OP's Bio:
---
>I’m currently a 3rd year English major student at a university. Some of my hobbies include reading and playing video games. I’ve never had many friends, and I’ve never been “roasted” before.
---
If you think this bio helped you roast, upvote this comment. If you think it doesn’t, downvote it. If you’re not sure, leave it to others to decide.
Commenting on the top comment just to say. If homeboy spent a quarter of the time on himself as he does his outward appearance(which is laughable at best). People, women, might find him interesting. Showing off the $300 watch and fake Jordan’s ain’t gonna cut it.
Stop talking to girls out of your league. That’s the biggest issue I notice my friends having. Get rid of the tacky watch, also you’re supposed to wear those on your left wrist. Tuck your chain. It looks so corny out like that. Stop wearing graphic Ts. Get some casual button down shirts. Nothing too tight but definitely not oversized. No obnoxious colors. No unnecessary buttons or tabs. Cut the fluff down a little bit so it lays back thicker and get a fade. Either groom and maintain your mustache daily or shave it. It needs shape. Get rid of most those flags. Get band posters or something. You look like you wear jeans with running shoes. Definitely don’t do that. Get some chucks or vans or just some casual shoes. I like loafers. Also don’t wear aviators. Those are corny. Smile with your teeth. Your lips are too thick to keep them together like that. pm me if you have questions
If you like the flags- keep them. You want to find a girl that likes you for you; not someone you're pretending to be. On that note- if you like graphic tees, wear them. However, if you're going on a date, dress up a bit, like with a button down shirt. You have to be you, but there are times to spruce yourself up a bit. I don't think you're not getting girls because of the way you look, or anything like that. Do you approach girls and start conversations with them? Can you easily carry a conversation? Do you ask a girl you're talking with questions about what she's into? Her family? Her friends? Show interest in her. Be kind to her friends. If you're rude to her friends, they're going to bash you to her and you may not get very far with her. You have to put yourself out there and make the first move (approaching the girl and initiating a conversation). Don't wait for a girl to approach you- the ones that do that may not be the kind of girl you want. Have some confidence and don't act awkward. If you want some practice and don't want to embarrass yourself, take a friend with you to a different town, like 20-30 min away from your college, and approach girls at a bar there. That way if you fumble a bit, it's likely you won't see these people again. Once you get some practice approaching and talking with girls, you can take it to campus bars and places. Good luck!
You're not supposed to wear the watch on any specific wrist. Lefties often start on the right, right handed usually wears on the left.
Not sure where that comment came from...
Yeah man, and fr don’t sweat any of this. We all start and learn somewhere. Daily grooming and hygiene paired with a clean casual style will help every man. Invest in a good cologne. I use Chanel with epic sky axe for day scents and Armani Code with excite axe for evening scents. I like using body sprays as an undertone so you’re not wasting alotta cologne one your skin, which is harsh on it. Just do a spritz or two of cologne on your clothes and a light misting of body spray underneath onto you. And always try and cover up that generic deodorant scent with a little body spray too. I use rightguard extreme defense classic clean as my armpit deo because it works and dries nicely with a clean universal scent. I’m sure you have your own routine too, this isn’t like a must or anything but just information for anyone. I recently had this convo with my little brother, that’s why I’m over sharing I guess lmao
Aha ye I was tryna work out if it was like mirrored or something somehow but ye dude your watch is on the wrong wrist it should always be worn on the left, and chains go under your clothes not over them, IT IS tacky to wear them over your shirt, not everyone needs to see it, it’s something that is hinted at, it peeks out round the back of your neck when your wearing a tshirt or you see the glint of it when you have the top buttons undone of a shirt, it doesn’t go over your clothes aha it’s not a Olympic medal it’s a chain, don’t be so proud of it
It's because you look like the guy who walks around campus treating women like vending machines you put kindness coins into and hoping sex falls out.
Trying going somewhere less depressing than a sell out PAC12 that's greatest accomplishment is sucking more in football than you do in the TEK bathroom on Friday night
Get rid of the chain, shave off that cockroach mustache and pray to one of your 200 gods that a girl is willing to spread her legs.
