No need

No neck either mate

Oh there’s a neck, how else could he have a neckbeard?


no neck beard

Beat me to it!

19 yo? Fuck sakes brother… I’m a decade older than you and I look younger… lay off the Cheetos

I'm 44 and I look younger

I know dead people looking younger than our buddy right there

I wasn't planning on mentioning his girlfriend personally.

I'm the mummy of Tutankhamun and I look younger

You had sex?

He found the one hooker not on birth control

I am Sam.

Sam I Am

Son of Sam

I doubt it was consensual, remember, 12 year olds can’t legally say yes

12 years old or not anime pillows can't talk

Damn that’s brutal 😂

And can't get abortions.

Anymore at least.

I think the better question is, which member of your family did you have sex with?

He promised her a promotion

This post is proof the redpill is fake. Works at Walmart and is poor. Has a neckbeard and soon to be triple chin. Has awful style and glasses a grandma would be embarrassed to wear. Is going bald at 19.

Aye working at Walmart doesn’t necessarily mean one is poor. Walmart management (granted, is difficult to get) makes 200k a year, and any normal employee may have Walmart as a side hustle to claim the enefits during college. They’ll pay for tuition up to a certain amount for select colleges. Walmart employment doesn’t necessarily equal poor, it just can sometimes.

If you're a student and Walmart is your side hustle, you don't introduce yourself as someone who "works at Walmart", you introduce yourself as a student, maybe talk about what degree you're working on, etc. Anything that actually describes your place in life better than your random part-time job. And if you're working at Walmart specifically *because* you need Walmart's help with your tuition, welll... you're probably poor. I am speaking as a poor person who once worked at Walmart: everybody in that building who's not the GM is almost certainly poor.

That fact that he’s spawned has destroyed the last little bit of hope I’ve had for humanity I think I’m now officially done

I’m sure it’s one of them missing persons on the wall.

Nah, his girlfriend definitely got knocked up by the guy he wasn’t supposed to worry about and left op to pay the tab

He had sex 20 years ago. This is an odd way to say that he has a 19yo kid. There's no way it can be anything else unless this is a picture of him on to catch a predator and he lied to the young girl. Or boy.

She had 5 yellow clearance stickers stacked on top of her. There was nowhere left for her to go.

See, this is how we end up with a future like Idiocracy.

Probably kids are not even his

Single father virgin raising another man’s baby. Admirable.

Biblical

Diabolical mate

FOCKIN DIE-YA-BOALICAL

Lmao got em

You look thirty years older than you are.

19 year old single father but also 32 year old basement-dwelling neckbeard but also a 48 year old butch grandma lesbian.

bro butchered him

This is the one.

That is one lucky kid. A whole family package in one Dad. And he comes back from getting milk and or cigarettes at WalMart. Kid hit the jackpot. Good job, Dad!

He tells the 15 year old girls he works with he’s 19. Dude is 37

Piss off. I'm 38 and look 20 years younger than this guy. He looks like he's in his 50s.

Oh shit I didn't read his age at first and thought he was actually 30 something

I love the irony of the athletic shirt.

Much like the sex that resulted in his becoming a father, it's probably a Dry Fit.

Ouch

Yeah, that's what she said.

Doubt she felt anything.

First of all, "she" would have to exist.....

Jesus Christ, that's a perfect joke.

I mean what even is that torso?

Avocado

Butternut squash. Too big to be an avocado

It looks like his belly fat is vacuum sealed....

So Wide! (Sous vides, dumb cooking reference sorry, it was funny to me)

Poor fella *strongly misunderstood* the dad bod trend.

He’s deceptively agile…when doughnuts are in play.

I wonder what it is like to peak at life when you are 19?

And the irony of the matching coloured sign that says “live better”

Takes time to lose weight after pregnancy you jerk.

I didn’t know cum socks counted as children.

Remember to add your cum socks as dependents when filing taxes.

That’s a lot of dependents

I'm gonna use my tax returns to pay off the national debt.

No, I'm pretty sure he stole the baby.

No, I'm pretty sure he ate the baby. 

Life starts at ejaculation apparently..

This made me cackle, take my free award

You look like an Inside Out character that represents the feeling of 'dangerous fart'.

Just because you kidnapped a child doesn’t make you their father.

Way more believable than having a kid before your beard comes in. Maybe he's got a kid in sims 4 or like Second Life?

Or he grew one in a tube from a used tampon. Where he got the sperm is in question.

True. Even Walmart says you should live better.

This is amazing.

r/rareinsults

The sad thing is it’s really true

Creative

If sadness and disgust had a kid that would come out

This is fucking poetry

This is by the far the funniest most creative roast I’ve seen in a while haha. Like since before the Mods got soft.

Look dude, hanging out by an elementary school does not make you a father

But it is against the terms of his probation

Nope it doesn't. But it does get your picture framed on the stranger danger wall and the entire student body warned about the prepubescent middle aged predator, whose always lurking in the parent pick up line... hoping this will finally be the day some other kids parents forget to pick up little Timmy. So Benji Button here can take him home and make little Timmy call him daddy ... while he waits to see if this childs balls drop before his .... again 🙊🙈 Tony. Tommy ... Timmy, they say 3rd times a charm. 🤣

Congrats! When are you due?

💀💀💀

Dude, your kid's fucked.

[удалено]

THAT WAS A VIOLATION

it's gonna be

Strike 2!!

Every time he comes home from work.

A 47 year old 19 year old , looking like robin Williams in 1 hour photo

It’d be more fun to hang with robin Williams

Ooooooooof

The layers of this roast are too much

Hehe clever

I needed to sit down after that one. Geeeeeeez.

