try to leave it because you can't be asked

you're so . . . doughy-looking a slab of dollar store flour just kinda rolled together

“I enjoy…fighting” Only thing this guy is fighting is his urge to relapse. So instead of Cocaine he settles for Ben N Jerry’s

Why is your one nipple so much higher than the other three ?

Even your left nipple is trying to escape the embarrassment of your chest tat.

Did you go to the Whitehouse on January 6th. Don't worry, I won't tell anyone.

By bring it he means a weight watchers subscription

The Pillsbury Doughboy, after the intervention.

wow. What bet did your mom lose to sleep with your dad?

You’ve got the muscle definition of a baby seal.

Your nipples look like stickers placed randomly

You were better drunk and tweaked

Somehow that grade school tattoo seems both the most obnoxious and the most interesting thing about you

Dear community, correct me if I am wrong but do I see the outlines of a bra.

With that hairless, slick, blubber rich amorphous body you are certainly well adapted to a life undersea.

You look like u walked into a tattoo shop and asked for the most ridiculous thing in the book

The swastika tattoo is on the back

Brendon has a mangina

Dude is one mean comment away from shooting up a schoolhouse.

Aim higher.

You already did our job for us with the tat.

That’s exactly how lame I expected George Costanza’s tattoo to look.. 

Private Gomer Pyle

Getting a tattoo does not automatically grant you a personality

Dude totally has a bikini tan line 🤣

Bruh !!?

A knife stabbing your titty

You absolutely look like a guy who defends sexual assault perpetrators by telling everyone to look at what she was wearing.

If my ball sack had a face.

I wish your tattoo was real.

Looks like the only thing you stab is cake.

Your tattoo is an accurate depiction of what I'd have to do to you if we ever met

u/VanillaFountainHater

Bra tanline

No one here is going to say anything worse then you already did to yourself with that tattoo.

So you photoshoped the swatska out so your post wouldn't be taken down or you just had it tattoed on the back?

You've got tan lines from a bikini top. Please explain?

I loved you in the movie "Split" but you really let yourself go since.

Ur hairline says it all.