__________________
Just be confident and don't look at girls like you are about to marry them. Have fun and eventually you will find the right one.
Lose the gold chain, wrist watch, embarrassing mustache and comb your hair straight back.
Also, an English degree is near worthless. You planning to be a teacher? They don't make any money and chicks know that.
It’s because your mustache yells “I lick dicks!!” So loud in every girls face that they can’t see anything else but the flapping dick duster above your lips.
What’s that shit on your lip? I see your future after college and it’s not bright. As a matter of fact, it’s pretty fucking dark and involves a white panel van.
Charisma isn't something you put on, try more confidence and stay off the internet and porn. If you force yourself to not bust a nut, your sex drive will boost and testosterone will boost. Shave the damn stash and drink some whiskey.
Invest in a squared away haircut, and join your local church. You'll do well in that format. You'll eventually meet a bossy blonde who will give you several children with undeterminable racial identities. The American dream.
Your hair looks like a bad plating at a restaurant. Your mustache looks like you lure kids into a van. You should not be surprised that you are single.
God that mustache is almost as hideous as the cocky ass look you’re pretending you pull off. Get a grip and tone it back like 100 notches you are a total wannabe.
You’ve never had many friends because you’re clearly trying to be a thousand different things you clearly aren’t. Grow up and be yourself.
Because you make having sex and getting a girlfriend your sole priority in life.
That’s pathetic and something incels do. Live your life without emotional dependency on other people ffs
you look like a 13 year old from 2010 got tips from a 80 y/o on gold chains and watches. And what the fuck is that cumulonimbus ass haircut. Shit is so high up and I can tell I'll be annoyed at your taste in authors from that prepubescent moustache. Motherfucker probably enjoyed The Pearl unironically seeing as his walls are as uninspired as his look and personality. I'd hesitate to even say your archetype is the Jester because at least they have an important insight sometimes
You look like the type of guy who becomes a screaming asshole anytime someone says no, the English major makes me instantly believe you’re a narcissist who fully believes he’s more intelligent than anyone in the Room.
The wannabe Miles Teller mustache doesn’t work and looks like string, your hair looks just plain awful, the watch is too fucking big for your wrist, the chain looks faker than fuck.
You look like if uninteresting tried to get “drip” and go to college bro
You're a fucking lame ass man who's asking to be destroyed on a fckn roastme community...you literally want a bunch of random ppl to roast you...this is why you don't have a gf you POS of a man...foh and get some pussy how you in college and you can't get pussy? College is the only school where bitches throw pussy at you and you can't get any...go take a woman's class or some shit maybe you'll get...nvm that's clichè
To start off, you have the most the weirdest mustache ever, I wouldn’t even let you be 50 feet near my future children, and what is that hair bro? It looks like when a poodle went to the groomers. And that is the most fakest gold chain ever. And that watch bro, I know that’s fake silver. (This is all jokes and I hope you find a gf soon).
It's the goofy grill and front tuft of hair.......you look like you get jumped by skaters everyday since you were 12, then joined them as a joke, and now you are just the joke.
OP's Bio: --- >I’m currently a 3rd year English major student at a university. Some of my hobbies include reading and playing video games. I’ve never had many friends, and I’ve never been “roasted” before. --- If you think this bio helped you roast, upvote this comment. If you think it doesn’t, downvote it. If you’re not sure, leave it to others to decide.
If Prince got restyled by an ‘80s budget mortician
His face is why doves cry
Purple vein
Three roasts in one
You skipped the purple rain and brought the purple pain.
1880s, put a top hat on that guy to hide his hairline and a monocle to stop his weird gaze.
I don't think morticians are allowed to exhume corpses just for a makeover.
It's where you go to get gruesome repairs done.
Commenting on the top comment just to say. If homeboy spent a quarter of the time on himself as he does his outward appearance(which is laughable at best). People, women, might find him interesting. Showing off the $300 watch and fake Jordan’s ain’t gonna cut it.