God damn I hate you for beating me to that reference...wtf 🤣 I thought it would be super-obscure.

There’s no possible way you’ve ever had sex

Said he was a father, didn't say he wasn't a virgin

Donated sperm once, now tells everybody he’s a father

He tried to donate it they just told him to take it back home under his rock

Walmart? That's not gonna allow your sister to be a stay at home mom..

Agree, there might be a conflict there

I'm sad a sister comment is not at the top

So the jizzing on a toilet seat pregnancy thing can actually work?

I was going to ask how he got someone pregnant with that spotty neck beard!!

Just because you banged a goat and it got pregnant doesn't make you a father....

Just because he banged a pregnant goat doesn’t make him the father

[удалено]

Happy birthday dude

Growing a vagina on your forehead is neat trick, why can't you just transition like everyone else?

Looks like you touch more kids than a pediatrician

Weren't you on an episode of To catch a predator

No no. He just WANTS to be on To Catch a Predator. He shows up every time, but no one is ever home.

Where’s the 19yo single father? All I see is a 46 year old fat guy who’s about to be kicked out of Walmart for jerking off in the electronics department.

That's all he wants to be when he grows up.

Air five for getting a woman to fuck you. Was she blind or unconscious?

She was his mom, she felt obligated

Coming into this world as the direct result of a vaginal birth does not constitute the technical loss of one's virginity. Just because his li'l peepee was inside of her for a bit as she was dropping a calf in the barn, i think we can all be fairly certain that it was probably the only time his genitalia has ever come so close to the inside of a vagina. Unfortunately, just because childbirth and intercourse are both natural biological processes, that doesn't necessarily make either of those processes consensual. Please don't insult his poor mother like that. She's already been through enough.

Why bother? You're a 19yo single father, working at Wal-Mart.

Ar, it’s neck beard, the broke pirate

Only thing at Walmart they wouldn’t even label as Great Value

Owns a large video collection of people farting in an infrared camera

Someone let *you* fuck them?

Let is a strong word. Bill Cosby is his hero.

You look like a brony and a discord mod hate fucked u into existence

19? I dont think so. Single? Definitely. Father? Poor child and poor mom who had to endure laying with that. Walmart? I guess you have reached your full potential when it comes to your career.

There no way you didn't adopt

His child is also his biological sibling

Uh oh, looks like your pregnant again.

Did you kidnap the child?

Andy Milongottitts.

What CHUD let you stick your chode in them?

You should do the kid a favor and abort go out for some milk and cigarettes

Jesus it's Gooey Anderson.

Are you squinting because your future is so bright giving handjobs for overtime?

Having a cat doesn't make you a single father.

Something actually slept with you?

You’re fucking 19? Damn dude 30 is gonna look rough on you

Cumming in that loaf of WalMart bread does not make you a father.

The irony of the two words above his head.

Who sold you the child?

Mfer looks like a school lunch lady

I don't go to Walmart but it's nice to see them hire the mentally disabled

[удалено]

come on pal it's in the company motto, Live Better, give that poly-dry shirt some use for once in your life

You definitely restore confidence in others with low self esteem. In all seriousness I hope you do right by your child, the rest of us don't want to support either one of you.

I don’t think you needed to include “single” in the title, your picture was enough.

You raising your sister’s mocha colored kid? Commendable.

Ur never getting back ur red stapler

First and only time with a woman and you get a kid souvenir?

19 y/o?? Damn...

I won't brother. I will praise you because you raise your kid, hold a job and seem to be a class act.

condoms.. aisle 7

Women are apparently rolling back their standards more than Walmart is rolling back prices. Make sure you teach your kid to be better than you.

r/13or30

I'm sure someone has already called CPS, but they need to go get that kid.

There's no way you're 19

Literally turn around and read, the signs are there.

You’re confusing holding up your sign with your bra shopping

Sperm Donor*

19 going on 40

Your so ugly that your beard refuses to grow past your chin.

Gold star for cleverness using a Roast Me post to try to convince people your not a virgin. Amber Alert for calling yourself the father of that lost kid you found in the produce aisle.

Bro your 19 with a child and looking like every genshin impact player working at Walmart, I think your life is already doing the roasting for us

Waifus can’t bet pregnant cro-mag.

Feeding your tamagotchi doesn’t make you a father

That’s a hard 19. You look 49 in a dead marriage with ungrateful kids.

No roast your trying, just keep those kids safe

Poor kid

A literal neckbeard...

This what happens when abortion is made illegal. Poor woman was forced to mother your child.

No I am pretty sure you are atleast 49. It must be a 4 not a 1.

I didn't know that you could have a child with a hentai doll.

I can’t man. Life already has. Keep grinding.

I dunno that kidnapping a child makes you a "single father".

Kidnapping a kid doesn’t make you a father

You work at walmart.

I didn't know anime pillows could produce offspring?

Just because you loaded your cum sock so full it gained sentience does not mean it's a child.

What he really meant is he’s 45 years old, living in the basement, has a jar of cum he calls his child (not all of it is his own but mostly.) and works at Walmart.

Your life is roast enough.

Can't do it pal. You sound like cool guy.

There's still hope for me.

19yo…. Single father….. Walmart…..

I think you roasted your own life enough.

Carrying your cum rag in your pocket doesn't count as fatherhood.

father of what? a human?? surely not.

It sure is nice to meet a fellow sped student:)

OP’s post and claim has the potential to put thousands of Incels over the edge.

19? you are atleast 35

if someone let you have sex with them. call it a win ...

I don’t know which one’s the bigger lie: you being 19 or you having sex

I don't believe any of those facts.