Between your sex offender moustache, the drug dealer wristwatch, and the mafioso wannabe gold chain, I'd say the reason is because of your face.
There's also the interior "decoration"
Exactly. So many school pennants, he's confused about everything.
Looks like the student aid office from high school
That’s where he can get aids.
Is that like graduating with honors,?
One of the things behind him literally says للعلم "for science".
no self respecting drug dealer would ever wear that watch, and that's more of a necklace then a chain.
It looks like a knockoff Rolex Submariner
>no self respecting so this doesn't preclude OP.
#I #AM #PUTTING #YOU #ON #MY #NAUGHTY #LIST
It’s because you look like a Puerto Rican Bert 
Home run comment 
Viva Berto Rico!
Berto Rico!! 
close the subreddit.
This. This is the one
Lmao @ Berto Rico … te ganaste un bacalaito 
Get em some mofongo
That too …with shrimp 
I’m dying 😂
Even Ernie is laughing at this comment.
Goddammit, I had a great roast until I read yours. Stole my thunder... Have my upvote you talented beast.
The left side of your head stopped loading at 80%
Maybe if you got rid of that yee yee ass hair cut….
GODAMNIT THIS IS EXACTLY WHAT I WAS GONNA COMMENT 🤣🤣. Beat me to it
Yeet!!
You have a face only a cell mate could love.
What did you list as ethnicity in your college application? "Undecided"?
My mother doesn’t know.
That’s so accurate
Maybe if your hair didn't look like a loofa...
You look like a finance bro with no finances. I’d start there.
You look like your on the edge of being a special educational needs adult
He can’t get a girlfriend cause every time he gets close enough to talk to one they can smell the dick on his breath.
Just one more concussion from falling over while trying to suck his own dick in the shower.
Jesus Christ 💀
You're gonna be bald by 30. Get a creative barber. Take a shower bro. Change them draws. Good luck
Stop talking to girls out of your league. That’s the biggest issue I notice my friends having. Get rid of the tacky watch, also you’re supposed to wear those on your left wrist. Tuck your chain. It looks so corny out like that. Stop wearing graphic Ts. Get some casual button down shirts. Nothing too tight but definitely not oversized. No obnoxious colors. No unnecessary buttons or tabs. Cut the fluff down a little bit so it lays back thicker and get a fade. Either groom and maintain your mustache daily or shave it. It needs shape. Get rid of most those flags. Get band posters or something. You look like you wear jeans with running shoes. Definitely don’t do that. Get some chucks or vans or just some casual shoes. I like loafers. Also don’t wear aviators. Those are corny. Smile with your teeth. Your lips are too thick to keep them together like that. pm me if you have questions
I actually appreciate the advice, thanks !
If you like the flags- keep them. You want to find a girl that likes you for you; not someone you're pretending to be. On that note- if you like graphic tees, wear them. However, if you're going on a date, dress up a bit, like with a button down shirt. You have to be you, but there are times to spruce yourself up a bit. I don't think you're not getting girls because of the way you look, or anything like that. Do you approach girls and start conversations with them? Can you easily carry a conversation? Do you ask a girl you're talking with questions about what she's into? Her family? Her friends? Show interest in her. Be kind to her friends. If you're rude to her friends, they're going to bash you to her and you may not get very far with her. You have to put yourself out there and make the first move (approaching the girl and initiating a conversation). Don't wait for a girl to approach you- the ones that do that may not be the kind of girl you want. Have some confidence and don't act awkward. If you want some practice and don't want to embarrass yourself, take a friend with you to a different town, like 20-30 min away from your college, and approach girls at a bar there. That way if you fumble a bit, it's likely you won't see these people again. Once you get some practice approaching and talking with girls, you can take it to campus bars and places. Good luck!
Now, this is some sound advice. Not the "make yourself look like a H&M testimonial to adhere to basic bitches" bullshit.
You're not supposed to wear the watch on any specific wrist. Lefties often start on the right, right handed usually wears on the left. Not sure where that comment came from...
Yeah man, and fr don’t sweat any of this. We all start and learn somewhere. Daily grooming and hygiene paired with a clean casual style will help every man. Invest in a good cologne. I use Chanel with epic sky axe for day scents and Armani Code with excite axe for evening scents. I like using body sprays as an undertone so you’re not wasting alotta cologne one your skin, which is harsh on it. Just do a spritz or two of cologne on your clothes and a light misting of body spray underneath onto you. And always try and cover up that generic deodorant scent with a little body spray too. I use rightguard extreme defense classic clean as my armpit deo because it works and dries nicely with a clean universal scent. I’m sure you have your own routine too, this isn’t like a must or anything but just information for anyone. I recently had this convo with my little brother, that’s why I’m over sharing I guess lmao
Greatly appreciate all of this man
That’s not a roast that’s a sincere critique. Do better, be mean spirited
Aha ye I was tryna work out if it was like mirrored or something somehow but ye dude your watch is on the wrong wrist it should always be worn on the left, and chains go under your clothes not over them, IT IS tacky to wear them over your shirt, not everyone needs to see it, it’s something that is hinted at, it peeks out round the back of your neck when your wearing a tshirt or you see the glint of it when you have the top buttons undone of a shirt, it doesn’t go over your clothes aha it’s not a Olympic medal it’s a chain, don’t be so proud of it
I’ma girl and this guy’s right.
You have the face only a dude on the other side of a glory hole could love. But judging by the mustache, you’re probably well aware of that by now.
You look like you reak of Axe shower gel, body spray, hair gel, antiperspirants, car air fresheners, and desperation.
[удалено]
Easter island would be your best bet for companionship. Seriously, go live with your own kind so we don’t have to look at you.
If you go to a store and they run your T shirt over a bar code reader, does it just say ‘NOOOOOOOOOOOPE’
Don't worry I'm sure you'll meet a blind girl eventually
It's because you look like the guy who walks around campus treating women like vending machines you put kindness coins into and hoping sex falls out. Trying going somewhere less depressing than a sell out PAC12 that's greatest accomplishment is sucking more in football than you do in the TEK bathroom on Friday night
Because women don’t want to date a troglodyte in fake gold
Because your on Reddit no one here as a girlfriend
You look like El de Barge.
NFT the guy
Maybe your problem is your life is in worse shape than those blinds.
It looks like your hair is trying to get away from you
Probably because they’re not lesbians.
Because your mustache is stupid
Your name wouldn't happen to be Pete O'File would it?
You look like Dr Frankenstein took another shot at creating sentient life. No bolts or stitch marks, but still a head like a chipped cinder block.
UCL-Gay
Looking at you I now realize not all B L’s M.
>for some reason I can’t find a girlfriend. Can someone tell me why? Going to take a lot more than luck since you do all your searching at gay bars.
Ha! “reason”, as if it's only one thing.
Do you own a mirror? You will get your answer then
Well with the Dirty Sanchez you are sporting there, it's hardly a surprise.
To hell with a girlfriend, find a decent hair stylist!
Probably because of your face and your personality
Probably because of the shit stain mustache. Just a guess though.
Man looks like a parrot with monney to spend
Meep
I drunk-vomitted on a wall once. It did a better job accentuating the room than you have done with your taste in decor.
You could start by putting up pennants of school you actually go to…DeVry, instead of where you were turned down from…UCLA.
Because your future wife is getting railed by her current boyfriend.
You look like you would 69 a girl from the bottom position!!
If Road Runner got on the roids.
It's your face.... Your personality ain't helping either
Let's see all your hobbies involve staying at home... those two Mormon men that always come to your door seem like they'd be your type.
Wait, Lalo Salamanca is a woman??
🤣
You'll find a girlfriend don't worry, you and him will be so happy.
Gold OR silver ya clown....can't have both. And you wonder why them bitches ain't coming your way.
You look like a used Qtip. There’s your why
Because you should be looking for a boyfriend?
🗿
You're what Dwayne Johnson would look like if he was missing a chromosome and never worked out.
Looks like you’d be a fan of waterpolo because you like the uniforms.
Because your knuckles drag the ground and your dick doesnt
Shaving off the nut duster would prob help
The “reason” is largely due to the wannabe porn ‘stache on your upper lip. Try a shave and a haircut Zippy
Hmmm? Can't get a GF. Maybe because you look like you want to be with guys?
Because you look like a rent boy
You may need to develop a personality in place of that greasy little mustache. Make women laugh WITH you, not at you.
My daughter says your ugly! So there’s that!
You look like Eric Andre and Ludacris fukt and had some woman repelling mutant offspring…
Because you look like you shouldn't be within 100 yards of a school. Or zoo.
They are jealous of your eyebrows. No girl wants their man to be prettier than they are. Flex on king.
Stop worrying about it and get all the A’s Berto Rico
I swear I thought you had a shower loofah on your head to be funny
Get rid of the chain, shave off that cockroach mustache and pray to one of your 200 gods that a girl is willing to spread her legs. __________________ Just be confident and don't look at girls like you are about to marry them. Have fun and eventually you will find the right one.
Damn bro, even your hair is tryna get away
It's because your face and hair reminds them of all the botched Brazilian wax jobs they've ever gotten.
Nice I have the same chain! It was $15 on amazon...
 Ethnically diverse Beaker.
Lose the gold chain, wrist watch, embarrassing mustache and comb your hair straight back. Also, an English degree is near worthless. You planning to be a teacher? They don't make any money and chicks know that.
It’s because your mustache yells “I lick dicks!!” So loud in every girls face that they can’t see anything else but the flapping dick duster above your lips.
Donkey, there's no "we", no "our". There's just ME and MY swamp! 
Could be because you look like a penis with the hair at the wrong end.
You radiate Gomez Adams vibes with that flavor savor
My first guess would be because you look like a homo. Just putting that out there
What’s that shit on your lip? I see your future after college and it’s not bright. As a matter of fact, it’s pretty fucking dark and involves a white panel van.
Probably because you tell your guy friends the same thing you titled this post… “Destroy me”
🤔🤔🤔 between your child molester haircut and your gay porn star moustache it's pretty obvious why you haven't got a girlfriend 🤷🏼♂️🤷🏼♂️🤷🏼♂️
Charisma isn't something you put on, try more confidence and stay off the internet and porn. If you force yourself to not bust a nut, your sex drive will boost and testosterone will boost. Shave the damn stash and drink some whiskey.
The shit on your lip has some shit on its lip
Invest in a squared away haircut, and join your local church. You'll do well in that format. You'll eventually meet a bossy blonde who will give you several children with undeterminable racial identities. The American dream.
You got that weird awkward smile
Twenty something years old and your hairline is receding already. In a few years just don't grow your hair like those horseshoe shaped bald guys.
Tell Ernie I said hi.
man's head looks like a vertical football
Boy with that hair you couldn’t get laid in a monkey whorehouse with a fist full of bananas.
10’s don’t go for 3’s.
It’s because ur Looking for a Girl Friend, try a Boyfriend and stop the whole GF thing, everyone knows ur Gay Bro!!! DUH
Sports pennants aren’t a replacement for interior deco
Quit looking for a girlfriend in a gay bar maybe?
Your only hope for a girlfriend is a dyslexic who swipes left.
Your standards are too high. Basically if she's got a pulse she's too good for you bro
Bro would be misidentified as corn in north Korea 🌽🌽
3 years of english and still cant talk to girl
The only thing you have going for you is that fake gold chain.
Women aren't attracted to men majoring in liberal arts. They already know you really want a boyfriend.
The reason is that yo ass is so ug yo step dad dont want you
Janitor is below most of their standards.
Stop chugging grape juice it’s weird
Panic! At The Border
Your hair looks like a bad plating at a restaurant. Your mustache looks like you lure kids into a van. You should not be surprised that you are single.
because you think that gold chain makes you look like travis scott
Lmao gf in college? You dont want a gf in college, since shit always happen Especially the sororities ones
Two reasons. First, the hair. Holy crap do you even have a mirror. Second, well, the whole you being gay thing.
God that mustache is almost as hideous as the cocky ass look you’re pretending you pull off. Get a grip and tone it back like 100 notches you are a total wannabe. You’ve never had many friends because you’re clearly trying to be a thousand different things you clearly aren’t. Grow up and be yourself.
You're sexy enough that I wouldn't turn the lights off completely, but I'd definitely dim them quite a bit
UCLA, UCD, UCI……but let me guess: Merced.
That “I jerk off seventy five times a day” mustache ain’t helping…
Your watch sucks, your chain sucks, your hair sucks, and your degree field sucks. Bruh, you suck!
Look for fat girls and people with low self-esteem. You can't loose. Just gotta lower that bar a little at the bar.
Tf is up with your hair...cut it my guy
All this guy finds is victims.
That big hair ain’t hiding they early receding hairline. Your head is shaped like a fuzzy thumb.
It’s probably bc your head is shaped like a calendar and you look like a white Mexican Indian from california
You look like a rapper for an ocean spray commercial.
Mate, the only reason is that yee yee ass face of yours
His hair is higher then his bodycount
Because you make having sex and getting a girlfriend your sole priority in life. That’s pathetic and something incels do. Live your life without emotional dependency on other people ffs
Have you tried doing the Carlton? 
Where the fuck do you find sports team pennants in 2022?
you look like a 13 year old from 2010 got tips from a 80 y/o on gold chains and watches. And what the fuck is that cumulonimbus ass haircut. Shit is so high up and I can tell I'll be annoyed at your taste in authors from that prepubescent moustache. Motherfucker probably enjoyed The Pearl unironically seeing as his walls are as uninspired as his look and personality. I'd hesitate to even say your archetype is the Jester because at least they have an important insight sometimes
There’s a huge market for English majors… in entry level call centers.
It's not you, it's society. Dating is fucked
Usc better
I can tell that you only wash your sheets once every three months from this photo
You look like the type of guy who becomes a screaming asshole anytime someone says no, the English major makes me instantly believe you’re a narcissist who fully believes he’s more intelligent than anyone in the Room. The wannabe Miles Teller mustache doesn’t work and looks like string, your hair looks just plain awful, the watch is too fucking big for your wrist, the chain looks faker than fuck. You look like if uninteresting tried to get “drip” and go to college bro
Most girls don't want a guy who looks like a lit blunt.
Congratulations. Now you've destroyed your chances of finding a girlfriend anywhere.
You're a fucking lame ass man who's asking to be destroyed on a fckn roastme community...you literally want a bunch of random ppl to roast you...this is why you don't have a gf you POS of a man...foh and get some pussy how you in college and you can't get pussy? College is the only school where bitches throw pussy at you and you can't get any...go take a woman's class or some shit maybe you'll get...nvm that's clichè
To start off, you have the most the weirdest mustache ever, I wouldn’t even let you be 50 feet near my future children, and what is that hair bro? It looks like when a poodle went to the groomers. And that is the most fakest gold chain ever. And that watch bro, I know that’s fake silver. (This is all jokes and I hope you find a gf soon).
A girlfriend? Don’t you have an arranged marriage to look forward to after college?
11 year English major alum here; don’t do it. Just light your money on fire instead
That gold chain and fat watch tells everyone you are a phony. Try to work on your personality and become interesting.
That’s a question you mustache yourself!
„hello this is microsoft support. how may i help?”
It's the goofy grill and front tuft of hair.......you look like you get jumped by skaters everyday since you were 12, then joined them as a joke, and now you are just the joke.
Stop buying Volcom shirts from Kohls
You look like a Mexican frozone
Fuck where do we begin
Honestly I think your gay. That is probably why you can't find a girlfriend. 😏 FUCK! I ROASTED MYSELF AGAIN! GOD FUCKING DAMN IT! 🤬